How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful: The Harvard Business Review Guide

Summary

This video provides strategies for constructively and confidently disagreeing with authority figures, such as bosses or clients. It advises starting with a risk assessment, weighing the consequences of speaking up versus staying silent. Key tips include timing your disagreement, gathering support, and choosing a private setting. The video also emphasizes maintaining calm, staying neutral, using facts, and finding common ground to achieve shared goals. By being respectful yet firm, and acknowledging the authority figure’s decision-making power, you can express your opinions effectively while fostering open dialogue.

Takeaways

• 💼 It's important to assess the risks of not speaking up as well as the risks of speaking up, especially when disagreeing with someone more powerful.
• 🤔 Consider what opportunities or issues could arise if you don’t voice your disagreement.
• ⏳ Decide when and where to speak up, potentially waiting to gather facts, support, or a better environment for the conversation.
• 🤝 Establish a process for disagreements ahead of time, so there’s a clear way to share differing opinions constructively.
• 🧠 When expressing disagreement, restate the original idea to ensure the conversation stays focused on your ideas rather than misunderstandings.
• 👍 Ask permission to voice your disagreement, which helps your superior feel in control and makes the conversation less confrontational.
• 🎯 Connect your disagreement to a shared goal or objective that both you and the authority figure care about.
• 😌 Stay calm and project confidence, using slow and deliberate speech to maintain a neutral and respectful tone.
• 🗣️ Avoid using loaded or judgmental adjectives to keep the discussion focused on solving the problem rather than on people.
• 👏 Acknowledge the authority of the other person in making the final decision while confidently stating your opinion.

Q & A

What is the main purpose of the video script?

The main purpose of the video script is to provide advice on how to disagree constructively and confidently with someone more powerful, such as a boss or an authority figure, in a professional setting.

Why is it important to assess the risks of speaking up before disagreeing with someone in authority?

Assessing the risks is important because it helps you weigh the potential consequences of speaking up versus staying silent. This helps you decide whether raising your disagreement is worth it, especially if there might be negative repercussions.

What does communication expert Joseph Granny suggest about focusing on risks?

Joseph Granny suggests that instead of only focusing on the risks of speaking up, you should also consider the risks of not saying something, such as missed opportunities or potential negative outcomes if the issue is not addressed.

When might it be appropriate not to voice your disagreement with a superior?

It might be appropriate not to voice your disagreement if the authority figure is known to be vindictive, or if your workplace has a history of punishing people for speaking their minds. In such cases, the risks of speaking up might outweigh the benefits.

How can waiting before expressing your disagreement be beneficial?

Waiting before expressing your disagreement can be beneficial as it allows you time to research facts, understand the full picture, gather support from colleagues, and find the right environment or timing to have the conversation, which strengthens your case.

Why is it recommended to establish a disagreement process ahead of time with a superior?

Establishing a disagreement process ahead of time helps create an understanding of how disagreements should be handled. It provides a clear path for sharing differing opinions in the future and makes the superior more receptive since they have already agreed to the process.

What is the significance of restating the original idea or proposal before expressing disagreement?

Restating the original idea ensures that the conversation focuses on your disagreement rather than a misunderstanding of the initial proposal. It demonstrates that you have carefully listened and understood the original point before presenting your opinion.

How should you connect your disagreement to a shared goal?

You should connect your disagreement to a shared goal by aligning your opinion with something both you and the authority figure care about, such as the company's success, team morale, or an organizational objective. This approach keeps the discussion focused on mutual interests.

What strategies can help maintain a calm and confident demeanor when presenting your disagreement?

To maintain a calm and confident demeanor, breathe deeply, speak slowly and deliberately, stay composed, and project neutrality. This helps convey confidence and reduces the chance of escalating tension during the conversation.

Why is it important to avoid using loaded adjectives when disagreeing with a superior?

Avoiding loaded adjectives is important because they can come across as judgmental or confrontational, making the superior feel defensive. Sticking to factual language ensures that the focus remains on solving the problem rather than attacking the individual.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 How to Handle Disagreements with Authority

This section introduces the challenge of disagreeing with someone more powerful, such as a boss or client. It explores key considerations, such as deciding when and how to voice dissent, and provides an overview of strategies for constructive disagreement. The importance of a thoughtful risk assessment is emphasized, encouraging the reader to weigh both the risks of speaking up and staying silent.

