Surviving A Breakup: Your Ultimate Guide (No B.S.)

Summary

This video offers a practical and motivational breakup survival guide. It emphasizes the importance of fully processing emotions rather than suppressing them, using a relatable metaphor about taking out emotional 'trash.' The speaker advocates for cutting contact with an ex, following the '11-week rule,' and focusing on personal growth. By turning breakup pain into a breakthrough, viewers are encouraged to channel their energy into self-improvement, whether through fitness, creativity, or setting new relationship goals. The video concludes with a positive outlook, urging viewers to envision a better future and partner.

Takeaways

• 😀 **85% of people experience breakups**: Breakups are common, and it's okay to seek help or guidance during this challenging time.
• 🤔 **Avoid suppression**: Don’t suppress or ignore your feelings post-breakup. Suppressed emotions will resurface later and may cause more harm.
• 🗑️ **Deal with emotions like trash**: Just as trash needs to be taken out before it overflows, emotions need to be addressed, not pushed down.
• 😞 **Lean into emotions**: Feel and process your emotions rather than escaping through distractions like partying, relationships, or video games.
• ⏳ **The 11-week rule**: It typically takes around 11 weeks to get over a breakup, but only if you cut off contact with your ex.
• 🚫 **Cut contact completely**: Unfollow your ex on social media and remove any reminders to help you heal. No contact is key to moving on.
• 🖼️ **Back up memories**: Store memories of your relationship on a USB to create distance but avoid feeling like they’re gone forever.
• 🏋️ **Channel pain into growth**: Breakups can be used as motivation for self-improvement, like pursuing fitness, career goals, or creative projects.
• 🌱 **Breakups can lead to breakthroughs**: Personal growth often comes from adversity, and breakups can be a springboard for reinventing yourself.
• 📜 **Future partner exercise**: Write down detailed qualities you want in a future partner. Being specific can help attract the right person.

Q & A

What is the primary message of the video?

The primary message is to provide a survival guide for dealing with breakups by facing emotions, not suppressing them, and focusing on personal growth and healing.

Why does the speaker advise against suppressing emotions after a breakup?

The speaker compares suppressed emotions to overflowing trash—you might ignore them for a while, but eventually, they'll need to be addressed. Suppressing emotions delays healing and can lead to long-term emotional issues.

What is the '11-week rule' mentioned in the video?

The '11-week rule' suggests that it typically takes about 11 weeks for most people to get over a breakup. During this time, it is important to cut ties with the ex and give oneself space to heal.

Why does the speaker recommend unfollowing your ex on social media?

The speaker explains that seeing your ex on social media triggers memories and emotions that hinder the healing process. Unfollowing or blocking them helps avoid constant reminders, allowing for emotional recovery.

What is the significance of the speaker’s story about making themselves cry?

The speaker shares this story to illustrate the importance of feeling emotions instead of numbing them. By allowing themselves to cry, they began to process their sadness and eventually started feeling better.

How does the speaker relate personal growth to breakups?

The speaker believes that breakups often serve as catalysts for personal growth. They share examples of how breakups motivated them to pursue passions like launching a YouTube channel or joining a band.

What does the speaker mean by 'your breakup is your breakthrough'?

The speaker suggests that breakups, while painful, offer opportunities for growth, self-improvement, and even new ventures. The pain can be channeled into positive outcomes like personal projects or fitness goals.

Why does the speaker say 'once you become a pickle, you can never go back to being a cucumber'?

This metaphor means that once a relationship has ended, you can't return to being 'just friends' with the same emotional connection. The relationship has fundamentally changed, and it's important to fully detach for healing.

What advice does the speaker give about future relationships?

The speaker advises writing down the qualities you want in a future partner. This exercise helps clarify what you’re looking for, and they suggest it might even help manifest the right partner in the future.

What is the speaker's perspective on handling breakups in the digital age?

The speaker highlights that, unlike 20 years ago when breakups often meant complete disconnection, today’s digital world keeps exes in your daily life through social media. They recommend setting boundaries by removing these digital connections.

