World's Funniest Confessions 3

Summary

This video features a comedic reading of shocking confessions posted anonymously online. It includes stories about strange obsessions like traffic jam screenshots, humiliating secrets like a masturbation closet discovered by one's mother, and tales of revenge like injecting milk into an ex's mattress. The video pokes fun at the bizarre nature of these anonymous confessions while also analyzing the questionable actions and highlighting the best pieces of advice - to simply move on and live a good life as the best revenge.

Takeaways

• 😲 The transcript covers many shocking and bizarre confessions that people have anonymously shared online.
• 😂 Several of the confessions are quite humorous, like the man obsessed with checking traffic conditions.
• 🤢 Some of the confessions are rather disgusting, like the man who masturbated in his closet for years.
• 😡 The transcript includes stories of people seeking revenge in nasty ways.
• 🤯 Multiple people share extremely unusual sexual interests and kinks.
• 📱 One person cheated on a game show by using a hidden pager.
• 😨 Many of the stories involve dysfunctional relationships and deceit.
• 🤐 The confessions are meant to be anonymous, but sometimes people still get caught.
• 🤥 Several confessions involve elaborate lies and excuses to hide strange behaviors.
• 😮‍💨 The shareable nature of the internet allows people to reveal their deepest secrets.

Q & A

Why does the man take screenshots of traffic conditions?

He claims it is an obsession of his to check traffic conditions all over his state. He takes screenshots throughout the day during peak traffic times to document the conditions.

How did the man's girlfriend find out about his traffic screenshot collection?

When they were looking through pictures on his phone, they got to his private photo album full of traffic screenshots. He tried to hide it from her at first.

What excuse did the man use for having so many traffic screenshots?

He told his girlfriend that he checks traffic like others might check the weather forecast. He claimed it was just something unique he likes to do and not an actual problem or addiction.

Why does the man who masturbates in his closet do it there?

He lives at home and uses his closet to masturbate in since he was a kid, spraying air freshener to try and hide the smell. It seems to be a private place for him.

How did the man's mother discover his masturbation closet?

When she surprised him with a new dresser for Christmas, she went to help him move the old one and slid it back, exposing the corner of the carpet he had been ejaculating on for years.

What was the man's parents' reaction to finding the masturbation closet?

His mother screamed at him calling him disgusting. His father dry heaved and couldn't look at him. They didn't speak to him for the rest of Christmas and want him to see a counselor now.

Why does the man enjoy running behind the influencer?

He dislikes that she vlogs herself running for social media. He gets in her shots on purpose to mess them up as a way of annoying her back.

How did the man first notice the woman running influencer?

He started training for a half marathon and kept seeing her wearing a lot of makeup and talking into her phone with a selfie stick while running.

What motivates the man to keep interfering with the woman's running videos?

It gives him a sense of satisfaction to ruin her shots after she yelled at him to get out of them once. He makes an effort to catch up and get in frame.

Has the man's behavior toward the woman changed his own running habits?

Yes, he says running faster to catch up with her has improved his own training. He's still running regularly after the half marathon in part because of her.

Outlines

00:00

😲 Man secretly obsessed with checking traffic conditions

A man reveals to his girlfriend that he is obsessed with constantly checking traffic conditions around his state. He shows her his phone's hidden album filled with traffic screenshots instead of the porn she was expecting. She finds it odd but is understanding. However, he actually masturbates to the traffic pictures.

05:01

😂 Accidentally making neighbor think he is depressed

A man has a crying fetish and masturbates to videos of people crying. His neighbor hears the crying through the walls and leaves him care packages, thinking he is depressed. He wants to befriend her but knows he can't reveal his actual crying fetish.

10:01

😖 Aroused by trading and business meetings

A man reveals he has a sexual fetish for trading and bartering ever since watching a medieval movie as a teen. He also gets aroused in business meetings. He worries how he will explain this to future partners.

15:03

🤢 Masturbating and coming on closet floor for years

A 22-year old lives at home and masturbates by coming on the corner of his closet carpet for years, letting it build up without cleaning it properly. His mother discovered the rotten smelling pile on Christmas when replacing his dresser.

