Dr Gabor Maté | Authenticity Can Heal Trauma (Part 2)

Summary

The video script explores the concept of trauma as pre-verbal experiences that shape a child's mind and manifest later in life. It discusses how early emotional memories, not just conscious recollections, can impact behavior. The speaker shares personal experiences to illustrate trauma's effects and explains how coping mechanisms like emotional suppression can become ingrained, impacting mental and physical health. Attachment and authenticity are highlighted as essential for survival and emotional well-being, with a focus on the importance of emotional development in early childhood.

Takeaways

• 😢 Trauma is not just about significant events like accidents or kidnappings; it can also stem from pre-verbal experiences such as neglect or lack of response in early childhood.
• 🌐 Trauma shapes the mind before the mind can shape the world, meaning early experiences can have a profound impact on a person's development.
• 🤕 The emotional memory of trauma is not a recollection but is embedded in the nervous system and can be triggered by similar events later in life.
• 🏊‍♂️ The speaker's personal experience of trauma involved feeling abandoned as a child, which was not the objective reality but his internal interpretation of events.
• 🚫 The term 'trauma' is often perceived negatively, but the speaker points out that it originally serves as a coping mechanism to aid survival.
• 🔒 Emotional baggage from past trauma can be 'triggered' by seemingly minor events that resonate with unresolved emotional issues.
• 💪 The body itself can carry and express the emotional impact of trauma, not just the mind.
• 🤝 Attachment is a fundamental need for humans, especially in childhood, but it can conflict with the need for self-authenticity.
• 😥 Inauthenticity, or being out of touch with one's true self, can be a survival strategy in childhood but can lead to poor mental and physical health in adulthood.
• 👶 Children learn their first moral language and form their identities before they can even speak, through the emotional interactions they experience.
• 🧠 The development of the right brain, which is emotional and holistic, is crucial for a healthy foundation; without it, intellectual development can be unbalanced.

Q & A

What does the term 'trauma' refer to in the context of the transcript?

In the transcript, 'trauma' refers to a wound, an emotional injury that persists and impacts a person's life later on. It's not just about the event itself, but the internal response to what happened.

How does the speaker describe the impact of early childhood experiences on a person's mind?

The speaker explains that early childhood experiences, even before language development, shape a person's mind. These experiences become embedded as emotional memories and can manifest later in life.

What is the significance of the Budapest trip mentioned in the transcript?

The Budapest trip is significant because it connects to a traumatic childhood memory for the speaker. It illustrates how past trauma can be revisited and felt even decades later.

What does the speaker mean when they say 'the world makes our mind'?

The speaker suggests that our early experiences shape our perception and understanding of the world. Before we can actively interpret the world, it influences and forms our mental framework.

How does the speaker relate the concept of trauma to feelings of being unwanted and unlovable?

The speaker connects trauma to the internalized feelings that arise from early experiences of abandonment or neglect, such as feeling unwanted or unlovable, which can be deeply ingrained and trigger responses later in life.

What is the role of the body in storing and expressing trauma according to the transcript?

The transcript suggests that the body, including the muscles and connective tissues, acts as a vessel that stores emotional memories of trauma. These can be triggered by physical sensations or experiences that resemble the original trauma.

Why does the speaker argue that the emotional baggage we carry can be triggered by seemingly small things?

The speaker explains that what appears to be a small trigger can set off a much larger emotional response because it activates the 'explosive charge' of emotional baggage that has been stored within us.

What is the role of authenticity in the speaker's discussion of trauma and coping mechanisms?

Authenticity is crucial as it relates to being in touch with one's own feelings and emotions. Suppressing authenticity for the sake of attachment can lead to inauthentic living, which the speaker links to negative health outcomes.

How does the speaker define 'attachment' and why is it important?

Attachment is defined as the need to belong and be cared for, particularly in childhood. It's essential for survival and forms the basis for all future relationships.

What does the speaker suggest is the cost of inauthenticity in terms of physical and mental health?

The speaker implies that inauthenticity, or being out of touch with one's true self, can lead to significant physical and mental health issues, including a higher likelihood of premature death.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of the emotional development of children before they can speak?

The speaker emphasizes that children learn their first moral language and emotional lessons before they can speak. This early emotional development lays the foundation for all future intellectual and emotional growth.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 Early Trauma and Its Impact on the Developing Mind

The speaker discusses the concept of trauma, emphasizing that it's not just about significant events like accidents or kidnappings, but also about the subtle neglect that can occur in early childhood, such as not being fed or responded to appropriately. They explain that these early experiences shape the child's mind and can later manifest as trauma. The speaker uses their own experience of being given to a stranger as an infant and nearly dying to illustrate how the interpretation of such events by the child can lead to a sense of being unlovable or unwanted, which can persist as emotional memory in the nervous system and affect behavior decades later.

