Heal Chaos and Overwhelm: DECLUTTER Every Part of Your Life

Summary

The video script delves into the complex relationship between clutter and mental health, challenging the notion that clutter is solely a cause of issues like anxiety and depression. It presents a hypothesis that clutter might be a symptom of trauma, not the cause, and discusses how trauma can lead to compulsive behaviors and difficulty in managing one's environment. The speaker shares personal experiences and offers practical advice on decluttering as a form of healing and self-regulation. The script touches on various types of clutter—physical, mental, emotional, relationship, and time—and emphasizes the importance of creating space for growth and new experiences. It concludes with a recommendation for a daily practice technique to help manage the emotional challenges that arise during the decluttering process.

Takeaways

• 🧐 Clutter is associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, social isolation, and ADHD-like symptoms, but it may not be the direct cause of these issues.
• 💭 The speaker proposes that clutter could be a symptom of trauma, not the cause, and that trauma affects neurological and behavioral patterns, leading to compulsive behaviors like cluttering.
• 🌟 Cluttering behavior is compared to an amplified version of normal nesting behavior, which is a natural instinct that can be distorted by trauma into an overwhelming and unproductive pattern.
• 🔄 The act of decluttering can be a powerful re-regulation exercise that can improve mood and focus, with benefits extending to better organization and potentially improved financial management.
• 🚫 Hoarding is distinguished from cluttering, with the former involving a lack of power and potential distortions in thinking about the importance of items.
• 💪 Starting to heal trauma doesn't always require addressing the root cause; starting with any symptoms where one feels empowered to take action can be effective.
• 🧹 Physical clutter refers to unnecessary belongings that create a chaotic environment and make it difficult to find needed items, which can be addressed by sorting and storing items properly.
• 🛍️ The tendency to hold onto items out of fear of future need or due to a history of scarcity can lead to clutter, but recognizing the current abundance can facilitate letting go of unneeded items.
• 👕 Dealing with sentimental items or clothes that no longer fit can involve donating or discarding them, which can be a form of emotional release and a step towards healing.
• 🚗 Physical clutter can also extend to items like non-functional cars, which can be a source of shame and represent unresolved issues from the past.
• 🗓️ Time clutter involves overcommitting to activities and not leaving enough unscheduled time for rest, creativity, or addressing personal needs, which can lead to burnout and decreased productivity.

Q & A

What is the relationship between clutter and mental health issues as discussed in the transcript?

The transcript suggests that clutter is associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, social isolation, and ADHD-like symptoms. However, it challenges the notion that clutter is the direct cause of these issues, proposing instead that clutter might be a symptom of trauma alongside other mental health problems.

How does trauma affect a person's behavior and what is the hypothesis regarding clutter in this context?

Trauma affects people neurologically, impacting their brain, physiology, feelings, and behavior patterns. The hypothesis presented is that clutter is a trauma-driven behavior, potentially a compulsive response to stress or a manifestation of immobilization and unproductiveness caused by trauma.

What is the concept of 'nesting behavior' as it relates to cluttering?

Nesting behavior refers to the natural and normal instinct to set up one's home space to be comfortable, warm, and orderly. Cluttering is proposed as a trauma-driven, amplified version of nesting behavior, where the instinct to create a comfortable space becomes excessive and leads to accumulation of unnecessary items.

Why might decluttering be a challenge for individuals with trauma?

Decluttering can be difficult for individuals with trauma because it requires inner power and motivation, which trauma can diminish. The process of decluttering can also bring up feelings of overwhelm and dysregulation, making it hard to take action and organize or clean up one's space.

What are some practical steps suggested for dealing with physical clutter?

The transcript suggests starting with small, manageable tasks like cleaning out old vegetables in the fridge or organizing papers. It also recommends donating, selling, or disposing of items that are no longer needed or used, and using productivity methods to tackle larger tasks like repairing and selling a broken bike.

How does the concept of 'inner power' play a role in the ability to declutter?

Inner power is described as the motivation and ability to take action. It is suggested that individuals need to find and activate this inner power to overcome feelings of overwhelm and to effectively declutter their spaces. This power also helps in managing emotions, focusing the mind, and feeling more open to new experiences.

What is the connection between childhood trauma and clutter?

The transcript suggests that individuals who have experienced childhood trauma often struggle with clutter not just in their physical spaces but also in their minds and relationships. This clutter can manifest as excessive thoughts, emotional reactions, and unnecessary relationships that hinder their ability to heal and move forward.

What are the different types of clutter mentioned in the transcript?

The transcript discusses physical clutter (belongings), mental clutter (thoughts and ideas), emotional clutter (feelings and beliefs), relationship clutter (unhealthy relationships), and time clutter (overbooking and lack of prioritization).

How does the speaker suggest dealing with emotional clutter?

The speaker suggests recognizing and letting go of old resentments, beliefs, and stories that no longer serve the individual. This includes addressing unhealthy social media habits, seeking out useful and uplifting information, and challenging self-limiting beliefs.

What is the significance of addressing relationship clutter?

Addressing relationship clutter involves removing people from one's life who do not contribute positively, making space for those who inspire and support the individual. This process is important for creating an environment conducive to healing and personal growth.

Why is time clutter a concern and how can it be managed?

Time clutter is a concern because it leads to overcommitment and a lack of time for self-care, healing, and personal development. It can be managed by learning to say no, setting boundaries, and creating unscheduled time for relaxation, reflection, and inspiration.

What is the 'daily practice techniques' course mentioned in the transcript and how can it help with decluttering?

