Shane Gillis | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #478
Summary
TLDRComedians Theo Von and Shane Gillis have a wide-ranging conversation, discussing Von's upcoming shows at the Greek Theater and Kia Forum in Los Angeles as part of Netflix's comedy festival, Gillis recently moving to Austin, Texas, their thoughts on planning comedy tours, the possibility of society unraveling and what they predict could happen, unusual news stories like a man clinging to the front of a moving car and secret underground tunnels being discovered in New York, their comedic takes on unusual topics like hairy female body parts, and more. The two longtime friends and comedians touch on many topics in their signature humorous style.
Takeaways
- 😀 Shane has recently moved from New York to Austin, Texas
- 😲 They discuss absurd news stories like a rabbi emerging from an underground tunnel and a man clinging to the front of a moving car
- 🎤 Shane talks about upcoming comedy tour dates and performing at large venues like the Greek Theater in LA
- ☠️ They joke about leading an army of homeless people in a revolution against the wealthy
- 🎳 The possibility of sports leagues having divisions for transgender athletes is discussed
- 😨 Childhood stories are shared about getting caught masturbating
- 🤮 A drunk Phillies fan vomited on a cop's kid at a game
- 😡 Parents yelling at refs at kids' games is critiqued
- 🐘 An elephant that killed its handler and then attacked its corpse at the funeral is mentioned
- 🤔 The prevalence of autism and its potential links to contamination in food and environment are discussed
Q & A
Where is Shane Gillis originally from?
-Shane is originally from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He recently moved from New York City to Austin, Texas.
What venues is Shane performing at in Los Angeles?
-Shane is performing at the Greek Theater and The Forum in LA in May 2023 as part of the Netflix Is A Joke comedy festival.
What is one of the appeals of living in Austin for a comedian?
-Austin offers lots of stage time for comics. Shane mentions being able to do 3-4 sets a night at the Comedy Store in Austin, which allows comedians to practice material frequently.
What podcast was Shane a guest on previously?
-Shane was previously a guest on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, hosted by Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis.
What controversial news clip do Shane and Theo discuss?
-They discuss a clip of the Mayor of New York, Eric Adams, giving advice to parents on searching their kids' rooms for guns and drugs.
What food contamination issue do they talk about?
-They discuss a report that found plasticizers/phthalates present in most supermarket and fast foods tested.
What is one of Shane's thoughts on the future of the U.S.?
-Shane wonders if society could be heading towards some kind of revolution or collapse at some point, if enough people stop following laws and rules.
What does Theo encourage Shane to get?
-Theo encourages Shane to get some guns if he becomes very rich.
What sport do they joke about having a division for transgender athletes?
-They joke about mixed martial arts having a transgender division for competitors.
What viral news story features a blind child playing football?
-They discuss a news story where a young blind child plays in a football game, which they find quite surprising.
Outlines
😄 Introduction to Theo's Comedy Show and Guest Shane Gillis
Theo Von introduces his comedy podcast and guest Shane Gillis. They briefly discuss Shane's recent move to Austin, Texas.
😀 Discussing Past and Future Comedy Touring Plans
Theo and Shane discuss their approaches to touring. Theo prefers smaller, intimate tours while Shane is doing larger shows like the LA Greek Theatre. They talk about the pros and cons of different venue sizes.
😆 Talking About Taking Ayahuasca
Theo shares his experience taking ayahuasca several years ago. He describes the intense effects and feeling like he was with God. Shane has also tried it and agrees it's a powerful psychedelic experience.
😀 Seeking Interesting Podcast Guests Like Carnival Workers
Theo and his team have been trying to book interesting podcast guests like carnival workers. However, they are often busy working on weekends.
🤣 Laughing at Absurd News Stories and Videos
Theo and Shane laugh at absurd news stories and viral videos: A mayor teaching parents how to search kids' rooms, a man clinging to the front of a moving car, a blind football player, a Jew emerging from a manhole.
😬 Discussing Women's Body Hair and Dating
Theo and Shane have an awkward discussion about women's body hair preferences. Theo claims some women naturally have a lot of hair 'like a man's ass,' but Shane disagrees.
😨 Reacting to a Video of an Elephant Attacking a Funeral
Theo and Shane watch a shocking video of an elephant crashing a funeral in India and attacking the woman's corpse. They are stunned by the bizarre and tragic event.
😆 Talking About Executing a Homeless Revolution
As an absurd hypothetical, Theo and Shane jokingly discuss executing a 'homeless revolution' by arming the homeless with weapons and having them take over cities.
🤔 Philosophizing About a Coming Societal Collapse
Theo wonders if society is headed towards collapse as people increasingly disobey laws and rules. Shane agrees it's possible if enough people decide not to follow them.
😂 Laughing at a Man Being Electrocuted
In a dark moment, Theo shares a story of cruelly laughing at a man being accidentally electrocuted instead of helping him. Shane can relate to the inappropriate reaction.
😡 Annoyed by Obnoxious Sports Fans
Theo and Shane complain about obnoxious parents loudly yelling at kid's sports games and amateur referees.
🤯 Shocked by Orthodox Jews Building Secret Tunnels
Theo and Shane react to news reports about Orthodox Jews building secret tunnels under synagogues, leading to offensive jokes.
😞 Sad Childhood Story About a Classmate's Death
Theo shares a sad story from childhood - he jokingly yelled 'Reggie Lewis' when a classmate collapsed, referencing an athlete who died on court. The classmate ended up dying.
