Quitting video games... one year later

Summary

In this reflective piece, the speaker recounts their transformative year after quitting video games, which once served as an emotional crutch. They regained 2-3 hours daily, initially leading to feelings of alienation and sadness. Through walks and self-examination, they confronted these emotions and rediscovered a sense of play, eventually joining a dance community. This led to personal growth, new relationships, and reignited passions for singing and reading. The narrative explores themes of emotional healing, self-discovery, and embracing change.

Takeaways

• 🎮 The speaker quit video games a year ago, which was a decision not based on moral judgment but out of frustration and a desire for change.
• 🕒 Quitting video games resulted in the recovery of 2-3 hours each night, which initially led to feelings of panic and restlessness.
• 🚶 Going for walks became a way to cope with the newfound free time and to confront and process feelings of alienation and past failures.
• 💔 The speaker felt a deep sense of alienation both in the real world and within video game communities, despite leading groups and receiving compliments.
• 🌱 Embracing the change, the speaker began to explore and accept feelings of sadness and regret, doing 'catch up' with their soul.
• 💃 Discovering dance and community dance events provided a new, active way to engage with the world and connect with others on a non-verbal, emotional level.
• 📚 Reading became a rediscovered passion, allowing the speaker to connect with ideas and calm the mind, facilitated by a newfound sense of patience.
• 🎵 Singing and participating in a barbershop quartet became a significant part of the speaker's life, providing a creative outlet and a sense of community.
• ❤️ The speaker's divorce was finalized during this year of change, but it was a peaceful process with mutual respect and love.
• 🌟 The year was marked by personal growth, new relationships, and a rekindling of the speaker's inner child, leading to a more fulfilling and connected life.

Q & A

How long has it been since the speaker quit video games?

It has been a year since the speaker quit video games.

What was the primary reason the speaker quit video games?

The speaker quit video games because they were tired of using them as a way to regulate emotions and seeking a sense of community and meaning, which they felt was lacking both in the digital and real worlds.

What changes did the speaker experience after quitting video games?

After quitting video games, the speaker gained 2-3 hours each night, which initially led to feelings of panic and restlessness. This eventually led to going for walks, accepting feelings of alienation, and finding new ways to connect with others and themselves.

How did the speaker's relationship with their body change after quitting video games?

The speaker began to explore more active ways of engaging with their body, such as joining a dance community, which helped them get out of their head and connect with others on a non-verbal, physical level.

What was the impact of dance on the speaker's life?

Dance provided the speaker with a new form of connection and a sense of play that they had been missing. It also led to a significant personal relationship that answered a big question in their life about feeling entwined with another human life.

Did the speaker completely stop playing video games after quitting?

The speaker did not completely stop playing video games but shifted to a more casual and social approach, playing occasionally with friends or for a sense of play, rather than daily systemic use.

How has the speaker's relationship with reading changed after quitting video games?

The speaker has fallen back in love with reading, finding the patience and calm to engage with books that they previously couldn't tolerate, thanks to the new person in their life and the changes they've undergone.

What role did singing play in the speaker's life after quitting video games?

Singing continued to be an important part of the speaker's life, with them participating in multiple groups and even preparing for a regional competition with a barbershop quartet.

How has the speaker's emotional state evolved since quitting video games?

The speaker has gone through a process of grieving the life they were leaving behind, accepting feelings of alienation, and finding new ways to connect and play, leading to a more emotionally fulfilled state.

What are the speaker's thoughts on the future after reflecting on the past year?

The speaker is looking forward to the future with anticipation, expecting more significant changes and is focused on the year ahead rather than dwelling on the past.

Outlines

00:00

🎮 Quitting Video Games: A Year of Change

The speaker reflects on the past year since quitting video games, a decision made shortly before turning 40. Initially, video games were used as a means to regulate emotions and provide a sense of community and meaning. However, the speaker grew tired of being emotionally dependent on games and the communities within them. The decision to quit was not a moral one but rather a reaction to this dependency. The speaker discusses the initial struggle with the newfound free time and the eventual embrace of facing and processing emotions that were previously masked by gaming. This led to a period of self-discovery and growth, including going for walks to cope with the emotional changes.

05:02

🚶‍♂️ Embracing Solitude and Rediscovering Play

The speaker details how the time gained from quitting video games allowed for introspection and a reconnection with their inner self. They discuss the process of grieving the life left behind and the acceptance of feelings of alienation that persisted both in and out of the gaming world. The speaker also talks about the importance of play and how it was missing from their life, leading to a search for more active and engaging ways to use their body. This search led them to community dance, which became a transformative experience, offering a new form of connection and a rekindling of the joy of movement and play.

