Feeling Trust in Relationships | Rupert Spira

Summary

The transcript explores the theme of trust and security in relationships, suggesting that true trust should be placed in the unchanging and ever-present aspects of life rather than in the transient nature of human relationships. It delves into the concept of solipsism, questioning the limitations of the mind's knowledge and advocating for a shift in perspective towards an understanding of limitless awareness. The dialogue encourages embracing the infinite and ever-present nature of consciousness, which can lead to deeper, more authentic connections and a more fulfilling life experience.

Takeaways

• 😣 The inability to trust a friend due to fear of abandonment can lead to emotional distress.
• 🔒 Trust should be placed in that which is stable and unchanging, as opposed to the transient nature of relationships.
• 🧘‍♂️ The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-honesty and recognizing the impermanence of external relationships for emotional security.
• 🌟 The concept of investing one's identity and happiness in something secure and unchanging is introduced as a path to inner peace.
• 🤔 The speaker questions the reliability of the mind's knowledge, suggesting that it is limited and cannot provide absolute truth.
• 🤝 Despite the impermanence of relationships, the speaker does not discourage forming connections but advises not to rely on them for one's core sense of well-being.
• 💡 The idea that awareness or consciousness is unlimited and unchanging is presented as a foundation for a more secure and fulfilling life.
• 🌈 The speaker suggests that by not investing happiness in external relationships, one can actually enhance the quality and depth of those relationships.
• 🤔 The concept of solipsism is discussed, and the speaker argues against the belief that one's mind is the only mind, based on the inherent limitations of the mind.
• 🌟 The speaker encourages living life based on the experience of unlimited awareness, suggesting that this approach can lead to a more authentic and satisfying existence.

Q & A

What is the main theme discussed in the script?

The main theme discussed in the script revolves around the concept of trust, the nature of relationships, and the idea that one should only trust what is stable and unchanging, suggesting that true security comes from within and is not dependent on external relationships.

Why does the speaker suggest that it's not advisable to trust in relationships for security?

The speaker suggests that trusting in relationships for security is not advisable because relationships are inherently changeable and intermittent. They argue that true trust should be placed in something that is always present, unchanging, and reliable, which is not characteristic of human relationships.

What does the speaker mean by 'invest your security in that which is secure'?

The speaker means that one should place their sense of security and well-being in something that is constant and unchanging, such as one's own consciousness or awareness, rather than in external, variable elements like relationships or material possessions.

How does the speaker define 'trust' in the context of the conversation?

In the context of the conversation, the speaker defines 'trust' as the ability to rely on something that is always present, stable, and unchanging. It is the assurance that the object of trust will not disappoint or change in a way that affects the trust placed in it.

What is the implication of the speaker's view on relationships and personal security?

The implication of the speaker's view is that individuals should not rely on relationships for their core sense of security and happiness. Instead, they should develop a sense of self-reliance and find security within themselves, which can lead to healthier and more authentic relationships.

Why does the speaker argue that the mind's knowledge is not reliable?

The speaker argues that the mind's knowledge is not reliable because it is always changing, limited, and subject to the individual's perceptions and experiences. It is not a constant or absolute source of truth, and thus cannot be the basis for true trust.

What is the speaker's perspective on the nature of awareness?

The speaker posits that awareness is unlimited, ever-present, and does not have boundaries. They suggest that awareness is the only constant in our experience and should be the foundation upon which we base our trust and understanding of reality.

How does the speaker address the concept of solipsism in the script?

The speaker addresses solipsism by suggesting that the mind's limited perspective cannot provide absolute knowledge about reality. They argue that because the mind is limited, its beliefs, including solipsism, are not reliable and should not be the basis for understanding the nature of reality.

What practical advice does the speaker give regarding relationships and personal happiness?

The speaker advises to let go of the need to control or rely on others for happiness and security. They suggest embracing the understanding that true happiness and security come from within and are not dependent on external relationships or circumstances.