05:01

🏥 The Body's Role in Trauma and Emotional Memory

The discussion continues with the idea that trauma is not just a mental construct but is physically embedded in the body, influencing muscle and connective tissues. The speaker explains that emotional responses to certain triggers are not just reactions to current events but are rooted in past emotional baggage. They argue that behaviors often diagnosed as disorders, such as personality disorders, initially serve as coping mechanisms for survival during childhood. The speaker also touches on the concept of authenticity versus attachment, suggesting that the need for attachment can sometimes override the need for self-authenticity, leading to inauthentic living and potential health implications.

10:02

👶 The Importance of Early Emotional Development

The speaker highlights the critical nature of early emotional development in children, stating that children learn their first moral language and form their identities before they can even speak. They argue that emotional development precedes intellectual development and is essential for a well-rounded individual. The speaker also discusses the concept of 'gut feelings' as a form of survival instinct that is essential for authenticity and well-being. They suggest that the suppression of these gut feelings in favor of fitting in with family or cultural expectations can lead to long-term physical and mental health issues.

15:04

🧠💓 The Interconnectedness of Brain, Heart, and Gut

In this section, the speaker explores the idea that there are multiple 'brains' in the human body, including the brain in the head, the heart, and the gut, each processing stimuli and contributing to wisdom when in sync. They emphasize that the gut, often referred to as the second brain, plays a crucial role in emotional processing and decision-making. The speaker argues that a disconnect between these 'brains' can lead to a lack of wisdom, even in the presence of advanced logic and technology. They suggest that true wisdom comes from a holistic integration of emotional, intellectual, and gut instincts.

Keywords

💡Trauma

Trauma, in the context of the video, refers to emotional wounds that result from distressing events or experiences. The video emphasizes that trauma isn't just about significant events like accidents or kidnappings, but also minor, repeated incidents such as a child not being fed or responded to adequately. These early experiences can become embedded in a child's psyche and manifest later in life. The example given is the speaker's own experience of being given to a stranger, which led to a sense of abandonment and feelings of not being wanted or lovable.

💡Pre-verbal

Pre-verbal trauma is trauma that occurs before a child has developed the ability to speak and thus articulate their experiences. The video discusses how such trauma can still have profound effects because it gets embedded in the child's nervous system as emotional memory. This concept is crucial as it explains why early childhood experiences can have lasting impacts on a person's mental health.

💡Emotional Memory

Emotional memory is the mental storage of the feelings and sensations associated with an event, rather than the factual details. The video explains how trauma can be stored as emotional memory in the nervous system, even if the individual cannot consciously recall the event. This is illustrated by the speaker's discussion of not being able to remember the incident of being given to a stranger but feeling the emotional impact of it.

💡Trigger

A trigger is a stimulus that evokes a strong emotional response, often related to past trauma. The video discusses how triggers don't cause the emotional response on their own; instead, they set off an 'explosive charge' of emotional baggage that has been stored from past experiences. The speaker uses the term 'triggered' to explain how past traumas can influence reactions to current events.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity refers to being true to one's own personality, feelings, and beliefs. The video talks about the conflict between the need for attachment (to belong and be cared for) and the need for authenticity. The speaker explains how, in order to survive, children might suppress their authenticity for the sake of attachment, leading to inauthentic living and potential mental health issues.

💡Attachment

Attachment in the video is defined as the strong emotional bond between a child and their caregiver, which is crucial for survival. The speaker discusses how mammals, including humans, are creatures of attachment and cannot survive without it. However, the video also highlights the potential downsides of attachment when it comes at the cost of authenticity.

💡Coping Mechanism

A coping mechanism is a strategy an individual uses to manage or reduce stress. The video uses the example of depression as a coping mechanism that originally served to suppress unacceptable emotions for survival but later becomes a pathological condition. It illustrates how behaviors that were once adaptive can become maladaptive over time.

💡Survival Technique

Survival techniques are actions taken to ensure one's well-being and existence. The video explains how behaviors such as suppressing emotions or not trusting others can be survival techniques in childhood but have negative consequences later in life. The speaker points out that these techniques are retained because they were once necessary for survival.