20:03

😡 Gets revenge on ex by injecting milk into mattress

After catching their ex cheating again, a person injected milk throughout the ex's mattress before leaving them. The milk makes the mattress stink over time but the source is hard to pinpoint.

Keywords

💡Confession

A confession is an admission of wrongdoing or guilt, often kept secret until revealed voluntarily. This video features people confessing embarrassing, unethical, or illegal acts anonymously online. The confessions reveal deep secrets and perversions that people feel compelled to share even at the risk of judgement.

💡Fetish

A fetish is a sexual fixation on a nonsexual object or body part. Several confessions describe strange fetishes like traffic screenshots, crying, and bartering. These reveal weird obsessions and perversions rather than typical sexual interests.

💡Addiction

Addiction is the unhealthy compulsion to engage in a behavior despite negative consequences. The confession about tracking traffic patterns daily resembles an addiction, as the person is obsessed despite the secrecy hurting his relationships.

💡Revenge

Some confessions describe getting revenge on an ex-partner through harmful pranks like ruining their mattress. However, the video argues revenge prolongs negativity and that 'living well is the best revenge'.

💡Depression

One confession accidentally tricks a neighbor into thinking he is depressed by crying while masturbating. Depression is mentioned by others as motivating kindness or complicating relationships.

💡Cheating

Cheating in a relationship by being unfaithful is viewed negatively. Those who confess to cheating try to justify it, while their partners enact over-the-top revenge.

💡Influencer

An influencer is someone popular online who monetizes their audience. The confession about intentionally ruining an influencer's running videos critiques the perception of vanity or inauthenticity.

💡Masturbation

Masturbation is referenced directly or indirectly in many confessions, from strange fetishes to leaving 'evidence' undisposed. The video treats it as a normal but private activity.

💡Judgement

The video highlights people's fear of judgement for private behaviors. However, commenters often express disgust, showing how anonymity enables harsh judgement of socially taboo acts.

💡Secrecy

Secrecy around private acts and relationships enables much of the deceptive or unethical behavior confessed. Yet the secrets also represent vulnerably sharing one's hidden self.

Highlights

Man describes strange obsession with checking traffic conditions

Girlfriend finds folder on his phone filled with traffic screenshots

Admits to pleasuring himself to the traffic pictures

Checks traffic conditions multiple times per day

Struggles to quit his traffic obsession

Man discovers sexual arousal from trading and bartering

Got aroused watching movie scene with medieval trading

Struggles to roleplay fetish with partner

Woman gets off on being taught, even in non-sexual contexts

School was constant sexual frustration due to teaching kink

Man wears feminine pads for comfort after surgery

Considering telling wife, concerned about environmental impact

Cheated on game show by inserting vibrating pager in anus

Won $60,000, solved financial problems

Woman gets revenge on cheating ex by injecting milk into mattress

Transcripts

I'll be having that remember that little

throwback little call back is what we

call that in the biz world's funniest

confessions haven't done one of these in

a while so let's see what kind of deep

dark secrets the internet is harboring

my girlfriend thought I had my pcks and

internet point stars in my my eyes only

I showed it to her and she found out

that it is just hundreds of pictures of

traffic I'm obsessed with checking

traffic all over my state I 19m am

obsessed with traffic did that little

exclamation mark there I am obsessed

with traffic my girlfriend 19f found out

about this where we were going through

pictures on my phone we got to my eyes

only and I was weird around it since

it's full of my traffic screenshots

including traffic cameras via oo traffic

on Google Maps and even screenshots with

the highway signs saying how bad the

traffic is what do o Go real time Ohio

traffic all right [ __ ] yeah things are

looking pretty good that's good good to

see the roads are nice and clear in Ohio

right now at 7:16 a.m. California time

of course all clear Ohio residents you

guys are good right now I'd get out

there and get to work you know she asked

me if I downloaded pcks from the

Internet or had my dickpic saved there

and I told her no she reassured me that

it's okay and that every guy screenshots

porn stars and she knows that I really

love her and she is just curious about

what porn stars I find hot LOL I don't

think anyone screenshots porn stars you

know videos exist right you can just

watch videos I don't think it what is

this [ __ ]

