Heal Chaos and Overwhelm: DECLUTTER Every Part of Your Life

Crappy Childhood Fairy
8 May 202337:36

Summary

TLDRThe video script delves into the complex relationship between clutter and mental health, challenging the notion that clutter is solely a cause of issues like anxiety and depression. It presents a hypothesis that clutter might be a symptom of trauma, not the cause, and discusses how trauma can lead to compulsive behaviors and difficulty in managing one's environment. The speaker shares personal experiences and offers practical advice on decluttering as a form of healing and self-regulation. The script touches on various types of clutterβ€”physical, mental, emotional, relationship, and timeβ€”and emphasizes the importance of creating space for growth and new experiences. It concludes with a recommendation for a daily practice technique to help manage the emotional challenges that arise during the decluttering process.

Takeaways

  • 🧐 Clutter is associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, social isolation, and ADHD-like symptoms, but it may not be the direct cause of these issues.
  • πŸ’­ The speaker proposes that clutter could be a symptom of trauma, not the cause, and that trauma affects neurological and behavioral patterns, leading to compulsive behaviors like cluttering.
  • 🌟 Cluttering behavior is compared to an amplified version of normal nesting behavior, which is a natural instinct that can be distorted by trauma into an overwhelming and unproductive pattern.
  • πŸ”„ The act of decluttering can be a powerful re-regulation exercise that can improve mood and focus, with benefits extending to better organization and potentially improved financial management.
  • 🚫 Hoarding is distinguished from cluttering, with the former involving a lack of power and potential distortions in thinking about the importance of items.
  • πŸ’ͺ Starting to heal trauma doesn't always require addressing the root cause; starting with any symptoms where one feels empowered to take action can be effective.
  • 🧹 Physical clutter refers to unnecessary belongings that create a chaotic environment and make it difficult to find needed items, which can be addressed by sorting and storing items properly.
  • πŸ›οΈ The tendency to hold onto items out of fear of future need or due to a history of scarcity can lead to clutter, but recognizing the current abundance can facilitate letting go of unneeded items.
  • πŸ‘• Dealing with sentimental items or clothes that no longer fit can involve donating or discarding them, which can be a form of emotional release and a step towards healing.
  • πŸš— Physical clutter can also extend to items like non-functional cars, which can be a source of shame and represent unresolved issues from the past.
  • πŸ—“οΈ Time clutter involves overcommitting to activities and not leaving enough unscheduled time for rest, creativity, or addressing personal needs, which can lead to burnout and decreased productivity.

Q & A

  • What is the relationship between clutter and mental health issues as discussed in the transcript?

    -The transcript suggests that clutter is associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, social isolation, and ADHD-like symptoms. However, it challenges the notion that clutter is the direct cause of these issues, proposing instead that clutter might be a symptom of trauma alongside other mental health problems.

  • How does trauma affect a person's behavior and what is the hypothesis regarding clutter in this context?

    -Trauma affects people neurologically, impacting their brain, physiology, feelings, and behavior patterns. The hypothesis presented is that clutter is a trauma-driven behavior, potentially a compulsive response to stress or a manifestation of immobilization and unproductiveness caused by trauma.

  • What is the concept of 'nesting behavior' as it relates to cluttering?

    -Nesting behavior refers to the natural and normal instinct to set up one's home space to be comfortable, warm, and orderly. Cluttering is proposed as a trauma-driven, amplified version of nesting behavior, where the instinct to create a comfortable space becomes excessive and leads to accumulation of unnecessary items.

  • Why might decluttering be a challenge for individuals with trauma?

    -Decluttering can be difficult for individuals with trauma because it requires inner power and motivation, which trauma can diminish. The process of decluttering can also bring up feelings of overwhelm and dysregulation, making it hard to take action and organize or clean up one's space.

  • What are some practical steps suggested for dealing with physical clutter?

    -The transcript suggests starting with small, manageable tasks like cleaning out old vegetables in the fridge or organizing papers. It also recommends donating, selling, or disposing of items that are no longer needed or used, and using productivity methods to tackle larger tasks like repairing and selling a broken bike.

  • How does the concept of 'inner power' play a role in the ability to declutter?

    -Inner power is described as the motivation and ability to take action. It is suggested that individuals need to find and activate this inner power to overcome feelings of overwhelm and to effectively declutter their spaces. This power also helps in managing emotions, focusing the mind, and feeling more open to new experiences.

  • What is the connection between childhood trauma and clutter?

    -The transcript suggests that individuals who have experienced childhood trauma often struggle with clutter not just in their physical spaces but also in their minds and relationships. This clutter can manifest as excessive thoughts, emotional reactions, and unnecessary relationships that hinder their ability to heal and move forward.

  • What are the different types of clutter mentioned in the transcript?

    -The transcript discusses physical clutter (belongings), mental clutter (thoughts and ideas), emotional clutter (feelings and beliefs), relationship clutter (unhealthy relationships), and time clutter (overbooking and lack of prioritization).

  • How does the speaker suggest dealing with emotional clutter?

    -The speaker suggests recognizing and letting go of old resentments, beliefs, and stories that no longer serve the individual. This includes addressing unhealthy social media habits, seeking out useful and uplifting information, and challenging self-limiting beliefs.

  • What is the significance of addressing relationship clutter?

    -Addressing relationship clutter involves removing people from one's life who do not contribute positively, making space for those who inspire and support the individual. This process is important for creating an environment conducive to healing and personal growth.

  • Why is time clutter a concern and how can it be managed?

    -Time clutter is a concern because it leads to overcommitment and a lack of time for self-care, healing, and personal development. It can be managed by learning to say no, setting boundaries, and creating unscheduled time for relaxation, reflection, and inspiration.

  • What is the 'daily practice techniques' course mentioned in the transcript and how can it help with decluttering?

    -The 'daily practice techniques' is a free online course that teaches methods to help individuals process and release emotional friction and trauma-driven feelings. It can assist in maintaining a steady and sustained decluttering process by providing tools to handle the emotional challenges that arise during decluttering.

Outlines

00:00

πŸ”„ Reassessing the Impact of Clutter

This section challenges the conventional belief that clutter directly causes mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Instead, it proposes that both clutter and these symptoms could be manifestations of underlying trauma. The speaker suggests that trauma leads to compulsive behaviors and neurologic changes, which may manifest as clutter. This 'cluttering behavior' is seen as an exaggerated form of nesting, driven by trauma, pushing natural instincts to an unhealthy extreme. The concept is introduced that addressing any symptom, including clutter, could be a starting point in the healing process.

05:00

πŸ“¦ Expanding the Definition of Clutter

Clutter is further defined in various forms beyond physical items, extending into emotional, mental, and relational aspects. Emotional clutter includes misplaced and prolonged emotions, mental clutter pertains to disorganized thoughts, and relational clutter refers to the presence of unnecessary or harmful relationships. Time clutter, another form, involves poor prioritization leading to an overwhelming schedule. The discussion includes how handling these forms of clutter can improve symptoms of childhood PTSD and bring peace and order into one's life.