🤠 Brainstorming a Revolution of Armed Homeless People
As an absurd hypothetical, Theo and Shane jokingly discuss executing a 'homeless revolution' by arming the homeless with weapons like ninja swords and having them take over cities.
😬 Making Crude Jokes About College Women's Sports
Theo and Shane make provocative jokes about 'tricking their way' into women's locker rooms at college volleyball games.
🥳 Excited for Shane's Upcoming Shows at the Forum and Greek Theatre
Shane shares he's performing at LA's Greek Theatre and Forum for a Netflix comedy festival. Theo is thrilled for him and predicts the large shows will sell out.
😃 Wrapping Up the Conversation
As the podcast wraps up, Theo congratulates Shane on his success. They jokingly discuss where people would flee if society collapsed. Theo closes out thanking Shane.
Mindmap
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Keywords
💡comedy
💡current events
💡pop culture
💡relationships
💡sports
💡parenting
💡celebrity
💡controversy
💡drugs
💡social class
Highlights
Shane has recently moved from New York to Austin, Texas.
Shane discusses his upcoming shows at the Greek Theater and The Forum in LA as part of Netflix's comedy festival.
Theo talks about his experience taking ayahuasca and describes the intense effects.
They joke about the idea of Shannon recruiting a "bum army" armed with weapons to start a revolution.
Discussion of the bizarre video of the mayor of New York teaching parents how to search their kids' rooms for guns and drugs.
Talk about the news story of the blind teenager Dylan Collier courageously playing football.
Theo recalls getting accidentally electrocuted as a kid and people's reactions.
Debate over whether some women naturally have hairy bottoms.
Discussion of the trend of transgender athletes competing in women's sports.
Talk about new research finding plastic chemicals present in most supermarket foods.
Anecdote about Shane's embarrassing photos with fans.
Shane describes initially feeling lonely and getting scared at night when he first moved to Austin.
Discussion about the challenges of doing outdoor comedy festival shows.
Debate whether society seems to be approaching some kind of breaking point or revolution.
Review of the crazy viral video of the older white man clinging to the front of a car while the driver speeds around.
Transcripts
I have new tour dates to tell you about
I'll be in New Orleans Louisiana we're
coming back over there we're going to do
it at the Sanger theater down now down
now downtown March 29th and 30th that's
Easter weekend uh get your tickets early
with the pre-sale code Rat King starting
this Wednesday January 17th at 10:00
a.m. local time General on sale begins
Friday January 19th at 10: a.m. local
time we also have tickets remaining in
Charlottesville State College Amhurst uh
Brisbane Sydney in the Australia and
Atlanta Georgia get all your tickets at
theovon
docomo we are down here in Austin Texas
today over at Rooster Teeth Studios and
we are happy to be here and really happy
to let you know about today's guest um
he's one of the brightest young
comedians in the world he is just a damn
I mean just a long damn just Ivory
Flamingo of a of a boy and he is just so
humorous and you know him from Matt and
Shane's secret podcast and his latest
special beautiful dogs on Netflix I'm
grateful to get to spend time today with
my friend Mr Shane
[Music]
Gillis I'll sit and tell you my story
[Music]
shine on
me and I
[Music]
[Applause]
willing you ready I don't know I'm
really not it's a podcast who gives a
we can sit here and say nothing and
people be like
unbelievable the two comedic Geniuses of
our time done it again Legend going be
like yo how do you jack off how do you
poop people like holy
yeah I'm not worried about
it Legend dude how weird how weird is it
when people start saying you're a legend
you're like uh I just ate a Wendy's
Burger in the like family restroom by
myself I'm
depressed yeah that's always weird I
think cuz that's probably started to
happen you people were like dude this
guy's the king right some yeah yeah for
sure a lot of I've heard stuff like that
off-road Elvis people call you that late
Elvis Vegas Elvis fat Fat Sweaty dying
Elvis that actually fires me up I'll
take that yeah people say uh like you'd
be like the baddest Dyke in the world
people say I've heard that just
crazy and I mean holding back water I'm
not talking about oh yeah yeah stick a
finger in there dude if we went what if
we did under we were undercover lesbians
I think you and me can pull that off
real easy you get rid of that not all of
it I know oh yeah leave a little stubble
like one of those really crazy lesbians
yeah like the ones that are like you
know they want you to know they could
have been a men if they wanted to but
they chose this route for sure
yeah
um good to see you man good to see you
man Shane bro nice to see you dude happy
to see you you too man thanks for thanks
for hanging out and uh yeah and I was so
glad that I got to do Matt and Shane's
secret podcast bro yes dude dude that
was awesome that uh Matt's amazing
Matt's one of those guys it's like you
Tim Dylan and Matt are the guys Nick
Mullen can do it too it's nice to be on
a podcast with you guys where you can
just sit there and be like all right go
because I'm not I feel like I'm not that
great at it I'm good at you know yeah
I'm it's nice to have somebody that's
just like good at think geed up then I
can you know I can do something you know
yeah yeah you can but then I get yeah
sometimes the wheel start to fall off I
agree I I'm actually very similar if I'm
like all right this is fun I'm having a
good day sometimes I'll just yeah not
many not many funny responses just yeah
doing it with a buddy is so fun dude
because you have like there's just
somebody to talk to like sometimes I do
them by myself and I'm like I wish
there was somebody else here you know
doing it by yourself is crazy that's so
crazy I can I can't imagine
how often do you do that it really is I
think I do it like once a month right
now by myself be hard yeah I think it's
let me think about what it's like uh I
think sometimes it's just tough because
you're own if you have a bad attitude
it's just you you know I can't imag yeah
if I if I felt bad I would go on there
and just be like hey I feel bad but then
you don't want to be every week like hey
I feel like I know I've been in
several months of that yeah every
episode I'm like hung over again