How does the speaker propose one should live their life in alignment with the understanding of unlimited awareness?

The speaker proposes that one should live their life by thinking, feeling, perceiving, and relating from the perspective of unlimited, ever-present awareness. This involves acting in a way that is consistent with the understanding that awareness is not limited and observing how one's experience responds to this approach.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Trust and the Illusion of Security in Relationships

The speaker discusses the challenges of trust in interpersonal relationships, highlighting the futility of relying on others for a sense of security. They emphasize that true trust can only be placed in something constant and unchanging, as opposed to the transient nature of human relationships. The speaker suggests that seeking security in relationships is a recipe for misery and that one should instead find security within oneself, recognizing the inherent instability of external connections.

05:02

💔 The Liberating Effect of Non-Attachment

This paragraph explores the idea that by not investing one's happiness or security in external objects or relationships, one can develop a healthier and more authentic relationship with the world. The speaker argues that this approach enhances one's capacity for love and intimacy, as relationships are no longer a battleground for personal egos seeking validation. Instead, they become a celebration of shared identity, leading to a more profound and fulfilling connection with others.

10:03

🤔 Challenging the Solipsistic View of Reality

The speaker addresses the philosophical concept of solipsism, which posits that one's own mind is the only mind in existence. They argue against this by suggesting that the mind, being limited, cannot have absolute knowledge about anything, including its own limitations. The speaker encourages questioning the assumption of solipsism by considering the nature of awareness and the limitations of the mind's knowledge, suggesting that awareness itself may be limitless and not confined to individual experiences.

15:15

🔍 The Infinite Nature of Awareness

In this paragraph, the speaker delves into the concept of awareness, suggesting that it is unlimited and ever-present. They challenge the listener to consider whether they have ever experienced a limit to their awareness and propose that it is more rational to assume that awareness is infinite rather than presuming it is limited based on the absence of evidence. The speaker encourages living in accordance with this understanding, as the experience that follows may serve as a testament to the truth of such a perspective.

Keywords

💡Trust

Trust, in the context of the video, is discussed as a reliance on something that is stable and unchanging. The speaker emphasizes that true trust should be placed in that which is always present and never changes, rather than in relationships or external objects which are subject to change and can lead to insecurity. The video suggests that investing trust in the transient aspects of life, such as friendships or relationships, can result in disappointment and unhappiness, whereas trust in the unchanging aspects of one's being can lead to a more secure and fulfilling life.

💡Awareness

Awareness is a central concept in the video, referring to the conscious perception of one's own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. The speaker argues that awareness itself is limitless and ever-present, unlike the thoughts and perceptions that come and go within it. The video suggests that recognizing the infinite nature of awareness can lead to a deeper understanding of reality and a more authentic way of living, as opposed to being confined by the limitations of the temporary, limited mind.

💡Solipsism

Solipsism is a philosophical idea that only one's own mind is sure to exist, and everything else might be a figment of one's imagination. The video script challenges this notion by suggesting that the mind, being limited, cannot have absolute knowledge about anything, including the existence of other minds. The speaker encourages the listener to consider that the awareness that perceives all experiences is singular and limitless, rather than multiple and confined.

💡Security

Security, in the video, is discussed in terms of emotional and psychological safety. The speaker suggests that seeking security in relationships or external circumstances is unreliable because these are subject to change. Instead, the speaker proposes that true security comes from investing one's identity and happiness in something that is unchanging and absolute, such as one's own awareness or consciousness.

💡Mind

The term 'mind' in the video refers to the limited, thinking aspect of human consciousness that is characterized by its changing thoughts and perceptions. The speaker contrasts the mind with awareness, suggesting that while the mind is temporary and limited, awareness is infinite and ever-present. The video encourages the listener to not rely on the mind for absolute truth but to explore the nature of awareness for a more profound understanding of reality.

