Shane Gillis | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #478

Summary

Comedians Theo Von and Shane Gillis have a wide-ranging conversation, discussing Von's upcoming shows at the Greek Theater and Kia Forum in Los Angeles as part of Netflix's comedy festival, Gillis recently moving to Austin, Texas, their thoughts on planning comedy tours, the possibility of society unraveling and what they predict could happen, unusual news stories like a man clinging to the front of a moving car and secret underground tunnels being discovered in New York, their comedic takes on unusual topics like hairy female body parts, and more. The two longtime friends and comedians touch on many topics in their signature humorous style.

Takeaways

• 😀 Shane has recently moved from New York to Austin, Texas
• 😲 They discuss absurd news stories like a rabbi emerging from an underground tunnel and a man clinging to the front of a moving car
• 🎤 Shane talks about upcoming comedy tour dates and performing at large venues like the Greek Theater in LA
• ☠️ They joke about leading an army of homeless people in a revolution against the wealthy
• 🎳 The possibility of sports leagues having divisions for transgender athletes is discussed
• 😨 Childhood stories are shared about getting caught masturbating
• 🤮 A drunk Phillies fan vomited on a cop's kid at a game
• 😡 Parents yelling at refs at kids' games is critiqued
• 🐘 An elephant that killed its handler and then attacked its corpse at the funeral is mentioned
• 🤔 The prevalence of autism and its potential links to contamination in food and environment are discussed

Q & A

Where is Shane Gillis originally from?

Shane is originally from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He recently moved from New York City to Austin, Texas.

What venues is Shane performing at in Los Angeles?

Shane is performing at the Greek Theater and The Forum in LA in May 2023 as part of the Netflix Is A Joke comedy festival.

What is one of the appeals of living in Austin for a comedian?

Austin offers lots of stage time for comics. Shane mentions being able to do 3-4 sets a night at the Comedy Store in Austin, which allows comedians to practice material frequently.

What podcast was Shane a guest on previously?

Shane was previously a guest on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, hosted by Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis.

What controversial news clip do Shane and Theo discuss?

They discuss a clip of the Mayor of New York, Eric Adams, giving advice to parents on searching their kids' rooms for guns and drugs.

What food contamination issue do they talk about?

They discuss a report that found plasticizers/phthalates present in most supermarket and fast foods tested.

What is one of Shane's thoughts on the future of the U.S.?

Shane wonders if society could be heading towards some kind of revolution or collapse at some point, if enough people stop following laws and rules.

What does Theo encourage Shane to get?

Theo encourages Shane to get some guns if he becomes very rich.

What sport do they joke about having a division for transgender athletes?

They joke about mixed martial arts having a transgender division for competitors.

What viral news story features a blind child playing football?

They discuss a news story where a young blind child plays in a football game, which they find quite surprising.

Outlines

00:00

😄 Introduction to Theo's Comedy Show and Guest Shane Gillis

Theo Von introduces his comedy podcast and guest Shane Gillis. They briefly discuss Shane's recent move to Austin, Texas.

05:02

😀 Discussing Past and Future Comedy Touring Plans

Theo and Shane discuss their approaches to touring. Theo prefers smaller, intimate tours while Shane is doing larger shows like the LA Greek Theatre. They talk about the pros and cons of different venue sizes.

10:03

😆 Talking About Taking Ayahuasca

Theo shares his experience taking ayahuasca several years ago. He describes the intense effects and feeling like he was with God. Shane has also tried it and agrees it's a powerful psychedelic experience.

15:04

😀 Seeking Interesting Podcast Guests Like Carnival Workers

Theo and his team have been trying to book interesting podcast guests like carnival workers. However, they are often busy working on weekends.

20:05

🤣 Laughing at Absurd News Stories and Videos

Theo and Shane laugh at absurd news stories and viral videos: A mayor teaching parents how to search kids' rooms, a man clinging to the front of a moving car, a blind football player, a Jew emerging from a manhole.

25:06

😬 Discussing Women's Body Hair and Dating

Theo and Shane have an awkward discussion about women's body hair preferences. Theo claims some women naturally have a lot of hair 'like a man's ass,' but Shane disagrees.

30:08

😨 Reacting to a Video of an Elephant Attacking a Funeral

Theo and Shane watch a shocking video of an elephant crashing a funeral in India and attacking the woman's corpse. They are stunned by the bizarre and tragic event.

35:09

😆 Talking About Executing a Homeless Revolution

As an absurd hypothetical, Theo and Shane jokingly discuss executing a 'homeless revolution' by arming the homeless with weapons and having them take over cities.

40:10

🤔 Philosophizing About a Coming Societal Collapse

Theo wonders if society is headed towards collapse as people increasingly disobey laws and rules. Shane agrees it's possible if enough people decide not to follow them.

45:11

😂 Laughing at a Man Being Electrocuted

In a dark moment, Theo shares a story of cruelly laughing at a man being accidentally electrocuted instead of helping him. Shane can relate to the inappropriate reaction.

50:11

😡 Annoyed by Obnoxious Sports Fans

Theo and Shane complain about obnoxious parents loudly yelling at kid's sports games and amateur referees.

55:15

🤯 Shocked by Orthodox Jews Building Secret Tunnels

Theo and Shane react to news reports about Orthodox Jews building secret tunnels under synagogues, leading to offensive jokes.

00:16

😞 Sad Childhood Story About a Classmate's Death

Theo shares a sad story from childhood - he jokingly yelled 'Reggie Lewis' when a classmate collapsed, referencing an athlete who died on court. The classmate ended up dying.

05:18

🤠 Brainstorming a Revolution of Armed Homeless People

As an absurd hypothetical, Theo and Shane jokingly discuss executing a 'homeless revolution' by arming the homeless with weapons like ninja swords and having them take over cities.

10:20

😬 Making Crude Jokes About College Women's Sports

Theo and Shane make provocative jokes about 'tricking their way' into women's locker rooms at college volleyball games.