05:00

📊 Assessing the Risks of Speaking Up

This paragraph highlights the natural human tendency to avoid confrontation due to fear of negative consequences, like rejection or professional failure. It discusses the need for a risk assessment when deciding to voice disagreements, suggesting that individuals often overestimate the risks of speaking up. The advice is to focus on the risks of not speaking up and consider the potential missed opportunities or negative outcomes if the issue is left unaddressed. A balance is needed between expressing one's opinion and assessing the working environment.

🕰️ Timing and Location: When and Where to Speak

This section addresses the importance of timing and setting when voicing a disagreement. It encourages individuals to wait for the right moment, allowing time to gather facts, consult with colleagues, and find a private environment for the conversation. By approaching the issue strategically, there is a better chance of achieving a favorable outcome, rather than causing tension in a public setting.

♟️ Strategizing What and How to Say

This paragraph provides detailed advice on how to approach disagreements, suggesting that it should be seen as a strategic conversation rather than a confrontation. It recommends restating the original idea to show understanding, asking permission to disagree, and connecting the disagreement to a shared goal. These tactics help to ensure the discussion remains productive and focused on mutual success rather than personal differences.

😌 Staying Calm, Humble, and Neutral

This part advises on maintaining composure during a disagreement. It suggests staying calm, using confident body language, and presenting arguments neutrally. The importance of humility is stressed, along with the need to avoid judgmental language that could provoke defensiveness. By staying focused on facts rather than judgments, it’s easier to keep the conversation constructive and solution-oriented.

💼 Acknowledging Authority while Standing Firm

Here, the advice focuses on how to respectfully acknowledge the authority of the decision-maker while still confidently stating your opinion. It emphasizes the balance between being firm about your stance and showing respect for the final decision-making power of the superior. This approach helps to maintain professionalism while making sure your viewpoint is heard.

📋 Key Takeaways: When and How to Disagree Effectively

This paragraph summarizes the main points of the script, reinforcing the idea that disagreeing may not be as risky as it seems and can prevent worse outcomes if done correctly. It also underscores the importance of gathering support, choosing the right setting, restating the original idea, and staying calm, neutral, and respectful while making your case. By following these steps, the conversation is more likely to remain productive and constructive.

Keywords

💡Risk Assessment

Risk assessment involves evaluating potential consequences before deciding to speak up. In the video, it's suggested to not only consider the risks of voicing disagreement with authority but also the risks of remaining silent. For example, if a client demands an unrealistic timeline, the risk of not speaking up could result in project failure or missed opportunities for the team.

💡Confrontation

Confrontation refers to facing a conflict or disagreement directly. The video emphasizes that people often avoid confrontation with superiors due to fear of negative repercussions like emotional rejection or professional failure. However, it advises evaluating whether the fear is justified or overestimated, as speaking up respectfully might not have as severe consequences as assumed.

💡Shared Goal

A shared goal is a common objective that different parties, like employees and their superiors, aim to achieve. The video suggests connecting your disagreement to a shared goal, such as improving company morale or meeting quarterly earnings, to shift the focus from personal opinions to collective success, thereby making your argument more compelling and less confrontational.

💡Permission to Disagree

Asking for permission to disagree is a strategy to ensure a respectful and constructive dialogue. The video advises this approach to allow the superior to opt into the conversation without feeling threatened. For instance, saying 'I’d like to lay out my reasoning, would that be okay?' shows respect for their position and opens the door for a more collaborative discussion.

💡Strategic Communication

Strategic communication involves planning and delivering your message in a way that maximizes impact while minimizing potential negative reactions. The video likens disagreement to a chess game rather than a boxing match, suggesting a careful, thought-out approach. For example, waiting to present your case until you've gathered facts and support is a strategic way to strengthen your position.

💡Emotional Management

Emotional management refers to staying calm and composed during a potentially tense conversation. The video recommends maintaining neutral body language, speaking slowly, and avoiding emotional triggers to project confidence and neutrality, thereby making your message more persuasive and reducing the chance of escalating the conflict.