💡Intimacy

Intimacy in the video is discussed in the context of close relationships, such as friendships or romantic partnerships. The speaker argues that while it is natural and healthy to engage in intimate relationships, one should not derive their sense of happiness or security from them. Instead, the speaker suggests that true intimacy and love can flourish when one's happiness is not dependent on the relationship but on the recognition of a shared, unlimited awareness.

💡Fickleness

Fickleness is used in the video to describe the changeable and unreliable nature of external circumstances and relationships. The speaker warns against investing one's sense of security or happiness in something that is fickle, as this can lead to disappointment and unhappiness. The term is used to emphasize the importance of finding stability and security in something that is unchanging and absolute.

💡Identity

Identity in the video is discussed in relation to where one places their sense of self. The speaker suggests that one's identity should be rooted in the unchanging and absolute aspects of their being, such as awareness, rather than in transient aspects like relationships or material possessions. This concept is integral to the video's message about finding true security and happiness.

💡Experience

Experience in the video refers to the perceptions, thoughts, and feelings that one encounters in life. The speaker distinguishes between the limited nature of individual experiences and the unlimited awareness that perceives them. The video encourages the listener to consider that all experiences, regardless of their content, occur within the same, singular awareness.

💡Reality

Reality, as discussed in the video, is not just the physical world but also the nature of existence and consciousness. The speaker challenges the listener to question their assumptions about reality, particularly the solipsistic belief that one's own mind is the only mind. The video suggests that a deeper understanding of reality comes from recognizing the limitless and ever-present nature of awareness.

💡Limitations

Limitations in the video are discussed in the context of the mind's inability to grasp absolute truth due to its temporary and changing nature. The speaker uses the concept of limitations to contrast the mind with awareness, suggesting that while the mind is limited, awareness is unlimited. This distinction is crucial for understanding the video's message about the nature of trust and security.

Highlights

The fear of lack stems from an inability to trust others, which is a fundamental issue.

Trust should be placed in something stable and unchanging, not in relationships that are inherently variable.

The concept of trust is explored through the lens of stability and presence, rather than changeability.

The idea that one can only trust something that is always present and never changes is introduced.

The speaker emphasizes that trust in relationships is a recipe for misery if they are seen as the ultimate source of security.

Investing one's security in something secure, like one's own consciousness, is recommended over external relationships.

The speaker suggests that true security comes from within and is not dependent on external circumstances.

The concept of solipsism is discussed, questioning the belief that one's mind is the only mind that exists.

The limited nature of the mind is contrasted with unlimited awareness, suggesting that the mind cannot provide absolute truth.

The speaker argues that the mind's knowledge is not reliable because it is always changing and not always present.

The idea that one's awareness is limitless and not confined to a physical location is presented.

The speaker challenges the notion of presuming limits to awareness without having experienced them.

The possibility that all experiences are happening within one singular awareness is explored.

The speaker suggests that the same awareness can experience an infinite number of perceptions over time.

The concept of basing one's life on the experience of unlimited awareness is proposed as a way to change one's experience.

The importance of leading one's life consistent with the understanding of unlimited awareness is emphasized.

The speaker concludes by encouraging the listener to base their actions and relationships on the experience of unlimited awareness.

Transcripts

now here have an example does they have a  really dear friend a very close friend who  

sees another friend who she's also a very good  friend whenever she sees the other friend I get  

completely reactive and she says you don't have  to worry about this and I absolutely and this  

has been going on for months and months a month  and I absolutely seem to be unable to trust her  

that she isn't going to leave or going away would  that be the fear of lack because I'm trying to get  

through the bond walk yeah you go quite right you  can't trust her bags I knew it I'm sorry to give  

you that that's not very reassuring news yeah  you have to be honest with yourself you can't  

trust her you can't trust it anybody now but  when I say that I don't mean that you can't  

trust your friend to to to to to be honest  to be and that's not what I'm saying well  

