Shane Gillis | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #478
Summary
TLDRComedians Theo Von and Shane Gillis have a wide-ranging conversation, discussing Von's upcoming shows at the Greek Theater and Kia Forum in Los Angeles as part of Netflix's comedy festival, Gillis recently moving to Austin, Texas, their thoughts on planning comedy tours, the possibility of society unraveling and what they predict could happen, unusual news stories like a man clinging to the front of a moving car and secret underground tunnels being discovered in New York, their comedic takes on unusual topics like hairy female body parts, and more. The two longtime friends and comedians touch on many topics in their signature humorous style.
Takeaways
- 😀 Shane has recently moved from New York to Austin, Texas
- 😲 They discuss absurd news stories like a rabbi emerging from an underground tunnel and a man clinging to the front of a moving car
- 🎤 Shane talks about upcoming comedy tour dates and performing at large venues like the Greek Theater in LA
- ☠️ They joke about leading an army of homeless people in a revolution against the wealthy
- 🎳 The possibility of sports leagues having divisions for transgender athletes is discussed
- 😨 Childhood stories are shared about getting caught masturbating
- 🤮 A drunk Phillies fan vomited on a cop's kid at a game
- 😡 Parents yelling at refs at kids' games is critiqued
- 🐘 An elephant that killed its handler and then attacked its corpse at the funeral is mentioned
- 🤔 The prevalence of autism and its potential links to contamination in food and environment are discussed
Q & A
Where is Shane Gillis originally from?
-Shane is originally from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He recently moved from New York City to Austin, Texas.
What venues is Shane performing at in Los Angeles?
-Shane is performing at the Greek Theater and The Forum in LA in May 2023 as part of the Netflix Is A Joke comedy festival.
What is one of the appeals of living in Austin for a comedian?
-Austin offers lots of stage time for comics. Shane mentions being able to do 3-4 sets a night at the Comedy Store in Austin, which allows comedians to practice material frequently.
What podcast was Shane a guest on previously?
-Shane was previously a guest on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, hosted by Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis.
What controversial news clip do Shane and Theo discuss?
-They discuss a clip of the Mayor of New York, Eric Adams, giving advice to parents on searching their kids' rooms for guns and drugs.
What food contamination issue do they talk about?
-They discuss a report that found plasticizers/phthalates present in most supermarket and fast foods tested.
What is one of Shane's thoughts on the future of the U.S.?
-Shane wonders if society could be heading towards some kind of revolution or collapse at some point, if enough people stop following laws and rules.
What does Theo encourage Shane to get?
-Theo encourages Shane to get some guns if he becomes very rich.
What sport do they joke about having a division for transgender athletes?
-They joke about mixed martial arts having a transgender division for competitors.
What viral news story features a blind child playing football?
-They discuss a news story where a young blind child plays in a football game, which they find quite surprising.
Outlines
😄 Introduction to Theo's Comedy Show and Guest Shane Gillis
Theo Von introduces his comedy podcast and guest Shane Gillis. They briefly discuss Shane's recent move to Austin, Texas.
😀 Discussing Past and Future Comedy Touring Plans
Theo and Shane discuss their approaches to touring. Theo prefers smaller, intimate tours while Shane is doing larger shows like the LA Greek Theatre. They talk about the pros and cons of different venue sizes.
😆 Talking About Taking Ayahuasca
Theo shares his experience taking ayahuasca several years ago. He describes the intense effects and feeling like he was with God. Shane has also tried it and agrees it's a powerful psychedelic experience.
😀 Seeking Interesting Podcast Guests Like Carnival Workers
Theo and his team have been trying to book interesting podcast guests like carnival workers. However, they are often busy working on weekends.
🤣 Laughing at Absurd News Stories and Videos
Theo and Shane laugh at absurd news stories and viral videos: A mayor teaching parents how to search kids' rooms, a man clinging to the front of a moving car, a blind football player, a Jew emerging from a manhole.
😬 Discussing Women's Body Hair and Dating
Theo and Shane have an awkward discussion about women's body hair preferences. Theo claims some women naturally have a lot of hair 'like a man's ass,' but Shane disagrees.
😨 Reacting to a Video of an Elephant Attacking a Funeral
Theo and Shane watch a shocking video of an elephant crashing a funeral in India and attacking the woman's corpse. They are stunned by the bizarre and tragic event.
😆 Talking About Executing a Homeless Revolution
As an absurd hypothetical, Theo and Shane jokingly discuss executing a 'homeless revolution' by arming the homeless with weapons and having them take over cities.
🤔 Philosophizing About a Coming Societal Collapse
Theo wonders if society is headed towards collapse as people increasingly disobey laws and rules. Shane agrees it's possible if enough people decide not to follow them.
😂 Laughing at a Man Being Electrocuted
In a dark moment, Theo shares a story of cruelly laughing at a man being accidentally electrocuted instead of helping him. Shane can relate to the inappropriate reaction.
😡 Annoyed by Obnoxious Sports Fans
Theo and Shane complain about obnoxious parents loudly yelling at kid's sports games and amateur referees.
🤯 Shocked by Orthodox Jews Building Secret Tunnels
Theo and Shane react to news reports about Orthodox Jews building secret tunnels under synagogues, leading to offensive jokes.
😞 Sad Childhood Story About a Classmate's Death
Theo shares a sad story from childhood - he jokingly yelled 'Reggie Lewis' when a classmate collapsed, referencing an athlete who died on court. The classmate ended up dying.
🤠 Brainstorming a Revolution of Armed Homeless People
As an absurd hypothetical, Theo and Shane jokingly discuss executing a 'homeless revolution' by arming the homeless with weapons like ninja swords and having them take over cities.
😬 Making Crude Jokes About College Women's Sports
Theo and Shane make provocative jokes about 'tricking their way' into women's locker rooms at college volleyball games.
🥳 Excited for Shane's Upcoming Shows at the Forum and Greek Theatre
Shane shares he's performing at LA's Greek Theatre and Forum for a Netflix comedy festival. Theo is thrilled for him and predicts the large shows will sell out.
😃 Wrapping Up the Conversation
As the podcast wraps up, Theo congratulates Shane on his success. They jokingly discuss where people would flee if society collapsed. Theo closes out thanking Shane.
Mindmap
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Keywords
💡comedy
💡current events
💡pop culture
💡relationships
💡sports
💡parenting
💡celebrity
💡controversy
💡drugs
💡social class
Highlights
Shane has recently moved from New York to Austin, Texas.
Shane discusses his upcoming shows at the Greek Theater and The Forum in LA as part of Netflix's comedy festival.
Theo talks about his experience taking ayahuasca and describes the intense effects.
They joke about the idea of Shannon recruiting a "bum army" armed with weapons to start a revolution.
Discussion of the bizarre video of the mayor of New York teaching parents how to search their kids' rooms for guns and drugs.
Talk about the news story of the blind teenager Dylan Collier courageously playing football.
Theo recalls getting accidentally electrocuted as a kid and people's reactions.
Debate over whether some women naturally have hairy bottoms.
Discussion of the trend of transgender athletes competing in women's sports.
Talk about new research finding plastic chemicals present in most supermarket foods.
Anecdote about Shane's embarrassing photos with fans.
Shane describes initially feeling lonely and getting scared at night when he first moved to Austin.
Discussion about the challenges of doing outdoor comedy festival shows.
Debate whether society seems to be approaching some kind of breaking point or revolution.
Review of the crazy viral video of the older white man clinging to the front of a car while the driver speeds around.
Transcripts
I have new tour dates to tell you about
I'll be in New Orleans Louisiana we're
coming back over there we're going to do
it at the Sanger theater down now down
now downtown March 29th and 30th that's
Easter weekend uh get your tickets early
with the pre-sale code Rat King starting
this Wednesday January 17th at 10:00
a.m. local time General on sale begins
Friday January 19th at 10: a.m. local
time we also have tickets remaining in
Charlottesville State College Amhurst uh
Brisbane Sydney in the Australia and
Atlanta Georgia get all your tickets at
theovon
docomo we are down here in Austin Texas
today over at Rooster Teeth Studios and
we are happy to be here and really happy
to let you know about today's guest um
he's one of the brightest young
comedians in the world he is just a damn
I mean just a long damn just Ivory
Flamingo of a of a boy and he is just so
humorous and you know him from Matt and
Shane's secret podcast and his latest
special beautiful dogs on Netflix I'm
grateful to get to spend time today with
my friend Mr Shane
[Music]
Gillis I'll sit and tell you my story
[Music]
shine on
me and I
[Music]
[Applause]
willing you ready I don't know I'm
really not it's a podcast who gives a
we can sit here and say nothing and
people be like
unbelievable the two comedic Geniuses of
our time done it again Legend going be
like yo how do you jack off how do you
poop people like holy
yeah I'm not worried about
it Legend dude how weird how weird is it
when people start saying you're a legend
you're like uh I just ate a Wendy's
Burger in the like family restroom by
myself I'm
depressed yeah that's always weird I
think cuz that's probably started to
happen you people were like dude this
guy's the king right some yeah yeah for
sure a lot of I've heard stuff like that
off-road Elvis people call you that late
Elvis Vegas Elvis fat Fat Sweaty dying
Elvis that actually fires me up I'll
take that yeah people say uh like you'd
be like the baddest Dyke in the world
people say I've heard that just
crazy and I mean holding back water I'm
not talking about oh yeah yeah stick a
finger in there dude if we went what if
we did under we were undercover lesbians
I think you and me can pull that off
real easy you get rid of that not all of
it I know oh yeah leave a little stubble
like one of those really crazy lesbians
yeah like the ones that are like you
know they want you to know they could
have been a men if they wanted to but
they chose this route for sure
yeah
um good to see you man good to see you
man Shane bro nice to see you dude happy
to see you you too man thanks for thanks
for hanging out and uh yeah and I was so
glad that I got to do Matt and Shane's
secret podcast bro yes dude dude that
was awesome that uh Matt's amazing
Matt's one of those guys it's like you
Tim Dylan and Matt are the guys Nick
Mullen can do it too it's nice to be on
a podcast with you guys where you can
just sit there and be like all right go
because I'm not I feel like I'm not that
great at it I'm good at you know yeah
I'm it's nice to have somebody that's
just like good at think geed up then I
can you know I can do something you know
yeah yeah you can but then I get yeah
sometimes the wheel start to fall off I
agree I I'm actually very similar if I'm
like all right this is fun I'm having a
good day sometimes I'll just yeah not
many not many funny responses just yeah
doing it with a buddy is so fun dude
because you have like there's just
somebody to talk to like sometimes I do
them by myself and I'm like I wish
there was somebody else here you know
doing it by yourself is crazy that's so
crazy I can I can't imagine
how often do you do that it really is I
think I do it like once a month right
now by myself be hard yeah I think it's
let me think about what it's like uh I
think sometimes it's just tough because
you're own if you have a bad attitude
it's just you you know I can't imag yeah
if I if I felt bad I would go on there
and just be like hey I feel bad but then
you don't want to be every week like hey
I feel like I know I've been in
several months of that yeah every
episode I'm like hung over again
yeah God damn it this is depressing yeah
really it makes you feel that like you
like every time you show up you're like
oh I'm hung over and you start to notice
a pattern you mean oh yeah for sure yeah
drinking too much that's but I love it I
love it dude I can't there's there's no
part of me that's like all right stop oh
yeah just like no this you got it that's
what you tell yourself you got no then
you're fully in control n man you're
good in complete control D dude one time
we were drinking with my buddy and uh he
got into the Uber right and he just
didn't get his like he had like real
kind of heavy legs cuz his mom kind of
had heavy legs but she would wear tight
pants and you kind of couldn't tell but
