The ONLY WAY To Discover Your True Purpose & Build SELF-ESTEEM | Donald Miller & Lewis Howes
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful discussion, the speaker shares their journey of personal growth and transformation over the last eight years. They delve into the importance of trust in relationships, self-esteem, and the power of storytelling in shaping our identities. The speaker emphasizes the significance of embracing challenges, understanding the duality of human nature, and the four key characters in every story: the victim, the villain, the hero, and the guide. They advocate for a life of purpose, community, and resilience, highlighting the impact of suffering and the potential for personal evolution. The conversation also touches on the necessity of shifting from a victim mentality to a heroic one, the value of vulnerability, and the pursuit of a meaningful legacy.
Takeaways
- ๐ Overcoming personal deficiencies and turning them into strengths is a key to success.
- ๐ฃ The power of storytelling and personal narratives significantly impacts our identity and actions.
- ๐ช Recognizing and embracing vulnerability is crucial for personal growth and transformation.
- ๐ค The importance of community and connection in achieving a meaningful life.
- ๐ฏ Setting clear objectives and missions in life provides direction and purpose.
- ๐ Cultivating an optimistic perspective on suffering can lead to a deeper sense of meaning.
- ๐ซ Understanding the pitfalls of a victim mentality and the importance of shifting towards a hero's mindset.
- ๐ฅ The impact of media and narrative on societal division and the need for a united platform.
- ๐ฑ The significance of personal healing and self-improvement in creating a meaningful legacy.
- ๐ The practice of writing one's own eulogy as a tool for self-reflection and life direction.
- ๐ Defining greatness by the positive impact and encouragement provided to others rather than individual achievements.
Q & A
What is the significance of self-esteem in relationships according to the speaker?
-The speaker emphasizes that self-esteem is crucial in relationships because it allows individuals to believe in their capacity to positively impact their partner. Without high self-esteem, a person may feel they have nothing to offer, which can lead to an unbalanced and unsuccessful relationship.
How does the speaker describe the transformation from being a victim to a hero?
-The speaker describes the transformation from victim to hero as a process of recognizing one's own power and potential. It involves shifting from a mindset of helplessness and lack of control to one of agency and responsibility. This change is marked by the individual's decision to actively work on personal growth and make positive contributions to their relationships and the world around them.
What are the four major characters the speaker identifies in every story and how do they relate to personal identity?
-The four major characters identified by the speaker are the victim, the villain, the hero, and the guide. These characters represent different aspects of our identity and can be played by an individual in various situations. The speaker suggests that recognizing and balancing these roles within oneself is key to personal growth and effectiveness in life.
How does the speaker suggest building self-esteem?
-The speaker suggests that building self-esteem is not about simply declaring oneself awesome but rather about achieving tangible wins in life. These wins can be as simple as completing a marathon, getting a good haircut, or writing a book. By accumulating these victories, one's identity begins to shift, leading to a stronger sense of self-worth.
What is the speaker's perspective on the importance of community and mutual benefit in finding meaning?
-The speaker, referencing Victor Frankl, believes that community and mutual benefit are essential for finding meaning in life. According to the speaker, meaning comes from engaging in a project that demands attention and benefiting both oneself and others. This mutual benefit is necessary for a fulfilling life and helps avoid the emptiness of purely self-serving pursuits.
How does the speaker view the role of suffering in personal growth?
-The speaker views suffering as an inevitable part of life that can serve as a catalyst for personal growth. By embracing suffering and not resisting it, individuals can learn from their experiences and hardships, transforming them into something useful and meaningful in their lives.
What is the speaker's approach to handling life's challenges and potential midlife crises?
-The speaker suggests that instead of being driven by past deficiencies or fears, individuals should face life's challenges head-on and turn them into opportunities for growth. In the case of a midlife crisis, the speaker advises creating a new personal narrative or story for oneself, rather than continuing to follow the cultural scripts given by society.
What does the speaker suggest is the key to a successful and meaningful relationship?
-The speaker suggests that the key to a successful and meaningful relationship is not trying to control the other person but instead setting boundaries for the relationship itself. It's about wanting the relationship to change rather than wanting the person to change, and it requires both parties to take responsibility for the health and direction of the relationship.
How does the speaker define 'greatness'?
-The speaker defines greatness as the impact one has on others, particularly in encouraging and facilitating their accomplishments. Rather than focusing on personal achievements, the speaker aspires to be remembered for how he inspired and helped others to succeed.
What is the speaker's advice for individuals who feel their life is meaningless or unfulfilling?
-The speaker advises such individuals to actively create meaning by engaging in a project that demands their attention, embedding themselves into a community, and adopting an optimistic perspective on suffering. He believes that these three elements, based on the teachings of Victor Frankl, can help one experience a deep sense of meaning in life.
Outlines
๐ Embracing Deficiency and่ฟฝๆขฆ
The speaker discusses the universal human experience of feeling deficient and how this feeling can drive us towards our dreams and aspirations. They emphasize the importance of having a mission and the value of trust in relationships, sharing personal experiences of growth and healing over the years. The speaker also talks about the power of self-esteem and how it can be built through achieving personal victories and changing one's identity.
๐ญ The Four Characters of Life
The speaker delves into the concept of the four major characters in everyone's life: the victim, the villain, the hero, and the guide. They explain how each person plays all these roles at different times and how these characters can transform based on one's actions and mindset. The speaker highlights the importance of identifying with the hero and guide roles to create a fulfilling life story, using examples from movies and real-life scenarios to illustrate their points.
๐ฃ๏ธ The Journey from Villain to Hero
The speaker discusses the challenging path from being a villain to becoming a hero, emphasizing the difficulty of change and the importance of taking responsibility for one's actions. They share a personal story of meeting someone on death row who has transformed their life, illustrating that change is possible. The speaker also talks about the power of vulnerability and truth in facilitating this transformation and the importance of recognizing one's own need for growth.
๐ Healing from Past Hurts
The speaker shares personal insights on healing from past traumas and the importance of not letting past pains dictate one's present and future. They discuss the impact of growing up without a father and how it has shaped their life and perspectives. The speaker also talks about the power of forgiveness and the importance of not trying to control others in relationships, emphasizing the need for mutual respect and understanding.
๐ The Power of Stories
The speaker talks about the power of stories in shaping our lives and identities. They discuss how everyone has a story and how these stories can either be fulfilling or empty, depending on how they are approached. The speaker emphasizes the importance of having a clear objective and being part of a community to experience a meaningful life. They also share personal stories and reflections on how they have created their own life stories and the impact these have had on their sense of purpose and direction.
๐ Finding Optimism in Suffering
The speaker discusses the importance of maintaining an optimistic perspective on suffering and how it can lead to a deeper sense of meaning in life. They share personal experiences and insights on how suffering can be transformed into growth and learning opportunities. The speaker also talks about the impact of storytelling on personal development and the importance of having a mission or project that demands attention and engagement.
Mindmap
Keywords
๐กDeficiency
๐กTrust
๐กHealing
๐กSelf-esteem
๐กIdentity
๐กVulnerability
๐กTransformation
๐กNarrative
๐กMeaning
๐กSuffering
Highlights
The importance of recognizing and healing from past traumas and deficiencies.
The significance of trust in relationships and its role in personal growth.
The transformational journey from seeing oneself as a victim to becoming a hero.
The impact of self-esteem on relationships and the power of believing in one's own healing abilities.
The role of identity in our lives and how it influences our actions and decisions.
The importance of embracing challenges and conflicts as they are essential for personal growth and story.
The concept of 'narrative traction' and its significance in maintaining interest and direction in life.
The transformative power of writing one's own eulogy and reading it frequently.
The impact of having a clear mission or story in life and how it prevents an existential vacuum.
The importance of community and connection in overcoming personal struggles and achieving greatness.
The significance of vulnerability in personal development and its role in building authentic relationships.
The role of suffering in creating meaning and the importance of having an optimistic perspective on it.
The impact of personal growth and transformation on one's ability to be a guide and mentor to others.
The importance of recognizing the potential for greatness in every individual and the power of encouragement.
The significance of living a life driven by a sense of purpose and mission, rather than personal accolades.