10:03

💃 Dancing and Love: New Beginnings

The speaker continues their narrative by sharing how dancing not only provided a new hobby but also led to a significant change in their personal life. They discuss the end of their marriage and the peaceful process of parting ways with their ex-spouse. The speaker expresses gratitude for the mutual respect and love that characterized their separation. They also share how, through dance, they found a new sense of connection and love, which answered a long-standing question about feeling entwined with another person's life. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's realization of the importance of being open to new experiences and the joy of embracing change.

15:03

🎵 Singing, Reading, and the Art of Living

In the final paragraph, the speaker talks about how their life has continued to evolve, with a renewed love for reading and the development of their singing skills, including participating in a barbershop quartet competition. They reflect on the decision to quit the daily routine of video games and how it allowed them to explore other passions and interests. The speaker also mentions the reintroduction of video games in a more controlled and social manner, emphasizing the shift from dependency to enjoyment. The paragraph ends with a look forward to future changes and the speaker's anticipation of sharing more of their journey in the coming year.

Keywords

💡Video Games

Video games are interactive digital entertainments played on a computer or console. In the video, the speaker quit playing video games habitually, which was a significant change in their life. They used games as a means to regulate emotions and find a sense of community, but eventually felt trapped and emotionally dragged by them. The decision to quit was not moral but a personal realization of dissatisfaction with their dependency on games.

💡Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation refers to the ability to manage and control one's emotions. The speaker used video games as a tool for emotional regulation, seeking comfort and a sense of belonging within the gaming community. However, they later realized that this was masking deeper feelings of alienation and sadness, leading them to quit games and confront these emotions directly.

💡Community

Community here refers to a group of people who share common interests or activities. The speaker found a sense of community in video games, but it was not fulfilling in the long term. They felt alienated both within the digital world of games and the real world, which was a driving factor in their decision to quit gaming and seek more meaningful connections.

💡Alienation

Alienation is a feeling of being isolated or disconnected from others. The speaker experienced alienation despite their involvement in video games and even in leading groups within the gaming community. This feeling was a significant motivator for them to seek change and find a more authentic sense of belonging.

💡Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is the process of thinking deeply about one's experiences, feelings, and behaviors. The speaker engaged in self-reflection by taking long walks and spending time alone, which allowed them to grieve the life they were leaving behind and accept their feelings of alienation and sadness.

💡Play

Play is a concept that refers to recreational activities done for enjoyment and without a set purpose. The speaker realized they had lost their sense of play and wonder in life, which they had compressed into video games. By quitting gaming, they sought to reintroduce play into their life in a healthier way.

💡Dance

Dance is a performing art form consisting of purposeful, expressive, and rhythmic movements. The speaker found dance as a way to reconnect with their body and emotions, and it became a significant part of their life post-gaming. Dance provided a non-verbal, immediate, and deeply felt connection with others, which was a new and fulfilling experience.

💡Divorce

Divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage. The speaker's divorce was a part of their life changes that were happening concurrently with their decision to quit video games. The divorce was amicable and marked a new chapter in their life, which they approached with openness and readiness for new experiences.

💡Singing

Singing is the act of producing musical sounds with the voice. The speaker mentions singing as an activity they returned to and developed further after quitting video games. It became a part of their journey to rediscover their passions and find joy in creative expression.

💡Barbershop Quartet

A barbershop quartet is a type of vocal ensemble consisting of four singers, typically singing in four-part harmony. The speaker joined a barbershop quartet, which became an exciting and fulfilling part of their life after quitting video games. It represents their exploration of new interests and the pursuit of artistic expression.

Highlights

Quitting video games led to reclaiming 2-3 hours each night, initially causing discomfort and a sense of panic.

The initial reaction to the regained time was to avoid being alone with thoughts, leading to going out every night.

The speaker began to feel alienation and sadness, using the extra time to grieve the life they were leaving behind.

Walking alone in neighborhoods became a way to cope with the emotional changes brought by quitting video games.

The speaker accepted feelings of alienation, which were present both in and out of video game worlds.

A realization that play and wonder had been removed from life and compressed into video games.

The decision to reintroduce play into life led to joining a dance community.

Dancing provided a deep, non-verbal connection with others, unlike any other social interaction.

The dance floor experience translated into a significant personal relationship, answering a long-standing question about love and connection.

The divorce process was underway before quitting video games and was finalized peacefully.

The speaker found a new love, which brought a sense of calm and allowed for more personal growth.

Reading became a rediscovered passion, with the newfound patience to engage with literature.

Singing continued to be a significant part of life, with the speaker participating in multiple groups and competitions.

The speaker started a barbershop quartet, which became a new creative outlet and source of joy.

Video games were reintroduced in a limited, social manner, rather than a daily systemic use.

The speaker now has a plethora of enriching activities, leading to the challenge of managing time effectively.

The focus is on the future, with anticipation for more positive changes and experiences.

