Heal Chaos and Overwhelm: DECLUTTER Every Part of Your Life

Crappy Childhood Fairy
8 May 202337:36

Summary

TLDRThe video script delves into the complex relationship between clutter and mental health, challenging the notion that clutter is solely a cause of issues like anxiety and depression. It presents a hypothesis that clutter might be a symptom of trauma, not the cause, and discusses how trauma can lead to compulsive behaviors and difficulty in managing one's environment. The speaker shares personal experiences and offers practical advice on decluttering as a form of healing and self-regulation. The script touches on various types of clutter—physical, mental, emotional, relationship, and time—and emphasizes the importance of creating space for growth and new experiences. It concludes with a recommendation for a daily practice technique to help manage the emotional challenges that arise during the decluttering process.

Takeaways

  • 🧐 Clutter is associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, social isolation, and ADHD-like symptoms, but it may not be the direct cause of these issues.
  • 💭 The speaker proposes that clutter could be a symptom of trauma, not the cause, and that trauma affects neurological and behavioral patterns, leading to compulsive behaviors like cluttering.
  • 🌟 Cluttering behavior is compared to an amplified version of normal nesting behavior, which is a natural instinct that can be distorted by trauma into an overwhelming and unproductive pattern.
  • 🔄 The act of decluttering can be a powerful re-regulation exercise that can improve mood and focus, with benefits extending to better organization and potentially improved financial management.
  • 🚫 Hoarding is distinguished from cluttering, with the former involving a lack of power and potential distortions in thinking about the importance of items.
  • 💪 Starting to heal trauma doesn't always require addressing the root cause; starting with any symptoms where one feels empowered to take action can be effective.
  • 🧹 Physical clutter refers to unnecessary belongings that create a chaotic environment and make it difficult to find needed items, which can be addressed by sorting and storing items properly.
  • 🛍️ The tendency to hold onto items out of fear of future need or due to a history of scarcity can lead to clutter, but recognizing the current abundance can facilitate letting go of unneeded items.
  • 👕 Dealing with sentimental items or clothes that no longer fit can involve donating or discarding them, which can be a form of emotional release and a step towards healing.
  • 🚗 Physical clutter can also extend to items like non-functional cars, which can be a source of shame and represent unresolved issues from the past.
  • 🗓️ Time clutter involves overcommitting to activities and not leaving enough unscheduled time for rest, creativity, or addressing personal needs, which can lead to burnout and decreased productivity.

Q & A

  • What is the relationship between clutter and mental health issues as discussed in the transcript?

    -The transcript suggests that clutter is associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, social isolation, and ADHD-like symptoms. However, it challenges the notion that clutter is the direct cause of these issues, proposing instead that clutter might be a symptom of trauma alongside other mental health problems.

  • How does trauma affect a person's behavior and what is the hypothesis regarding clutter in this context?

    -Trauma affects people neurologically, impacting their brain, physiology, feelings, and behavior patterns. The hypothesis presented is that clutter is a trauma-driven behavior, potentially a compulsive response to stress or a manifestation of immobilization and unproductiveness caused by trauma.

  • What is the concept of 'nesting behavior' as it relates to cluttering?

    -Nesting behavior refers to the natural and normal instinct to set up one's home space to be comfortable, warm, and orderly. Cluttering is proposed as a trauma-driven, amplified version of nesting behavior, where the instinct to create a comfortable space becomes excessive and leads to accumulation of unnecessary items.

  • Why might decluttering be a challenge for individuals with trauma?

    -Decluttering can be difficult for individuals with trauma because it requires inner power and motivation, which trauma can diminish. The process of decluttering can also bring up feelings of overwhelm and dysregulation, making it hard to take action and organize or clean up one's space.

  • What are some practical steps suggested for dealing with physical clutter?

    -The transcript suggests starting with small, manageable tasks like cleaning out old vegetables in the fridge or organizing papers. It also recommends donating, selling, or disposing of items that are no longer needed or used, and using productivity methods to tackle larger tasks like repairing and selling a broken bike.

  • How does the concept of 'inner power' play a role in the ability to declutter?

    -Inner power is described as the motivation and ability to take action. It is suggested that individuals need to find and activate this inner power to overcome feelings of overwhelm and to effectively declutter their spaces. This power also helps in managing emotions, focusing the mind, and feeling more open to new experiences.

  • What is the connection between childhood trauma and clutter?

    -The transcript suggests that individuals who have experienced childhood trauma often struggle with clutter not just in their physical spaces but also in their minds and relationships. This clutter can manifest as excessive thoughts, emotional reactions, and unnecessary relationships that hinder their ability to heal and move forward.

  • What are the different types of clutter mentioned in the transcript?

    -The transcript discusses physical clutter (belongings), mental clutter (thoughts and ideas), emotional clutter (feelings and beliefs), relationship clutter (unhealthy relationships), and time clutter (overbooking and lack of prioritization).

  • How does the speaker suggest dealing with emotional clutter?

    -The speaker suggests recognizing and letting go of old resentments, beliefs, and stories that no longer serve the individual. This includes addressing unhealthy social media habits, seeking out useful and uplifting information, and challenging self-limiting beliefs.

  • What is the significance of addressing relationship clutter?

    -Addressing relationship clutter involves removing people from one's life who do not contribute positively, making space for those who inspire and support the individual. This process is important for creating an environment conducive to healing and personal growth.

  • Why is time clutter a concern and how can it be managed?

    -Time clutter is a concern because it leads to overcommitment and a lack of time for self-care, healing, and personal development. It can be managed by learning to say no, setting boundaries, and creating unscheduled time for relaxation, reflection, and inspiration.

  • What is the 'daily practice techniques' course mentioned in the transcript and how can it help with decluttering?

    -The 'daily practice techniques' is a free online course that teaches methods to help individuals process and release emotional friction and trauma-driven feelings. It can assist in maintaining a steady and sustained decluttering process by providing tools to handle the emotional challenges that arise during decluttering.

Outlines

00:00

🔄 Reassessing the Impact of Clutter

This section challenges the conventional belief that clutter directly causes mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Instead, it proposes that both clutter and these symptoms could be manifestations of underlying trauma. The speaker suggests that trauma leads to compulsive behaviors and neurologic changes, which may manifest as clutter. This 'cluttering behavior' is seen as an exaggerated form of nesting, driven by trauma, pushing natural instincts to an unhealthy extreme. The concept is introduced that addressing any symptom, including clutter, could be a starting point in the healing process.