yeah God damn it this is depressing yeah
really it makes you feel that like you
like every time you show up you're like
oh I'm hung over and you start to notice
a pattern you mean oh yeah for sure yeah
drinking too much that's but I love it I
love it dude I can't there's there's no
part of me that's like all right stop oh
yeah just like no this you got it that's
what you tell yourself you got no then
you're fully in control n man you're
good in complete control D dude one time
we were drinking with my buddy and uh he
got into the Uber right and he just
didn't get his like he had like real
kind of heavy legs cuz his mom kind of
had heavy legs but she would wear tight
pants and you kind of couldn't tell but
if you were over there a lot you knew
yeah that she kind of had really stocky
legs and um but he was bringing his
second leg into the Uber and his sandal
fell off right so then we had this place
we go bro he shows off no yeah
everybody was just like he just seems so
much drunker than he was you know it's
crazy I lo yeah that's yeah losing one
piece of Footwear and somebody's like oh
that guy like a lens of a glasses one
lens you're hammered dude you're
a crackhead now oh yeah that's that's
insane I feel like losing a glass is
lens you got a really yeah your kids are
like nuh-uh yeah yeah your kids are like
we're not we're going to order
pizza forever it's Pizza time yeah um
what was I looking at this morning that
was making me laugh it was um oh do you
see that thing with the mayor do you see
that thing with mayor with the mayor of
New York
no it's a um oh yeah this is it right
here do you see this so Eric Adams he
teaches what is he saying they're
teaching kids how to they're teaching
parents how to search your kids' room to
find drugs and gun stuff get you see
this you can look at a jewelry box a
jewelry box of this nature maybe a
simple jewelry box but if you look
through it closely you don't know what
your child may be hiding for instance a
gun that's from
New York government like make it scary
as hold on hold on start it over
that music is crazy scare the out
of these people it's like it almost
seems like a um like the story before
Castle Vania starts like on a video game
jewelry box a jewelry box this is
opening menu May a simp box but if you
look through it closely you don't know
what your child may be hiding for
instance a gun look at picture frames
behind them
try to determine what's what's taking
place behind a picture frame you can
find bullets you should always when your
child bring video game that's where you
find bullets in video games look through
it to see look through his naag you
might find a
grenade in addition to a book something
simple as a crack pipe something simple
as a as a baby dog what great is a kid
baby doll but also it could be a place
where you can secrete or hide
drugs secr this is the mayor that's
unusual like a pull like this with the
button is a perfect invitation to hide
something and I felt something bumpy I
will reach in see what it is just
look bro you guys have got to SL stop
man you guys have to see this I mean
it's just that's unbelievable look at
this where's wait where's the cocaine
at hi cocaine you can look in the
jewelry box a jewelry box I like it more
than just books to
jewry just look see what's inside your
bookcases more book this is like black
clue call me Colonel Mustard
look behind this picture of your cousin
what's that a eightball some
suppositories he's like oh look in look
in this baby doll what's in there a
shank a picture of Andy dof frame it's a
good kid I mean he's got guns and a
printer yeah oh it's a nice room yeah
it's like oh oh look under that Nintendo
switch oh what's that bam it's a 12
gauge and some tramad doll now and lers
he's got a lot of guns dud um that's
pretty awesome that's pretty awesome man
he's a good I like him Eric Adams yeah
he seems funny yeah seems
good yeah I think he obviously seems
down Earth he's willing to do that yeah
you know because that seems like it
could be like a sketch you know they
somebody think that was a sketch you
think who where's that from no that's
real it feels like Reno that's real
that's old though I don't know how that
has to be old there's no way New York it
was tweeted out like this week and
that's why it got the rounds I don't me
to punch holes in it cuz if that just
came out that looks like it's from 20
years ago it looks like that was yeah
check your son's Invisalign case he may
be hiding uh shotgun shells or just
bullets bullets yeah look behind that
autograph picture of Katie Perry oh
what's that that's a Gatling gun and
some oxies oh you you think it's just
your child's retainer case but open it
up and Bam it's an indentured servant
and some quays that is good for yeah
honky parents need to be doing this also
what do you mean like just you need to
find they need to find the weapons yeah
did your parents ever check your I'm
trying to think of my mom oh my mom came
in one time and I remember I was
touching myself right big
surprise and
uh she's like what what what are you
doing that's what she said shamed you
yeah she's like what are you
doing like and I was kind of sitting on
the bed it was almost like very almost
as if like in the 1800s you'd wandered
upon like a a guy who was like a a j
like a Jester traveling in the woods and
he taking off his suit and he's jerking
off on by the river bank or whatever you
know and she's like what are you doing
and I was like get out yeah and so then
she closed the door right she waited
like two seconds right I continued
Master B she came right back in dude I
had a hotel guy do this to me like a
couple months ago no way really I was in
Indianapolis a Indian man walked
straight in the room while I was jacking
off a real Indian guy wow no uh from
India oh yeah yes oh yeah Hotel yeah
definitely and he the guy at the front
stood there for yeah he stood there for
a while oh yeah and I was like yo you
got to get out of here and then he stood
outside the door waited like 15 seconds
and knocked oh wow I I started jacking
off as soon as he left again so I was
jerking off again I hear a knock
I was like dude get the out of here
what are you doing the crazy part is
imagining you walk over there with your
wiener still in your hand and look
through that little peephole you know
who somebody else someone different than
the guy I just screamed at with my
in my hand yeah hey get I was also I I