The 'daily practice techniques' is a free online course that teaches methods to help individuals process and release emotional friction and trauma-driven feelings. It can assist in maintaining a steady and sustained decluttering process by providing tools to handle the emotional challenges that arise during decluttering.

Outlines

00:00

🔄 Reassessing the Impact of Clutter

This section challenges the conventional belief that clutter directly causes mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Instead, it proposes that both clutter and these symptoms could be manifestations of underlying trauma. The speaker suggests that trauma leads to compulsive behaviors and neurologic changes, which may manifest as clutter. This 'cluttering behavior' is seen as an exaggerated form of nesting, driven by trauma, pushing natural instincts to an unhealthy extreme. The concept is introduced that addressing any symptom, including clutter, could be a starting point in the healing process.

05:00

📦 Expanding the Definition of Clutter

Clutter is further defined in various forms beyond physical items, extending into emotional, mental, and relational aspects. Emotional clutter includes misplaced and prolonged emotions, mental clutter pertains to disorganized thoughts, and relational clutter refers to the presence of unnecessary or harmful relationships. Time clutter, another form, involves poor prioritization leading to an overwhelming schedule. The discussion includes how handling these forms of clutter can improve symptoms of childhood PTSD and bring peace and order into one's life.

10:03

🛠 Practical Approaches to Decluttering

This segment delves into practical methods for decluttering, emphasizing the emotional and financial aspects of letting go of unused items. It explores scenarios such as selling items, like bicycles, and the psychological barriers to disposing of them. The narrative covers the difficulty in parting with items accumulated due to past scarcities, such as food, and suggests donating as a viable solution. The segment concludes with an encouragement to prioritize decluttering as a step towards personal empowerment and better mental health.

15:03

🧼 Overcoming Emotional Hoarding

Here, the focus shifts to the emotional and psychological implications of hoarding, particularly related to makeup and clothing. The speaker reflects on her journey of letting go of old, sentimental items that no longer serve her, illustrating how decluttering can also be a metaphor for moving on from past identities and traumas. This section touches on the therapeutic benefits of eliminating what no longer serves us, suggesting that decluttering our physical space can lead to mental clarity and emotional release.

20:06

🧠 Tackling Mental and Emotional Clutter

The discussion centers on the challenges of mental and emotional clutter, which includes harboring outdated beliefs and resentments that cloud judgment and emotional well-being. The speaker highlights the importance of recognizing and releasing these burdens as essential steps in healing from trauma. Techniques like daily practice for mental decluttering, prioritization, and use of tools like to-do lists and calendars are emphasized as strategies to manage and overcome the overwhelming influx of thoughts and emotions.

25:07

🌱 Cultivating a Clutter-Free Environment

This segment explores the broader implications of clutter in relationships and time management, suggesting that decluttering can lead to a healthier, more focused life. It encourages a proactive approach to reducing relational and schedule clutter, thereby fostering environments that promote safety, comfort, and productivity. The narrative also touches on the benefits of meditation and quiet time for introspection and recovery, advocating for a balanced life that allows for personal growth and healing.

30:09

🔗 Breaking Free from Emotional and Practical Clutter

The final section reinforces the idea that clutter, in all its forms, acts as a barrier to life's opportunities and stresses the importance of decluttering as a transformative process. The speaker encourages tackling clutter not just physically but also mentally and emotionally, suggesting that clearing space can lead to new possibilities and a fuller, more engaged life. The conclusion emphasizes the need for tools to handle the emotions and challenges that arise from decluttering, offering resources like online courses to assist in the process.

Keywords

💡Clutter

Clutter refers to the state of having an excessive amount of disorganized or superfluous items in one's living or working space. In the video, it is discussed as a potential symptom of trauma, rather than a direct cause of issues like anxiety and depression. The speaker uses personal examples, such as holding onto old clothes or silverware, to illustrate how clutter can accumulate and impact one's mental and emotional state.

💡Trauma

Trauma is defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that may have long-lasting emotional effects. The video suggests that clutter is a symptom of trauma, affecting one's neurology and leading to compulsive behaviors. The speaker's hypothesis is that trauma causes a range of symptoms, including clutter, depression, and anxiety, rather than clutter causing these issues.

💡Neurological Dysregulation

Neurological dysregulation occurs when there is an imbalance in the nervous system's normal functioning, which can manifest in various emotional or behavioral changes. The video connects this concept to the impact of trauma, suggesting that it can lead to cluttering behavior as the brain's way of expressing the stress and disorganization caused by trauma.

💡Nesting Behavior

Nesting behavior is a natural instinct to prepare one's living space for comfort and safety. The video posits that cluttering is a trauma-driven distortion of this normal behavior. It is described as an amplified version of nesting that leads to an overwhelming accumulation of items, rather than an organized and functional space.

💡Hoarding

Hoarding is characterized by an excessive collection of items and an inability to discard them, which can lead to significant distress or impairment. The video distinguishes hoarding from clutter, with the latter being a more manageable issue that the speaker is addressing. Hoarding is mentioned as a separate, more challenging issue that involves not just a lack of power but also a distortion in thinking about the importance of items.

💡Emotional Clutter

Emotional clutter refers to the accumulation of old feelings, beliefs, and resentments that can weigh a person down and prevent emotional growth. In the video, the speaker discusses how letting go of these emotions can create space for new experiences and a lighter emotional state. An example given is the process of releasing resentment from past relationships.

