How to Love Someone that is Hard to Love
Summary
TLDRIn this video, Father Mike Schmitz addresses how to love difficult people, emphasizing that while it's easy to love those who recharge us, true love is tested with those who drain us. He explains three key points: first, acknowledge some people are harder to love; second, we can only give love if we first receive love from God; and third, love is a one-way street, where we will the good of others without expecting anything in return. He also highlights the importance of setting boundaries while showing love, as we're not called to be doormats.
Takeaways
- 😀 Father Mike Schmitz acknowledges that some people think he speaks too quickly, and he tries to slow down for this video.
- 🙂 There are people who are easy to love and people who are difficult to love, and loving the easy ones doesn't make us virtuous.
- 🙃 Jesus teaches us to love not just those who love us but also those who are difficult, including enemies.
- 😌 Loving difficult people doesn’t necessarily mean they are our enemies, but they could just annoy us or get under our skin.
- 🙄 To love others, we must first receive love from God—'We love because God first loved us.'
- 😊 St. Bakhita experienced God's love in a transformative way, which enabled her to love even those who hurt her.
- 💡 Love is a one-way street, meaning we love others without expecting anything in return. Relationships are two-way streets, but love itself is not.
- 🤔 Loving difficult people might not result in a reciprocal relationship, but it involves willing the good for the other person.
- 😇 Setting boundaries is important, as loving others doesn't mean becoming a doormat; wisdom and boundaries are necessary.
- 🙏 The love we give flows from God's love for us, and we are called to extend this love to others, regardless of how they treat us.
Q & A
What does Father Mike Schmitz mean by 'love is a one-way street'?
-Father Mike explains that love is a one-way street because it involves willing the good of the other person, regardless of whether they love you back. He contrasts this with relationships, which are two-way streets requiring mutual give-and-take.
Why does Father Mike say it’s important to distinguish between people who are easy to love and those who are difficult?
-Father Mike emphasizes the importance of recognizing that loving people who are easy to love doesn't make us more virtuous. The real challenge and test of love, as taught by Jesus, is loving those who are difficult to love, including enemies and those who frustrate us.
How does Father Mike suggest we handle people who drain our 'love battery'?
-He suggests that it’s helpful to recognize when someone drains our energy or love but also reminds us that this is where true love is tested. We should strive to love these people despite the difficulty and maintain healthy boundaries.
What role does God’s love play in our ability to love others, according to Father Mike?
-Father Mike stresses that we can only love others because God first loved us. To truly love difficult people, we must first receive and understand the unconditional love of God through Jesus.
What lesson can we learn from Saint Bakhita’s life regarding love?
-Saint Bakhita experienced extreme hardship but was able to love her enemies because she understood she was 'definitively loved' by Jesus. Her deep understanding of God's love allowed her to forgive and love those who had hurt her.
Why does Father Mike caution against being a 'doormat' when loving difficult people?
-Father Mike explains that while we are called to love others, we are also called to be wise and set boundaries. Loving someone doesn’t mean letting them walk all over us; it’s about willing their good without allowing them to harm us.
How does Father Mike define love in this context?
-Father Mike uses Saint Thomas Aquinas's definition of love, which is 'willing the good of the other.' This kind of love does not require reciprocity or good feelings; it’s about choosing to act for the benefit of another.
What practical advice does Father Mike give for loving difficult people?
-Father Mike advises us to first acknowledge who is difficult to love, recognize that we cannot give what we don't have (we must first receive love from God), and establish clear boundaries while choosing to will the good of the other person.
How does Father Mike relate Jesus’s teachings to loving difficult people?
-Father Mike refers to Jesus’s teachings, which emphasize that loving only those who love you is not a true test of discipleship. To be a follower of Jesus, one must love even their enemies and those who are hard to love.
How does Father Mike suggest balancing love and boundaries?
-Father Mike suggests that while we are called to love others as Jesus loves us, it’s important to be wise and set boundaries. These boundaries allow us to love difficult people without being mistreated or drained in an unhealthy way.
Outlines
🎤 Slowing Down and Speaking Clearly
Father Mike Schmitz humorously addresses feedback that he speaks too quickly, making an effort to slow down in this video. He jokes about starting over, introducing himself again, and highlighting that some people find his speech pace too fast.
❤️ Loving Those Who Are Hard to Love
Father Mike dives into the main topic: how to love difficult people. He explains that everyone has people in their lives who are easy to love, as they energize and 'recharge' us. On the other hand, there are people who drain us emotionally. Recognizing this dynamic helps us understand the real challenge of love—loving those who are hard to love. He emphasizes that being a disciple of Jesus means loving even those who irritate or frustrate us, not just those who love us back.
🔋 The Love Battery: Knowing Who Drains or Fills You
Father Mike continues discussing the concept of a 'love battery,' explaining that some people fill us up with love while others drain our emotional energy. It’s important to identify these people, but not to label them. He reflects on how loving people who are easy to love doesn’t make someone virtuous, and the real test of love lies in loving those who are difficult, just as Jesus calls His followers to do.