if you were over there a lot you knew
yeah that she kind of had really stocky
legs and um but he was bringing his
second leg into the Uber and his sandal
fell off right so then we had this place
we go bro he shows off no yeah
everybody was just like he just seems so
much drunker than he was you know it's
crazy I lo yeah that's yeah losing one
piece of Footwear and somebody's like oh
that guy like a lens of a glasses one
lens you're hammered dude you're
a crackhead now oh yeah that's that's
insane I feel like losing a glass is
lens you got a really yeah your kids are
like nuh-uh yeah yeah your kids are like
we're not we're going to order
pizza forever it's Pizza time yeah um
what was I looking at this morning that
was making me laugh it was um oh do you
see that thing with the mayor do you see
that thing with mayor with the mayor of
New York
no it's a um oh yeah this is it right
here do you see this so Eric Adams he
teaches what is he saying they're
teaching kids how to they're teaching
parents how to search your kids' room to
find drugs and gun stuff get you see
this you can look at a jewelry box a
jewelry box of this nature maybe a
simple jewelry box but if you look
through it closely you don't know what
your child may be hiding for instance a
gun that's from
New York government like make it scary
as hold on hold on start it over
that music is crazy scare the out
of these people it's like it almost
seems like a um like the story before
Castle Vania starts like on a video game
jewelry box a jewelry box this is
opening menu May a simp box but if you
look through it closely you don't know
what your child may be hiding for
instance a gun look at picture frames
behind them
try to determine what's what's taking
place behind a picture frame you can
find bullets you should always when your
child bring video game that's where you
find bullets in video games look through
it to see look through his naag you
might find a
grenade in addition to a book something
simple as a crack pipe something simple
as a as a baby dog what great is a kid
baby doll but also it could be a place
where you can secrete or hide
drugs secr this is the mayor that's
unusual like a pull like this with the
button is a perfect invitation to hide
something and I felt something bumpy I
will reach in see what it is just
look bro you guys have got to SL stop
man you guys have to see this I mean
it's just that's unbelievable look at
this where's wait where's the cocaine
at hi cocaine you can look in the
jewelry box a jewelry box I like it more
than just books to
jewry just look see what's inside your
bookcases more book this is like black
clue call me Colonel Mustard
look behind this picture of your cousin
what's that a eightball some
suppositories he's like oh look in look
in this baby doll what's in there a
shank a picture of Andy dof frame it's a
good kid I mean he's got guns and a
printer yeah oh it's a nice room yeah
it's like oh oh look under that Nintendo
switch oh what's that bam it's a 12
gauge and some tramad doll now and lers
he's got a lot of guns dud um that's
pretty awesome that's pretty awesome man
he's a good I like him Eric Adams yeah
he seems funny yeah seems
good yeah I think he obviously seems
down Earth he's willing to do that yeah
you know because that seems like it
could be like a sketch you know they
somebody think that was a sketch you
think who where's that from no that's
real it feels like Reno that's real
that's old though I don't know how that
has to be old there's no way New York it
was tweeted out like this week and
that's why it got the rounds I don't me
to punch holes in it cuz if that just
came out that looks like it's from 20
years ago it looks like that was yeah
check your son's Invisalign case he may
be hiding uh shotgun shells or just
bullets bullets yeah look behind that
autograph picture of Katie Perry oh
what's that that's a Gatling gun and
some oxies oh you you think it's just
your child's retainer case but open it
up and Bam it's an indentured servant
and some quays that is good for yeah
honky parents need to be doing this also
what do you mean like just you need to
find they need to find the weapons yeah
did your parents ever check your I'm
trying to think of my mom oh my mom came
in one time and I remember I was
touching myself right big
surprise and
uh she's like what what what are you
doing that's what she said shamed you
yeah she's like what are you
doing like and I was kind of sitting on
the bed it was almost like very almost
as if like in the 1800s you'd wandered
upon like a a guy who was like a a j
like a Jester traveling in the woods and
he taking off his suit and he's jerking
off on by the river bank or whatever you
know and she's like what are you doing
and I was like get out yeah and so then
she closed the door right she waited
like two seconds right I continued
Master B she came right back in dude I
had a hotel guy do this to me like a
couple months ago no way really I was in
Indianapolis a Indian man walked
straight in the room while I was jacking
off a real Indian guy wow no uh from
India oh yeah yes oh yeah Hotel yeah
definitely and he the guy at the front
stood there for yeah he stood there for
a while oh yeah and I was like yo you
got to get out of here and then he stood
outside the door waited like 15 seconds
and knocked oh wow I I started jacking
off as soon as he left again so I was
jerking off again I hear a knock
I was like dude get the out of here
what are you doing the crazy part is
imagining you walk over there with your
wiener still in your hand and look
through that little peephole you know
who somebody else someone different than
the guy I just screamed at with my
in my hand yeah hey get I was also I I
was naked laying on top of the ma bed oh
I didn't even get under the covers it
was right when I checked in oh that's
sad I just stripped down and went
straight to it you did yeah what is it
that makes us do that you know hotel
rooms it's almost like you know some
birds when they after they've flown for
a long way they'll like vomit right when
they land it's uh I don't want to it's
some like a seagull or something there
yeah you know some birds can fly almost
1100 miles before they land right but
there's some when they right when they
vomit they land will you look that up
yeah I see defensive vomiting that
turkey vultures do yeah I don't know
about when they land defensive vomiting
there a Philly a Phillies fan defensive
vomited on a kid one time really at a
game yeah the guy in front of him was
talking and he puked on his son
during the
baseball defensive that gu a turkey ball
dude yeah that's a Cracker Barrel
baptism right there dude got puked on at
a baseball game cuz your drunk dad with
one lens in his glasses was
mouthing off
dude there's way there's way too many
fights at these games these days or do
you think we're just recording them now
that's what it is I don't know there's
always been that many fights we're there
has always been that many fights but
it's so easy to get in a fight at a
sporting event yeah CU you want your
team to win so bad and then there's a
guy next to you like clapping hard for
the other team well people also some
yeah that's true so I hate him I can't
control this game but I can that
guy up oh it's a good point you know I
might be losing about 30 out there but
right here
going be moral Victory I'm going to get
arrested after the loss yeah I'm going
to be I'm going to vomit on this guy's
fat
[Laughter]
son vomiting on a kid is so funny well
just be like this game's not going
well there's no video is that the kid
and that's the guy who did it it's from
2010 there's no video leg dude he does
have one lens I knew it Matthew yeah he
does got one lens he has one lens you're
right Matthew Clemens Phillies fan
vomit vomit man
vomit a
superhero I guess he threw up on a cop
and a kid Dam wasn't just wow he on a
spree yeah it says right there what
Philadelphia Phillies fan Matthew
Clemens did was enough to make himself
sick and us too for that matter but at
least now he admits it wow good friend
we should call him sometime the
21-year-old Cherry Hill New Jersey and
I've been there made love to a native
American woman there which is crazy cuz
you were just talking about that I
forgot about that they were the the the
hotel was under Renovations and it was
crazy I think she thought I was bringing
her to like some like crazy place or
something cuz there was the you know all
that um pump there was a door Vis Queen
hanging everywhere like it was I don't
even think people should have been
staying there like you didn't even have
a door just like V Queen you had to hold
your car key up to the VIS Queen and
just make like a sound and then go in
your
room uh let me see Clemens pleaded
guilty to simple assault and other
charges Tuesday May 25th intentionally
vomiting on a man a police officer and
his 11-year-old daughter wow oh so he
was a police officer at the game he
wasn't like getting arrested wonder how
much time they gave him crime ciders
offering to buy vomit man a satellite
dish to discourage him from going to any
more games a satellite
dish Fu he's going to be
pumped vomit man getting a hold of a
satellite this let me buy you something
from the past you
know he got 30 to 90 day days in jail
and two years of probation oh did he wow
damn also quick update the Eric Adams
video was from 2011 when he's a senator
it went reviral Sor doing that is KFC
posted it on bar stool yeah check inside
of your son's baseball bat man he could
be hiding a couple of Viking in
there it's ridiculous you know
look under your little daughter's pillow
she could have some uh hookers or
escorts under there like what check
under the bed found you a under
there
yeah hey you oh you think that's a boogy
man under your son's bed that's some
Boogie that's a that's an
escort right there the khakis are so
nice in that video khakis and a blazer
just there could be bullets in there oh
you think that's a stuffed ludicrous
doll but open up its back and boom what
do you got a balloon of crystal and a
couple of Naran
chewables um what were we talking about
dude vomit man oh yeah you moved here I
did yeah you moved here since we last
talked to you yeah you made a big move
so like um cuz you moved from New York
yeah wow and was there part of you that
was kind of scared was there like what
were you thinking cuz I mean I've
thought about it you know and and a lot
of people have done it you know no I'd
come down here a lot because you know do
Rogan's podcast do podcast down here do
comedy so I've been down here enough so
I wasn't worried about like living here
I was worried
about uh Comics being like ah he
left New York he's trying to
suck Rogan's dick that that was like I
was like that's gonna happen I know that
uh no I was excited Matt was excited
about it so I knew I had Matt coming
down with me and then we brought our
other friends and it's good yeah yeah
yeah I uh and ta taxes are oh yeah yeah
butt New York dude yeah it's crazy
it's great yeah and uh oh what's that in
your daughter's bedroom what's that in
the case oh that's extra taxes that's
what tax dude that's taxes and a couple
of SAS bro like damn lot of taxes up
there oh it's crazy it's extra I think
14% what's the state tax rate in New
York City up there Zachary I think it's
uh 10. oh he's guessing what is it no
I'm not guessing I got
here
4% to 10.9% you see here wow because Los
Angeles is 13 I think per I was Hing
around that 4% range for a while when I
lived in New York and then you probably
moved up into at least that
6.85% yes yeah yeah dude so that's kind
of crazy so you moved yeah like yeah I
think some people say that they're like
oh do you want to move there because
Rogan's there because Dylan's there it
seems like the new thing and I think
yeah I kind of maybe I don't know if I
had some fear I I don't know I don't
know if I had fear of that you
definitely think oh people think you're
just yeah you're just riding that guy's
wiener you know yeah somebody F yeah I
mean um but also he's like I would say
if I was still in New York somebody else
moved here be like
couldn't take it I'd do the same thing
so yeah come back and pay these high
taxes pay these taxes live in a
hole in New York
yeah um but no I just want to move to a
place where you could do standup during
the week and forever it was just New
York and La that's true now now you can
do it in Nashville and Austin does it
feel well Nashville you cannot oh really
yeah you cannot it's not the same I will
I'll say that 100% it is not the same as
what the it feels like here yeah like
even just going over to um the
mothership it's like you can do three
sets in a night probably yeah you can do
you can do four every single time
there's usually two shows in the small
room two in the wow main room I mean
that's CRA you do four sets a night yeah
four sets a night in the same building
you can go do I mean that's that's
unprecedented you it's changing what's
nice is watching like like mccusker cuz
he was in Philly where you can't do that
and now he's been living here just a few
months and he's he's got he's gotten so
good really just from doing yeah he can
do it every night yeah I met him last
night or I met him uh at your yeah I met
him at your podcast I met his wife too
yeah Britney is her name yeah yeah yeah
