Relationships, Sexuality, & Daddy issues.
Summary
TLDRIn this candid video, the host shares her personal struggles with 'daddy issues' and their impact on her romantic choices, highlighting the importance of recognizing and addressing emotional patterns. She also introduces 'Ask Alyssa,' an anonymous advice segment where she discusses various relationship and personal dilemmas sent in by viewers, such as navigating feelings for a son's fiancΓ©, lack of appreciation in a long-term relationship, and overcoming fears around intimacy. The host emphasizes the value of self-worth, open communication, and making new choices to break free from feelings of being trapped in life or love.
Takeaways
- π The video is set on Valentine's Day, where the creator is alone and decides to use the occasion to have an intimate conversation with the audience.
- π The creator discusses personal issues, such as 'daddy issues,' and how they have influenced her past relationships and choices.
- π¬ There's an emphasis on the importance of vulnerability and the creator encourages the audience to share their own experiences and feelings.
- π’ The creator has been using an anonymous question box on Instagram for a year, which has led to requests for an advice column, which she launches in this video.
- π The creator acknowledges that she is not a professional therapist but takes the responsibility of being an 'anonymous secret keeper' seriously.
- π§ββοΈ The video touches on the theme of self-worth and the creator suggests that people should explore their own self-worth before seeking validation in relationships.
- π₯ The creator addresses a range of sensitive topics, including unrequited love for a family member's partner and the complexities of long-term relationships.
- π A book recommendation is made for those feeling unappreciated in their relationships: 'The Love Prescription' by John and Julie Gottman.
- π« The video discusses the feeling of being 'trapped' in life or relationships and offers advice on how to find liberation and make new choices.
- π The creator shares personal successes, such as sobriety and new job opportunities, to inspire hope and resilience in the audience.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the video script?
-The main theme of the video script is vulnerability and emotional openness, as the speaker discusses personal issues, such as 'daddy issues,' and answers anonymous questions from her audience about love, relationships, and personal struggles.
Why does the speaker mention buying a robe and a humidifier for Valentine's Day?
-The speaker mentions buying a robe and a humidifier to set a cozy and comfortable atmosphere for her video, as she is alone on Valentine's Day due to a blizzard. These items symbolize self-care and self-love, which aligns with the intimate and personal tone of the video.
What is the purpose of the 'question box' the speaker refers to?
-The 'question box' is a safe and anonymous space created by the speaker on her Instagram where people can share their personal issues and concerns. The speaker uses this to connect with her audience and to gather questions for her anonymous advice column.
How does the speaker address her own 'daddy issues' in the script?
-The speaker addresses her 'daddy issues' by acknowledging their existence and explaining how they have influenced her past relationships. She admits to being attracted to emotionally unavailable men and takes responsibility for her part in those dynamics, recognizing the need to break the cycle.
What advice does the speaker give to someone who is in love with their son's fiancΓ©?
-The speaker advises the person to dive deep into their feelings and consider why they might be experiencing romantic love instead of a parental love for their son's fiancΓ©. She suggests that this could be related to an old wound or an archetype of a woman that they admire, and recommends seeking professional help to navigate the complex emotions and potential family dynamics.
What is the book recommendation the speaker gives for someone feeling unappreciated in their relationship?
-The speaker recommends the book 'The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy' by John and Julie Gottman, which is a guide to improving relationship dynamics and addressing the issue of appreciation.
How does the speaker suggest dealing with feelings of being trapped in a relationship?
-The speaker suggests reflecting on what specifically is causing the feeling of being trapped, whether it's the partner's behavior or one's own expectations. She encourages communication with the partner and emphasizes the importance of making new choices or even letting go of the relationship if it's not healthy.
What advice does the speaker offer to someone who is afraid of having sex?
-The speaker advises understanding and befriending one's fears, communicating openly with potential partners, and releasing shame around one's sexuality. She assures that it's never too late to explore one's sexual side and that it's a natural part of being human.
How does the speaker approach the topic of sexuality and maintaining a healthy sex life for van lifers?
-The speaker views sexual health as an important aspect of overall well-being and suggests self-exploration, understanding one's own rhythms, and finding partners who share similar lifestyles, such as other nomads, to maintain a healthy sex life.