05:00

📦 Expanding the Definition of Clutter

Clutter is further defined in various forms beyond physical items, extending into emotional, mental, and relational aspects. Emotional clutter includes misplaced and prolonged emotions, mental clutter pertains to disorganized thoughts, and relational clutter refers to the presence of unnecessary or harmful relationships. Time clutter, another form, involves poor prioritization leading to an overwhelming schedule. The discussion includes how handling these forms of clutter can improve symptoms of childhood PTSD and bring peace and order into one's life.

10:03

🛠 Practical Approaches to Decluttering

This segment delves into practical methods for decluttering, emphasizing the emotional and financial aspects of letting go of unused items. It explores scenarios such as selling items, like bicycles, and the psychological barriers to disposing of them. The narrative covers the difficulty in parting with items accumulated due to past scarcities, such as food, and suggests donating as a viable solution. The segment concludes with an encouragement to prioritize decluttering as a step towards personal empowerment and better mental health.

15:03

🧼 Overcoming Emotional Hoarding

Here, the focus shifts to the emotional and psychological implications of hoarding, particularly related to makeup and clothing. The speaker reflects on her journey of letting go of old, sentimental items that no longer serve her, illustrating how decluttering can also be a metaphor for moving on from past identities and traumas. This section touches on the therapeutic benefits of eliminating what no longer serves us, suggesting that decluttering our physical space can lead to mental clarity and emotional release.

20:06

🧠 Tackling Mental and Emotional Clutter

The discussion centers on the challenges of mental and emotional clutter, which includes harboring outdated beliefs and resentments that cloud judgment and emotional well-being. The speaker highlights the importance of recognizing and releasing these burdens as essential steps in healing from trauma. Techniques like daily practice for mental decluttering, prioritization, and use of tools like to-do lists and calendars are emphasized as strategies to manage and overcome the overwhelming influx of thoughts and emotions.

25:07

🌱 Cultivating a Clutter-Free Environment

This segment explores the broader implications of clutter in relationships and time management, suggesting that decluttering can lead to a healthier, more focused life. It encourages a proactive approach to reducing relational and schedule clutter, thereby fostering environments that promote safety, comfort, and productivity. The narrative also touches on the benefits of meditation and quiet time for introspection and recovery, advocating for a balanced life that allows for personal growth and healing.

30:09

🔗 Breaking Free from Emotional and Practical Clutter

The final section reinforces the idea that clutter, in all its forms, acts as a barrier to life's opportunities and stresses the importance of decluttering as a transformative process. The speaker encourages tackling clutter not just physically but also mentally and emotionally, suggesting that clearing space can lead to new possibilities and a fuller, more engaged life. The conclusion emphasizes the need for tools to handle the emotions and challenges that arise from decluttering, offering resources like online courses to assist in the process.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Clutter

Clutter refers to the state of having an excessive amount of disorganized or superfluous items in one's living or working space. In the video, it is discussed as a potential symptom of trauma, rather than a direct cause of issues like anxiety and depression. The speaker uses personal examples, such as holding onto old clothes or silverware, to illustrate how clutter can accumulate and impact one's mental and emotional state.

💡Trauma

Trauma is defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that may have long-lasting emotional effects. The video suggests that clutter is a symptom of trauma, affecting one's neurology and leading to compulsive behaviors. The speaker's hypothesis is that trauma causes a range of symptoms, including clutter, depression, and anxiety, rather than clutter causing these issues.

💡Neurological Dysregulation

Neurological dysregulation occurs when there is an imbalance in the nervous system's normal functioning, which can manifest in various emotional or behavioral changes. The video connects this concept to the impact of trauma, suggesting that it can lead to cluttering behavior as the brain's way of expressing the stress and disorganization caused by trauma.

💡Nesting Behavior

Nesting behavior is a natural instinct to prepare one's living space for comfort and safety. The video posits that cluttering is a trauma-driven distortion of this normal behavior. It is described as an amplified version of nesting that leads to an overwhelming accumulation of items, rather than an organized and functional space.

💡Hoarding

Hoarding is characterized by an excessive collection of items and an inability to discard them, which can lead to significant distress or impairment. The video distinguishes hoarding from clutter, with the latter being a more manageable issue that the speaker is addressing. Hoarding is mentioned as a separate, more challenging issue that involves not just a lack of power but also a distortion in thinking about the importance of items.

💡Emotional Clutter

Emotional clutter refers to the accumulation of old feelings, beliefs, and resentments that can weigh a person down and prevent emotional growth. In the video, the speaker discusses how letting go of these emotions can create space for new experiences and a lighter emotional state. An example given is the process of releasing resentment from past relationships.

💡Mental Clutter

Mental clutter describes the state of having a mind filled with excessive thoughts, worries, or unresolved issues. The video emphasizes the importance of using tools like to-do lists and calendars to organize thoughts and create mental space. The speaker shares personal strategies for decluttering the mind, such as daily practices that help process and release negative thoughts.

💡Relationship Clutter

Relationship clutter involves having too many relationships that do not serve one's well-being, taking up emotional and time resources that could be better used elsewhere. The video suggests that by identifying and letting go of relationships that no longer serve a positive purpose, individuals can make space for more meaningful and supportive connections.

💡Time Clutter

Time clutter is the over-scheduling of one's time with activities, leading to a lack of free time for self-care, reflection, and personal growth. The video argues that unscheduled time is necessary for recharging and allowing new ideas to emerge. The speaker encourages viewers to clear their calendars of non-essential commitments to create space for healing and growth.

💡Inner Power

Inner power, as discussed in the video, is the personal strength and motivation needed to take action and make changes in one's life. It is portrayed as a crucial element for overcoming the inertia caused by trauma and clutter. The speaker shares that recognizing and harnessing one's inner power is key to initiating the decluttering process and maintaining it.

💡Decluttering

Decluttering is the process of removing unnecessary items or elements from one's life to create a more organized, manageable, and peaceful environment. The video emphasizes decluttering as a powerful exercise for self-regulation with benefits that extend beyond the physical organization of space. It is presented as a means to improve mood, focus, and overall well-being.

Highlights

Studies suggest a correlation between home clutter and increased rates of anxiety, depression, social isolation, and ADHD-like symptoms.

Contrary to assumptions, clutter may not be the direct cause of these issues but rather a symptom of underlying trauma.

Trauma can affect people neurologically, influencing behavior patterns, feelings, and potentially leading to compulsive hoarding.