yeah she got he gots a beautiful little
wife she's great
um yeah dude I think having that much
ability to get up is is it starts to
change you you're like oh I just
practiced it it didn't go in there let
me let me try it you're like right there
you get to bomb four times yeah take it
on the road and be like I'm not going to
change anything it's still not
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what has been like did you find a house
immediately how did you find a house
down here uh I just just had a lady a
real estate lady I was like I just need
a house that's furnished cuz I don't
have anything yeah so she first house
she picked out I was like that's it oh
yeah and I didn't see it until I moved
in nuh-uh it was nice yeah I moved in I
was like it's nice oh it's like
that show where you meet your wife the
first time yeah like Indians yeah that's
crazy dude bro because here's the
craziest part about that getting married
like that is you what if you know your
parents are lames dude like
they've been picking out for you
for Christmas
and they pick out like horrible I
don't know there's also the the the forc
marriage is kind of nice though cuz if I
like an ugly chick MH I'm like damn
people are going to find out about this
you know what I mean right now if it's
just like dude I had to you know what I
mean it's like my parents made me
this chick forever I don't care it's
girl's a girl D yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah dude oh I got it yeah it's like
being on a desert island oh I gotta tell
people next time down there what's that
I'm saying like if you're stuck on a
desert island you're going to you
know it's like this is who I'm with I
have to yeah there's no judgment here oh
yeah or like Epstein's
Island yeah you know if you're on island
you got all whatever my bad it's not I
think look let's talk about it if you're
on an island you have to Fu and there's
a lot of young people running around and
you're the only adult yeah what are you
going to do dude what are you going to
do come on man this way you need to
check through your
child check through your child's in
books easily in there they could have a
couple ninja stars and a bear trap that
guy's out of his mind that's
good
stuff um yeah dude uh what were we
talking
about was it
Island yeah we're talking about you
buying a house unseen yeah yeah that's
Brave I was the thing I was most worried
about was the television M cuz I thought
it was like they I thought they were
going to hit me with like the Airbnb
pictures like you get there and you're
like a this house sucks TV's big
right so I'm good oh that's good H we're
set thank God it's furnished I would
have never I'd never furnish it really
yeah I have one folding chair in front
of the TV yeah yeah yeah my house was
furnished when I got my house thank God
and uh and then who told me oh Tom sigur
told me in this room he said hey man you
got to start getting some art for
yourself you have to get something you
like because it really does start to
change the way that you think about your
own home Tom Tom's becoming like the
Jay-Z of stand up like you got to invest
in art
yeah he's got art he's got sneakers he's
got uh yamar uh what the car is called
the fastest one McLaren McLaren is that
it yeah that's wild to me I think I
would be scared to be like real rich I
wouldn't know how to do it I bet you're
all right oh I think I'm I'm okay having
more money for sure but I think if I
tried to be real Rich I just don't know
how I would I don't know what I would
spend money on you
know like would you get a super fast car
um no I don't I'm afraid to drive fast
yeah yeah I think yeah I just don't know
what I would get probably guns probably
a couple you got to get guns Yeah couple
for your neighbors couple for you yeah
give them out yeah you don't want to
shoot at your neighbors hide them in
your kids room your neighbor kids room
start planting guns oh damn
what's this behind this child's bathing
suit right there it's an AR15 yeah
oh that's a oh you think that's a the
most dangerous gun in the world yeah you
think that's a water weapon that's a
AR15 right there with some blood on it
no I get I understand Tom though he's
doing I mean he's got he's he's got
money why should you know oh I think
there's he knows how to spend it yeah I
just wonder what yeah I guess I hadn't
really thought about what I would spend
what I would buy like if I bought myself
something nice you know have you started
to think I mean well you got yourself a
house yeah I rented it yeah yeah I
didn't buy yeah but that's nice yeah
that's nice yeah I don't know hot air
balloon or something cool be
nice those are scary though I'd rather
go fast than get one of those yeah but
if you really Master the art of it I got
a buddy that used to fly one and he
could that would show the
up H hold on you see these things
crash huh dude they come down on power
lines and it's so funny yeah if you
don't know what you're doing yeah I
think you got to get one of those D yeah
pull up some crashes huh you got to pull
up and some of them run on diesel I
think huh they catch fire too yeah yeah
it's scary what's that in your
four-year-old's bedroom a hot air
balloon
H oh look at this coming in
hot oh some guy in his son H hang on
hang
on hang on
Tater balloon
crash the wind's picked up sometimes if
people have a really thick Sun they'll
name their nickname is always like a
starchy food you ever noticed that yeah
come on Tater T get it done cake pop
that's
yeah yeah get in there pancake batter
they'll call
them it's my son pancake batter come on
batter get in the truck dude we're going
to fly a balloon just
Hang On Pop hang on cake pop hang on
cake pop cake pop
NOP dude and you know one of their
family members definitely shot that
down in the distance dude that's
also a risk dude anyone could shoot you
down anonymously dude you can take those
things out you'll never get caught yeah
pull that up man anonymously shoots down
hot your balloons watch there's like
2,000 videos of that get a Confederate
flag air balloon oo that'd be cool huh
yeah let it fly get a Target go tough
huh yeah go tough on them see who see
who wants to shoot it down you
dude fly past like uh like the
uh Bou classic or something every year
get him fired
up but dude I will say this if you hang
one speaker out of it playing do the
stanky leg everybody will let it go
by people will be like oh all right oh
there we go Civil War yeah they had them
yeah what were the hot air balloons used
during the Civil War for they would just
use it
surveillance oh it's spy plane I think
Napoleon used them first really maybe
not first but he was he was using it's
like bums with drones like we were
talking about yeah i' Scar the out
of you if the other side had that both
the union and Confederacy used hot air
balloons for reconnaissance to help
determine the location of troops and
artillery this innovation in aerial
Warfare was a Trailblazer for for it
time as it took place 42 years before
the invention of the airplane
wow but dude imagine that starts
going down near the enemy oh
can't turn it just hang
on hold on cake pop cake pop
No god dude that kind of shit's just
heartbreaking no hot air
balloons you can't get you don't want
one of those but imagine you run outside
you in one huh yeah I've been one really
yeah I've been in one uh I was with my
buddy's dad when we were kids he like
proposed to this lady in one dude and
yeah and she said no and so then we're
like well what the we're that's a
tough rest of the trip yeah and we were
trying not to like act excited cuz we're
in there because he we could tell like
he was bummed out it's tough to be
bummed out on like the ledge of a hot
air like looking away from them
like trying to be sad oh it was sad dude
and that guy's always he's been sad
since then there's a lot of videos of
him online and he's always listening to
that song um there goes my hero watch
him as he goes just seeing his old self
just being like that that's the man I
used to be yeah Tiffany was his
girlfriend's name and she's like I don't
think so that's how she said it we're
like what the
it's like yeah and it was like 70
more minutes we had to spend up there
yeah long cuz the tour guy I think he
didn't really play know what was going
on so he just kept giving us the tour of
like oh no yeah
oh it's like that to just makes you
wonder what's going on yeah I think that
people up like when you're
supposed to be happy like a cool like a
hot air balloon or like yeah that kid
jumping off the cruise ship like
having something like that was supposed
to be fun and good get horribly ruined
yeah that kid was from Baton Rouge
Louisiana I don't know if we talked
about that last time we were together
but maybe that kid was good top he was
just partying and he jumped off and
never seen again check this out
yeah but the craziest is people were
like that's a shark there's like one
little piece of like water and it just
looks like some white and like definite
shark people make like comments like
that online oh quick for a shark to
munch him that quick if impossible I
feel like they take their time right
well also the odds of shark is going to
be right there at that moment I do think
sharks follow cruise
ships Serge called off oh that's the
toughest oh that's
yeah
bye oh saying bye-bye to him oh that's
the worst you got to regret that you
know dude something like that happened
to me man it was when we had a guy who
fell on a basketball court and died when
we were kids and when he fell I yelled
out like Reggie Lewis remember there was
that guy Reggie Lewis that had died no
Reggie Lewis look him up if you can
Reggie
Lewis
uh that's him right there Reginald C
Lewis was an american professional
basketball player for the
NBA Boston Celtics that was it beautiful
man right there and he collapsed on the
court who was there was another guy that
did that too that was like a I think it
was BJ
Armstrong maybe is your famous
um Keon Johnson no no no don't just name
a black guy Johnson no there's some yeah
but but it happens to people but yeah
this happened to him and so we thought
this guy just fallen down tripped and so
I remember yelling that out Reggie Lewis
and then they tried to revive him and he
died oh no I didn't Jinx him that's
insane to say toed him dude I can't
believe you put that
on I didn't Jinx him sounds look up if I
jinxed him or
not I don't think you jinxed him yeah
that's heartbreaking though I'm sorry
that I did that um how's it have you
felt good about moving here now once you
moved here was it kind of like different
or was it different than you thought
like what are some things that were kind
of cool about it I don't know it's I you
know you know when you move I was sad
for like a week oh really yeah I was by
myself it was scary I was used to having
I was used to live in apartments
I lived in Philly and New York the last
decade so I was like there's usually
somebody around
now I was out there by myself I got
scared for a while I was scared really I
get scared at night noises yeah yeah you
think it's a noise and he says you
farted just waking myself up with
farts the was
that uh yeah I mean I was scared for a
while yeah I would I was emotional I
would cry during movies when I was at at
night by myself oh yeah yeah uh so
that's what you have to look forward to
scary and you cry that's it oh that's
just think that's just part of the
American condition these days then oh
you're fine then yeah that was all um
yeah because I think I thought I don't
know if I thought naille would be a
busier comedy scene I I I didn't think
that um because they just have one Club
it's like a functioning Club there right
it's like they have a a headliner flies
in every weekend so they they help you
as much as they can but they just don't
have as much space you know um and then
there's not a lot as many other rooms
around the area but here it's like yeah
it feels like you could go we met a guy
last night he done like five spots you
know yeah you can do that here it's like
wow yeah I mean that's crazy to think
you could do that in a city I mean there
was never maybe Chicago you could do
that in maybe I don't know New York
obviously you can yeah la la definitely
those are the two yeah but that was yeah
I don't
know um but yeah you can do it if you
want yeah
yeah all right this is going well this
is going well um what else we got I'm
trying to think of other uh horrible
deaths I can think of oh D you what
about that there was something I was
looking at the other day it was a um
pull up that what's that Death Page on
Twitter where they have a lot of deaths
on there it's an animal I might have
even sent it to you the other day oh
history photographed we were looking at
this picture uh back in the day they had
to hang an elephant oh there you go to
just read the C this just to look at the
judicial system in the world right
so this elephant right the hanging of
Mary the ele elephant also known as
murderous Mary I guess a bad elephant
was publicly executed for killing her
Handler in 1916 it was meant to be a
warning to other criminal
elephants
so there
go so it just you got to think the
judicial abilities of human beings is
always why
but I guess if you're another elephant
you gotta be
like yeah I see what's going on here
yeah these mother mean business cut uh I