10:03

πŸ›  Practical Approaches to Decluttering

This segment delves into practical methods for decluttering, emphasizing the emotional and financial aspects of letting go of unused items. It explores scenarios such as selling items, like bicycles, and the psychological barriers to disposing of them. The narrative covers the difficulty in parting with items accumulated due to past scarcities, such as food, and suggests donating as a viable solution. The segment concludes with an encouragement to prioritize decluttering as a step towards personal empowerment and better mental health.

15:03

🧼 Overcoming Emotional Hoarding

Here, the focus shifts to the emotional and psychological implications of hoarding, particularly related to makeup and clothing. The speaker reflects on her journey of letting go of old, sentimental items that no longer serve her, illustrating how decluttering can also be a metaphor for moving on from past identities and traumas. This section touches on the therapeutic benefits of eliminating what no longer serves us, suggesting that decluttering our physical space can lead to mental clarity and emotional release.

20:06

🧠 Tackling Mental and Emotional Clutter

The discussion centers on the challenges of mental and emotional clutter, which includes harboring outdated beliefs and resentments that cloud judgment and emotional well-being. The speaker highlights the importance of recognizing and releasing these burdens as essential steps in healing from trauma. Techniques like daily practice for mental decluttering, prioritization, and use of tools like to-do lists and calendars are emphasized as strategies to manage and overcome the overwhelming influx of thoughts and emotions.

25:07

🌱 Cultivating a Clutter-Free Environment

This segment explores the broader implications of clutter in relationships and time management, suggesting that decluttering can lead to a healthier, more focused life. It encourages a proactive approach to reducing relational and schedule clutter, thereby fostering environments that promote safety, comfort, and productivity. The narrative also touches on the benefits of meditation and quiet time for introspection and recovery, advocating for a balanced life that allows for personal growth and healing.

30:09

πŸ”— Breaking Free from Emotional and Practical Clutter

The final section reinforces the idea that clutter, in all its forms, acts as a barrier to life's opportunities and stresses the importance of decluttering as a transformative process. The speaker encourages tackling clutter not just physically but also mentally and emotionally, suggesting that clearing space can lead to new possibilities and a fuller, more engaged life. The conclusion emphasizes the need for tools to handle the emotions and challenges that arise from decluttering, offering resources like online courses to assist in the process.

Mindmap

Keywords

πŸ’‘Clutter

Clutter refers to the state of having an excessive amount of disorganized or superfluous items in one's living or working space. In the video, it is discussed as a potential symptom of trauma, rather than a direct cause of issues like anxiety and depression. The speaker uses personal examples, such as holding onto old clothes or silverware, to illustrate how clutter can accumulate and impact one's mental and emotional state.

πŸ’‘Trauma

Trauma is defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that may have long-lasting emotional effects. The video suggests that clutter is a symptom of trauma, affecting one's neurology and leading to compulsive behaviors. The speaker's hypothesis is that trauma causes a range of symptoms, including clutter, depression, and anxiety, rather than clutter causing these issues.

πŸ’‘Neurological Dysregulation

Neurological dysregulation occurs when there is an imbalance in the nervous system's normal functioning, which can manifest in various emotional or behavioral changes. The video connects this concept to the impact of trauma, suggesting that it can lead to cluttering behavior as the brain's way of expressing the stress and disorganization caused by trauma.

πŸ’‘Nesting Behavior

Nesting behavior is a natural instinct to prepare one's living space for comfort and safety. The video posits that cluttering is a trauma-driven distortion of this normal behavior. It is described as an amplified version of nesting that leads to an overwhelming accumulation of items, rather than an organized and functional space.

πŸ’‘Hoarding

Hoarding is characterized by an excessive collection of items and an inability to discard them, which can lead to significant distress or impairment. The video distinguishes hoarding from clutter, with the latter being a more manageable issue that the speaker is addressing. Hoarding is mentioned as a separate, more challenging issue that involves not just a lack of power but also a distortion in thinking about the importance of items.

πŸ’‘Emotional Clutter

Emotional clutter refers to the accumulation of old feelings, beliefs, and resentments that can weigh a person down and prevent emotional growth. In the video, the speaker discusses how letting go of these emotions can create space for new experiences and a lighter emotional state. An example given is the process of releasing resentment from past relationships.

πŸ’‘Mental Clutter

Mental clutter describes the state of having a mind filled with excessive thoughts, worries, or unresolved issues. The video emphasizes the importance of using tools like to-do lists and calendars to organize thoughts and create mental space. The speaker shares personal strategies for decluttering the mind, such as daily practices that help process and release negative thoughts.

πŸ’‘Relationship Clutter

Relationship clutter involves having too many relationships that do not serve one's well-being, taking up emotional and time resources that could be better used elsewhere. The video suggests that by identifying and letting go of relationships that no longer serve a positive purpose, individuals can make space for more meaningful and supportive connections.

πŸ’‘Time Clutter

Time clutter is the over-scheduling of one's time with activities, leading to a lack of free time for self-care, reflection, and personal growth. The video argues that unscheduled time is necessary for recharging and allowing new ideas to emerge. The speaker encourages viewers to clear their calendars of non-essential commitments to create space for healing and growth.

πŸ’‘Inner Power

Inner power, as discussed in the video, is the personal strength and motivation needed to take action and make changes in one's life. It is portrayed as a crucial element for overcoming the inertia caused by trauma and clutter. The speaker shares that recognizing and harnessing one's inner power is key to initiating the decluttering process and maintaining it.

πŸ’‘Decluttering

Decluttering is the process of removing unnecessary items or elements from one's life to create a more organized, manageable, and peaceful environment. The video emphasizes decluttering as a powerful exercise for self-regulation with benefits that extend beyond the physical organization of space. It is presented as a means to improve mood, focus, and overall well-being.

Highlights

Studies suggest a correlation between home clutter and increased rates of anxiety, depression, social isolation, and ADHD-like symptoms.

Contrary to assumptions, clutter may not be the direct cause of these issues but rather a symptom of underlying trauma.

Trauma can affect people neurologically, influencing behavior patterns, feelings, and potentially leading to compulsive hoarding.

Cluttering behavior is proposed as a trauma-driven version of the natural nesting instinct, amplified to a point of dysfunction.

Decluttering can be a powerful exercise for re-regulation, with benefits extending to improved focus and mood.

Healing from trauma may not always require addressing the root cause first; starting with symptoms where one feels empowered can be effective.

Hoarding is distinguished from cluttering, with the former involving a lack of power and potential distortions in thinking.

Physical clutter, such as unused belongings, can cause visual chaos and hinder the ability to find necessary items.

Mental clutter, including excessive thoughts and stress, can impede focus and the ability to make decisions.

Emotional clutter can arise from unresolved feelings and reactions that are no longer relevant or beneficial.

Relationship clutter involves maintaining connections with people who no longer serve a positive purpose in one's life.

Time clutter is characterized by overcommitment and a lack of unscheduled time for self-care and personal growth.

Decluttering physical spaces can lead to a sense of peace and possibility, which can enhance inner power.

The act of giving away or donating items can be a healthy way to let go of clutter and contribute to the well-being of others.

Decluttering can be a gradual process, starting with small steps and building up to more significant changes over time.

Inner power is a key component in overcoming clutter, and it can be developed and accessed through various techniques and practices.

