Men Fall In Love With You When You Inflict Pain

Summary

The video discusses the emotional dynamics of love, emphasizing that people often fall in love when they experience pain or insecurity, rather than during moments of joy. The speaker argues that love is an emotional, not rational, process, driven by the interplay of pain and pleasure. The script suggests that causing minor emotional discomfort can deepen love, as it leads to a greater sense of connection and respect. It also references historical figures like Napoleon to illustrate the power of balancing kindness with emotional distance in relationships.

Takeaways

• 💔 Falling in love is often realized through emotional pain and lack rather than in states of happiness or ecstasy.
• 🤯 Pain helps people realize their attachment to someone, often revealing love through internal conflict and doubt.
• 🧠 Love is an emotional experience, not a rational one, and efforts to logically convince someone of compatibility usually fail.
• 🔥 Pain and pleasure are key tools for deep emotional bonding, as they activate strong feelings of attachment.
• 😨 Niceness often stems from insecurity, limiting people's ability to create deeper emotional connections.
• 💥 Inflicting controlled pain (emotionally) can heighten someone's feelings and deepen a relationship, but it must be balanced and not sadistic.
• ⚔️ Napoleon's strategy involved leading by example and balancing kindness with rare punishment to command respect.
• 🤔 People respect those who impose emotional highs and lows, as it creates a dynamic that keeps them engaged and invested.
• 💡 Doubt and emotional vulnerability break down defenses, making someone more open to falling in love or creating deeper connections.
• ⚖️ The balance of pain and pleasure helps build a self-image in relationships, and although powerful, it should not be used to manipulate or traumatize others.

Q & A

What is the primary way people realize they are in love, according to the speaker?

The speaker suggests that people realize they are in love not when they are in a state of ecstasy, but when they feel a lack or pain in their hearts. This emotional pain makes them aware of what they value and leads them to understand that they love someone.

How does the speaker describe the role of pain in love?

The speaker claims that normal, non-traumatic pain, like stress from work or doubt, can divide a person internally. This division helps them realize they are in love, as pain creates an emotional awareness of their feelings.

Why does the speaker argue that love is not a rational decision?

Love, according to the speaker, is a deeply emotional experience. While many people attempt to analyze compatibility logically, the speaker argues that love is driven by emotions, particularly through pain and pleasure, rather than rational decisions.

What is the relationship between niceness and insecurity in love, as explained by the speaker?

The speaker suggests that being overly nice in relationships often stems from insecurity and fear of losing the partner. This type of niceness is self-absorbed and not calibrated to the other person’s actions, limiting the emotional depth of the relationship.

How does the speaker advise dealing with the limits imposed by being overly nice in relationships?

The speaker advises pushing beyond the limits of being overly nice by being willing to inflict small amounts of pain or discomfort. This creates a deeper emotional experience and prevents insecurity from dominating the relationship.

What is the 'Napoleonic method' and how does it apply to relationships?

The 'Napoleonic method' refers to building bonds through a mix of harshness and kindness. Napoleon led by example, creating respect and loyalty through sacrifice. In relationships, the speaker suggests using this method by balancing warmth with emotional distance to maintain respect.

Why does the speaker believe pain is necessary for emotional connection?

The speaker believes that pain creates emotional highs and lows that deepen the connection between people. Inflicting pain (within limits) helps calibrate emotions, leading to stronger, more meaningful bonds as long as it is done carefully and not abusively.

How does the speaker view the process of breaking and rebuilding someone emotionally in a relationship?

The speaker explains that emotional division, often caused by pain or doubt, weakens a person and makes them more vulnerable. Once this happens, the partner can help rebuild the person’s self-image, which deepens the bond between them.

What is the speaker's stance on using emotional manipulation in relationships?

While the speaker acknowledges that the tactics described—such as creating doubt or internal division—can seem manipulative, they argue that this process mirrors natural dynamics in relationships. They advise using these strategies responsibly to enhance emotional connections, not to cause harm.

What does the speaker mean by saying people crave pain and why should this not be seen as abusive?

The speaker argues that people crave emotional experiences, including pain, because it makes them feel alive. As long as the pain isn’t extreme or sadistic, it can enhance the emotional highs in a relationship, leading to deeper connections and more fulfilling experiences.