15:20

🥳 Excited for Shane's Upcoming Shows at the Forum and Greek Theatre

Shane shares he's performing at LA's Greek Theatre and Forum for a Netflix comedy festival. Theo is thrilled for him and predicts the large shows will sell out.

20:22

😃 Wrapping Up the Conversation

As the podcast wraps up, Theo congratulates Shane on his success. They jokingly discuss where people would flee if society collapsed. Theo closes out thanking Shane.

Mindmap

The video is abnormal, and we are working hard to fix it.
Please replace the link and try again.

Keywords

💡comedy

Comedy refers to humor and making jokes, which is a major theme throughout the conversation between the two comedians. They discuss doing stand-up comedy shows, being funny, and telling jokes. For example, they talk about touring for comedy shows, what comedy venues are like in different cities, and joke about various topics.

💡current events

The comedians discuss several current events happening in society, politics, and culture. This includes topics like the homeless crisis, potential civil unrest, high taxes, and controversies around gender identity. Their commentary provides a comedic take on contemporary issues.

💡pop culture

References to pop culture personalities, shows, and trends are made frequently. For instance, they mention comedians like Louis CK, athletes like Patrick Mahomes, and shows like Game of Thrones. This reflects the mainstream cultural context their comedy exists within.

💡relationships

Relationships and dating are touched on through anecdotes and jokes. This includes funny stories about meeting women, awkward teenage romantic encounters, and examining dynamics between couples.

💡sports

Sports are discussed at various points, from parenting behaviors at children's games to drunken fans getting rowdy. The comedians joke about sports and share amusing personal stories related to them.

💡parenting

Parenting comes up several times, usually in a humorous context. This includes jokes about methods for searching kids' rooms, things children may be hiding, and parenting challenges.

💡celebrity

Being a celebrity and the effects of fame are pondered. The challenges of increased popularity and public visibility are considered, like having to take photos with fans.

💡controversy

Controversial topics are jokingly explored, allowing comedy to be created through discussing taboo or objectionable subject matter.

💡drugs

Drug use and being intoxicated are frequent comedic topics, such as doing drugs for spiritual enlightenment or performing stand-up comedy while drunk.

💡social class

Class differences in society emerge via jokes contrasting the lifestyles of the rich and the poor. They humorously discuss wealth inequality and imagine revolutionary scenarios where the lower classes rise up.

Highlights

Shane has recently moved from New York to Austin, Texas.

Shane discusses his upcoming shows at the Greek Theater and The Forum in LA as part of Netflix's comedy festival.

Theo talks about his experience taking ayahuasca and describes the intense effects.

They joke about the idea of Shannon recruiting a "bum army" armed with weapons to start a revolution.

Discussion of the bizarre video of the mayor of New York teaching parents how to search their kids' rooms for guns and drugs.

Talk about the news story of the blind teenager Dylan Collier courageously playing football.

Theo recalls getting accidentally electrocuted as a kid and people's reactions.

Debate over whether some women naturally have hairy bottoms.

Discussion of the trend of transgender athletes competing in women's sports.

Talk about new research finding plastic chemicals present in most supermarket foods.

Anecdote about Shane's embarrassing photos with fans.

Shane describes initially feeling lonely and getting scared at night when he first moved to Austin.

Discussion about the challenges of doing outdoor comedy festival shows.

Debate whether society seems to be approaching some kind of breaking point or revolution.

Review of the crazy viral video of the older white man clinging to the front of a car while the driver speeds around.

Transcripts

I have new tour dates to tell you about

I'll be in New Orleans Louisiana we're

coming back over there we're going to do

it at the Sanger theater down now down

now downtown March 29th and 30th that's

Easter weekend uh get your tickets early

with the pre-sale code Rat King starting

this Wednesday January 17th at 10:00

a.m. local time General on sale begins

Friday January 19th at 10: a.m. local

time we also have tickets remaining in

Charlottesville State College Amhurst uh

Brisbane Sydney in the Australia and

Atlanta Georgia get all your tickets at

theovon

docomo we are down here in Austin Texas

today over at Rooster Teeth Studios and

we are happy to be here and really happy

to let you know about today's guest um

he's one of the brightest young

comedians in the world he is just a damn

I mean just a long damn just Ivory

Flamingo of a of a boy and he is just so

humorous and you know him from Matt and

Shane's secret podcast and his latest

special beautiful dogs on Netflix I'm

grateful to get to spend time today with

my friend Mr Shane

[Music]

Gillis I'll sit and tell you my story

[Music]

shine on

me and I

[Music]

[Applause]