Cluttering behavior is proposed as a trauma-driven version of the natural nesting instinct, amplified to a point of dysfunction.

Decluttering can be a powerful exercise for re-regulation, with benefits extending to improved focus and mood.

Healing from trauma may not always require addressing the root cause first; starting with symptoms where one feels empowered can be effective.

Hoarding is distinguished from cluttering, with the former involving a lack of power and potential distortions in thinking.

Physical clutter, such as unused belongings, can cause visual chaos and hinder the ability to find necessary items.

Mental clutter, including excessive thoughts and stress, can impede focus and the ability to make decisions.

Emotional clutter can arise from unresolved feelings and reactions that are no longer relevant or beneficial.

Relationship clutter involves maintaining connections with people who no longer serve a positive purpose in one's life.

Time clutter is characterized by overcommitment and a lack of unscheduled time for self-care and personal growth.

Decluttering physical spaces can lead to a sense of peace and possibility, which can enhance inner power.

The act of giving away or donating items can be a healthy way to let go of clutter and contribute to the well-being of others.

Decluttering can be a gradual process, starting with small steps and building up to more significant changes over time.

Inner power is a key component in overcoming clutter, and it can be developed and accessed through various techniques and practices.

Daily practice techniques are recommended for managing and releasing emotional friction that arises during the decluttering process.

The ultimate goal of decluttering is to create space for growth, healing, and the entry of positive experiences into one's life.

Transcripts

play00:00

studies show that people with a lot of

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clutter around their homes have a higher

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than average rate of anxiety depression

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social isolation and ADHD like symptoms

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but here's what bugs me about these

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studies they assume that all these

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symptoms are caused by clutter and

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therefore if you clean up the Clutter

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you won't be depressed and stuck anymore

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you'll be happier more focused more

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connected to other people and honestly

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there's some truth to this but that

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doesn't mean that clutter is the main

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cause of those problems I'm going to put

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a bold hypothesis out here and that's

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that clutter is just one more symptom of

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trauma alongside depression anxiety

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isolation and so on but it's not the

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direct cause of those symptoms now we

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know that trauma affects people

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neurologically and that means your brain

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your physiology your feelings and your

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behavior patterns now trauma can make

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people compulsive it can fill your

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thinking with stressful thoughts it can

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make you feel immobilized and

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unproductive

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it does something to your neurology that

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is quite often expressed as cluttering

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behaviors accumulating stuff that you

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don't need and piling it up around your

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living space or working space

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intending to get organized at some point

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in the future but not having the inner

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power to do that

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and I think cluttering behavior is a

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trauma-driven version of Something

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normal and natural that we call nesting

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behavior and nesting that's setting up

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your home space making it comfortable

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and warm and orderly and well stocked

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which is a good and natural instinct

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but like all good instincts trauma can

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push this one over the line into

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something over the top and that's what

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cluttering is that good Instinct at an

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amplified level that makes it not good

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that is caused by and causes a feeling

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of overwhelm and inability to get

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organized or to take action by cleaning

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up your stuff

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so you have too much food and some of it

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is rotting or too many jackets or giant

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stacks of papers you've been meaning to

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go through or you can't find your

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toolbox because you left it lying around

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and then other stuff got piled up on top

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of it that kind of thing so that's what

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I mean when I say I have my own

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hypothesis and it kind of goes against

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the research because while researchers

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assume that the symptoms that go along

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with clutter are the cause of clutter I

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believe that clutter is more like a

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fellow symptom trauma causes all of them

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depression anxiety lack of mental focus

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and clutter does that feel true to you

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well wherever it comes from I think

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these symptoms interact with each other

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and that's why when you're healing

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trauma I don't believe that you have to

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always start with the root cause of the

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trauma you can start anywhere in your

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symptoms where you feel enough inner

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power to take some action so are you

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ready to throw out the old vegetables in

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the fridge and clean out those icky

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drawers that's a great place to start Do

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you have a a couple of hours available

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to organize all your unsorted papers

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into separate stacks of you know trash

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file and do something about that's also

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a great idea and you know what both of

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those actions would almost certainly

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lift your mood and improve your ability

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to focus

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decluttering is a powerful re-regulation

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exercise with very good fringe benefits

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of like your bills get paid but in my

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experience you're always going to need

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to be healing your dysregulation

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symptoms to even find that inner power

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to do any decluttering at all because

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that's the problem right you know you

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should declutter but you have a lack of

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power to do it not doing it makes all

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the other problems in your life a little

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worse now hoarding is like a separate

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thing and it's harder to change and I'm

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not really talking about that here today

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but in that one it's it's uh not only is

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there a lack of power but there can also

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be a distortion in the thinking that it

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needs to be done it just seems like know

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everything as it is is terribly

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important so I'm distinguishing clutter

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is like no you agree it's a problem I

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wish I didn't have all this stuff piled

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up I can't find my keys so you agree

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it's a problem it's a lack of power

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so getting that inner power moving and

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accessing it that's how you're going to

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be able to declutter and with that power

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moving activated in you you'll also find

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that your your emotions get lighter your

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mind is more focused you feel calmer and

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you feel more open to new experiences

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and letting people into your life I mean

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have you ever had that it kind of goes

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together

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clutter is a huge problem for a lot of

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people who had childhood trauma

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and it's not just the physical space and

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belongings that could be called clutter

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right people with cptsd also experience

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mental clutter too much on your mind all

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in a jumble can't focus or read

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situations because it's like a you know

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the bag of cats in there and then

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there's emotional clutter where your

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feelings are popping up everywhere some

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of them from so long ago you didn't even

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know where they're coming from but you

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have a debilitating reaction to them

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that's totally getting in your way and

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there's also relationship clutter where

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the people are in your life they're a

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mix of people who are good to have in

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your life and people who maybe should

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not be in your life anymore and finally

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there's time clutter where you're

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overbooked you're not prioritizing

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you're getting swept away in things that

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feel urgent and ignoring things that are

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actually important and I'm going to talk

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about all of these because they're all

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common with childhood PTSD and they can

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all improve when you have the power to

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change even one of them

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when you learn to detect and heal

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neurological dysregulation that's caused

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by trauma this in turn causes so many

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other trauma symptoms

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including the ones that trigger your

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tendency to stay cluttered whether it's

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your calendar your file cabinet you know

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the floor of your car whatever having

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space and order I mean doesn't that

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sound good when you can practice

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noticing your neurological dysregulation