What does the speaker say about questioning one's sexuality?
-The speaker encourages embracing the evolution and growth that comes with questioning one's sexuality. She advises taking the pressure off and celebrating the journey of self-discovery, emphasizing that there's no need to have everything figured out.
How does the speaker conclude the video script?
-The speaker concludes the video script by sharing personal positive updates, such as finding a job and achieving sobriety, and by expressing gratitude for the audience's vulnerability and engagement. She also seeks feedback on the anonymous advice column format and considers making it a regular segment.
Outlines
πΉ Valentine's Day Intimacy and Daddy Issues
The speaker starts by expressing disbelief at sharing personal issues publicly, acknowledging it's Valentine's Day and being alone during a blizzard. They pour champagne and mention a new robe and humidifier as part of their self-care routine. The main topic is the use of an Instagram question box where followers can anonymously share their issues. The speaker has been posting this for a year and has received many requests to give anonymous advice, which they plan to do in this video. They emphasize the importance of talking about taboo or awkward subjects and admit to having 'Daddy Issues,' which has influenced their attraction to emotionally unavailable men. They invite others with similar experiences to comment and discuss.
π₯ Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Unavailability
The speaker delves into their 'Daddy Issues,' explaining how it has led them to date emotionally unavailable partners. They clarify that emotional unavailability isn't about the inability to love but is a defense mechanism. They take full responsibility for their choices, recognizing that their insecurities contribute to the cycle. The speaker is on a journey to break this pattern, emphasizing self-awareness and accountability. They also touch on societal expectations and the pressure to conform to certain types of content creation, expressing their commitment to authenticity and multidimensional expression.
π Navigating Forbidden Love and Relationship Worth
The speaker addresses a confession of being in love with one's son's fiancΓ©, acknowledging the complexity and potential consequences of such feelings. They suggest introspection to understand the root of these emotions, possibly linked to unresolved issues or desires. The speaker also discusses feeling unappreciated in a long-term relationship, recommending a book by John and Julie Gottman that focuses on improving relationship dynamics and appreciation. They encourage self-worth and the importance of feeling valued, both by oneself and one's partner.
πͺ Liberating Love and Overcoming Life's Traps
The speaker talks about feeling trapped in relationships and life, emphasizing that love should be liberating. They suggest examining the reasons for feeling trapped and considering distance or letting go as a potential solution. The speaker encourages making new choices, no matter how small, to inject novelty and change into one's life. They also address the fear of sex and the importance of understanding and communicating one's fears and desires, promoting self-acceptance and the removal of shame around sexual experiences.
π Sexuality, Sobriety, and the Power of Vulnerability
The speaker discusses maintaining a healthy sex life while living a nomadic lifestyle, suggesting self-exploration and understanding one's own rhythms. They also address the fear and questioning of one's sexuality, encouraging acceptance and celebration of personal growth. The video concludes with the speaker sharing personal victories, such as sobriety and new job opportunities, and a love story that offers hope. They express gratitude for the audience's vulnerability and engagement, seeking feedback on the video's format and considering making it a monthly feature.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Daddy Issues
π‘Emotional Unavailability
π‘Valentine's Day
π‘Question Box
π‘Accountability
π‘Worthiness
π‘Sexual Health
π‘Sobriety
π‘Anonymous Advice Column
π‘Vulnerability
Highlights
The creator discusses personal vulnerability and Daddy Issues on Valentine's Day.
A confession about being attracted to emotionally unavailable men due to Daddy Issues.
The realization that emotional unavailability can be a defense mechanism against love.
A call for accountability in recognizing one's own role in relationship dynamics.
The creator's openness to sharing personal experiences to foster a sense of community.
The introduction of an anonymous advice column to discuss personal issues.
A confession about being in love with one's son's fiancΓ©, exploring the complexities of such feelings.
Advice on understanding the underlying reasons for romantic feelings towards a family member's partner.
A discussion on the importance of worthiness and self-love in relationships.
Recommendation of 'The Love Prescription' book by John and Julie Gottman for relationship issues.
The exploration of feeling trapped in relationships and life, and how to address these feelings.
Encouragement to make new choices to combat feelings of being stuck in life.
A confession about the fear of having sex and the advice to understand and confront these fears.