willing you ready I don't know I'm

really not it's a podcast who gives a

we can sit here and say nothing and

people be like

unbelievable the two comedic Geniuses of

our time done it again Legend going be

like yo how do you jack off how do you

poop people like holy

yeah I'm not worried about

it Legend dude how weird how weird is it

when people start saying you're a legend

you're like uh I just ate a Wendy's

Burger in the like family restroom by

myself I'm

depressed yeah that's always weird I

think cuz that's probably started to

happen you people were like dude this

guy's the king right some yeah yeah for

sure a lot of I've heard stuff like that

off-road Elvis people call you that late

Elvis Vegas Elvis fat Fat Sweaty dying

Elvis that actually fires me up I'll

take that yeah people say uh like you'd

be like the baddest Dyke in the world

people say I've heard that just

crazy and I mean holding back water I'm

not talking about oh yeah yeah stick a

finger in there dude if we went what if

we did under we were undercover lesbians

I think you and me can pull that off

real easy you get rid of that not all of

it I know oh yeah leave a little stubble

like one of those really crazy lesbians

yeah like the ones that are like you

know they want you to know they could

have been a men if they wanted to but

they chose this route for sure

yeah

um good to see you man good to see you

man Shane bro nice to see you dude happy

to see you you too man thanks for thanks

for hanging out and uh yeah and I was so

glad that I got to do Matt and Shane's

secret podcast bro yes dude dude that

was awesome that uh Matt's amazing

Matt's one of those guys it's like you

Tim Dylan and Matt are the guys Nick

Mullen can do it too it's nice to be on

a podcast with you guys where you can

just sit there and be like all right go

because I'm not I feel like I'm not that

great at it I'm good at you know yeah

I'm it's nice to have somebody that's

just like good at think geed up then I

can you know I can do something you know

yeah yeah you can but then I get yeah

sometimes the wheel start to fall off I

agree I I'm actually very similar if I'm

like all right this is fun I'm having a

good day sometimes I'll just yeah not

many not many funny responses just yeah

doing it with a buddy is so fun dude

because you have like there's just

somebody to talk to like sometimes I do

them by myself and I'm like I wish

there was somebody else here you know

doing it by yourself is crazy that's so

crazy I can I can't imagine

how often do you do that it really is I

think I do it like once a month right

now by myself be hard yeah I think it's

let me think about what it's like uh I

think sometimes it's just tough because

you're own if you have a bad attitude

it's just you you know I can't imag yeah

if I if I felt bad I would go on there

and just be like hey I feel bad but then

you don't want to be every week like hey

I feel like I know I've been in

several months of that yeah every

episode I'm like hung over again

yeah God damn it this is depressing yeah

really it makes you feel that like you

like every time you show up you're like

oh I'm hung over and you start to notice

a pattern you mean oh yeah for sure yeah

drinking too much that's but I love it I

love it dude I can't there's there's no

part of me that's like all right stop oh

yeah just like no this you got it that's

what you tell yourself you got no then

you're fully in control n man you're

good in complete control D dude one time

we were drinking with my buddy and uh he

got into the Uber right and he just

didn't get his like he had like real

kind of heavy legs cuz his mom kind of

had heavy legs but she would wear tight

pants and you kind of couldn't tell but

if you were over there a lot you knew

yeah that she kind of had really stocky

legs and um but he was bringing his

second leg into the Uber and his sandal

fell off right so then we had this place

we go bro he shows off no yeah

everybody was just like he just seems so

much drunker than he was you know it's

crazy I lo yeah that's yeah losing one

piece of Footwear and somebody's like oh

that guy like a lens of a glasses one

lens you're hammered dude you're

a crackhead now oh yeah that's that's

insane I feel like losing a glass is

lens you got a really yeah your kids are

like nuh-uh yeah yeah your kids are like

we're not we're going to order

pizza forever it's Pizza time yeah um

what was I looking at this morning that

was making me laugh it was um oh do you

see that thing with the mayor do you see

that thing with mayor with the mayor of

New York

no it's a um oh yeah this is it right

here do you see this so Eric Adams he

teaches what is he saying they're

teaching kids how to they're teaching

parents how to search your kids' room to

find drugs and gun stuff get you see

this you can look at a jewelry box a

jewelry box of this nature maybe a

simple jewelry box but if you look

through it closely you don't know what

your child may be hiding for instance a

gun that's from

New York government like make it scary

as hold on hold on start it over

that music is crazy scare the out

of these people it's like it almost

seems like a um like the story before

Castle Vania starts like on a video game

jewelry box a jewelry box this is

opening menu May a simp box but if you

look through it closely you don't know

what your child may be hiding for

instance a gun look at picture frames

behind them

try to determine what's what's taking

place behind a picture frame you can

find bullets you should always when your

child bring video game that's where you

find bullets in video games look through