💡Mental Clutter

Mental clutter describes the state of having a mind filled with excessive thoughts, worries, or unresolved issues. The video emphasizes the importance of using tools like to-do lists and calendars to organize thoughts and create mental space. The speaker shares personal strategies for decluttering the mind, such as daily practices that help process and release negative thoughts.

💡Relationship Clutter

Relationship clutter involves having too many relationships that do not serve one's well-being, taking up emotional and time resources that could be better used elsewhere. The video suggests that by identifying and letting go of relationships that no longer serve a positive purpose, individuals can make space for more meaningful and supportive connections.

💡Time Clutter

Time clutter is the over-scheduling of one's time with activities, leading to a lack of free time for self-care, reflection, and personal growth. The video argues that unscheduled time is necessary for recharging and allowing new ideas to emerge. The speaker encourages viewers to clear their calendars of non-essential commitments to create space for healing and growth.

💡Inner Power

Inner power, as discussed in the video, is the personal strength and motivation needed to take action and make changes in one's life. It is portrayed as a crucial element for overcoming the inertia caused by trauma and clutter. The speaker shares that recognizing and harnessing one's inner power is key to initiating the decluttering process and maintaining it.

💡Decluttering

Decluttering is the process of removing unnecessary items or elements from one's life to create a more organized, manageable, and peaceful environment. The video emphasizes decluttering as a powerful exercise for self-regulation with benefits that extend beyond the physical organization of space. It is presented as a means to improve mood, focus, and overall well-being.

Highlights

Studies suggest a correlation between home clutter and increased rates of anxiety, depression, social isolation, and ADHD-like symptoms.

Contrary to assumptions, clutter may not be the direct cause of these issues but rather a symptom of underlying trauma.

Trauma can affect people neurologically, influencing behavior patterns, feelings, and potentially leading to compulsive hoarding.

Cluttering behavior is proposed as a trauma-driven version of the natural nesting instinct, amplified to a point of dysfunction.

Decluttering can be a powerful exercise for re-regulation, with benefits extending to improved focus and mood.

Healing from trauma may not always require addressing the root cause first; starting with symptoms where one feels empowered can be effective.

Hoarding is distinguished from cluttering, with the former involving a lack of power and potential distortions in thinking.

Physical clutter, such as unused belongings, can cause visual chaos and hinder the ability to find necessary items.

Mental clutter, including excessive thoughts and stress, can impede focus and the ability to make decisions.

Emotional clutter can arise from unresolved feelings and reactions that are no longer relevant or beneficial.

Relationship clutter involves maintaining connections with people who no longer serve a positive purpose in one's life.

Time clutter is characterized by overcommitment and a lack of unscheduled time for self-care and personal growth.

Decluttering physical spaces can lead to a sense of peace and possibility, which can enhance inner power.

The act of giving away or donating items can be a healthy way to let go of clutter and contribute to the well-being of others.

Decluttering can be a gradual process, starting with small steps and building up to more significant changes over time.

Inner power is a key component in overcoming clutter, and it can be developed and accessed through various techniques and practices.

Daily practice techniques are recommended for managing and releasing emotional friction that arises during the decluttering process.

The ultimate goal of decluttering is to create space for growth, healing, and the entry of positive experiences into one's life.

