Connecting With Your Family | Emily Dean | TEDxYouth@MBJH

TEDx Talks

21 Jun 202206:40

Summary

TLDRThe speaker reflects on the importance of family connections, sharing personal experiences about how family gatherings and traditions have shaped their life. Despite the challenges posed by the pandemic, which disrupted face-to-face interactions, the speaker emphasizes the need to maintain meaningful connections through calls, letters, and virtual meetings. They highlight the value of family history, advice shared during family dinners, and the lasting impact of close relationships. The talk encourages others to nurture deep connections with extended family, emphasizing the lifelong benefits of strong familial bonds.

Takeaways

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family connections are crucial for emotional support and maintaining a sense of belonging.
📉 A significant portion of Americans have experienced family estrangement, with 27% not in contact with extended family.
💬 Regular communication, whether through phone calls or video chats like FaceTime, strengthens family bonds.
🏠 Family gatherings and traditions, such as annual trips and visits, help create lasting memories and maintain connections.
🌐 The pandemic disrupted family gatherings, highlighting the importance of finding alternative ways to stay connected.
✉️ Writing letters can be a meaningful way to strengthen relationships and feel more connected to loved ones.
🍽️ Family dinners serve as an essential time for communication, sharing stories, and passing down family histories.
📚 Knowing and sharing family history helps preserve the legacy and strengthens family identity for future generations.
🧠 Conversations around the dinner table often lead to valuable advice and wisdom from family members.
🤝 Building meaningful, deep connections with family members can lead to stronger relationships and support systems in life.

Q & A

What prompted the family to take a trip to Asheville, North Carolina?
-The family decided to take a trip to Asheville, North Carolina after the grandmother's funeral in 2015 to spend time together and recover from the difficult few weeks they had just experienced.
What does the speaker mention about family estrangement statistics in the U.S.?
-The speaker cites statistics from Carl Pillemer's 'Fault Lines,' stating that 40% of Americans have been estranged from their extended family at least once, and currently, 27% of Americans do not have contact with any extended family.
How does the speaker feel about their connection with extended family?
-The speaker values their close relationship with extended family, emphasizing that their life would be very different without those connections.
What role does Uncle Bob play in the speaker’s life?
-Uncle Bob, who lives in Knoxville, Tennessee, calls the speaker every few days and has recently learned to use FaceTime. They talk about school, grades, and even what type of ice cream they'll have for dessert, with these conversations being cherished by the speaker.
How has the pandemic affected the speaker’s family gatherings?
-The pandemic put a pause on the family’s ability to gather in person, making it difficult to maintain their usual family traditions like Fourth of July and Thanksgiving trips, playing bocce ball, or chatting over coffee.
How did the speaker and their family maintain communication during the pandemic?
-During the pandemic, the family resorted to other forms of communication, such as FaceTime calls and writing letters, to stay connected when they couldn’t gather in person.
Why does the speaker value writing letters over sending texts?
-The speaker believes that writing letters takes more time and feels more meaningful than sending a text message. It helped them strengthen their connections with loved ones during the pandemic.
How does the speaker view family dinners, and why are they important?
-The speaker views family dinners as essential for communication, learning conversation skills, and passing down family histories. It’s during these dinners that family stories are shared, and wisdom is passed down to younger generations.
What family history does the speaker learn about during family conversations?
-The speaker shares a family history of their great-grandmother, who lost her parents and brother in a train crash in 1917. This tragedy left her with only her sister, and she passed down the lessons learned from this experience to future generations.
What message does the speaker emphasize about maintaining family connections?
-The speaker emphasizes the importance of making meaningful and deep connections with family, not just through casual texts or social media but through intentional communication, such as phone calls or face-to-face interactions.

Outlines

00:00

💔 Family Loss and a Memorable Trip

The speaker recounts the emotional experience of losing their grandmother in 2015. After the funeral, their family decided to take a trip to Asheville, North Carolina, to come together and cope with the stress of the previous weeks. This trip ended up leaving a lasting impression on the speaker’s life.