was naked laying on top of the ma bed oh
I didn't even get under the covers it
was right when I checked in oh that's
sad I just stripped down and went
straight to it you did yeah what is it
that makes us do that you know hotel
rooms it's almost like you know some
birds when they after they've flown for
a long way they'll like vomit right when
they land it's uh I don't want to it's
some like a seagull or something there
yeah you know some birds can fly almost
1100 miles before they land right but
there's some when they right when they
vomit they land will you look that up
yeah I see defensive vomiting that
turkey vultures do yeah I don't know
about when they land defensive vomiting
there a Philly a Phillies fan defensive
vomited on a kid one time really at a
game yeah the guy in front of him was
talking and he puked on his son
during the
baseball defensive that gu a turkey ball
dude yeah that's a Cracker Barrel
baptism right there dude got puked on at
a baseball game cuz your drunk dad with
one lens in his glasses was
mouthing off
dude there's way there's way too many
fights at these games these days or do
you think we're just recording them now
that's what it is I don't know there's
always been that many fights we're there
has always been that many fights but
it's so easy to get in a fight at a
sporting event yeah CU you want your
team to win so bad and then there's a
guy next to you like clapping hard for
the other team well people also some
yeah that's true so I hate him I can't
control this game but I can that
guy up oh it's a good point you know I
might be losing about 30 out there but
right here
going be moral Victory I'm going to get
arrested after the loss yeah I'm going
to be I'm going to vomit on this guy's
fat
[Laughter]
son vomiting on a kid is so funny well
just be like this game's not going
well there's no video is that the kid
and that's the guy who did it it's from
2010 there's no video leg dude he does
have one lens I knew it Matthew yeah he
does got one lens he has one lens you're
right Matthew Clemens Phillies fan
vomit vomit man
vomit a
superhero I guess he threw up on a cop
and a kid Dam wasn't just wow he on a
spree yeah it says right there what
Philadelphia Phillies fan Matthew
Clemens did was enough to make himself
sick and us too for that matter but at
least now he admits it wow good friend
we should call him sometime the
21-year-old Cherry Hill New Jersey and
I've been there made love to a native
American woman there which is crazy cuz
you were just talking about that I
forgot about that they were the the the
hotel was under Renovations and it was
crazy I think she thought I was bringing
her to like some like crazy place or
something cuz there was the you know all
that um pump there was a door Vis Queen
hanging everywhere like it was I don't
even think people should have been
staying there like you didn't even have
a door just like V Queen you had to hold
your car key up to the VIS Queen and
just make like a sound and then go in
your
room uh let me see Clemens pleaded
guilty to simple assault and other
charges Tuesday May 25th intentionally
vomiting on a man a police officer and
his 11-year-old daughter wow oh so he
was a police officer at the game he
wasn't like getting arrested wonder how
much time they gave him crime ciders
offering to buy vomit man a satellite
dish to discourage him from going to any
more games a satellite
dish Fu he's going to be
pumped vomit man getting a hold of a
satellite this let me buy you something
from the past you
know he got 30 to 90 day days in jail
and two years of probation oh did he wow
damn also quick update the Eric Adams
video was from 2011 when he's a senator
it went reviral Sor doing that is KFC
posted it on bar stool yeah check inside
of your son's baseball bat man he could
be hiding a couple of Viking in
there it's ridiculous you know
look under your little daughter's pillow
she could have some uh hookers or
escorts under there like what check
under the bed found you a under
there
yeah hey you oh you think that's a boogy
man under your son's bed that's some
Boogie that's a that's an
escort right there the khakis are so
nice in that video khakis and a blazer
just there could be bullets in there oh
you think that's a stuffed ludicrous
doll but open up its back and boom what
do you got a balloon of crystal and a
couple of Naran
chewables um what were we talking about
dude vomit man oh yeah you moved here I
did yeah you moved here since we last
talked to you yeah you made a big move
so like um cuz you moved from New York
yeah wow and was there part of you that
was kind of scared was there like what
were you thinking cuz I mean I've
thought about it you know and and a lot
of people have done it you know no I'd
come down here a lot because you know do
Rogan's podcast do podcast down here do
comedy so I've been down here enough so
I wasn't worried about like living here
I was worried
about uh Comics being like ah he
left New York he's trying to
suck Rogan's dick that that was like I
was like that's gonna happen I know that
uh no I was excited Matt was excited
about it so I knew I had Matt coming
down with me and then we brought our
other friends and it's good yeah yeah
yeah I uh and ta taxes are oh yeah yeah
butt New York dude yeah it's crazy
it's great yeah and uh oh what's that in
your daughter's bedroom what's that in
the case oh that's extra taxes that's
what tax dude that's taxes and a couple
of SAS bro like damn lot of taxes up
there oh it's crazy it's extra I think
14% what's the state tax rate in New
York City up there Zachary I think it's
uh 10. oh he's guessing what is it no
I'm not guessing I got
here
4% to 10.9% you see here wow because Los
Angeles is 13 I think per I was Hing
around that 4% range for a while when I
lived in New York and then you probably
moved up into at least that
6.85% yes yeah yeah dude so that's kind
of crazy so you moved yeah like yeah I
think some people say that they're like
oh do you want to move there because
Rogan's there because Dylan's there it
seems like the new thing and I think
yeah I kind of maybe I don't know if I
had some fear I I don't know I don't
know if I had fear of that you
definitely think oh people think you're
just yeah you're just riding that guy's
wiener you know yeah somebody F yeah I
mean um but also he's like I would say
if I was still in New York somebody else
moved here be like
couldn't take it I'd do the same thing