Outlines

00:00

💔 How Common Are Breakups and How to Start Healing

The video opens with a reflection on the commonness of breakups and the feelings of shame that can come with seeking help. The narrator reassures viewers that 85% of people experience a breakup, and highlights shocking statistics, like 50% of breakups happening on Mondays and 25% over text. The narrator shares personal experiences of searching for guidance after a breakup and emphasizes the importance of addressing the pain instead of avoiding it.

05:02

🗑️ Don’t Suppress Your Emotions, Deal with Them

The narrator discourages viewers from suppressing their emotions after a breakup, using the metaphor of a trash can overflowing if not emptied. Suppressing feelings only leads to unresolved emotions building up. The narrator warns against common coping mechanisms like drinking or jumping into new relationships to escape the pain, encouraging viewers to face their emotions instead of avoiding them.

10:03

😢 Feel Your Pain to Heal

The narrator explains the importance of leaning into painful emotions instead of numbing them. Using a personal story, they recall a time when they felt numb after a breakup and turned to emotional content (Korean commercials) to help them cry and process their feelings. The key message is that emotions are a sign of being alive, and by allowing yourself to feel the pain, you can also make room to experience positive emotions later.

15:05

🕰️ The 11-Week Rule: Time and Distance Heal

The narrator introduces the '11-week rule,' which suggests it takes about 11 weeks for most people to start getting over a breakup. They stress the importance of cutting off contact with the ex to avoid lingering emotions and emphasize that seeing your ex on social media can hinder your healing. The narrator recommends unfollowing and blocking your ex and shares practical advice on backing up photos to a hard drive to avoid accidental triggers.

🚫 Setting Boundaries with Your Ex

In this section, the narrator delves deeper into the importance of setting emotional boundaries. They emphasize that keeping contact with an ex can prevent healing and that maintaining social media connections or occasional interactions may reignite old feelings. The narrator encourages people to be firm in their boundaries, even if it feels harsh, for the sake of their own emotional health.

🌟 Your Breakup Can Be a Breakthrough

The narrator reframes breakups as opportunities for growth and reinvention, sharing stories of how breakups led to personal breakthroughs like starting a YouTube channel or learning a new skill. They motivate viewers to channel the energy from their pain into something productive, whether it's starting a new project, getting in shape, or focusing on personal development. Breakups, they argue, are often the catalyst for some of life's biggest successes.

✍️ Dream Future Partner Exercise

The narrator introduces an exercise to help viewers visualize their ideal future partner. By writing down detailed qualities they desire in a partner, viewers can focus on what they truly want in their next relationship. The narrator shares a personal anecdote about how this exercise helped them attract their current partner. They encourage viewers to be specific, as there’s a metaphysical element to manifesting what you want in a partner.

🛠️ Breakup Survival Guide Review and Final Tips

In the final section, the narrator summarizes the key points of the video, reminding viewers not to suppress their emotions and to embrace the healing process. They reiterate the importance of setting boundaries with an ex, avoiding social media triggers, and using the breakup as an opportunity for growth. The video ends with encouraging advice, urging viewers to take control of their lives and look forward to a brighter future.

Keywords

💡Breakup

A breakup refers to the end of a romantic relationship. In the video, the speaker addresses how breakups are a common experience, with 85% of people experiencing one in their lifetime. The video aims to provide strategies for coping with the emotional aftermath of a breakup, emphasizing that it's a painful but normal part of life.

💡Suppression

Suppression is the act of pushing down or ignoring emotions. The video warns against suppressing feelings after a breakup, comparing it to pushing down trash in a trash can. Over time, suppressed emotions build up and can lead to more significant emotional harm, which is why the speaker advises viewers to confront and feel their emotions instead.

💡Emotional fever

The concept of an 'emotional fever' is used metaphorically to describe the intense emotions one feels after a breakup, akin to having a physical fever. The speaker encourages viewers to treat their emotional state as they would a sickness—by allowing themselves to feel and process the emotions instead of ignoring them.

💡Numbing

Numbing refers to avoiding emotional pain by distracting oneself through activities like drinking, partying, or immediately seeking new relationships. The video advises against this approach, as numbing out only delays the emotional healing process. Instead, the speaker encourages facing the pain directly.