💡Gut Feelings

Gut feelings are intuitive sensations that are believed to originate in the body, particularly the stomach area. The video emphasizes the importance of gut feelings for survival, as they are a form of knowledge that the body processes from environmental stimuli. The speaker contrasts the disregard for gut feelings in modern society with the importance of these feelings in nature and early human history.

💡Moral Language

Moral language, as discussed in the video, refers to the principles and values that guide behavior. The speaker argues that children learn their first moral language not through verbal teaching but through the actions and responses of their caregivers. This early moral education shapes the child's development and understanding of right and wrong.

💡Holistic

Holistic refers to an approach that considers the whole system, rather than just individual parts. The video uses the term to describe the emotional part of the brain, which develops first and provides a template for the rest of the brain's development. The speaker warns that neglecting the holistic development of the right brain can lead to an overemphasis on the left brain's intellectual capabilities at the expense of emotional well-being.

Highlights

Trauma is defined as a wound that persists and impacts life later on.

Trauma isn't just about significant events; it can also stem from neglect in early childhood.

The world shapes our minds before we can shape it ourselves.

Early experiences can be classified as traumas that manifest later in life.

Trauma is not just what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result.

The author's personal story of trauma involving being given to a stranger as a child.

Trauma is the emotional memory of being hurt, abandoned, and not wanted.

Trauma gets embedded in the nervous system as emotional memory, not as recollection.

Triggers are small things that set off the emotional baggage we carry.

Trauma is not just a negative; it can also be a coping mechanism for survival.

Personality disorders can be seen as maladaptive coping mechanisms that were once necessary for survival.

Depression can be a survival technique where emotions are suppressed due to danger or unacceptability.

Attachment is a powerful dynamic in relationships and is essential for survival.

Authenticity is being in touch with oneself, feelings, and emotions.

The conflict between the need for attachment and the need for authenticity.

Inauthenticity can lead to physical and mental health issues and strained relationships.

Children learn their first moral language and form their identities before they can speak.

The emotional part of the brain develops first and is the template for everything else.

The left brain can be very developed, but without a healthy emotional foundation, it can lead to problems.

The gut is referred to as the second brain and processes stimuli from the environment.

True wisdom comes when the brain, heart, and gut are in sync.

Transcripts

foreign

[Music]

[Music]

to you I think you say at some point

that all trauma is pre-verbal and a

trauma is something that you you're

quite careful in the book to say look it

doesn't mean that you were you were run

over or you were kidnapped that it's

things like not being fed as a small

child and not being responded to yeah

yes

um

and you then take that idea of trauma

being something that can happen to a

very young child and you say before our

minds can make the world that you know

we make the world that we then live in

he says but before that happens the

world makes our mind yes

and it's

those early experiences for you are

those the things then that you could

classify as traumas that they they

become embedded in the child and

manifest them later in life for

something

how does that happen how does it get

does it get embedded yeah well first of

all what sort of things are they and

then why do they get invested drama

basically means a wound so traum is when

you're wounded and that one persists and

and has impact in your life later on so

tomorrow this is important to

distinguish trauma is not what happens

to you

tell us what happens inside you as a

result of what happens to you so

I I just came back from Budapest I was

there for representing this book on

Hungarian and uh

this is

I don't know who designs this but I once

you know one of the things that I have

to do every day is Slim you don't want

to talk to me if I haven't swung you

know and I swam this morning already

it's okay

[Music]

so in Budapest I was staying in a hotel

and around the corner there's a swim

club

where I go swimming every morning

across the street directly across the

street as far from us as say the second

row here

is the building where my mother and I

lived when I was 11 months old and I

nearly died there and she gave me to a

stranger in the street on the same

paving stones that are still there

and so I didn't see her for five or six

weeks a lot of people know the story the

trauma wasn't that she gave me to a

stranger the trauma is what I made it

mean that any child what can the child

make it mean except that I'm being

abandoned and who gets abandoned

somebody who's not lovable

somebody who's not wanted so the trauma

then is my sense of not being wanted and

not being lovable

[Music]