I'm saying something more more more absolute  more fundamental than that you can only trust  

something that is stable that never changes that  is always present Trust means I can always rely on  

this so if you want to trust something you have  to rely you have to trust that which is always  

present that which never changes that which is  not dependent on on the state of state of your  

mind for instance because to trust something that  is always vacillating that is moving and changing  

and appearing and disappearing it's madness to try  and trust something that is intermittent because  

when it's not present what are you trusting in  so to trust in anything a person an object and  

mind a body including your own mind and body  it is it is madness you have to trust what is  

reliable in your experience now I'm not speaking  relatively of course in in relationships that  

there's a level of craft and openness and honesty  please don't misunderstand me of course that is  

the case but if you really want to invest your  security in something you have to invest it in  

that which is secure to invest it in something  that is intermittent like a relationship with  

a friend is just a recipe for misery you have  to face that fact if you want security invest  

your security in that which is secure now what  is secure in your experience what has never left  

you down what has never been parted from you  what has never changed what has never moved  

what has never disappeared what has never judged  you what is secure in your experience I perfect I

consciousness to invest your identity your  security and your desire for happiness in  

anything other than that is madness it's  a recipe for unhappiness and you have to  

wear grown-up now you know we're not kids you  have to face that fact yeah your girlfriend  

your wife she might leave you so my mind all  of our friends are upon us we have no idea  

they might fall in love tomorrow and and leave  it's possible it happens all the time to to to  

invest one's security in something that is so  fickle now and actually fickle I don't mean the  

person the character but something that is  so fleeting something that is so changeable

thank you that's very helpful that this is this is  not a real I'm not I know you don't misunderstand  

me but please don't think that the implications  of what is being said is that we shouldn't have  

intimate relationships that we shouldn't commit  ourselves in marriage or have children no of  

course it's fine to do all of that but deep in our  hearts we know that that's of all a form it's a  

it's a convention we can do that if we want or not  but we should never really commit our hearts to  

anything other than that which is absolutely true  and real and strangely if we do that our capacity  

for for instance intimate intimacy in friendship  doesn't diminish it grows we are more able to have  

truly loving relationships my wife has just walked  in its lucky she wasn't here a few minutes ago

so that's the beauty of this is is that if we if  we if we don't invest our happiness or security  

in an object or a relationship it actually  gives us the right relationship to objects  

and others we actually are able to appreciate  objects more we are appreciate the world more  

we become more sensitive to the world and it  particularly in relationships our capacity  

to have truly loving intimate relationships  either in intimate relationship or just in  

friendship increases our friendships really  blossom as a result of this understanding  

because they are no longer a kind of  battleground between two egos trying to  

derive their sense of love and happiness from  the other they are a true celebration of our  

shared identity so let your friend go just  totally let her go do what she wants to do

this is something I struggle with from time to  time is there a way to disprove solipsism in my  

direct experience the way to disprove solipsism  is to come to the understanding that mind is  

mind as mind is limited therefore the mind cannot  have any true knowledge about anything when I say  

mind as mind I mean the stuff that the temporary  the the stuff that the limited mind is made of  

is unlimited awareness but from the limited minds  point of view the knowledge that the limited mind  

has is always a reflection of its own limitations  therefore nothing the mind knows is absolutely  

true that should be enough to let you know that  the minds belief that the solipsistic belief that  

my mind is the only mind there is is not reliable  knowledge nothing your mind knows is reliable it  

can be relatively true but don't rely on your mind  for for absolute truth my awareness is there any

how it feels like an inference that all experience  is happening within this one my awareness I'm  

aware of my experience within this singular  awareness but you know clearly I'm not aware that  

any of these other experiences could even exist  okay so when you say I am aware of my limited  

experience tell us what you know about that I am  aware not the limited mind that you are aware of  

but the one that is aware of it the I that am and  that is aware tell us about what you know of that  

one nice sense that it's let's see that it's here  where I am there's no I don't sense a boundary to  

it okay so if you don't sense a boundary to it  when you say it is here where I am what do you  

mean by here do you mean a physical location no  no perfect okay you don't send a sense of boundary  

to it you have no excuse you awareness have no  knowledge of a boundary in yourself so if you have  

no knowledge of a boundary in yourself how could  there be more than one awareness if there were  

two awareness is for instance then each of those  awarenesses would have to have a boundary yeah but  

