Too Many Interests & Not Enough Follow Through? Try This

Summary

In this insightful video, Caren Mill, an ADHD coach and creator, addresses the common struggle of having too many interests without follow-through, a challenge often faced by adults with ADHD and multipotentialites. She explains that divergent thinkers, unlike linear thinkers, tend to jump from one idea to another, leading to a cycle of starting new projects without completing them. This behavior stems from an ingrained belief that one's current self is not enough, leading to a constant pursuit of self-improvement based on societal scorecards. To overcome this, Caren encourages embracing one's authentic interests and distinguishing them from obligations or societal expectations. She guides viewers to list their endeavors, discern between those driven by genuine interest and those by 'shoulds', and to make choices that align with their true selves. By doing so, individuals can experience a sense of peace, motivation, and enjoyment in their life's journey rather than feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to meet external standards.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Many people with ADHD or who are multipotentialites struggle with numerous interests and a lack of follow-through, which can lead to feelings of not reaching their potential.
• 💡 The issue often stems from being divergent thinkers, with brains that jump between many ideas, unlike neurotypical linear thinkers who can focus on one task to completion.
• 🧠 The ADHD brain's interest-driven nature may cause projects to be abandoned when interest wanes or when faced with challenges due to limiting beliefs or low dopamine levels.
• 🔄 The tendency to jump from one interest to another is fueled by an inherent belief that one's current self is not good enough, influenced by societal scorecards and expectations.
• 🌟 The key to overcoming this struggle is self-acceptance and understanding that the feeling of not being enough is a common human experience, not just an ADHD or multipotentialite issue.
• ✅ A practical exercise is to list activities undertaken with the aim of self-improvement and discern which were pursued out of genuine interest versus those driven by social expectations or obligations.
• 📝 By differentiating between authentic interests and imposed 'shoulds,' one can begin to align their actions more closely with their true self, leading to increased motivation and follow-through.
• 🚀 Choosing to pursue interests that are inherently appealing and aligned with one's values can lead to a more fulfilling and less stressful life, as opposed to those chosen out of obligation.
• 🔑 Recognizing that there is always a degree of choice within obligatory tasks allows for a more empowered mindset and the opportunity to make decisions that are more in line with one's authentic self.
• 🌱 Building the muscle of discernment is crucial for adults to have better control over their time, energy, and social engagements, leading to more effective and satisfying outcomes.
• ⛵️ Embracing one's authentic direction and enjoying the journey of life can replace the constant striving and feeling of inadequacy, promoting a more peaceful and enjoyable existence.

Q & A

What is the main challenge that people with ADHD and multipotentialites face according to the video?

The main challenge is having too many interests and ideas but struggling with implementation and follow-through, leading to a cycle of starting new projects without completing them.

What is a Divergent thinker?

A Divergent thinker is someone whose brain tends to go in many different directions at once, as opposed to a more linear way of thinking that focuses on one thing at a time.

Why do people with ADHD often feel like they are not reaching their potential?

They often feel this way because they tend to jump from one interest to another without completing anything, which leads to a sense of not fulfilling their perceived potential.

What is the role of dopamine in the context of ADHD and task completion?

Dopamine levels in the brain can affect motivation and the ability to take a project through to completion, especially when the task is no longer perceived as interesting.

What are some reasons that might cause someone to abandon a project before completion?

Reasons include boredom, realizing it's not the right thing, wanting to do something else, or internal beliefs that prevent them from completing tasks, such as thinking they are never successful or never finish anything.

What does the speaker suggest as a solution to manage multiple interests and increase follow-through?

The speaker suggests embracing the part of oneself that feels like it's not measuring up and learning to discern between interests driven by inherent desire and those driven by social expectations or obligations.

Why do people often feel not good enough or broken?

This feeling often stems from societal scorecards and expectations that are imposed on individuals from a young age, leading to a belief that one must meet 100% of these standards to be considered successful or adequate.

How can someone determine if their striving is due to social expectations or their own authentic interests?

By listing all the things they have done in the spirit of striving towards betterment, then distinguishing which of those actions were taken out of obligation or social scorecards versus those that were driven by their inherent interests.

What is the significance of choosing actions that align with one's authentic self?

Choosing actions that align with one's authentic self can lead to increased motivation, interest, and energy, making it more likely for individuals to follow through and complete those tasks.

What is the importance of discernment in managing one's interests and commitments?

Discernment helps individuals differentiate between commitments made out of obligation or social pressure and those that are a true reflection of their desires and identity, leading to more meaningful and fulfilling actions.