Transcripts
we need more than we are capable of
getting
and so there's a deficiency in all of us
uh and so for us to say
gosh this hurts
let me turn around
and help other people not have to
experience i think you gotta have a
dream the school of greatness really
yeah please welcome us
what would you say are the three
things that you were able to heal within
the last i guess eight years of yeah of
being together and knowing each other
it's all still happening
um
i've the the trust thing
um
knowing that she's not gonna
you know fool around or flirt with
somebody else and some relationships are
like that but but i'm not comfortable in
that
um
i i just completely now
have somebody
who
i i just feel like i don't have to give
a second thought to
you know and even and she and she has
flirted with other people and i just
kind of go i bet you that was fun she's
like he's cute yeah there you go that's
a level of trust that's a whole other
level of course you know and um and
so it's just it's just fun i mean louis
it's just fun and then the healing that
has happened to me
in terms of just calming down
when you have to be somewhere because
somebody's expecting you you know those
sorts of things you just grow up real
fast yeah you know really really fast
right and then um you know so that's a
big part and then the other part was
probably took me two or three years to
realize oh wait a second this isn't just
her healing me
i'm actually
gonna heal
and i'm going to be a a really
trustworthy guy who said who just
constantly says encouraging things and
you know tries not to ever say anything
demeaning or negative that's not true
because i have but if you're in a
relationship with somebody who doesn't
believe that they have the power to give
anything to you it's not going to work
if they don't believe they have power to
explore actually that their love for you
actually means something
it won't work the relationship won't
work why won't it work because you're
going to be giving everything to them
and they're never going to be giving
back because they don't believe they
have anything to get interesting you
know so i think it's really important
that we have very high self-esteem
in our relationships that we believe no
my words actually have the power to heal
this person how do you think we build
self-esteem if we don't have much of it
okay this is going to be controversial i
don't believe that you can look in the
mirror and say that you're awesome and
build self-esteem i actually think you
have to chalk up some wins
yeah there's got to be some results in
your life exactly you got to go finish a
marathon yeah that'll do it like get a
good haircut buy some new clothes yeah
all that superficial stuff actually
means something and you know
writing a book like you did and
finishing it you know you if you start
chalking up wins your identity begins to
change
the role you play
in the story of your life will determine
your character how important is identity
for us it's everything
why
because you will operate out of your
identity
in stories there are four characters
four major characters the victim
the villain
the hero
and the guide so let me describe them
the victim is the one who believes they
are doomed and they have no way out and
they are looking for a rescuer
the villain is the one who makes others
small they demean others in order to
feel powerful
sometimes physically
uh the hero is the one who
really doesn't have what it takes
but accepts the challenge and transforms
until they can get the job done
and the guide is the one who has played
the hero for so long they have the
expertise to turn around and help
somebody else you will see those four
characters in every story and here's why
those four characters exist in every
story they exist in every story because
they exist in you
you are not one of them you are all four
and i'm all for and really if you look
at your day you'll play all four
characters in one day if you're jumping
on a plane and it's late yeah yeah yeah
if you walk out and your car's been
stolen you're going to feel sorry for
yourself i'm doomed and why does this
happen to me and yeah that's the victim
if
somebody calls and says and cancels an
interview uh you're going to feel
disrespected you're going to say that
little you know what that's the villain
the hero is the one who says i'm not
going to stop i'm going to make sure
this happens until i bench 300 pounds
i'm going to show up every day and i'm
going to transform until i can be the
guy who does it and the guide is the one
who says
this guy's about to step on a landline i
think i need to go talk to him and so we
play those four characters every day but
here's the here's the truth the more you
identify as the victim the worse your
story will go victims and stories do not
transform
their bit parts that make the hero look
good and the villain look bad it's a bit
part and at the end of the story you'll
notice the victim sits on the the bumper
of the ambulance they put a blanket
around them and they the camera shows
them for a second then it goes over and
shows the hero getting their reward the
story the hero yeah who saved or guided
the yeah that's right so when we play
the victims our stories go nowhere we
don't transform we never get what we
want we don't build a legacy we're not
remembered and we suck all the energy
into ourselves
interesting and people need to get away
from us
right and so
if you play the victim your story will
go like a victim in a movie if you play
the villain
where you're
you know you're nice to people when the
camera's on but you're cussing them out
when they when you know behind the
scenes or you're you know i have so many
friends who threaten to sue all the time
i'm like do you realize how yourself
other people yeah other people yeah yeah
that's how they operate and i'm like do
you realize that as soon as you send
that email they get on the phone and
call 20 people
and you're burning bridges left and
right yeah you're pl you're being a vil
this is what the villain would do in a
movie
don't do it because here's what happens
if they'll in a movie they're shot
right they die they die they go to jail
they die or they go to jail yeah that's
and so the same thing's gonna happen you
may not go to jail but you're gonna be
in a social prison
where people are gonna you know and then
you gotta cycle through friends because
you've burned them all out
the hero what happens to the hero is
they they experience a reward because
they accomplish something great but the
bigger thing is they transform so at the
beginning of the movie they are
ill-equipped they are afraid they don't
know what to do
um they need help and at the end of the
movie they're strong
and if we want to become our a better
version of ourselves we have to do what
heroes do and what heroes do is they see
something that they can't do
they accept that they can't do it and
they become the person who can do it by
continuing to hit their head against the
wall that's what they do and then what
we find out
is if we do that 10 or 12 times and we
become
the great awesome man which tends to
happen to us in our late 20s
i think we're invincible and yeah we
start figuring out it's actually a
pretty empty life
and we turn around and we help somebody
else and we go wait a second that felt
really meaningful
and
you know you you start playing the guide
more and more and so the the real
beautiful journey of life is you have
this opportunity to play the hero and
you slowly transform into the guy i did
um if you ever get a chance to interview
pete carroll with the seahawks okay i
went up in and he gave me 15 minutes in
his office and we spent two hours
together
and one of the things that i asked him
because in these interviews sometimes
i'll ask i'll say hey when did you
realize that you were special now almost
everybody i've ever asked that to played
the humble card and said oh there's
nothing he didn't
i really liked it he said i was in high
school
wow he said my doctor wouldn't let me
play football because i was too small
but i knew that i was bigger than my
body i knew it i knew i was special
that's cool it was very cool
and i was so glad he was honest and then
i said um
i said but did that bring you meaning by
accomplishing so much and he said no he
said one of the best things that ever
happened to me is i chalked up a lot of
wins when i was young because i realized
they were empty and it wasn't until i
started coaching and helping other
people other heroes win
that i found meaning that's kind of how
i felt well that's what you do if you
think about it you play the guy yeah
right you sit there you you metabolize
content quickly and turn around so that
somebody else can use it yeah there was
something always missing inside yeah
like i would go and spend years
sometimes decades pursuing a goal and
then i would accomplish it
and then i'd be like well now what and i
didn't have there was a there was like a
a feeling of like yes i can do what i
set out to do but it wasn't a deeper
fulfillment and i think i don't know if
it was because
for most of my life i was doing i was
accomplishing things to prove people
wrong
and so the energy and the effort behind
trying to
you know prove the three bullies wrong
or these people who said no to me wrong
or who picked me last and like having
that fuel left me feeling like uh it
wasn't a meaningful fuel
the the pursuit and the goal was
significant for me but the energy behind
it wasn't
out of pure love and i think it was out
of like i'm doing this because i love it
because i want to inspire people
as opposed to i want to prove like i
don't know all these people wrong i
might have had more fulfillment but when
i transition into
well how can i just serve
and through the school of greatness and
how can i collect information from wise
people like yourself and then facilitate
and share this with others and help them
improve that's when it became another
level of fulfillment victor frankl would
say that in order to
to be meaningful an objective needs to
be mutually beneficial it needs to
benefit you and it needs to benefit
others if it only benefits you it won't
work interesting
you know it needs to be a team or a you
know you can't do it alone one of the
three things that victor frankl said you
need to put into your life in order to
experience a deep sense of meaning is
community and he also included art and
nature into that because basically he
was saying you got to stop staring at
your belly button pulling the lint out
and holding it up to the light you're
going to drive yourself nuts right get
get into a community and share an
objective with a group of people and try
to accomplish it what happens if we just
do it something for ourselves only
it'll be empty you know when you when
you watch a story um you know
there's been like 37 rocky movies right
but i can't remember which one i watched
that you know rocky wanted to win the
heavyweight bow that's always the story
and but if you think about it wanting to
win the heavyweight
championship
um
is a very selfish endeavor and so
if you play that movie out and he wins
it the audience will not like him in
fact they'll turn on
so what they had what the screenwriters
had to do to make the story work is they
had rocky start mentoring a fatherless
kid
take care of a single mom buy an old
homeless man dinner i'm not kidding he
goes to a dog pound and rescues a dog
and adopts the dog
that way the audience will cheer for him
when he wins the heavyweight fight
because he's doing it for more people
than himself because he's it's a good
person winning the championship rather
than just a person who's driven only for
themselves now what's fascinating about
that is the screenwriters had to put all
of that in there in order to make the
movie work so what does that tell us
about life we've got to put all that in
there you got to make it work
if you want to experience you know your
life is a story
it is your life is a story and when
people say i'm restless or i'm bored i
had a great um coffee with an
acquaintance in portland a friend of
mine said when you get together my
friend you wrote a book about traveling
around america um he's wants to write a
book about traveling around ark you just
finished will you get together i did the
kids 10 years younger than me just
starting out and writing and i realized
pretty quickly this kid is a nihilist
this kid believes that life is futile
and there's no meaning to anything which
in portland is like
right i mean the state flag you could
just have life it's meaningless but
marijuana leave
but you know i said something to him
that um was offensive what did you say i
said
what if life is not meaningless what if
just your life is made
and here's what i meant by that
what if life hands you the opportunity
to live a story
and the story that you are writing with
your life is not pleasing or satisfying
it's boring it's the equivalent of
sitting in a theater and watching a
blank screen
i said life is not meaningless life is
just stuff that you can put together and
make what you want with it what you have
made is meaningless and it's giving you
the experience of meaningless but don't
project your meaninglessness on me don't
say the world is meaningless
what's the point of being here just
because you haven't created something
meaningful that's exactly yeah or even
meaningful for yourself
right