Daily practice techniques are recommended for managing and releasing emotional friction that arises during the decluttering process.

The ultimate goal of decluttering is to create space for growth, healing, and the entry of positive experiences into one's life.

Transcripts

play00:00

studies show that people with a lot of

play00:02

clutter around their homes have a higher

play00:05

than average rate of anxiety depression

play00:07

social isolation and ADHD like symptoms

play00:11

but here's what bugs me about these

play00:13

studies they assume that all these

play00:17

symptoms are caused by clutter and

play00:19

therefore if you clean up the Clutter

play00:20

you won't be depressed and stuck anymore

play00:22

you'll be happier more focused more

play00:25

connected to other people and honestly

play00:27

there's some truth to this but that

play00:29

doesn't mean that clutter is the main

play00:30

cause of those problems I'm going to put

play00:33

a bold hypothesis out here and that's

play00:36

that clutter is just one more symptom of

play00:39

trauma alongside depression anxiety

play00:41

isolation and so on but it's not the

play00:44

direct cause of those symptoms now we

play00:47

know that trauma affects people

play00:48

neurologically and that means your brain

play00:50

your physiology your feelings and your

play00:53

behavior patterns now trauma can make

play00:56

people compulsive it can fill your

play00:58

thinking with stressful thoughts it can

play01:00

make you feel immobilized and

play01:02

unproductive

play01:04

it does something to your neurology that

play01:06

is quite often expressed as cluttering

play01:09

behaviors accumulating stuff that you

play01:12

don't need and piling it up around your

play01:14

living space or working space

play01:17

intending to get organized at some point

play01:19

in the future but not having the inner

play01:22

power to do that

play01:23

and I think cluttering behavior is a

play01:25

trauma-driven version of Something

play01:27

normal and natural that we call nesting

play01:30

behavior and nesting that's setting up

play01:33

your home space making it comfortable

play01:35

and warm and orderly and well stocked

play01:38

which is a good and natural instinct

play01:41

but like all good instincts trauma can

play01:44

push this one over the line into

play01:47

something over the top and that's what

play01:50

cluttering is that good Instinct at an

play01:53

amplified level that makes it not good

play01:55

that is caused by and causes a feeling

play01:59

of overwhelm and inability to get

play02:02

organized or to take action by cleaning

play02:04

up your stuff

play02:06

so you have too much food and some of it

play02:09

is rotting or too many jackets or giant

play02:12

stacks of papers you've been meaning to

play02:14

go through or you can't find your

play02:16

toolbox because you left it lying around

play02:17

and then other stuff got piled up on top

play02:19

of it that kind of thing so that's what

play02:22

I mean when I say I have my own

play02:24

hypothesis and it kind of goes against

play02:26

the research because while researchers

play02:28

assume that the symptoms that go along

play02:30

with clutter are the cause of clutter I

play02:33

believe that clutter is more like a

play02:34

fellow symptom trauma causes all of them

play02:37

depression anxiety lack of mental focus

play02:39

and clutter does that feel true to you

play02:42

well wherever it comes from I think

play02:44

these symptoms interact with each other

play02:46

and that's why when you're healing

play02:48

trauma I don't believe that you have to

play02:50

always start with the root cause of the

play02:52

trauma you can start anywhere in your

play02:55

symptoms where you feel enough inner

play02:57

power to take some action so are you

play02:59

ready to throw out the old vegetables in

play03:01

the fridge and clean out those icky

play03:03

drawers that's a great place to start Do

play03:06

you have a a couple of hours available

play03:07

to organize all your unsorted papers

play03:10

into separate stacks of you know trash

play03:12

file and do something about that's also

play03:16

a great idea and you know what both of

play03:18

those actions would almost certainly

play03:20

lift your mood and improve your ability

play03:21

to focus

play03:23

decluttering is a powerful re-regulation

play03:26

exercise with very good fringe benefits

play03:29

of like your bills get paid but in my

play03:32

experience you're always going to need

play03:34

to be healing your dysregulation

play03:36

symptoms to even find that inner power

play03:38

to do any decluttering at all because

play03:42

that's the problem right you know you

play03:44

should declutter but you have a lack of

play03:46

power to do it not doing it makes all

play03:49

the other problems in your life a little

play03:51

worse now hoarding is like a separate

play03:53

thing and it's harder to change and I'm

play03:56

not really talking about that here today

play03:57

but in that one it's it's uh not only is

play04:01

there a lack of power but there can also

play04:03

be a distortion in the thinking that it

play04:04

needs to be done it just seems like know

play04:07

everything as it is is terribly

play04:08

important so I'm distinguishing clutter

play04:10

is like no you agree it's a problem I

play04:12

wish I didn't have all this stuff piled

play04:14

up I can't find my keys so you agree

play04:16

it's a problem it's a lack of power

play04:19

so getting that inner power moving and

play04:21

accessing it that's how you're going to

play04:23

be able to declutter and with that power

play04:26

moving activated in you you'll also find

play04:29

that your your emotions get lighter your

play04:32

mind is more focused you feel calmer and

play04:35

you feel more open to new experiences

play04:37

and letting people into your life I mean

play04:40

have you ever had that it kind of goes

play04:41

together

play04:42

clutter is a huge problem for a lot of

play04:45

people who had childhood trauma

play04:47

and it's not just the physical space and

play04:49

belongings that could be called clutter

play04:52

right people with cptsd also experience

play04:55

mental clutter too much on your mind all

play04:58

in a jumble can't focus or read

play05:00

situations because it's like a you know

play05:02

the bag of cats in there and then

play05:04

there's emotional clutter where your

play05:06

feelings are popping up everywhere some

play05:07

of them from so long ago you didn't even

play05:09

know where they're coming from but you

play05:11

have a debilitating reaction to them

play05:13

that's totally getting in your way and

play05:15

there's also relationship clutter where

play05:17

the people are in your life they're a

play05:19

mix of people who are good to have in

play05:21

your life and people who maybe should

play05:23

not be in your life anymore and finally

play05:25

there's time clutter where you're

play05:28

overbooked you're not prioritizing

play05:30

you're getting swept away in things that

play05:32

feel urgent and ignoring things that are

play05:34

actually important and I'm going to talk

play05:36

about all of these because they're all

play05:39

common with childhood PTSD and they can

play05:42

all improve when you have the power to

play05:44

change even one of them

play05:47

when you learn to detect and heal

play05:49

neurological dysregulation that's caused

play05:51

by trauma this in turn causes so many

play05:54

other trauma symptoms

play05:56

including the ones that trigger your

play05:58

tendency to stay cluttered whether it's

play06:00

your calendar your file cabinet you know

play06:02

the floor of your car whatever having

play06:05

space and order I mean doesn't that

play06:08

sound good when you can practice

play06:11

noticing your neurological dysregulation

play06:13

which is a common trauma symptom and

play06:15

learning to master re-regulation the

play06:18

Clutter of all kinds starts to settle

play06:20

down and there's a wonderful appealing

play06:22

feeling of peace and possibility that

play06:25

can come into your life and that's

play06:27

another source where that well where

play06:29

your inner power comes from it begins to

play06:31

fill up because there's peace there's