mean the idea though yeah the guy who
was likeing hang that
everyone else is probably
shoot it in the
head behind closed doors we'll just
we'll be done with this elephant like
behind a huge closed door doing we got
to make an example of this yeah yeah not
this murderous marry not this have
you seen what she's fing doing she
probably did some pretty crazy yeah
this Drank 200 gallons ofing water I uh
I had a friend who's uh a friend of
their mother's was like a big elephant
Advocate like was like she was a rich
lady so she was like save the elephant
oh yeah rich people do that man that was
her cause and then she fin kids hate
them so they save rare animals so then
she was like all right she went to
Africa to like her first trip to meet
the elephants and one of them killed her
oh killed her
dude and they don't I don't think people
no this about elephant they don't kill
you it's not fun dude they don't it's
they ground you they use their face and
mush you into the ground oh yeah it's
like when you see people do like um the
stone ground uh yeah into the flower and
stuff yeah I just like they're Artisan
chefs elephants are they are they'll
grind you up oh that's heartbreaking
elephant kills oh this is a different
one but yes this is also incredible damn
whoa hold on this is awesome is elephant
a euphemism for somebody because let's
go back and read this elephant kills
woman and returns to her funeral
elephant kills woman and returns to her
funeral to attacker corpse
wow o odisha India bizarre animal
stories are heard often Maya meru was
collecting water in ripi village located
in the me
B my Bahan District of odisha India when
a herd of elephants came her way she
tried to flee but one of them rushed her
oh that's heartbreaking
man let me see at the ceremony was taken
place the times video reported that a
herd of elephants appeared from the
force sending villagers running they
left meu's body behind wow she had a
liquid death
what one of the elephants did reportedly
attacked the woman's Court by picking up
the body and throwing it in the
air
wow thankfully there's a video should I
play it yeah I don't know let's take a
vote in the
room I mean it's all right I'm not
everybody said yes
yeah that's
good I didn't want to do
[Laughter]
it oh man oh this is just after the
aftermath yeah I don't think they I
don't think
oh that'd be the worst I think if the
element came in your house that'd be up
there cuz even if you go in another room
it can just come right in there yeah
it's not like it has to use the door you
know that' be so hectic man I mean
especially like at your mom's funeral
yeah you're like there's that
that did it yeah he's
coming back to everybody else up
too
mhm you think he could do a big crime
like that do a big murder I I don't
think I could murder I don't think well
now you think it's just an empty bottle
of Prime on your child's window sill
well open it up and Bam that's some
homemade lean topped off with a little
mini cache of nerve gas who was that for
dude that's Eric
yeah who's K was that Hunter
Biden's room yeah that's crazy but yeah
that actually was yeah oh what's this
here that's a My Little Pony no that's a
my little F and all stash
yeah um what else can we talk about dude
I don't know that's about as good as it
gets though hot air balloons yeah
elephants but if you could do a
murder or not man yeah I know God
wouldn't want me to do it that would be
the thing yeah he would be like don't do
it
buddy and I would be like I'm not gonna
and then I would maybe sneak I swear I'm
not going to do it hit under the table
so God can't see little greo little Han
Solo they should have tables that are
like God resistant or whatever like
whatever happens under here you know
yeah um I remember a girl let me feel
her back one time at the library we're
kind of horny children or whatever yeah
I guess she didn't want me touching her
breast whatever I think maybe I don't I
didn't even know what was going on but
back's good she's like you can feel on
my back back's real good and that extra
man we just feeling her back I'm going
to be a back man now that you mention it
nice huh rubbing a lady's back
it's one big flat long
tit yeah that's all the back is you say
yeah you know yeah let me get that flat
let me get the small the small of the
back put your hand there you got holy
dud if you touched one the small of
her back and her body her she it felt
warmer there you're like I don't know
you know it like she was baking cookies
in her butt or something yeah it felt
always war or there you know what I'm
talking about it is warm yeah like whoa
what am I doing down here I remember the
first time a girl let me touch a small
her back and had some hair on it right
cuz her dad was really
tough and I was like I don't care I'll
pet this girl yeah I don't mind
I will pet this I'm in
love girls sometimes girls have really
hairy butts really yeah I think
naturally girls sometimes have I think
they have to they have to work on that I
don't some of them get like man's ass I
don't think they do dude I don't think
these are unless I'm getting
tricked you're getting tricked by some
of that that ass search girl hairy ass
girl yeah bring something up we have
blockers on a lot of our stuff but if
you can get around some of it maybe on
Twitter are you allowed to show hair I
was looking for a picture but read this
top Reddit
post my girlfriend has a lot of hair on
her ass how do I approach this great
question let's let's review this do you
have problem is that her is very
hairy this is on ask women by the way
the
subd if it bothers you so much you can't
be with her because of it you have to
straight up tell her about it why is she
getting all ratchet all a suddenly
somebody just reported hair she's like
you got to straight up tell her about it
period honey your hairy disturbs
me here's the actual post but I think
you're um my girlfriend is beautiful and
she does a great job of manicuring her
lady bits the problem is that her
and they wrote it like that is
very hairy it's kind of a turnoff when
I'm down there a few would wouldn't
bother me but this is a lot more than a
few
oh how did you all start taking care of
your nether regions did you read about
it in a magazine or you just do it
naturally how should I approach this
topic with her without getting her upset
start getting those magazines laying
them around yeah she's taking a hairy
ass you can leave one in the
bathroom e dude hairy butt
ladies you hary butt I know starting to
bother me again
dude I don't know if I would mind a
little hair like on the hips probably I
just think the actual cheeks if there
were hair on them the crack dude not the
cheeks like a man's like an Italian
man's ass God damn dude like a
Jewish Sideburn down there huh yeah
getting in her Jewish tunnels you see
them coming out of tunnels what oh oh
the
or bring that up dude Jew it's better
they're getting some bad PR lately and
that's this might be the worst one guy
came out all right this is I swear to
God I'm not being anti-semitic a dude
Jewish dude coming out of a sord grate
in New York oh yeah it defit a video of
that and it's a New York synagogue
erupted into a chaos Monday night let's
play a bit of it all right that is tough
to address though I know we're moving on
to Jews and tunnels but well well let's
finish it out then ass woman let's
finish out then we'll go to this because
I think well I think the tough well some
people they make hair on their bodies to
survive cold weather can you look that
up Zach you know what I'm talking about
I think yeah I think that's what it airs
for yeah so sometimes you don't want to
have a wife that can't survive if you
know you don't want to put the AC at 60
always cold yeah yeah you don't want to
put AC at 64 one night and then she
she's dead in the
morning you know it's a good trade-off
would you accept your girl to never
complain about being cold but
she has to have a hairy ass or she
complains every single day now
what if it were like stuffed animal hair
that would be kind of fun that would be
nice that I agree with but I'm telling
you I've seen videos D these girls have
Italian man's ass like long hair
like dude it looks like a dude's
ass pull up something oh no oh my
god well that's more than I've ever seen
but oh wow that's a lot
huh and you can't see this video on the
audio but there's just a black girl
watching it with her mouth open the same
face we're all make yeah oh my God all
right holy
dude wow I'm telling you dude they have
Greek man's ass wow and what who has
that who has the most hair on their ass
is
it I haven't found a culture I would say
Russ look that up and what do you do how
do you approach that you
Mediteranean how do you approach that
with a woman I don't know how I would
never but you you've obviously dealt
with it no and South Asian descender
reported have a relatively high amount
of body hair Mediterranean Mediterranean
Middle Eastern and South Asian
descent wow yeah I think God I just
because the crazy thing see if you feel
down her butt and then you feel some
hair
there but you have to still be hopeful
for you know I just think yeah what do
you do yeah I don't know how to address
my friend was talking to me about
addressing his he was afraid his
girlfriend was gaining weight and he was
like so I told her and I was like damn I
would never I would let her get fat and
then resent her and break up with her
yeah also who am I to criticize but you
know you know I think a lot of people do
that a lot of people oh I was even if
they're not gaining weight or whatever I
think I was in I stayed with a girl just
because I hated her so much
once I was like well if if you if I if I
let you go you might find happiness I'm
going to make sure you're
miserable too isn't that horrible and I
feel horrible about that but I was young
and I was just that kind of you
know I didn't know how to operate or be
a decent human at all but yeah pull up
that ass again buddy oh
yeah it's the other cheek that gets you
cuz that cheek's already almost
done I love how one of the black girls
eyes keeps closing more she watches more
of it
dude oh that's crazy man God yeah but
then but then I bet here now we'll say
this Shane think about it a long time
ago 1300s fours or whenever early right
and you get a woman and she has hair on
her bet it feels good I bet it does feel
good you
know that's good now if you're a
freak and you start petting it a little
I some of it is how you approach it I
could see that you're like a let me pet
this little hair hair
butt that's nice twist it up a
little yeah hey let me get a little in
yank it real hard which you do expected
that's
fun that's fun dude dude I got hair like
on my legs and I've been running a lot
bro and it starts to get tangled up and
I'm like what the heck that's been
pretty challenging do you wish you'd
learned how to manage money in school I
do God I didn't you know I was keeping
up my money and my dang underpant drawer
and all of that I forgot to cash checks
I need had to cash them and so I had
dang 40 checks and the pizza place I
worked at went out of business and I
lost a lot of that money but it's hard
it's hard if you don't know about money
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to you bu better help you know uh a new
year and and a new beginning people say
that kind of stuff a lot sometimes you
need a new beginning with yourself you
know sometimes I find my relationship
with myself has gotten kind of stale I
don't investigate it I don't look at it
and I don't really kind of aim to fix
some of the things that I know could
help me help me feel better really
better help is an opportunity to take a
better look at yourself via therapy if
you're thinking of starting therapy give
better help a try it's entirely online
designed to be convenient flexible and
suited to your schedule just fill out a
brief questionnaire to get matched with
a licensed therapist and switch
therapist at any time for no additional
charge and if you if you don't if you're
if you're not getting something out of
your therapy then I recommend trying to
switch therapist you can always go back
it's something that I I wish I had done
uh sometimes and I didn't celebrate the
progress you've already made by VIs
visiting betterhelp.com
EO today to get 10% off your first month
that's better
hp.com Theo but yeah bring up those Jews
again man what were they
doing yeah so I guess NYPD on Monday
busted like a secret meeting they I
guess they had been building secret
tunnels underneath through what the
financial
system I mean this is worst case for the
Jewish people not not worse they yeah
but not even the worst thing in the last
few but all right this is crazy
man they do get after it oh they're
crazy look at this one dude they get
after it this one that popped out of the
floor right there po out of nowhere and
he's D biggie walls look at that dude
you see him don't flip the pews Brothers
oh they it's just hectic man do you see
how comfortable that guy was
walking the plank yeah bro these people
they were fine with this or this is
Orthodox Jewish group group man this
incident let me read the article so the
incident began Monday afternoon after a
cement truck was sent to the kabad luich
world headquarters known as the 770 due
to its address in Crown Heights