Discussion on maintaining a healthy sex life as a van lifter, including the importance of self-exploration.
The creator's personal update on sobriety and job acquisition, emphasizing perseverance.
A viewer shares their positive love story, providing hope and inspiration.
The creator expresses gratitude for viewer vulnerability and the importance of feeling connected.
A request for feedback on the anonymous advice column format and its potential for monthly occurrences.
Transcripts
I can't believe I just told the internet
I've got Daddy Issues hey we're getting
real today folks okay
[Music]
thank you
[Music]
thank you
so much so today
is Valentine's Day
I am alone
it's a blizzard so I thought this could
be the perfect opportunity for you and I
whoa for you and I have a bit of a more
intimate moment but let me pour the
champagne and uh we'll get into it
cheers everybody
that's just not enough
so I bought myself this robe for
Valentine's Day and I'm already obsessed
with it I also bought myself a
humidifier sexy no romantic yes I feel
like all hot girls are hydrated girls so
I've been on a mission to stay hydrated
that's besides the point there are some
things that I need to get off my chest
and there's also some things that you
guys need to get off your chest so if
you guys have been following me on
Instagram you will have seen that for
about the past year I have been posting
a question box that says whatever you
need to get off your chest leave it here
because
we're all going through stuff behind the
scenes that maybe were ashamed to talk
about or it's taboo or it's awkward or
we just don't have the right person in
our lives so I created this question box
just as a safe place that always remains
completely Anonymous that people can
just put it since I've been doing that
I've been getting a lot of requests to
do almost like an anonymous advice
column so that's what we're gonna do
today I put the question box on my
Instagram story yesterday and
you guys came with the confessions we're
all going through so many of the same
things or at least common themes and to
talk about it I think is a really
healthy thing and it'll make us all feel
a little less alone at least that's the
point of it I want full disclosure that
I am not a professional I carry this
with great responsibility that any of
you would be willing to have me as your
Secret Keeper again not a professional I
cannot ask you guys to be vulnerable
without being vulnerable first so love
confession in the spirit of Valentine's
Day here we go
we're gonna get a little closer hey Ray
you come hey girl hi honey this is the
real love of my life everyone
yeah you good girl all right Mama's got
to work confession about love I'm gonna
have to take a step for this because
I've got a good one
here it is I have daddy issues this may
come as no surprise to many
but I do give me a hey in the comments
if you also have Daddy Issues hey
you know let's talk about it we've all
been through experiences that shape our
reality around life and especially
around love right my daddy issues they
have led me to date and be attracted to
emotionally unavailable men there can be
emotionally unavailable partners that
love you deeply but are still
emotionally unavailable because my
trauma wound it goes and subconsciously
seeks out emotionally distant men which
was reflective of my relationship with
my death emotionally distant men or
Partners people they have a trauma wound
of protecting themselves from Love by
being emotionally distant it doesn't
mean that they're incapable of love
that's just their defense mechanism and
my defense mechanism is to choose those
people people who are emotionally
distant often take the blame for love
not working and that is not the case I
am just as responsible because I have
insecurity where perhaps I don't feel
worthy enough or perhaps I don't feel
ready enough to experience a fully ready
and fully blossomed love this is a cycle
I'm breaking folks so this is this is
past me talking okay it is my
responsibility just as much because me
choosing emotionally unavailable
partners
is me distancing myself from love so
that's my issue it is not the
responsibility of my partner who has
their own trauma to work through to move
through their trauma so that I don't
have to does that make sense full
accountability here and it's been a
great journey so hey daddy issues and
daddy issues look different for
everybody okay all right we're getting
real today folks okay oh this fire is
getting hot wait are you gonna chew that
box right now honey you want to wait
till I'm done you can go ahead and chew
it she can try if if there's noise in
the background it's real having a great
day so
how about it honey you'd be a good girl
I want to be honest with you guys about
where I am at emotionally
and there's something I want to get off
my chest
there have been some people as of late
that have really been trying to put me
in a box especially here on the internet
some people have been trying to tell me
that I need to stick to making one type
of video it's just that doesn't sound
fun to me and I like expressing myself
any way I feel like you know I just like
all of you am a multi-dimensional woman
well you might not all be women but I
love celebrating the complexities of
what it is to be a human and there is a
much deeper story happening here on this