Transcripts

what a year it's

been it's been a year since I quit video

games and uh

it's it's a little surreal to admit that

I remember when I made the decision last

year thinking about what my life could

look like in a year

and almost everything that I

wanted has

happened and many things that I could

not have known to want as

well of course a lot of the change in my

life was already moving before I made

this decision to quit video games and so

I think what might be edifying for this

discussion is to kind of focus on um

what has changed in my life in the last

year as a direct result of this decision

to quit video

games

so the manner in which I used video

games that I quit week before my 40th

birthday last year was the habitual

daily systemic use of video games as a

way

of I think regulating emotion and giving

a sense of community and meaning in my

life something that I struggled to find

and despaired of outside of these

digital walls and which towards the end

and I despaired of finding within those

walls as

well and that's why I

quit it wasn't because I made some moral

decision it wasn't because I knew it was

best for me and it was time to do it it

was because I literally got sick of it

and I think

that that disgust Maps directly onto the

progress I'd made doing very small tiny

steps to progress forward over the last

five years and I've done videos on that

I've talked about my weight loss and all

kinds of other things that are going

on but I got sick of it I got sick of

feeling like I

was so subject to these video game

worlds and communities to regulate

myself and to be okay I would feel the

feeling of just feeling emotionally

dragged Along by patch notes or by

things people would say to me in games

or about my place on a DPS meter or

about you know my kill death ratio at

the end of a session

um I got sick of

it and maybe I've been sick of it for a

long time but it wasn't until I had an

inkling of what else was was out there

it wasn't until I I touched the

alternative that I could begin to let go

of the

crutch and that's what we

did so the first thing that happened as

a result of quitting these is I gained

two to three hours back every single

night and at first this was a

panic oh my God I'm sitting alone in a

room with my own thoughts

for an entire

evening this this something I can't bear

and I

couldn't for a little while I did

everything I could to get out of the

house every single night and some some

weeks I

succeeded they weren't really good for

me but they did keep meit occupied and

kept me away from this thing that I did

not want to return

to as that became more bearable

then I began to be presented with the

opportunity to

really feel the things that this habit

had

masked feel my feelings of

alienation feel my feelings

of sadness

regret over past failures and unmet

expectations

and I was given the

gift that I gave myself of a lot of time

to sit and work

through but sitting in my room was

unbearable so what I eventually found

myself doing was going out for walks and

that's what I spent the winter

doing walking

alone out in the

neighborhoods walking by the warm light

of family homes or spills of life that

flow out of bars and restaurants as you

share a sidewalk passers

by and I was given the gift of a lot of

time think to grieve the life that I was

leaving

behind I did not know this examination

was going to take me

here but it was good for

me I was doing

some catch up with my

soul and after

months and accepting a lot of help from

the people and the resources around

me I came to accept these feelings and

especially probably chiefly among them

was the sense of

alienation which is something that no

matter how deeply I invested myself in

these video games I never escaped the

feeling of and I never felt like I

belonged outside in the real world or

inside these digital worlds even when I

was leading groups of people even when I

was being given compliments or was

just meeting my own

expectations I still didn't feel like it

resulted in the connecting meaningful

thing that my heart was crying out for

but I didn't feel strong enough try

anything

else at the start of the

year I just I realized that it was time

to teach my heart how to play

again and that in sometime over the last

20 years I had taken all the sense of

play and wonder and exploration out of

my out of my life and I compressed it

into these video games to these online

experiences and that was the only place

I was giving that sense to myself work

had become a drudge the relationship had

become stagnant

um and that was the one place in my life

where I was allowing myself some

dynamism and play and testing a

boundaries when I took that out of my

life when I released that habit I lost

all connection to my inner child and my

sense of

play I didn't realize it for a while I

knew it felt hard I knew it felt

crushing but I didn't know why

eventually with a little help I was able

to name

that that's another story that I might

tell here on the channel

sometime or I might just keep it within

my heart I haven't

decided but that sense of play was

something that I knew that I needed I

also was looking for opportunities to

find more Conn active ways of getting

out and using my

body the previous year I

celebrated losing a bunch of weight and

feeling more confident to be out in the

world with getting out and getting back

into

singing that was a life-changing

choice but I felt ready for the next and

so I started thinking about well what's

the next thing I'm going to add and one

thing led to another which led me to a

flyer or a dance Community Dance

happening nearby and I just said you

know what let's go and it wasn't

convenient and it was intimidating as

anything but I went and I asked people

to dance I danced my ass

off I've been doing that ever

since getting into my body and out of my

head is something I didn't know I needed

so bad God I needed it I still need

it there are dances within a few miles

of me twice a week and even when I can

go to both it doesn't always feel like

enough um that feeling you get of

connecting with someone on the dance

floor is unlike anything I've really

ever

