Kompilasi Stand Up Abdur Kritisi Pemerintah: Pencuri Berijazah di Jakarta Dapat Fasilitas Mewah

Summary

The speaker humorously critiques various societal issues in Indonesia, touching on taxation, overpopulation in Jakarta, transportation, and the contrast between rural and urban life. Through satire, they address how Jakarta is overly centralized, affecting the rest of the country. They discuss education, poverty, and the treatment of criminals, with a mix of wit and social commentary. The speech also highlights disparities in media coverage, political corruption, and inefficiencies in government policies, all while keeping the tone light and engaging with playful analogies and jokes.

Takeaways

• 😄 Education services in Indonesia are not subject to VAT, but goods like uniforms and books are taxed, creating a humorous analogy that sleeping is free but closing your eyes costs money.
• 🏢 Jakarta's rapid urbanization could lead to extreme overcrowding by 2030, with people living so close that stepping out of one's room might lead into someone else's space.
• 🚡 As infrastructure grows denser, transportation might evolve to creative solutions like using flying foxes for commuting between Jakarta and Surabaya.
• 😂 Crime and punishment in Indonesia are perceived differently in Jakarta compared to other regions, where criminals might receive harsher physical punishment rather than media attention.
• 📺 Media in Jakarta tends to focus only on issues related to the city, while neglecting problems in other parts of the country like water shortages in the east.
• 🛶 In response to Jakarta's frequent flooding, a humorous suggestion was made to create a floating market, turning disaster into an economic opportunity.
• 🏞️ The Ministry of Underdeveloped Villages is humorously criticized for being based in Jakarta instead of in rural areas, leading to inefficiencies.
• 🚢 Indonesia is likened to an old ship, steered by a captain who is more interested in personal gains than the well-being of the nation.
• 👴 The government expects elderly teachers to remain creative, which is seen as unrealistic, with the suggestion that their focus should be on spiritual growth instead.
• 🎓 Politicians are often criticized for prioritizing political alliances over real solutions to the country’s problems, particularly in remote areas, leading to disillusionment with reforms.

Q & A

What is the main point of the speaker's comparison between sleeping and paying for closing one's eyes?

The speaker humorously highlights the absurdity of certain taxes, comparing it to how sleeping is free, but paying for closing your eyes would be ridiculous, similar to how some goods are taxed while others aren't.

What prediction does the speaker make about Jakarta's future in terms of housing?

The speaker predicts that by 2030, Jakarta will be so densely built that leaving one’s room could lead directly into someone else’s room, exaggerating the overcrowding problem.

What transport system does the speaker humorously suggest for Jakarta?

The speaker jokingly suggests using a 'flying fox' transportation system between tall monuments like Monas in Jakarta and Tugu Pahlawan in Surabaya due to future road congestion.

How does the speaker contrast the treatment of thieves in Jakarta versus Eastern Indonesia?

The speaker contrasts that thieves in Eastern Indonesia are beaten up and severely punished, while thieves in Jakarta receive media attention and even luxurious prison facilities.

What issue does the speaker raise about media coverage in Jakarta?

The speaker criticizes the Jakarta-centric media coverage, noting that issues like floods are covered extensively, while important problems like water shortages in other regions, such as Eastern Indonesia, are ignored.

What satirical suggestion does the speaker offer to handle Jakarta's flooding?

The speaker humorously suggests creating floating markets during floods, similar to those in Banjarmasin, to keep the economy running by using sampans (small boats) to trade goods.

What criticism does the speaker make about the location of Indonesia's Ministry of Disadvantaged Villages?

The speaker criticizes that the Ministry of Disadvantaged Villages is located in Jakarta, far from the rural areas it is supposed to help, making it ineffective, like placing a scarecrow in the ocean to scare away whales.

How does the speaker describe the state of Indonesia using a nautical metaphor?

The speaker likens Indonesia to an old ship that has lost its direction due to the leadership's focus on personal desires, such as family and political connections, rather than the nation's welfare.

What is the speaker's perspective on the government's expectations from older teachers?

The speaker finds it unrealistic that the government expects elderly teachers, who are near retirement, to suddenly become creative. They suggest that at this stage, teachers should focus on their spiritual growth rather than drastic professional improvements.

Why does the speaker suggest that political candidates are already 'crazy'?

The speaker points out that candidates for the Indonesian parliament (DPR RI) face such slim chances of winning (8% chance) that anyone spending a large amount of money for such a low probability is already 'crazy,' indicating their desperate desire for power.

Outlines

00:00

🛏️ The Ironic Costs of Living in Jakarta

This paragraph humorously discusses the state of Jakarta's dense population and development. It contrasts essential free services like sleeping, with the irony of paying for necessary accessories like eye covers. The speaker notes how overcrowded Jakarta will become by 2030, where stepping out of your own room could mean entering a neighbor’s space. The mention of flying fox transport due to excessive building and congestion adds satire. The commentary then shifts to the disparity in justice between Jakarta and other regions, humorously critiquing the glorification of thieves in the media, which doesn't happen in less centralized regions like Eastern Indonesia.