it to see look through his naag you

might find a

grenade in addition to a book something

simple as a crack pipe something simple

as a as a baby dog what great is a kid

baby doll but also it could be a place

where you can secrete or hide

drugs secr this is the mayor that's

unusual like a pull like this with the

button is a perfect invitation to hide

something and I felt something bumpy I

will reach in see what it is just

look bro you guys have got to SL stop

man you guys have to see this I mean

it's just that's unbelievable look at

this where's wait where's the cocaine

at hi cocaine you can look in the

jewelry box a jewelry box I like it more

than just books to

jewry just look see what's inside your

bookcases more book this is like black

clue call me Colonel Mustard

look behind this picture of your cousin

what's that a eightball some

suppositories he's like oh look in look

in this baby doll what's in there a

shank a picture of Andy dof frame it's a

good kid I mean he's got guns and a

printer yeah oh it's a nice room yeah

it's like oh oh look under that Nintendo

switch oh what's that bam it's a 12

gauge and some tramad doll now and lers

he's got a lot of guns dud um that's

pretty awesome that's pretty awesome man

he's a good I like him Eric Adams yeah

he seems funny yeah seems

good yeah I think he obviously seems

down Earth he's willing to do that yeah

you know because that seems like it

could be like a sketch you know they

somebody think that was a sketch you

think who where's that from no that's

real it feels like Reno that's real

that's old though I don't know how that

has to be old there's no way New York it

was tweeted out like this week and

that's why it got the rounds I don't me

to punch holes in it cuz if that just

came out that looks like it's from 20

years ago it looks like that was yeah

check your son's Invisalign case he may

be hiding uh shotgun shells or just

bullets bullets yeah look behind that

autograph picture of Katie Perry oh

what's that that's a Gatling gun and

some oxies oh you you think it's just

your child's retainer case but open it

up and Bam it's an indentured servant

and some quays that is good for yeah

honky parents need to be doing this also

what do you mean like just you need to

find they need to find the weapons yeah

did your parents ever check your I'm

trying to think of my mom oh my mom came

in one time and I remember I was

touching myself right big

surprise and

uh she's like what what what are you

doing that's what she said shamed you

yeah she's like what are you

doing like and I was kind of sitting on

the bed it was almost like very almost

as if like in the 1800s you'd wandered

upon like a a guy who was like a a j

like a Jester traveling in the woods and

he taking off his suit and he's jerking

off on by the river bank or whatever you

know and she's like what are you doing

and I was like get out yeah and so then

she closed the door right she waited

like two seconds right I continued

Master B she came right back in dude I

had a hotel guy do this to me like a

couple months ago no way really I was in

Indianapolis a Indian man walked

straight in the room while I was jacking

off a real Indian guy wow no uh from

India oh yeah yes oh yeah Hotel yeah

definitely and he the guy at the front

stood there for yeah he stood there for

a while oh yeah and I was like yo you

got to get out of here and then he stood

outside the door waited like 15 seconds

and knocked oh wow I I started jacking

off as soon as he left again so I was

jerking off again I hear a knock

I was like dude get the out of here

what are you doing the crazy part is

imagining you walk over there with your

wiener still in your hand and look

through that little peephole you know

who somebody else someone different than

the guy I just screamed at with my

in my hand yeah hey get I was also I I

was naked laying on top of the ma bed oh

I didn't even get under the covers it

was right when I checked in oh that's

sad I just stripped down and went

straight to it you did yeah what is it

that makes us do that you know hotel

rooms it's almost like you know some

birds when they after they've flown for

a long way they'll like vomit right when

they land it's uh I don't want to it's

some like a seagull or something there

yeah you know some birds can fly almost

1100 miles before they land right but

there's some when they right when they

vomit they land will you look that up

yeah I see defensive vomiting that

turkey vultures do yeah I don't know

about when they land defensive vomiting

there a Philly a Phillies fan defensive

vomited on a kid one time really at a

game yeah the guy in front of him was

talking and he puked on his son

during the

baseball defensive that gu a turkey ball

dude yeah that's a Cracker Barrel

baptism right there dude got puked on at

a baseball game cuz your drunk dad with

one lens in his glasses was

mouthing off

dude there's way there's way too many

fights at these games these days or do

you think we're just recording them now

that's what it is I don't know there's

always been that many fights we're there

has always been that many fights but

it's so easy to get in a fight at a

sporting event yeah CU you want your

team to win so bad and then there's a

guy next to you like clapping hard for

the other team well people also some

yeah that's true so I hate him I can't

control this game but I can that

guy up oh it's a good point you know I

might be losing about 30 out there but

right here

going be moral Victory I'm going to get

arrested after the loss yeah I'm going

to be I'm going to vomit on this guy's

fat

[Laughter]

