Simon Sinek - Do you love your wife?
Summary
TLDRThe speaker emphasizes the importance of consistency over intensity in leadership, drawing parallels to personal relationships and habits like exercising and brushing teeth. They argue that leadership is built through the accumulation of small, consistent actions that foster trust and loyalty. The analogy of a family is used to illustrate the deep connection between leaders and their teams, highlighting the need for genuine care and support. The speaker also touches on the challenge of scaling leadership in large organizations and the concept of courage being derived from the support of others.
Takeaways
- π‘ Love and leadership are built over time through consistent, small actions rather than single, grand gestures.
- ποΈββοΈ The effectiveness of actions, like going to the gym, is measured by their consistency, not their intensity.
- π± Commitment to a relationship or leadership role is demonstrated through daily acts of service and care.
- π It's challenging to pinpoint a specific moment when love or trust is established; it's the accumulation of actions that matter.
- π¦· Daily habits, like brushing teeth, are analogous to the small, consistent actions that build leadership and trust.
- π« The depth of relationships is not measured by individual events but by the ongoing, mutual support and care.
- π True leadership is shown in the mundane, everyday interactions that reflect genuine care for others.
- π€ Leadership is a commitment to creating a culture where people feel like they are part of a family, looking out for each other.
- π The power of a strong corporate culture lies in its ability to foster loyalty, where employees feel a deep connection to their colleagues and the organization.
- π Long-term success in leadership is marked by stable growth in traditional metrics and lower employee turnover due to strong relationships.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the transcript?
-The main theme of the transcript is the concept of leadership, emphasizing that it is about consistency in small actions over time, rather than grand gestures or events.
How does the speaker compare love in a relationship to leadership?
-The speaker compares love in a relationship to leadership by stating that both are built on consistent, small actions over time rather than single, intense events. Both require commitment and daily effort.
What is the analogy the speaker uses to explain the importance of consistency in leadership?
-The speaker uses the analogy of going to the gym and brushing teeth daily to explain the importance of consistency in leadership. Just as physical fitness and dental health are the result of regular, small efforts, so too is effective leadership.
What does the speaker suggest is the key to building trust in a relationship?
-The speaker suggests that the key to building trust in a relationship is not grand gestures but the accumulation of small, consistent acts of kindness and attention over time.
How does the speaker describe the impact of consistent leadership practices on a company's long-term success?
-The speaker describes the impact of consistent leadership practices as leading to increased stability, improved metrics such as revenue and market share, and better employee retention and loyalty in the long term.
What is the significance of 'Dunbar's number' in the context of the transcript?
-Dunbar's number is mentioned to illustrate the limit to the number of close relationships humans can maintain, which is about 150. This concept is used to discuss the challenges of leadership in large organizations where personal connections cannot be made with every individual.
Why does the speaker say that traditional metrics are not sufficient for measuring leadership in the short term?
-The speaker says that traditional metrics like revenue and market share are not sufficient for measuring leadership in the short term because leadership is about building relationships and trust, which are difficult to quantify and take time to develop.
What is the role of 'courage' in leadership according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, courage in leadership is not an internal quality that one finds within oneself but is instead derived from the support and trust of others. It is the belief that someone has your back that gives you the courage to make difficult decisions.
How does the speaker define a 'good leader'?
-A 'good leader' is defined by the speaker as someone who consistently performs small acts of kindness and care, genuinely listens to others, and fosters an environment where employees feel valued and supported.
What is the speaker's view on the role of corporate culture in creating a sense of family among employees?
-The speaker views a strong corporate culture as essential in creating a sense of family among employees, where they feel a deep sense of loyalty and commitment to each other, akin to the bonds between siblings.
How does the speaker relate the concept of leadership to the idea of raising children?
-The speaker relates leadership to raising children by suggesting that leaders should care for their employees' success and well-being in the same way a parent cares for their children, teaching them skills, providing discipline, and helping them build self-confidence.