so yeah come back and pay these high
taxes pay these taxes live in a
hole in New York
yeah um but no I just want to move to a
place where you could do standup during
the week and forever it was just New
York and La that's true now now you can
do it in Nashville and Austin does it
feel well Nashville you cannot oh really
yeah you cannot it's not the same I will
I'll say that 100% it is not the same as
what the it feels like here yeah like
even just going over to um the
mothership it's like you can do three
sets in a night probably yeah you can do
you can do four every single time
there's usually two shows in the small
room two in the wow main room I mean
that's CRA you do four sets a night yeah
four sets a night in the same building
you can go do I mean that's that's
unprecedented you it's changing what's
nice is watching like like mccusker cuz
he was in Philly where you can't do that
and now he's been living here just a few
months and he's he's got he's gotten so
good really just from doing yeah he can
do it every night yeah I met him last
night or I met him uh at your yeah I met
him at your podcast I met his wife too
yeah Britney is her name yeah yeah yeah
yeah she got he gots a beautiful little
wife she's great
um yeah dude I think having that much
ability to get up is is it starts to
change you you're like oh I just
practiced it it didn't go in there let
me let me try it you're like right there
you get to bomb four times yeah take it
on the road and be like I'm not going to
change anything it's still not
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what has been like did you find a house
immediately how did you find a house
down here uh I just just had a lady a
real estate lady I was like I just need
a house that's furnished cuz I don't
have anything yeah so she first house
she picked out I was like that's it oh
yeah and I didn't see it until I moved
in nuh-uh it was nice yeah I moved in I
was like it's nice oh it's like
that show where you meet your wife the
first time yeah like Indians yeah that's
crazy dude bro because here's the
craziest part about that getting married
like that is you what if you know your
parents are lames dude like
they've been picking out for you
for Christmas
and they pick out like horrible I
don't know there's also the the the forc
marriage is kind of nice though cuz if I
like an ugly chick MH I'm like damn
people are going to find out about this
you know what I mean right now if it's
just like dude I had to you know what I
mean it's like my parents made me
this chick forever I don't care it's
girl's a girl D yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah dude oh I got it yeah it's like
being on a desert island oh I gotta tell
people next time down there what's that
I'm saying like if you're stuck on a
desert island you're going to you
know it's like this is who I'm with I
have to yeah there's no judgment here oh
yeah or like Epstein's
Island yeah you know if you're on island
you got all whatever my bad it's not I
think look let's talk about it if you're
on an island you have to Fu and there's
a lot of young people running around and
you're the only adult yeah what are you
going to do dude what are you going to
do come on man this way you need to
check through your
child check through your child's in
books easily in there they could have a
couple ninja stars and a bear trap that
guy's out of his mind that's
good
stuff um yeah dude uh what were we
talking
about was it
Island yeah we're talking about you
buying a house unseen yeah yeah that's
Brave I was the thing I was most worried
about was the television M cuz I thought
it was like they I thought they were
going to hit me with like the Airbnb
pictures like you get there and you're
like a this house sucks TV's big
right so I'm good oh that's good H we're
set thank God it's furnished I would
have never I'd never furnish it really
yeah I have one folding chair in front
of the TV yeah yeah yeah my house was
furnished when I got my house thank God
and uh and then who told me oh Tom sigur
told me in this room he said hey man you
got to start getting some art for
yourself you have to get something you
like because it really does start to
change the way that you think about your
own home Tom Tom's becoming like the
Jay-Z of stand up like you got to invest
in art
yeah he's got art he's got sneakers he's
got uh yamar uh what the car is called
the fastest one McLaren McLaren is that
it yeah that's wild to me I think I
would be scared to be like real rich I
wouldn't know how to do it I bet you're
all right oh I think I'm I'm okay having
more money for sure but I think if I
tried to be real Rich I just don't know
how I would I don't know what I would
spend money on you
know like would you get a super fast car
um no I don't I'm afraid to drive fast
yeah yeah I think yeah I just don't know
what I would get probably guns probably
a couple you got to get guns Yeah couple
for your neighbors couple for you yeah
give them out yeah you don't want to
shoot at your neighbors hide them in
your kids room your neighbor kids room
start planting guns oh damn
what's this behind this child's bathing
suit right there it's an AR15 yeah
oh that's a oh you think that's a the
most dangerous gun in the world yeah you
think that's a water weapon that's a
AR15 right there with some blood on it
no I get I understand Tom though he's
doing I mean he's got he's he's got
money why should you know oh I think
there's he knows how to spend it yeah I
just wonder what yeah I guess I hadn't
really thought about what I would spend
what I would buy like if I bought myself
something nice you know have you started
to think I mean well you got yourself a
house yeah I rented it yeah yeah I
didn't buy yeah but that's nice yeah
that's nice yeah I don't know hot air
balloon or something cool be
nice those are scary though I'd rather
go fast than get one of those yeah but
if you really Master the art of it I got
a buddy that used to fly one and he
could that would show the
up H hold on you see these things
crash huh dude they come down on power
lines and it's so funny yeah if you
don't know what you're doing yeah I
think you got to get one of those D yeah
pull up some crashes huh you got to pull
up and some of them run on diesel I
think huh they catch fire too yeah yeah
it's scary what's that in your
four-year-old's bedroom a hot air
balloon
H oh look at this coming in
hot oh some guy in his son H hang on
hang
on hang on