1995 people just have still shots of

their favorite porn stars saved well I

open it for her her face was very

confused a few hundred screenshots of

traffic I hid it in there so no one can

find it when I'm showing people my

camera role I confessed my obsession

with traffic with her and she was really

sweet and loving about it she also

apologized for thinking I had porn in

there since I've been animates to her

that I don't like to watch it we had a

good laugh I told her to promise to keep

it a secret from my other friends until

I tell them and she did promise here's

the thing though I do jerk off to the

traffic pictures I'm kidding it doesn't

say that he might as well though cuz

this is [ __ ] weird I feel like we

haven't yet reflected on how weird this

is what is it about like why would you

need to it's kind of the same thing as

screenshotting a porn star like why

would a screenshot of traffic in that

moment interest you later like are you

going back and checking the times and

being like Oh well [ __ ] last week on

Thursday at 7:30 a.m. it was bad so this

today is probably going to be pretty bad

I'll just like go back and make sure

like verify that that's the case oh my

god dude November 29th will go down as a

historic day in traffic history I got

that bad boy screenshot it right here

you will not believe the red lines on

this screenshot okay look at

this yeah Bumper to Bumper my guy here's

the thing I also have a folder on my

computer full of traffic screenshots

that she does not know about she's going

to be pissed when she finds out about

that I thought you were done with the

traffic [ __ ] I can't I can't stop I live

in ciny but take screenshots of the main

five cities in Ohio when there's an

eventful traffic day it adds up to about

10 to 20 per week I know what highways

get backed up at what times I wake up at

8:00 a.m. every day to check the morning

Rush on my iPad I watch and refresh cams

and Google Maps looking for any traffic

Shenanigans it's funny he's like a

surfer checking the conditions in the

morning but he he's an urban Surfer I'd

call this he's an urban Surfer checking

the tides checking the waves checking

the winds after that I go back to bed

for a few hours before I have to feed my

cat and put in a few hours of work I do

my work very well and don't let the

traffic checking get in the way of it

he's really talking about this like it's

an addiction I can quit whenever I want

okay I don't let this [ __ ] get in the

way of what I got to do in my life so

it's not an addiction I can quit

whenever I want I can quit easily I can

quit today if I wanted to I'm just going

to like check it one more time just like

just is see because it's it is like

almost rush hour so I got to probably

check one more time but after that I'm

done I take a break from 4:00 to 5:30 to

check the evening Rush Hour as long as

there are no strict deadlines I will

sometimes also check out local traffic

Twitter accounts to get the latest

traffic news from the professionals this

does get a bit tricky when I don't have

to do any work on weekdays I will spend

that time with friends usually and well

I am kind of sneaky with my phone to

check the traffic every hour or so at

rush hour taking screenshots as needed

of course I pretend like I'm on Reddit

or Instagram sometimes I even have

pre-planned funny posts to pull up in

case of emergency this is an addiction

this is exactly what people do when

they're addicted to something I do plan

to tell my other friends I don't really

think this is much of a problem just

something different that not many people

do I think of it like checking the

weather wow the we the weather the

weather this this is the kind of weird

[ __ ] I was hoping for when when I joined

this sub I read this and I said a yeah

this is the stuff like I was op looking

at the traffic jam on the 50 yeah man

that's so true this is perfect it's the

perfect I don't know if this is fake or

not if it's it's fake excellent

excellent job this is the type of [ __ ]