💡Curiosity and Humility

Curiosity and humility involve being open to feedback and acknowledging that your perspective may not be the only valid one. The video suggests using phrases like 'I’m just thinking out loud here' or 'Tell me where I’m wrong' to invite dialogue and reduce defensiveness, thus encouraging a more open and productive exchange.

💡Neutral Language

Neutral language is communication that avoids emotionally charged words or judgments. The video emphasizes using facts over adjectives that could be perceived as critical or negative, such as saying 'prices are dropping' instead of 'making a big purchase now is hasty.' This helps keep the conversation focused on problem-solving rather than personal criticism.

💡Respectful Disagreement

Respectful disagreement means expressing a contrary opinion in a way that acknowledges the other person’s authority and perspective. The video advises stating your opinion clearly while also recognizing that the final decision rests with the superior. For instance, saying 'I know you’ll make the final call here' shows deference while still presenting your viewpoint.

💡Process for Disagreement

Establishing a process for disagreement refers to setting up an agreed-upon method for handling differing opinions before conflicts arise. The video suggests having a conversation with the authority figure ahead of time about how they’d prefer disagreements to be addressed. This preemptive step can make future disagreements less confrontational and more constructive.

Highlights

It's natural to avoid confrontation with a superior, but the risk of not speaking up could be more significant than the risk of speaking up.

Communication expert Joseph Granny advises focusing on the risk of not saying something, which could lead to missed opportunities or negative consequences later.

When deciding to speak up, assess both the risks of saying something and the risks of remaining silent.

If the person you're disagreeing with is known to be vindictive, it may not be worth speaking up, but in many cases, sharing your opinion is the right choice.

Timing is crucial: wait to speak up until you have gathered facts, built a stronger case, and possibly found colleagues who share your view.

A private meeting is less threatening than airing a disagreement in public, so find the right environment to discuss your concerns.

Restate the original idea or proposal clearly to avoid any confusion and ensure the conversation focuses on the new ideas, not misunderstandings.

Asking permission to disagree, such as 'Can I share my reasoning?' can help your superior opt into the conversation and feel less threatened.

Connect your disagreement to a shared goal, like company earnings or morale, to refocus the discussion on mutual interests.

Project confidence and neutrality by staying calm, breathing deeply, and speaking slowly during the conversation.

Stay humble by acknowledging that your opinion is just that—your opinion—and leave room for dialogue by inviting others to critique your thoughts.

State your case without using loaded adjectives, focusing on facts rather than judgments to keep the conversation focused on solving problems.

Acknowledge their authority with phrases like 'It's up to you,' while still confidently stating your opinion and being firm in your stance.

Setting up a process for handling disagreements ahead of time with the person can make it easier when a disagreement eventually arises.

Remember that speaking up constructively can help avoid worse outcomes in the future, and being strategic about timing and approach increases the chances of success.

Transcripts

let's say you disagree with someone more

powerful than you say your boss or your

boss's boss how do you decide if you

should say something

when and where to speak up

what to say

and how to say it i'm going to share

some advice to help you disagree with

that authority figure more

constructively and more confidently

[Music]