Transcripts

studies show that people with a lot of

clutter around their homes have a higher

than average rate of anxiety depression

social isolation and ADHD like symptoms

but here's what bugs me about these

studies they assume that all these

symptoms are caused by clutter and

therefore if you clean up the Clutter

you won't be depressed and stuck anymore

you'll be happier more focused more

connected to other people and honestly

there's some truth to this but that

doesn't mean that clutter is the main

cause of those problems I'm going to put

a bold hypothesis out here and that's

that clutter is just one more symptom of

trauma alongside depression anxiety

isolation and so on but it's not the

direct cause of those symptoms now we

know that trauma affects people

neurologically and that means your brain

your physiology your feelings and your

behavior patterns now trauma can make

people compulsive it can fill your

thinking with stressful thoughts it can

make you feel immobilized and

unproductive

it does something to your neurology that

is quite often expressed as cluttering

behaviors accumulating stuff that you

don't need and piling it up around your

living space or working space

intending to get organized at some point

in the future but not having the inner

power to do that

and I think cluttering behavior is a

trauma-driven version of Something

normal and natural that we call nesting

behavior and nesting that's setting up

your home space making it comfortable

and warm and orderly and well stocked

which is a good and natural instinct

but like all good instincts trauma can

push this one over the line into

something over the top and that's what

cluttering is that good Instinct at an

amplified level that makes it not good

that is caused by and causes a feeling

of overwhelm and inability to get

organized or to take action by cleaning

up your stuff

so you have too much food and some of it

is rotting or too many jackets or giant

stacks of papers you've been meaning to

go through or you can't find your

toolbox because you left it lying around

and then other stuff got piled up on top

of it that kind of thing so that's what

I mean when I say I have my own

hypothesis and it kind of goes against

the research because while researchers

assume that the symptoms that go along

with clutter are the cause of clutter I

believe that clutter is more like a

fellow symptom trauma causes all of them

depression anxiety lack of mental focus

and clutter does that feel true to you

well wherever it comes from I think

these symptoms interact with each other

and that's why when you're healing

trauma I don't believe that you have to

always start with the root cause of the

trauma you can start anywhere in your

symptoms where you feel enough inner

power to take some action so are you

ready to throw out the old vegetables in

the fridge and clean out those icky

drawers that's a great place to start Do

you have a a couple of hours available

to organize all your unsorted papers

into separate stacks of you know trash

file and do something about that's also

a great idea and you know what both of

those actions would almost certainly

lift your mood and improve your ability

to focus

decluttering is a powerful re-regulation

exercise with very good fringe benefits

of like your bills get paid but in my

experience you're always going to need

to be healing your dysregulation

symptoms to even find that inner power

to do any decluttering at all because

that's the problem right you know you

should declutter but you have a lack of

power to do it not doing it makes all

the other problems in your life a little

worse now hoarding is like a separate

thing and it's harder to change and I'm

not really talking about that here today

but in that one it's it's uh not only is

there a lack of power but there can also

be a distortion in the thinking that it

needs to be done it just seems like know

everything as it is is terribly

important so I'm distinguishing clutter

is like no you agree it's a problem I

wish I didn't have all this stuff piled

up I can't find my keys so you agree

it's a problem it's a lack of power

so getting that inner power moving and

accessing it that's how you're going to

be able to declutter and with that power

moving activated in you you'll also find

that your your emotions get lighter your

mind is more focused you feel calmer and

you feel more open to new experiences

and letting people into your life I mean

have you ever had that it kind of goes

together

clutter is a huge problem for a lot of

people who had childhood trauma

and it's not just the physical space and

belongings that could be called clutter

right people with cptsd also experience

mental clutter too much on your mind all

in a jumble can't focus or read

situations because it's like a you know

the bag of cats in there and then

there's emotional clutter where your

feelings are popping up everywhere some

of them from so long ago you didn't even

know where they're coming from but you

have a debilitating reaction to them

that's totally getting in your way and

there's also relationship clutter where

the people are in your life they're a

mix of people who are good to have in

your life and people who maybe should

not be in your life anymore and finally

there's time clutter where you're

overbooked you're not prioritizing

you're getting swept away in things that

feel urgent and ignoring things that are

actually important and I'm going to talk

about all of these because they're all

common with childhood PTSD and they can

all improve when you have the power to

change even one of them

when you learn to detect and heal

neurological dysregulation that's caused

by trauma this in turn causes so many

other trauma symptoms

including the ones that trigger your

tendency to stay cluttered whether it's

your calendar your file cabinet you know

the floor of your car whatever having

space and order I mean doesn't that

sound good when you can practice

noticing your neurological dysregulation

which is a common trauma symptom and

learning to master re-regulation the

Clutter of all kinds starts to settle

down and there's a wonderful appealing

feeling of peace and possibility that

can come into your life and that's

another source where that well where

your inner power comes from it begins to

fill up because there's peace there's

visual space around you and there's time

so let's start with physical clutter I'm

talking about belongings just strewn

around your physical space in your house

in your yard in your car in the place

where you work and it's visually chaotic

it's full of things that you don't

actually use or need and that makes it

hard to find what you do need like do

you keep huge boxes or racks of multiple

sizes of clothes in case you lose weight

or gain weight even though the clothes

that don't fit now are old and out of

style and do the clothes that fit you

right now have a good place to live in a

closet with enough hangers or enough

drawer space where clothes are clean and

ready to wear right am I nailing you

about something this multiple sizes of

clothes is totally a thing with people

who struggle with their weight

that you never really know like what

size you know sometimes it'll come down

for a while it goes back up and that's

one of the beautiful things when order

comes into your life around food you

know and it's it can be a long time

coming it goes this is the thing that

goes along with trauma quite a lot like

sort of clutter of the food clutter of

of what you choose to eat and what you

have available to yourself but then that

has this effect on clothes and it can

mean lots of boxes and cramming in

closets and then a weird like whole like

segments of your closet that are sort of

Shame portions clothes you can't get