Outlines

00:00

💔 Falling in Love Through Pain

The first paragraph explores how love is often realized not during moments of ecstasy but through feelings of lack and emotional pain. It suggests that people become aware of their love when they experience discomfort or insecurity, which makes them reflect on their emotional connections. This reflection, especially during times of hardship, leads individuals to rely on their partner as a source of self-esteem. The paragraph also highlights that love is an emotional, rather than rational, experience, and that it often emerges through a combination of pain and pleasure rather than compatibility alone.

05:02

⚔️ The Napoleonic Method: Leadership Through Pain and Reward

The second paragraph introduces 'The Napoleonic Method,' a leadership strategy involving a balance between harshness and kindness, as demonstrated by Napoleon Bonaparte. By putting himself at risk and showing dedication, Napoleon earned the respect of his troops. He then maintained emotional distance, using rare rewards and punishments to create a dynamic of loyalty and motivation. This method is paralleled in personal relationships, where emotional space and selective kindness can deepen bonds. The author also references a personal experience with a woman who was late for a date, illustrating the importance of setting boundaries and using small doses of discomfort to maintain respect.

10:03

🔄 Breaking Emotional Ties to Create Deeper Connections

This paragraph delves into the idea that in order to create deep emotional connections, individuals must break their existing ties to the past, such as previous relationships or past emotional patterns. The author discusses how dividing a person internally through doubt, insecurity, or emotional conflict makes them more susceptible to forming new connections. The example of military general Hannibal is used to illustrate how controlling emotions through a series of highs and lows can weaken resistance and create stronger attachments. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of emotional manipulation to make someone more emotionally invested.

15:04

🔥 Pain as a Tool for Building Stronger Bonds

In the fourth paragraph, the author argues that pain is an essential element of deep emotional connections and growth in relationships. They assert that by being willing to inflict emotional discomfort, one can offer a more profound experience to their partner. The author reassures the reader that this is not about abuse but rather about helping people grow and form stronger bonds through the natural dynamics of pleasure and pain. They also compare this dynamic to discipline in parenting, where the occasional punishment creates respect. The paragraph closes with an invitation to check out an upcoming course on balancing masculine and feminine energy to enhance relationships and personal development.

Keywords

💡Pain

In the context of the video, 'pain' refers to emotional discomfort or dissatisfaction that helps individuals realize their deeper emotions, including love. The speaker argues that people tend to recognize they are in love when they feel a void or emotional pain, rather than during moments of happiness. For example, the video discusses how 'pain' is necessary for people to fully appreciate pleasure and deepen their emotional connection with someone.

💡Self-esteem

Self-esteem in the video refers to the sense of personal value that people often derive from their romantic partners. The speaker explains that when we are in love, we unconsciously rely on our partners as a source of self-esteem. The relationship serves as a reflection of our self-worth, and moments of pain or doubt in the relationship can reveal how much we depend on this connection for self-validation.

💡Niceness

'Niceness' is framed as a protective behavior driven by fear of losing a partner, rather than a genuine act of kindness. The speaker suggests that being 'nice' can become a limiting factor because it stems from insecurity, not a true reflection of one's emotions. This behavior creates self-imposed limits and prevents individuals from offering their partners a peak emotional experience.

💡Napoleonic method

The 'Napoleonic method' is a metaphor drawn from Napoleon Bonaparte’s leadership style, which combined harshness and kindness to motivate his troops. In the context of relationships, this method is used to describe the strategy of balancing emotional warmth with emotional distance to maintain a partner's respect and admiration. By keeping rewards and punishments rare, the speaker argues that one can create a dynamic where the partner is constantly motivated to seek approval.

💡Emotional division

Emotional division refers to the internal conflict or doubt that is deliberately introduced to make someone question their feelings or relationship. The video discusses how creating this internal struggle can lead a person to become more emotionally attached, as it weakens their previous emotional defenses. This division can make them doubt their own attractiveness, worth, or the stability of the relationship, thus drawing them closer.

💡Pleasure

Pleasure in the video is described as the emotional reward that people experience after enduring pain. The speaker suggests that emotional highs, such as feeling deeply loved or appreciated, are only fully realized after periods of emotional lows. This interplay between pain and pleasure is presented as essential for creating a deep emotional bond.