How can someone move towards their own version of potential?

By understanding and acknowledging the societal scorecards that have influenced their perception of potential, and then making choices that are more aligned with their authentic self and inherent interests.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Struggling with Ideas and Implementation

This paragraph discusses the common issue of having too many ideas without follow-through, leading to a cycle of starting new hobbies, interests, or projects only to abandon them partway. The speaker, Caren Mill, introduces herself as an ADHD coach and outlines that this problem is not only for those with ADHD but also for multipotentialites. It emphasizes the divergent thinking pattern of the ADHD brain, which contrasts with the more linear thinking of neurotypical individuals. The summary also touches on the challenges of maintaining interest and overcoming limiting beliefs, suggesting that embracing self-awareness could help in managing these multiple interests more effectively.

05:02

🧐 The Myth of Potential and Social Scorecards

The second paragraph delves into the societal pressures that contribute to the feeling of not being good enough. It talks about how from a young age, people are measured against various scorecards, leading to a belief that one must meet 100% of these expectations to be considered successful. This leads to a constant striving for improvement and a feeling of failure when these expectations are not met. The speaker suggests that recognizing and challenging these scorecards is essential. It also introduces the idea of accepting the part of oneself that feels inadequate as a step towards managing multiple interests and finding a more immediate solution rather than years of therapy.

10:03

📝 Discerning Between Authentic Interests and Social Obligations

The third paragraph provides a practical exercise to help differentiate between interests pursued out of genuine desire and those pursued due to social expectations or a sense of obligation. It encourages self-reflection by listing activities undertaken with the aim of self-improvement and then categorizing them based on whether they were chosen freely or out of obligation. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of aligning actions with one's authentic self to increase motivation and the likelihood of follow-through. It also acknowledges that while some obligations are unavoidable, there is always room for choice in how we approach them, and choosing in alignment with one's true self can lead to a more fulfilling life.

15:04

🌟 Embracing Authenticity and Enjoying the Journey

The final paragraph summarizes the key message of the video: embracing one's authentic self and enjoying the journey of life rather than constantly striving to meet unrealistic expectations. It encourages viewers to pause and reflect on the source of their striving, whether it stems from a place of inadequacy or a genuine desire for self-improvement. The speaker advises making commitments that are in alignment with one's true self and interests, which will naturally lead to a sense of peace and momentum. The paragraph concludes with a reminder that life is a journey without a specific destination, and the goal should be to enjoy the process rather than being preoccupied with reaching an unattainable ideal.

Keywords

💡Implementation

Implementation refers to the act of putting a plan or idea into action. In the context of the video, it is about following through with one's ideas and seeing them through to completion, which is a challenge for individuals with ADHD and those who are multipotentialites.

💡Divergent thinkers

Divergent thinkers are individuals who have a cognitive style characterized by generating many unique ideas or solutions. In the video, it is mentioned that people with ADHD are often divergent thinkers, which can lead to having multiple interests but difficulty in maintaining focus on a single task.

💡Neurotypical

Neurotypical is a term used to describe individuals whose cognitive functioning and behavior are considered to be within the range of what is considered 'normal' or typical for the general population. The video contrasts the linear thinking of neurotypical individuals with the divergent thinking of those with ADHD.

💡Multipotentialites

Multipotentialites are people who have a wide range of interests and are often drawn to multiple fields or areas of study. The video discusses the challenges faced by multipotentialites in maintaining focus and completing projects due to their diverse interests.

💡Limiting beliefs

Limiting beliefs are fixed ideas or assumptions that can hinder personal growth and development. In the video, it is suggested that limiting beliefs may prevent individuals from completing projects or pursuing their interests fully, leading to a cycle of starting new projects without finishing the previous ones.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the state of being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. The video emphasizes the importance of embracing one's authentic self and making choices that align with one's inherent interests and values, rather than pursuing goals based on societal expectations or obligations.

💡Scorecards

Scorecards, in the context of the video, symbolize societal standards or metrics by which individuals measure their success or self-worth. The speaker argues that people often feel inadequate because they believe they must meet these external standards, which can lead to a constant feeling of not being enough.

💡Dopamine levels

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with reward and motivation. The video suggests that individuals with ADHD may struggle to maintain high dopamine levels, which can affect their ability to stay interested in and complete projects.

💡Neurodivergent

Neurodivergent refers to individuals whose neurological development and functioning differ from what is considered the societal norm. The term is used in the video to describe people with conditions like ADHD, who may have unique strengths and challenges in comparison to neurotypical individuals.