not being considered important enough

and not that trauma plays itself out in

for decades afterwards so it's not what

happened to me as such

because when you look at it objectively

what happened to me as such was that my

mother gave me to a stranger and the

stranger took me

those are both huge acts of Love

Actually that's the universe loving this

child to take care of it

but that doesn't matter it's how what I

make it mean so the wound is then what

happens within us

that gets embedded in a nervous system

as me as emotional memory not as

recollection I don't recall being given

to a stranger about my mother because

the parts of the brain that recall

aren't even online at that age yet it

doesn't come online until years later

but the emotional memory of being hurt

and being abandoned and not being wanted

that's embedded in the nervous system

and then it then it gets triggered

whenever anything even vaguely

resembling it later on decades later

shows up in fact if you look at the

expression being triggered it's a really

interesting expression but these days

we're you know trigger warning you know

don't you triggered me well here's the

thing what can be triggered

for the trigger to do anything it took

is a very small little thing for a

trigger to have any impact whatsoever

there has to be an ammunition there it

has to be explosive charge

so when I get triggered it's not because

somebody did something it's because what

they did

happen to set up the explosive charge

the emotional

baggage that I'm carrying so if I carry

the emotional baggage of

somebody who doesn't have a sense of

being wanted and being important

anything later on that reminds me of

that will trigger me and drive my

behavior so that's how the throne works

it's embedded in the nervous system in

the brain in a form of emotional

subverbal memory

Nothing by the way I'm sorry to say one

more thing it's also better than the

body so many of you will have had the

experience

or if you're a body worker like a

massage therapist inside you go to

massage therapists they touch you in a

certain part of the body and all of a

sudden you're overwhelmed by emotion

we've had that experience so that's the

body as vessel says vessels under cloak

the body keeps the score so the term is

embedded also in the in the muscles and

in the connective tissues and the nerves

you also in the book you make the point

that this word trauma it's difficult to

hear it in any way other than negative

but the point that you make in the book

is that these the thing the story you

tell yourself or that your body takes in

is meant to help you at the time

and is that why it gets it that it gets

retained that in its original form it's

doing something positive it's later

becomes that's a good point tell us more

about that please absolutely so um

let's take somebody with a diagnosis of

Personality Disorder you know borderline

personal disorder one of these diagnoses

that don't explain anything they might

describe something but they don't just

they don't explain anything you know

so one of the characteristics is that

they don't trust people

it's just hard for them to form

relationships

and they're very easily feel a hurt in a

relationship

well that's a perfectly normal defensive

response to a childhood when you were

hurt a lot

you shouldn't trust I mean why would you

want to trust how could you trust if you

were always having a sense of being

disappointed and even being betrayed so

that what's called to be a pathological

manifestation actually begins as a

coping mechanism

and it's associated with your survival

or

um

depression you know this disease of

depression well really

what does it mean to depress something

it means to push it down no look it's

pushed on in depression his emotions

but why would somebody push down their

emotions only because it was dangerous

for them to express it or unacceptable

for them to express it in other words

they listen to a lot of parenting

experts who tell people to

tram you know to to to

suppress children's emotions if if the

emotions aren't acceptable to the fans

then a child in order to survive will

suppress their emotions will depress

them that's a survival technique

associated with

being accepted and then being part of

the family which is something the child

cannot do without

so once you associate something with

survival you're going to keep doing it

especially since it's unconscious it's

not like you chose to do it it's just

that you know this is how your organisms

survived by depressing your emotions now

you're going to keep doing that in fact

you'd be afraid not to

later on you're diagnosed with this

disease but it begins as a coping

mechanism and there's so many others of

these coffee mechanisms that are

associated with

survival and therefore we don't give

them up because if we if something if

our survival depends on being a certain

way if that's what we learned we're not

going to give it up that easily

especially as you point out children

have very few options yeah the the ones

that are built into us as mammals it's

fight flight or freeze well if you're if

you're a baby you can't fight yeah and

you Fade to run away so it doesn't leave

you with much does it except as you say

just to freeze and

yeah and it's that need for attachment

this is a word that you deal with a lot

tell us about attachment so this is a

conflict uh it's probably Central to my

work

um

in in all manner of conditions

and and also in all kinds of situations

it's a very powerful dynamic in adult

relationships for example

is the the child

um has an absolute need to belong to the

parents and to be cared for by the

parents that drive to be close to

somebody in order to be taken care of or

to take care of the other for that

matter is called attachment and mammals

are creatures of attachment they can't

survive without attachment without the

caring relationship obviously Leon

cannot survive

so attachment that's fine but then we

have this other need that

um

that's also determined by Evolution

which is I call authenticity and just

out all the self-authenticity

being in touch with ourselves being in

touch with their feelings and our bodies

and our emotions

um I know last time I spoke here I think

I asked the same question but let me do

it again

um I think I did if you've had the

experience of having a strong gut

feeling about something and ignoring it