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which is a common trauma symptom and

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learning to master re-regulation the

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Clutter of all kinds starts to settle

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down and there's a wonderful appealing

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feeling of peace and possibility that

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can come into your life and that's

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another source where that well where

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your inner power comes from it begins to

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fill up because there's peace there's

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visual space around you and there's time

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so let's start with physical clutter I'm

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talking about belongings just strewn

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around your physical space in your house

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in your yard in your car in the place

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where you work and it's visually chaotic

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it's full of things that you don't

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actually use or need and that makes it

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hard to find what you do need like do

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you keep huge boxes or racks of multiple

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sizes of clothes in case you lose weight

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or gain weight even though the clothes

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that don't fit now are old and out of

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style and do the clothes that fit you

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right now have a good place to live in a

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closet with enough hangers or enough

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drawer space where clothes are clean and

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ready to wear right am I nailing you

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about something this multiple sizes of

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clothes is totally a thing with people

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who struggle with their weight

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that you never really know like what

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size you know sometimes it'll come down

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for a while it goes back up and that's

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one of the beautiful things when order

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comes into your life around food you

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know and it's it can be a long time

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coming it goes this is the thing that

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goes along with trauma quite a lot like

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sort of clutter of the food clutter of

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of what you choose to eat and what you

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have available to yourself but then that

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has this effect on clothes and it can

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mean lots of boxes and cramming in

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closets and then a weird like whole like

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segments of your closet that are sort of

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Shame portions clothes you can't get

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into and what you can do with clothes

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that don't fit right now is you can put

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them away it's okay to put them away but

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put them in a way in a you know a stored

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fashion and not just piled up everywhere

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and trying to figure it out and every

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time you try something that's the wrong

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size you feel bad about yourself like

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why do that to yourself do you pick

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things up at thrift stores or left on

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the street like where I live in Berkeley

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that's customary like even in fancy

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neighborhoods when people have something

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that still has you use they put it out

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on the street and so yesterday or the

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day before I was taking a walk and

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somebody had put out a bunch of they put

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out like a plastic thing with different

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silverware there must have been 30

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knives 30 Forks like the whole thing and

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actually a year ago we were really short

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we we have a lot of like big potlucks

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and things and we were short on having

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enough silverware and so I bought some I

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got some at like Costco it was cheap we

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have abundant silverware but it's like

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this leftover feeling like we don't have

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enough I picked it up off the street and

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I'm holding it because I have adult sons

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right I'm like well maybe you know maybe

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as they go out on their own they're

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gonna need silverware I don't know but

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my husband's like you did it again you

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did it again

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I grew up very poor and we often didn't

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have enough and it's really hard for me

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to walk past stuff that's on the street

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being given away for free without

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thinking I don't need this right now but

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I could and what if I did and I should

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have this now and then it becomes

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clutter and so you know I'm lucky that I

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have this giant garage that I can put

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stuff that I don't really use in but

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every year or six months I have to go in

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there and start like putting stuff back

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out on the street and it's almost like a

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funny thing in my family it's a tendency

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I have that's definitely a legacy of

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some Trauma from when I was little so

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it's actually like a healthy nice

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feeling for me when I gather up stuff

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and I do put it back out on the street

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like it makes me feel good that somebody

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else is going to use it it always gets

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taken Again by some some of their poor

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sap who has this thing that I have like

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I don't know I might need a hundred

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pieces of silverware in the future

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or it can also be nice to donate stuff

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you can donate it like to Goodwill and

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if the stuff is decent you know you get

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to add up the math with fair market

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value and that's a tax deduction if you

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itemize your taxes

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so one thing that holds people up is the

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feeling that these things could be sold

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so you know we have some broken bikes in

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the garage and we think oh well we

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should sell them you know if we fixed

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them up they would be worth X and it

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would cost this much to fix them and

play10:23

nobody ever fixes them that's what it is

play10:25

so if you are in a situation where you

play10:28

have the power to sell things I mean I

play10:30

know people with really bustling

play10:31

businesses on Craigslist or Ebay you

play10:35

know selling things and maybe they go

play10:37

around and they actually like collect

play10:39

stuff productively and sell them and

play10:41

make some money that way well that's

play10:42

lovely

play10:43

if you're not somebody who has the level

play10:46

of organization and power to do that it

play10:48

would be better to give away the broken

play10:50

bike or to donate it and so a rule of

play10:53

thumb is like it just depends on how

play10:55

much money you have but let's say that

play10:57

you could replace something for twenty

play10:58

dollars and you're not using it right

play11:00

now go ahead and give it away because if

play11:02

you can replace it for twenty dollars

play11:04

you know if you have a little more money

play11:05

you could put the line at like fifty

play11:07

dollars if you could replace this thing

play11:09

for fifty dollars but you're not using

play11:11

it right now go ahead so a bike is more

play11:13

than that right a used bike is I don't

play11:15

know 500 or something that's a lot of

play11:17

money and but so then it's time to use a

play11:21

productivity method to write down some

play11:22

things you're actually going to deal

play11:24

with and give yourself a timeline you go

play11:26

I'm going to get this bike repaired and

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the bike repair costs whatever sixty

play11:29

dollars and then you put it on

play11:30

Craigslist and sell it for whatever a

play11:33

few hundred dollars and then you have

play11:34

the money and that's that's satisfying

play11:37

and I would like everybody to have that

play11:38

money everybody's happy you know

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somebody has a bike and the bike is

play11:41

fixed and everything's going really well

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but it's just like realistically can you

play11:45

do that so another Arrangement you can

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do is to partner up with somebody who is

play11:50

willing to help you and you split the

play11:52

proceeds from these Endeavors and

play11:54

sometimes people who you know they're

play11:55

looking for a little extra work they

play11:57

would be happy to do this with you but

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you still have to put the effort out to

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make that arrangement with them so I'm

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just saying sometimes the best way to

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get rid of the Clutter is to give it

play12:06

away it's still going to be valued by

play12:08

somebody it's still going to be useful

play12:09

in the world it's just that you're not

play12:11

going to have the cash all right so

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another thing is your cupboard full of

play12:14

cans and containers of things that have

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been sitting there for more than a year

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so cans do last a while I understand I

play12:23

was hungry a lot when I was growing up

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we had times when we really did have

play12:26

nothing to eat and so it's just been

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this tendency that started when I first