💡Dopaminergic system

The dopaminergic system is a part of the brain that controls reward and pleasure mechanisms. In the video, the speaker discusses how alternating between pain and pleasure affects this system, making people more emotionally engaged and attached. By 'calibrating' someone's dopamine responses, one can create a cycle of emotional highs and lows, which can deepen the emotional connection between partners.

💡Emotional vulnerability

Emotional vulnerability is the state of being open to emotional harm or discomfort, which is a key theme in the video. The speaker emphasizes that falling in love naturally puts individuals in a vulnerable position where they can feel exposed, insecure, and emotionally dependent on their partner. This vulnerability is seen as an essential part of forming a deep emotional bond, as it allows for growth and emotional intimacy.

💡Control and surrender

'Control and surrender' refers to the balance between asserting dominance or influence in a relationship and allowing oneself to be vulnerable. The speaker discusses how individuals need to balance masculine energy (control) with feminine energy (surrender) in order to create a dynamic and emotionally fulfilling relationship. This concept is presented as essential for achieving a deeper emotional connection.

💡Rebuilding after emotional division

Rebuilding after emotional division refers to the process of restoring and strengthening a relationship after causing doubt or emotional strain. The speaker suggests that after inflicting emotional pain, individuals can rebuild their partner’s sense of self and the relationship, thus deepening their emotional bond. This cycle of breaking down and building up is portrayed as a natural and necessary process in long-term relationships.

Highlights

You never fall in love when you're in a state of ecstasy, but when you're aware of a lack or pain in your heart.

Pain, not traumatic pain but the general pain of life, often causes people to realize they're in love.

Falling in love is not a rational decision but an emotional experience, so appealing to emotions, not logic, is key.

People often use their partners as a source of self-esteem, leading to insecurity and niceness driven by fear of losing them.

Being overly nice is often an automatic response to insecurity and fear, limiting emotional experiences and creating self-imposed behavior patterns.

Introducing pain and pleasure into a relationship can intensify emotional bonds, as people tend to crave these highs and lows.

Inflicting controlled pain can create deeper bonds without being abusive, as long as it's not done with sadistic intent.

Rare punishment and rare rewards create a dynamic where people work harder to gain approval and respect.

Napoleon built bonds with his troops by leading from the front and creating emotional space, using a mix of harshness and kindness.

Causing people to break their own internal rules, like texting more than they said they would, creates internal division and emotional vulnerability.

Dividing a person’s values and emotions makes them more susceptible to building a bond with you, as they question their self-worth and past connections.

Relationships often involve cycles of pain and reconciliation, and these cycles deepen emotional connection through shared highs and lows.

Breakups are so difficult because pain and pleasure create a self-image tied to the relationship, which needs to be rebuilt after it ends.

Inflicting emotional pain doesn't have to be cruel; it can be a way to create emotional highs that people subconsciously desire.

Falling in love naturally involves emotional breakdown and rebuilding, which strengthens the bond when done carefully and not abusively.