💡11-week rule

The '11-week rule' refers to the idea that, on average, it takes about 11 weeks to recover emotionally from a breakup. The speaker shares this insight from personal experience, advising viewers to fully commit to a period of emotional healing by cutting off contact with their ex during this time.

💡No contact

No contact means cutting off all communication and interaction with an ex-partner after a breakup. The speaker argues that staying in contact with an ex can hinder the healing process by keeping the emotional connection alive. He strongly advises unfollowing and blocking the ex on social media to avoid being reminded of the past relationship.

💡Emotional capacity

Emotional capacity refers to a person's ability to feel and process emotions. In the video, the speaker emphasizes that the ability to feel emotions, both positive and negative, is what makes us human. Suppressing negative emotions can also dampen one’s capacity to experience positive emotions, which is why the speaker encourages embracing all feelings after a breakup.

💡Reinvention

Reinvention is the process of using a painful experience, such as a breakup, as an opportunity to grow and improve oneself. The speaker encourages viewers to see their breakup as a turning point to reinvent themselves, whether it’s through personal projects, fitness, or pursuing new passions. This helps turn pain into productive energy for self-improvement.

💡Breakup as a breakthrough

The phrase 'breakup as a breakthrough' suggests that a breakup can be a catalyst for personal growth. The speaker views breakups as moments that force introspection and self-improvement, leading to positive changes in life. By reframing the breakup as a breakthrough, viewers can find motivation to build a better version of themselves.

💡Dream future partner exercise

The 'dream future partner exercise' is an activity recommended by the speaker where individuals write down specific qualities they want in their future partner. This exercise helps clarify what the person truly desires in a relationship and aids in attracting a partner who meets those criteria. The speaker believes that being specific about what you want in a partner increases the likelihood of finding someone who aligns with your vision.

Highlights

There is no shame in going through a breakup—85% of people will experience one, and many feel judged for seeking help.

The video is created as a breakup survival guide to help people heal, offering practical advice rather than emotional wallowing.

Bad advice includes ignoring the existence of an ex or immediately jumping into a new relationship—these actions suppress emotions rather than healing them.

Suppressing emotions is like stuffing trash into a bin without taking it out—eventually, it will overflow and stink up your life.

Numbing out with distractions like partying, drinking, or short-term relationships only delays emotional processing.

Instead of avoiding pain, lean into your feelings to fully experience and process them, allowing for faster emotional recovery.

Suppressing emotions cuts off both negative and positive feelings—if you numb out, you can't fully experience happiness either.

Breakups are emotional 'fevers' that require time and care, similar to how we recover from physical sickness.

It takes about 11 weeks to get over a breakup for most people, but staying in contact with an ex can extend the healing process.

It’s essential to unfollow and remove all connections to an ex on social media to prevent emotional triggers and promote healing.

Consider moving all memories (photos, messages) to a USB drive to reduce the temptation to revisit the past without feeling like you're erasing it entirely.

71% of people don't regret their breakups, and most find that time brings new clarity and relief.

Your breakup can be your breakthrough—channel the pain into productive actions like pursuing new hobbies, goals, or even fitness.

Hardships like breakups often prepare you for better things to come, helping you grow emotionally and become ready for healthier relationships.

Exercise: Write down everything you want in a future partner, from superficial traits to deeper lifestyle desires, to manifest a healthier relationship.