💡Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a feeling of being excessively burdened or stressed by a large number of tasks or interests. The video discusses how having too many interests and commitments can lead to a sense of overwhelm, which can prevent individuals from making progress in any particular area.

💡Discernment

Discernment is the ability to distinguish between different options or courses of action. The video encourages individuals to develop discernment in order to differentiate between pursuits that are driven by genuine interest and those that are driven by societal pressures or obligations.

Highlights

The struggle with having too many ideas and little implementation is common among adult ADHDers and multipotentialites.

People with ADHD tend to be Divergent thinkers, with brains that go in many directions at once, unlike neurotypical linear thinkers.

The inability to complete tasks due to boredom, incorrect direction, or desire to do something else leads to a cycle of starting over.

ADHD coaching aims to help ambitious minds manage their multiple interests and achieve more control over their energy and life outcomes.

Interest-driven brains may lack the dopamine to complete projects once the initial interest wanes.

Limiting beliefs can cause individuals to abandon projects when they encounter difficulty, believing they are destined to fail.

Embracing one's inherent desire for multiple interests can help in aligning these interests with one's true self.

The majority of people seeking ADHD coaching express a feeling of not reaching their potential due to constant shifting between interests.

The belief that one is not good enough is often ingrained from societal scorecards applied from a young age.

Accepting oneself as a whole person can help in managing the chaos of multiple interests and commitments.

Discerning between actions taken out of social obligation and those aligned with one's authentic self is crucial for personal progress.

Creating a list of actions taken towards betterment can help identify which are driven by social expectations and which are inherently desired.

Choosing actions that feel natural and authentic leads to more motivation and energy, facilitating completion of tasks.

Even in obligatory areas of life, there is always room for choice, which can be made in alignment with one's true self.

Building the muscle of discernment is key to making better choices and following through with commitments.

Accepting oneself and focusing on authentic directions can lead to a more peaceful and enjoyable life journey.

The video aims to provide a deeper understanding of the issues faced by ADHDers and multipotentialites to help them move towards their own version of potential.