son vomiting on a kid is so funny well

just be like this game's not going

well there's no video is that the kid

and that's the guy who did it it's from

2010 there's no video leg dude he does

have one lens I knew it Matthew yeah he

does got one lens he has one lens you're

right Matthew Clemens Phillies fan

vomit vomit man

vomit a

superhero I guess he threw up on a cop

and a kid Dam wasn't just wow he on a

spree yeah it says right there what

Philadelphia Phillies fan Matthew

Clemens did was enough to make himself

sick and us too for that matter but at

least now he admits it wow good friend

we should call him sometime the

21-year-old Cherry Hill New Jersey and

I've been there made love to a native

American woman there which is crazy cuz

you were just talking about that I

forgot about that they were the the the

hotel was under Renovations and it was

crazy I think she thought I was bringing

her to like some like crazy place or

something cuz there was the you know all

that um pump there was a door Vis Queen

hanging everywhere like it was I don't

even think people should have been

staying there like you didn't even have

a door just like V Queen you had to hold

your car key up to the VIS Queen and

just make like a sound and then go in

your

room uh let me see Clemens pleaded

guilty to simple assault and other

charges Tuesday May 25th intentionally

vomiting on a man a police officer and

his 11-year-old daughter wow oh so he

was a police officer at the game he

wasn't like getting arrested wonder how

much time they gave him crime ciders

offering to buy vomit man a satellite

dish to discourage him from going to any

more games a satellite

dish Fu he's going to be

pumped vomit man getting a hold of a

satellite this let me buy you something

from the past you

know he got 30 to 90 day days in jail

and two years of probation oh did he wow

damn also quick update the Eric Adams

video was from 2011 when he's a senator

it went reviral Sor doing that is KFC

posted it on bar stool yeah check inside

of your son's baseball bat man he could

be hiding a couple of Viking in

there it's ridiculous you know

look under your little daughter's pillow

she could have some uh hookers or

escorts under there like what check

under the bed found you a under

there

yeah hey you oh you think that's a boogy

man under your son's bed that's some

Boogie that's a that's an

escort right there the khakis are so

nice in that video khakis and a blazer

just there could be bullets in there oh

you think that's a stuffed ludicrous

doll but open up its back and boom what

do you got a balloon of crystal and a

couple of Naran

chewables um what were we talking about

dude vomit man oh yeah you moved here I

did yeah you moved here since we last

talked to you yeah you made a big move

so like um cuz you moved from New York

yeah wow and was there part of you that

was kind of scared was there like what

were you thinking cuz I mean I've

thought about it you know and and a lot

of people have done it you know no I'd

come down here a lot because you know do

Rogan's podcast do podcast down here do

comedy so I've been down here enough so

I wasn't worried about like living here

I was worried

about uh Comics being like ah he

left New York he's trying to

suck Rogan's dick that that was like I

was like that's gonna happen I know that

uh no I was excited Matt was excited

about it so I knew I had Matt coming

down with me and then we brought our

other friends and it's good yeah yeah

yeah I uh and ta taxes are oh yeah yeah

butt New York dude yeah it's crazy

it's great yeah and uh oh what's that in

your daughter's bedroom what's that in

the case oh that's extra taxes that's

what tax dude that's taxes and a couple

of SAS bro like damn lot of taxes up

there oh it's crazy it's extra I think

14% what's the state tax rate in New

York City up there Zachary I think it's

uh 10. oh he's guessing what is it no

I'm not guessing I got

here

4% to 10.9% you see here wow because Los

Angeles is 13 I think per I was Hing

around that 4% range for a while when I

lived in New York and then you probably

moved up into at least that

6.85% yes yeah yeah dude so that's kind

of crazy so you moved yeah like yeah I

think some people say that they're like

oh do you want to move there because

Rogan's there because Dylan's there it

seems like the new thing and I think

yeah I kind of maybe I don't know if I

had some fear I I don't know I don't

know if I had fear of that you

definitely think oh people think you're

just yeah you're just riding that guy's

wiener you know yeah somebody F yeah I

mean um but also he's like I would say

if I was still in New York somebody else

moved here be like

couldn't take it I'd do the same thing

so yeah come back and pay these high

taxes pay these taxes live in a

hole in New York

yeah um but no I just want to move to a

place where you could do standup during

the week and forever it was just New

York and La that's true now now you can

do it in Nashville and Austin does it

feel well Nashville you cannot oh really

yeah you cannot it's not the same I will

I'll say that 100% it is not the same as

what the it feels like here yeah like

even just going over to um the

mothership it's like you can do three

sets in a night probably yeah you can do

you can do four every single time

there's usually two shows in the small

room two in the wow main room I mean

that's CRA you do four sets a night yeah

four sets a night in the same building

you can go do I mean that's that's

unprecedented you it's changing what's

nice is watching like like mccusker cuz

he was in Philly where you can't do that

and now he's been living here just a few

months and he's he's got he's gotten so

good really just from doing yeah he can

do it every night yeah I met him last

night or I met him uh at your yeah I met

him at your podcast I met his wife too

yeah Britney is her name yeah yeah yeah

yeah she got he gots a beautiful little

wife she's great

um yeah dude I think having that much

ability to get up is is it starts to

change you you're like oh I just

practiced it it didn't go in there let

me let me try it you're like right there

you get to bomb four times yeah take it

on the road and be like I'm not going to

change anything it's still not

working this episode is sponsored by

prize

piics do you love firing on Sports well

prize picks is the best daily fantasy

sports app for you indeed you can fire

on all your favorite fantasy sports like

NBA

NFL

UFC and other

sports that's right with prize picks

instead of choosing teams you choose

individual players that's what I like

about it's novel it has a unique

approach each player has a set

projection and you either choose more or

less than that set projection for

example you might choose the kid KY cat

Mr George KD and more than 70 receiving

yards or you might choose Lamar Jackson

and less than two and a half

touchdowns prize picks is the place you

do it at if you are smart with sports

and you know what players are going to

perform on what nights then prize picks

is the best app for you download the app

and use code Theo and prize picks will

match your deposit up to

$100 cold turkey it might be great on

sandwiches but there's a better way to

break your habits that's right we're not

talking about some weird mind Voodoo or

seing or something from your crazy

neighbor who's really just trying to do

some Mary Kay sales or whatever and

trying to be sneaky but we're talking

about our sponsor fume that's right and

they look at the problem in a different

way not everything in a bad habit is

wrong so instead of a drastic

uncomfortable change why not just remove

the bad from your habit you get it

instead of bad fume is good it's a habit

you're free to enjoy and makes replacing

your bad habit easy instead of vapor

fume uses flavored Air instead of

electronics fume is completely natural

and instead of harmful chemicals fume

uses delicious flavors that's right

start the year off right with the good

habit by going to trif nume.com Theo and

getting the journey pack today fume is

giving listeners of the show 10% off

when they use my code Theo to help make

starting the good habit that much

easier yeah that's wild dude yeah um

what has been like did you find a house

immediately how did you find a house

down here uh I just just had a lady a

real estate lady I was like I just need

a house that's furnished cuz I don't

have anything yeah so she first house

she picked out I was like that's it oh

yeah and I didn't see it until I moved

in nuh-uh it was nice yeah I moved in I

was like it's nice oh it's like

that show where you meet your wife the

first time yeah like Indians yeah that's

crazy dude bro because here's the

craziest part about that getting married

like that is you what if you know your

parents are lames dude like

they've been picking out for you

for Christmas

and they pick out like horrible I

don't know there's also the the the forc

marriage is kind of nice though cuz if I

like an ugly chick MH I'm like damn

people are going to find out about this

you know what I mean right now if it's

just like dude I had to you know what I

mean it's like my parents made me

this chick forever I don't care it's

girl's a girl D yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah dude oh I got it yeah it's like