according to uh Co live the truck was
ordered to fill up an underground tunnel
that had run from the main synagogue to
a now closed building next door the
outlet
reported first reports of the tunnel
surface in late 2023 after homeowner had
called authorities about of suspicious
noises in his neighborhood and that's
drling isn't it I think think of hearing
noises under your
house Jewish guys it's just somebody
listening to modest
Yahoo like hey what's going on you can't
tell anyone you can't be like dude I
swear to God there's Jews under my
house dude I know there's Jews
down there no one's going to believe you
yeah they're like dude you mean you need
to put down the internet Jews
aren't everywhere like that you mean
underwriting your morgage or what are
you talking about they're like no they
no they're in there I hear them
they
whisper however following excavation of
a trench for the project um
simultaneously a construction project
was in progress to install new Plumbing
in the
770 um however following excavation the
underground tunnel had been discovered
the tunnel had reportedly been worked on
during nights for an unknown amount of
time stretching the tunnel to a next
door building women's section Ah that's
nice yeah meet me in the tunnel
babe that's good that's crazy dude and
that's Orthodox Jew is that Orthodox
Jewish people it appears so yes those
people are wild man we had a garbage man
on right and from New York and he said
the worst
people that he came across were Orthodox
Jewish people dude New York he said the
kids would come out and tell him to just
go himself and flip him off dude
they look at them getting rowdy with the
they were getting rowdy during Co I
think I heard maybe those tunnels were
so they could continue to go to
synagogue during during Co
they locked that down right that's what
you know that's what the media is saying
well that right right by the media we
mean them so here's the guy coming out
of the grade look the guy coming out of
the grade is one of the most
anti-Semitic things I've ever seen in my
life dude oh
wow oh no where is this guy going dude
to get a rebate yeah that's insane
coming out of the Great bro they started
pepper spraying them and pepper spray is
not Kosher I don't think look it up
there's going to be some losses but no
we had a go we had a garbage man he said
that for some reason those people were
like kind of the coldest to him what did
he say Zach he he mentioned that the
kids would with his truck and he
hated going there that was the main
thing and he also just said they were
rude and also was is the new year they
throw all their out every year oh
yeah that was part of it too I think so
there's probably some anger from him
because they had to pick up so much
stuff like they do like a cleansing I
guess I gu say like it's part of
tradition to like reset everything when
the new year like throw everything out
and buy new so like that day of the year
he would they said they would just go up
and down the same street all goes
against some
stereotypes yeah you know that's true
yeah getting all new stuff man um but
they had this is this they had a group
in I don't know if it was in New York it
was like Orthodox Jewish people they
would move into a neighborhood bring the
value of the neighborhood down and then
um buy up the other places and then
bring it back
up there was some law again uh it was
like a lawsuit that they
made or something um
anyway uh it's touchy subject but
there's no denying that there's tunnels
that is funny oh yeah it is there's
nothing we can do about you know we're
not trying to be oh I don't think we're
being bad people or anything because the
yeah these guys popped up out of a
tunnel anybody out tunnel so
fun it's funny when you
ever see the video Chapo Escape in
prison it's great anybody going in and
out of a tunnel is
hilarious he goes into a tunnel like
behind a toilet he just escapes did you
see the one there's like some guy in his
trailer right and a methhead comes up
through just like the vent in the floor
that he has like you know and it's like
looking for something it's so startling
and the guy's like what in the are
you doing in here somebody coming out
coming out of the floor is so
scary cuz they're not going to come out
like smiling they're going to come
out holy it's a bunch of
Ninja Turtles dude oh is this it yeah
Choo you find the time is right Super
Mario is right
out he's gone dude he's gone
[Music]
wow you have me you got to make it
Mexican
somehow I don't know how to do it um um
get that's wild dude bro how SI how fun
would that be to break out of prison
though awesome how would you do it you
think you're big no tunnels yeah you get
stuck yeah I think I'm in there I think
I'm stuck dude I think got go to
jail I'm in jail there's no getting out
man yeah I can't get out
laundry basket's too small yeah but
Warden you big boss man you look like
the big boss man I mean obviously you're
going to play him in a bio uh bio pick
biopic uh no I think I'm in there how
are you getting out damn God damn
it God damn it
dude
so and look this goes back to no you
dare fade that you just zoom in on
that big with the one you already have
that's biggest please if you don't mind
let's just get a gander at this
fella oh Shane I get it get out there
bro that's your hot air balloon of
success right there jump on that
yeah oh was that going the wrong way
yeah I do that all the time so nice if
I'm feeling bad at the at the gym or at
home mostly at home it's time D that was
some Brazilian barber shop and they keep
tagging me and really with some kid
that kid was
Brazilian for those you don't know Shane
put like a uh he he saw this hand signal
what is it was great uh my friend Billy
sent it to me and then I sent it to a g
Davis who plays for the bills and it's
just a hand signal on Tik Tok ofid funny
ass just a chubby kid doing a funny he
was actually I didn't realize it it was
a barber shop so he was showing off his
fade oh that's what the next scene is so
the first scene is him
going and then it cuts to him with his
new
haircut it was fun Gabe Davis did it
yeah shout out to the boy Gabriel but
yeah it is a nice thing to do it feels
feels good what does just doing
that first thought so you hit up Gabe
Davis and he says okay this is crazy
I'll do it how many times did you hit up
Gabe Davis a lot okay I talked to him a
lot but I didn't I didn't think he was
actually ever going to do it going to do
it yeah and you said you got to do this
it'll be good yeah and he was like yeah
I'll do it and I was like I don't know
like I figured the adrenaline of scoring
a touchdown would he'd forget take over
yeah especially that that was a nice
play he remembered for me wow what a
sweet man bro how good did you feel when
he did this I was Str right here I was
so happy I was so i' I don't
it's probably the happiest I've been in
a long time oh defin like jumped off my
couch I was like did it oh you got to
vomit on somebody's kid when that
happens yeah there's no kids around I
would have I almost went to the tunnels
I went down there and puked in the
tunnels sprayed them out
yeah what the were those guys doing
those tunnels it's New York too like you
don't need everything's pretty close
probably just hunting square footage
dude to be honest that's AIG
thing like this could be another six
square
feet um that's crazy but that
had to be unbelievable dude I think
there's just something crazy if you can
have an influence on Sports cuz sports
are such like this like it just feels
like such this guess every man wants to
do it yeah you know you give anything to
be able to run and catch it yeah you
know and you just can't you know can't
there's no part of me that can do
it yeah I wonder how I'd get out of
prison
probably I'd first of all I'd go in as a
woman and good people like you ain't no
woman that's what somebody say me
like what Chappelle did that oh
you'd have to punch woman right out the
gate right Chappelle does that he's like
I'm going to go to jail as a woman and
he's like first day I'm like give me
that fruit cup like just his act
out fisted up is so
funny but these days you can't say I
guess you're not a woman you know well
here's what I think they should do and I
thought about this a lot like especially
I don't understand why mixed martial
arts doesn't start with a
um a trans
division yeah it'd be awesome yeah
because it's like then you can Champion
these trans Fighters you can let them
Embrace and share what it's like cuz
otherwise you're just kind of hodg
podging them in yeah you know and then
it's a lot of dudes if they really want
to go play ball they're GNA have to go
play ball you can't just you know simp
over to the woman's side yeah you know
and be bringing your hair but
over there to the lady section
you gotta actually like if they had a
trans Division I would pay I feel like I
would pay $4 extra a month to see the
the trans bouts or you know I feel like
it would be it'd be
unprecedented it'd be fun yeah it is
yeah it's I like to see him in the
women's sports you do I yeah some man in
there yeah just
up it's great D but here's what
they they should though on the TV it
should every now and then to say have an
arrow say this is a man they need to
start doing like uh Monday Night
Football intros for every female sport
oh you can tell you know what I mean
it's like hi I'm Mary I went to
UCLA
Frank
Purdue oh yeah oh that's the that's the
one there I wonder he's got 48 points in
the first half yeah he's like Rick
Women's College of
design Wes layan you're like what that
that that Cal yeah
that is a hair butt that's a hair butt
people don't talk about that those are
yeah postgame showers with the with the
god see that would be that is a reason I
think I would go experiment with
transing or whatever because you get to
get in those showers
dude but I bet in some of the sports
it's it's not that rewarding I'm sure in
some of the sports you know you think I
think some of those female locker rooms
I I wouldn't be too excited as much like
if I got into like college volleyball if
I could trick my way into that that'd be
a good shower for them I mean for me it
would be that's literally a nightmare me
naked in front of a college
volleyball team is a nightmare you'd
have to be so embarrassed but you'd have
to get your breast Pierce probably to
like at least blend you know cuz some of
the chicks are tough nowadays and then
you'd probably have to draw on a little
more tit or use like a shadowing cream
tit side I'd be okay but the having just
a tiny in there would probably th
you know call it a long
now we're talking and they're
women you could trick them yeah be like
oh I guess he has
long yeah well people have been tricking
Prett year that's crazy easy to it's
like a a heart's husband he bought her
that plane do you know that no he bought
the plane a lot of people don't know
that so yeah I guess that makes sense
what are we doing
here oh man what else can we talk about
dude anything else in the News
Zach yeah you were talking about this
earlier you've brought this up before
Consumer Reports found widespread
presence of plastics and food oh yeah
well dude that's what they said you know
they had that article we've talked about
this before this says the the nonprofit
consumer group said on Thursday that 84
out of
85 super supermarket foods and fast
foods that recently tested contain
plasticizers known
as phalates phalates
a chemical used to make plastic more
durable I've heard phalates a lot lately
or however you say it phthalates
yeah I've heard people saying it a lot
but yeah I never understood what it was
well this is one of the issues that say
um it says phthalates and VI B vice vice
bisphenols can disrupt the production
and regulation of estrogen and other
hormones potentially boosting the risk
of birth defects cancer diabetes
infertility neurodevelopment disorders
obesity and other health
problems bastards got me dude I do fail
they got it dude no wonder they're
running off through the tunnels dude
they got us bro it's over bro but that's
when you think about this right that the
stuff that we're eating and if there's
so much contamination just like in the
land in the water that's what's making
like people sick um um what else
ADHD uh genetic disorders all kinds of
stuff like Bobby Kennedy talks about
that about how many things are linked to
it you know that he thinks anyway we
might have got in under the buzzer you
and me were we were the last now all the
kids have it oh dude we right on the
board I think we both got it something
but not the whole thing everybody you
meet has a autistic child now yeah it's
unbelievable yeah you know it's almost
um you know and people nicknames here's
our this is our little ring cam they
call them or something you know like
because a lot of them are really like
perceptive you know but they don't
really say much um yeah that's
unbelievable but that's why I wanted to
come out sometimes I think about what if
we made like a product or something that
we knew wouldn't have that in it like
what if we just said hey we want to sell
you this water yeah and we promise your
kid will not have
autism we promise autism free water cuz
as a country we would like to say at the
very
least you deserve to have autism free
water now we're talking now that's a
business although I do think we are