life hands us these cultural scripts
right when we're born we're born into a
family
you know we're the son or we're the
daughter
and our parents give us a script and we
we play out that story then we get into
school and it's usually an education
script then you get into university and
there are there there's two scripts
happening in university it one is a
career script and the other is find a
mate
or whatever you know those are the
scripts then you get married and you
have kids and there's a family script
and you know what happens after that
there are no more cultural scripts
nobody gives you a script and so what is
midlife crisis it's literally you've
played out the story that culture gave
you and you did not create a new one for
yourself and so now you're sitting in
the theater of your own mind you're
watching a blank screen and it's driving
you crazy that my friend is your fault
so what if someone's in their early 20s
what should they be reconsidering about
their story they should look at their
life like a story
they should say look if i were a hero in
a story
what would i do differently i've heard
joe rogan say this i've heard a number
of people say it but if i were a hero in
a story and i were talking to my
girlfriend this way
what does that do to the story does the
audience root for this character do they
not like this character i mean so the
biggest regrets of my life
are things that i've said to people
that if you showed that with out of
context if you just showed that
everybody would go oh it's the villain
you know and um
that stuff is in my story so then you
ask yourself okay if i've screwed up how
do you fix it well how would a hero fix
it
you apologize you make it right you yeah
don't do that again you you know and
everybody's going oh we like this guy
uh-huh yeah yeah and so he said sorry
pretty easy
now
how does a villain change their identity
into a hero i have a cynical view of
villains i i think it's i think it's
very very
difficult for a narcissistic control
freak to actually change
um but how do you do it we just had a
therapist who's the expert on narcissism
uh on and it's been going viral and she
was like you can't change a narcissist i
kind of agree with that it's like unless
they're willing to look within which
that's right which is great and take
accountability which is almost
impossible and say i want to go to
therapy
a couple days a week and do this for
years to be willing to really start to
break these patterns
i don't know if it's that extreme but
this is what she said based on her
experience of decades of working with
narcissists so you're saying villains
are hard to change well not all villains
i have a friend who uh occasionally have
the honor of visiting his name is terry
and terry is on death row in tennessee
terry killed a young woman when he was
about 18 years old raped her and killed
her
and terry's probably 55 now
and he's consistently scheduled to be
executed
and you know lives
you know but when you sit and talk to
terry he has
wholeheartedly processed
what he did
wholeheartedly right so much so that
he's actually written back and forth
with family members of the young woman
and they've written to him
and i think the the path to going from
villain
to hero
is when the villain stops and says i was
wrong and i have to make amends for what
i did
and then that character for watching a
movie is now transformed into a hero and
can move on and they can start to see
themselves as a hero but that's really
hard for somebody to do when they
believe that
if they admit that they're wrong it puts
me in a weak position and i'm vulnerable
and now i'm exposed to an outside threat
they think i'll never i'll never ever
admit that i'm wrong because
that's a weakness and the one rule of
being a villain is never ever show that
you're weak why is vulnerability such a
key
factor in life because it's truth yeah
why is it so hard for so many people oh
it's hard for me
for me like your mom you said she wasn't
vulnerable for many years i don't know
if that she was she was so vulnerable
you know in the last 15 years of her
life
she was incredibly vulnerable really
yeah why did that shift she realized and
her children did such a good job
loving her
you know i hate to take for my sister
and i take some credit for that but uh i
think that was a big a big big part of
it and then i just think you know she
became a grandma only because of my
sister she didn't she never got to meet
my baby
but i think that that was part of it too
who knows i i think um
villain villainy and pride go hand in
hand
and you know
my mom
she divorced my dad or my dad left when
i was two years old and my mom
made a decision we never talked about it
but i know from the way she literally
she made a decision she would never ever
ever get her heart broken again
so for the last 40 years of her life she
never dated she had no love she had no
love yeah that's tough because she was
not going to get hurt
she was not going to take that risk
isn't that crazy the fear of pain or
feeling that pain once can make help
have us hold on to it for so long yup to
not want to put ourselves out there to
experience love again yeah
yeah or to become cynical about the
nature of love itself or to not realize
that the person that you love is
actually going to hurt you
they're just going to do it yeah they're
going to hurt you and you and you're
going to hurt them
but what is love if it's this
conditional thing of like well it's over
if you hurt me
right that's not love
right you know i don't think we can
expect
to always be respected or carried about
by the person that we're with and so our
ability to be forgiving creates an even
greater bond and our willingness to say
no i'm going down with this ship
if you hurt me it's gonna it's gonna be
worse than death wow but i am here wow
you know and not try to that was the
other thing that i realized in so many
relationships early on that you can't
control somebody and love them at the
same time
it doesn't work
why not
because if you're controlling them it's
not a genuine relationship
what is it
uh it's you interacting with a puppet oh
man
or in a puppet by the way it's pure
fantasy on your part because they're
actually not a puppet
they're complying right but compliance
isn't genuine you just can't you just
can't control somebody and love them at
the same time you can't control somebody
and be in a loving relationship it
doesn't work
what's the alternative
set them free i mean think you know
let's go back to sting
if you love somebody set them free yeah
i think that's that's the alternative is
that set them free by not being with
them or set them free in the
relationship you set them free in the
relationship so what i learned was that
you stop
in in my relationship with betsy
hopefully if i'm doing it right i'm
never wanting betsy to be different
or i'm wanting betsy to change what i'm
wanting is what i have boundaries on is
the relationship that we are in
so in a dating relationship you would
never say
i can't be with somebody who does this
what you would say is i don't want to be
in a relationship that feels this way
[Music]
are you do you want to change so we can
be in this or or not right you know my
friend henry cloud is here in town says
you got a view of some relationships
like a coke machine
if you put a dollar 25 in a coke machine
it doesn't give you a coke machine you
go to different machines
right right you don't keep putting money
in press other buttons try to get it
doesn't this doesn't work and so when
you're in a relationship you go actually
i'm looking for
commitment and affection and you're just
looking to get laid or whatever you know
then uh
it won't work it won't work stop putting
money into it yeah go to a different one
and it's it takes responsibility from
both parties to recognize and see that
yeah and then i expect something from
the person who's just wanting to get
laid and expect something different
and then not expect you to be different
as well it's like
it's never gonna work yeah yeah it took
me a long time to have awareness but
don't you think love and fear go hand in
hand yeah because i'm having
conversations with my girlfriend in the
last few weeks that i had some like
i had to step into courage like let go
of past fears and step into courageous
thought action words
that felt a little like
not fearful but just like
man i want it to work out you know you
want it to be well yeah you want it to
be healthy you want to be strong and so
it takes courage i think to fully love
and not go through pain again it does
you know i um i found my dad
uh cause he left when you were two he's
left when i was two and i found him when
i was in my mid-thirties i had just
released a book about growing up without
a father what was that like
it was terrifying
he lived in indiana
and um
i called him
and said
my name is donald miller i'm your son
and i'm on my way to your house wow left
a voicemail
he called me back
so i know he got the call but i was too
scared to answer i'm driving to his
house and i'm in chicago i'm six hours
away wow and i'm too scared dancing i
don't want to have
i don't know what to do and knocked on
his door went in
and
he's watching fox news he's drinking a
beer
and he i was very happy about two things
he had his hair and he was in good
health yeah you're like good okay yeah
yeah and we just had this conversation
and he explained what happened you know
mom who i love you know who passed away
who became this amazing woman
emasculated him
and he felt the need to leave and um i
didn't i didn't understand
how could you there's something
biochemical that happens when you have a
kid
how how can you
how can anything
pull you away from that it just made no
sense to me right and louis we had a
baby six months ago
and one of the things that i thought was
so amazing i still felt like how could
anything play away from this but what i
didn't realize what i never saw coming
was
my entire
happiness well-being
view of whether or not life is good or
bad
now depends
on the well-being of this child
in other words if anything happens to
this kid
my life is over really my marriage is
over
my understanding and view of whether or
not god is good is over really
everything is that what you're telling
yourself right now
it's what's true
is it the truth or is it i think if
anything happened to emily i don't know
that i could survive come on i don't
know louis really i'm telling you i'm
not kidding so parents are watching this
going oh louis is going to find out
right yeah i mean i think it was
madeline lingle who said having a child
is like having your heart walk around
the room oh my gosh outside your body
that's tough yeah and uh why wouldn't
the marriage work if something happened
i think um
so much of
of what became
the the purpose of our lives
was to give ourselves sacrificially to
the to the well-being of this child not
all of it
we still give to each other we still
have our identities but um
you know to lose something that you love
that much
is you know i just don't know that i
parents do it and parents survive
there's always something kind of missing
and yeah yeah but i i just don't know
how they do it
you know right and thank god and and
pray that that never yeah never have to
answer that question but i only say all
that to say love demands courage so why
did my father leave i think one of the
reasons is this is freaking scary mm-hmm
this is terrifying
yeah this is terrifying what was the
biggest lesson you learned growing up
without a father
i learned that when you when you grow up
with deficiencies either monetary
deficiencies or relational deficiencies
or even
physical handicaps
and i don't want to offend anybody
you're actually at an advantage if if
you can
metabolize that and turn it into
strength why is that
because when you work out you go tear up
your body
and it turns into muscle mm-hmm the
problem is a lot of people with monetary
deficiencies or handicaps whatever
they'll go into victim mindset
and so the muscle will never come
but if we can actually turn around and
say no i'm going to see this as a hero
and a story
turn on your favorite movie here's how
it starts the hero
is some sort of orphan
their parents have left somebody has
abandoned them and they feel alone it's
formulaic
right because it makes the story better
right because we get to see them
reconcile with whoever get what they
want or become a whole
and you know every parent screws up
their kid
it is
it's amazing to me my mom never made
more than twenty thousand dollars a year
we've stood in line for government
cheese
you know inline is being raised
in 15 posh acres in the nicest
neighborhood in tennessee yeah she's
getting a completely different life so
does she have a disadvantage i want i've
asked myself that question
right i've asked myself that question is
there any kid that grows up in a healthy
parent relationship yeah love fully they
have a much better chance of being happy
really than not but they have a lesser
chance of actually
seeing a massive uh
success or accomplishment really
why is that there's no driving there was
a study done among ceos
and
really really successful ceos and they
said okay what's the common uh
denominator between the ones who are
clearly a cut above
and they found the common denominators
when they grew up poor isn't that crazy
a lot of a lot of these i heard a story