being on a desert island oh I gotta tell

people next time down there what's that

I'm saying like if you're stuck on a

desert island you're going to you

know it's like this is who I'm with I

have to yeah there's no judgment here oh

yeah or like Epstein's

Island yeah you know if you're on island

you got all whatever my bad it's not I

think look let's talk about it if you're

on an island you have to Fu and there's

a lot of young people running around and

you're the only adult yeah what are you

going to do dude what are you going to

do come on man this way you need to

check through your

child check through your child's in

books easily in there they could have a

couple ninja stars and a bear trap that

guy's out of his mind that's

good

stuff um yeah dude uh what were we

talking

about was it

Island yeah we're talking about you

buying a house unseen yeah yeah that's

Brave I was the thing I was most worried

about was the television M cuz I thought

it was like they I thought they were

going to hit me with like the Airbnb

pictures like you get there and you're

like a this house sucks TV's big

right so I'm good oh that's good H we're

set thank God it's furnished I would

have never I'd never furnish it really

yeah I have one folding chair in front

of the TV yeah yeah yeah my house was

furnished when I got my house thank God

and uh and then who told me oh Tom sigur

told me in this room he said hey man you

got to start getting some art for

yourself you have to get something you

like because it really does start to

change the way that you think about your

own home Tom Tom's becoming like the

Jay-Z of stand up like you got to invest

in art

yeah he's got art he's got sneakers he's

got uh yamar uh what the car is called

the fastest one McLaren McLaren is that

it yeah that's wild to me I think I

would be scared to be like real rich I

wouldn't know how to do it I bet you're

all right oh I think I'm I'm okay having

more money for sure but I think if I

tried to be real Rich I just don't know

how I would I don't know what I would

spend money on you

know like would you get a super fast car

um no I don't I'm afraid to drive fast

yeah yeah I think yeah I just don't know

what I would get probably guns probably

a couple you got to get guns Yeah couple

for your neighbors couple for you yeah

give them out yeah you don't want to

shoot at your neighbors hide them in

your kids room your neighbor kids room

start planting guns oh damn

what's this behind this child's bathing

suit right there it's an AR15 yeah

oh that's a oh you think that's a the

most dangerous gun in the world yeah you

think that's a water weapon that's a

AR15 right there with some blood on it

no I get I understand Tom though he's

doing I mean he's got he's he's got

money why should you know oh I think

there's he knows how to spend it yeah I

just wonder what yeah I guess I hadn't

really thought about what I would spend

what I would buy like if I bought myself

something nice you know have you started

to think I mean well you got yourself a

house yeah I rented it yeah yeah I

didn't buy yeah but that's nice yeah

that's nice yeah I don't know hot air

balloon or something cool be

nice those are scary though I'd rather

go fast than get one of those yeah but

if you really Master the art of it I got

a buddy that used to fly one and he

could that would show the

up H hold on you see these things

crash huh dude they come down on power

lines and it's so funny yeah if you

don't know what you're doing yeah I

think you got to get one of those D yeah

pull up some crashes huh you got to pull

up and some of them run on diesel I

think huh they catch fire too yeah yeah

it's scary what's that in your

four-year-old's bedroom a hot air

balloon

H oh look at this coming in

hot oh some guy in his son H hang on

hang

on hang on

Tater balloon

crash the wind's picked up sometimes if

people have a really thick Sun they'll

name their nickname is always like a

starchy food you ever noticed that yeah

come on Tater T get it done cake pop

that's

yeah yeah get in there pancake batter

they'll call

them it's my son pancake batter come on

batter get in the truck dude we're going

to fly a balloon just

Hang On Pop hang on cake pop hang on

cake pop cake pop

NOP dude and you know one of their

family members definitely shot that

down in the distance dude that's

also a risk dude anyone could shoot you

down anonymously dude you can take those

things out you'll never get caught yeah

pull that up man anonymously shoots down

hot your balloons watch there's like

2,000 videos of that get a Confederate

flag air balloon oo that'd be cool huh

yeah let it fly get a Target go tough

huh yeah go tough on them see who see

who wants to shoot it down you

dude fly past like uh like the

uh Bou classic or something every year

get him fired

up but dude I will say this if you hang

one speaker out of it playing do the

stanky leg everybody will let it go

by people will be like oh all right oh

there we go Civil War yeah they had them

yeah what were the hot air balloons used

during the Civil War for they would just

use it

surveillance oh it's spy plane I think

Napoleon used them first really maybe

not first but he was he was using it's

like bums with drones like we were

talking about yeah i' Scar the out

of you if the other side had that both

the union and Confederacy used hot air

balloons for reconnaissance to help

determine the location of troops and

artillery this innovation in aerial

Warfare was a Trailblazer for for it

time as it took place 42 years before

the invention of the airplane

wow but dude imagine that starts

going down near the enemy oh

can't turn it just hang

on hold on cake pop cake pop

No god dude that kind of shit's just

heartbreaking no hot air

balloons you can't get you don't want

one of those but imagine you run outside

you in one huh yeah I've been one really

yeah I've been in one uh I was with my

buddy's dad when we were kids he like

proposed to this lady in one dude and

yeah and she said no and so then we're

like well what the we're that's a

tough rest of the trip yeah and we were

trying not to like act excited cuz we're

in there because he we could tell like

he was bummed out it's tough to be

bummed out on like the ledge of a hot

air like looking away from them

like trying to be sad oh it was sad dude

and that guy's always he's been sad

since then there's a lot of videos of

him online and he's always listening to

that song um there goes my hero watch

him as he goes just seeing his old self

just being like that that's the man I

used to be yeah Tiffany was his

girlfriend's name and she's like I don't

think so that's how she said it we're

like what the

it's like yeah and it was like 70

more minutes we had to spend up there

yeah long cuz the tour guy I think he

didn't really play know what was going

on so he just kept giving us the tour of

like oh no yeah

oh it's like that to just makes you

wonder what's going on yeah I think that

people up like when you're

supposed to be happy like a cool like a

hot air balloon or like yeah that kid

jumping off the cruise ship like