and then being sorry afterwards just

raise your hand okay

what you're telling me here is about

your childhood

because

gut feelings are essential for survival

we evolved artery in nature for millions

of years

the human audience the humanoid

ancestors of our species lived out their

nature as did our own species live out

in nature for most of our existence as a

species like out of the 150 200 000

years that homo sapiens has walked the

Earth

if that can be represented in one hour

then until about five minutes ago we

lived out there in nature how long does

any creature in nature survive if

they're not in touch with their gut

feelings

so that being in touch with our bodies

and and our emotions is essential also

terrific but what happens is if for the

sake of fitting with the family or with

the culture that doesn't particularly

support our authenticity we have to give

up our connection to ourselves our

authenticity

for the sake of attachment

then being inauthentic being out of

touch with ourselves

is how we survive we're afraid to be

ourselves because we associate being

ourselves with a threat of being

rejected

and so this means that for the rest of

our lives we're going to be in

relationships where we're Faith to be

ourselves to really say what it feels

like for us now that has terrific

implications when I say terrific I mean

significant implications

a study I quote in the book they

followed 2 000 women over 10 years

over a 10-year period those women are

unhappily married and didn't Express

their feelings we're four times as

likely to die as those women are unhappy

married but they did talk about their

things

so so that inauthenticity

which is not a moral not a moral

Judgment of my part it's a

something people do in order to survive

the childhoods but that exacts a major

cost in terms of physical and mental

health not to mention your relationships

um where you're afraid to be yourself

where you're in a relationship and you

don't even

you're they don't even your partner

doesn't even know you

because you're afraid to be yourself so

you feel alone even when you're

partnered because if you're not known

you're going to feel alone it doesn't

matter how many people surround you

so you know the the price that we pay

for an authenticity is huge and yet so

many of us survived our childhood and

when you put your hand up I mean have

you ever met a one day old baby that

wasn't in touch with that gut feeling

oh

I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm

uncomfortable and I'm wet but Mom and

Dad are working so hard I better not

cry I better not cry you know come on

you know in other words when you put

your hand up something happened between

the day you were born

and a few years later

when you no longer listen to your gut

feelings because you couldn't afford to

something happened

one of the things which come across very

strongly especially in the early part of

the book is that we tend to think that

children learn things when we teach them

when they get to school or when we can

have a conversation with them and very

strongly in the book what comes across

is that children become who they are and

learn their first their first moral

language as it were before any of that

in other words if you think to yourself

I shall wait until the child can speak

and then I'll teach them it's too late

they've already learned everything

from what you did or didn't do yeah

that's right so the the the

um and as a parent

because I was quite out of touch with

myself and based on my own history

I was never comfortable playing playing

with kids I kept thinking well once they

learn language because I'm good at words

you see so I thought once they learn

language they're not able to

but I missed the whole point is that the

real development happens before words

even come along the the emotional part

of the brain the the holistic

you might say more feminine although

it's not gender determined at all

holistic

emotional part of the brain the right

side of the brain

both in terms of the evolution of the

species but also in terms of the

development of the individual the right

side of the brain the emotional brain

develops first

and it's the template for everything if

we get the rights out of the brain right

the left brain will follow very nicely

if we don't get the right side of the

brain if we don't establish the

emotional relationships which children

require for healthy development then

they might become very intellectually

developed on the left brain side but

they'll be very underdeveloped there

won't be a proper template for it and

then they're going to be professors and

all that kind of stuff you know

or philosophers I don't know

or medical doctors for them

so that in this culture the um the left

brain really rules

but the left brain

um

divorced from a healthy emotional

underpinning where does it get us

it gets us to where we are which is

we're the only species

but the only species that creates

environments that are destructive to its

own species

that's what we look that's what the left

brain has gone as because the right

brain is underdeveloped

and they and they can't speak

you can't

in some way you don't have verbal access

to the lessons that first language you

learned before by the time you were six

months old so

how does that part of us

to us when we won't listen

it speaks to us through our um see

here's the thing that's here's the other

thing we think that we have this one

brain up here

and what's a brain a brain interprets

stimuli from the environment processes

them and responds that's that's what a

brain does

so yeah we have the cerebrum up here

but there's also it turns out there's a

brain connected to the heart there's a

nervous system

that surrounds the heart

which is in communication with this

brain here and of course the gut has

been called the second brain the gut is

more some more neurochemicals than the

brain does in some ways

and gut feelings are not

um

luxuries as we've demonstrated they're

actually a form of knowledge

so the gut is processing

stimuli from the environment

when these three brains are in sync with

each other then you have true wisdom

then you have through awareness when

this one is unmoored from the other two

you can have all kinds of logic and all

kinds of Science and all kinds of

Technology but you're not going to have

wisdom