play06:33

visual space around you and there's time

play06:36

so let's start with physical clutter I'm

play06:39

talking about belongings just strewn

play06:41

around your physical space in your house

play06:43

in your yard in your car in the place

play06:46

where you work and it's visually chaotic

play06:48

it's full of things that you don't

play06:50

actually use or need and that makes it

play06:52

hard to find what you do need like do

play06:54

you keep huge boxes or racks of multiple

play06:57

sizes of clothes in case you lose weight

play06:59

or gain weight even though the clothes

play07:01

that don't fit now are old and out of

play07:04

style and do the clothes that fit you

play07:06

right now have a good place to live in a

play07:08

closet with enough hangers or enough

play07:10

drawer space where clothes are clean and

play07:12

ready to wear right am I nailing you

play07:15

about something this multiple sizes of

play07:17

clothes is totally a thing with people

play07:19

who struggle with their weight

play07:20

that you never really know like what

play07:22

size you know sometimes it'll come down

play07:24

for a while it goes back up and that's

play07:26

one of the beautiful things when order

play07:28

comes into your life around food you

play07:30

know and it's it can be a long time

play07:32

coming it goes this is the thing that

play07:34

goes along with trauma quite a lot like

play07:35

sort of clutter of the food clutter of

play07:38

of what you choose to eat and what you

play07:40

have available to yourself but then that

play07:42

has this effect on clothes and it can

play07:45

mean lots of boxes and cramming in

play07:47

closets and then a weird like whole like

play07:49

segments of your closet that are sort of

play07:51

Shame portions clothes you can't get

play07:53

into and what you can do with clothes

play07:55

that don't fit right now is you can put

play07:57

them away it's okay to put them away but

play07:59

put them in a way in a you know a stored

play08:01

fashion and not just piled up everywhere

play08:04

and trying to figure it out and every

play08:05

time you try something that's the wrong

play08:06

size you feel bad about yourself like

play08:09

why do that to yourself do you pick

play08:12

things up at thrift stores or left on

play08:14

the street like where I live in Berkeley

play08:16

that's customary like even in fancy

play08:18

neighborhoods when people have something

play08:20

that still has you use they put it out

play08:21

on the street and so yesterday or the

play08:23

day before I was taking a walk and

play08:25

somebody had put out a bunch of they put

play08:27

out like a plastic thing with different

play08:29

silverware there must have been 30

play08:30

knives 30 Forks like the whole thing and

play08:33

actually a year ago we were really short

play08:35

we we have a lot of like big potlucks

play08:37

and things and we were short on having

play08:39

enough silverware and so I bought some I

play08:42

got some at like Costco it was cheap we

play08:44

have abundant silverware but it's like

play08:46

this leftover feeling like we don't have

play08:48

enough I picked it up off the street and

play08:50

I'm holding it because I have adult sons

play08:52

right I'm like well maybe you know maybe

play08:54

as they go out on their own they're

play08:55

gonna need silverware I don't know but

play08:58

my husband's like you did it again you

play09:00

did it again

play09:01

I grew up very poor and we often didn't

play09:04

have enough and it's really hard for me

play09:06

to walk past stuff that's on the street

play09:07

being given away for free without

play09:09

thinking I don't need this right now but

play09:11

I could and what if I did and I should

play09:14

have this now and then it becomes

play09:15

clutter and so you know I'm lucky that I

play09:18

have this giant garage that I can put

play09:20

stuff that I don't really use in but

play09:22

every year or six months I have to go in

play09:24

there and start like putting stuff back

play09:26

out on the street and it's almost like a

play09:28

funny thing in my family it's a tendency

play09:30

I have that's definitely a legacy of

play09:32

some Trauma from when I was little so

play09:34

it's actually like a healthy nice

play09:37

feeling for me when I gather up stuff

play09:39

and I do put it back out on the street

play09:41

like it makes me feel good that somebody

play09:43

else is going to use it it always gets

play09:45

taken Again by some some of their poor

play09:47

sap who has this thing that I have like

play09:49

I don't know I might need a hundred

play09:51

pieces of silverware in the future

play09:54

or it can also be nice to donate stuff

play09:57

you can donate it like to Goodwill and

play09:59

if the stuff is decent you know you get

play10:02

to add up the math with fair market

play10:04

value and that's a tax deduction if you

play10:06

itemize your taxes

play10:08

so one thing that holds people up is the

play10:11

feeling that these things could be sold

play10:13

so you know we have some broken bikes in

play10:16

the garage and we think oh well we

play10:18

should sell them you know if we fixed

play10:20

them up they would be worth X and it

play10:21

would cost this much to fix them and

play10:23

nobody ever fixes them that's what it is

play10:25

so if you are in a situation where you

play10:28

have the power to sell things I mean I

play10:30

know people with really bustling

play10:31

businesses on Craigslist or Ebay you

play10:35

know selling things and maybe they go

play10:37

around and they actually like collect

play10:39

stuff productively and sell them and

play10:41

make some money that way well that's

play10:42

lovely

play10:43

if you're not somebody who has the level

play10:46

of organization and power to do that it

play10:48

would be better to give away the broken

play10:50

bike or to donate it and so a rule of

play10:53

thumb is like it just depends on how

play10:55

much money you have but let's say that

play10:57

you could replace something for twenty

play10:58

dollars and you're not using it right

play11:00

now go ahead and give it away because if

play11:02

you can replace it for twenty dollars

play11:04

you know if you have a little more money

play11:05

you could put the line at like fifty

play11:07

dollars if you could replace this thing

play11:09

for fifty dollars but you're not using

play11:11

it right now go ahead so a bike is more

play11:13

than that right a used bike is I don't

play11:15

know 500 or something that's a lot of

play11:17

money and but so then it's time to use a

play11:21

productivity method to write down some

play11:22

things you're actually going to deal

play11:24

with and give yourself a timeline you go

play11:26

I'm going to get this bike repaired and

play11:28

the bike repair costs whatever sixty

play11:29

dollars and then you put it on

play11:30

Craigslist and sell it for whatever a

play11:33

few hundred dollars and then you have

play11:34

the money and that's that's satisfying

play11:37

and I would like everybody to have that

play11:38

money everybody's happy you know

play11:40

somebody has a bike and the bike is

play11:41

fixed and everything's going really well

play11:43

but it's just like realistically can you

play11:45

do that so another Arrangement you can

play11:48

do is to partner up with somebody who is

play11:50

willing to help you and you split the

play11:52

proceeds from these Endeavors and

play11:54

sometimes people who you know they're

play11:55

looking for a little extra work they

play11:57

would be happy to do this with you but

play11:59

you still have to put the effort out to

play12:01

make that arrangement with them so I'm

play12:02

just saying sometimes the best way to

play12:04

get rid of the Clutter is to give it

play12:06

away it's still going to be valued by

play12:08

somebody it's still going to be useful

play12:09

in the world it's just that you're not

play12:11

going to have the cash all right so

play12:12

another thing is your cupboard full of

play12:14

cans and containers of things that have

play12:17

been sitting there for more than a year

play12:19

so cans do last a while I understand I

play12:23

was hungry a lot when I was growing up

play12:24

