Give Up! The SURPRISING First Step in Overcoming Depression | Dr. Rami Nader

Summary

In this video, a registered psychologist from British Columbia discusses an unconventional yet effective approach to overcoming depression. The core idea is that giving up and surrendering some of your goals can be a crucial first step in recovery. This approach counters the common belief that one should try harder to overcome depression, which often leads to a cycle of failure and reduced motivation. Instead, the speaker advocates for adjusting goals to match current energy levels, gradually building success and motivation, and setting realistic expectations to foster recovery.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Depression often leads people to think they need to try harder to overcome it, but this mindset perpetuates the cycle.
• 🔄 Low energy and motivation cause people to fail at their goals, which further lowers their energy, creating a negative spiral.
• ⚠️ Setting goals or expectations too high when energy and motivation are low only leads to failure and worsens depression.
• 🚲 A helpful metaphor: Trying to overcome depression with high expectations is like trying to start a bike ride in 10th gear—it's ineffective and exhausting.
• 📉 The first step in overcoming depression is counterintuitive: giving up or surrendering overly ambitious goals to match your current energy levels.
• 🔧 Success comes from adjusting your goals to fit the energy and motivation you currently have, not what you wish you had.
• 📈 Gradually, as small, achievable goals are met, energy and motivation increase, leading to a positive upward spiral.
• 💪 Overcoming depression isn’t about trying harder, but about building on small successes that incrementally restore motivation.
• ⚖️ Previous high expectations or goals may have contributed to the onset of depression, meaning reassessing those goals is crucial for sustainable recovery.
• 📅 Building successes may seem slow at first, but this process leads to faster recovery than continuing to push through unattainable goals.

Q & A

Why is giving up and surrendering a critical step in overcoming depression?

Giving up and surrendering helps align your goals and expectations with your actual level of energy and motivation. When your goals are too high for your current energy level, you are likely to fail, which further decreases motivation. By lowering expectations to match your energy, you can start achieving success, which helps gradually build back energy and motivation.

What is the 'trying harder problem' in depression?

The 'trying harder problem' refers to the cycle where individuals with depression push themselves to meet high goals, even when their energy is too low. Despite their efforts, they fail, which leads to further drops in motivation and energy, creating a downward spiral of worsening depression.

How does the mismatch between goals and energy perpetuate depression?

When a person's goals and expectations are higher than their available energy and motivation, they are unable to achieve those goals. This repeated failure leads to frustration and further reduces energy and motivation, creating a cycle that deepens the depression.

What is the metaphor used to explain the process of overcoming depression?

The metaphor compares overcoming depression to riding a bike. If you're at a full stop and try to ride in a high gear, it's difficult to get moving. To succeed, you must drop down to a lower gear and gradually shift up as you gain momentum. Similarly, in depression, you must lower your goals to match your energy and build up gradually.

How does setting smaller goals help in overcoming depression?

Setting smaller, achievable goals that match your current energy level allows you to experience success. This success leads to slight increases in energy and motivation, which can then be used to set slightly larger goals, creating a positive cycle of recovery.

Why is it counterproductive to maintain high expectations while in depression?

Maintaining high expectations while your energy and motivation are low leads to constant failure, which worsens depression. The failure reinforces negative self-perceptions, further draining your energy and making it even harder to meet your goals.

What role does success play in recovering from depression?

Success is crucial in recovery because it boosts energy and motivation. Achieving even small goals creates positive reinforcement, helping to reverse the negative cycle of failure and gradually increasing motivation and energy.

How can unrealistic goals contribute to the onset of depression?

Unrealistic goals can set someone up for failure, as they may not have the energy or motivation to meet those goals. Over time, this can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and a loss of motivation, which can trigger or worsen depression.

Can the level of motivation and energy return to what it was before depression?

Yes, through a process of gradually building successes, motivation and energy can improve. However, it is also possible that the original goals and expectations were unsustainable, and part of the recovery process may involve setting more realistic long-term goals.

What is the difference between the energy you wish to have and the energy you actually have in depression?

The energy you wish to have refers to the level of motivation and ability you had before depression, or what you feel you 'should' have. The energy you actually have, however, is often much lower when you're experiencing depression, and failing to recognize this difference can perpetuate the condition.