05:01

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Importance of Family Connections

The speaker emphasizes the significance of staying close to extended family. Citing a statistic from Carl Pillimer’s book *Fault Lines*, they reveal that 40% of Americans have experienced family estrangement, while 27% no longer have contact with extended relatives. The speaker reflects on their own relationship with family members, including frequent calls from Uncle Bob and visits to Aunt Caroline, underscoring the deep connections they maintain.

🍦 Family Bonding through Everyday Conversations

The speaker shares fond memories of regular FaceTime calls with Uncle Bob, who often inquires about their studies and daily life. These seemingly simple conversations, ranging from school updates to favorite ice cream flavors, have become cherished moments in the speaker’s life, representing the lasting impact of family bonds.

🏡 A Second Home at Aunt Caroline’s

Though Aunt Caroline lives in a different city, the speaker and their family visit often, making her house feel like a second home. These visits are treasured occasions where they reunite with cousins over dinner, and they emphasize the family’s effort to protect and prioritize their time together despite the challenges of life.

🏖️ Family Traditions and Annual Trips

The speaker describes how annual trips to Hilton Head Island and Asheville, North Carolina, during the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving are some of their most cherished days. These trips involve playing bocce ball, competitive football, chatting over coffee, and taking hikes, all of which strengthen family ties and create lasting memories.

😷 The Impact of the Pandemic on Family Gatherings

The pandemic temporarily paused the speaker's ability to spend time with their family, creating uncertainty about gathering in groups, hugging, and even seeing each other’s smiles behind masks. The speaker reflects on how the pandemic made them feel disconnected and missing a part of themselves, underscoring the importance of physical presence for family bonding.

👥 Family as a Support System During Tough Times

The speaker reflects on the importance of family during uncertain and celebratory times, as well as for preserving family history. They highlight how meaningful family relationships can vanish if not nurtured, and the various ways families can stay connected—through calls, letters, and visits, even when physically distant.

📞 Staying Connected Virtually

The speaker discusses the growing importance of virtual connections, especially during the pandemic. They share personal experiences of strengthening their bond with cousins via FaceTime, showing how even casual calls can lead to deep and meaningful relationships.

✉️ The Power of Letter Writing

During the pandemic, the speaker started writing letters to those closest to them, finding that this practice deepened their relationships. While writing letters took more time than texting, it felt purposeful and strengthened bonds in a way that digital communication could not.

🍽️ The Importance of Family Dinners

The speaker reflects on the value of family dinners as a key way to communicate and pass down family history. They emphasize how these gatherings teach communication skills and help preserve stories and traditions from previous generations, like their great-grandmother’s life lessons, which have been passed down to them.

🎙️ Gaining Wisdom from Family Conversations

Conversations at the dinner table have provided the speaker with valuable advice and guidance. They recall a time when their family helped alleviate stress about school, demonstrating how family support can redirect and resolve personal challenges.

🌱 Instilling Family Values in Future Generations

The speaker emphasizes the need to teach the importance of family from a young age, as these are the people who will carry family history, provide support, and help during tough times. By fostering connections with extended family, individuals can build deeper relationships with others later in life.

❤️ Meaningful Family Connections

In closing, the speaker urges the audience to make meaningful connections with their family members beyond just sending texts or connecting on social media. Building these relationships requires effort, but it leads to strong and lasting bonds. As Uncle Bob would say, 'You’re good people because you come from good people.'

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Family

Family is a core theme of the script, emphasizing the importance of maintaining close relationships with extended family members. The speaker reflects on family gatherings, traditions, and the value of staying connected, especially during challenging times like the pandemic. Examples include the speaker's frequent visits to Aunt Caroline and annual trips with family.

💡Connection

Connection refers to the emotional bonds that family members share, which can be maintained through various means such as face-to-face visits, phone calls, and letters. The script highlights how staying connected with extended family members is crucial for personal growth, support, and preserving family history. Examples include Facetime calls with Uncle Bob and writing letters to loved ones.