we had times when we really did have

play12:26

nothing to eat and so it's just been

play12:29

this tendency that started when I first

play12:30

started having my own money in my own

play12:32

place to live I would way over buy food

play12:35

and it was stuff I was never going to

play12:37

eat but I just need I loved the feeling

play12:39

of cupboards that were completely full

play12:41

and had stacks of things like that gave

play12:43

me the this feeling of peace and

play12:45

security but the fact of the matter is

play12:47

right now

play12:48

I don't need to have all that food in

play12:50

the cupboard because I have some money

play12:52

in savings and I could go buy it at the

play12:55

store at any time now if Hard Times be

play12:57

fill me like at the beginning of

play12:59

lockdown when we all thought oh my gosh

play13:01

there's going to be these food shortages

play13:02

we're all going to starve you know we

play13:04

were thinking we're like well we live

play13:05

near a creek we'll have water and then I

play13:08

bought like cases and cases of tuna and

play13:10

chicken and green beans and corn and all

play13:12

this stuff that

play13:14

um you know we've barely made a dent in

play13:16

three years later and it's time for me

play13:19

to give some of it to the food pantry

play13:20

because it's good food and people will

play13:22

be glad to have it but we just need to

play13:23

distribute it where it's actually needed

play13:25

and going to get eaten even cans have

play13:28

their sort of sell by dates right so

play13:30

that's something I'm actually really

play13:31

looking forward to and I'll have more

play13:33

shelf space and even if the shelves

play13:35

sipped empty that's fine I personally

play13:38

because I get so disregulated by visual

play13:40

clutter like seeing a shelf that has a

play13:43

little space between items it's actually

play13:45

very re-regulating for me and stimulates

play13:47

my I'm imagination and my sense of being

play13:49

productive it does do you have that do

play13:52

you have cars that don't work God forbid

play13:55

are they on the front yard well I grew

play13:58

up like that and I was really

play14:00

embarrassed and ashamed about it and it

play14:02

was just you know my parents were going

play14:04

through a lot they did not have power to

play14:06

deal with it but yes there was a broken

play14:08

car in the front yard for years there

play14:10

was a wall between the living room and

play14:12

the garage that had been broken through

play14:14

these bricks with a big Jagged hole in

play14:16

it that was also there for years and

play14:18

that we used that for a doorway turn the

play14:19

garage into a bedroom

play14:20

but as a teenager it took me a while to

play14:23

understand what was going on in my

play14:24

family was alcoholism alcoholism just

play14:27

sucks away all that

play14:28

tidying energy and this clutter was

play14:31

everywhere in the house there were thick

play14:32

layers of dust there was rotten food and

play14:35

it made me really ashamed for people to

play14:37

come home

play14:38

and so my husband had a car that didn't

play14:41

work he went ahead and bought another

play14:43

one thinking he'd sell the old one and

play14:45

then two years passed or more eventually

play14:47

he sold the car so good news he

play14:50

eventually sold the car but it got

play14:51

covered with leaves the neighbors began

play14:53

to complain the city came and was

play14:55

putting tags on the car and it was

play14:57

really this huge source of old shame

play14:59

well there was like no I think I think

play15:01

some of it was legitimate present day

play15:03

shame but this old childhood thing about

play15:04

being like the most screwed up family on

play15:06

the Block and the neighbors themselves

play15:08

were complaining it was um yeah it was

play15:11

it was beyond even my standards and that

play15:14

level of clutter to me

play15:17

uh just it made it feel like we you know

play15:20

it we also were counting on having the

play15:21

money from that car and we had a plan

play15:23

for that money and we couldn't go

play15:24

forward with the plan for the money

play15:25

because we didn't have the money because

play15:27

we had this car we kept paying

play15:29

registration on it and that kind of

play15:30

thing was very demoralizing to me

play15:33

a lot of my healing from complex PTSD

play15:36

has to do with getting

play15:39

um competency and Mastery over managing

play15:42

life in these areas that were not

play15:43

totally together when I was a kid like I

play15:46

always have car insurance I always see

play15:49

the dentist every six months even when I

play15:51

was a single mom and it had to go on my

play15:53

third credit card I took my kids to the

play15:54

dentist all the time when I was a kid I

play15:57

had very rotten teeth

play15:58

and finally a relative stepped in and

play16:00

paid for me to have like huge amounts of

play16:03

dental work when I was like eight I had

play16:04

to have like four crowns by the time I

play16:06

was eight because nobody was brushing my

play16:08

teeth you know and um so that's a thing

play16:11

that's always helped me feel like life

play16:13

is okay life is together now a car is a

play16:16

great example of something that's hard

play16:18

you know sometimes decluttering has this

play16:20

series of steps and when you have cptsd

play16:23

and you're having trouble holding your

play16:24

focus and a task involves a whole series

play16:27

of steps right that can be very hard for

play16:30

a person with cptsd and this is where

play16:33

having a white board or a digital online

play16:36

like I use this thing called kanban flow

play16:39

I'm always telling people k-a-n-b-a-n

play16:41

and I make a list that I look at every

play16:43

day multiple times and I delete things

play16:46

that I complete or move them into a done

play16:48

column but you can create a little task

play16:50

and then click and drag it to these

play16:51

different columns and name them what you

play16:53

want you can color code them and so the

play16:56

steps involved with selling a car right

play16:57

you have to get it like hailed and super

play17:00

clean and then you have to make sure it

play17:02

runs and that the tires are full and you

play17:05

have to know where the keys are for all

play17:07

of this and once it's not always you

play17:09

know if you're very cluttered knowing

play17:10

where the keys are is a problem and if

play17:12

you don't have keys you have to get the

play17:14

keys made you have to have the paperwork

play17:16

and the title ready to sign over so all

play17:18

of that can be so daunting and

play17:20

overwhelming that you can never do it I

play17:21

know exactly why we get cluttered and

play17:24

why cptsd is correlated with this like

play17:26

it's just too much if there's a lot if

play17:29

you're very disregulated so this is

play17:31

another case of sometimes the easy way

play17:33

out is to donate and obviously if your

play17:36

car has great value you know you still

play17:38

want the money but my family's done this

play17:41

before when we had a car that was kind

play17:42

of a clunker and we couldn't deal with

play17:44

all the steps we donated it and they

play17:47

just come and take it and they take it

play17:48

even if you don't have the paperwork

play17:50

even if it doesn't run you know there's

play17:52

somebody who wants that car and that's

play17:54

really helpful to a person like me who

play17:56

can get overwhelmed and everything gets

play17:58

stuck and I can't plan anything unless I

play18:01

solve the problems right in front of my

play18:03

face toiletries

play18:06

let's talk about toiletries so a few

play18:08

months ago

play18:09

I bought some good makeup I've talked

play18:12

about that here before it was such a big

play18:13

deal in my life finally I've got like

play18:15

really good makeup I'm wearing it now

play18:17

how do you like it right but I used to

play18:19

have just like the very cheapest stuff

play18:21

from Walgreens like I was putting stuff

play18:23

on my eyes that wouldn't even stay on my

play18:25

eyes and it was five dollars and little

play18:26

splinters were getting in my eyes and it