channel than just Cottage renovation
videos or living on the road can't you
feel it there's something deeper
Happening Here I know you feel it and
look I don't have all the answers but I
do know exactly what I'm doing so if
you're expecting a one-dimensional woman
or a one-dimensional channel I apologize
but you will be disappointed but if you
are willing to get on this wild ride
with me and go through the ups and downs
Ebbs and flows twists and turns of life
and you want to do it together then I
think you are going to have a lot of fun
watching this story unfold which is my
life so anyway that's where I'm at oh
oh my God this robe is amazing now we
are going to get into what you guys are
going through and you guys came in hot
and heavy I don't know what I'm gonna
call this segment but as of right now
I'm just going to call it ask Alyssa so
welcome to a brand new segment called
ask Alyssa very brief intermission I'm
gonna go make some lunch and then I'll
be back
thank you
foreign
[Music]
let's go back inside and warm up huh
let's go
now that we're back from our break I
want to warn you guys this is about to
get juicy this is about to get very real
now I couldn't answer all of the
questions because there were so many but
if you guys end up enjoying this segment
please let me know in the comments and
then maybe I'll do a second part so
without further ado
confession
I am in love with my son's fiancee
this is what we call the danger zone my
friend this is a shame-free space okay
so I don't know how your son's fiance
identifies but for the sake of
discussion I'm just going to be using
the pronouns she and there's of course a
lot of information I don't have but with
what I do have these are my thoughts you
know it's true that you can't help who
you love but you can understand why you
love them and I think this calls for
immediate action in diving in You Got
You Gotta tap in you gotta tap in real
fast dive Inward and consider why you
might be in love with your son's fiance
as you say you know maybe it's love but
perhaps
your son's fiance she is representing to
you something that could have been or a
type of woman in your life an archetype
of a woman like love knows no age okay
it knows no age but when a child brings
in a partner into the family the older
generation typically immediately steps
into a fatherly or motherly role right
so I would dive in real deep and
consider to yourself why is it that the
love I have for this person
immediately jumped over the fatherly
love and went into the romantic love as
it sounds and I think you're gonna find
out something about yourself perhaps an
old wound hey daddy issues you know
we've all got them
um where this woman or this person is
bringing that up for you and it's coming
up in the form of love for her now
this is just me you know blab it on with
limited information go deep just go in
just go in there it's gonna be
uncomfortable you know it's going to
bring up things from your past but it's
a journey and it is uh it's a noble one
okay this is a scenario that could shift
an entire family Dynamic with long-term
consequences that would be my advice I
do not envy you my friend that is a
tough situation that would be something
really scary to just sit on by yourself
you've got this navigate it
and you know maybe even talk to a
therapist about it or anything
evolves of the situation please feel
free to you know jump in that question
box again and give us an update moving
on I am in a 12-year relationship and I
don't feel appreciated I feel like
whatever I do is not enough
worthiness
this is something a lot of us deal with
myself included I just bought a book
that I think you are going to love let
me grab it really quick full disclosure
I have not read this book yet I just got
in the mail but I did listen to the
podcast on the authors so the book is
the love prescription seven days to more
intimacy connection and joy and this is
written by John and Julie gottman
they're both psychologists and they have
studied love in relationships for 40
years and I wrote down the stats to this
because when I was listening to this
podcast I honestly couldn't believe it
I'll also link the podcast below they
were able to account for 90 of the
variation so with 90 accuracy they were
able to predict if a couple would stay
together or get divorced and then on top
of that they were able to predict the
timeline for when they would get
divorced and if they stayed together
their happiness trajectory this is a
scientifically sound study from a
15-minute interaction with up to 90
percent accuracy they wrote this book as
a way like an Insider's Guide into the
love dynamics of humans one of the big
issues within love Dynamics is
appreciation so whoever wrote that with
you're not feeling appreciated I'd
highly recommend this book it's really
short it's like 150 pages and it's kind
of like a workbook where in seven days
you can connect with your partner and
overcome these barriers that are so
common for humans I don't have anyone to
to practice this with
um but even as a solo woman
um I find it really interesting because
I can get awareness into my own Dynamic
I would also just generally say of
course dive into your relationship use
that book but also take a step back out
of your relationship and check on your
worthiness meter with yourself is this
something you've struggled with for some