Transcripts

how do you get over your breakout maybe

that's why you clicked on this video and

maybe part of you is even judging

yourself like do I really need to click

on YouTube videos to help me get like am

I in that much pain but I promise this

is going to be one of the most valuable

videos for your situation that you can

watch this video is your ultimate

breakup Survival Guide first thing there

is no shame 85% of people will

experience a breakup at some point in

their life 50% of those happen on Monday

and 25% of those happen over text

message brutal it's reported that one

out of five women experienced depression

after a breakup and one out of three men

I'm making this video for the former

version of me who was getting out of a

long-term relationship and it was a

brutal transition and maybe you can

relate but I went to videos and books

and they all had this tone like you know

the tone I'm talking about where sad and

emotional I'm watching this like dude

this is making me feel worse why does

this thing have like a funeral to when

I'm sad I need someone to like sit me

down and say dude you do these things

you're going to feel better okay and so

that's what I'm making this video for

that's where I'm coming from I want to

walk through what you're feeling in the

past how do you handle that what to do

what not to do I want to talk about what

you are feeling now two pieces of advice

I would recommend you do and take and

then we'll talk about your future what

happens beyondness the lights at the end

of the tunnel okay so if that sounds

good hit that like button and and let's

get rocking let's take it from the top

so part one your past let's talk about

what you don't do I saw a piece of

advice before this video that had

millions and millions of views it was on

this topic how to get over a breakup I

won't tell you who it was I don't want

to throw people under the bus but it

said the easiest way to get over your

breakup is to pretend they don't exist

it takes you as long to get over as you

say it does go out and find someone new

that's bad advice because that means a

you didn't care about them cuz you feel

nothing and I know that's not true

otherwise you wouldn't be watching this

or B you're just going to suppress and

not deal with the emotion after a

breakup so my very first tip to you is

do not take that advice do not suppress

do not suppress your feelings I have a

trash can here why you have a trash can

in your house what happens if you throw

trash in it eventually you have to take

it out otherwise it stinks up your whole

house but what do most people do you

it's getting kind of full got the pizza

box let me just you know push down the

trash a little bit and then I can throw

more on there that works for a while but

eventually if you don't deal with it

it's going to overflow and stink up your

entire house you eventually have to look

at it and say I can't live like this and

you take it out what you suppress works

the exact same way that a lot of people

they numb out or they ignore what your

feeling post breakup but if you suppress

it and ignore it and just try to like

move on instantly without dealing with

it what you're doing is shoving emotions

down that you're just going to have to

deal with later you're in pain right now

so it's so tempting to spend all day

escaping what you're feeling you know

people drink people party people sit on

the couch playing video games people

instantly get in short-term

relationships or use people to try and

get over people and I'm not necessarily

judging any of that because I've done a

lot of that too I know the pain but what

I wish I would have done is not run away

from the emotions because you will

eventually have to deal with that well

so okay what do I do instead do I just

like sit there with it you do step

number two is you feel into instead of

numbing out think about the last time

you were sick did you sit there and

judge yourself and say like oh you're so

weak for being sick can't believe you

got sick look at your temperature you're

worse than the average person we don't

say that in fact we pause and we give

ourselves time to get over it we focus

on self-care we don't try to force

oursel to be a certain way we don't try

to like force ourselves to go to work or

hang out with friends we take time to

work on ourselves without judgment and

we allow ourselves to process through it

and feel in fact resisting the sickness

can make it worse so what you need to do

right now with all your emotions is to

feel into it instead of focusing on

numbing out and escaping understand that

right now you have what I call an

emotional fever same way you were sick

you have a temperature that comes on to

help you process whatever is going on

inside these emotions are coming up and

they're not bad or wrong bit of a

personal story if that's okay with you I

remember after one of the breakups I

went through I was at a really low point

I was like in my mom's basement too to

top it all off just graduated college no

clue what I was doing with my life the

worst part about it is I remember

feeling numb like I was scared I didn't

feel anything I didn't know if I felt

sad I didn't know if I felt like happy

when I was watching a comedy or

something I just nothing I was

completely numb what I did is I went to

YouTube and I typed in things that'll

make you cry 10 minutes later I was

balling my eyes out to Korean

commercials uh with subtitles and it's

all about like a dog dying and they

bring him back and they're crying and

I'm crying it's so sad literally I'm in

bed trying to make myself cry just so I

can feel something Korean commercials

will get you let me tell you I laugh