Transcripts

if you actually pay attention you

usually never fall in love or never

realize that you're in love when you're

in a state of ecstasy that's not what

happens you realize you love someone

when you are aware of a lack in your

heart when you are aware of a pain where

your mind goes to when you're in pain

tells you what you value tells you where

you derive your self-esteem from and

when we're in love we use the partner as

a source of self-esteem that's pretty

much what happens right and so one of

the if everything is perfect if

everything is happy if the person

doesn't feel some pain that realization

that I'm in love with you may come a

little later than you want it to come

like it may it will they will realize it

eventually but

pain not traumatic pain but General

Normal pain of Life maybe maybe you're

maybe you're working too much this month

and that create and that castes a a

Shadow of Doubt in their mind and that

pain divides them from the inside like a

divided Army and and through divide and

conquer that pain causes them to fall in

love with you makes them realize that

they love you

right um and and the and the key to when

people fall in love it's never a

rational experience right it's a deeply

emotional experience and because of that

um when we're making people fall in love

a lot of people for some weird reason

try to go the rational route they try to

think of why you guys are compatible you

look at you you they try to look at the

the the the sheet of paper and see how F

how you guys are compatible right but

the truth is it's not a rational

decision it's an emotional so you have

to rather than appeal to rationality

we're perfect I'm I have I have this job

um um um we we we both have the same

religion you have have to appeal to

their emotion and the only way to do

that the only way to do that is through

PL is to is through plain is through

pain and pleasure pain and pleasure is

the is the quickest and most efficient

way to um to appeal to a person's

emotions right why

because the reason why pain specifically

pain right um when we're in love we fall

back to being nice right and and not

being nice as a at a a desire to seduce

the person in other words your niceness

isn't niess to to enhance the experience

for the other person your niceness is

more or so there because of fear of

losing them because of insecurity um it

has your niceness doesn't calibrate to

what they're doing to you you're not

being nice because they've done good

things you're not being nice because of

a reward you being nice because of an

automatic response to feelings of

insecurity and doubt

so you're not you you're really being

self-absorbed and you're never really

giving people that Peak seductive

experience that we all want in daily

life right so what you want to be able

to do is go beyond those limits the

self-imposed limits of being nice you a

lot of people are imprisoned in a in a

certain Behavior pattern because their

insecurity causes them to be nice so

they never expand the limits of what

they're willing to do right so because

of that

um the what you want to be able to do is

open the options of inflicting pain

because those vowes people crave it you

see I make this video and a lot of you

guys are watching and your heads are

being twisted around like the easis

right the reason why a lot of people

find this uncomfortable when they hear

this is because they just don't know

human nature people just don't

understand that this is what people

really want because the pain you you

inflict on them makes them feel alive

people rather feel pain than feel

nothing because the pain that you give

people will always be in equal

proportions with the pleasures they

experience once they finally have you

it's not evil as long as you're not

really out here with sadistic and

desires and hurting people this is a

very normal part parents use pain to

punish their children and to create

deeper bonds like I'm tell you about the

Napoleonic method right one of the

things that Napoleon did that made him

such a good

General and is that he's able to build

is he's able to to to to make his his

troops want to please him but how do you

do that because when Napoleon became a

general not when when Napoleon first

went into battle people didn't respect

him because he was short and they didn't

know what to do with him because like

this guy's really going to save us this

dude right but what he did is that he

did he he he he used what I call the

Napoleonic method which is a mix of

harshness and niceness right what he did

this is how it's done you build a bond

with your troops right and the way that

Napoleon built a bond with their troops

was by pe by making sure that his troops

saw him saw him making a sacrifice in

battle in other words he always LED for

on the front he didn't lead from behind

he put himself in danger and said and

looked at his troops gave it

motivational speech and was the first

one to rush ahead when people saw that

that when his troops saw that they were

like okay this [ __ ] is has balls

of steals they gained respect for him

right so from that he built a bond but

then after he built a bond he held

himself back right he held himself back

and created a little emotional space

warm but distant right that was his

strategy right and what he made sure to

do was this he made sure to make

punishment rare so that's why this is

not abusive punishment rare and rewards

rare if you if you if you create that

Dynamic right once they know what makes

you happy and what angers you they'll

start acting in the ways that you want

make yourself hard to please and they'll

work for you this makes motivation a lot

easier if you're like a boss right but

as you guys can see this is very similar

to the lady that I used to work for her

name was Georgina right I always talk

about Georgina I and and I will always

respect her for the rest of my life

simply because of her character and then

what she did she did exactly this she

was rarely she she she was not she was

not shy with showing you when she was

