structural family therapy example

Summary

In this family therapy session, Don and Angela, alongside their children Ben and Heather, navigate the strain in their relationships post-divorce. The session focuses on their intense conflicts, particularly between Don and Ben, and the resulting emotional turmoil. The therapist guides them through role-playing to foster empathy and reduce escalation, allowing them to express their true feelings. Don is given permission to step back from mediating disputes, empowering his children to resolve conflicts on their own. The session ends with a breakthrough in communication, highlighting the importance of listening and understanding in rebuilding family dynamics.

Takeaways

• 😀 Don expresses his frustration and fear about his relationship with his son Ben, highlighting concerns over escalating arguments and physical aggression.
• 😀 Angela, Ben’s mother, is confused by the family dynamics after the divorce, unsure why Ben is having issues despite everything seeming fine before the separation.
• 😀 Heather, the youngest child, shares how her relationship with her brother Ben has become increasingly strained, adding stress to the family environment.
• 😀 Ben feels unfairly treated, believing he gets punished more than his sister Heather for similar behavior, and is resentful of being sent to therapy as a punishment.
• 😀 The therapist suggests reenacting an argument to better understand the family dynamics and the recurring issues between the children and their father.
• 😀 Ben recounts an argument with Heather about parking his car in the driveway, with Heather waking him up early to move it, escalating into a conflict about personal responsibility and fairness.
• 😀 The therapist guides Ben and Heather to reenact the argument in a more controlled manner, asking them to communicate their needs instead of yelling at each other.
• 😀 In the reenactment, Ben expresses a need for Heather to back him up when their father criticizes him, and Heather shares her frustration with Ben being inconsiderate of her schedule.
• 😀 The therapist gives Don permission to step back from the argument, allowing him to act as a parent and not feel compelled to mediate the conflict between his children.
• 😀 Both Ben and Heather report that the reenacted conversation felt better because it was more respectful and they could understand each other's perspectives, showing improvement in communication when emotions are de-escalated.

Q & A

What is the main issue the family is facing in therapy?

The main issue the family is facing is intense conflict between the parents, Don and Angela, and their children, especially between Ben and Heather. Don is struggling with Ben's behavior, and there is a breakdown in communication and support within the family, exacerbated by their recent divorce.

How does Don feel about his relationship with his children?

Don expresses a deep love for his children but is overwhelmed by the constant fighting. He admits that he almost hit Ben during an argument, which scares him, leading him to seek therapy to address the escalating tensions.

What role does Angela play in the family dynamic?

Angela, the mother of Ben and Heather, is concerned about the changes in her children’s behavior since the divorce. She feels confused about why Ben is having issues with his father and is hopeful that therapy will help resolve the family’s problems.

How does Heather describe her relationship with her siblings and parents?

Heather describes her relationship with her father, Don, as good but mentions that her relationship with her brother, Ben, has become increasingly strained. She feels that the tension between them is putting stress on the entire family.

Why does Ben feel frustrated with the situation at home?

Ben feels frustrated because he perceives that his actions are unfairly punished, while his sister, Heather, seems to avoid consequences for similar behavior. He also feels misunderstood and believes that his dad’s demands are unreasonable, especially regarding their home responsibilities.

What specific conflict does Ben reenact during the therapy session?

Ben reenacts a conflict with Heather about his car being parked in a way that blocks her from using the garage. He explains that he parked late at night, left the keys by the door, and was woken up early by Heather demanding that he move the car, which led to a heated argument.

How does the therapist guide the family to improve their communication?

The therapist guides the family through reenacting the argument, encouraging Ben and Heather to express their feelings without yelling. The therapist also advises Don to step back and allow his children to resolve their issues without intervening, thereby shifting the power dynamic in the family.

What is the significance of the therapist asking Don to 'stand back' during the reenactment?

The therapist’s request for Don to 'stand back' is meant to empower the children to resolve conflicts on their own and shift the family hierarchy. It allows Don to observe and not get caught in the middle of their arguments, creating space for healthier communication and problem-solving.

What changes did Ben and Heather notice during their reenactment of the conflict?

Ben and Heather both noted that the reenactment felt different because it allowed them to express themselves without yelling. Ben found it strange but appreciated the chance to talk calmly, while Heather felt heard and valued in the conversation, making it feel like a real dialogue.

How did Don feel while observing his children’s reenactment of the conflict?

Don found it difficult to watch his children resolve the conflict without his involvement. He felt concerned that Heather was not fully expressing everything she needed to say, but he acknowledged that the experience felt more positive than previous interactions.