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started having my own money in my own

play12:32

place to live I would way over buy food

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and it was stuff I was never going to

play12:37

eat but I just need I loved the feeling

play12:39

of cupboards that were completely full

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and had stacks of things like that gave

play12:43

me the this feeling of peace and

play12:45

security but the fact of the matter is

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right now

play12:48

I don't need to have all that food in

play12:50

the cupboard because I have some money

play12:52

in savings and I could go buy it at the

play12:55

store at any time now if Hard Times be

play12:57

fill me like at the beginning of

play12:59

lockdown when we all thought oh my gosh

play13:01

there's going to be these food shortages

play13:02

we're all going to starve you know we

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were thinking we're like well we live

play13:05

near a creek we'll have water and then I

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bought like cases and cases of tuna and

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chicken and green beans and corn and all

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this stuff that

play13:14

um you know we've barely made a dent in

play13:16

three years later and it's time for me

play13:19

to give some of it to the food pantry

play13:20

because it's good food and people will

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be glad to have it but we just need to

play13:23

distribute it where it's actually needed

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and going to get eaten even cans have

play13:28

their sort of sell by dates right so

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that's something I'm actually really

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looking forward to and I'll have more

play13:33

shelf space and even if the shelves

play13:35

sipped empty that's fine I personally

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because I get so disregulated by visual

play13:40

clutter like seeing a shelf that has a

play13:43

little space between items it's actually

play13:45

very re-regulating for me and stimulates

play13:47

my I'm imagination and my sense of being

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productive it does do you have that do

play13:52

you have cars that don't work God forbid

play13:55

are they on the front yard well I grew

play13:58

up like that and I was really

play14:00

embarrassed and ashamed about it and it

play14:02

was just you know my parents were going

play14:04

through a lot they did not have power to

play14:06

deal with it but yes there was a broken

play14:08

car in the front yard for years there

play14:10

was a wall between the living room and

play14:12

the garage that had been broken through

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these bricks with a big Jagged hole in

play14:16

it that was also there for years and

play14:18

that we used that for a doorway turn the

play14:19

garage into a bedroom

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but as a teenager it took me a while to

play14:23

understand what was going on in my

play14:24

family was alcoholism alcoholism just

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sucks away all that

play14:28

tidying energy and this clutter was

play14:31

everywhere in the house there were thick

play14:32

layers of dust there was rotten food and

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it made me really ashamed for people to

play14:37

come home

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and so my husband had a car that didn't

play14:41

work he went ahead and bought another

play14:43

one thinking he'd sell the old one and

play14:45

then two years passed or more eventually

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he sold the car so good news he

play14:50

eventually sold the car but it got

play14:51

covered with leaves the neighbors began

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to complain the city came and was

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putting tags on the car and it was

play14:57

really this huge source of old shame

play14:59

well there was like no I think I think

play15:01

some of it was legitimate present day

play15:03

shame but this old childhood thing about

play15:04

being like the most screwed up family on

play15:06

the Block and the neighbors themselves

play15:08

were complaining it was um yeah it was

play15:11

it was beyond even my standards and that

play15:14

level of clutter to me

play15:17

uh just it made it feel like we you know

play15:20

it we also were counting on having the

play15:21

money from that car and we had a plan

play15:23

for that money and we couldn't go

play15:24

forward with the plan for the money

play15:25

because we didn't have the money because

play15:27

we had this car we kept paying

play15:29

registration on it and that kind of

play15:30

thing was very demoralizing to me

play15:33

a lot of my healing from complex PTSD

play15:36

has to do with getting

play15:39

um competency and Mastery over managing

play15:42

life in these areas that were not

play15:43

totally together when I was a kid like I

play15:46

always have car insurance I always see

play15:49

the dentist every six months even when I

play15:51

was a single mom and it had to go on my

play15:53

third credit card I took my kids to the

play15:54

dentist all the time when I was a kid I

play15:57

had very rotten teeth

play15:58

and finally a relative stepped in and

play16:00

paid for me to have like huge amounts of

play16:03

dental work when I was like eight I had

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to have like four crowns by the time I