experienced you meet people in the real

world and for the most part it's a it's

mediated by a verbal exchange like what

kind like what we're doing right

now but when you meet someone on the

Dance Floor

and you're reading their their face

you're reading their body

language trying to figure okay what am I

bringing to this interaction and what

are they bringing and all of this is sub

verbal this is not processed thinking

this is just immediately felt like deep

in the brain

stem and then you're holding each other

and you're spinning

around and you're a lie

in one such

case that feeling on the Dance Floor

translated off the dance

floor and a big question in my life got

answered which

was how long am I going to have to

go without feeling my life entwined with

another human human life

without feeling that sense of Love

without

feeling that ineffable Indescribable

connection my divorce got rolling last

year and it was rolling by the time that

I quit video

games and its finalization was not

really in any way connected to this

decision to quit video games it it all

was

happening and I'm grateful that it all

happened

peacefully I'm very

fortunate that the person that I shared

a life with and decided to make make a

forge a different path from was on the

same page with me and then everything

that we chose to do newly and separately

was un amicably and with

love and

respect I haven't really talked about

that here and maybe I feel like I need

to say

that so it's been

said and I just

assumed I just assumed that having

accepted the idea that I was

alone that this was a lifestyle that I

was going to have to to really bring

into myself and learn to live with for a

long

time I achd for something knew but I

became aware of the sense that the more

I desired that

connection the more my heart

achd the further I got away from it and

the more in a sense I hardened myself

from the possibilities that were

actually around

me becoming aware of this

I did find my way to being really

ready and to being open

and the day that I did

that the sun Shone right

in that's a really fun story that I hope

to share with y'all sometime

what

else this is probably the headline of

this discussion of what's

changed about

how the exploration that I was kind of

flung into as a result of this Choice

helped me get caught up in my soul

accept some things I needed to truly

move on from the decisions i' already

made and be open to good new things

coming into my life and it wasn't just

just dancing and love that had come

in um I've also Fallen back in love with

reading and started

to

really crack the spines on a lot of

things that in my head

I no that's that's poorly stated that in

my heart I wanted to connect with but

that in my head I couldn't tolerate I

couldn't be patient

with something about the changes that

I've gone through and also

this this new person in my life that

brings me a sense of

calm that allows me to tolerate sitting

alone in the room by myself and that

results in a capability to sit and

read

um and I've found so

much between those pages

singing continues to develop in multiple

groups I'm taking my barber shop quartet

to a regional competition in about a

month I'm also going with a couple of

choruses but the quartet

is what I'm really really excited

about

um quartet is something that I started

to do and to work on at the exact time

last year that I quit video games and

quitting those and opening that up gave

me room gave me time not just to do all

this great spiritual foundational work

but also just to start figuring out how

how do I go from loving to sing and

enjoying singing Barber Shop once a week

with this amazing community of people to

having a quartet of people that I'm

building a brand and a sound and a form

of art with

and uh that's been really fun I've

learned a lot from that in the last

year I'm asking myself if there's

anything else important to share about

what changed um I suppose I should have

started this discussion by qualifying

that I didn't quit playing any video

games what I quit was the systemic daily

use

um and especially for the so for the

first three months I actually did quit

cold turkey and didn't do anything but

when winter rolled around and when I

felt the need to reintroduce a sense of

play into my life I I decided to loosen

up a little I loaded up the new Zelda

game tears of the kingdom it gave me a

lot of Solace

actually

um and um a few months later um hell

divers came out I think is what it's

called and I played it socially with

some friends for a little while and had

some good fun stomping

bugs and um the only other kind of

Gaming use that I've had in this last

year is uh socially so my my dear

brother will talk to me about video

games and the New York Yankees

and so we find time to play games from

time to time and that's how we connect

um but I've went from this place of

needing the expectation and structure of

these video games to feeling their lack

and starting to work through what would

fill up that terrible emotional

Gap and now I'm in the spot where I

filled it and I have too many good

things in my

life and the challenge is to stay

the challeng is to keep up with

everything that's a wonderful problem to

have and one of the things that ends up

slipping is making updates like these

for this

so today's a fun day um a Saturday

morning and I'm about to go meet up with

my girlfriend to go and uh hang out with

a friend mutual friend and um from there

the day will take itself where it needs

to go and um

I'm thinking about it with a lot of

Joy it's been quite a

year I know this has been a long

discussion at this point but in some

ways I feel like I haven't said very

much hopefully I've shared something of

value or at least of

Interest the path goes

on and although I'm

engaged right now with the examination

of the Year past what I spend most of my

time thinking about is the year

ahead there are more big great changes

coming it'll be a fun day when I sit

down and share those with you all

too I hope you're having a great

day and you're treating yourself well

remember

to be good to yourself and to each

other I'll meet with you again soon