📖 Biblical Love: Being Loved First
Referencing Scripture, Father Mike emphasizes that we cannot give what we do not have, meaning we must first receive love to give love. He cites Saint John’s teaching that we love because God first loved us. He also introduces Saint Bakhita’s story, explaining how she was able to love those who hurt and tortured her because she recognized that she was 'definitively loved' by God. This profound understanding empowered her to love even her enemies.
🛤️ Love is a One-Way Street
Father Mike shares a lesson from his friend Nick, who argues that 'love is a one-way street.' He clarifies that while relationships are two-way streets, love itself is about willing the good of the other without expecting anything in return. Love doesn’t require reciprocity to be true; it’s about choosing the good of the other person. Healthy relationships involve mutual love, but when loving difficult people, we might not receive love back, and that’s okay.
🛡️ Boundaries in Loving Difficult People
Father Mike stresses the importance of boundaries when loving difficult people. While love is a one-way street, Christians are not called to be doormats. We can love someone while maintaining boundaries, ensuring we protect ourselves from unhealthy relationships. Boundaries allow us to love without being taken advantage of, ensuring that our love remains genuine but wise. He highlights the balance between loving as Christ loves and setting boundaries that preserve our well-being.
🌟 The Call to Love Like Christ
Father Mike concludes by reiterating that Christians are called to love as Jesus loved. This means loving both easy and difficult people, but with wisdom and clear boundaries. Love is not about waiting for others to reciprocate; it's about acting from the love we’ve received from God. Father Mike encourages everyone to embrace this challenging but rewarding call to be love in the world, reminding them that they can do it because they are deeply and definitively loved by God.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Love
💡Difficult People
💡Love Battery
💡Boundaries
💡One-Way Street
💡Receiving Love
💡Virtuous Love
💡Willing the Good of the Other
💡St. Bakhita
💡Christian Discipleship
Highlights
Father Mike Schmitz humorously acknowledges that people think he talks too fast and attempts to slow down his speech.
Father Mike points out that everyone has people in their lives who are easy to love and those who drain their 'love battery.'
He emphasizes that loving easy people doesn't make someone a more virtuous person; the true test is loving those who are difficult to love.
Jesus teaches that loving enemies and those who are hard to love is the true mark of discipleship.
People who are difficult to love don’t have to be enemies; they can just be annoying or abrasive individuals.
Acknowledging that some people are easy to love and others are difficult is the first step to understanding how to love them.
Father Mike stresses that one cannot give love without first receiving it, citing the Scripture 'we love because God first loved us.'
He shares the story of Saint Bakhita, who was able to love even those who tortured her because she understood she was 'definitively loved' by God.
Saint Bakhita’s experience of being 'definitively loved' gave her the strength to love her enemies despite her circumstances.
Father Mike explains that love is a 'one-way street,' meaning it’s about willing the good of another without expecting anything in return.
Relationships, unlike love, are two-way streets, but love itself is a selfless act of giving, even if the other person doesn’t reciprocate.
When dealing with difficult people, it’s important to maintain boundaries; loving someone doesn’t mean being a doormat.
He highlights that loving difficult people may involve making personal sacrifices, but it doesn’t require eliminating boundaries.
Boundaries are essential, even when loving others, as Christians are called to be 'wise as serpents,' not foolish.
Loving others is about channeling God’s love through us, making intentional choices to seek their good without expecting something in return.