having something like that was supposed

to be fun and good get horribly ruined

yeah that kid was from Baton Rouge

Louisiana I don't know if we talked

about that last time we were together

but maybe that kid was good top he was

just partying and he jumped off and

never seen again check this out

yeah but the craziest is people were

like that's a shark there's like one

little piece of like water and it just

looks like some white and like definite

shark people make like comments like

that online oh quick for a shark to

munch him that quick if impossible I

feel like they take their time right

well also the odds of shark is going to

be right there at that moment I do think

sharks follow cruise

ships Serge called off oh that's the

toughest oh that's

yeah

bye oh saying bye-bye to him oh that's

the worst you got to regret that you

know dude something like that happened

to me man it was when we had a guy who

fell on a basketball court and died when

we were kids and when he fell I yelled

out like Reggie Lewis remember there was

that guy Reggie Lewis that had died no

Reggie Lewis look him up if you can

Reggie

Lewis

uh that's him right there Reginald C

Lewis was an american professional

basketball player for the

NBA Boston Celtics that was it beautiful

man right there and he collapsed on the

court who was there was another guy that

did that too that was like a I think it

was BJ

Armstrong maybe is your famous

um Keon Johnson no no no don't just name

a black guy Johnson no there's some yeah

but but it happens to people but yeah

this happened to him and so we thought

this guy just fallen down tripped and so

I remember yelling that out Reggie Lewis

and then they tried to revive him and he

died oh no I didn't Jinx him that's

insane to say toed him dude I can't

believe you put that

on I didn't Jinx him sounds look up if I

jinxed him or

not I don't think you jinxed him yeah

that's heartbreaking though I'm sorry

that I did that um how's it have you

felt good about moving here now once you

moved here was it kind of like different

or was it different than you thought

like what are some things that were kind

of cool about it I don't know it's I you

know you know when you move I was sad

for like a week oh really yeah I was by

myself it was scary I was used to having

I was used to live in apartments

I lived in Philly and New York the last

decade so I was like there's usually

somebody around

now I was out there by myself I got

scared for a while I was scared really I

get scared at night noises yeah yeah you

think it's a noise and he says you

farted just waking myself up with

farts the was

that uh yeah I mean I was scared for a

while yeah I would I was emotional I

would cry during movies when I was at at

night by myself oh yeah yeah uh so

that's what you have to look forward to

scary and you cry that's it oh that's

just think that's just part of the

American condition these days then oh

you're fine then yeah that was all um

yeah because I think I thought I don't

know if I thought naille would be a

busier comedy scene I I I didn't think

that um because they just have one Club

it's like a functioning Club there right

it's like they have a a headliner flies

in every weekend so they they help you

as much as they can but they just don't

have as much space you know um and then

there's not a lot as many other rooms

around the area but here it's like yeah

it feels like you could go we met a guy

last night he done like five spots you

know yeah you can do that here it's like

wow yeah I mean that's crazy to think

you could do that in a city I mean there

was never maybe Chicago you could do

that in maybe I don't know New York

obviously you can yeah la la definitely

those are the two yeah but that was yeah

I don't

know um but yeah you can do it if you

want yeah

yeah all right this is going well this

is going well um what else we got I'm

trying to think of other uh horrible

deaths I can think of oh D you what

about that there was something I was

looking at the other day it was a um

pull up that what's that Death Page on

Twitter where they have a lot of deaths

on there it's an animal I might have

even sent it to you the other day oh

history photographed we were looking at

this picture uh back in the day they had

to hang an elephant oh there you go to

just read the C this just to look at the

judicial system in the world right

so this elephant right the hanging of

Mary the ele elephant also known as

murderous Mary I guess a bad elephant

was publicly executed for killing her

Handler in 1916 it was meant to be a

warning to other criminal

elephants

so there

go so it just you got to think the

judicial abilities of human beings is

always why

but I guess if you're another elephant

you gotta be

like yeah I see what's going on here

yeah these mother mean business cut uh I

mean the idea though yeah the guy who

was likeing hang that

everyone else is probably

shoot it in the

head behind closed doors we'll just

we'll be done with this elephant like

behind a huge closed door doing we got

to make an example of this yeah yeah not

this murderous marry not this have

you seen what she's fing doing she

probably did some pretty crazy yeah

this Drank 200 gallons ofing water I uh

I had a friend who's uh a friend of

their mother's was like a big elephant

Advocate like was like she was a rich

lady so she was like save the elephant

oh yeah rich people do that man that was

her cause and then she fin kids hate

them so they save rare animals so then

she was like all right she went to

Africa to like her first trip to meet

the elephants and one of them killed her

oh killed her

dude and they don't I don't think people

no this about elephant they don't kill

you it's not fun dude they don't it's

they ground you they use their face and

mush you into the ground oh yeah it's

like when you see people do like um the

stone ground uh yeah into the flower and

stuff yeah I just like they're Artisan

chefs elephants are they are they'll

grind you up oh that's heartbreaking

elephant kills oh this is a different

one but yes this is also incredible damn

whoa hold on this is awesome is elephant

a euphemism for somebody because let's

go back and read this elephant kills

woman and returns to her funeral

elephant kills woman and returns to her

funeral to attacker corpse

wow o odisha India bizarre animal

stories are heard often Maya meru was

collecting water in ripi village located

in the me

B my Bahan District of odisha India when

a herd of elephants came her way she

tried to flee but one of them rushed her

oh that's heartbreaking

man let me see at the ceremony was taken

place the times video reported that a

herd of elephants appeared from the

force sending villagers running they

left meu's body behind wow she had a

liquid death

what one of the elephants did reportedly

attacked the woman's Court by picking up

the body and throwing it in the

air

wow thankfully there's a video should I

play it yeah I don't know let's take a

vote in the

room I mean it's all right I'm not

everybody said yes

yeah that's

good I didn't want to do

[Laughter]