not happy with you but at the same time

she was not shy to show you when you did

did good but those both of those things

were R well for her she she looked mad

more often than not right but because of

her infrequent niceness when she was

nice it lit you up from the inside right

so that so that's why niess blunts this

man you you you have

to I'm sorry uh you have to be

completely okay with causing this type

of pain in people you know what I'm

saying it's not being abusive

right so now that we understand that

right so we want to be able to go beyond

those limits um because if you inflict

pain right what people don't understand

is that people forgive like people want

to forgive you and even when they

forgive you for the pain that You' given

them the reconciliation makes the

experience with you even deeper you see

the the key to this is to make sure

you're not really doing this to break

someone down what you're doing is that

you're calibrating their dopamine their

dopaminergic system you're giving them

lows and you're giving them highs and

the and and and you have to not feel

guilty about this people want this don't

feel guilty they want to feel that it's

like kids right like kids don't want to

be punished right but ask any kid who

doesn't get punished from by ask any

kids whose parents don't really

discipline them what they'll tell you is

that yeah I don't want to be punished

but I wish I wish my parents sometimes

punish me because it makes me respect

them

more a lot of the times people put you

in those precarious situations where you

have to be aggressive where you have to

play a little dirty and they're hoping

that you do that so that they can

respect you because they're sensing that

possibly you are weaker than you appear

to be they're sensing a weakness out of

you and so they do this in the hopes

that you can stand up for them in the

hopes so that's why people would then

which start acting more difficult or

start maybe pulling away because they're

seeing okay let me see if this person is

worth the [ __ ] and any person who's not

willing to call somebody out for being

disrespectful it's not worth this [ __ ] I

think yesterday I went on a date yeah

not I think I went on a date with this

girl she was 30 minutes late and she

told me she'll be there in 10 minutes

and 20 minutes passed and I was like you

know what I'm leaving like I sent her

text I was like hey man I got to go it's

taking too long I left and 3 minutes

later she called me she was like he I'm

here and a [ __ ] I left she's like what

I was like yeah I I didn't know you were

coming I thought you were canceling you

know and I came back and she was

apologetic but that kind of stuff right

you know it may not be much right cuz I

just I just left you know it's no big

deal but the point is is that when you

and and when I came back I wasn't mad I

was like hey nice nice to see you I

thought I got flaked out man [ __ ] like I

was like man you breaking my heart on a

s on a Saturday right I wasn't mad about

it but I'm trying to let her know like

look man I like you but you know this

this kind of stuff you can't be doing

that kind of stuff you know what I'm

saying so why does this work why does

inflicting pain work so well on on

people well look um what you have to

understand is that the

way what ties people down what what what

what what prevents people connecting

with you is the connections that people

have with the past right past

relationships maybe they're used to a

certain type of person physically or

even the way that they behave maybe

they're still still in love with

somebody in the past and you don't even

know it that's a joint that you have to

break break that connection with the

past so before you do anything before

you show how much before you try to get

in a relationship or even ask or even

before you ask anything that's big this

sounds crazy but you have to weaken them

or even marinate them per se right or

some people like say like lube it up

right like like like that's that's a

horrible example but you guys know what

I'm saying weaken them emotionally right

for example if what um one of the things

about Hannibal he was a military General

was that he he always made sure to

appeal to emotions so for example let's

just say Hannibal wanted to tell you

guys to to fight harder right he didn't

just tell you guys to fight harder he

first got you emotional he first got you

to go from one emotion to to another so

he would one maybe pay this pay the war

prisoners um freedom if they fight to

the death so he first put on a show of

fighting right so he got them emotional

right and then after that he put on

another show of maybe a woman singing

right now it's the Arts right so now

he's controlling their emotions from

excitement to fun to death to singing

and then once he once he's able to move

him up and down from different emotional

ranges then he communicates what he

really wants right it's all so so you

first get them emotional through a

through a pleasant experience visual

physical or even pain and then once you

get them to feel different emotions

right then you could make the finishing

blow but you first weaken them by making

them emotional right so you make them

feel weak make them weak by creating

internal division right so that internal

division is could either be doubt do

they like me do they lose interest am I

attractive enough am I good-look enough

is is he going to is she going to leave

me for him is Tyrone the personal

trainer really a personal trainer is he

really giving her a discount for the

sake of discounts right you you divide

them from the from from from the inside

because the divided leadership is always

it's it's always weak it divided

leadership no matter how many troops you

have i' rather go with an army of 500

that has high morale and United with one

leader than an army of 5,000 that has no

United leadership right so then you make

them doubt themselves you divide the

ranks divide their values by making them

choose between their emotional appeal

and rational value I I never text a girl