Transcripts
hi my name is father mike schmitz and
this is ascension presents i'm trying to
slow it down for this video i don't know
why but you know what people they write
in all the time and they say father you
speak way too quickly
so i want to do my best
welcome to ascension presents
my name is father mike schmitz
would you like me to speak this more
this much more quiet
should i use words of english i'm
starting over again i can't do it hi my
name is father mike schmitz and this is
ascension presents so
how do you love someone who's difficult
to love
great question camper thank you very
much father
how do you love someone who's difficult
to love every one of us
have people in our lives that are easy
to love
they are like when it comes to our
batteries like our love battery whatever
that is our love battery when it comes
to our love battery they they fill us up
right they charge us up and there's some
people in our lives that when it comes
to our love battery they they use the
battery they drain the battery and um
and uh
that's just the fact so the first is
first thing is i think it's helpful to
know what's going on
i think it's helpful to be able to
identify at times and not put labels on
people but to simply say okay i see
what's happening this person is easy to
be around this person is easy to love
that doesn't make me a virtuous a
generous person that doesn't make me a
more loving person although we can
sometimes deceive ourselves into
thinking that because we love people who
are easy to love that we're really
really good lovers like false it just
means they're easy to love the challenge
of course or the test i guess is
the people who are difficult to love in
fact jesus
points
to this and says this is the test of
love
not to just love people who love you
that's even sinners do the same but to
be a disciple of jesus is to love those
who are most difficult to love to love
the people who are our enemies to love
the people who hate us
not only that how about this to love the
people who are difficult
to love the people who are annoying to
love the people who um just kind of get
under our skin don't they don't even
have to be enemies
they just have to be
abrasive or just have to be how we
wouldn't want them to be right
first thing to note as i said
there are people who are easy to love
okay
i know who they are and they're people
who are difficult to love
i know who they are not to put labels on
people as i said already just say it
again
but so that i know
i'm not a great lover if i love people
are easy
and i'm called to love those people who
are difficult so number one second thing
i cannot give what i don't have
in order to be able to love i must first
be loved
in fact that's again let's go back to
the lord jesus in john's uh letter
letter of saint john he says we love
only because god first loved us
so saint vaquita if you know anything
about saint bakita uh she was this
incredible woman uh who was a woman who
was kidnapped from her family in africa
she became a slave she was beaten
horribly
at one point there's an italian family
that purchased her and it ultimately
gave her freedom in the course of that
whole process of a really difficult life
simply keita encountered jesus she
encountered religious sisters she became
a religious sister in italy and she
ultimately became saint paketa
she um
has this quote the quote is
i have been definitively loved
therefore no matter what happens to me
i will always be definitively loved she
had encountered the love of jesus in
such a real way such a profound way
that she knows i'm not just loved i'm
definitively loved
which means that no matter the changing
circumstances no matter the changing
seasons no matter
even my own failure
i will always be definitively loved
absolutely loved
because of that she was able to love
those who had hurt her because of that
she was able to love those who had
tortured her she was able to love her
actual enemies
because why because
the only way we know love is because we
were first loved the only way we can be
love is because we have been loved
so
number one acknowledge some people easy
to love some people difficult to love
number two
i cannot give what i don't have
i have to receive the love
of the father
in the son jesus christ by the power of
the holy spirit
the third thing
and this is uh
i think is really helpful and important
um we have to realize that love is a
one-way street so my my friend nick he
always says that he always says love is
a one-way street because we always hear
that the reality the claim love is a
two-way street he says no no
relationships are two-way streets
but love is a one-way street and he goes
on to explain
because you might take it back here and
say wait a second so you're just a
doormat you just give give give and
never receive anything nope a
relationship especially a healthy
relationship is one where there's give
giving and receiving but love is a
one-way street
why because same time aquinas he had
said it like this he had defined love as
love as willing the good of the other
see notice that in that definition it
has nothing he says nothing about the
other loving you back
it just says that love is willing the
good of the other it's choosing the good
of the other person so therefore love is
a one-way street i love not expecting
anything back but also i realize this
might not be a relationship this might
not be even be a healthy or good
relationship because relationships are
two-way streets where love is offered
it's received and it's reciprocated
but loving difficult people
often means that this is not a healthy
relationship it often means that this is
not a reciprocal or a two-way street
relationship it might just be the case
where i unders i know the score and the
score is
i will will your good
and you might not will mine
it doesn't involve uh necessarily good
feelings
it doesn't involve uh also doesn't
involve
not having any boundaries we need to
have boundaries
it doesn't involve waiting for someone
to love us back
it doesn't involve them changing
and acting how we want them to
it simply involves our making the
decision
to will the good of the other to choose
the good of the other
i think with those three steps those
three things one there's some people
easy some people difficult to love okay
identify the difficult people to love
number two i cannot give what i don't
have so i have to first be loved in
order to be love
and third love is a one-way street
meaning
all that
the world all that the lord is waiting
for is for me to in my own way
the way that i can not the way i can't
to choose the good of the other person
sometimes that might mean making time
for them
sometimes it might mean tolerating an
annoying conversation sometimes it might
mean
any number of things
sometimes it might be making great
personal sacrifices for their good not
just because they want it but for their
good
it also involves as i said before
establishing boundaries
because we're not called to be foolish
we're called to be as wise as serpents
jesus says
which means that
if i know i'm approaching someone who's
difficult to love someone who does not
reciprocate love someone who actually
might be an unhealthy relationship
i'm going to have some real and real
clear boundaries on this
yes i'm here to will your good
but i'm not here to be your doormat
yes i am here to give you show you the
love that jesus has shown to me
but i am not willing um to be trodden
upon
there are boundaries that are
establishing you as a christian get to
establish boundaries you get to as a
christian get to maintain those
boundaries and as a christian you get to
remind people those who are easy to love
and those who are difficult to love you
get to remind them of the fact that
there are boundaries
that yes
as i've been loved we're called to be
love and yes love is a one-way street
that one way
goes from the lord through us to them
typically choose their good
and they are loved does that make sense
it's sometimes complicated sometimes
really difficult
but every one of us can do it because
you have been loved now
we get the chance to go be love prolly
here at ascension presents my name is
father mike
god bless
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