play16:06

was eight because nobody was brushing my

play16:08

teeth you know and um so that's a thing

play16:11

that's always helped me feel like life

play16:13

is okay life is together now a car is a

play16:16

great example of something that's hard

play16:18

you know sometimes decluttering has this

play16:20

series of steps and when you have cptsd

play16:23

and you're having trouble holding your

play16:24

focus and a task involves a whole series

play16:27

of steps right that can be very hard for

play16:30

a person with cptsd and this is where

play16:33

having a white board or a digital online

play16:36

like I use this thing called kanban flow

play16:39

I'm always telling people k-a-n-b-a-n

play16:41

and I make a list that I look at every

play16:43

day multiple times and I delete things

play16:46

that I complete or move them into a done

play16:48

column but you can create a little task

play16:50

and then click and drag it to these

play16:51

different columns and name them what you

play16:53

want you can color code them and so the

play16:56

steps involved with selling a car right

play16:57

you have to get it like hailed and super

play17:00

clean and then you have to make sure it

play17:02

runs and that the tires are full and you

play17:05

have to know where the keys are for all

play17:07

of this and once it's not always you

play17:09

know if you're very cluttered knowing

play17:10

where the keys are is a problem and if

play17:12

you don't have keys you have to get the

play17:14

keys made you have to have the paperwork

play17:16

and the title ready to sign over so all

play17:18

of that can be so daunting and

play17:20

overwhelming that you can never do it I

play17:21

know exactly why we get cluttered and

play17:24

why cptsd is correlated with this like

play17:26

it's just too much if there's a lot if

play17:29

you're very disregulated so this is

play17:31

another case of sometimes the easy way

play17:33

out is to donate and obviously if your

play17:36

car has great value you know you still

play17:38

want the money but my family's done this

play17:41

before when we had a car that was kind

play17:42

of a clunker and we couldn't deal with

play17:44

all the steps we donated it and they

play17:47

just come and take it and they take it

play17:48

even if you don't have the paperwork

play17:50

even if it doesn't run you know there's

play17:52

somebody who wants that car and that's

play17:54

really helpful to a person like me who

play17:56

can get overwhelmed and everything gets

play17:58

stuck and I can't plan anything unless I

play18:01

solve the problems right in front of my

play18:03

face toiletries

play18:06

let's talk about toiletries so a few

play18:08

months ago

play18:09

I bought some good makeup I've talked

play18:12

about that here before it was such a big

play18:13

deal in my life finally I've got like

play18:15

really good makeup I'm wearing it now

play18:17

how do you like it right but I used to

play18:19

have just like the very cheapest stuff

play18:21

from Walgreens like I was putting stuff

play18:23

on my eyes that wouldn't even stay on my

play18:25

eyes and it was five dollars and little

play18:26

splinters were getting in my eyes and it

play18:29

probably caused this cancer I don't know

play18:30

it's what I had and it's what I was used

play18:32

to and it comes from growing up poor but

play18:34

I'm at a point in my life where having

play18:36

the makeup be together and look nice and

play18:38

kind of stay on my eyes and not go

play18:40

running down is important to me so I

play18:43

hired an expert

play18:45

um and her name is Maria Riley she's a

play18:48

makeup artist and I had hired her for

play18:50

professional video shoots that I used to

play18:52

run before but I hired her just for me

play18:55

and she came and helped me and she

play18:57

showed me you know she told me what to

play18:59

buy and what makeup to get and she

play19:01

taught me how to apply the makeup and it

play19:04

was this really great day it was kind of

play19:05

stressful and I've it just was a lot to

play19:07

learn for me I never really knew I like

play19:10

I I airbrush my face with Foundation

play19:14

yeah right it's so I didn't even know

play19:17

you could Airbrush Foundation onto your

play19:18

face but it just looks better and I

play19:20

don't know it looks great so so I have a

play19:23

little airbrush and I have these little

play19:24

pods and you know I have to maintain it

play19:27

all I have to wash my brushes and it's

play19:28

this whole thing but when Maria was

play19:30

sitting with me showing me this she goes

play19:32

well she said first you know get out

play19:33

everything that you have right now

play19:35

and so I showed her all my makeup and

play19:37

she was so cool and non-judgmental about

play19:39

my crappy old stuff she's like this nail

play19:41

polish like I can't open it I'm like oh

play19:43

yeah I bought that like in 1999 uh to

play19:47

put my kids initial on his toothbrush

play19:50

you know it's a long time ago you know

play19:53

and it doesn't open anymore and um she

play19:55

said okay well you could anything that's

play19:57

like old and not usable anymore you can

play19:58

just throw out there was some stuff that

play20:01

was old and you could still use it but

play20:03

now I had a new better version of it but

play20:05

it was halfway used makeup and I was

play20:07

like what can we do with this can we

play20:08

give it to somebody she was like no

play20:09

that's you can't give old makeup to

play20:11

people throw it out and so you know this

play20:14

part of me that's so Thrifty I can't

play20:16

stand throwing things out I got used to

play20:18

it it's like I I have better stuff now

play20:21

I don't need this anymore I'm truly not

play20:23

going to use it anymore and nobody else

play20:24

wants my 15 year old bronzer or and they

play20:29

definitely don't want my two-year-old

play20:30

mascara that's kind of dried out you

play20:33

know they don't want it it's unsanitary

play20:35

and it goes you just throw it out so

play20:37

that was kind of freeing for me and

play20:40

I noticed that a little bit of hoarding

play20:43

style was there that it that I had an

play20:45

emotional attachment like this was the

play20:47

make like makeup from 20 years ago like

play20:49

I was young back then I had little

play20:50

babies I was I was a new mom and by

play20:54

throwing out the stuff that belonged to

play20:56

me at that time and likewise with the

play20:57

pants I'm never going to fit into again

play20:59

you know

play21:01

it just was this idea of a time that I

play21:03

could go back to and I had to get it

play21:05

into my mind that it's okay it's okay to

play21:09

get rid of the belongings of that time

play21:10

because the way that we can revisit

play21:13

those times is looking at pictures

play21:14

having memories or really just living in

play21:17

the present and having a good time now

play21:19

there's so many ways you know for

play21:21

example that I'm more like a young

play21:23

person in my life now and that I'm

play21:25

lighter-hearted I feel more

play21:26

free-spirited I can have fun at a party

play21:28

I don't sit there just like sour feeling

play21:30

like everybody hates me like I'm kind of

play21:33

younger than I've ever been so so it's

play21:36

okay you know not to have the belongings

play21:38

anymore and I'm telling the pants from

play21:40

like 1999 and the big bell bottoms and

play21:42

stuff I don't even want them anymore and

play21:45

I can't button them so

play21:47

so it's all good so those I donated and

play21:51

you know God help the people who

play21:52

actually want to wear those old pants

play21:54

but maybe they do and I just trust that

play21:56

Goodwill will sort it all out and they

play21:58

whatever should be recycled as fabric

play22:00

they they're going to take care of it

play22:02

and I can stop grieving it or anything

play22:04

but it's out of my closet you know

play22:06

whether it's sentimentality or fear of

play22:09

that you'll be in lack in the future or

play22:11

feeling done with it but not having the

play22:14

inner power to you know just make the

play22:16

time and put it on your schedule and do

play22:18

it

play22:19

power is what you need whatever whatever

play22:21

the step that you need to take is the

play22:23

thing that's going to propel you into

play22:24

that step is inner power so I'm going to

play22:27

talk about how to get that inner power

play22:28

within this video but I just want to

play22:30

cover clutter a little more so let's go

play22:33

over the other dimensions of clutter

play22:34

that hold you back and keep you from

play22:35

feeling open to life and ready for good

play22:38

things to come in all right one of them

play22:41

is mental clutter one thing I can say

play22:44

from my own experience of childhood PTSD

play22:47

is the stuff that I'm holding in my mind

play22:49

can get very crowded and I'm sure

play22:52

there's some sort of problem with trauma

play22:54

that makes thoughts and ideas you know

play22:56

harder to sort and remember and process

play22:58

in a good way you know to move them

play23:01

along

play23:01

and that clutter of the Mind there it

play23:05

makes it hard to focus it makes it hard

play23:07

to prioritize things appropriately and

play23:10

it makes it hard for me to notice that I

play23:12

have choices when I'm feeling

play23:13

overwhelmed like the world gets very it

play23:15

gets very small like I I'm just like I'm

play23:17

so overwhelmed I'm so overwhelmed

play23:19

there's nothing I can do and then I

play23:21

bring that dysregulation down and I the

play23:22

choices open back up again

play23:24

so I Rely heavily on to-do lists timers

play23:29

and calendars so that I can predict when

play23:32

I'm clear-headed what I need to be doing

play23:34

each day and then write down a plan now

play23:37