twice or I never go back to somebody who

cheats on me I never triple text you

make them break those rules oh oh but

I'm I'm seeing a girl that lik and she

she told me she she doesn't double text

yeah she doesn't double text when she

don't like you ass make her break her

rules divide her from the inside right

so when you so so it's all about making

them completely doubt themselves or hate

themselves through hurting their ego and

then rebuilding them right and and this

sounds evil but you what you have to

understand is that when you fall in love

with people this

happens I'm just laying it out for you

guys it just sounds really evil it

really does I get it like I'm I'm I'm

reading this and I'm I'm I'm I'm looking

like I'm like is God going to smite me

for this but it it is true when we have

it relationship when we're longing for a

relationship a lot of the times we just

don't like the way we see ourselves when

we find someone the process of falling

in love put you in such a vulnerable

state that you almost break down right

you you you just you you have moments

where you just cannot control yourself

and so you rebuild yourself up by

building a self-image of you and that

person this is what happens I'm just

teaching you guys how to speed it up the

problem with this is is that this is so

powerful for that a lot of people use

this to really break people down to

traumatize them to completely make them

lose their sense of self this is not

what I'm talking about this rebuilding

is a natural part you divide them from

the inside so that then they can become

United and build a self image of you and

them like that's that's just how that

works and that's why breakups are so

difficult because you've identified of

you you've identified so much being with

this person because of pain and pleasure

that not you got to build up a new a new

a new identity like this is just natural

people um so don't get mad at me I did

not make people all right um and this is

this is why pain is so important and and

if you're Mr Mr Mr Nice mcgurt and

you're like oh I don't want to do this

well you suffer the consequences suffer

the consequences because you're limiting

your options by not inflicting pain like

like like it's almost

like if you really if you anytime if

you're really going to think about

giving your partner a great experience

like a great emotional experience there

has to be some pain there's just too

many examples that I can think of but

that I'm just trying to help you guys

for people who are moralized in this

don't be afraid of this this is a very

natural thing and if you do this you're

going to get more rewards than any than

negatives okay anyways hopefully you

guys enjoy this video um if you guys

ever want to work with me 10one go to

mind forra action.org click on the

description down below and I'll see you

guys next time there you guys can either

check out I'm actually going to be doing

a book club video based on this um today

by Robert Green Book Club so go check it

out and be aware of that's it's going to

be I'm going to do that by tonight um

and I'll see you guys later bye-bye all

right ladies and gentlemen if you guys

ever want to learn how to use your

feminine energy to influence people

learn how to use your masculine energy

to become more assertive and also learn

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your dating life your spiritual life

honestly um your relationship life your

family life your career life wife this

is the course for you if I had to make a

course for my nieces I have two nieces

one is 819 and one is 14 15 16 holy [ __ ]

oh my God he's a bad [ __ ] he's he's a

bad uncle get him shut up Melissa you

should get this course right and this is

the course that I will make for them so

for example watch the curriculum right

in the first week we're going to be

showing you how to establish a strong

masculine foundation without let it hurt

your feminine energy this masculine

Foundation is a source of who you are

right it's it's your bodyguard without

this your whatever feminine energy you

create will be destroyed by the outside

because your your feem your masculine is

your Shield so we'll talk about goal

setting we'll talk about how to develop

a serious attitude we're going to be

talking about how to um how to use more

logic how to use more goal oriented

behavior it's more how to be a man you

know you know now the next one is how to

embrace the feminine energy right this

one would this one will teach you about

how to minimize excessive masculine

traits developing self-awareness healing

abundant feminine energy regulating your

emotion mastering voice qualities and

and facial expressions surrendering

control and allowing pain to be felt

this is honestly it's it's it this will

supercharge like like kyen your

masculine energy after that we have um

femininity in the workplace and how to

be feminine in the workplace without

letting people take advantage of you and

the nuances of um how women on power

should behave versus women who are

subordinates in the workplace and even

the dress code these are this is based

on psychology people it's kind of insane

I'm actually excited about this one the

next week we talk about navigating the

Labyrinth of male and female friendship

and this a lot of women find confusing

so we talk about that and how to

identify EnV friends how to identify the

good friends how to keep male friends

and how to keep female friends week five

we talk about how to release the burden

of the past and stop D and Destroy

mental projections this is actually

really powerful um in this and then week

six we talk about how to increase your

observation power so that you so that

you can read people better um and we

have a bunch of bonuses it the course

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March one of the two people cuz I have a

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retreat cuz I think the the ideas are

going to be so much better all right man

I'll see you guys later free- order man

I'm closing the channel