about it now but that taught me a very

important lesson after I experienced and

leaned into the sadness I actually

started to feel better when I leaned

into the negative that I was trying so

hard to avoid I noticed I actually was

able to experience more positive as well

because it's like an onoff switch if you

shut yourself off to emotions you shut

yourself off to the positive ones as

well your capacity to feel as a human

means you're alive I realized like if

you don't feel nothing you're dead

that's where you have zero feelings my

recommendation for you would be

understand that you are human that this

low moment that you're feeling means

that you're freaking alive this is it

you're in it don't numb out because

that's going to kill your life force

tune in don't suppress what you're

feeling cuz you're just going to delay

dealing with it later and you're going

to be dealing with this 5 10 years on a

therapist couch I promise you so the

solution for what you're feeling with

this past of what happened is to lean

into anything that you are feeling and

do not judge it it is welcome please

don't try to numb it and escape from it

this means you're human this is Phase 2

the now what can you do to help speed

this up a little bit huh I want to

introduce you to step number three this

is the 11 week rule in my personal

experience I found this to be true and

let me know if you believe this as well

it takes 11 weeks for the average person

to get over a breakup majority of people

doy try to stay in contact with their ex

post breakup I've learned that that is

crazy you have to forget that they even

exist it's different if you have kids

but if you don't have kids and you're

young forget they exist I know that

sounds harsh I know that sounds brutal

but no you can't be friends the reason

most people can't get over an X is

because they're one foot in one foot out

talking to them a little bit but they're

not breaking up or they see them every

other week but yeah we're not together

they're they're doing that dance I've

always loved the saying once you become

a pickle you can never go back to being

a cucumber they are dead to you okay

what you have that person you knew in

the

relationship they're dead they don't

exist you need to give yourself the

space the 11 weeks to remove and heal

and don't take this out of context like

this does not mean you have to hate them

or you have to bad mouth them or talk

smack or you can't even value memories

that you had your brain has to

essentially learn that this person does

not exist for you to fully get over them

20 years ago when people would break up

that was it like maybe they'd run into

them at the supermarket but you really

didn't see them but now it's possible

for you to break up with someone and for

them to still be in your everyday life

non-stop social media so when you're

seeing them on Instagram your brain is

essentially saying like oh that person's

still in my life your emotions are

saying ooh there's a possibility of us

getting back or let stay in touch with

them so remember once they are a pickle

they can never be a cucumber okay once

you dated them you had that emotional

connection in my personal experience I

don't think it's a good idea to be

friends I understand it's different if

there's kids obviously there's

exceptions but 90% of the time pretend

they don't exist I know it's hard to

hear that's what I what I wish I would

have heard and just make that the rule

so what do you do instead what you do is

Step number four this is practical you

need need to unfollow them on every

platform you might be following them on

the weirdest things like you shared a

myfitness pal or like your venmo

requests or something right every time

you see them it just gives a Cascade of

thoughts about your past your

relationship it's so much easier if you

just remove that stimuli this is a piece

of advice I came up with and gave years

ago to one of my metamorphic clients who

was struggling with this very thing

long-term relationship falling out

breakup and she found it really hard

because she was going through like her

phone and she couldn't help herself you

know it was just like oh there's a photo

of us and she'd spend hours during the

week looking back on Memories the advice

I gave her was delete everything off

your cloud and your phone and back it up

on a physical USB thumb drive that way

it doesn't feel too extreme that like

those memories are gone forever it's on

a USB drive so you can't access it

easily she did that piece of advice and

was amazed by how much better she felt

literally in a few days pour yourself a

glass of wine or whatever take 3 hours

and back everything up move it to a

physical hard drive that you can't

easily exess access if you don't here's

what's going to happen you're going to

literally be going into like your maps

and type in a name by accident and then

boom right there in the cloud you're

going to see a photo you're going to

ignore it and be like all right get out

of there but that little like exposure

right there that's what's going to kick

off a Cascade of thoughts and that keeps

them in your subconscious so this is no

stalking I know it's so hard cuz one

click away but block them if you have to

you having boundaries and wanting to

heal for yourself does not mean you're

an okay and does not mean you

hate them and does not mean you have to

have like some big falling out like you

can have a civil breakup and still set

these boundaries and you know stick up

for yourself in a in an emotional way

but let's give you some encouraging

advice you know we were talking about

statistics and getting over x's and