I know not everybody is a planner I am a

play23:40

planner plans help me get stuff out of

play23:42

my mind I know if I write it down I

play23:44

don't have to keep reminding myself

play23:45

don't forget don't forget drop the rent

play23:47

drop the rent

play23:48

now I don't always stick to my plan in

play23:50

fact I almost never stick entirely to my

play23:52

plan because my plans are a little too

play23:54

ambitious but I don't have to waste time

play23:56

throughout the day trying to figure out

play23:58

what I need to do next I've already put

play24:00

them in ranked order priority of what

play24:02

I'm going to do and I declutter my mind

play24:04

twice a day by doing my daily practice

play24:07

techniques which helps me move you know

play24:09

fearful resentful thoughts out of my

play24:11

mind and onto paper so that I have more

play24:13

of my mind available to actually like

play24:15

think and envision things and do things

play24:19

and there's a link to my daily practice

play24:21

course down in the description section

play24:23

of this video and all my videos if you

play24:24

want to try it it's free anybody can try

play24:27

it and that's one way to find out if it

play24:29

helps you too to clear your mind is give

play24:31

it a try

play24:32

okay then there's emotional clutter and

play24:35

mostly by this I mean old beliefs and

play24:37

resentments that once were true that

play24:40

you've been telling yourself and telling

play24:41

other people way past the expiration

play24:44

date like did a boyfriend in high school

play24:46

make out with your best friend well that

play24:48

happened to me I only found out about it

play24:50

from the friend when I was an adult and

play24:52

I had a good hard cry about it for 10

play24:54

minutes and I was really sad

play24:57

and and then for about four months I

play24:59

couldn't let it go I just couldn't let

play25:01

it go

play25:02

I was really resentful eventually the

play25:05

friendship with the friend fell apart

play25:06

not because of this directly but I think

play25:09

that when the truth of the relationship

play25:10

came out I don't know it just didn't

play25:12

hold we've been friends a long time

play25:15

but what she did I did think a little

play25:17

less of her even though it was so so

play25:19

long ago I mean it was literally back in

play25:22

the 70s

play25:23

and

play25:24

um and we did drift apart but now I just

play25:28

because of my daily practice the

play25:30

emotions about it are just like they're

play25:32

not there there's I have no tears about

play25:33

it at all like I remember it

play25:36

it's a fact but I'm not carrying this

play25:38

emotional clutter this resentment at her

play25:40

or this victimization like oh it could

play25:43

have been so great with this boyfriend

play25:44

if she hadn't come along I have no

play25:46

Illusions about that it's

play25:49

sometimes the hurtful things that happen

play25:52

are an indicator of the instability and

play25:55

ungodness of the things in your life the

play25:58

relationships in your life and so we get

play26:01

emotionally cluttered sometimes when we

play26:02

hold on with that sort of Shoulda Coulda

play26:04

Woulda thinking or um you know they

play26:07

really I you know they owe me and

play26:09

apologize I can't I apology I can't let

play26:12

this go until they apologize so we're

play26:14

sort of freezing stuff in Amber

play26:16

emotionally and it becomes an identity

play26:19

right

play26:20

and this was these are some of the

play26:22

phases I've had to go through sometimes

play26:24

in healing like it was really healing

play26:25

for me at a certain point to go you know

play26:27

what I am I'm an adult child of an

play26:29

alcoholic and that was like my whole

play26:31

thing for a while

play26:32

and gradually I did a lot of healing

play26:34

around that and this the things that go

play26:36

with that and I also noticed that

play26:39

there's stuff going on with me that's a

play26:41

problem

play26:43

that has nothing to do with that

play26:45

and to solve those problems it helped me

play26:48

to free up and start going I'm a person

play26:50

who has a lot of things I've had some

play26:51

hard things I've had some advantages

play26:54

um I I will always be an adult child of

play26:56

an alcoholic but that is so not my

play26:58

primary identity anymore I'm a person

play27:00

with complex PTSD but I'm always telling

play27:03

people your your trauma is an injury but

play27:07

it's not an identity it's not what you

play27:09

are and so carrying all this stuff like

play27:11

this terrible stuff happened I can never

play27:13

change there are a few problems in life

play27:15

that actually can't be changed

play27:18

right and one example I use is

play27:21

um losing a limb you cannot get another

play27:23

limb but you can get a work around you

play27:25

can often get a prosthetic that will

play27:27

help you do many things and your life

play27:30

can continue to Blossom anyway and so

play27:33

that's that is an uncluttered approach

play27:36

to dealing with life's hardship is not

play27:38

to carry it around forever like it's

play27:40

always going to take some time to deal

play27:41

with the grief and sadness and

play27:43

disappointment and anger of of what has

play27:46

happened but soon with healthy healing

play27:49

it gets moved down the conveyor belt

play27:51

down into the past space opens up again

play27:53

for new experiences new relationships

play27:56

and yes new heartaches new ones life

play28:00

goes on emotional clutter also comes in

play28:03

the form of seeking out social media

play28:05

people you're obsessed with or seeking

play28:08

out news about things that make you

play28:10

angry like anger is the drug like being

play28:14

different than better than disagreeing

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with hateful towards

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some other kind of person and that's a

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drug and that is clutter outrage is

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total emotional clutter if the news you

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read isn't helping you be informed so

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that you can be more useful it's clutter

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all right it's it's emotional clutter

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and it's probably making you sick and

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it's probably getting passed on to other

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people and making their world difficult

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I really urge you to pay attention and

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prioritize what is useful so just like

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you would go through a drawer and keep

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the genes that you still wear and get

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rid of the ones that you're never going

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to wear

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when you're consuming media what is the

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stuff that's actually useful to you like

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necessary for your job or truly

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entertaining and uplifting for you great

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I'm all for people being informed but we

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are so far beyond like being informed

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anymore with the level of information

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that is designed to agitate us and

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clutter us up emotionally and the

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consequence of that is a lot of division

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and isolation and trust me as a

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traumatized person you don't need extra

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of that

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so if your media consumption is causing

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you to feel separate from people if it's

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causing you to feel turned against or

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victimized by people in a way that you

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didn't used to then it's clutter if it's

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helping you recognize a problem that you

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can solve or that you need to address

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it's useful that's basically the formula

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now finally emotional clutter can be the

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sad stories that that we tell ourselves

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about stuff like you know I was the

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black sheep in my family and now I can

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never feel like I belong or I was

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rejected by my mom and I just can't have

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relationships those are things that I've

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believed about myself before and

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thankfully I got those out of the

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cupboard I got those out of the cupboard