into and what you can do with clothes

that don't fit right now is you can put

them away it's okay to put them away but

put them in a way in a you know a stored

fashion and not just piled up everywhere

and trying to figure it out and every

time you try something that's the wrong

size you feel bad about yourself like

why do that to yourself do you pick

things up at thrift stores or left on

the street like where I live in Berkeley

that's customary like even in fancy

neighborhoods when people have something

that still has you use they put it out

on the street and so yesterday or the

day before I was taking a walk and

somebody had put out a bunch of they put

out like a plastic thing with different

silverware there must have been 30

knives 30 Forks like the whole thing and

actually a year ago we were really short

we we have a lot of like big potlucks

and things and we were short on having

enough silverware and so I bought some I

got some at like Costco it was cheap we

have abundant silverware but it's like

this leftover feeling like we don't have

enough I picked it up off the street and

I'm holding it because I have adult sons

right I'm like well maybe you know maybe

as they go out on their own they're

gonna need silverware I don't know but

my husband's like you did it again you

did it again

I grew up very poor and we often didn't

have enough and it's really hard for me

to walk past stuff that's on the street

being given away for free without

thinking I don't need this right now but

I could and what if I did and I should

have this now and then it becomes

clutter and so you know I'm lucky that I

have this giant garage that I can put

stuff that I don't really use in but

every year or six months I have to go in

there and start like putting stuff back

out on the street and it's almost like a

funny thing in my family it's a tendency

I have that's definitely a legacy of

some Trauma from when I was little so

it's actually like a healthy nice

feeling for me when I gather up stuff

and I do put it back out on the street

like it makes me feel good that somebody

else is going to use it it always gets

taken Again by some some of their poor

sap who has this thing that I have like

I don't know I might need a hundred

pieces of silverware in the future

or it can also be nice to donate stuff

you can donate it like to Goodwill and

if the stuff is decent you know you get

to add up the math with fair market

value and that's a tax deduction if you

itemize your taxes

so one thing that holds people up is the

feeling that these things could be sold

so you know we have some broken bikes in

the garage and we think oh well we

should sell them you know if we fixed

them up they would be worth X and it

would cost this much to fix them and

nobody ever fixes them that's what it is

so if you are in a situation where you

have the power to sell things I mean I

know people with really bustling

businesses on Craigslist or Ebay you

know selling things and maybe they go

around and they actually like collect

stuff productively and sell them and

make some money that way well that's

lovely

if you're not somebody who has the level

of organization and power to do that it

would be better to give away the broken

bike or to donate it and so a rule of

thumb is like it just depends on how

much money you have but let's say that

you could replace something for twenty

dollars and you're not using it right

now go ahead and give it away because if

you can replace it for twenty dollars

you know if you have a little more money

you could put the line at like fifty

dollars if you could replace this thing

for fifty dollars but you're not using

it right now go ahead so a bike is more

than that right a used bike is I don't

know 500 or something that's a lot of

money and but so then it's time to use a

productivity method to write down some

things you're actually going to deal

with and give yourself a timeline you go

I'm going to get this bike repaired and

the bike repair costs whatever sixty

dollars and then you put it on

Craigslist and sell it for whatever a

few hundred dollars and then you have

the money and that's that's satisfying

and I would like everybody to have that

money everybody's happy you know

somebody has a bike and the bike is

fixed and everything's going really well

but it's just like realistically can you

do that so another Arrangement you can

do is to partner up with somebody who is

willing to help you and you split the

proceeds from these Endeavors and

sometimes people who you know they're

looking for a little extra work they

would be happy to do this with you but

you still have to put the effort out to

make that arrangement with them so I'm

just saying sometimes the best way to

get rid of the Clutter is to give it

away it's still going to be valued by

somebody it's still going to be useful

in the world it's just that you're not

going to have the cash all right so

another thing is your cupboard full of

cans and containers of things that have

been sitting there for more than a year

so cans do last a while I understand I

was hungry a lot when I was growing up

we had times when we really did have

nothing to eat and so it's just been

this tendency that started when I first

started having my own money in my own

place to live I would way over buy food

and it was stuff I was never going to

eat but I just need I loved the feeling

of cupboards that were completely full

and had stacks of things like that gave

me the this feeling of peace and

security but the fact of the matter is

right now

I don't need to have all that food in

the cupboard because I have some money

in savings and I could go buy it at the

store at any time now if Hard Times be

fill me like at the beginning of

lockdown when we all thought oh my gosh

there's going to be these food shortages

we're all going to starve you know we

were thinking we're like well we live

near a creek we'll have water and then I

bought like cases and cases of tuna and

chicken and green beans and corn and all

this stuff that

um you know we've barely made a dent in

three years later and it's time for me

to give some of it to the food pantry

because it's good food and people will

be glad to have it but we just need to

distribute it where it's actually needed

and going to get eaten even cans have

their sort of sell by dates right so

that's something I'm actually really

looking forward to and I'll have more

shelf space and even if the shelves

sipped empty that's fine I personally

because I get so disregulated by visual

clutter like seeing a shelf that has a

little space between items it's actually

very re-regulating for me and stimulates

my I'm imagination and my sense of being

productive it does do you have that do

you have cars that don't work God forbid

are they on the front yard well I grew

up like that and I was really

embarrassed and ashamed about it and it

was just you know my parents were going

through a lot they did not have power to

deal with it but yes there was a broken

car in the front yard for years there

was a wall between the living room and

the garage that had been broken through

these bricks with a big Jagged hole in

it that was also there for years and

that we used that for a doorway turn the

garage into a bedroom

but as a teenager it took me a while to

understand what was going on in my

family was alcoholism alcoholism just

sucks away all that

tidying energy and this clutter was

everywhere in the house there were thick

layers of dust there was rotten food and

it made me really ashamed for people to

come home

and so my husband had a car that didn't

work he went ahead and bought another

one thinking he'd sell the old one and

then two years passed or more eventually

he sold the car so good news he

eventually sold the car but it got