play18:29

probably caused this cancer I don't know

play18:30

it's what I had and it's what I was used

play18:32

to and it comes from growing up poor but

play18:34

I'm at a point in my life where having

play18:36

the makeup be together and look nice and

play18:38

kind of stay on my eyes and not go

play18:40

running down is important to me so I

play18:43

hired an expert

play18:45

um and her name is Maria Riley she's a

play18:48

makeup artist and I had hired her for

play18:50

professional video shoots that I used to

play18:52

run before but I hired her just for me

play18:55

and she came and helped me and she

play18:57

showed me you know she told me what to

play18:59

buy and what makeup to get and she

play19:01

taught me how to apply the makeup and it

play19:04

was this really great day it was kind of

play19:05

stressful and I've it just was a lot to

play19:07

learn for me I never really knew I like

play19:10

I I airbrush my face with Foundation

play19:14

yeah right it's so I didn't even know

play19:17

you could Airbrush Foundation onto your

play19:18

face but it just looks better and I

play19:20

don't know it looks great so so I have a

play19:23

little airbrush and I have these little

play19:24

pods and you know I have to maintain it

play19:27

all I have to wash my brushes and it's

play19:28

this whole thing but when Maria was

play19:30

sitting with me showing me this she goes

play19:32

well she said first you know get out

play19:33

everything that you have right now

play19:35

and so I showed her all my makeup and

play19:37

she was so cool and non-judgmental about

play19:39

my crappy old stuff she's like this nail

play19:41

polish like I can't open it I'm like oh

play19:43

yeah I bought that like in 1999 uh to

play19:47

put my kids initial on his toothbrush

play19:50

you know it's a long time ago you know

play19:53

and it doesn't open anymore and um she

play19:55

said okay well you could anything that's

play19:57

like old and not usable anymore you can

play19:58

just throw out there was some stuff that

play20:01

was old and you could still use it but

play20:03

now I had a new better version of it but

play20:05

it was halfway used makeup and I was

play20:07

like what can we do with this can we

play20:08

give it to somebody she was like no

play20:09

that's you can't give old makeup to

play20:11

people throw it out and so you know this

play20:14

part of me that's so Thrifty I can't

play20:16

stand throwing things out I got used to

play20:18

it it's like I I have better stuff now

play20:21

I don't need this anymore I'm truly not

play20:23

going to use it anymore and nobody else

play20:24

wants my 15 year old bronzer or and they

play20:29

definitely don't want my two-year-old

play20:30

mascara that's kind of dried out you

play20:33

know they don't want it it's unsanitary

play20:35

and it goes you just throw it out so

play20:37

that was kind of freeing for me and

play20:40

I noticed that a little bit of hoarding

play20:43

style was there that it that I had an

play20:45

emotional attachment like this was the

play20:47

make like makeup from 20 years ago like

play20:49

I was young back then I had little

play20:50

babies I was I was a new mom and by

play20:54

throwing out the stuff that belonged to

play20:56

me at that time and likewise with the

play20:57

pants I'm never going to fit into again

play20:59

you know

play21:01

it just was this idea of a time that I

play21:03

could go back to and I had to get it

play21:05

into my mind that it's okay it's okay to

play21:09

get rid of the belongings of that time

play21:10

because the way that we can revisit

play21:13

those times is looking at pictures

play21:14

having memories or really just living in

play21:17

the present and having a good time now

play21:19

there's so many ways you know for

play21:21

example that I'm more like a young

play21:23

person in my life now and that I'm

play21:25

lighter-hearted I feel more

play21:26

free-spirited I can have fun at a party

play21:28

I don't sit there just like sour feeling

play21:30

like everybody hates me like I'm kind of

play21:33

younger than I've ever been so so it's

play21:36

okay you know not to have the belongings

play21:38

anymore and I'm telling the pants from

play21:40

like 1999 and the big bell bottoms and

play21:42

stuff I don't even want them anymore and

play21:45

I can't button them so

play21:47

so it's all good so those I donated and

play21:51

you know God help the people who

play21:52

actually want to wear those old pants

play21:54

but maybe they do and I just trust that

play21:56

Goodwill will sort it all out and they

play21:58

whatever should be recycled as fabric

play22:00

they they're going to take care of it

play22:02

and I can stop grieving it or anything

play22:04

but it's out of my closet you know

play22:06

whether it's sentimentality or fear of

play22:09

that you'll be in lack in the future or

play22:11

feeling done with it but not having the

play22:14

inner power to you know just make the

play22:16

time and put it on your schedule and do

play22:18

it

play22:19

power is what you need whatever whatever

play22:21

the step that you need to take is the

play22:23

thing that's going to propel you into

play22:24

that step is inner power so I'm going to

play22:27

talk about how to get that inner power

play22:28

within this video but I just want to

play22:30

cover clutter a little more so let's go

play22:33

over the other dimensions of clutter

play22:34

that hold you back and keep you from

play22:35

feeling open to life and ready for good

play22:38

things to come in all right one of them

play22:41

is mental clutter one thing I can say

play22:44

from my own experience of childhood PTSD

play22:47

is the stuff that I'm holding in my mind

play22:49

can get very crowded and I'm sure

play22:52

there's some sort of problem with trauma

play22:54

that makes thoughts and ideas you know

play22:56

harder to sort and remember and process

play22:58

in a good way you know to move them

play23:01

along

play23:01

and that clutter of the Mind there it

play23:05

makes it hard to focus it makes it hard

play23:07

to prioritize things appropriately and

play23:10

it makes it hard for me to notice that I

play23:12

have choices when I'm feeling

play23:13

overwhelmed like the world gets very it

play23:15

gets very small like I I'm just like I'm

play23:17

so overwhelmed I'm so overwhelmed

play23:19

there's nothing I can do and then I

play23:21

bring that dysregulation down and I the

play23:22

choices open back up again

play23:24

so I Rely heavily on to-do lists timers

play23:29

and calendars so that I can predict when

play23:32

I'm clear-headed what I need to be doing

play23:34

each day and then write down a plan now

play23:37

I know not everybody is a planner I am a

play23:40

planner plans help me get stuff out of

play23:42

my mind I know if I write it down I

play23:44

don't have to keep reminding myself

play23:45

don't forget don't forget drop the rent

play23:47

drop the rent

play23:48

now I don't always stick to my plan in

play23:50

fact I almost never stick entirely to my

play23:52

plan because my plans are a little too

play23:54

ambitious but I don't have to waste time

play23:56

throughout the day trying to figure out

play23:58

what I need to do next I've already put

play24:00

them in ranked order priority of what

play24:02

I'm going to do and I declutter my mind

play24:04

twice a day by doing my daily practice

play24:07

techniques which helps me move you know

play24:09

fearful resentful thoughts out of my

play24:11

mind and onto paper so that I have more

play24:13

of my mind available to actually like

play24:15

think and envision things and do things

play24:19

and there's a link to my daily practice

play24:21

course down in the description section

play24:23

of this video and all my videos if you

play24:24

want to try it it's free anybody can try

play24:27

it and that's one way to find out if it

play24:29

helps you too to clear your mind is give

play24:31

it a try

play24:32

okay then there's emotional clutter and

play24:35

mostly by this I mean old beliefs and

play24:37

resentments that once were true that

play24:40

you've been telling yourself and telling

play24:41

other people way past the expiration

play24:44