Tater balloon
crash the wind's picked up sometimes if
people have a really thick Sun they'll
name their nickname is always like a
starchy food you ever noticed that yeah
come on Tater T get it done cake pop
that's
yeah yeah get in there pancake batter
they'll call
them it's my son pancake batter come on
batter get in the truck dude we're going
to fly a balloon just
Hang On Pop hang on cake pop hang on
cake pop cake pop
NOP dude and you know one of their
family members definitely shot that
down in the distance dude that's
also a risk dude anyone could shoot you
down anonymously dude you can take those
things out you'll never get caught yeah
pull that up man anonymously shoots down
hot your balloons watch there's like
2,000 videos of that get a Confederate
flag air balloon oo that'd be cool huh
yeah let it fly get a Target go tough
huh yeah go tough on them see who see
who wants to shoot it down you
dude fly past like uh like the
uh Bou classic or something every year
get him fired
up but dude I will say this if you hang
one speaker out of it playing do the
stanky leg everybody will let it go
by people will be like oh all right oh
there we go Civil War yeah they had them
yeah what were the hot air balloons used
during the Civil War for they would just
use it
surveillance oh it's spy plane I think
Napoleon used them first really maybe
not first but he was he was using it's
like bums with drones like we were
talking about yeah i' Scar the out
of you if the other side had that both
the union and Confederacy used hot air
balloons for reconnaissance to help
determine the location of troops and
artillery this innovation in aerial
Warfare was a Trailblazer for for it
time as it took place 42 years before
the invention of the airplane
wow but dude imagine that starts
going down near the enemy oh
can't turn it just hang
on hold on cake pop cake pop
No god dude that kind of shit's just
heartbreaking no hot air
balloons you can't get you don't want
one of those but imagine you run outside
you in one huh yeah I've been one really
yeah I've been in one uh I was with my
buddy's dad when we were kids he like
proposed to this lady in one dude and
yeah and she said no and so then we're
like well what the we're that's a
tough rest of the trip yeah and we were
trying not to like act excited cuz we're
in there because he we could tell like
he was bummed out it's tough to be
bummed out on like the ledge of a hot
air like looking away from them
like trying to be sad oh it was sad dude
and that guy's always he's been sad
since then there's a lot of videos of
him online and he's always listening to
that song um there goes my hero watch
him as he goes just seeing his old self
just being like that that's the man I
used to be yeah Tiffany was his
girlfriend's name and she's like I don't
think so that's how she said it we're
like what the
it's like yeah and it was like 70
more minutes we had to spend up there
yeah long cuz the tour guy I think he
didn't really play know what was going
on so he just kept giving us the tour of
like oh no yeah
oh it's like that to just makes you
wonder what's going on yeah I think that
people up like when you're
supposed to be happy like a cool like a
hot air balloon or like yeah that kid
jumping off the cruise ship like
having something like that was supposed
to be fun and good get horribly ruined
yeah that kid was from Baton Rouge
Louisiana I don't know if we talked
about that last time we were together
but maybe that kid was good top he was
just partying and he jumped off and
never seen again check this out
yeah but the craziest is people were
like that's a shark there's like one
little piece of like water and it just
looks like some white and like definite
shark people make like comments like
that online oh quick for a shark to
munch him that quick if impossible I
feel like they take their time right
well also the odds of shark is going to
be right there at that moment I do think
sharks follow cruise
ships Serge called off oh that's the
toughest oh that's
yeah
bye oh saying bye-bye to him oh that's
the worst you got to regret that you
know dude something like that happened
to me man it was when we had a guy who
fell on a basketball court and died when
we were kids and when he fell I yelled
out like Reggie Lewis remember there was
that guy Reggie Lewis that had died no
Reggie Lewis look him up if you can
Reggie
Lewis
uh that's him right there Reginald C
Lewis was an american professional
basketball player for the
NBA Boston Celtics that was it beautiful
man right there and he collapsed on the
court who was there was another guy that
did that too that was like a I think it
was BJ
Armstrong maybe is your famous
um Keon Johnson no no no don't just name
a black guy Johnson no there's some yeah
but but it happens to people but yeah
this happened to him and so we thought
this guy just fallen down tripped and so
I remember yelling that out Reggie Lewis
and then they tried to revive him and he
died oh no I didn't Jinx him that's
insane to say toed him dude I can't
believe you put that
on I didn't Jinx him sounds look up if I
jinxed him or
not I don't think you jinxed him yeah
that's heartbreaking though I'm sorry
that I did that um how's it have you
felt good about moving here now once you
moved here was it kind of like different
or was it different than you thought
like what are some things that were kind
of cool about it I don't know it's I you
know you know when you move I was sad
for like a week oh really yeah I was by
myself it was scary I was used to having
I was used to live in apartments
I lived in Philly and New York the last
decade so I was like there's usually
somebody around
now I was out there by myself I got
scared for a while I was scared really I
get scared at night noises yeah yeah you
think it's a noise and he says you
farted just waking myself up with
farts the was
that uh yeah I mean I was scared for a
while yeah I would I was emotional I
would cry during movies when I was at at
night by myself oh yeah yeah uh so
that's what you have to look forward to
scary and you cry that's it oh that's
just think that's just part of the
American condition these days then oh
you're fine then yeah that was all um
yeah because I think I thought I don't
know if I thought naille would be a
busier comedy scene I I I didn't think
that um because they just have one Club
it's like a functioning Club there right
it's like they have a a headliner flies