covered with leaves the neighbors began

to complain the city came and was

putting tags on the car and it was

really this huge source of old shame

well there was like no I think I think

some of it was legitimate present day

shame but this old childhood thing about

being like the most screwed up family on

the Block and the neighbors themselves

were complaining it was um yeah it was

it was beyond even my standards and that

level of clutter to me

uh just it made it feel like we you know

it we also were counting on having the

money from that car and we had a plan

for that money and we couldn't go

forward with the plan for the money

because we didn't have the money because

we had this car we kept paying

registration on it and that kind of

thing was very demoralizing to me

a lot of my healing from complex PTSD

has to do with getting

um competency and Mastery over managing

life in these areas that were not

totally together when I was a kid like I

always have car insurance I always see

the dentist every six months even when I

was a single mom and it had to go on my

third credit card I took my kids to the

dentist all the time when I was a kid I

had very rotten teeth

and finally a relative stepped in and

paid for me to have like huge amounts of

dental work when I was like eight I had

to have like four crowns by the time I

was eight because nobody was brushing my

teeth you know and um so that's a thing

that's always helped me feel like life

is okay life is together now a car is a

great example of something that's hard

you know sometimes decluttering has this

series of steps and when you have cptsd

and you're having trouble holding your

focus and a task involves a whole series

of steps right that can be very hard for

a person with cptsd and this is where

having a white board or a digital online

like I use this thing called kanban flow

I'm always telling people k-a-n-b-a-n

and I make a list that I look at every

day multiple times and I delete things

that I complete or move them into a done

column but you can create a little task

and then click and drag it to these

different columns and name them what you

want you can color code them and so the

steps involved with selling a car right

you have to get it like hailed and super

clean and then you have to make sure it

runs and that the tires are full and you

have to know where the keys are for all

of this and once it's not always you

know if you're very cluttered knowing

where the keys are is a problem and if

you don't have keys you have to get the

keys made you have to have the paperwork

and the title ready to sign over so all

of that can be so daunting and

overwhelming that you can never do it I

know exactly why we get cluttered and

why cptsd is correlated with this like

it's just too much if there's a lot if

you're very disregulated so this is

another case of sometimes the easy way

out is to donate and obviously if your

car has great value you know you still

want the money but my family's done this

before when we had a car that was kind

of a clunker and we couldn't deal with

all the steps we donated it and they

just come and take it and they take it

even if you don't have the paperwork

even if it doesn't run you know there's

somebody who wants that car and that's

really helpful to a person like me who

can get overwhelmed and everything gets

stuck and I can't plan anything unless I

solve the problems right in front of my

face toiletries

let's talk about toiletries so a few

months ago

I bought some good makeup I've talked

about that here before it was such a big

deal in my life finally I've got like

really good makeup I'm wearing it now

how do you like it right but I used to

have just like the very cheapest stuff

from Walgreens like I was putting stuff

on my eyes that wouldn't even stay on my

eyes and it was five dollars and little

splinters were getting in my eyes and it

probably caused this cancer I don't know

it's what I had and it's what I was used

to and it comes from growing up poor but

I'm at a point in my life where having

the makeup be together and look nice and

kind of stay on my eyes and not go

running down is important to me so I

hired an expert

um and her name is Maria Riley she's a

makeup artist and I had hired her for

professional video shoots that I used to

run before but I hired her just for me

and she came and helped me and she

showed me you know she told me what to

buy and what makeup to get and she

taught me how to apply the makeup and it

was this really great day it was kind of

stressful and I've it just was a lot to

learn for me I never really knew I like

I I airbrush my face with Foundation

yeah right it's so I didn't even know

you could Airbrush Foundation onto your

face but it just looks better and I

don't know it looks great so so I have a

little airbrush and I have these little

pods and you know I have to maintain it

all I have to wash my brushes and it's

this whole thing but when Maria was

sitting with me showing me this she goes

well she said first you know get out

everything that you have right now

and so I showed her all my makeup and

she was so cool and non-judgmental about

my crappy old stuff she's like this nail

polish like I can't open it I'm like oh

yeah I bought that like in 1999 uh to

put my kids initial on his toothbrush

you know it's a long time ago you know

and it doesn't open anymore and um she

said okay well you could anything that's

like old and not usable anymore you can

just throw out there was some stuff that

was old and you could still use it but

now I had a new better version of it but

it was halfway used makeup and I was

like what can we do with this can we

give it to somebody she was like no

that's you can't give old makeup to

people throw it out and so you know this

part of me that's so Thrifty I can't

stand throwing things out I got used to

it it's like I I have better stuff now

I don't need this anymore I'm truly not

going to use it anymore and nobody else

wants my 15 year old bronzer or and they

definitely don't want my two-year-old

mascara that's kind of dried out you

know they don't want it it's unsanitary

and it goes you just throw it out so

that was kind of freeing for me and

I noticed that a little bit of hoarding

style was there that it that I had an

emotional attachment like this was the

make like makeup from 20 years ago like

I was young back then I had little

babies I was I was a new mom and by

throwing out the stuff that belonged to

me at that time and likewise with the

pants I'm never going to fit into again

you know

it just was this idea of a time that I

could go back to and I had to get it

into my mind that it's okay it's okay to

get rid of the belongings of that time

because the way that we can revisit

those times is looking at pictures

having memories or really just living in

the present and having a good time now

there's so many ways you know for

example that I'm more like a young

person in my life now and that I'm

lighter-hearted I feel more

free-spirited I can have fun at a party

I don't sit there just like sour feeling

like everybody hates me like I'm kind of

younger than I've ever been so so it's

okay you know not to have the belongings

anymore and I'm telling the pants from

like 1999 and the big bell bottoms and

stuff I don't even want them anymore and

I can't button them so

so it's all good so those I donated and

you know God help the people who

actually want to wear those old pants

but maybe they do and I just trust that

Goodwill will sort it all out and they

whatever should be recycled as fabric

they they're going to take care of it

and I can stop grieving it or anything

but it's out of my closet you know

whether it's sentimentality or fear of

that you'll be in lack in the future or