something like
20 or 30 i'm i'm messing it up but a big
percentage of
presidents like grew up without parents
like dads i think it's like their dads
died early or hillary clinton barack
obama
george w bush obviously had a great
father
um
i don't know jimmy carter's history
nixon
they didn't have fathers
home relationships yeah you know abusive
uh yeah i mean you just take it all back
i don't know joe biden's story i'm not
sure but yeah a lot of them it's that
orphan heart that drives you
what is that what is the orphan heart
the orphan heart doesn't prove that i
belong in this world that i matter
because nobody ever told it to me oh man
now hopefully that gets healed i feel
like in barack obama's life that got
healed i think in bill clinton's life i
think that got healed
um
but hopefully you find healing but it
can be jet fuel
you know it can also destroy you yeah
you know and it's much more likely to
destroy it i think than to be jet fuel
really yeah so we don't want to do that
to our kids
sure but you think a child growing up
with
financial abundance let's say safety
peace
healthy loving relationship has a far
harder chance to do something much more
significant or what what is the
challenge they face
those kids tend to do very very well
they tend to not be let's be clear about
what i'm saying here that'll take big
risks
they're not driven by wounds
right
i mean if you've got a cattle prod poke
you in the butt every five minutes
you're gonna move yeah yeah right and so
it's not it's not a it's not a bad thing
i mean i i don't want a cat i don't want
emily to grow up with the sense of
inadequacy that i had
and that drive to be important because
i'm trying to prove that i'm not the kid
from the wrong side of the tracks you
know if you look at my financial success
i guarantee you louis 90 of it as i'm
trying to prove to myself that i'm not
white trash
guaranteed
absolutely wow still
not as much anymore you've healed it
more now because again you know one of
the ways that you develop self-esteem is
you chalk up some wins yeah yeah then
you've you've proven it to yourself like
okay i've i've created some results yeah
hopefully i think there's people who
they never they never get to the point
improving so they just burn themselves
out
trying to trying to prove they're not
whatever deficient you talked about the
if you took snapshots of you as a
villain you know in your past
you know and it was up on a big screen
for the world to see oh yeah i'd be dead
your words out of context are taken in
yeah well in context they weren't that
much better
um how important is the spoken word and
the internal word
for
any four of these characters and and for
our overall identity to live a
meaningful life
yeah the spoken word what we say to our
you know to ourselves or someone else
and the internal word we speak to
ourselves yeah
you know there's an assignment in the
book and i do this eulogy one four
mornings a week at least i read my own
eulogy
and um
it says
it outlines the three stories that i've
got in my life
one is my the story of my family which
we've built a retreat center called
goose hill you can't pay to go there
it's just inviting friends and family
yeah and
but
that story is specifically designed to
give my family something to do
it's designed so that we can have some
goals and accomplish those goals
together because you know the story
can't just be about let's have a great
family and you create a great family
when you start a family business that
tries to raise the money this summer to
go to disney world that's a great story
and then the family bonds around that
story so that's the family story we have
this retreat center i have a business
story business made simple is my company
and i really want to build
six different frameworks that are so
good they help small businesses grow and
then i want to take that to a major
university
and have the business made simple school
for entrepreneurs
and i want to teach at that school
so that's that's my goal and i want that
story to happen and i'm actively
pursuing
that happening and then there's a third
goal
that's called build the middle class and
i own buildmiddleclass.com i haven't
done anything with it yet
but
i'm working with a bunch of folks out of
dc to
identify just happens to be eight pieces
of legislation that will get america
moving again
and bring moderate republicans and blue
dog democrats to gather a middle of the
country
so that we can stop being controlled by
these extremists who are really
whack-a-nut jobs right and there's so
many of us who just see eye to eye
whether you're a republican or democrat
doesn't matter we all want the same
thing on healthcare with the same thing
in education so that third story which
is really the story from you know 55 on
i'm starting to put little things on the
plot i have a weekly meeting with a
think tank in dc
starting to take notes on it that's
going to be the third and final story of
my career in my life
the cool thing about reading your eulogy
is you know what your stories are and
the biggest benefit of that is you know
what to say no to
i have
30 years left the average
american lives to be about 78.5 i'm
hoping you know i've lost some weight
i'm i'm drinking my apple cider vinegar
but i'm trying to live longer but the
reality is i've got 30 years so when
there's a story about
you know don let's go make a tv show
about this
i look at my eulogies and go i would
love to dub i can't
i got three stories left wow that's it
three stories left
and
we don't have time
what happens if one of these stories
doesn't either doesn't work out or
something changes where there's no
longer the ability to take on that story
well um it doesn't matter in terms of
experiencing meaning because you
actually according to victor frankl you
actually experience meaning there's
three things that have to happen for you
to experience meaning one is you have to
have a project that demands your
attention
a reason to get out of bed in the
morning there has to be an open story
loop in your brain but you need to close
will lewis house uh
finish the new book
there's a story right uh and you have to
have that if there's no story you're
toast
so that's the first thing the second
thing is a community nature or art
things that pull you out of yourself
and then the third thing is fascinating
it's a
optimistic
or redemptive perspective on suffering
so basically you have to embrace
suffering
and not resist it uh you have to
understand that while suffering is
painful it isn't a bad thing
what's the last one again
an optimistic perspective on suffering
if you have those three things you will
experience a deep sense of meaning in
life
and
i
figured that out when i read his book
man search for meaning and i applied it
to my life starting about 12 years ago
and
i have not struggled with depression i
have not struggled with any of that
there's been sad days tragedies in my
life
but um there's not been a single day
when i haven't experienced a deep sense
of meaning
and
he considers that an antidote to
depression
in fact he developed logotherapy a
therapy of meaning in order to take
teenagers in vienna in the 1930s
through small groups where they would
identify a project embed themselves into
a community and find you know yes you're
abused by your father what's good about
that yes it's a horrible thing we
wouldn't wish that anyone
what benefit is there
what does that make possible because
you're abused by your father what makes
you a more tender person makes you aware
of suffering makes you a better human
being in some ways and if you can redeem
and metabolize your suffering and make
it turn into something useful in your
life you have meaning and what happened
was that they had a suicide problem in
vienna especially around time grades
were released so the hospital system in
vienna said um dr frankl
you've done a lot of work with us can
you help he puts all these kids into
small groups and under his watch not a
single person commits suicide
and so i think what a lot of our
restlessness and boredom what it
actually is it's a lack of meaning
and i believe you can create and
generate meaning if you do those three
things yeah i think tony robbins talks
about this where he was like he loves
victor frankl he loved his mom but his
mom used to like beat him and like pour
soap down his mouth or something like
does a bunch of stuff that like you know
kind of ruined him in some ways but made
him so um care so much about human
beings and helping heal people and
improve the quality of life of people
that that drove him to become better
yeah so here's an interesting fact that
you just pointed out
villains and heroes actually have the
exact same backstory
they have both the the villain story and
the backstory of the hero are pain
remember i said the hero's an orphan yes
there's is always an orphan in some way
they're they're offend
at the beginning of the movie they have
pain
the villain if you'll watch the movie
closely screenwriters will put a scar on
their face a limp some sort of speech
impediment what they're indicating is
that this person has a painful backstory
so the difference between the villain
the hero is one thing it's how they
respond to pain because they were
abandoned also that's right yeah and the
villain says the world hurt me i'm gonna
hurt it back
and the hero says the world hurt me i'm
not going to let this happen to anybody
else wow it's just literally how you
decide to react to pain that causes you
to be the villain or the victim it's the
third part of a meaningful mission you
know it's the third part of the
framework you're talking about which is
what's the benefit from your pain what's
the yes the optimism yeah yeah it's
that's it's how you respond to pain that
either turns you into the victim or
turns you into the hero and determines
the quality of the rest of your life
isn't that interesting yeah but at some
point there's probably need to be a
healing that occurs for the
the hero to become a hero yeah but i
think the healing happens in action yeah
you know i think it happens in action
going to therapy getting into a
relationship learning from past mistakes
helping someone else that's all growth
is is learning from our mistakes yeah my
therapist says that healing is not a a
it's not an event it's a it's a journey
it's a consistent journey of showing up
in that process yeah it doesn't just oh
i'm healed in one moment it's like
constantly showing up is there a way to
end suffering do you think
in our lives you don't want to why not
because you'll stop growing
yeah you'll stop growing um
you know i believe and i don't i don't
really understand why louis but i
believe there's something fundamentally
broken in the nature of the world
it's easy to not think that if you live
in america but leave the country for a
little bit right you know a lot of
things are broken go through
iraq you know there's something
fundamentally broken
in the world so i don't think in this
world you're gonna get away from
suffering and then there's also just
something funnily broken in our hearts
right because we we need more than we
are capable of getting
and so there's a deficiency in all of us
uh and so for us to say
gosh this hurts
let me turn around
and help other people not have to
experience pain as much
that's those those are the very people
that we call heroes that's the that's
the characteristic
you know and so um without suffering you
have no opportunity to be a hero without
pain there's no story without conflict
there's no story so let me tell you a
story yeah buddy of mine um
he lives here in l.a he loves to play
volleyball okay and he gets a call
and he says hey come down to the beach
we're playing volleyball all your
buddies are here let's go
he just like can't believe this walks
out looks down he sees his buddies
playing volleyball down the beach goes
down starts playing volleyball with them
you know they play a few games each game
ends in a tie and somebody says well i'm
hungry it's tuesday it's taco tuesday
let's go to the taco truck they go they
get some brisket tacos they get some
fish is this story
interesting no no you're sitting there
going when is the story gonna get
started right what you're actually
saying is
where's the problem oh
so without the problem there is no story
so let's say my buddy gets a call
they're playing volleyball she's walking
on the beach he's looking down at him
and an earthquake hits the ground opens
up half his friends falling now we got a
story right
so until there is a challenge in your
life
or until you actually
engage or even dream up a challenge i'm
going to run a marathon i'm going to ask
this girl out i'm going to start a
business i'm going to write a book i'm
going to what i'm going to lose 100
pounds until you you say
that's something i don't think i can do
but i'm going to try your life is boring
wow and but what do we do we seek
comfort we actually run the opposite
direction
and so once we engage this idea that
suffering it actually benefits us
it transforms us and it's good all of
life suddenly
has
this different perspective i have a
morning ritual with emmeline
she's six months old for the last six
months
i'm the guy who gets her out of bed
changes the diaper and does the first
bottle because betsy's got to do some
mom things and it's best if
betsy eats breakfast and and i can hand
her off and i go right so i've i've