blocking them what I found really

inspiring when I was researching this

video 71% of people do not regret their

breakups no matter how painful it was

seven out of 10 people when surveyed a

year years later say you know what I'm

glad that happened and I'm sure you can

relate cuz like haven't you dated people

dude at the time I was crushed but like

looking back I'm so glad that didn't

work out we're going to help you get in

the 71% with these next two tips this is

what I tell every coach and client your

breakup is your breakthrough these

transitions in your life are when you

get the most growth I looked back on my

relationships and that split that like

hurt the first one I launched a YouTube

channel exactly what you're seeing now I

didn't know it would turn into this but

I was motiv ated I used all that like

potential energy that emotion that pain

and channeled it into something

productive the second one picked up

drums hardcore recommitted and that's

how I got in the band touring all around

the world when I talk to like

entrepreneur friends a lot of them some

of the best business growth came after

breakups they have something to prove

they feel hurt that like I'll show them

kind of energy there's memes gym memes

breakups make bodybuilders that like

people in the gym they go and they you

know they're working out their demons

why not get on a cycle of trend this is

a great sign kidding kidding like your

breakup can be your breakthrough if you

use it uh use it to create art use it to

create business use it to get a Revenge

bod they call that like getting in the

gym getting in the best shape of your

life like however you're going to use

this to better yourself this is the

positive evolution of what could come

out of a lot of pain this is what I see

for the future of you I know it's easy

to get caught up in this pain and where

we are but if you just allocate a little

time to where you're going to be trying

to have a little bit of excitement for

this future it's bright you can get

through this and you can reinvent

yourself to someone better that

successful people when you look back

time and time again it's not that they

had no challenges in their life it's not

that they just grew up with silver

spoons in their mouth and they never had

any adversity in fact a lot of adversity

is a common trait of success successful

people cuz they use it and they build on

it and a lot of the times with adversity

the kind that makes you the strongest is

the ones that you don't choose and seek

out they just happen to you and so I've

always loved the frame that you're not

being punished right now like The World

God is Not punishing you and saying okay

I'm removing this relationship from your

life like here I am just being punished

great the world's against me no you're

being prepared you're being prepared for

the next relationship that you use all

the lessons from your previous ones and

get in a better one

reimagine what a relationship could be

for you like what if this person was not

the one and the next person is going to

be 10 times better what do you want in a

future partner now if you want one more

exercise cuz you stuck around I call

this the dream future wife exercise or

husband or partner take out a sheet of

paper and write down every single thing

you want want in a partner in the future

what would make you excited to commit

and start with superficial how do they

look how do they dress what do they what

are their interests uh you know what's

their lifestyle like but then eventually

you'll get deeper and you'll say what do

I want my like Saturday with them when

we're both off to be about you know are

we watching movies great or are we going

on Hikes great are we building a

business together that's something

that's important to you great are we

going to the gym right and you'll get

really deeper what is their family

Dynamic like write down every single

thing that if they checked on the box

you'd be like so stoked about if you've

never done that that is an amazing

exercise and there's something I believe

uh like metaphysical that happens when

you get very specific on who you're

looking for and who you want to attract

and it's weird because I've given people

that exercise and I did it myself and

shortly after you know the woman I'm

dating now came into my life um

checked all the boxes down to a te like

freaky level of specificity so careful

what you put on there wish I would have

not put a few things on there like holds

me to a high standard all the time

kidding kidding so let's review we went

over this is your breakup Survival Guide

phase one do not suppress your emotions

sweat out the emotional fever don't

judge yourself welcome the feelings

Remember Your Capacity to feel is in

direct proportion of your capacity to

feel

alive remember practically here they're

dead to you go for the 11 we rule remove

them from your life as much as possible

I know that's harsh and that's hard but

you can do it you got this do not stalk

back up everything you can onto a

physical USB drive so you can't access

it or delete it if you're feeling bold

remember that most successful people had

breakups and challenges and setbacks

that those can be your breakthroughs if

you use them just like art is made from

pain your life some of the best moments

can be birthed out of the hardest wants

and ultimately this will be part of your

reinvention use it to create the 2.0

version of you write out what you would

be excited to commit to in a partner in

the future and watch how when you ask

for something God in the universe just

might bring it to you thank you so much

for being here see you the next one stop

settling start living see you