feeling done with it but not having the

inner power to you know just make the

time and put it on your schedule and do

it

power is what you need whatever whatever

the step that you need to take is the

thing that's going to propel you into

that step is inner power so I'm going to

talk about how to get that inner power

within this video but I just want to

cover clutter a little more so let's go

over the other dimensions of clutter

that hold you back and keep you from

feeling open to life and ready for good

things to come in all right one of them

is mental clutter one thing I can say

from my own experience of childhood PTSD

is the stuff that I'm holding in my mind

can get very crowded and I'm sure

there's some sort of problem with trauma

that makes thoughts and ideas you know

harder to sort and remember and process

in a good way you know to move them

along

and that clutter of the Mind there it

makes it hard to focus it makes it hard

to prioritize things appropriately and

it makes it hard for me to notice that I

have choices when I'm feeling

overwhelmed like the world gets very it

gets very small like I I'm just like I'm

so overwhelmed I'm so overwhelmed

there's nothing I can do and then I

bring that dysregulation down and I the

choices open back up again

so I Rely heavily on to-do lists timers

and calendars so that I can predict when

I'm clear-headed what I need to be doing

each day and then write down a plan now

I know not everybody is a planner I am a

planner plans help me get stuff out of

my mind I know if I write it down I

don't have to keep reminding myself

don't forget don't forget drop the rent

drop the rent

now I don't always stick to my plan in

fact I almost never stick entirely to my

plan because my plans are a little too

ambitious but I don't have to waste time

throughout the day trying to figure out

what I need to do next I've already put

them in ranked order priority of what

I'm going to do and I declutter my mind

twice a day by doing my daily practice

techniques which helps me move you know

fearful resentful thoughts out of my

mind and onto paper so that I have more

of my mind available to actually like

think and envision things and do things

and there's a link to my daily practice

course down in the description section

of this video and all my videos if you

want to try it it's free anybody can try

it and that's one way to find out if it

helps you too to clear your mind is give

it a try

okay then there's emotional clutter and

mostly by this I mean old beliefs and

resentments that once were true that

you've been telling yourself and telling

other people way past the expiration

date like did a boyfriend in high school

make out with your best friend well that

happened to me I only found out about it

from the friend when I was an adult and

I had a good hard cry about it for 10

minutes and I was really sad

and and then for about four months I

couldn't let it go I just couldn't let

it go

I was really resentful eventually the

friendship with the friend fell apart

not because of this directly but I think

that when the truth of the relationship

came out I don't know it just didn't

hold we've been friends a long time

but what she did I did think a little

less of her even though it was so so

long ago I mean it was literally back in

the 70s

and

um and we did drift apart but now I just

because of my daily practice the

emotions about it are just like they're

not there there's I have no tears about

it at all like I remember it

it's a fact but I'm not carrying this

emotional clutter this resentment at her

or this victimization like oh it could

have been so great with this boyfriend

if she hadn't come along I have no

Illusions about that it's

sometimes the hurtful things that happen

are an indicator of the instability and

ungodness of the things in your life the

relationships in your life and so we get

emotionally cluttered sometimes when we

hold on with that sort of Shoulda Coulda

Woulda thinking or um you know they

really I you know they owe me and

apologize I can't I apology I can't let

this go until they apologize so we're

sort of freezing stuff in Amber

emotionally and it becomes an identity

right

and this was these are some of the

phases I've had to go through sometimes

in healing like it was really healing

for me at a certain point to go you know

what I am I'm an adult child of an

alcoholic and that was like my whole

thing for a while

and gradually I did a lot of healing

around that and this the things that go

with that and I also noticed that

there's stuff going on with me that's a

problem

that has nothing to do with that

and to solve those problems it helped me

to free up and start going I'm a person

who has a lot of things I've had some

hard things I've had some advantages

um I I will always be an adult child of

an alcoholic but that is so not my

primary identity anymore I'm a person

with complex PTSD but I'm always telling

people your your trauma is an injury but

it's not an identity it's not what you

are and so carrying all this stuff like

this terrible stuff happened I can never

change there are a few problems in life

that actually can't be changed

right and one example I use is

um losing a limb you cannot get another

limb but you can get a work around you

can often get a prosthetic that will

help you do many things and your life

can continue to Blossom anyway and so

that's that is an uncluttered approach

to dealing with life's hardship is not

to carry it around forever like it's

always going to take some time to deal

with the grief and sadness and

disappointment and anger of of what has

happened but soon with healthy healing

it gets moved down the conveyor belt

down into the past space opens up again

for new experiences new relationships

and yes new heartaches new ones life

goes on emotional clutter also comes in

the form of seeking out social media

people you're obsessed with or seeking

out news about things that make you

angry like anger is the drug like being

different than better than disagreeing

with hateful towards

some other kind of person and that's a

drug and that is clutter outrage is

total emotional clutter if the news you

read isn't helping you be informed so

that you can be more useful it's clutter

all right it's it's emotional clutter

and it's probably making you sick and

it's probably getting passed on to other

people and making their world difficult

I really urge you to pay attention and

prioritize what is useful so just like

you would go through a drawer and keep

the genes that you still wear and get

rid of the ones that you're never going

to wear

when you're consuming media what is the

stuff that's actually useful to you like

necessary for your job or truly

entertaining and uplifting for you great

I'm all for people being informed but we

are so far beyond like being informed

anymore with the level of information

that is designed to agitate us and

clutter us up emotionally and the

consequence of that is a lot of division

and isolation and trust me as a

traumatized person you don't need extra

of that

so if your media consumption is causing

you to feel separate from people if it's

causing you to feel turned against or

victimized by people in a way that you

didn't used to then it's clutter if it's

helping you recognize a problem that you

can solve or that you need to address

it's useful that's basically the formula

now finally emotional clutter can be the

sad stories that that we tell ourselves

about stuff like you know I was the

black sheep in my family and now I can

never feel like I belong or I was

rejected by my mom and I just can't have

relationships those are things that I've

believed about myself before and

thankfully I got those out of the

cupboard I got those out of the cupboard