pushed back my riding hour by one hour
so that i can do this
and every morning
almost without fail emily and i walk to
the front door and we greet the day we
open door we step out on the porch and
we point out three or four things that
are beautiful
that's it we just go light on the hills
those leaves are moving
june carter our dog is chasing a
squirrel that's hilarious that's cool
snow on the fence you know whatever it
is and
some days it's just completely gray and
it's actually a bit challenging for me
what's beautiful
there's no light on the hills there's no
and what i say to emily is i say amelia
how beautiful is it that today is going
to make tomorrow special oh that's cool
right and so even the hurt the suffering
that we feel is even a bad relationship
i would not be so grateful for my if i
had not had my heart broken i just
wouldn't yeah and so pain actually
serves us tremendously that's something
i talked about my girlfriend was just
like i'm so glad that i went through all
these challenges because i really value
the peace the love the acceptance that
you bring the lack of drama this is no
drama
no drama man all right so i want to say
it on camera but marry the woman
exactly yeah lock that down man it's
crazy that he you know and i felt like i
always felt like i was and i take full
responsibility because i chose the
relationships and i stayed in a
relationship so it's again
yeah nothing wrong with the the people
it just wasn't the right alignment
but i kept thinking to myself man i feel
like i'm running out like a six
in my life out of ten like in these
civilizations i regret that
yeah and i was just like man i feel like
it's holding me back from my mission
from my my health and they aren't doing
it i'm doing it by staying so
i needed to learn how to heal and and
move on which is was an amazing journey
but it's uh you know
i think you're just getting started yeah
that's how i feel i think this i think
what you've found now is what you're
actually going to build on
it
that's the foundation and you know betsy
and i kind of made an agreement when we
got married hey let's leave the drama
outside of this house
you and i
will go out and face the drama but the
energy that i want to spend changing the
world can't be wasted on each other and
fight it can't be it just can't be and
it and i'm so glad that she's in
alignment with that you and your wife
are either gonna have a mission
or
she's gonna be the mission and you're
gonna be the mission gosh there's so
many marriages i feel like that are that
i have drama and it's like you're
constantly working on the marriage to
fix something yeah yeah isn't that true
i mean would you rather change the world
and change your wife yes yeah absolutely
a lot of women feel that way about their
husbands right yeah what needs to happen
in order for people in relationships
whether they're married or not to get
out of drama
and into
peaceful experiences and move into their
their energy into the world as opposed
to stressing about the relationship what
do you think needs to happen because so
many marriages and relationships are
struggling yeah i don't think two people
should
spend their life metaphorically looking
into each other's eyes i think they
should be shoulder to shoulder looking
at something to do
and i think what so many relationships
are missing is a story
we are going to start a business we are
going to start a grocery store where we
give away the food to to people for free
we are going to
build a retreat center we are going to
write a book together we are going stop
this
stop this because this isn't what life
is about what we need is a partner
a group protagonist what a family is a
group protagonist story
and what a story has to have is an
objective
something hard to do to overcome or to
do or overcome or accomplish and then
here's the next dangerous part
when you overcome it you accomplish it
if you don't get another story started
you're going to hit what victor frankl
calls the existential vacuum
it's a narrative void it's it's there's
no again it's a blank screen that i'm
looking at nothing is happening what's
the meaning what am i supposed to be
doing in my life now yeah when uh when i
read viktor frankl's book i dr had
ridden uh
about 10 of us rode our bicycles from
los angeles to delaware wow we did it
one summer how long partly how i lost
weight uh it took seven weeks wow and so
we did that and i lived enough stories
you know written some books and kind of
that i knew once we got to washington dc
we had one more day you can cross
delaware in a day it's about 75 miles
and from dc and um
i knew
man
two weeks from now i'm going to be
clinically depressed
because you have no mission next well
not only that but you know we're eating
seven to ten thousand calories a day our
bodies are completely jacked up they're
just screwed up you know we're uh
you know we're with each other we're
giggling and laughing we're experiencing
pain every day we're doing you know it's
a story
and as soon as the story's over
i realize i'm gonna be sitting in the
theater and and and i picked up viktor
frankl's book in the holocaust museum
because you know he was a survivor of
the holocaust
i picked it up and i read it on the
flight home and basically that book
screamed at me
get involved in another story
now
do not go home and sit down yeah well
maybe take three days to recover your
body but that's what planning yeah for
me it was about three weeks and start
planning the next day start playing that
story and so what i did was um
uh
i got a call saying dom will you come
do a little prayer at the democratic
national convention well i'm a
republican
and i said yeah but i went and i'd known
about barack obama he was a senator he
had some great fatherlessness
legislation
and the to the to the group there i said
hey listen
um
what's he going to do on fatherhood and
they outline this whole plan i said can
i go around the country and just say
what this man is going to do if he's
elected president on one of our critical
issues in this country they said yes so
i just became a surrogate speaker i
lived there about three of us we
basically lived in our cars and changed
into suits and
in
in airports and i would fly back between
all the swing states and i was doing it
partly because i wanted this guy to be
president he's a pretty moderate
reasonable guy he actually he actually
did some great things um
but i was also doing it because i didn't
want to have an existential vacuum i
needed something exciting to involve
myself in and it worked and while i was
on the campaign trail i'm getting text
messages from friends who are on the
trip saying
i've never been so depressed and i don't
know what to do and who's on the bike
trip exactly do you guys want to meet in
delaware and ride back
anyway and uh
you know um so
i think a lot of people who are
listening to this conversation
and they're feeling like their life is
going nowhere i would say you get
yourself involved in a story if you
don't have a mission find somebody with
a mission and join them get involved get
involved how many parts to a story are
there and what are the parts well the
basic story is a character
that wants something
and overcomes conflict to get it
that's it right luke
wants to destroy the death star has to
overcome his own insecurities and
physical
inadequacies in order to learn to be a
jedi in order to destroy the death star
that's it
king george
wants to overcome a stutter because he's
been saddled with the kingship of uk
he has to overcome that stutter with
lionel the drama teacher in order to
give the final speech that's every
single story you can imagine
now the key is
you can pause any any good movie and say
what does the hero want and if the
audience can't answer you got a bad
movie
so if i were to look at your life and
pause it
and say what does lewis want
and we don't know
and to be honest lewis doesn't know
louis is having a bad life experience
wow and he will tell you so if you don't
know what you want
if you don't if you can't identify
remember i said earlier i want three
things i want
goose hill to operate is a family home
i want business made simple to be taught
in universities
i want to build a middle class
if you pause don's life there are three
he's involved in three stories there's
zero chance for an existential vacuum if
you're involved so if you don't know
what you want
what happens if you don't know what you
want or if you have not joined a
movement that wants something that has a
mission you have what viktor frankl
calls an existential vacuum and what i
call a narrative void a lack of story in
your life and the lack of story is
boring not only lack of stories boring
lack of story is dangerous
because uh
you're standing around on set and the
other actors are doing something and you
have no role to play here
it's extremely dangerous it's going to
lead to you know a mental health
breakdown
you know so
the key is to get something going that i
call narrative traction
and narrative traction happens when you
become interested in your own life again
and the only way you can get narrative
traction and become interested in your
own life is to actually set an objective
before you which opens a story question
will don be able to run the marathon
will the company be able to make a
profit this year will will the woman of
my dreams marry me
will we be able to finish this book will
we
that if there is no story question in
your life you have no narrative traction
and you're going to end up in an
existential void how do you
define what you want if you don't know
what if you're like well i don't know
what i want or i want
i have so many ideas i want these 10
different things okay well that's
another lesson right there if you want
10 different things your movie's not
going to work out
you know if if jason bourne wants to
know who he really is and also lose 30
pounds and also marry the girl and also
adopt a cat but he wants to do it
ethically because he travels a lot we
have ruined the movie we've absolutely
ruined the movie and so there are a lot
of people who are stimulation junkies
they just want to be stimulated
so if you just want to be stimulated
that's not a you know if you went to a
movie about somebody who just wanted to
be stimulated so they're getting drunk
they're getting laid they're doing all
this kind of stuff you watch that movie
you would be watching a movie that was
hopeless you would be saying i feel so
sorry for this guy
right
but when that person says this is
meaningless
what i actually want to do is be an
entrepreneur and build a business
and prove to my dad that i really didn't
have to go to college now we got a story
now we got a story but you've got to
write that down and you've got to put
together a plan and pursue it every day
if you if you choose too many things
your the story is hard to follow and
it'll be hard for you to follow how many
things
can
how many things can we choose in a year
in a year
well i think we have like a health story
my health story this year is going to be
this my business story and my family
relationship story is that too much no
you just said it the answer's three
three yeah so the human brain loves
three mm-hmm
i don't know why it loves three i'm sure
there's been some studies
four
might also work five won't work
we've you know over and over even in
sales if you give people three options
they'll choose one if you give them four
they'll choose flight life you give them
five they won't choose any
so the brain can really prioritize about
three things in a in a month and a year
and a how long i wouldn't put a timeline
on it okay you know i you know i would
just say
these are the three things that i want
to do when one of them is done you
retire that story you plug in another
one interesting and i really like
i like the whole health
relationships career yeah i mean i like
that that trinity it's in um rory vaden
our friend has a
book called procrastinate on purpose
yeah he's like you know you might have a
lot of goals and dreams but what is the
most important thing that you want to do
right now and then kind of put these in
the background and procrastinate it
until it becomes until you accomplish
the main thing and then the next 100
agree with that in fact
there's a planner in the back of the
book and there's in the back of the book
there's a daily planner it's actually a
morning ritual you fill out you and you
identify your top three priorities and
then there's literally another line that
says secondary tasks yeah because you
don't want to confuse picking up the dry
cleaning with working on the book right
right right go with wrinkled clothes but
don't not finish the book do the main
thing first yeah exactly exactly
um when did you write your eulogy first
i wrote my eulogy about 10 years ago
what did that do for you when you did it
it gave me incredible clarity about what
my life needs to become incredible
clarity
yeah writing my eulogy told me what
direction my life needed to go
and
i i read it i edit it
pretty frequently
how is it different from 10 years ago to
now oh it's completely different uh in
10 years i've realized how much a human
being can do
and uh it was
it was a they were they were small
visions 10 years ago and now they are
not small visions really what were they
like 10 years ago oh it's like you know
get out of debt maybe write a book