05:02

🌊 Misplaced Priorities: Kementerian Desa and Jakarta's Development

The speaker questions the logic of placing the Ministry for Underdeveloped Villages in Jakarta, arguing that it doesn’t make sense given its purpose. Using an analogy of putting scarecrows in the ocean to ward off whales, the speaker criticizes the inefficiency of centralizing a ministry meant to serve rural areas far from Jakarta. The speaker shares the perspective of someone from a remote fishing village, seeing Indonesia as an old ship with unclear direction, driven by leaders with personal agendas. The paragraph critiques the lack of focus on truly underdeveloped areas and the misplaced attention on urban development.

Keywords

💡PPN (Value Added Tax)

PPN refers to 'Pajak Pertambahan Nilai', Indonesia's Value Added Tax. In the script, there is a humorous comparison between essential services that are exempt from PPN (such as educational services) and items like school shoes and bags, which are taxed. The speaker uses this to highlight how some necessary goods face taxation while basic actions like sleeping remain free, creating a satirical commentary on government policies.

💡Jakarta's Overdevelopment

The speaker criticizes the overdevelopment and overpopulation of Jakarta, predicting a future where the city becomes so densely built that people might 'exit their rooms and enter someone else's'. This reflects concerns about urban planning, infrastructure strain, and the unbalanced centralization of resources and development in Jakarta, which is contrasted with underdeveloped areas in Indonesia.

💡Flying Fox as Transport

The speaker humorously imagines a future where, due to overpopulation and overbuilding in Jakarta, traditional modes of transportation like cars and motorcycles are impossible, and 'flying fox' systems are used to travel between cities. This exaggeration satirizes the challenges of transportation in Indonesia’s densely populated areas and the absurdity of extreme urbanization.

💡Desa Tertinggal (Underdeveloped Villages)

The script critiques the location of the Ministry of Underdeveloped Villages (Kementerian Desa Tertinggal) in Jakarta, far from the actual underdeveloped villages it is meant to serve. The speaker argues that placing such a ministry in the capital is akin to putting a scarecrow in the ocean to scare away whales, highlighting the disconnect between government offices and the people they are supposed to help.

💡Media Bias

The speaker highlights the dominance of Jakarta-centric stories in national media, explaining how issues like floods and traffic in Jakarta are heavily covered, while problems like water shortages in other parts of Indonesia are overlooked. This reflects the perceived media bias, where the struggles of people outside of the capital are often ignored, contributing to inequality in public attention and resources.

💡Banana Stem Boats

The speaker suggests that during Jakarta’s annual floods, people should turn the streets into a floating market like those in Banjarmasin, where vendors use sampans (boats). This humorous idea underlines the repeated nature of flooding in Jakarta and offers an ironic solution to turn a disaster into an opportunity, highlighting the inefficiency of government responses to recurring problems.

💡Kementerian Desa Tertinggal (Ministry of Underdeveloped Villages)

The Ministry of Underdeveloped Villages is meant to aid rural and remote areas in Indonesia, but the speaker mocks its placement in Jakarta, far from the communities it is supposed to help. The joke emphasizes the disconnect between decision-makers and the realities of rural life, symbolizing ineffective governance.

💡Old Teachers and Creativity

The speaker critiques the government’s expectation for older teachers, some nearing retirement, to become more creative. He humorously suggests that instead of pushing them to innovate, they should simply focus on their 'amal dan ibadah' (good deeds and worship), indicating the impracticality of expecting late-career professionals to adopt new methods or technologies.

💡Reformasi (Reformation)

Reformasi refers to the political and social reform era in Indonesia that began after the fall of Suharto in 1998. The speaker reflects on the 16 years since reformasi, lamenting that despite promises of improvement, the country remains stagnant in many areas, particularly in addressing issues faced by marginalized communities. This critique underscores the disappointment many Indonesians feel about the slow pace of change.

💡DPR RI (House of Representatives)

The speaker sarcastically comments on the competitiveness and high cost of securing a seat in the Indonesian House of Representatives (DPR RI), with individuals spending vast amounts of money for a small chance of winning. He calls out the 'madness' of the process, implying that those who pursue these positions may already be 'crazy' for investing so much in a system that yields such slim chances of success.

Highlights

In Indonesia, educational services are exempt from VAT, but school supplies like shoes and books are subject to it, leading to a humorous analogy about free sleep but having to pay for closing your eyes.

The speaker humorously envisions a future where Jakarta becomes so crowded that stepping out of your room means entering someone else's room, emphasizing urban overpopulation.