and I made space for a new idea and a

new experience to come in

and I get this a lot in um in the

letters people write to me and somebody

was writing in you know I spent years

waiting for this girlfriend to get done

with school and then she didn't she

didn't want me anymore and they felt

wrong for all those years and it had

been years and years since it had

happened and then now they could never

have an education and I'm just going to

say yeah no that sucks but

there was nothing stopping you from

doing whatever you wanted to do with

your life while you were in that

relationship or now and there there are

certain relationships that stop you that

do stop people abusive relationships

course of ones being trapped in terrible

poverty being incarcerated these are

some reasons why people legitimately get

stuck but a lot of times this is learned

helplessness we're like the little bird

in a cage the door's open but we never

think to fly out

those stories you tell yourself this

cage I can never get out

they need to be questioned you need to

ask yourself is that true is that true

is there another way what would happen

if I walked out of the cage and the

circumstances of your life I know it's

going to include some things that are

hard and some things that are easy some

things that are probably never going to

be solved in some things that are just

one second away just one little decision

away and some things that are so massive

that you don't really have control over

them but you start with the thing that

you can do you start with the thing

right in front of you

people with cptsd get overwhelmed and

overwhelm is this feeling like I see a

hundred things to do where do I even

start you just start with the thing in

front of you one thing that you can try

right now is just take a fast do a day

where you don't talk about a certain

problem anymore you might even take a

fast from thinking about it it's you

know you can't totally control your

thoughts but when you notice you're

thinking it again divert your thoughts

to something else just for a day just to

teach yourself about that space that you

actually do have within you where you're

not consumed by this problem that

happened this this limitation that was

put on you at one time and just see if

you don't if there isn't like a little

door in that cage There's real life

possibilities in front of you right now

and to see them you might need to move

past those hurts and let them recede

into the past and I I keep promising you

this I will talk about how to do that

okay but I want to talk about a couple

more kinds of clutter relationship

clutter and I'm talking about all kinds

of relationships friends co-workers

family people in in the Romantic

category if you have cptsd chances are

you have a shortage of people with whom

you feel safe and good and seen and

heard who get you and you have an

abundance of people you don't like you

don't want to deal with but you're

forced to see them either because they

live in the same building as you or you

feel obligated or they work where you

work or it's you have you carry this

thing like I don't know it's probably

just me I should keep putting up with

this person who really makes me feel

terrible because it's probably just me

that's a trauma thing so relationship

decluttering means you make space in

your life to enjoy people with whom you

have Affinity you like them you feel

good you inspire each other or you have

a common purpose like you're working or

raising children together and you do

this by gently removing people who don't

really belong in your life anymore

it's better to have fewer people who are

good for you than a whole bunch of

people who just make you feel

relationship cluttered you don't have to

have a great reason for for stepping

back from a relationship it helps to

have Clarity though and if you need

clarity about who those people are my

connection boot camp talks about that so

you can check that out if you're

interested all right finally there's

time clutter and I think this one you

know what I'm talking about that's where

you you take too much on and this is the

problem of over functioners who get

their need for approval and meaning met

by saying yes to things and having

accomplishments and having this sense of

a very colorful busy calendar

these can be good things but if you're

not having time

for friends or exercise or learning or

adequate sleep or healing your trauma

then your time is too cluttered you need

some space in your life that is

unscheduled that's unspoken for and it's

open for you to decide in the moment how

you want to spend that even if it's just

sitting there staring at the wall

because it's in those down times that

you can really recharge your batteries

to get new ideas you can make changes

you could do something really big with

your life that you couldn't have done

when you were chained up to other

people's timelines and other people's

agendas and that's one of the functions

of meditation is to you know to sort of

schedule and bring in that quiet time

for that new inspiration to come in

the thing is when you stop being

cluttered all over your life openness

does come and so does responsibility and

sometimes that urge to clutter up your

mind your heart your time your home it's

a way to hold life away from you it's

covert avoidance is something I call

that life is hard sometimes it can be

triggering and for that what you really

want is boundaries and ability to make

decisions and say no but clutter I

believe is a low-grade barrier to keep

your life manageable I'd actually put

debt in that in that column too like

getting in debt staying in debt it's a

way to hold life back I see I have no

choices see I have to stay stuck where I

am because actually thinking about my

next step is stressful

triggering but that's not a good way to

accomplish you know self-care and to

treat that feeling of being overwhelmed

and triggered all the way the side

effects of that it's isolation it's it's

getting Frozen in Amber instead of

growing and it's getting isolated and

making everything in the end

unmanageable it gets more stressful not

less stressful when you shut life out so

even if you don't know what your next

step is yet consider just opening up

something better in your life

because there's greatness in you and it

needs room to breathe and grow beyond

the trauma beyond what was done to you

in the past and one way that you can

begin to step into that good energy of

change and growth is by decluttering you

can start where you are with just one

closet or one thing on your calendar

that needs to be taken off by ending a

friendship that no longer serves you or

by letting go of an old Grudge that you

held against someone that really is not

going to change anything whether you

have The Grudge or not when you make

space in your life some old

trauma-driven feelings and thoughts are

definitely going to surface

and so to keep your decluttering steady

and sustained and not fall back into it

or start piling things up again in every

sense of the word you'll need tools to

help you face and release the friction

that arises the feelings that used to

get stuffed down by by your inability to

take action you know push it down you

know keep avoiding

so if you want to open up to this and be

able to process those feelings that come

up one thing I recommend to you is to

try my daily practice techniques they

are free it's a it's an online course

that you can complete well you can learn

the techniques in less than an hour and

there's a whole bunch of FAQ videos to

learn the fine points and the link to

that free course is right here and I

will see you very soon

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thank you

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