Outlines
πͺ Consistent Actions Build Leadership
The first paragraph discusses the nature of love and leadership through the analogy of going to the gym. It emphasizes that love and leadership are built over time through consistent actions rather than single, intense events. The speaker argues that just as working out consistently leads to physical fitness, so too do small, consistent acts of kindness and attention build love and trust in relationships and leadership. The speaker also highlights the importance of daily practices and the accumulation of small acts that, when done consistently, lead to significant results in both personal relationships and in leading others.
π Cultivating a Strong Corporate Culture
The second paragraph focuses on creating a strong corporate culture by fostering common beliefs and values among employees, akin to how parents raise their children. The speaker discusses the long-term benefits of investing in people, such as increased loyalty and reduced turnover. They also touch on the idea that while traditional metrics like revenue and market share may not show immediate improvements, they will become more stable and robust over time due to the strengthened relationships within the organization. The speaker also mentions Dunbar's number, which suggests a limit to the number of close relationships humans can maintain, and how this affects leadership in large organizations.
π€ The Power of Supportive Relationships
The third paragraph delves into the importance of supportive relationships in providing the courage to make difficult decisions. The speaker explains that courage is not an internal trait but comes from the external support and belief of others. They argue that the relationships we build over time not only help us become better leaders but can also provide emotional support during challenging times. The speaker concludes by stating that these relationships can inspire others to act courageously and that they can be a source of strength and resilience.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Love
π‘Leadership
π‘Consistency
π‘Commitment
π‘Transitions
π‘Trust
π‘Metrics
π‘Courage
π‘Inspiration
π‘Dunbar's Number
Highlights
Love and leadership are about consistency and small acts over time, not single intense events.
Leadership is compared to going to the gym; immediate results are not visible, but consistency leads to long-term change.
Commitment to small, consistent acts builds trust and love in relationships and leadership.
Daily practices like brushing teeth or small acts of kindness are mundane but essential for long-term success.
Leadership is not about grand gestures but the accumulation of small, consistent actions.
True leadership is demonstrated in the mundane, everyday interactions, not just during significant events.
The importance of listening and showing genuine care for others' experiences in building relationships.
Leadership is about creating a culture where people feel like they are part of a family.
The concept of 'brother's and sister's' in a corporate culture signifies deep loyalty and unity.
Leadership is about fostering an environment where people feel supported and cared for by their managers.
The challenge of measuring leadership's effectiveness in the short term versus its long-term impact.
The traditional metrics of success, like revenue and market share, improve with consistent leadership practices.
Employee churn decreases with strong leadership, as people are more likely to stay loyal to a company they love.
The importance of common beliefs and values in creating a strong corporate culture.
Leadership is about raising a team to succeed more than you ever could alone, akin to parenting.
Courage in leadership comes from the support and trust of others, not from internal fortitude alone.
Inspirational leadership is about fostering relationships that inspire others to follow and act courageously.
The role of a leader is to ensure that those in their charge feel cared for and supported.
The concept of Dunbar's number and its implications for leadership in large organizations.