With the increasing urban density, the speaker jokes that flying foxes will become a mode of transportation in Jakarta.

The speaker humorously contrasts the harsh treatment of thieves in rural areas, where they are beaten, with the more lenient, even glamorous treatment in Jakarta, where they might be interviewed and appear on TV.

The irony is highlighted when rural thieves, who are not famous like their Jakarta counterparts, return home to 'go to school' in hopes of gaining recognition.

The media's Jakarta-centric focus is criticized, noting that events like floods in Jakarta receive significant coverage, while water shortages in other regions are ignored.

The speaker humorously proposes turning Jakarta’s frequent floods into an economic opportunity by creating floating markets, like those in Banjarmasin, where people can trade using boats.

A joke about haggling in floating markets during floods highlights the absurdity of trying to negotiate prices while being carried away by the current.

The speaker satirizes the placement of the Ministry of Rural Development in Jakarta, suggesting it’s as ineffective as placing a scarecrow in the ocean to scare away whales.

The metaphor of Indonesia as an old ship with a captain unable to read the map, distracted by personal interests, captures the speaker's view of the country’s lack of direction.

The diversity of Indonesia’s population, from Sumatra to Papua, is highlighted, but the speaker laments the lack of unity and direction, likening the country to a ship with passengers from different backgrounds but no clear path.

The government’s attempt to certify aging teachers and demand creativity from them is mocked, with the speaker suggesting that at their age, the only things they can improve are their religious duties.

Forcing elderly teachers to be creative is compared to making toddlers understand statistics, emphasizing the absurdity of such expectations.

The speaker calls out the government’s failure to support teachers in remote areas, where even basic infrastructure like phone signals is lacking, despite these teachers’ long-standing dedication.

The frustration with politicians who prioritize forming coalitions over finding solutions to real issues, such as the suffering of minorities, is a recurring theme.

The final satirical point compares the fierce competition for seats in the DPR RI (Indonesian parliament) to a nonsensical investment with low chances of success, humorously questioning the sanity of those who spend large sums to pursue these positions.

Transcripts

Hai

di Indonesia itu jasa pendidikan itu

tidak masuk dalam PPN tidak kena PPN

tapi barang Teddy kan sepatu seragam

buku tas itu kena PPN ini sama seperti

tidur Itu gratis tapi kalau tutup mata

bayar

[Musik]

jadi kita kalau tidur tuh buka mata saja

begini

lama-lama bikinkan sakratul maut kita

seperti yang saya bilang di putaran

pertama tadi Jakarta memang banyak

bangunan pemukiman juga padat

2030 kalau Jakarta ini selalu dibangun

seperti ini itu saking padatnya nanti

itu kita keluar kamar itu sudah masuk

kamar orang lain

Jadi begitu keluar kamar Begitu keluar

kamar ah om tante permisi

ya Om ke atas-bawah E

[Tepuk tangan]

itu jalan-jalan jadi tidak ada mobil

motor tidak bisa jalan karena

jalan-jalan ke bangunan semua akhirnya

transportasi Pak apa flying fox

jakarta-surabaya Monas ditinggikan Tugu

Pahlawan ditinggikan flying fox

dari Jakarta

Woi dari belakang ada nyusul mijon meja

yang awesome John

Den senden Indonesia itu memang terlalu

terpusat di Jakarta terlalu terpusat di

Jakarta

pencuri baik bahkan makanya kejahatan

tuh bikin apa juga datang kesini begitu

Mencuri itu teman-teman di Timur itu

dapat tangkap itu pasti dapat pukul

sampai busuk sampai bos uh uh musuh

pencuri di sini itu dapat foto

dapat syuting wawancara masuk tipi masuk

penjara fasilitas mewah

map makanya nol Timur di sana tuh

pikir-pikir ah kita pencuri yang sama

tapi kok kita tidak termasuk TV

kita pencuri di Jakarta saja

akhirnya mereka datang kesini pencuri

disini dapat tangkap Alhamdulillah

dipukul sampai besok juga

sampai musuh uh sampai busuk karena apa

karep Kenapa mereka tidak masuk TV

karena mereka ini bukan pencuri yang

berijazah

uh

uh Akhirnya mereka pulang ke timur lagi

untuk sekolah

[Musik]