that this [ __ ] subreddit is about

truly I love that he never says why he

just says it's an obsession which again

is an addiction thing it's like I don't

know why I just I don't it makes me I it

makes my life life worse I don't know

why I keep doing it you think I want to

be [ __ ] cranking off to Google maps

in the bathroom while my friends are

[ __ ] drinking beers no okay I don't

want to be in the bathroom fuing oh it's

a bottleneck oh it's a big bottleneck

today oh [ __ ] four lanes are closed

holy [ __ ] [ __ ] oh you can barely get

through one car oh my God it's five

Lanes down to one I'm about to bus oh

that's fantastic that is fantastic I

love that that's my favorite post I've

ever seen scene accidentally tricked my

neighbor into thinking I was depressed

when in reality I was getting off to

people crying what I have this fetish

for people crying recently I've been

delving more into that side of myself

trying to really see what gets me

off that's a weird way of saying that

you're just getting desensitized it's

been really exploring the depths of my

fetishes that all culminated in me just

watching videos of people crying nothing

inherently sexual was going on in those

videos and wanking off to that since I

live alone in my my apartment and worked

at home I used the TV in my living room

unfortunately I underestimated how thin

the walls were I was about to head out

to go get some coffee with friends but

saw that someone had left a basket of

snacks and chocolate on my door I

thought nothing of it maybe someone just

moved in or something no other door had

this basket so I don't know why I

briefly thought that but I do have a

pension for dismissing things that

aren't actively affecting my life right

at that moment thank you for the

backstory so I just put the basket in my

house and went about my day I got home

and snacked on a few of the chocolates

and went about my nightly routine of

watching those videos then I kept

getting more and more snacks put on my

front door almost every day nothing

major like the basket I got on the first

day but just little chocolate bars put

out on the floor I just ate the snacks

as soon as I see them and you didn't ask

you didn't [ __ ] wonder what these are

from you're just eating snacks from

random people that today I woke up to

someone knocking on my door when I

opened it it was my neighbor I've seen

her a few times when we coincidentally

get out of the door at the same time and

we've greeted each other she was holding

another basket of snacks and asked me if

I was all right from last night and if I

got her other basket confused I said I

was all right and asked why she's giving

those to me and she looked a bit

embarrassed and admitted to hear hearing

loud crying coming from my apartment

yeah someone's coming she heard those

separately I I've heard loud crying and

coming from your apartment [ __ ] she also

asked if I saw the note in her basket I

didn't remember seeing a note but I was

too embarrassed to continue this

conversation and politely thanked her

before accepting her basket and closing

the door oh my God the note said she

could hear him crying and that she went

on to describe the story of her battles

with depression she then said how she'd

love to get to know me and is there if I

wanted to talk about it okay she seems

really cute and I do want to accept her

offer of getting to know know her but

I'm not

depressed you like sadness so this could

I'm not this could be a match made in

heaven that's so bad oh my God that's so

bad he's like listen I got to I got to

admit something I'm actually not

depressed I just love people who are and

you are depressed right you battle with

it all the time you do oh that is so hot

oh my God I'm sorry if this is too

forward but can I jack off to your

sadness please where where are you going

no wait does that mean no more snacks do

not under any circumstances tell her the

truth it will mortify her more than you

could ever understand yes don't ever

ever ever say that to her wow I have a

trading Kink this is so embarrassing but

I literally have a [ __ ] Kink for

trading like straight up medieval

bartering type

[ __ ] like the thought of a pound of silk

for a bucket of milk just turns me on

for some reason that God himself refuses

to reveal to me I can't even play

Minecraft without getting hard as

[ __ ] listen guys for the sake of this

video we're just going to assume that

these are 100% real okay I can't even

play Minecraft without getting hard as a

[ __ ] battering ram whil it's trading

emeralds for enchanting books and [ __ ] I

have this distinct memory of watching

this movie when I was like 13 or 14 and

it took place in like medieval Europe or

something and this guy was was haggling

for like a hand sculpted pot or some

[ __ ] and I had to leave the room to

[ __ ] masturbate I felt so weird

after okay this is weirder than the

traffic one I think I think that's where

it started I wish I had a normal kink

like I don't know piss or something

that's that's not really a normal Kink

is it I don't know how I'm going to

explain to my future partner that I want

to roleplay as a 14th century

[Laughter]