going to need autistic kids oh yeah I
mean yeah when the future is all just
technology and we're going to cyber war
with China we're going to want
those guys yeah we're going to need them
yeah you know what I mean oh definitely
yeah I think well a lot of the business
is now run by like people that some
people say could have some autism you
know a lot of there's a lot of
speculation that Jeff Bezos has it
Zuckerberg Bezos musk Zuckerberg
definitely yeah musk um yeah certainly
seems like he has some who else dude
Dennis Allen that coaches the Saints
yeah um who
else I'm not sure pretty Eric
Adams has got it oh
Eric got something
oh that's that guy definitely got it huh
oh you look peep through your child's
lunchable oh you think that's just a
small stack of ham no look under there
that's a gram of methan pamin like damn
Eric there's a party in that kid's room
every time that kid is running a
ra that kid lives in Las Vegas dude um
do you think about moving back from here
you think you're settled in you're good
I I don't know I don't think I live here
forever but yeah I like it here yeah
what that's just a big I don't yeah I I
don't know I'll probably move home to
like outside of Philly wow yeah
eventually yeah yeah I like it up there
the brotherly City huh mhm cly a
brotherly um it depends yeah it depends
how shitty things are in the next 10
years yeah what do you think the next 10
years of life is like in in in in uh
America do you think it gets bad I I
don't know yeah the
bums somebody's got to fix this problem
I don't know what it is which problem
the bums dude oh the bums there's a lot
of bums yeah I say arm them that's where
I'm at and send them yeah and send them
all towards the big like businesses
that's what I would do
oh is that crazy that's messed up no no
no give them guns tell them not guns I
wouldn't say oh you well even worse like
machetes and no what type of what
type of arms something if they're well
behaved it turns into a
weapon so like yeah like a bow staff
that has maybe a blade on the end but
and they have to put both hands on it
and it can tell if you're being good or
not you test your heart rate if it's too
high you're not getting it yeah yeah
know you need low heart
rate Warriors first of all I don't like
using the term bums okay I like using
the
term boots on the ground those are boots
on the ground Heroes of society and
stepdads yes so you're talking giving
Ninja Turtle weapons to homeless guys
let just see what happens oh I'm talking
give him the the Donatello eye
uh the eye um what's it called um rag
for your eyes like a thing that holds
your eyes in but it doesn't it's like a
Zoro mask yeah Zoro mask that would be
good and lead them they're gonna need
leaders you could do it you think I
could lead the bums yeah get you a horse
horse would be bit they would respect a
horse they're like the
Aztecs mean just a guy on a horse they
be like this guy he's a
god somebody rolls up on a horse yeah
definitely yeah I'm just they are
impervious to a lot of damage
horses no the uh well horses but
homeless people yeah they get
walk through tasers well they've been
infected by so much they battled so many
things we got tased after a show in uh
shreport and uh and here's the crazy
part I I I I started doing comedy in
Louisiana and so we go to sometimes
Street Port and afterwards this was for
15 years ago they'd say hey man we'll
tase you if you want you know the cops
would come up and tase people in the bar
because there's just not a lot of like
uh nighti yeah so here I am 15 years
later shows over we're sitting around
with a couple of officers and one of
them goes um with a couple of off-duty
police people yeah and one of them goes
hey man we'll tase you if you want and I
was like no way you guys are
still doing that and they lit us
all up we got it together as a group in
locked arms or whatever like a Harvey
Milk kind of thing and then they um lit
us up how it feel it hurt you know it's
not as bad as you would think at all at
all it's definitely a little bit of a
surprise you know it's got to feel weird
it feels like somebody in the
like great beyond press a
doorbell that you didn't
know was connected to you you know yeah
it's actually
really yeah but the pain is it's not as
painful it's just as surprising as could
be it's like extremely surprising they
can go through the tasers they can go
through a lot well they're immune to a
lot of disease yeah well at a certain
point that would be a lot of society too
is you know we'd all be out there
just I don't
know we wouldn't be you'd be immune to
all the things because you are still
alive on the streets yeah and you'd want
to probably Strike Back Against the
rich where do when we do this okay all
right where do we meet up that's a
question I want to know and that's a big
question I'm trying to think of good
there's good cities for this Austin's a
very good city where do you meet up for
the for the
revolution the mothership dude six
Street perfect dude who have our
military would overdose okay on
Fireball right before we even made it to
the first 5G Tower okay yeah we're
there's going to be some attrition
there's gonna be some guys going at wall
it's gonna be tough keeping the troops
together dude I wouldn't call a guy who
wants to sing karaoke all night somebody
going we're going to six Street we're
taking that out the bum's rising up on
six okay now that if we take Sixth
Street out that would be now that I like
yeah and you're going to recruit a lot
of um lot of talented young people you
could probably get you know some of the
Texas Longhorns maybe oh that'd be good
y Quinn ERS he's staying another year he
joined probably um I thought we were
just recruiting uh homeless people but I
think other people are going to get
jealous when they start to see you doing
well they're like ah I'll do it the
masks and the swords and yeah cuz
sigep is going to be nothing against a
homeless but
Italian
okay zette might be number one we might
go down frat row and just yeah dude I
don't want the boys getting into a
sorority I will say no sority I'll
command them I'll say leave the leave
the Queens alone yeah leave the Queens
alone that is it now if you want to get
into the some of these young fellas Rock
these
[Laughter]
boys and that's up to you dude if you
want to get into some Sigma
Alpha Epstein over here and see what
these fellas doing there that's that's
the bomb Army is going to be tough to
control dude but I don't think control
is they want to turn I know but they're
going to get they're going to get loose
dude they're going to every
Victory they're going to rape everybody
dude but turn on each other
right away no they won't change yes they
will dude no they won't I've seen them
support each other I've seen I saw
uh a bum hi like living in a sofa like
in the cushion in the bottom part and I
saw a guy com and Tuck him into bed one
night in the park near my
house you don't see that in America
anymore dude they had some bums by us
and because we live right by a park and
they stole a bunch of high school music
equipment I guess so all night they
would be in the Park I guess
some them stole the Sheep music too
right so that's so nice it's 3:00 a.m.
and you hear some on a flute just play
and it's like um Love the Way You Lie by
like Eminem and
Rihanna and people were like shut the
up that's a that's a jam
sesh marching man dude it's a good night
it's sick but so dude so the
first what do you so okay so you say you
meet up at the comedy Mothership I'm
saying it yeah I think that's a good
location okay that's onep somewhere on
Sixth Street okay that's fair you can
get a battalion there you can't say some
it you have to have a location you can't
you can't have homeless or
semi-homeless people storming a
oh you talking about iceam or something
thought we were just meeting I think it
would be a good test to try to get the
mothership because then you got Rogan in
there okay you got his team of security
yeah you'd have Jo D probably be the
chef you got to test your might
against them what do you mean good first
battle against who the local police I'm
saying send the bums into the mothership
and see who wins it's good test
dude hold on dude we're never gonna work
there
again this is not a good choice dude all
right all right not the mothership yeah
yeah what no I think you can I will lead
I'm trying to think of where where would
you lead your bomb Army you can meet up
out front of it well I think you have to
pick like five or six places in the
Americas to meet up so I think you're
gonna have for sure k&a in Philadelphia
that's the street it is yeah K Anda and
Philly yeah Kensington Kensington and
and what Aly and alany yeah you get them
you get them in there bro crossing the
alagan that goes all the way back to the
1912 dude or whenever sometime around
then crossing the yeah the Del yeah okay
that's this is the Army they're
they're encamped right now oh hell yeah
and it says no one deserves what's
brewing in K Kensington now the tough
part is to keep your army excited you
were going to need um overthe counter
meds
probably or under the counter I don't
know which one it is I think I think
they're getting over okay I think over
the counter LED them there but it's
crazy that the the people who are
because Society has led people to
believe you know be in this space you
know yeah my bad on saying we should
send the BMS bums in to the Mother Ship
no I think look that'd be a tough one to
get in that's what I'm saying there's a
lot of security there oh that's a good
point that's what I'm saying it's a good
first round you know what I mean week
one yeah I support it actually I said we
send it yeah you dispatch a unit see how
they do yeah and then we test see say
that's like the final boss so see how we
can do against some crack security and
guys with guns oh yeah you never yeah
you're never going to be able to beat
Little Debbie or next
tail or any of the Facebook if you can't
take out
uh
a do you feel like we could really end
up in our lifetime as heading to a
revolution or something sort of a um
like a place where the where people
where it all topples over you know cuz
all it takes is really I've thought
about this all it takes is a poli like a
couple of people like at a police like
police stations all it takes a couple
people to be like hey I'm not going to
follow the rules anymore yeah and once
and then other people like I'm not gonna
if this guy and then it's just nobody's
because we're kind of getting there it
feels like you know feel like kind of
people just kind of are like if nobody's
going to follow the rules then why do
everybody body's kind of getting there
it feels like sometimes Maybe I'm
Wrong you know maybe I'm just making
exciting for the conversation I don't
know yeah I don't know how wrong you are
maybe people are out there not following
rules yeah yeah I I don't know if that's
going to start a revolution but but at a
certain point if enough people say okay
I'm not going to drive within the lines
right yeah I'm not going to follow the
speed limit it's almost just like that
like every now and then like that that
has immediate consequences for whoever's
doing it they're going to crash usually
you know
but if enough people were like well
it I'm not waiting because there's a
there's an emergency up there I'm not
going to wait for an hour I'm just going
to go do what I want but it's just that
whole that attitude if I'm just going to
do and then other countries do that yeah
yeah yeah yeah you go in the traffic
jams and there like in India you
know you ever watch that oh they just do
yeah people yeah and they're doing all
right yeah you just wonder what's going
to happen you know yeah
um what else can we talk about we talked
about all I I feel like if we what's
going on with you what's going on with
me man not too much dude what's going
on uh yeah thinking about touring and
just how to do it you know yeah that's
been something I was thinking about
uh yeah I've been thinking about that
I've been thinking about that a lot like
do I want to go Spence like some people
do a big tour you know and I don't like
and they go to the big cities and
but I would almost rather do like aear
tour and go as I want that's kind of
what I'm doing yeah and just make it as
you want to do it yeah it just feels
like more manageable to me and uh yeah
so that I think I've been thinking about
that
um what else I've been thinking about
getting building like a halfway house or
something like that that'd be nice yeah
it'd be pretty cool yeah and then those
people could be in the military those
are our officers dude they are that's
our officer training school
yeah dude definitely so I mean honestly
that's something I've been thinking a
lot about what else on a personal like
on a personal side not much dude
supposed to go to iasa really yeah in a
couple
days in a couple days are you going to
South America where you going noay it's
just right off it's right off it's right
it's like right off the interstate in
La they're doing IAS oh you can smell
but yeah Ian there's a popy like
probably no J 600 yard a away oh that's
got to be so nice well twice a day I
guess they do the biscuit bakes or
whatever smelling that oh oh no
it's not you're not like it's not fun
high I've heard yeah what's have you