Transcripts

ah if you clicked on this video then it

is very likely that you have a struggle

with having too many ideas but very

little implementation or follow through

you probably have a lot of new hobbies

and interests and careers and

relationships but 25% down the line you

have a tendency to poop out and then

you're back at square one doing

something new and as a result you're

feeling like ah you're not Reaching Your

Potential and you're not really getting

anywhere in life and you're looking

around at every else and you feel very

behind so if any of that lands for you

then keep watching because in today's

video I'm going to walk through why this

happens specifically for adult adhders

and multipotentialites and more

importantly what we can do about it to

have more control over the things that

we're actually pouring our energy into

in life and that we can have better

outcomes overall but before we get into

it if today is the first time you are

landing here then welcome my name is

Caren Mill I an ADHD coaching Creator

and I'm here

for the busy ambitious brains who want

to do all of the things but they can't

because they want to do all of the

things I know you know what I'm talking

about right yeah I see you so let's

start with breaking down why this

happens and I'm going to start by

looking through the lens of an ADHD

person but let's also include

multipotentialites in there because I

don't think that this is solely an ADHD

problem but it tends to be far worse for

us so why is it that we have so many

interests from a neurological standpoint

we are Divergent thinkers that means

that our brain is often going in a

million different directions at once

however a neurotypical brain tends to be

a little bit more linear in the way they

think so they have an idea and then they

think about the next step and the next

step after that until they get to

whatever sort of outcome they want so

obviously there is a big benefit to

linear thinking in that you can focus on

one thing from start to completion and

get the satisfac of actually having

completed the thing so you can move on

to whatever comes next so it's very

obvious then why this becomes a problem

for Divergent thinkers because we have

one idea we go 25% in that direction and

we either stop because we get bored of

it or we realize it's not the right

thing or we want to do something else

and then we come back to ground zero and

start again with a new idea and we just

keep doing that over and over again

until we run out of space money time and

people who will put up with all of our

interest changes so at a high level

that's basically what's happening in the

ADHD brain and it is why we have a

tendency to jump around an awful lot now

there's other reasons for this obviously

like for example we have interest driven

brains which means we can only take a

project as far as it is interesting to

us and then at which point we may not

have the dopamine levels in our brain in

order to take it through to completion

or there might be limiting beliefs at

play which means we'll take a project to

a certain amount amount and then our

beliefs say well I never finish anything

anyways or I'm never successful at

anything so the minute something gets

hard we say ah I might as well give it

up right now and move on to the next

thing because this is never going to

work so there's a lot of things that are

happening under the hood of the ADHD

brain that makes us jump from thing to

thing but I believe if we can embrace

the idea I'm about to share with you

with a true sense of awareness of where

it's coming from I do think it will help

us rein in those multiple interests so

that they're more aligned to who we are

and we make a lot more progress going

further and I think it's also

interesting to point out that the

majority of people that seek out an ADHD

coach do so because they say they're not

reaching their potential and what that

really means is that they're constantly

jumping from thing to thing and never

seeing anything through to completion

which is what in their mind is

considered their potential so by the end

of this video I'm hoping that you have a

much broader and deeper understanding of

what's at play here here so that you can

actually move yourself towards your own

version of potential and hone in that

tendency to jump from thing to thing to

thing so let's get into it so I'm going

to cut to the chase right now and start

off with the real reason I think all of

us deal with this problem and that is we

have this inherent belief that who we

are right now is not good enough now

here me out when we are born and we're

just little babies there are very few

expectations of us right like getting

your diaper changed getting fed and

going to sleep but somewhere between the

ages of I would say 0 to 5 the world

starts applying scorecards to us and

therein lies the issue we are never

taught at any point throughout our life

to decide whether or not we want to be

measured by a specific scorecard we just

assume that all of the scorecards are

relevant to us and we have to hit 100%

at all of them which is physically

mentally and realistically impossible

and there therefore we are somehow not

enough or broken or not reaching our

potential and our potential is us

meeting 100% of some random scorecard

that we didn't choose for ourselves

Society put upon us so when a client

comes to me and tells me that they're

not living up to their potential my

first question to them is what potential

based on Whose scorecard and in what

area of life like specifically tell me

where you're fall short of your own

potential there are so many scorecards

out there that we are measuring

ourselves against whether we realize it

or not that we can't pin point where

we're specifically falling short it's

just a globalized feeling of falling

behind or being a failure or somehow

being broken what happens to a person

who fundamentally believes that they are

broken or in somehow wrong or bad well

the first thing they're going to do is

to continue to strive to improve

themselves and try and rid themselves of

that feeling and sometimes that's a good

thing when there's something we want to

do and we don't feel like we have the

appropriate skills or education to do it

it's great to try and improve yourself

in that direction but what if you have a

million different interests and you're

going in a million different directions

it becomes very difficult to pinpoint

where you should put your focus or

energy and also you have no idea what

Reaching Your Potential looks like in

any of those directions there's too much

right so it creates a feeling of

helplessness that you see that you're

broken you can see where you're falling

short of everybody else but you have no

idea how to fix it I know you feel this

way because I hear it from my clients

all the time and I felt this way myself

too so what do we do about it well you

can definitely go to therapy and spend

years and years trying to reverse these

deeply socialized beliefs about yourself

or if you want a more immediate solution

to help you manage all of these

different interests is to Simply accept

that this part of yourself exists there

is a part of yourself that has been

socialized to believe that it's not

measuring up and it's not just you we

all feel that way we are all measured

against scorecards where we don't feel

like we're enough regardless of whether

you're neurod divergent or neurotypical

it doesn't matter we all feel that way

so if we can Embrace this part of our

Human Condition then at least we can

accept why we have been trying to do so

many things all of these years that we

have been driving in a million different