in every weekend so they they help you
as much as they can but they just don't
have as much space you know um and then
there's not a lot as many other rooms
around the area but here it's like yeah
it feels like you could go we met a guy
last night he done like five spots you
know yeah you can do that here it's like
wow yeah I mean that's crazy to think
you could do that in a city I mean there
was never maybe Chicago you could do
that in maybe I don't know New York
obviously you can yeah la la definitely
those are the two yeah but that was yeah
I don't
know um but yeah you can do it if you
want yeah
yeah all right this is going well this
is going well um what else we got I'm
trying to think of other uh horrible
deaths I can think of oh D you what
about that there was something I was
looking at the other day it was a um
pull up that what's that Death Page on
Twitter where they have a lot of deaths
on there it's an animal I might have
even sent it to you the other day oh
history photographed we were looking at
this picture uh back in the day they had
to hang an elephant oh there you go to
just read the C this just to look at the
judicial system in the world right
so this elephant right the hanging of
Mary the ele elephant also known as
murderous Mary I guess a bad elephant
was publicly executed for killing her
Handler in 1916 it was meant to be a
warning to other criminal
elephants
so there
go so it just you got to think the
judicial abilities of human beings is
always why
but I guess if you're another elephant
you gotta be
like yeah I see what's going on here
yeah these mother mean business cut uh I
mean the idea though yeah the guy who
was likeing hang that
everyone else is probably
shoot it in the
head behind closed doors we'll just
we'll be done with this elephant like
behind a huge closed door doing we got
to make an example of this yeah yeah not
this murderous marry not this have
you seen what she's fing doing she
probably did some pretty crazy yeah
this Drank 200 gallons ofing water I uh
I had a friend who's uh a friend of
their mother's was like a big elephant
Advocate like was like she was a rich
lady so she was like save the elephant
oh yeah rich people do that man that was
her cause and then she fin kids hate
them so they save rare animals so then
she was like all right she went to
Africa to like her first trip to meet
the elephants and one of them killed her
oh killed her
dude and they don't I don't think people
no this about elephant they don't kill
you it's not fun dude they don't it's
they ground you they use their face and
mush you into the ground oh yeah it's
like when you see people do like um the
stone ground uh yeah into the flower and
stuff yeah I just like they're Artisan
chefs elephants are they are they'll
grind you up oh that's heartbreaking
elephant kills oh this is a different
one but yes this is also incredible damn
whoa hold on this is awesome is elephant
a euphemism for somebody because let's
go back and read this elephant kills
woman and returns to her funeral
elephant kills woman and returns to her
funeral to attacker corpse
wow o odisha India bizarre animal
stories are heard often Maya meru was
collecting water in ripi village located
in the me
B my Bahan District of odisha India when
a herd of elephants came her way she
tried to flee but one of them rushed her
oh that's heartbreaking
man let me see at the ceremony was taken
place the times video reported that a
herd of elephants appeared from the
force sending villagers running they
left meu's body behind wow she had a
liquid death
what one of the elephants did reportedly
attacked the woman's Court by picking up
the body and throwing it in the
air
wow thankfully there's a video should I
play it yeah I don't know let's take a
vote in the
room I mean it's all right I'm not
everybody said yes
yeah that's
good I didn't want to do
[Laughter]
it oh man oh this is just after the
aftermath yeah I don't think they I
don't think
oh that'd be the worst I think if the
element came in your house that'd be up
there cuz even if you go in another room
it can just come right in there yeah
it's not like it has to use the door you
know that' be so hectic man I mean
especially like at your mom's funeral
yeah you're like there's that
that did it yeah he's
coming back to everybody else up
too
mhm you think he could do a big crime
like that do a big murder I I don't
think I could murder I don't think well
now you think it's just an empty bottle
of Prime on your child's window sill
well open it up and Bam that's some
homemade lean topped off with a little
mini cache of nerve gas who was that for
dude that's Eric
yeah who's K was that Hunter
Biden's room yeah that's crazy but yeah
that actually was yeah oh what's this
here that's a My Little Pony no that's a
my little F and all stash
yeah um what else can we talk about dude
I don't know that's about as good as it
gets though hot air balloons yeah
elephants but if you could do a
murder or not man yeah I know God
wouldn't want me to do it that would be
the thing yeah he would be like don't do
it
buddy and I would be like I'm not gonna
and then I would maybe sneak I swear I'm
not going to do it hit under the table
so God can't see little greo little Han
Solo they should have tables that are
like God resistant or whatever like
whatever happens under here you know
yeah um I remember a girl let me feel
her back one time at the library we're
kind of horny children or whatever yeah
I guess she didn't want me touching her
breast whatever I think maybe I don't I
didn't even know what was going on but
back's good she's like you can feel on
my back back's real good and that extra
man we just feeling her back I'm going
to be a back man now that you mention it
nice huh rubbing a lady's back
it's one big flat long
tit yeah that's all the back is you say
yeah you know yeah let me get that flat
let me get the small the small of the
back put your hand there you got holy
dud if you touched one the small of
her back and her body her she it felt
warmer there you're like I don't know
you know it like she was baking cookies
in her butt or something yeah it felt
always war or there you know what I'm
talking about it is warm yeah like whoa
what am I doing down here I remember the
first time a girl let me touch a small
her back and had some hair on it right
cuz her dad was really
tough and I was like I don't care I'll
pet this girl yeah I don't mind
I will pet this I'm in