Transcripts
do you love your wife yes right prove it
like what's the metric give me the
number that helps me know right because
when you met her you didn't love her
right now you love her right
tell me of the day the love happened
it's an impossible question right but
it's not that it doesn't exist it's that
it's much easier to prove over time
right
so all leadership is the same thing it's
about transitions so if you were to if
you were to go to the gym right sit like
exercise right if you go to the gym and
you workout and you come back and you
look in the mirror you will see nothing
and if you go to the gym the next day
and you come back and you look in the
mirror you will see nothing right so
clearly there's no results can't be
measured it must not be effective so we
quit right or if you fundamentally
believe that this is the right course of
action and you stick with it like in a
relationship
I bought her flowers and I wished her
happy birthday and she doesn't let me
clearly I'll give up you know that's not
what happens if you if you believe
there's something there you commit
yourself to act an act of service you
commit yourself to the regime the
exercise you couldn't screw it up you
can eat chocolate cake one day you can
skip a skip a day or two you know you it
allows for that but if you stick with it
consistently I'm not exactly sure what
day but I know you'll start getting into
shape I know it and the same with the
relationship it's not about the events
it's not about intensity it's about
consistency right you go to the dentist
twice a year your teeth will fall out
you have to brush your teeth every day
for two minutes what is brushing your
day twice a day for two minutes do
nothing unless you do it every day twice
a day for two minutes right it's the
consistency going to the gym for nine
hours does not get you into shape
working out every day for 20 minutes
gets you into shape so the problem is we
treat leadership with intensity we have
a two day off-site we would invite a
bunch of speakers we give everybody
certificate you're a leader right
those things are like going to the
dentist they're very important that good
for reminding us are getting us back on
track learning new lessons but it's the
daily practice of all the monotonous
little boring things like brushing your
teeth that matter the most she didn't
fall in love with you because you
remembered her birthday and bought her
flowers in Valentine's Day she fell in
love with you because when you woke up
in the morning you said good morning to
her before you checked your phone she
fell in love with you because when you
went to the fridge to get yourself a
drink you got her one without even
asking she fell in love with you because
when you had an amazing day at work and
she came home and she had a terrible day
at work you didn't say yeah yeah yeah
but let me tell you about my day you sat
and listened to her awful day and you
didn't say a thing about your amazing
day this is why she fell in love with
you I can't tell you exactly what day
and it was no specular thing you did it
was the accumulation of all of those
little things that she woke up one days
and is as if she pressed a button she
goes I love him right leadership is
exactly the same there's no event
there's no thing I can tell you you have
to do that your people will trust you it
just doesn't work that way it's then
it's an accumulation of lots and lots of
little things that anyone by themselves
is innocuous and useless literally
pointless by themselves people will look
at little things that are good
leadership practice and say that won't
work and you're absolutely right but if
you do it consistently and you do it in
combination with lots of other little
things like saying good morning to
someone that looking in the eye my
friend George was a three-star general
in the Marine Corps he says his test for
leadership and I love this he goes his
test really a good leaders if you ask
somebody how their day is going you
actually care about the answer and the
number of times were walking to a
meeting we're rushing we go how are you
not good I gotta get to you later I got
him late for a meeting if you ask the
question you were standing there and
you're listening to the answer it's
those little innocuous things that you
do over and over and over and over that
people will say I love my job not I like
my job I like my job means yeah the
challenge is great they pay me well I
like the people I love my job means I
don't want to work anywhere else I don't
care how much somebody else will is
willing to pay me
I'm devoted to the people here and I
care desperately about the people here
as if they were my family in business we
have colleagues and co-workers in the
military they have brothers and sisters
that's how they think of each other
right if you really have a strong
corporate culture the people will think
of each other like brothers and sisters
don't really it's like a family right no
brothers and sisters deep love fight but
the love doesn't go away right bicker
the love doesn't go away and I'll fight
with my sister but if you threaten my
sister you're gonna have to deal with me
right right we'll fight internally we'll
bicker with each other but nobody's
gonna hurt each other and if anything
from the outside shows up you got it
you're looking at a unified front
brothers and sisters now how do you
create brothers and sisters out of
strangers common beliefs common values
you know parents in other words
executives who care about their
children's success who care to raise
their children teach them skills
discipline them when necessary help them
build their self-confidence so that they
couldn't go on and achieve something
more than you could have ever imagined
achieving for yourself that's leadership
an absolute love and devotion for the
people who've committed their lives to
this enterprise that's such a brilliant
reframe it's so simple
and so beautiful and and unbelievably