let's say your client is demanding an

unrealistic timeline or your senior

colleague wants your buy-in on that doom

to fail idea to decide if you should say

something at all it's helpful to first

do a risk assessment

it's natural to avoid confrontation with

a superior as humans we instinctively

steer clear of situations that we fear

might cause us harm emotional rejection

or professional failure but you might be

overplaying these risks chances are

you're not going to be fired or make an

enemy just for speaking your mind

especially if you do it the right way

most of us focus on the risk of saying

something but communication expert

joseph granny suggests we focus first on

the risk of not saying something what do

you stand to lose

what opportunities could you or your

team be missing out on what could happen

later if you don't raise this issue now

then think through realistically what

might happen if you voice your

disagreement

and ask yourself which is worse

you may decide speaking up truly isn't

worth it especially if they hire up is

someone who you suspect will be

vindictive or your workplace has a

history of punishing people for speaking

their mind but in many cases sharing

your opinion will be the right thing to

do

then you need to decide when and where

to share it

you may be able to build a stronger case

if you wait to share your disagreement

this will give you time to research

facts and make sure you understand the

full picture it can also give you time

to find colleagues who are on the same

page as you and their ideas and support

may bolster your case the delay will

also give you time to find the right

environment to have this conversation

where you meet matters a private meeting

with this powerful person may be less

threatening than airing your

disagreement in a more public space

once you've decided if when and where to

share your opinion it's time to get into

the nitty-gritty of what to say and how

to say it

communication expert holly weeks advises

us to remember this is not a boxing

match it's more like a chess game where

you need to be strategic to increase

your chances of success

while keeping everyone's integrity

intact on that note if possible it's a

good idea to establish a process with

this person ahead of time before there's

even a disagreement you might say we're

probably not always going to see eye to

eye and i was wondering how you want me

to share my opinion if it differs from

yours that way when a disagreement comes

up they've already told you how they'd

like you to handle it and they've given

you tacit permission to share your

opinion whether or not you're able to

lay that groundwork beforehand here's

what i recommend when you're planning

what to say first clearly restate the

original idea or proposal it may sound

unnecessary but you don't want the

conversation to be about whether or not

you understood the original message you

want it to be about your ideas also ask

permission to disagree like i'd like to

lay out my reasoning would that be okay

that may sound overly deferential but

it's one of those strategic moves that

allows your superior to opt into the

conversation without feeling threatened

plus when they say yes it has the added

benefit of boosting your confidence

before you share your opinion then and

this one is really important connect

your idea to a shared goal something you

both care about like quarterly earnings

company morale or creating an equitable

workplace the discussion can then be

refocused on accomplishing goals that

are in the teams or the organization's

best interests

not on the fact that you happen to have

a contrary opinion once you've figured

out what you're going to say you need to

think through how you're going to

present your argument and yourself in

this delicate

situation first stay calm this isn't

always easy but you want to project

confidence in neutrality anxious or

hesitant body language may undercut your

message so breathe deeply

speak slowly and deliberately trust me

you'll both be a lot calmer stay humble

your opinion is just that your opinion

and you should be upfront and

acknowledging that saying things like

i'm just thinking out loud here or tell

me where i'm wrong on this leaves room

for dialogue and invites curiosity

rather than defensiveness stay neutral

share only facts not judgments try this

experiment to see what i mean state your

case without using a single adjective

especially loaded ones for instance

instead of saying i think making a big

purchase now is hasty you might say we

can see that prices are dropping if we

wait a little while longer we may be

able to save some money avoiding words

like foolish naive and wrong

separates your critique from the people

involved and keeps it focused on the

problem that you're trying to solve

together be respectful and firm saying

something like i know you'll make the

final call here it's up to you puts the

ultimate decision in their court while

showing that you know where you stand to

be clear this isn't about backtracking

or undermining yourself it's a balancing

act and you want to be firm about your

opinion while acknowledging their

authority

okay that was a lot of information so

let me summarize

when assessing if when and where to

speak up remember the consequences of

disagreeing might not be so bad and

could be much worse if you keep silent

at the same time

wait to launch the discussion until

you've had time to gather support and

ideas so you can present the best

possible case

choose the right time and place in which

to have the conversation

when strategizing what to say restate

the original idea so they know you

understand what they proposed explain

that you have a different opinion and

ask if you can voice it

find common ground connect your

disagreement to a shared goal you both

want to achieve if you can

set up a disagreement process ahead of

time to make all of the above much

easier

when thinking about how to say it stay

calm breathe deeply and speak slowly to

keep everyone cool and collected

stay humble and curious enough to hear

critiques

stay neutral and avoid judgy adjectives

that can be upsetting and

counterproductive

be respectful but firm

acknowledge their authority in making

the final decision after confidently and

clearly stating your opinion thanks for

watching all of these strategies are

based on hbr articles and we'll put the

links in the description below

do you have a tactic that's worked for

you to disagree with someone more

powerful than you

or do you have a big topic you want us

to cover in the next hvr guide to video

comment below bye for now