someday now it's fix the government
right
change the world yeah yeah change the
world wow yeah so uh and those and those
are all 100 completely
doable you know these are things that we
can do in our lifetimes wow
so how often do you read it
about four times three to three to five
times a week
but about four times actually there's
software that my team has created and
you can click i read my eulogy and it
will literally count the number of times
you've done it
that's it so it gamifies it that's
pretty cool yeah why do you think it's
important to read it frequently
there's two reasons one is as i said
earlier it directs your life
two and this is an even bigger reason it
reminds you that you're gonna die
[Applause]
there's something
unbelievably
sobering
about
recognizing the fact that your story is
going to end you're going to leave the
planet and you're not coming back yeah
you're not coming back i think it's the
country of bhutan that is the happiest
country in the world
and the reason one of the reasons that
they say is because they think about
their death either three or five times a
day they think about their death many
times a day and they're considered the
happiest country in the world there's
actually an app called we croak
that reminds you how much time you got
it reminds you three or five times a day
you're going to die it says you're going
to die
and then it gives you i love that app
and it gives you an inspirational quote
to reflect on the positive of life
so i didn't know about that app but i
love that it's called we
croak i think it's called we quote or we
croak
and uh it's just a simple app just pings
you three times a day there's my guys my
development team i've asked them and
it's all it's up to them i don't control
them but i've asked them
do you think on the eulogy page you can
actually have a countdown timer based on
the average life expectancy of the
country that you live in that's crazy
yeah i think you know how much time i've
got left you said 30 years right yeah
two lucy's
two lucy's two lucy's
lucy was my chocolate lab oh man and she
lived to be 14 years old
and
my wife called her my first wife because
lucy and i were married before bets and
i were married oh man
and we put her down two saturdays ago oh
man and it was absolutely heartbreaking
oh and when i sit there i met lucy i
think when i came back oh man yeah and
you know and we've got photos with you
and lucy i think yeah i mean lucy was a
rock star i mean i took her she was she
was literally my my companion she taught
me so much about she got me to betsy
and then she got betsy and i had two
emmalines oh man and she had a you know
a big tumor terrible arthritis and
finally the vet said yes look you know
you're hitting that point where you're
actually
punishing her to keep her alive and
lower so we i made the right decision
wow 15 years though huh
would be a little over 14 years man so
when i think about when i brought lucy
home
to when we said goodbye to lucy so much
happened louis but the reality is i
have two more of those that's insane to
think about yeah like i can get
one more puppy and i'll have the same
painful and beautiful and wonderful
experience and then one after that and
then we will be put down together oh my
god
i mean if you could extend your life
longer that's great maybe you have three
is what you're saying like if i can't
get it
maybe i mean they invent some sort of
drug or whatever but yeah what's that
what's the life expectancy
78.5 and i'm hoping to make 80 and and
you know everything
icing on the crate right you know uh you
know a lot of people who are in their
hundreds i don't think i'm going to be
one of them but a lot of people yeah we
might be able to make it but wow two
losses yeah there's a guy uh do you know
nas daily have you heard of this guy
he's a video creator
who um
did a video day a day for like a
thousand days in a row and he's got a
you know i don't know
50 or 100 million followers on facebook
and instagram and
creates all these viral videos
around the world explaining different
things and he
wears the same t-shirt every day
the exact same shirt he's probably got
100 of them but it says 34 percent of
life left or he's used he's used 34 of
his life so every year he adds
percentage in the same shirt
reminds people watching him and reminds
himself how much of his life he has
lived
and it creates amazing wisdom doesn't it
and it creates urgency and it focuses
you on what's important and your mission
and your goals and you don't live
distracted if you're like well i've
lived a certain percentage i only have
this much left
so that that attention on the eulogy or
the shirt or whatever is me or the we
croak app something to have our
attention on our death i'm hearing you
say is important it is and you know
there's something betsy and i just made
a decision the other day i can't
remember what the opportunity was but it
was a really big financial opportunity
and um
we said look you know it's it's one day
that you don't get to see your daughter
you know is it worth it and even this
i'm in la i live in nashville flew out
this morning i'll be in bed tonight
right see her tonight yeah you know
could you just go but you know if we
didn't die
yeah of course i'm going to go make that
money right you got forever
yeah you know so it creates this real
beauty of urgency and also you start
going well if i'm going to die and i
can't take any money with me
maybe i should pay my employees more
right maybe i should maybe i should go
not chase that money because
the reality is you know
of what i want is emily to to when she's
80
to go to goose hill and explain to her
children and her grandchildren what
happened here
and if i'm on an airplane
what needs to happen here for her to do
that won't happen mm-hmm so i gotta be
home right and without death i don't
think i would have that realization
and without her
you probably would have gone and did the
money thing or whatever
and been gone for the day because you'd
be like well there's no child here so i
can go and make this money and yeah and
you know there's seasons but there's
just practical stuff life insurance
policies yeah preparing financially you
know
m-line will live to be they're saying
our kids are going to live into their
hundreds that's correct that's where
technology is going
so if if if i make it to 80 mlein's 30
when i pass away she's going to do 70
years without dad wow
70 she by the time she dies she will not
really remember what i look like oh my
gosh she will have she will have all
together
12 seconds worth of memories at one time
of the 30 years that i spent with her
12 seconds why is that that's what the
brain thinks about your think about time
right now think about the seconds that
you can remember spending with your dad
that crazy you know
they're just little moments like when
you pass you the popcorn at the game
right now they're just literally these
little milliseconds
i'm not gonna
risk a chance to
create some of those embed those in her
brain yeah it's not worth it what do you
think is the biggest mistake you've made
that i've made
thought of myself as a victim
for 10 years
lost lost a decade
yeah i lost a decade which 10 years
certainly very late teens through late
20s
you know i did get a i did get two books
out during that time so victims don't
get books done right right but i was 387
pounds you know i'm 210 now that's
amazing um thanks
do you know what one of the main reasons
i was 387 pounds i was subconsciously
convinced that if my life were so
miserable and i couldn't control myself
a rescuer would come and help me
wow and when i realized you know what
what happened that you were the rescuer
well partly but what happened was i
suddenly realized that chicks didn't
like victims right right
and everything went
oh we're done being a victim because i
really would like to have some nice
conversations with some girls yeah
when you realize like everything that
you think you're going to get by
thinking of yourself as a victim you're
not going to get
the person who gets that is the person
who's actually heroic
you know who's humble honest and willing
to transform
you know realizes they don't have the
capability to get this thing done and so
they transform what i don't what i don't
like or i'm not super comfortable with
our books and ideas that say you are
enough
you're not enough
if you if you are an unhealthy person
you're not enough to be in a healthy
relationship you have to change what
we're trying to avoid there is judgment
but here's the key let's admit we're not
enough and leave the judgment out of it
let's admit you know what i'm not enough
to be in a healthy relationship but i
get to change and changing is fun and
it's exciting and i can't wait to see
who i become
but you know
we have to hold this idea that we're not
there yet
and a lack of judgment
at the same time yeah and then we have
this really fun meaningful life in which
we get to transform i like that a lot
yeah i wouldn't say you're not enough i
would say it's okay to not be enough
but but you're not enough
you know instead of saying like
you are enough and you've got everything
let's actually say you're not enough and
that's okay yeah like do you want to
change
yeah that wouldn't change okay let's go
on a journey together
it sounds like um
yeah you're not enough and this is where
maybe the story begins that that's
exactly it you're not enough it's okay
you don't need to beat yourself up you
are not yourself so what does that make
possible right it makes a beautiful
story possible when you become enough
right what you can overcome it just
means you have an opportunity to
overcome something can you imagine if um
the king's speech which won a an oscar
great movie great movie can you imagine
the king's speech you know he he speaks
with a slight stutter and the the drama
teacher meets with him once in the
stutter's gone
right
he does not win an oscar right
great stories that we get to experience
are stories about us overcoming
deficiencies right challenges so thank
god you have a deficiency now you have
an opportunity to make something really
cool happen in your life
you know and to get to experience it not
just watch it get to actually experience
it
so you think the biggest mistake was
being a victim for 10 years
what was the biggest lesson you learned
about yourself in those 10 years
well i mean you know the biggest lesson
i learned myself is is if you think
about yourself as a victim there is no
happiness do victims get a benefit from
being a victim yeah they attract
resources
they um they shirk responsibility
other people have to do their work
uh that's the
that's the attractiveness of being a
victim and if you learn both victimhood
and villainy are coping mechanisms
they're they're how we cope with really
hard things
um neither of them are productive the
only thing that's productive is saying
okay i i
this is a hard thing
i accept it
i accept the dynamics that are in play
here i do not deny them i do not reject
them let me grieve a second
now let me engage heroically and
transform into the person that it takes
to conquer this thing
and that could take years you know
when is the earliest someone can become
a guide
well uh you could become a guide at
roughly one year old right i mean any
time that you have a little sibling
because it's always in you it's always
in you you know
um
the biggest
sort of big transformation becoming
guide would probably be parenthood
when you when your heart is suddenly
right there
and you want everything
for this kid
and you want to leave a legacy that's
probably the biggest transformation but
anytime that you realize
i like accomplishing things but it's not
fun to accomplishing to accomplish
things if i'm doing it alone i want to
take other other people with me
then that's that's guide characteristics
yeah
where do you think you'd be if you would
have had your daughter 10 years ago
well i'm i'm always glad that things
happen when they happen because i just
don't feel like i would have been ready
sure um betsy you know we we had a baby
when i was 49 i turned 52 months later
and i actually asked betsy i said you
know
what do you think of
if i'd have done this so much younger
and she said i'm actually grateful that
you're you're where you are
and i said well you know and i thought
you know i thought we'd have more money
or whatever you know if you had it
younger
i would have still been in my angsty
like i will conquer
you know the kids irritating me because
i've got this thing i've got to get done
and i've got to prove myself and
that doesn't happen so i'm i'm grateful
for that i was great story as i was
getting on a
flight on southwest airlines out of
phoenix two weeks ago three weeks ago
and um
betsy facetimes me now you know when
you're getting on southwest airlines
you're like bumper to bumper i mean
there's touching me so betsy facetimes
me she was i said hi babe i'm i'm uh at
the airport she goes okay well i just
want to give you an update um everline
still hasn't pooped
and everybody
is just rolling i mean they're just
having so much fun they're like please
tell us whether she poops you know
because they're all parrots
and yeah i get a phone well now we've
broken ground right now we're all
talking and the gentleman in front of me
had his first kid when he was 17 years
old he's now in his 60s oh my gosh 17
years old she was 15.