Merchant

oh my God holy [ __ ] what will I trade me

for good wench is that

medieval didn't really do a good job

there did I please what quality of

quilts hath you brought me today good

lady that sucked

too this guy was haggling for a hand

sculpted pot that's so [ __ ]

funny five sh ings oh you drive a hard

bargain sir oh [ __ ] God damn it

that's so hot did you just say hard

bargain oh I got a [ __ ] hard bargain

right now oh my God I got to go haggle

my dick off right now I got to go

negotiate with a Kleenex right

now I mean [ __ ] like Renaissance

Fairs that's going to be your [ __ ]

actually no stay away stay away from

Renaissance Affairs that's not going to

be your [ __ ] that would actually

probably be an issue just walking around

hard as [ __ ] just it's a it's my uh it's

a sword I'm a blacksmith I have a kink

for being taught things not even sexual

things also like business meetings and

situations once again completely

nonsexual the idea of a business meeting

makes me wet and I have literally no

[ __ ] clue why oh my God that is

[ __ ] awesome but must have been

horrendous in school I mean it was every

day just a complete [ __ ] sexual hell

you must have been so frustrated just

sitting there and [ __ ] algebra just

like oh [ __ ] [ __ ] God damn it yeah

teach me how to find X how do you find X

how do you find X cuz I'm about to find

oh that was a great one that was a

[ __ ] great one he's like about to

climax he's like what are you what are

you willing to trade for

this I'm about to bust she's like oh

yeah do it do it and he's like well what

are you willing to trade for it I mean I

could stroke your dick a few more times

H that's it I'm not sure if that'll do

okay well I mean I don't really know

what else to like a bag of wheat or

something a bag of

wheat me lady that'll do just fine here

comes the [ __ ] a bag of wheat for some

ropes of [ __ ] seems like a fair tradeit

to me straight mail regularly

wear God damn it I love this subr

straight mail regularly wear period pads

now after hospital visit I had an

operation a few months back in the

nether regions for a mountain bike

accident I was sent sent home from

hospital with a huge pad in my underwear

to help with posttop swelling and

bleeding man it felt like my nuts were

in a cloud hammock So Soft breathable

and warm now I buy period pads from the

supermarket so I can get the same

feeling again really hard to keep it for

my wife though so can only wear them

during work hours it feels so wrong but

feels so good at the same time probably

the only one who does this but I don't

care the thicker the better I will look

to see how this evolves over the next

few weeks last months and if it becomes

a permanent SL long-term thing I'll open

up to my wife about it firstly because I

don't really want to keep anything from

her and secondly because I don't like

the environmental impact and we look to

more sustainable options yeah [ __ ]

knit yourself a period pad if she finds

out before then I'll tell her she has no

reason to not trust me we've had no

infidelity issues over 15 years just

sounds like you need [ __ ] thicker

underwear dude you know what I mean this

sounds like a business like this could

potentially be something that other guys

would want they just don't even know

they want it yet we all read this and

we're like what period pads those are

for girls but none of us have tried it

who knows it might be [ __ ] Heavenly

you know people [ __ ] have shoulder

pads and [ __ ] to make the shoulders more

Square what about a sack pad first of

all makes your bulge look sick second of

all comfortable as hell I think you're

on to something dude I don't think this

is weird why do you just [ __ ] wear

bike

shorts this exists it's called bike

shorts I'm like I have never tried

something like that I [ __ ] lived in

these things last year d That's the

solution man put a put a [ __ ] pair of

bike shorts under your under your chinos

there you go or build one in so sew one

into your pants and then they'd be pad

paddent paddent pass me my paddent I

stole 60,000 from a game show by

inserting a pager in my butt I was

facing Financial stress and needed to

pay back loans 60,000 would have and has

solved all of my issues my life has been

a blessing since I appeared on a game

show similar to Who Wants To Be A

Millionaire and would read the questions

my friend who was sitting in the far

Corner would page the pager on the

correct answer I could obviously feel

the vibration hence why I won $60,000 I

would not have made it past the third

question otherwise I haven't had to

cheat since nor have I had the

opportunity to do so nor would I do so

again listen you did what you had to do

all right I'm not going to knock the

hustle cheating is bad in in

99% of scenarios if you cheat you're

only cheating yourself remember that

however you need to get out of debt it's

a [ __ ] game show made by some big ass

production company did you technically

steal $60,000 no because they still got

they still got an episode out of it

where you won so they probably made more

money on the episode because of that did

you break the rules yeah but this is to

me this is like resourceful and like the

most ethical way to to steal probably

all I can think about is this dude

sitting there on the game show and the

host is like all right and for

$50,000 what is the capital of [ __ ]