directions just trying to rid ourselves

of that feeling and accept that if it

hasn't worked so far then whatever we're

doing to date is not working and we need

a new approach and what I'm going to

give you in terms of a new approach is

going to feel very uncomfortable if you

are a Divergent thinker and you have a

million thoughts and a million

aspirations all at once I want to tell

you that it's okay if that is part of

your nature it is okay to want more than

one thing

the problem we get into is that some of

the things that we think about or go

after are things that we really want to

do and another portion of the things

that we go after are based on shs

obligations and imposed social

scorecards that other people are putting

on us and the true work for you that's

going to transform the chaos you have in

your life is to learn how to discern the

difference between those two things the

things that you want to go after because

of inherent interest and the shoulds and

the obligations and the scorecards so

that is a very broad statement let's

bring it down to a tactical area grab a

piece of pen and paper pick an area of

your life where you feel like you are

not measuring up or you're not Reaching

Your Potential or you feel like you're

somewhat inherently not good enough and

that can be home life family friends

work health wealth put whatever area you

have decided upon at the top of your

paper and then what I want you to do is

take a minute to write a list of all of

the things that you've done in the

spirit of striving towards betterment in

this area what have you signed up for

what have you bought what have you

promised and not delivered on what have

you committed to but not followed

through with list all of the things that

you have done and take a few minutes and

really rack your brain on this one and

feel free to pause the video in order to

give yourself some time to think about

this look at your list and ask yourself

of all of the things that I have done on

this list

what have I done because of social

expectations or scorecards or because I

felt like I should or because I felt

obligated to and just make a check mark

beside each of those things that apply

to that question now I want you to go

back through that list with this

question in mind of all of these things

that I've done what did I do because I

truly wanted to do and by that I mean

either you had a desire to do it or it

felt easeful or it felt align to who you

are like it just felt like something you

thought was the best way to go even if

it wasn't a popular opinion go ahead and

circle all of the things that you've

done that felt authentic to you now that

you're done I want you to look at that

list how many of the things that you did

have a circle around them meaning

they're the things that you wanted to do

or felt most aligned with you versus how

many things have you tried that have a

little check mark that indicates that

you did it because it was either an

obligation or you you feel like you

should do it this list right here is

actually the only scorecard you ever

need to measure yourself against in your

life and that scorecard will tell you

how much you are operating from a place

of shoulds commitments or social

scorecards versus operating from your

authentic self your intuition your gut

sense your instincts and who you really

are as a person and the more you can

discern between the two of those and

choose in the direction of what feels

natural authentic and true to you versus

obligations shoulds and social

scorecards the more you are going to

manage this chaos of picking up new

things all the time and not being able

to follow through with them why the more

you are able to choose in a direction of

authenticity the more your interest

driven nervous system is going to be in

alignment with that path the more

dopamine you're going to have the more

interest and energy you're going to have

and the more motivation you're going to

have to follow through and complete

whatever it is you've started everything

in that direction is going to make your

life more easeful everything you choose

out of obligation or should is going to

feel harder you're going to

procrastinate more it's going to be

pushing a boulder up a heel again and

again and again and the less likely you

are to follow through and I know you're

thinking but Karen there are things in

my life I just have to do that are in

this category absolutely you have to pay

your taxes or you'll go to jail you have

to go to work or you'll lose your job

however within all of those categories

where you feel morally or legally

obligated to do them there's always

choice for example you get to choose the

career you want to go after if you

choose a career based on social status

it is going to be a slog the entire time

if you choose a career based on natural

interests and the way you like to work

it's going to be much easeful everything

in life that you are obligated to do or

else you'll go to jail still has so much

Choice within it yes you have to pay

your taxes but you have the choice as to

whether or not you do them yourself yes

you need to have a roof over your head

but you get to choose where it is what

it looks like whether you own it or rent

it or share it with a bunch of people

everything in life that is an obligation

still comes with a myriad of choice and

that is the privilege of living in a

first world country I recognize that not

everybody watching this video will have

full autonomy in this area but there is

so much choice and if you do not believe

that you have Choice even in the things

that you're obligated to do then that is

coming from a victim mindset and it is a

very limited view of the world there are

infinite choices for all of us at any

point in life all you have to do is

build that muscle of discernment is this

what I want to do because it inherently

Curr L feels aligned to who I am or am I

doing this out of a perceived obligation

or to meet some sort of social standard

as adults we absolutely have control

over how we spend our time money energy

and who we spend all of that with not

100% of the time that's for sure but for

a large majority of us we have the

ability to make choices and the more you

choose in alignment with who you are the

better choices you will make the less

choices you will make because you will

follow through with things more often so

to wrap up if you are feeling that sense

of chaos and overwhelm because you have

way too many interests and commitments

and hobbies and all of these things and

yet you can't seem to move forward on

any of them pause and ask yourself where

is the striving coming from am I

inherently operating from a place of not

feeling enough like I need to improve

myself in some way or can I accept that

I am a whole person just as I am and the

ding part of my personality may always

be there but I don't need to let it run

the show and then make a commitment to

yourself to go through all of the

chaotic areas of your life and do that

exercise of defining what is in

alignment to who you really truly are

and what you want versus everything else

and trust me on this the more you move

in that inherent authentic Direction the

more you will feel a momentum of peace

in your life and over time you might

realize that the feeling of striving and

trying to fix yourself starts to recede

and what it's replaced with is an

enjoyment of the Journey of life because

that's all this really is there is no

destination for any of us other than

death so you might as well enjoy the

journey as you're going so that is what

I've got for you today I hope that that

landed for you in some way and thanks

for watching I'll see you in the next

video bye for now