and they are still married he's in his
60s wow so the stories out there right
and i said well you know um i didn't
have my first kid so i was 50 basically
and i said there are pros and cons and
he said to me there are no cons
there are no cons to waiting to your 50s
they're no cons period he said stop it
wow you know i thought that was really a
nice thing to say because he had when he
was a teenager you got it when you're 50
yeah actually so there are no cause
there's no cops you get to be a parent
it's beautiful
no downside
that's pretty cool what do you think
will be your greatest lesson
of being a father
by the time your daughter is in college
let's say if she goes to college what do
you think will be the last thing you'll
need to learn that's a question victor
frankel always asks he says look look to
the end of the day or the month of the
year
and try to figure out what you're going
to regret
and then don't do it right right don't
do it beforehand yeah yeah i think um
the lesson that emeline is teaching me
and then i still have a healthy dose
uh
that i'm in need of is that life is not
about me
really at all
you you need to remind yourself of that
as well yeah
you know it's really much more of a we
story than a me story
you know in the end yeah i really think
i hope that there's a spirit world on
the other side of whatever
someday i want to write a book called
the faith i keep
and each chapter
will be the same it'll say i'm 73
certain there's an afterlife i'm point
three percent certain impressing
religious people will get you into
heaven
these will be the chapter titles um but
i think that i hope that there's a
spirit world on the other side of what
we're experiencing and i hope in that
world we really understand oneness
you know that we are we i would have my
own identity but somehow we would be one
i feel like that
when i think about what the broken
nature of the world is to me that got
broken
that i realized this person in india
who's a different color in a different
you know class system and different
country in a different language
is is we're one
and i need to care for that person as
though i would i were caring for myself
do you believe there's a spirit world
after this i'm 62 percent certain
after this is there a spare world within
us
i will say this
it it this is an absolutely magical
experience right
i mean what what is what we are getting
to participate in
is mind-blowing we're just used to it
but it's mind-blowing
so the idea that we could be born into
this mind-blowing narrative that's
happening and the ex the exposition of
this whole you know the set and the i'm
talking about earth
you know suspended
in time and space infinite universe yeah
and physicists are already telling us
that there are there's geographical
places it has to do with how fast you're
traveling where time doesn't exist
it's just a physical fact in the
universe there are places where where
time doesn't exist the black holes and
all that so
it's a trippy world trippy so why would
it be any less trippy if when
when i put lucy down
she goes to a place where time doesn't
exist and quote waits for me but she's
not inside of time so she's not waiting
at all
that
the laws of physics say that's actually
completely and totally possible
that's not any more trippy than what you
and i are sitting here doing right now
it's just a complete miracle then a a
sperm and an egg coming together and
creating life yeah
like you know how does a little sperm
make a brain make a heart like all these
things dude it's the most it's the
craziest experience when you're in the
operating room and betsy needed to do a
c-section because she wasn't uh the
doctor just wanted to do a c-section for
for good reason
um
it was literally like an alien abduction
i was just like this is the life just
came out of
her belly here yeah it was the most
crazy experience
what did something change for you when
you saw your daughter for the first time
well you know they talk about how you
just fall completely and madly in love
when you when you first see your child
um
i think that happened for me
slowly over the first week
but i was too maybe narcissistic because
i was just so insecure about whether i
was going to do a good job with this
thing one of the big feelings that i had
you're the first person i mean told
betsy this
but one of the big feelings that i had
uh was i was afraid that this kid wasn't
going to like me oh
you're talking about past trauma wow
yeah so
you know
gosh three days in
when i walked in the room and she could
since i was in the room and the big
smile came across her face was one of
those healing moments oh my gosh you're
like my childhood happens every time
every time every time i walk in the room
and see her pick her up a giant smile
it's one of the most healing things you
could possibly be incredible it's
totally incredible it's a gift of god
it's a gift from god it has to be
what do you think i'm 87 certain it's a
gift from
what do you think will be uh the thing
you need to heal the most in the next 10
years i would like to continue to
accomplish
really awesome things because it's fun
and i would like to need less credit i
would like to need less credit even
even subconsciously i would like to need
less credit for the things that i get to
participate in why is it important for
us to receive
credit and why is it valuable to need
less of it well to some degree it's
justice to receive credit appropriately
for the things that you do but isn't it
an incredible strength
when you can do something
and not even feel emotionally the need
you're just like that's actually really
good for the world i'm glad that that
happened
you know and i think you know as we get
older
maybe we
you know
that becomes easier and easier but i
would like it bugs me
it bugs me that i need credit i need
more credit than
uh i want to need really yeah it just
kind of bothers me
i would like to not be preoccupied with
it
wanting the credit or the validation
yeah i would love to be able to write
books and release them and not really
care
what any amazon review says interesting
i actually don't read amazon reviews but
i would like to not want to
i would like to i would like to just
love the work
and actually think i would be a better
writer if i and i do love the work but i
would like to just love the two hours
that i get to spend every morning
writing
and then whether or not it even gets
published matters very little to me
i think i'm a long way from that have
you ever wrote uh with a pen name
no have you have you done that lewis no
but i mean is this the secret reveal no
i'm just saying but i'm not like a true
writer that's not something i do every
day yeah
but
i'm just curious if that's a challenge
you'd be open to one day even if it's
just writing an article just without
your name on it and no one knew you
wrote it totally or a book that no one
knew you wrote it yeah and you couldn't
do interviews about it you just had to
release it
and just like oh i saw this cool book i
don't know who wrote it but i thought it
was pretty cool i i yeah i've actually
had the secret thought that it would be
really fun to write um like religious
romance novels that are just so cheesy
and so sultry
but they would you would try to sell
that mark because you know they're all
these ladies are thinking about this oh
yeah you have 50 shades of grey but the
religious but the religious versions
that's right i like the youth pastor
yeah so no i uh um
i think that would be hilarious and fun
but that would have to be under a pin
name right right you could get zero
credit you just know people are enjoying
it out in the world and you could just
that's it yeah but i wonder if if like
they were so popular i would break down
it's me it's me but i don't know who
knows
no i'm not gonna do that
that's not one of my three stories yeah
yeah i got two lucy's left yeah exactly
but it'd be cool to do some challenge
you know at some point in the next 10
years where whether it's an article or a
series or a book or something where you
didn't put your name on it yeah i like
that challenge you're really good
at
taking somebody else and being their
cheerleader and propping them up yeah i
made a conscious decision because i
think i had
part of that in my 20s or a part of that
a lot of that where i wanted to be
validated
and then when i hit 30 something changed
i went to a you know something similar
like on-site i went to my own emotional
intelligence training workshop for
many weekends over four months that put
me through the craziest life experiences
and
journeys to help me reflect on every
part of my life
it was kind of like a social experiment
on healing in relationships and
parenthood and all these different
things
and
i decided i started the school of
greatness right around that time and i
remember thinking i want to
do more good in the world and i want to
interview my smart friends that i have
right
and i would ask a few friends about like
okay i'm thinking of doing a podcast
this is when no one knew what a podcast
was this was nine years ago it would be
nine year anniversary coming up this
month you were in you were an early
adopter to say the least people you had
to tell people okay yeah i would go over
your five years ago
you have to go download this thing it
was on itunes back then like people
didn't even know how to play them yeah
it was very hard
anyways i remember asking people you
know what do you think i should call the
name of the podcast
and they're like let's just call like
the lewis house show or this and this
and i go i think this is an opportunity
for me to not make it about me
not that there's anything wrong calling
your show your name i think it's
so you wanted it to be bigger than you
and you wanted to outlive you i wanted
to be bigger than me and i and i and
maybe it wasn't smart personal
branding-wise but i was like
i don't want this to be about me
i want it to be about the people that
are coming on who are servicing the
world in a big way and me as a
facilitator
but it doesn't need to be my show it's
the show of the most brilliant or the
most
you know interesting people in the world
that i can get on
and interview and ask them those
questions so i decide and the school of
greatness was um
all the things i wish i would have
learned in school because school was
extremely difficult for me being in the
special needs classes my entire
no i why were you in specialties classes
as part of the just growing up dyslexic
and i was and then when i went to
middle school they started
they started ranking you on your grade
no no no yeah this was
that's terrible so they rank you based
on your class members
like where you were ranking in the class
and so middle school was the worst
possible time so i remember i was always
in the bottom four
and so i would just see
this confirmation of you're not enough
like you're stupid you're you know
you're not intelligent you're not smart
enough as everyone else around you
and being in the special needs classes
it took me seven years to finish college
like all these different things just
confirmed you know you're not smart
enough was what is the story that i told
myself
until i realized wow i'm actually really
wise and i have skills in other areas of
life that aren't from reading a book and
testing well you know doing homework
well like i wasn't good at that
structure
and i wish they would have taught me how
to approach you know uh relationships i
wish they taught me how to heal i wish
they taught me how to deal with failure
i want to be creative how to be creative
how to make money like all these
different things
and i was like that's what i learned
some of that stuff through sports and
then i learned a lot of it from just
interviewing mentors after school i was
like i wish the world knew this let me
call it called the school of greatness
yeah
and i and i wanted it to be about
everyone else not about me and so that's
kind of the journey there you know some
people call that humility i call it
health
health yeah
i i it's just a an understanding of
where you fit in the world yeah and it's
it's it's this two things
simultaneously
i can have a really big impact
and i'm not the most important thing i
don't have to be the center of attention
right and we see you've seen it you've
seen a lot of times people who build
communities
in order to be the center of attention
and you see how they implode right you
know i would say to some green hopefully
he's much healthier now adam newman did
that with wework
and you saw it implode but really he's
building this huge thing because he had
a deficiency in community and feeling
loved and you drove drove drove drove
but when you drive out of your wounds
the whole thing breaks apart
what should we be driving out of instead
driving out of a desire to be have a
mutually beneficial relationship with
the world
right i want to enjoy this and i'm not
going to i talk in this book about how
important it is to have some sort of
selfish motivation
involved in your objective
otherwise you're a liar
right because we only do things that
benefit us but then when you realize
that's empty you things start becoming
mutually beneficial right the win-win
yeah you know one of my favorite movies
ever and we're just through the season
where it came on is uh it's a wonderful
life
and if you look at that movie the lead
character of course is brought around by
an angel to be shown
what the world would look like if he
were never born you know and what you
realize in that movie as you watch his
life is that
he's very disrespectful to his wife he's
he's very uh
short tempered with his kids
he uh gets frustrated with the sort of
people that he lends money to
he's normal
right and he changes the whole world he
makes it a better place i think we're a
little hard on ourselves
when we say we've got to be perfect or
we've got to be saints in order to
change the world you can be totally
normal and get irritated with your kids
and change the world you know watch it's
a wonderful life he's not a perfect guy
right i think it was wayne
dyer who talked about how so many of the
people that ended up changing the world
were
school teachers were yeah
janitor or something like that where
it's like they weren't
presidents out doing something they were
ordinary people like wayne dyer was a
teacher for many years and he was like i
didn't know that i knew he's i think he
was a teacher for like 10 or 20 years
and then he was like and i love or he
was a therapist was he a therapist or a
teacher or one of those i would assume
he was a psychologist yeah i think maybe
it was a therapist but it was like
he was explaining in one of his audio
books that i was listening to that
i think mother teresa was just
something and uh
or she was a nun i guess but then um
gandhi i think was a teacher something
like that was like these people that go
off and do extraordinary things don't
always start out that way they kind of
have humble jobs and humble like
missions and then it just grows and
expands you don't have to have the
intention of being the president or
being some billionaire ceo to change
lives yeah so i think that's interesting
that and each of those people you know
you know if you look at like mohandas
gandhi and and you mentioned mother
teresa
and dr king
what a lot of people don't realize about
dr dr king is he always 100 felt like he
was in his father's shadow he always
felt
deficient
that his father was actually the big man
the guy yeah leading the church and yeah
so really what made dr king dr king and
what made mother chase meditation made
gandhi gandhi was not them
it was the actual mission