tapi mereka tidak sadar bis Timur itu

sekolah juga susah hei sama saja begitu

dan media-media di Jakarta itu

teman-teman itu isinya itu itu hanya

orang Jakarta saja media-media di

Indonesia isinya keluar orang Jakarta

Kami di timur sampai Taiwan Kalian

disini begitu heran begitu

evolusi banjir macet mencret kowe

macam-macam

ah

macam-macam with dibilang banjir

kelebihan air itu diliput Kami di sana

kekurangan air itu luput

luput

banjir begitu banjir datang tiap tahun

dibilang melumpuhkan ekonomi SY kasih

usul ya biar it ekonomi tidak lumpuh

tiap kali banjir datang buat pasar

terapung matang di Banjarmasin

Iya

Jadi tiap kali banjir datang begitu

semua pakai sampan mulai berjualan

dayung-dayung

keliling Kompleks di pangkalan ojek ada

David uji sampan begitu

halo pituk itu perdagangan jadi efektif

karena orang-orang mau tawar-menawar itu

akan pikir-pikir Om itu baju berapa

100.000 adik ah terlalu mahal Rp50.000

aja Ah tidak bisa ada tasnya 80 ah 50

tidak bisa 80 Ayah sudah sampai tinggal

Ada Yang Abadi

Kenapa tidak bilang dari tadi ini saya

tahu lagi

hai day lagi 10 kali torpedo

pulang-pulang dengan putus

apa metode pura-pura pergi itu tidak

bisa tidak bisa diterapkan di pasar

terapung tidak bisa apalagi kalau

banjirnya pas deras Begitu

adek Mari sudah Rp50.000 sudah berilah

level 35 30.000 Ya sudah beratus-ratus

Ini bukan begitu Om Bukan saya tidak mau

ke situ Ini sudah terbawa arus ini

teman-teman teman-teman tahu gedung

Kementerian desa tertinggal itu ada di

mana ada di Jakarta fungsinya apa

fungsinya itu sama seperti kita buat

orang-orangan sawah taruh di laut

buat apa

mau mengusir paus pakai orang-orangan

sawah Hah

maksud saya akan segala sesuatu itu

berdasarkan fungsinya Kementerian desa

tertinggal ya taruh desa tertinggal

begitu ntar bisa Tertinggal

kalau taruh di Jakarta tiap pagi Dek

bangun buka jendela begitu dibuka Woi

bangunan sudah banyak gedung sudah

banyak oh Indonesia sudah maju

cauter desa tertinggal begitu buka

jendela Eh ini jendela dimana ini saking

tertinggalnya dijelasin tidak ada

Oh iya mungkin itu karena memang namanya

Kementerian desa tertinggal jadi

menterinya disini desanya ditinggal

sebagai anak nelayan dari lamakera saya

melihat Indonesia itu seperti kapal tua

yang berlayar tak tahu arah

Arahnya ada hanya nahkoda kita yang

tidak bisa membaca Mungkin dia bisa

membaca tapi tertutup hasrat

membabi-buta

hasrat hidupi keluarga saudara kolega

dan mungkin istri muda

Indonesia itu memang seperti kapal tua

dengan penumpang berbagai rupa ada dari

Sumatera Jawa Madura Sumbawa hingga

Papua bersatu dalam Nusantara

pemerintah itu memberikan sertifikasi

pada guru guru tua tapi mereka menuntut

agar guru-guru ini bisa kreatif Hai

sekarang pertanyaannya apa yang bisa

kita tingkatkan dari mereka yang 12

tahun lagi pensiun yang bisa

ditingkatkan tiga amal dan ibadah saja

teman-teman memaksa orang tua untuk

kreatif itu sama seperti kita memaksa

balita untuk mengerti statistik

ahado Ade lucunya Eh Dek rata-rata

simpangan baku umur teman-temanmu berapa

ya

pingsan

[Musik]

maksud saya begini teman-teman kalau

pemerintah itu memang mau memberikan

tunjangan untuk guru-guru yang tua ya

sudah kasih saja tidak perlu Tutut

apa-apa dari mereka karena apa Karena

itu akhirnya mereka

tonton Kalau tidak ada mereka Siapa yang

Pulau mau puluhan tahun bebeapa mengajar

di pelosok desa Hai siapa sinyal saja

masuk Esa itu sinyal pikir-pikir

teman-teman sudah 16 tahun kita tertatih

dalam reformasi ditipu oleh para

politisi yang katanya berikan bukti

bukan janji tapi begitu ada tangis

seorang minor dipelosok Negeri Mereka

sibuk mencari koalisi bukan solusi

makanya teman-teman daripada sibuk

nonton mereka yang debat di televisi

lebih baik datang kesini bisa cuci mata

ada konten ini

[Musik]

[Tepuk tangan]

tonton ada

6608 orang yang berebut kursi di DPR RI

560 Kursi ini berarti satu orang itu

cuman punya peluang menang Delapan

persen Delapan persen memang tidak semua

tapi ada orang yang menghabiskan uang

banyak untuk mendapatkan posisi ini

pertanyaannya sekarang adalah orang gila

Mana yang mau menghabiskan uang banyak

untuk investasi yang peluang dia kalau

ada dua persen orang gila mana Makanya

kalau ada yang bilang anggota DPR itu

gila Heh mereka itu sudah gila dari awal

[Musik]