done it God is crawling in and out of
your Wingers like it's just a lot it
feels like a lot it feels like you're
just like in therapy for like two
like like what does it feel like you
know like say if somebody was playing
basketball you were playing basketball
in an attic of a house right it would
feel kind of weird maybe because you're
like yeah the floor feels feels like oh
it's so but if this feels like you're
playing like basketball like in the like
in a like on the first level like it's
just like that don't make any sense but
it feels like um I don't know it's just
intense you've done it yeah and it did
you feel like it went well when you got
done yeah it's just crazy yeah I mean
it's like God shows up and you're
sitting there with him you know
but it feels really real it's not like
you're up like hey God you know
let me see that you know I took like a
t mushrooms once and not that
that's the same as IAS but I did reach
the like I'm not here anymore
I'm see I'm just fully seeing things
yeah yeah yeah I didn't I came out of it
I was like I'm I'm gonna be better and
then that wore off I'm back the
exact same guy so that's the thing I
think I wanted to see yeah I just wanted
to wear off it's been like a year and a
half since I did it yeah so I've been
thinking about that
um yeah so what yeah I've been thinking
about that I don't know sometimes I
think about maybe moving or getting a
also living somewhere else I think it's
fun to spend time down here Austin is
cool Aus is fun you can do standup it's
a beautiful city yeah it's a nice city
it's a fun city yeah there's a lot of
neat stuff yeah there's a lot of neat
stuff I think so that's been pretty cool
just thinking about it you know even
coming to seeing like your house it's
like oh okay this is what it would be
like to live here this seems like I
could do this you
know
um what else man I don't
know I don't know I think it's just yeah
thinking about like who would be fun to
talk to on
podcasts stuff like that just the normal
stuff yeah yeah I don't I'm not doing
anything I don't know how to answer that
either it's tough who would be fun to
talk to no I mean just like what what's
going on yeah I don't know just I don't
know anything you can think of Zach that
you notice from an outsider
perspective about you yeah sometimes I'm
just so in my own life you know you
don't know what's going on
um we're trying to get new interesting
guests for the Pod and then yeah we
trying to get a carnival worker yeah
we're trying to get a Carney we thought
about Gypsy Rose what did i' I've heard
a lot about Gypsy what did Gypsy Rose do
uh she convinced she got a boyfriend to
kill her mother like AR ranged it yeah
and it's not funny dude I'm talking to
myself cuz I just laughed but um yeah
she and her boyfriend killed the
mom cuz the mom made her pretend that
she was like mentally challenged and
stuff in a wheelchair and
the mom had Munch house and by proxy so
it was tricking her into thinking she
was sick and had all these ailments I
think I've heard of this from a long
time ago yeah there's like a TV series
about it there's been a lot of
information about it but she's also from
Louisiana so I was like I wonder if it'd
be interesed to talk with her and just
see like what what her like what her
life has been like but I know she did
another podcast and I don't know if it's
you know stuff like that's supposed to
happen then it'll just happen and that's
the mom and she just kept making she
just yeah she made her pretend she was
in a wheelchair and dress up like a
little clown and stuff like
that um it feels like selfdefense at
that point yeah I think that's what they
yeah and her boyfriend I think she like
met a guy somewhere and his name yeah
and they made love somewhere
too he's still in jail this guy's still
in jail yeah that guy should be in jail
he
should should be jail he looks like he's
grow he's growing his beard out just so
he can eat it yeah that's kind that's
the kind of look that he has um so yeah
anyway yeah that's that that's her but
we tried to get a carnival worker and
what problem did we run into the issue
we're running into with Carneys is that
a lot of working baby working on the
weekend like usual yeah a lot of the uh
the carnival industry said that like
they're working dude there's no days off
oh dude but still it's got to be a fun
life keep it praying at night without
all those little fish stay alive so you
can make Bank the next day those fish
must how many fish are those guys going
through those things must be dying so
much and then if they die probably
making a little little bitty like
fillets with them yeah they probably
Munch those oh definitely snacking on
those
yeah but that's uh so we've been
looking for a carnival the problem with
carniv Carnival people is car uh the
Carnival's gone awall man they
don't have any animals anymore first of
all it's a lot of virtual and like
gay guys like pretending to be animals
which you can get in anywhere
you can get that in Miami or Bourbon
Street yeah um and then it's very I
guess more Disney on Ice or something
you can't find any of the good
you know like I remember
there was a guy I was we used to live by
the fair that would come through town
right so if you went the day early for
it open for a quarter you could do a
ride right and you were basically
practice and you were people would
disappear people would go
missing people would get wied up you
know your chicks would get wied
up by a lot of these Carnival workers
and everything but um you could go
practice you know and like I remember
one time I was getting off of a ride and
I guess I grabbed two like rails at the
same time and it completed a
circuit and so I couldn't I was just
like this you know and this black guy I
remember goes get on out of here you and
he called me the N word he put my foot
he put his foot on my back and K thank
God he kicked me he saved you yeah thank
God so yeah you shouldn't you shouldn't
use word getting electrocuted is so
funny oh well it's surprising
and it's it happened to my cousin he was
Ling he was he was fixing a like the VCR
laying on the floor MH and he's a big
guy he's big yeah and he was fixing and
he was laying on a wire I guess that was
exposed yeah and while he was fixing it
he just stopped and was
like and he's huge we were all like the
are you doing get up like no one
was like he's dying everyone was like
what the dude stop yeah that's a
sad that's one of the worst things that
happens when people are get electrocuted
is people like call them a lot
or like quit doing all that gay
people say stuff like that you're like
shaking yeah what are you shaking for
yeah this ain't a time to laugh Rodney
then a woman screams and then you
realize it's
serious I just remember unless you don't
have any women in yeah without women
they are they are an alarm
they're like dogs yeah they scream the
second something anything is happening
they know something's going on Scream
they do know something's going on that's
a great Point men are just like hey what
the going on women screaming
during like a fight yeah it's hot it
hurts I like unate see no I'm just say
unfortunate getting your ass beat and
having your girl scream while it's
happening just whoever's beating you up
is terrorizing your whole family unit
like
it's yeah that's the crazy thing about
watching fight videos is when the girl
like is just yelling on the side no stop
it you'd almost you'd almost rather have
your girl go sit in the car or now what
if your girl tazed the dude and
then started that would be awesome and
started yelling just like biggie lyrics
at him as depends which lyrics but
actually at that point if you're using a
taser in the middle of a fight that's
that feels like a pass yeah you could
say all the lyrics yeah definitely I
think you know yeah yeah I think having
your girl knowing your girl is taser
ready is hype women
screaming it bothers me during
basketball games oh yeah they scream
football games there you know they get
excited and scream so loud oh it's
ridiculous my buddy took me to watch his
son play football right and there's this
band of women behind us okay one of them
has a megaphone that doesn't it
just makes him sound like Stephen
Hawking right so it's just some lady
like are you
it's like a $9 megaphone it's
like are you kidding me and
she's just yelling at just they're all
yelling at the refs dude you know yeah
yelling at refs at kids games is
nice cuz that guy's a loser oh
yeah that gu you know yeah it's so
mean you think that guy wants to have
control in the community though yeah he
like he's like all right I got to ref
this seventh grade football game
today and then there's some parent like
you piece of yeah you
that was a hold you
dumbass yeah that was a ho get your ass
out your ass somebody all yelling follow
you to the parking lot and beat your
ass dude they're guys have to
like run to their cars after Middle
School football games for $112 an hour
the guy to
almost die in his
community just cuz he was to
work on the weekend Sprint dude and wh
dumb outfit you got to take your
hat off yeah this is it right
here leag look how drunk all these dudes
are these dudes are fake
unbelievable dude that is nice though
getting wrecked and going and
coaching A game yeahp A game umping A
game face have you done it no I
haven't I have not you seem like you
would be able to do it I coached uh I
coach little uh Football did you
really yeah was really really little oh
youp War we called it yeah eth
grade we called it League yeah
some people used to call it that and
some people still do call it that I
wonder they still do is there a uh is
there an actual little person Football
League or not it's got to be let's bring
that up they're doing all types of stuff
well you know what's always gets me
every year is that video of the blond
guy playing football that comes up fine
child playing football it's so
funny funny because of it's uh you know
what I mean it's not fun I'm not
laughing at the it's not funny because
the guy's bun it's funny because it just
goes exactly how you think it's going to
go yeah and the reporter pretends this
is what's funny about it is the reporter
is what makes it ridiculous cuz
they're like hey this makes perfect
normal sense and safety for this guy and
then they watch the play and pretend
like it's not
insane little people versus giant
people this is soccer I don't see any
like American Football the
Giants the Giants that's just a regular
fat guy I could be one of the Giants
godamn
it oh little people are way better at
soccer three looks good put his ass down
oh you kick me
little kids are the little
guys are gonna these dudes up
that's a foul that's yellow oh yeah big
sheret big dudes always have
names like sheret look at that
she's pissed
huh it's a good wall though they're
going to block that free Kick the fat
guy wall yeah it's unfair yeah are you
talking about this dud
yes yeah can we uh bring it up the news
just play the news
story because it's just Dylan Coler and
God bless him we should call him
actually let's get him on on a solo
episode Zach him and Chase Matthew is
the guy that uh in the wig what
that guy do the guy that vomited on the
girl on the baby no don't get them
together you mean separate episodes
separate episod talk about I just want
to talk to him I want to see what what
does this guy think about it he's got to
think it's insane play because
he's doing all of this blind you know
how I can't see and a lot of people
think that I that a blind person can't
play football that's true this
courageous youngster has proven those
people wrong
[Music]
bro imagine though this is wild though
if he is blind then he could play a
total different defense you can't even
expect because you expect a normal
defense out you know you expect certain
lanes and this like that that
guy might leave the field yeah I know
where he's going that game is
longer but if he hits you oh that game's
longer than 100 yards he is going to
there is something that is true about
this is if he does hit you he is going
to run right through you which is how
you're supposed to like if you want to
drill someone good point run
right through them that's a great you're
going to hit him really hard you
couldn't penalize him for uh some of
those like poaching or whatever they get
those penalties you know yeah um yeah I
would love to see what this guy's up to
and how what it was like for him dude
How brave to run when you're blind like
you know just run as fast as you can
when you're blind yeah
that's Brave dude that's a kind of
kind of we need in this country
meanwhile we have a bunch of
math
addicts arming themselves outside of a
T-Mobile because we told him to
dude you told him I didn't you told
him you say that you're on the horse I'm
never GNA get on a horse dud yeah you
are buddy we'll get horse yeah any other
news act you think we covered everything
Shane lives in Austin now yeah um we one
other video we were watching like
this oh yeah and this is racial stuff
that's go this is let's let's let's
start it up hold on right
so this
is so one of the problems that's
happening in society is people can't
afford Ubers anymore and so here this is
this happened I think in um this looks
like New Hampshire it jumps on my
car just hit a ride dude it's right in
front of my
car get off oh no what are you doing