that's where they blew up when they
realized well i've gotta i've gotta stop
the what's happening in the civil rights
you know push back to the civil rights
movement i gotta stop that what's
happening in the british colonialism is
taking place in india got to stop what's
happening on the streets of calcutta
you know these are just normal people
who put themselves into a mission and
that's why we all know their name it's
not them
it's that they
stepped into a story and the story
transformed them into heroic characters
with everything that's happening in the
world in the last couple years where do
you think will be the biggest need over
the next decade or two decades in the
country but also in the world from
this the
the social media revolutions that are
happening the pandemic stuff that's
happening the governmental stuff that's
happening here and also around the world
what's the biggest need
that we will need as for heroes to step
into we have to de-incentivize tribalism
de-incentivize tribalism what does that
mean
well if you watch you know fox news or
msnbc to some degree cnn
um really what's happened in the 24-hour
news cycle is news stations have chosen
a confirmation bias to exploit
so they know fox news hates joe biden
they hate barack obama let's paint those
guys as enemy and really tell these
people what they want to hear so that we
can sell advertising because you've got
to get eyeballs and that's what we're
going to get msnbc did the same thing on
the left
so they are literally incentivized to
divide the country and make you afraid
of people
and until you economically
de-incentivize that and i don't know how
you do that
there's no hope because what happens
when
two different media
you know
arms are competing against each other
and making the other ones wrong what
happens if they stop doing that
they lose ratings
yeah and the story sells
fiction
you know and and the other is out to get
you and gossip and yeah yeah and the
democrats or you know molesting children
under pizza that stuff sells
and people actually believe it right
right they actually believe it
and uh so is this where story hurts us
100
yeah the brain has a very difficult time
telling the difference between fiction
and non-fiction
and uh and so you can you can tell the
brain some really absurd stuff that
actually just makes no sense but it's
very hard for somebody's brain
to once they hear the story the story
feels really entertaining and really
clean
therefore it's got to be true right
and it takes probably a long time to
make it untrue and it takes a long time
to unravel it yeah yeah
you know so what you see in society is
the extreme left and the extreme right
they have the clearest narratives
but in reality narratives aren't
actually that clear
you know bill clinton was pretty well
known for saying look i'm not as great
as my fan sam it's not as bad as my
enemies say i'm a pretty boring guy
right
you know but now you tell that to
somebody on the far right they'll say no
he's evil
he's not evil come on gabriel you know
and and rush limbaugh was not evil you
know he's an opportunist he's making
money right you know you know what he
didn't want worse is anything worse for
the world you know so i think that once
if we can just
you know
once you understand how story works you
see how it's being used to manipulate
the masses
and i think we all need a little bit of
a healthy dose of cynicism when it comes
to engaging our media right now we also
need to go
you know one of the things to build the
middle class that i want to do we've
already created these flags they have a
bison on them because the bison almost
went extinct but america did something
about it and so the middle class will go
extinct if unless america does something
about it so that's why the bison is our
trademark how well it goes
what will happen if it goes extinct the
middle class is shrinking and shrinking
the poor getting poorer the wealthier
getting wealthier because that's the way
our tax code is set up
so once the middle class shrinks down
you won't have much of a labor force and
the labor force will move to probably
africa and it will be led by china so
that's what's happening in the world but
unless republicans and democrats can
actually see eye to eye and get along so
one of the things that we've we're doing
at build the middle class is we're
printing blue flags and we're planning
printing red flags but it's the exact
same flag so if you're democrat fly the
red flag if you're a republican fighter
blue flight but what you're saying about
flying that flag is i agree with the
republicans on these eight pieces of
legislation we've got to stop fighting
we've got to move forward
you know i work with a think tank in
washington dc called stand together and
we're working on some immigration stuff
they actually just bring me in to do
some messaging and um
so i went in and they explained the
situation they said don there are three
pieces of legislation
in the house right now if we pass them
we would have comprehensive immigration
reform we'd be done no longer an issue
76
of americans support the three pieces of
legislation whether you're republican or
democrat
here's the problem if a democrat is in
the white house the republicans won't
pass it and if the republicans are in
the white house the democrats won't pass
it because neither side neither side
wants to give the other side a win the
ego is correct and this has been
happening for 40 years
so this has been happening on
medicare medicaid social security reform
that's been happening on immigration
having on education reforms having a
criminal justice form it's happening on
uh clarifying and simplifying the tax
code so you got two
bodies
that hate each other so much
they would rather not let the other side
win for 40 consecutive years than give
america what it wants wow and what it
needs the solutions to our problems are
not complicated they're actually very
very simple it's just these two egos
won't actually sit in the same room and
get along with what if one said hey you
give us this one we'll give you the the
other one they try to do that stuff but
they hate each other so much now they
won't even meet what yeah i mean right
now currently we're in you know
right at the beginning of 2022
republicans and democrats won't get into
a room together you're talking about
like in the country or you mean in dc in
federal in d.c that's not happening they
won't get into the room no and just talk
it out no
they won't get in the room they're
because they're not incentivized to do
so right right
yeah yeah their base won't
doesn't want them to do that they're
based they're literally a significant
percentage of americans you know 15
percent
want to send somebody to dc just to hate
the other side rather than send somebody
dc to get
work done that would save us enormous
amounts of money and help us compete
with china you know it's a bad deal this
is my next story
what needs to happen in order for that
to be disrupted so that we there needs
to be a different person there needs to
be a platform
as though it's a presidential platform
in the middle
that both republicans and democrats can
sign on to
and then that platform needs 30 or 40
million petition signatures and probably
hundreds of millions of dollars to run
ads to support the people who and the
the narrative needs to change it needs
to change to this if you're an extremist
on the left or right and are unwilling
to compromise we don't want you here
if you can't i think in four years if
you can't pass
comprehensive
uh immigration reform or comprehensive
tax reform you're fired
if you paid a landscaper for four years
and never showed up and mow your own
lawn are you gonna keep paying them no
yeah why are we paying taxes when these
people won't get anything done right
it's ridiculous so you know that that
middle ground needs to be established
right now it doesn't have a voice or a
flag or a banner or a
or a petition or
a
white paper or a book
how much worse does it need to get in
order for that to potentially happen
yeah i think we're about two clicks away
two presidents what you mean or two uh
two clicks in terms of anger
i think uh
you know if if kamala harris were the
next democratic presidential nominee and
trump came back you would have
you would have uh
you know
the companies i the country is either
going to destroy itself or or the
country is going to
figure out a different path um yeah i
think we're really close we've talked
about a lot
from relationships to
heroes and
what's happening in the world the next
definitely the best interview i've ever
done that's good that's my that's my
intention that's my intention here on a
mission a path to a meaningful life
is out people can get this if they want
to have the framework the stories i
really like the part of writing your
eulogy you've got everything at the end
about creating a life plan for a one
year vision which is something i'm a big
fan of doing every year as well and
seeing that consistently
uh there's so much value in here
and you've been just consistent on
creating these frameworks in this
mission for so many years
that uh i think everyone needs to get
this book especially if you feel like
the last couple years has been a
challenge for you i want you to get this
book because it's going to give you
meaning it's going to give you purpose
and direction which i think a lot of
people need right now is direction in
their own lives hero on a mission get it
for your friends get it for your family
get it for yourself
it's going to really help you in a big
way
where can we follow you where can we
connect with you the most that you spend
the most time online you know um
you know the best place to follow me is
actually uh donald miller on instagram
because then you get to see pictures of
my baby there you go
and that's that's the
that's pretty fun i like that you have a
newsletter too right do you share a lot
more um
we have oh we have a podcast called
business made simple yes yeah no
newsletter but definitely a podcast
called business made simple and then we
really said on monday on thursday we're
starting a new series called hero on a
mission
and our first couple interviews will be
evan mcmullen
is on a mission to disrupt the two-party
system i i'm hopeful to get an interview
with sean brock the chef the james beard
award-winning chef
because he's on a mission to not disrupt
the restaurant industry you would
absolutely love sean brock you should
interview sean brown sean brock yes sean
brock you should eat his food too okay
you would
love sean brock okay cool he's in
nashville come to nashville bring your
equipment you can stay at our house i
have to come down there for a week when
my book launches
when is your book coming out end of
october i believe yes of this coming
this year oh yeah very good yeah yeah
what's it called no don't know yet
working title is the greatness mindset
okay yeah yeah that's the working title
so well um come to come to nashville uh
let us handle the whole thing we'll hook
you up with parnassus books okay which
is ann patchett's uh she was shortlisted
for the pulitzer or the nobel prize
whatever she's got a bookstore in
nashville so they can run route it
through there
we can literally
get buses from ooh i mean buses from the
bookstore straight to the carriage house
at goose hill and you can do an event
there oh man and it would be really
really fun that would be fun you would
you would love nashville bring your girl
i know i do like actually the guest
house is done in may so you guys can
just stay at the guest house she's
filming in atlanta so it's not too far
right it's four hours yeah maybe we'll
drive up there yeah
what's the one skill
you're gonna need to master over the
next few years to help you accomplish
these missions i think i've gotten
pretty good at it over the years but
quite honestly i'm gonna have to
start saying no to some really awesome
opportunity mm-hmm you just did this
last couple weeks yeah that's money one
right mm-hmm
yeah i'm gonna have to do a lot more of
that
and the more
you know you accomplish the more great
opportunities
isn't that the challenge like this
compounds doesn't it
it just compounds it is and then that's
why reading your eulogy is so important
because you don't you don't get the time
back i don't businessmadesimple.com
donald miller everywhere instagram is
the main place
uh twitter and facebook as well
make sure you guys get the book here on
a mission a path to a meaningful life uh
before i ask the final two questions i
want to acknowledge you donald even
though you're practicing not getting
um i want to acknowledge you for
your
your
really your vulnerability and your
honesty in the things that you want to
work on still and i think
saying you know what i still want to get
credit and i still have an ego here and
i still like this and wanting to work on
those things i think is really inspiring
so i acknowledge you for
being honest about all these things and
and having the vulnerability i
acknowledge you for having a child at 50
and stepping into him at this season of
your life
and seeing the value that'll come from
having a child and starting a family at
this time i acknowledge you for
healing and constantly being on a
healing journey because i think it's
hard to create meaningful work in the
world if we aren't healing ourselves and
on that journey and i know your three
big missions are going to take a healed
yeah husband and father and man
not a hurt man
uh in in kind of taking on those
missions
so i really acknowledge you in in having
a healthy body mind and soul you look
extremely young you look extremely
healthy and whole and so i really
acknowledge you for the incredible work
you've done to overcome all the
challenges in your life to get to this
point right now
and i'm very excited about this book and
your journey and i can't wait to see you
in nashville
um
this question is called the three truths
so it's a question
so imagine it's your last day on earth
many years away and we're getting you to
a hundred
so you got three lucy's
and uh
for whatever reason all of your content
is gone or it goes with you to the next
place and you don't get to
have any of your books or written word
or this interview it's it's not
available in the world anymore for
whatever reason it's gone
hypothetical and you get a piece on a
piece of paper and a pen you get to
write down three lessons that you would
share with the world three things you
know to be true from your life
experiences and this is all we would
have from you
of your content what would you say would
be those three truths that you would
share i would repeat
the truths that victor frankl put in his
book because i think he's smarter than
me
and i would say have a project that
engages your attention because it's
going to help you love life
don't do it alone
bring a community with you
and just know it's going to be hard and
that's a good thing
those are the three truths those are
beautiful
final question what's your definition of
greatness my definition of greatness is
is that
what i hope that happens at my funeral
is that
people talk more about
how i encouraged what they were able to
accomplish
and less about what i was able to
accomplish
that's good
i love it like when you look back you're
never glad that you chickened out like
you're you never are that's the truth
and so yeah i think i don't want the
book to come across as like you know
i'm super brave this is my story the the
story is
the book is here are inspiring people
throughout history whose courage
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