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and I made space for a new idea and a

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new experience to come in

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and I get this a lot in um in the

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letters people write to me and somebody

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was writing in you know I spent years

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waiting for this girlfriend to get done

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with school and then she didn't she

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didn't want me anymore and they felt

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wrong for all those years and it had

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been years and years since it had

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happened and then now they could never

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have an education and I'm just going to

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say yeah no that sucks but

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there was nothing stopping you from

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doing whatever you wanted to do with

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your life while you were in that

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relationship or now and there there are

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certain relationships that stop you that

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do stop people abusive relationships

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course of ones being trapped in terrible

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poverty being incarcerated these are

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some reasons why people legitimately get

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stuck but a lot of times this is learned

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helplessness we're like the little bird

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in a cage the door's open but we never

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think to fly out

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those stories you tell yourself this

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cage I can never get out

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they need to be questioned you need to

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ask yourself is that true is that true

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is there another way what would happen

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if I walked out of the cage and the

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circumstances of your life I know it's

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going to include some things that are

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hard and some things that are easy some

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things that are probably never going to

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be solved in some things that are just

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one second away just one little decision

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away and some things that are so massive

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that you don't really have control over

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them but you start with the thing that

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you can do you start with the thing

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right in front of you

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people with cptsd get overwhelmed and

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overwhelm is this feeling like I see a

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hundred things to do where do I even

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start you just start with the thing in

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front of you one thing that you can try

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right now is just take a fast do a day

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where you don't talk about a certain

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problem anymore you might even take a

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fast from thinking about it it's you

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know you can't totally control your

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thoughts but when you notice you're

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thinking it again divert your thoughts

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to something else just for a day just to

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teach yourself about that space that you

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actually do have within you where you're

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not consumed by this problem that

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happened this this limitation that was

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put on you at one time and just see if

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you don't if there isn't like a little

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door in that cage There's real life

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possibilities in front of you right now

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and to see them you might need to move

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past those hurts and let them recede

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into the past and I I keep promising you

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this I will talk about how to do that

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okay but I want to talk about a couple

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more kinds of clutter relationship

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clutter and I'm talking about all kinds

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of relationships friends co-workers

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family people in in the Romantic

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category if you have cptsd chances are

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you have a shortage of people with whom

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you feel safe and good and seen and

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heard who get you and you have an

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abundance of people you don't like you

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don't want to deal with but you're

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forced to see them either because they

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live in the same building as you or you

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feel obligated or they work where you

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work or it's you have you carry this

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thing like I don't know it's probably

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just me I should keep putting up with

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this person who really makes me feel

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terrible because it's probably just me

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that's a trauma thing so relationship

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decluttering means you make space in

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your life to enjoy people with whom you

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have Affinity you like them you feel

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good you inspire each other or you have

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a common purpose like you're working or

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raising children together and you do

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this by gently removing people who don't

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really belong in your life anymore

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it's better to have fewer people who are

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good for you than a whole bunch of

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people who just make you feel

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relationship cluttered you don't have to

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have a great reason for for stepping

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back from a relationship it helps to

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have Clarity though and if you need

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clarity about who those people are my

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connection boot camp talks about that so

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you can check that out if you're

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interested all right finally there's

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time clutter and I think this one you

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know what I'm talking about that's where

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you you take too much on and this is the

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problem of over functioners who get

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their need for approval and meaning met

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by saying yes to things and having

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accomplishments and having this sense of

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a very colorful busy calendar

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these can be good things but if you're

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not having time

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for friends or exercise or learning or

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adequate sleep or healing your trauma

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then your time is too cluttered you need

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some space in your life that is

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unscheduled that's unspoken for and it's

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open for you to decide in the moment how

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you want to spend that even if it's just

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sitting there staring at the wall

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because it's in those down times that

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you can really recharge your batteries

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to get new ideas you can make changes

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you could do something really big with

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your life that you couldn't have done

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when you were chained up to other

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people's timelines and other people's

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agendas and that's one of the functions

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of meditation is to you know to sort of

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schedule and bring in that quiet time

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for that new inspiration to come in

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the thing is when you stop being

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cluttered all over your life openness

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does come and so does responsibility and

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sometimes that urge to clutter up your

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mind your heart your time your home it's

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a way to hold life away from you it's

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covert avoidance is something I call

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that life is hard sometimes it can be

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triggering and for that what you really

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want is boundaries and ability to make

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decisions and say no but clutter I

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believe is a low-grade barrier to keep

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your life manageable I'd actually put

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debt in that in that column too like

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getting in debt staying in debt it's a

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way to hold life back I see I have no

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choices see I have to stay stuck where I

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am because actually thinking about my

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next step is stressful

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triggering but that's not a good way to

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accomplish you know self-care and to

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treat that feeling of being overwhelmed

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and triggered all the way the side

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effects of that it's isolation it's it's

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getting Frozen in Amber instead of

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growing and it's getting isolated and

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making everything in the end

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unmanageable it gets more stressful not

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less stressful when you shut life out so

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even if you don't know what your next

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step is yet consider just opening up

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something better in your life

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because there's greatness in you and it

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needs room to breathe and grow beyond

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the trauma beyond what was done to you

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in the past and one way that you can

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begin to step into that good energy of

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change and growth is by decluttering you

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can start where you are with just one

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closet or one thing on your calendar

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that needs to be taken off by ending a

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friendship that no longer serves you or

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by letting go of an old Grudge that you

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held against someone that really is not

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going to change anything whether you

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have The Grudge or not when you make

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space in your life some old

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trauma-driven feelings and thoughts are

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definitely going to surface

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and so to keep your decluttering steady

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and sustained and not fall back into it

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or start piling things up again in every

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sense of the word you'll need tools to

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help you face and release the friction

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that arises the feelings that used to

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get stuffed down by by your inability to

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take action you know push it down you

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know keep avoiding

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so if you want to open up to this and be

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able to process those feelings that come

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up one thing I recommend to you is to

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try my daily practice techniques they

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are free it's a it's an online course

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that you can complete well you can learn

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the techniques in less than an hour and

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there's a whole bunch of FAQ videos to

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learn the fine points and the link to

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that free course is right here and I

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will see you very soon

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[Music]

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thank you

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[Music]

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Related Tags
Trauma RecoveryClutter ManagementMental HealthEmotional HealingDecluttering TechniquesAnxiety ReliefDepression SymptomsADHD ManagementNeurological ImpactPTSD StrategiesSelf-Help