there's a white guy hanging he's on the
front of a black gu's car while the
black guy's driving around looks like
Pittsburgh he's still on my car
get the off my car oh don't go
sideways bro
oh dude it's unbelievable the guy didn't
just stop and say hey senior citizen who
is 60 years older than me who maybe
having an episode is so funny hey hey
buddy why did you get off my car
instead the guy's listening to
Nicki Minaj or young Dolph and he's just
like hey this is crazy the Trump hat so
good on that Jesus Christ hat so nice
this guy's on my car like he's a
like it's a butterfly or
something that is how I treat bugs on my
car I'm like I'll slow down see if he
gets off dude you guys have got a
bug on a car it's a this
guy is 72 years
old okay is holding on to the front of
this guy's
car and we don't know
why this is that Biden man that
people are talking
about and this is people on meds this is
people not having any hope
probably I mean you run out of hope
you're going to have to get on someone's
car that's what I'm saying that's step
two you look around you go there's no
hope well yeah and ubber at a a certain
point it's just all it's just going to
be a bunch of Lords in their castles
yeah the rest of us will be all ubering
each
other it'll be the only job but
everybody's ubering so nobody is a
passenger nobody's breaking we're all
just breaking even on this totally so
you're literally going to have people
holding each other at
gunpoint to be their
passenger oh man dude imagine if that
was your relative that you just saw that
video you're like man he had a
manic episode he jumped on a dude's
car went for a spin just went around the
block God wants us to watch it one more
time yeah it's great I love seeing his
faceu on my
I wish I had a view of his
feet oh get
[Laughter]
off he said get off but he didn't get
him time he was getting off dude I just
saying get off my car at 20 miles an
hour he goes for the exit it's a t
Exit yeah he tried to take the Orthodox
off to the side but they wouldn't
let him dude man seeing that guy
roll in the street hey let's find out
who that is and let's also get him on
the next solo those three guys I want to
know dillian Collier the guy Jordan
Matthews Chase Matthews I think was his
name puke man yeah the guy that puked on
the baby girl and you know that guy was
hoping nobody brought that
up oh oh man he was 21 shitfaced at a
baseball game ah he's never Liv in that
town puked on a little kid yeah
wonder what the kids doing now too it'
be crazy to see if that influenced him
somehow you know if he works with
bulimia or
something or you know to prevent anybody
from V esophagal cancer maybe yeah um
what else we got Zach anything else how
long have we been in here a while about
two hours oh wow really oh okay
that's good um Madden Shane's secret
podcast with Matt mcoser Shane Gillis um
Matt's got to come on next time with you
man had so much fun on you guys' show
you would you do it without me just Matt
you guys would get along very well okay
yeah all right got similar Vibes well I
just want to make sure we have our
meeting of the generals that are going
to be working for us H mosar will be
good Silver Fox Moser is a very general
name yes very
oh when Ker's Last Stand he's going to
get the bombs are going to turn on him
and stab but still dude
mccusker's last stand and he
we'll never forget when he
commandeered those three T-Mobile
outlets in the middle of the
night yeah little Best Buy
yeah little Best
Buy yeah he uh this has been tried
before though yeah not necessarily uh
bumps but just saying like they down and
they're going to rise up if I let uh J
uh John Brown did that did he really
yeah that's how he sparked the Civil War
in
America he was like I'm going to start a
he thought rightfully so that slavery
was uh he was very religious and he was
like this is the gravest
sin on Harper F he was like if I go take
the Armory at Harper's Ferry all the
slaves from all the area are going to
join us wow and not many of them did
really almost none so they let they let
him down or they were afraid I don't
know he was a little nuts so they were
probably like that's not the guy to do
it and he's a white guy or black guy he
was a honky but his last name was brown
yes so they give him some of that credit
he gets a lot he gets a lot of credit in
the black community though that's a
great yeah I mean he he was the
man he started so he really inspired so
he actually made a physical motion to
say hey let's do this we got to get rid
of slavery right wow and they hung him
you got marry the elephant
treatment
oh that's heartbreaking where's he
where's he buried
at he's from Kansas or some sh yeah wow
so he really was trying his best out in
Kansas he might and who who hung him the
whites yeah the honkies got him God he's
buried in the uh mountains in New York
how do you pronounce this I don't know
how to pronounce that
word yeah there we go everyone had it he
uh yeah he he was a beast he was getting
after it though before he did that he
was he was killing all the southern
sympathizers slave owners sympathizers
yeah in Kansas he was him and his sons
were maching people oh yeah wow pretty
good guy though be interesting if we
could do a Ouija board or something and
talk with some of those guys you know
yeah be pretty cool but I don't know who
does that kind of work seaner or
whatever that would be a good episode
with a s get a medium in here
get like somebody that's like I'm going
to contact the dead you think so I think
that'd be a great episode you got to
pick out some cool dead they can't be
like oh this is some got RI hey we got a
we just got a call from Richard in uh
outside of Toledo people calling into a
radio
show hi M on the air
you're not allowed to swear here
that' be hilarious dude you just had a
open Seance line like hey this is a
Robert long time listener dude I've been
listening to you guys for eternity
shit's all
right um welcome to town man are are you
are you toring this year what else is
going on just so people know I'm toring
okay yeah I'm I I don't know when this
comes out but I'm goingon to announce uh
I'm doing
Netflix is a joke I'm doing the Greek
Theater and the Kia Forum in May you're
Forum too doing the Forum in La so is
that 11,000 seats hopefully that sells
some tickets oh my gosh I think Louis
said that's his favorite place to go do
a show really yeah I think I would like
to maybe try that this year that's so
exciting dude wow so that be exciting
I'll be nervous that' be your biggest
show ever that'll be the biggest yeah
that's exciting have you done any
outdoor Festival shows I did a bunch
with crusher oh yeah yeah they were fun
some of those looked amazing like some
of those some of those were really
amazing do you like doing the outdoor
when we did one in Edmonton it was tough
um it was fun it's just different yeah I
don't know I've only ever done it
opening for Bert so I don't know how how
it'll do like a long set might be hard I
have no idea did you feel like it was
fine like it just I was doing like 15 20
minutes so I was like all right let's
just clock in get this done this is
great sometimes it was good sometimes I
felt like I sucked cuz you can't tell
because it was like a minor league
baseball field mhm you know the laughs
yeah and it was the sun was up a lot of
the time oh so you could see everyone
not you know you can see everyone
getting up getting drinks yeah yeah yeah
some places you do it and some people
don't even know I remember rate uh a
comedy special in New Orleans and people
had never some people had never seen
Live Comedy didn't even know people were
yelling people thought it was like a
sporting event people were yelling
defense during it some lady was at the
top just beating on the back wall just
going
defense defense getting fired up it was
just crazy like what is going on
here yeah you get yeah big crowd like
that they can start getting wild yeah um
what's been one of the toughest things
about getting more popular you've just
had such a crazy I mean you've you did
it somehow you made it I mean I know how
but it's just like are you you've just
gotten you've got popular yeah yeah a
lot of it's uh on Tik Tok and I
don't I don't even have a Tik Tok I
don't like Clips yeah yeah I don't
personally I don't like them I don't
care if other people do them but it's
funny cuz like young people will see me
and be like you're the Tik Tok guy yeah
like damn I gotta get on Tik Tok I gotta
see what's going on that was a big thing
was just
Clips uh what the hardest part about it
is that what you're saying yeah is there
something that's been interesting about
it I mean it's just an interesting thing
that happens in somebody's life when
they get more po you know it's like just
interesting yeah you've done it it's
just weird I don't know how to yeah
maybe just weird feel weird yeah I was
just curious feel surreal I don't know
there's nothing there something you
thought about it or noticed about it or
anything that was tough about it or
anything I I got to take pictures a lot
yeah which that's not always great and
you're tall You Can't Hide yeah and I'm
yeah I don't like the way I look a lot
of the time so have to take and I have
like a sometimes a very embarrassing
smile just yeah there so many pictures
with my arms up like there's so many
pictures there's so many pictures of me
like well how nice to meet you guys
thanks don't look him
up bring him up oh there's one
with you and Trump dude that's sick we
talked about that last time were there
yeah we talked about that last time oh
yeah you I don't think I was sitting I
was sitting further away from you guys
though yeah you were you you went to
like the first one Trump ever came to I
think that was fun yeah that was fun you
might be yeah you were directly behind
that I know exactly where you were
that's actually Max Crosby's arm is it
really guy with the chain right there
yeah
wow Max Crosby's a cool guy yeah I think
that was him um and his brother too I
don't know what his brother what's his
brother's name miles miles I met miles
too one time wonder if it's cool if your
brothers in the NFL I bet that's awesome
It's gotta be awesome because you don't
have to do it yeah yeah you get to do
mom's brother just do
Tik toks everyone's like shut the
up yeah you just get to do Tik toks and
meet guys bother everybody yeah
yeah yeah you just get to do Tik toks
and just buy sweaters and and your
brother's out there killing it
that's got to be nice that's awesome
yeah watch like if your brother was
Patrick Mahomes it's cool to watch oh it
would be so sick just watch your brother
be the best player in the world dude
you'd have to be like how the
especially if you knew your brother and
you're like are you kid remember
I caught you jacking off like a hundred
times now you're in the super bow
passing yeah and then I left you
alone for two seconds and came back in
the room okay what are you
doing like a good parent should dude all
right man we'll see you guys in either
Buffalo or an Austin outside of the
comedy mother if hits the fan
because you have to recognize at some
point people will think in their head
I've thought about this where do we all
go when when it gets because all it
takes is that one that one night
you know yeah I'm going to try to get a
hold of
Rogan that's the guy right I agree and I
spoke with him about this when and he I
think decided he will be offshore in a
boat looking back at America I think so
and that's what a lot of people be doing
be vigilant the second pops off I
got to get over there because a lot of
people are going to rush it's going to
be like Noah's Arc oh yeah people are
going to be like save us yeah there's
going to be two of like every type of
person Ty comic yeah me and Tim Dylan
walking hand in hand all right two fat
whites you guys are
in me and Tig
nataro ambiguous guys you guys are in
yeah
yeah oh that'd be sick dude two people
with like uh those little things yeah
Jeff donam and
uh doesn't uh dude imagine being the
other guy that's not Jeff Dunham people
are always like hey are you Jeff
Dunham's like no no I was doing this
before him that
[Laughter]
um Shane Gillis man
congrats dude congrats on just being
funny and for um and I'm sorry you
didn't win the Golden Globe you should
have I thought oh thanks I uh yeah
thought you least should have been up
for it thanks I appreciate that um and
um yeah you guys can find him on tour
dude the Forum you're doing the
Forum and the Greek yeah in the same
week hopefully I sell some
tickets I'm not my it's my uh my agent
your agent oh yeah yeah yeah we did the
Greek they're like let's dude you can do
the Forum yeah they're like it's G to
sell I like oh man you sure it's going
to sell I'll do same week as the Greek
yeah that's I've never done La
though so that's good that helps yeah
that's awesome well you'll definitely do
it man there's some air
conditioning yeah now that the podcast
is wrapping up bring it back down to
75 um thanks Shane for coming in man I
appreciate it man thank you yeah talk to
you later brother I'm just floating on
the breeze and I feel I'm falling like
these leaves I must be
Cornerstone oh but when I reach that
ground I'll share this PE of my found I
can feel it in my
bones but it's going to
take
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