date like did a boyfriend in high school

play24:46

make out with your best friend well that

play24:48

happened to me I only found out about it

play24:50

from the friend when I was an adult and

play24:52

I had a good hard cry about it for 10

play24:54

minutes and I was really sad

play24:57

and and then for about four months I

play24:59

couldn't let it go I just couldn't let

play25:01

it go

play25:02

I was really resentful eventually the

play25:05

friendship with the friend fell apart

play25:06

not because of this directly but I think

play25:09

that when the truth of the relationship

play25:10

came out I don't know it just didn't

play25:12

hold we've been friends a long time

play25:15

but what she did I did think a little

play25:17

less of her even though it was so so

play25:19

long ago I mean it was literally back in

play25:22

the 70s

play25:23

and

play25:24

um and we did drift apart but now I just

play25:28

because of my daily practice the

play25:30

emotions about it are just like they're

play25:32

not there there's I have no tears about

play25:33

it at all like I remember it

play25:36

it's a fact but I'm not carrying this

play25:38

emotional clutter this resentment at her

play25:40

or this victimization like oh it could

play25:43

have been so great with this boyfriend

play25:44

if she hadn't come along I have no

play25:46

Illusions about that it's

play25:49

sometimes the hurtful things that happen

play25:52

are an indicator of the instability and

play25:55

ungodness of the things in your life the

play25:58

relationships in your life and so we get

play26:01

emotionally cluttered sometimes when we

play26:02

hold on with that sort of Shoulda Coulda

play26:04

Woulda thinking or um you know they

play26:07

really I you know they owe me and

play26:09

apologize I can't I apology I can't let

play26:12

this go until they apologize so we're

play26:14

sort of freezing stuff in Amber

play26:16

emotionally and it becomes an identity

play26:19

right

play26:20

and this was these are some of the

play26:22

phases I've had to go through sometimes

play26:24

in healing like it was really healing

play26:25

for me at a certain point to go you know

play26:27

what I am I'm an adult child of an

play26:29

alcoholic and that was like my whole

play26:31

thing for a while

play26:32

and gradually I did a lot of healing

play26:34

around that and this the things that go

play26:36

with that and I also noticed that

play26:39

there's stuff going on with me that's a

play26:41

problem

play26:43

that has nothing to do with that

play26:45

and to solve those problems it helped me

play26:48

to free up and start going I'm a person

play26:50

who has a lot of things I've had some

play26:51

hard things I've had some advantages

play26:54

um I I will always be an adult child of

play26:56

an alcoholic but that is so not my

play26:58

primary identity anymore I'm a person

play27:00

with complex PTSD but I'm always telling

play27:03

people your your trauma is an injury but

play27:07

it's not an identity it's not what you

play27:09

are and so carrying all this stuff like

play27:11

this terrible stuff happened I can never

play27:13

change there are a few problems in life

play27:15

that actually can't be changed

play27:18

right and one example I use is

play27:21

um losing a limb you cannot get another

play27:23

limb but you can get a work around you

play27:25

can often get a prosthetic that will

play27:27

help you do many things and your life

play27:30

can continue to Blossom anyway and so

play27:33

that's that is an uncluttered approach

play27:36

to dealing with life's hardship is not

play27:38

to carry it around forever like it's

play27:40

always going to take some time to deal

play27:41

with the grief and sadness and

play27:43

disappointment and anger of of what has

play27:46

happened but soon with healthy healing

play27:49

it gets moved down the conveyor belt

play27:51

down into the past space opens up again

play27:53

for new experiences new relationships

play27:56

and yes new heartaches new ones life

play28:00

goes on emotional clutter also comes in

play28:03

the form of seeking out social media

play28:05

people you're obsessed with or seeking

play28:08

out news about things that make you

play28:10

angry like anger is the drug like being

play28:14

different than better than disagreeing

play28:16

with hateful towards

play28:18

some other kind of person and that's a

play28:21

drug and that is clutter outrage is

play28:23

total emotional clutter if the news you

play28:26

read isn't helping you be informed so

play28:28

that you can be more useful it's clutter

play28:31

all right it's it's emotional clutter

play28:32

and it's probably making you sick and

play28:35

it's probably getting passed on to other

play28:36

people and making their world difficult

play28:38

I really urge you to pay attention and

play28:41

prioritize what is useful so just like

play28:44

you would go through a drawer and keep

play28:46

the genes that you still wear and get

play28:47

rid of the ones that you're never going

play28:49

to wear

play28:50

when you're consuming media what is the

play28:52

stuff that's actually useful to you like

play28:54

necessary for your job or truly

play28:56

entertaining and uplifting for you great

play28:59

I'm all for people being informed but we

play29:02

are so far beyond like being informed

play29:05

anymore with the level of information

play29:07

that is designed to agitate us and

play29:10

clutter us up emotionally and the

play29:12

consequence of that is a lot of division

play29:14

and isolation and trust me as a

play29:16

traumatized person you don't need extra

play29:19

of that

play29:20

so if your media consumption is causing

play29:24

you to feel separate from people if it's

play29:26

causing you to feel turned against or

play29:28

victimized by people in a way that you

play29:30

didn't used to then it's clutter if it's

play29:33

helping you recognize a problem that you

play29:36

can solve or that you need to address

play29:38

it's useful that's basically the formula

play29:41

now finally emotional clutter can be the

play29:44

sad stories that that we tell ourselves

play29:46

about stuff like you know I was the

play29:49

black sheep in my family and now I can

play29:51

never feel like I belong or I was

play29:53

rejected by my mom and I just can't have

play29:55

relationships those are things that I've

play29:58

believed about myself before and

play30:00

thankfully I got those out of the

play30:02

cupboard I got those out of the cupboard

play30:04

and I made space for a new idea and a

play30:06

new experience to come in

play30:08

and I get this a lot in um in the

play30:11

letters people write to me and somebody

play30:12

was writing in you know I spent years

play30:14

waiting for this girlfriend to get done

play30:15

with school and then she didn't she

play30:18

didn't want me anymore and they felt

play30:19

wrong for all those years and it had

play30:22

been years and years since it had

play30:23

happened and then now they could never

play30:25

have an education and I'm just going to

play30:26

say yeah no that sucks but

play30:29

there was nothing stopping you from

play30:31

doing whatever you wanted to do with

play30:34

your life while you were in that

play30:35

relationship or now and there there are

play30:38

certain relationships that stop you that

play30:39

do stop people abusive relationships

play30:42

course of ones being trapped in terrible

play30:44

poverty being incarcerated these are

play30:46

some reasons why people legitimately get

play30:48

stuck but a lot of times this is learned

play30:50

helplessness we're like the little bird

play30:52

in a cage the door's open but we never

play30:53

think to fly out

play30:55

those stories you tell yourself this

play30:57

cage I can never get out

play30:59

they need to be questioned you need to

play31:01

ask yourself is that true is that true

play31:03

is there another way what would happen

play31:04

if I walked out of the cage and the

play31:07

circumstances of your life I know it's

play31:08

going to include some things that are

play31:10

hard and some things that are easy some

play31:12

things that are probably never going to

play31:13

be solved in some things that are just

play31:15