Egypt he's just sitting there

[Music]

like

Cairo he's just sweating just completely

pale is it

Cairo it's like starts malfunctioning

F just starts coming

sorry I put milk in my ex's mattress I

got revenge on my ex they were one of

the worst completely unaware of how they

acted constant lying and cheating they

had their opportunity to end the

relationship multiple times after I had

already forgiven them for what they did

I had asked in healthy to split up and

do things that what the people like read

your [ __ ] sentences and do things the

right way they instead would do anything

but try to fix things in a proper way

but still be selfish enough to stay as

time went on I would slightly lash out

and they would use that as leverage

against me tell family and friends I was

crazy and what's even more toxic is

staying in a relationship for the wrong

reasons and and continuous lying and

expecting someone to not break I finally

got so tired of the cheating to the

point where I found out for a last time

and immediately just broke inside so

before I left I got a turkey injector

that you use for Thanksgiving put milk

in it and injected it into a bunch of

places in their mattress it takes a

little while for it to start smelling

bad and you kind of just never know

where the smell is coming from like you

you have experienced doing this you've

done it before clearly and you

eventually get used to it but everyone

else around you can still smell it

eventually your sweat will also start

smelling sour I regretted it slightly I

will not partake in any revenge like

that ever again sure sure but life goes

on this sounds like you are crazy I mean

cheating is bad obviously if the

person's cheating that's horrible right

but then just dump them the trick is to

find some gaps behind the kitchen unit

such as beneath the sink where the

Wastewater pipe goes out and stuff them

full of fish and bits of raw chicken

after a few days the smell will be

unbearable for months and he won't have

a clue where it's coming from if he does

find it he'll have to rip out half his

kitchen to fix the stank I mean this

[ __ ] is insane just just [ __ ] leave

and live a better life that is the best

revenge you can possibly do this [ __ ]

just [ __ ] the future person that's

going to live in that house [ __ ] the

guy who has to come [ __ ] rip the

kitchen out and discover the rotten fish

back there the best revenge story I

remember was a woman who had a cheating

husband and in the divorce he got the

home that she loved it had ornate window

coverings and draperies that they had

paid a lot of money for and she knew he

would want to keep them so before she

moved out she opened the Hem of the

curtains and stuffed them full of raw

baby shrimp then sewed the ham back he

moved into the home with his new wife

and couldn't find the source of the odor

he eventually put the house on the

market way below value due to the

terrible smell she ended up bu the house

and when he and his new wife moved out

they took the curtains with

them oh my God they took the curtains

with them okay that's pretty [ __ ]