it oh man oh this is just after the

aftermath yeah I don't think they I

don't think

oh that'd be the worst I think if the

element came in your house that'd be up

there cuz even if you go in another room

it can just come right in there yeah

it's not like it has to use the door you

know that' be so hectic man I mean

especially like at your mom's funeral

yeah you're like there's that

that did it yeah he's

coming back to everybody else up

too

mhm you think he could do a big crime

like that do a big murder I I don't

think I could murder I don't think well

now you think it's just an empty bottle

of Prime on your child's window sill

well open it up and Bam that's some

homemade lean topped off with a little

mini cache of nerve gas who was that for

dude that's Eric

yeah who's K was that Hunter

Biden's room yeah that's crazy but yeah

that actually was yeah oh what's this

here that's a My Little Pony no that's a

my little F and all stash

yeah um what else can we talk about dude

I don't know that's about as good as it

gets though hot air balloons yeah

elephants but if you could do a

murder or not man yeah I know God

wouldn't want me to do it that would be

the thing yeah he would be like don't do

it

buddy and I would be like I'm not gonna

and then I would maybe sneak I swear I'm

not going to do it hit under the table

so God can't see little greo little Han

Solo they should have tables that are

like God resistant or whatever like

whatever happens under here you know

yeah um I remember a girl let me feel

her back one time at the library we're

kind of horny children or whatever yeah

I guess she didn't want me touching her

breast whatever I think maybe I don't I

didn't even know what was going on but

back's good she's like you can feel on

my back back's real good and that extra

man we just feeling her back I'm going

to be a back man now that you mention it

nice huh rubbing a lady's back

it's one big flat long

tit yeah that's all the back is you say

yeah you know yeah let me get that flat

let me get the small the small of the

back put your hand there you got holy

dud if you touched one the small of

her back and her body her she it felt

warmer there you're like I don't know

you know it like she was baking cookies

in her butt or something yeah it felt

always war or there you know what I'm

talking about it is warm yeah like whoa

what am I doing down here I remember the

first time a girl let me touch a small

her back and had some hair on it right

cuz her dad was really

tough and I was like I don't care I'll

pet this girl yeah I don't mind

I will pet this I'm in

love girls sometimes girls have really

hairy butts really yeah I think

naturally girls sometimes have I think

they have to they have to work on that I

don't some of them get like man's ass I

don't think they do dude I don't think

these are unless I'm getting

tricked you're getting tricked by some

of that that ass search girl hairy ass

girl yeah bring something up we have

blockers on a lot of our stuff but if

you can get around some of it maybe on

Twitter are you allowed to show hair I

was looking for a picture but read this

top Reddit

post my girlfriend has a lot of hair on

her ass how do I approach this great

question let's let's review this do you

have problem is that her is very

hairy this is on ask women by the way

the

subd if it bothers you so much you can't

be with her because of it you have to

straight up tell her about it why is she

getting all ratchet all a suddenly

somebody just reported hair she's like

you got to straight up tell her about it

period honey your hairy disturbs

me here's the actual post but I think

you're um my girlfriend is beautiful and

she does a great job of manicuring her

lady bits the problem is that her

and they wrote it like that is

very hairy it's kind of a turnoff when

I'm down there a few would wouldn't

bother me but this is a lot more than a

few

oh how did you all start taking care of

your nether regions did you read about

it in a magazine or you just do it

naturally how should I approach this

topic with her without getting her upset

start getting those magazines laying

them around yeah she's taking a hairy

ass you can leave one in the

bathroom e dude hairy butt

ladies you hary butt I know starting to

bother me again

dude I don't know if I would mind a

little hair like on the hips probably I

just think the actual cheeks if there

were hair on them the crack dude not the

cheeks like a man's like an Italian

man's ass God damn dude like a

Jewish Sideburn down there huh yeah

getting in her Jewish tunnels you see

them coming out of tunnels what oh oh

the

or bring that up dude Jew it's better

they're getting some bad PR lately and

that's this might be the worst one guy

came out all right this is I swear to

God I'm not being anti-semitic a dude

Jewish dude coming out of a sord grate

in New York oh yeah it defit a video of

that and it's a New York synagogue

erupted into a chaos Monday night let's

play a bit of it all right that is tough

to address though I know we're moving on

to Jews and tunnels but well well let's

finish it out then ass woman let's

finish out then we'll go to this because

I think well I think the tough well some

people they make hair on their bodies to

survive cold weather can you look that

up Zach you know what I'm talking about

I think yeah I think that's what it airs

for yeah so sometimes you don't want to

have a wife that can't survive if you

know you don't want to put the AC at 60

always cold yeah yeah you don't want to

put AC at 64 one night and then she

she's dead in the

morning you know it's a good trade-off

would you accept your girl to never

complain about being cold but

she has to have a hairy ass or she

complains every single day now

what if it were like stuffed animal hair

that would be kind of fun that would be

nice that I agree with but I'm telling

you I've seen videos D these girls have

Italian man's ass like long hair

like dude it looks like a dude's

ass pull up something oh no oh my

god well that's more than I've ever seen

but oh wow that's a lot

huh and you can't see this video on the

audio but there's just a black girl

watching it with her mouth open the same

face we're all make yeah oh my God all

right holy

dude wow I'm telling you dude they have

Greek man's ass wow and what who has

that who has the most hair on their ass

is

it I haven't found a culture I would say

Russ look that up and what do you do how

do you approach that you

Mediteranean how do you approach that

with a woman I don't know how I would

never but you you've obviously dealt

with it no and South Asian descender

reported have a relatively high amount

of body hair Mediterranean Mediterranean

Middle Eastern and South Asian

descent wow yeah I think God I just

because the crazy thing see if you feel

down her butt and then you feel some

hair

there but you have to still be hopeful

for you know I just think yeah what do

you do yeah I don't know how to address

my friend was talking to me about

addressing his he was afraid his

girlfriend was gaining weight and he was

like so I told her and I was like damn I

would never I would let her get fat and

then resent her and break up with her

yeah also who am I to criticize but you

know you know I think a lot of people do

that a lot of people oh I was even if

they're not gaining weight or whatever I

think I was in I stayed with a girl just

because I hated her so much

once I was like well if if you if I if I

let you go you might find happiness I'm

going to make sure you're

miserable too isn't that horrible and I

feel horrible about that but I was young

and I was just that kind of you

know I didn't know how to operate or be

a decent human at all but yeah pull up

that ass again buddy oh

yeah it's the other cheek that gets you

cuz that cheek's already almost

done I love how one of the black girls

eyes keeps closing more she watches more

of it

dude oh that's crazy man God yeah but

then but then I bet here now we'll say

this Shane think about it a long time

ago 1300s fours or whenever early right

and you get a woman and she has hair on

her bet it feels good I bet it does feel

good you

know that's good now if you're a

freak and you start petting it a little

I some of it is how you approach it I

could see that you're like a let me pet

this little hair hair

butt that's nice twist it up a

little yeah hey let me get a little in

yank it real hard which you do expected

that's

fun that's fun dude dude I got hair like

on my legs and I've been running a lot

bro and it starts to get tangled up and

I'm like what the heck that's been

pretty challenging do you wish you'd

learned how to manage money in school I

do God I didn't you know I was keeping

up my money and my dang underpant drawer

and all of that I forgot to cash checks

I need had to cash them and so I had

dang 40 checks and the pizza place I

worked at went out of business and I

lost a lot of that money but it's hard

it's hard if you don't know about money

building credit and that sort of thing

well I can tell you that the build card

from

current will make Banking and crediting

a lot easier when you get the B build

card from current you can build credit

safely while you bank that's right it's

a secured credit card that lets you use

your own money to build credit yeah

they've got one coming to me this build

card from current so I'm excited to

check that out you can sign up in less

than two minutes to get started today