one second away just one little decision

play31:17

away and some things that are so massive

play31:19

that you don't really have control over

play31:21

them but you start with the thing that

play31:23

you can do you start with the thing

play31:25

right in front of you

play31:27

people with cptsd get overwhelmed and

play31:30

overwhelm is this feeling like I see a

play31:32

hundred things to do where do I even

play31:33

start you just start with the thing in

play31:35

front of you one thing that you can try

play31:37

right now is just take a fast do a day

play31:39

where you don't talk about a certain

play31:41

problem anymore you might even take a

play31:43

fast from thinking about it it's you

play31:45

know you can't totally control your

play31:46

thoughts but when you notice you're

play31:48

thinking it again divert your thoughts

play31:49

to something else just for a day just to

play31:52

teach yourself about that space that you

play31:54

actually do have within you where you're

play31:56

not consumed by this problem that

play31:58

happened this this limitation that was

play32:01

put on you at one time and just see if

play32:03

you don't if there isn't like a little

play32:04

door in that cage There's real life

play32:07

possibilities in front of you right now

play32:09

and to see them you might need to move

play32:11

past those hurts and let them recede

play32:14

into the past and I I keep promising you

play32:16

this I will talk about how to do that

play32:18

okay but I want to talk about a couple

play32:20

more kinds of clutter relationship

play32:22

clutter and I'm talking about all kinds

play32:24

of relationships friends co-workers

play32:26

family people in in the Romantic

play32:28

category if you have cptsd chances are

play32:32

you have a shortage of people with whom

play32:34

you feel safe and good and seen and

play32:36

heard who get you and you have an

play32:38

abundance of people you don't like you

play32:40

don't want to deal with but you're

play32:42

forced to see them either because they

play32:44

live in the same building as you or you

play32:46

feel obligated or they work where you

play32:48

work or it's you have you carry this

play32:51

thing like I don't know it's probably

play32:52

just me I should keep putting up with

play32:54

this person who really makes me feel

play32:56

terrible because it's probably just me

play32:58

that's a trauma thing so relationship

play33:00

decluttering means you make space in

play33:03

your life to enjoy people with whom you

play33:05

have Affinity you like them you feel

play33:07

good you inspire each other or you have

play33:09

a common purpose like you're working or

play33:11

raising children together and you do

play33:13

this by gently removing people who don't

play33:16

really belong in your life anymore

play33:18

it's better to have fewer people who are

play33:20

good for you than a whole bunch of

play33:22

people who just make you feel

play33:24

relationship cluttered you don't have to

play33:26

have a great reason for for stepping

play33:28

back from a relationship it helps to

play33:30

have Clarity though and if you need

play33:32

clarity about who those people are my

play33:35

connection boot camp talks about that so

play33:37

you can check that out if you're

play33:38

interested all right finally there's

play33:40

time clutter and I think this one you

play33:42

know what I'm talking about that's where

play33:44

you you take too much on and this is the

play33:46

problem of over functioners who get

play33:48

their need for approval and meaning met

play33:50

by saying yes to things and having

play33:52

accomplishments and having this sense of

play33:54

a very colorful busy calendar

play33:57

these can be good things but if you're

play34:00

not having time

play34:01

for friends or exercise or learning or

play34:04

adequate sleep or healing your trauma

play34:06

then your time is too cluttered you need

play34:09

some space in your life that is

play34:11

unscheduled that's unspoken for and it's

play34:14

open for you to decide in the moment how

play34:16

you want to spend that even if it's just

play34:18

sitting there staring at the wall

play34:19

because it's in those down times that

play34:22

you can really recharge your batteries

play34:24

to get new ideas you can make changes

play34:26

you could do something really big with

play34:28

your life that you couldn't have done

play34:30

when you were chained up to other

play34:32

people's timelines and other people's

play34:33

agendas and that's one of the functions

play34:36

of meditation is to you know to sort of

play34:39

schedule and bring in that quiet time

play34:40

for that new inspiration to come in

play34:43

the thing is when you stop being

play34:45

cluttered all over your life openness

play34:48

does come and so does responsibility and

play34:51

sometimes that urge to clutter up your

play34:52

mind your heart your time your home it's

play34:56

a way to hold life away from you it's

play34:58

covert avoidance is something I call

play35:01

that life is hard sometimes it can be

play35:03

triggering and for that what you really

play35:07

want is boundaries and ability to make

play35:08

decisions and say no but clutter I

play35:11

believe is a low-grade barrier to keep

play35:14

your life manageable I'd actually put

play35:16

debt in that in that column too like

play35:18

getting in debt staying in debt it's a

play35:20

way to hold life back I see I have no

play35:22

choices see I have to stay stuck where I

play35:24

am because actually thinking about my

play35:26

next step is stressful

play35:28

triggering but that's not a good way to

play35:30

accomplish you know self-care and to

play35:33

treat that feeling of being overwhelmed

play35:35

and triggered all the way the side

play35:37

effects of that it's isolation it's it's

play35:39

getting Frozen in Amber instead of

play35:41

growing and it's getting isolated and

play35:44

making everything in the end

play35:47

unmanageable it gets more stressful not

play35:50

less stressful when you shut life out so

play35:52

even if you don't know what your next

play35:54

step is yet consider just opening up

play35:58

something better in your life

play36:01

because there's greatness in you and it

play36:04

needs room to breathe and grow beyond

play36:06

the trauma beyond what was done to you

play36:08

in the past and one way that you can

play36:11

begin to step into that good energy of

play36:14

change and growth is by decluttering you

play36:18

can start where you are with just one

play36:20

closet or one thing on your calendar

play36:21

that needs to be taken off by ending a

play36:24

friendship that no longer serves you or

play36:26

by letting go of an old Grudge that you

play36:28

held against someone that really is not

play36:30

going to change anything whether you

play36:31

have The Grudge or not when you make

play36:33

space in your life some old

play36:35

trauma-driven feelings and thoughts are

play36:37

definitely going to surface

play36:39

and so to keep your decluttering steady

play36:42

and sustained and not fall back into it

play36:44

or start piling things up again in every

play36:46

sense of the word you'll need tools to

play36:48

help you face and release the friction

play36:50

that arises the feelings that used to

play36:52

get stuffed down by by your inability to

play36:56

take action you know push it down you

play36:58

know keep avoiding

play36:59

so if you want to open up to this and be

play37:02

able to process those feelings that come

play37:03

up one thing I recommend to you is to

play37:05

try my daily practice techniques they

play37:07

are free it's a it's an online course

play37:10

that you can complete well you can learn

play37:12

the techniques in less than an hour and

play37:14

there's a whole bunch of FAQ videos to

play37:16

learn the fine points and the link to

play37:18

that free course is right here and I

play37:20

will see you very soon

play37:22

[Music]

play37:31

thank you

play37:33

[Music]

Rate This
β˜…
β˜…
β˜…
β˜…
β˜…

5.0 / 5 (0 votes)

Related Tags
Trauma RecoveryClutter ManagementMental HealthEmotional HealingDecluttering TechniquesAnxiety ReliefDepression SymptomsADHD ManagementNeurological ImpactPTSD StrategiesSelf-Help