love girls sometimes girls have really
hairy butts really yeah I think
naturally girls sometimes have I think
they have to they have to work on that I
don't some of them get like man's ass I
don't think they do dude I don't think
these are unless I'm getting
tricked you're getting tricked by some
of that that ass search girl hairy ass
girl yeah bring something up we have
blockers on a lot of our stuff but if
you can get around some of it maybe on
Twitter are you allowed to show hair I
was looking for a picture but read this
top Reddit
post my girlfriend has a lot of hair on
her ass how do I approach this great
question let's let's review this do you
have problem is that her is very
hairy this is on ask women by the way
the
subd if it bothers you so much you can't
be with her because of it you have to
straight up tell her about it why is she
getting all ratchet all a suddenly
somebody just reported hair she's like
you got to straight up tell her about it
period honey your hairy disturbs
me here's the actual post but I think
you're um my girlfriend is beautiful and
she does a great job of manicuring her
lady bits the problem is that her
and they wrote it like that is
very hairy it's kind of a turnoff when
I'm down there a few would wouldn't
bother me but this is a lot more than a
few
oh how did you all start taking care of
your nether regions did you read about
it in a magazine or you just do it
naturally how should I approach this
topic with her without getting her upset
start getting those magazines laying
them around yeah she's taking a hairy
ass you can leave one in the
bathroom e dude hairy butt
ladies you hary butt I know starting to
bother me again
dude I don't know if I would mind a
little hair like on the hips probably I
just think the actual cheeks if there
were hair on them the crack dude not the
cheeks like a man's like an Italian
man's ass God damn dude like a
Jewish Sideburn down there huh yeah
getting in her Jewish tunnels you see
them coming out of tunnels what oh oh
the
or bring that up dude Jew it's better
they're getting some bad PR lately and
that's this might be the worst one guy
came out all right this is I swear to
God I'm not being anti-semitic a dude
Jewish dude coming out of a sord grate
in New York oh yeah it defit a video of
that and it's a New York synagogue
erupted into a chaos Monday night let's
play a bit of it all right that is tough
to address though I know we're moving on
to Jews and tunnels but well well let's
finish it out then ass woman let's
finish out then we'll go to this because
I think well I think the tough well some
people they make hair on their bodies to
survive cold weather can you look that
up Zach you know what I'm talking about
I think yeah I think that's what it airs
for yeah so sometimes you don't want to
have a wife that can't survive if you
know you don't want to put the AC at 60
always cold yeah yeah you don't want to
put AC at 64 one night and then she
she's dead in the
morning you know it's a good trade-off
would you accept your girl to never
complain about being cold but
she has to have a hairy ass or she
complains every single day now
what if it were like stuffed animal hair
that would be kind of fun that would be
nice that I agree with but I'm telling
you I've seen videos D these girls have
Italian man's ass like long hair
like dude it looks like a dude's
ass pull up something oh no oh my
god well that's more than I've ever seen
but oh wow that's a lot
huh and you can't see this video on the
audio but there's just a black girl
watching it with her mouth open the same
face we're all make yeah oh my God all
right holy
dude wow I'm telling you dude they have
Greek man's ass wow and what who has
that who has the most hair on their ass
is
it I haven't found a culture I would say
Russ look that up and what do you do how
do you approach that you
Mediteranean how do you approach that
with a woman I don't know how I would
never but you you've obviously dealt
with it no and South Asian descender
reported have a relatively high amount
of body hair Mediterranean Mediterranean
Middle Eastern and South Asian
descent wow yeah I think God I just
because the crazy thing see if you feel
down her butt and then you feel some
hair
there but you have to still be hopeful
for you know I just think yeah what do
you do yeah I don't know how to address
my friend was talking to me about
addressing his he was afraid his
girlfriend was gaining weight and he was
like so I told her and I was like damn I
would never I would let her get fat and
then resent her and break up with her
yeah also who am I to criticize but you
know you know I think a lot of people do
that a lot of people oh I was even if
they're not gaining weight or whatever I
think I was in I stayed with a girl just
because I hated her so much
once I was like well if if you if I if I
let you go you might find happiness I'm
going to make sure you're
miserable too isn't that horrible and I
feel horrible about that but I was young
and I was just that kind of you
know I didn't know how to operate or be
a decent human at all but yeah pull up
that ass again buddy oh
yeah it's the other cheek that gets you
cuz that cheek's already almost
done I love how one of the black girls
eyes keeps closing more she watches more
of it
dude oh that's crazy man God yeah but
then but then I bet here now we'll say
this Shane think about it a long time
ago 1300s fours or whenever early right
and you get a woman and she has hair on
her bet it feels good I bet it does feel
good you
know that's good now if you're a
freak and you start petting it a little
I some of it is how you approach it I
could see that you're like a let me pet
this little hair hair
butt that's nice twist it up a
little yeah hey let me get a little in
yank it real hard which you do expected
that's
fun that's fun dude dude I got hair like
on my legs and I've been running a lot
bro and it starts to get tangled up and
I'm like what the heck that's been
pretty challenging do you wish you'd
learned how to manage money in school I
do God I didn't you know I was keeping
up my money and my dang underpant drawer
and all of that I forgot to cash checks
I need had to cash them and so I had
dang 40 checks and the pizza place I
worked at went out of business and I
lost a lot of that money but it's hard
it's hard if you don't know about money
building credit and that sort of thing
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