I think that's that's what I'm saying is that have  you ever experienced a boundary to awareness know  

why presume there is one I I don't perfect yeah  that's good have you ever experienced a limit to  

the knowledge that your mind knows for instance is  your mind always present no is it is its knowledge  

stable does it always remain the same under  all conditions no how long does a thought last

a few seconds so the minds knowledge is not  reliable it's not always present and it's  

always changing so the mind can't you give  you any reliable information about reality  

so is that the is it is it merely because  it's a thought that is produced by the mind  

that is making reference to any kind of  separate experiences at all that is the  

mistake like like this person having  their experience even though there's  

one at one awareness there's there's this  window and there's that window well like  

all I can know is is this window I don't  even know if there is any other window I

don't know I guess I'm not how much how many  windows have you looked out of during your life  

in other words how many perceptions have you had  in your life do you think infinite an infinite  

number is it your experience that that infinite  number have of perceptions have been perceived  

by the same awareness yes so it is your experience  that the same awareness can experience an infinite  

number of perceptions in time yes and the fact  that you can't remember all of those perceptions  

now doesn't imply it doesn't prove Alette or even  imply that those perceptions didn't take place in  

the same awareness yeah yeah now why couldn't  exactly the same thing be true of an infinite  

number of perceptions that are now taking place  in space the fact that you cannot see all of  

those perceptions doesn't prove or even imply  that they are taking in different awarenesses  

yes but it can't it doesn't disapprove it  that's true yeah but if you don't believe  

in pink elephants because you've never seen one  yeah so it would be strange to believe in pink  

elephants in spite of the fact that you've never  seen one wouldn't it yeah wouldn't the fact that  

you've never seen one isn't the proof that they  don't exist yeah we can't prove that they don't  

exist all we can say is I've never experienced  one but if you had to choose whether to believe  

in pink elephants or not wouldn't it be better to  presume that they don't exist until you find one  

rather than presume that they do now you have  never found a limit to your awareness you have  

never experienced it it's right to awareness  you have never experienced it coming and going  

it's the same awareness that knows an infinite  number of thoughts and perceptions all those  

thoughts and perceptions are limited but the  awareness with which they are known knows no  

limit in itself wouldn't it be better to presume  that awareness doesn't have a limit and to base  

your life on that experience what all of us  do if we're honest we look at awareness and  

we realize it has no limits and yet strangely  we make this leap of faith and we presume that  

it does and we lead our life on that basis we  think feel act perceive and relate on behalf  

of a temporary limited awareness although we've  never found one why not stick to your experience  

why not think feel perceive and relate on behalf  of unlimited ever-present awareness and see how  

that changes your experience it is the it is  the response you get in your experience that  

is the proof or otherwise of that possibility  it comes it comes in your experience it doesn't  

come as an intellect your proof it can later be  rationalized but even if the Buddha himself was to  

turn up and tell you that awareness was infinite  and unlimited at best you would believe him it's  

you have to go by your own experience stick to  your own experience if you've never seen a limit  

in awareness don't presume one and try to lead  your life in a way that is consistent with that  

understanding or with even with that possibility  first of all think in a way that is consistent  

with that possibility and then take that thinking  more deeply into your experience feel in a way  

that is consistent with that possibility and  then take this feeling out into the world to  

the way you act perceive and relate and see how  experience responds to you when you respond to  

it from this point of view it is that response  that is the confirmation or otherwise thank you