💡Pandemic

The pandemic is mentioned as a significant event that disrupted the speaker's usual family interactions, making it harder to gather in person. This challenge prompted the speaker's family to find alternative ways to stay in touch, such as virtual calls and letter writing. The pandemic serves as a backdrop for emphasizing the importance of adapting to maintain family connections.

💡Tradition

Tradition plays a vital role in the speaker's family, with annual gatherings like Fourth of July and Thanksgiving trips serving as a way to bond and create lasting memories. These traditions strengthen family ties and ensure that relationships are nurtured consistently. Examples include trips to Hilton Head Island and playing bocce ball during family reunions.

💡Support

Support refers to the emotional and practical assistance that family members provide to each other during difficult times. The script illustrates how the speaker's family supports each other by discussing challenges at the dinner table and offering advice. An example is when the speaker received guidance from family members to manage stress about school and activities.

💡Communication

Communication is essential for maintaining strong family relationships, whether through in-person conversations, phone calls, or written letters. The script emphasizes that meaningful communication helps family members stay close, share stories, and offer support. Examples include Facetime calls with Uncle Bob and dinner table conversations about family history.

💡Family History

Family history refers to the stories, experiences, and lessons passed down from previous generations. The script highlights the importance of sharing these stories to keep the family's legacy alive and teach valuable lessons. An example is the story of the speaker's great-grandmother, who lost her parents and brother in a train crash in 1917, and how her resilience was passed down through the family.

💡Letter Writing

Letter writing is presented as a meaningful way to stay connected with loved ones, especially when in-person visits are not possible. The speaker finds that writing letters strengthens their connections with family members more effectively than quick text messages. This practice is highlighted as a way to show care and effort in maintaining relationships.

💡FaceTime

FaceTime is used as a tool for maintaining connections with family members when they cannot meet in person. The speaker mentions how Uncle Bob has learned to use FaceTime, humorously calling it 'Facebooking,' to stay in touch and discuss various topics. FaceTime symbolizes the adaptation to modern technology for preserving family bonds.

💡Celebration

Celebration refers to the times when family members come together to mark special occasions, such as holidays or family reunions. These moments of celebration are portrayed as essential for strengthening family bonds and creating cherished memories. Examples include the speaker's annual family trips during Fourth of July and Thanksgiving, where they play games, chat, and hike together.

Highlights

In 2015, after the death of the speaker’s grandmother, the family decided to take a trip to Asheville, North Carolina, to find solace and reconnect.

The speaker reflects on the statistic from 'Fault Lines' by Carl Pilmer, stating that 40% of Americans have been estranged from their extended family at least once.

The importance of maintaining contact with extended family is emphasized, particularly through the speaker’s relationship with Uncle Bob, who frequently calls.

The use of FaceTime, humorously referred to as 'forehead time,' allows the speaker to stay connected with Uncle Bob, who asks about school and personal life.

Annual family trips to Hilton Head Island and Asheville, North Carolina, including activities like bocce ball, football games, and coffee chats, are treasured memories.

The pandemic disrupted these family gatherings, creating uncertainty about how to maintain closeness and share experiences while socially distanced.

The speaker highlights how family is a 'tribe' and essential for emotional support during times of uncertainty and celebration, reinforcing the need for connection.

During the pandemic, the speaker missed family interactions and realized the importance of family connections for personal identity.

To keep the family bond alive, the speaker emphasizes alternatives to in-person gatherings, such as calls, letters, and virtual meetings.

The speaker shares the power of handwritten letters, noting how they felt more personal and meaningful compared to quick text messages.

Family dinners are described as a critical time for passing down stories, values, and communication skills to younger generations.

A family story about the speaker’s great-grandmother, who lost her parents and brother in a train crash in 1917, illustrates the importance of family history.

Conversations at the dining table provide wisdom and guidance, such as advice received during a time of stress about school and activities.

The speaker stresses that the value of family must be instilled at a young age, as these connections offer lifelong support and advice.

The speech concludes with a call to action: make meaningful, deep connections with family, beyond just text messages or Facebook friending.

A final takeaway from Uncle Bob’s advice: 'You're good people because you come from good people,' encouraging pride in family heritage.