good that's pretty good I'm telling you

guys though the best revenge just go

live a good life just be happy that's

the best revenge cuz to a certain point

I really think that listen the person

that did the cheating is in the wrong

100% right but if you're scheming on how

to get back to them and then you're

executing this plan and then you're

thinking about it all the time and then

you're writing it on redit that person

is still in your mind which means that

person is still winning if they just

stop existing to you then you win that's

the best revenge my mom found the

mastbation closet what do you mean the

masturbation closet that's not a that's

not a thing it's so over for me and I'll

never recover from the shame I

legitimately want to stop living so I'm

22 and live at home I use my closet to

jerk off in and half since I was a kid I

legitimately stand in there and finish

in the corner of the carpet then slide

the dresser back over the corner there's

literally almost a decade of [ __ ] built

up

there

God damn when you get close the smell is

absolutely foul but sometimes I'll spray

for breeze on it to hide the

smell just makes me want to puke

yesterday my mother surprised me with a

new dresser for Christmas instead of the

old Value Village one that's been there

since I was born we put the new one

together and said she'll help me move

the old one panic said in and I told her

it's okay I'll swap them out myself but

she walked over and slid it back before

I could stop her I hadn't sprayed for

Breeze in it too long so it's definitely

rain she screamed oh my God what is this

then she realized what it was and yelled

at me told me I'm a disgusting pervert

and an animal and need to clean it up

immediately my dad overheard her

shouting so he came to see what was

going on he didn't say a word he just

put his face in his hand and dry heaved

when he saw the closet and left the room

oh my

God I don't even know what to say about

this I got the carpet shampur she owns

and ran it but the [ __ ] is so ingrained

in the carpet and actually soaked

through over the years that there's just

a huge obvious stain there now my

parents didn't talk to me for the rest

of Christmas Day and they left for

Christmas dinner at my grandmother's

without me eventually they came back my

mom wants me to see a counselor now my

dad still can't look at me and hasn't

talked to me this is the worst Christmas

ever oh my

God why wouldn't you just [ __ ] clean

it up takes 5 Seconds why would you come

on the [ __ ] carpet come anywhere else

oh [ __ ] man this makes me want to puke

so bad I'm with your parents you need

help while masturbating is normal

purposely relieving yourself on the

floor and simply just leaving it there

isn't so much so that it smells and has

built up stains over the years is some

sick [ __ ] get help I mean this is

basically the equivalent of just

[ __ ] or pissing in the in the corner

and leaving it there it is funny that

this guy said relieving yourself that

phrase is normally reserved for peeing I

got to go take a [ __ ] real fast no I got

to when you got to go you got to go

right I got to go take a [ __ ] I got to go

take a fat [ __ ] real fast got to go

relieve myself yeah this is this is

horrendous just [ __ ] horrendous

definitely the worst one it's also funny

that he posted on Reddit like I'm sure

he kind of expected people being like Oh

it's all good man we all do it and

everyone's like dude you this is [ __ ]

disgusting this is sick you need help I

run to piss off an influencer a few

months ago I started training for a half

marathon during the first few weeks I

kept on noticing this woman every few

days who wore way more makeup than

anyone running likely would and with

aelf selfie stick talking into her phone

as she

ran who would do that who would Vlog

themselves running [ __ ] weirdo it

didn't take me long to figure out she

was doing some sort of running

influencer thing [ __ ] that sounds stupid

as [ __ ] who would do that [ __ ]

right that person's [ __ ] weird one

morning I was behind her for a while

until she stopped and yelled at me get

out of my shot I ran past her and kind

of laughed now every morning when I run

I actively look for her on my route so I

can get behind her and screw up her

shot sometimes if she's well ahead of me

it means I really need to push my Pace

but as soon as I get there and start

mugging for the camera all that effort

is worth it the half marathon was a few

weeks ago I'm still running like I'm

training in large part because of her

this is [ __ ] awesome godamn what a

wonderful post I'm always so [ __ ]

embarrassed to film when I'm you know I

was being a little cheeky about this

because running

influencer I do kind of have a whole

[ __ ] channel on Instagram about

running guilty is charge but I am very

embarrassed when I Vlog still I think

it's a millenni IAL thing I didn't grow

up with phones so I like filming is so

like ingrained and genen Z it's just

normal to do that [ __ ] in public for me

it's not still so still when I'm running

I'll make sure there's nobody around and

then I'll be

like all right 3 miles in it's going

pretty well and it's because of this you

know I know it's like vlogging is never

you see someone vlogging in public

you're like what's this person doing you

know if she was smart she'd just leave

you in the shot people would probably

think it's funny getting her more views

and you probably get bored and sto doing

it it's so true if she just embraced it

and was like hey it's the [ __ ] guy

that I see every day that would be

awesome people take themselves too

seriously especially [ __ ] people

that're like budding influencers why do

they do that it's like no my shot has to

be perfect and this run has to be

perfect and I have to look perfect while

I'm running it's not real yeah man [ __ ]

influencers yeah yeah dude totally

especially running ones [ __ ] those [ __ ]

those people okay that's it for today's

video guys I'm confession out that was a

wonderful wonderful video I [ __ ] love

doing these I love the subreddit thank

thank you so much and let me know if you

want to see another one of these by

liking this video for me thank you so

much and leave your [ __ ] craziest

confession in the comments maybe we'll

do an addition of you a you confession

Edition

goodbye just starts coming

sorry