hard work it is and it isn't
here's here's why it is you said it it's
hard to measure right it's hard for me
to show hard to measure in the short
term it's very easy to measure in the
long term over the long term the
traditional metrics will go up all your
revenues profits market share the
traditional metrics will go up and more
importantly they'll go up more stable
right you will be able to weather hard
times better because the people will
come together they won't abandon ship
right in the over the long term the
traditional metrics are just fine but
also over the long term your churn will
go down right you won't be going through
employees as much right over the long
term you'll find that loyalty is much
higher that people will turn down better
paying jobs right over the long term all
the
additional metrics are just fine and
then some it's only the short-term that
it's hard to measure I mean it's a human
thing so just as you know how your body
feels after a good workout you know how
your body feels after a big greasy meal
you know you you know that one is good
for you and one is not you know despite
what it may taste like and that's the
problem with short-term gains right they
feel really good in the short term so
it's it's we're highly highly highly
trained social animals we're highly
adapted social animals you know we we
can feel social awkwardness and we can
feel when things are going well you know
we you can sense it you say you have
this sense of laughter you know around
the office like we're not we're not we
don't walk around with blinders when
we're like I said we're made to do this
you know that's why we can assess if
somebody's trustworthy or not you know
puts why we keep our walls and I go yeah
yeah his results are great but I
wouldn't trust him right you know as
opposed to letting on your be like I
trusted for anything I trusted my kids
my money anything you know so so we're
highly attuned animals and so we're good
at sensing it but I will say there is a
caveat to to your to your metric of
laughter which is a decent one is that
scale breaks things right in human
beings as I said before we're not made
for populations bigger than about 150
ish it's called Dunbar's number Robin
Dunbar professor from Cambridge
University theorized that we cannot
maintain more than a hundred and about
about 150 close relationships and the
way he defined a close relationship is
if you're at a bar with a bunch of
friends and somebody comes in would you
ask that person to join you or not and
we it's about a hundred and fifty that
we would ask them to come join us and if
you think about the reason that actually
makes perfect sense which is there's two
limiting factors one is time if you only
gave two minutes to every person you
know you can make no close friends and
the other one is memory you just can't
remember everybody and so this is where
leadership leadership becomes very very
interesting because if you have a
company that has a lot of people five
six seven eight hundred and people a
thousand two thousand five thousand
people clearly you can't know everyone
and clearly as a CEO look I care about
everything one of my people you don't
even know some of the people you work
for a real but we work for you
ambassadors you don't care about this
so it's a nun's it's a nonsense
statement right right but what you can
say is I desperately care about the
people whose names I know and whose
faces I recognize and I care desperately
about my leadership and I instill in
them every day that I will give them the
tools and I will take care of them with
one purpose of one purpose only that
they will take care of the people in
their charge and I want those people to
take care of the people and instill in
them that they take care of the people
in their charge and then by the time you
get down to the masses where the actual
thousand exist because of the seniors
it's like 20 sure right where the real
thousand exist they feel about a hundred
and a hundred and fifty of them can look
to one of their direct leaders to one of
their direct managers and say that
person cares about me mm-hmm that's our
boss that's my boss that's my leader not
the leader it's the CEO that's my
manager my boss my leader sometimes
sometimes you get fired sometimes you
get in trouble sometimes you'll lose
your job and the next guy will get all
the credit it's all true and the courage
to do the right thing in the face of
overwhelming pressure only the best
leaders have that courage only the best
leaders and here's the folly courage is
not some deep internal fortitude you
don't dig down deep and find the courage
right it just doesn't exist
courage is external our courage comes
from the support we feel from others in
other words when someone when you feel
that someone has your back when you you
know that the day that you admit you
can't do it someone will be there and
say I got you you can do this that's
what gives you the courage to do the
difficult thing it's not going off to an
ashram by yourself somewhere for four
weeks and coming back and finding the
car it's not what happens it's the
relationships that we foster it's the
people around us who love us and care
about us and believe in us and when we
have those relationships we will find
the courage to do the right thing and
when you act with courage that in turn
will inspire those in your organization
to also act with courage in other words
it's still an external thing that's what
inspiration is right I'm inspired to
follow your example
but those relationships that we foster
over the course of a lifetime will not
only make us into the leaders we need to
be in and hope we can be but they'll
often save your life they'll save you
from depression they'll save you from
giving up they'll save you from any
matter of you know negative feelings
about your own capabilities your own
future when someone just says I love you
and I will follow you no matter what
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