time is you know like the younger
version of you the child version of you
needing love and a measure of worthiness
from the adult version of you that way
you can show up to your relationship
dynamic
more whole more clear more empowered you
are absolutely worthy and you should
feel loved I hope I hope that helps you
know again I'm not an expert but these
guys are so I think they probably know
what they're talking about there were a
lot of questions that all fell under
this same umbrella so I'm just gonna say
I feel trapped a lot of people right now
are feeling trapped within their
relationship and within life this is
normal this is totally normal okay love
in its purest form is liberating it
should never make you feel trapped so
let's talk about feeling trapped in
relationships first shall we what is
making you feel trapped is it the
behavior in your Dynamic that you're
seeing from your partner or is it the
expectations or the ideas you have
surrounding love and relationship go
ahead and think about that sometimes
distance or letting go
is one of the best things that you can
do and it can be a really healing thing
sometimes you will need to let go to get
the perspective that you need to show up
for a healthy love and that's okay and
letting go is really hard
and I know this from experience but
love is meant to be liberating so
letting go can be
one of the deepest forms of expression
for true love
I also know that so this is bringing the
awareness into what is making you feel
trapped can give you the empowerment
that you need to make the shifts within
your Dynamic so I'm not saying you have
to let go of that partnership and maybe
even communicate that with your partner
I think you probably should in fact I
know you should hard conversations but
they shouldn't be you know I will put
plenty of resources down below
um just for
safety in terms of exiting a toxic
situation or relationship all right if
you're feeling trapped in life which a
lot of people are this is a fun one okay
if you're feeling trapped in life
you feel like your life's kind of at a
dead end it's the same thing over and
over you're not actually feeling alive
the best thing you can do
is make new choices and you're like but
I can't you know like if you're so busy
and you're so exhausted you can't you
can like I'm talking the littlest
choices in your life can have the
biggest impact choose to go to a
different coffee shop choose to show up
differently in your Dynamic choose to
spend your little bit of free time
differently these little decisions that
you can make even in a very busy or kind
of sad life can bring so much New Life
almost instantaneously into your life
just have fun with it but order
something new at the restaurant talk to
somebody new drive a different way home
from work novelty in life is one of the
most powerful things you can tap into
and you can always tap into it you can
always make
a new decision and make a game out of it
you know like how many new decisions can
you make in a day or what does this new
decision make you feel you know keep a
journal about it make it make it a
treasure hunt you know find the spark in
life again you absolutely can I promise
you you can also make radical decisions
like go ahead and get a different job
look for a different job move somewhere
new I know a lot of privilege and
financial means come with things like
that but you can prepare for those if
you make the mental note
um go for it we are just moving right
along
[Music]
we're going into the realm of sexuality
and sex so you know if you've got little
ears
I am so afraid of having sex that I've
put it off for so long now that it's the
last year of my 20s it might never
happen there is nothing to be ashamed
about for not having sex at 29 years old
there's like there's no shame in having
sex with many different partners your
sexual side is simply a side of yourself
that we all have we're all just
creatures on this planet literally
animals have a sexual side okay it is so
innate and natural it sounds like you
want to pursue the side of yourself so I
would just say understand your fears a
little better get to know them befriend
them be like okay I get it I understand
you take their power away and just have
the courage to be openly communicative
with potential love Partners or sex
partners
if you can release that shame for
yourself you allow others to show up for
you in very special ways and people want
to show up for you I'm sure of it it's
not too late you know if you want it to
happen it will happen if you don't want
it to happen that's also okay I promise
it's not so scary
how do van lifers maintain healthy sex
lives for so for those of you who are
new here I used to live in a bus when I
was a nomad love this question because
it Taps into the idea that a sex life is
meant to be healthy and is something to
be maintained and that is something we
should talk about more just like our
physical health our emotional health our
spiritual health our sexual health is
something that we need to tend to and
maintain so first and foremost I think
having a healthy sexual relationship
with yourself is key understanding your
body exploring it needing your own needs
is a very healthy choice you don't want
to be dependent on other partners that
can lead to certain wounds being brought
up or certain tendencies that aren't
necessarily healthy number two there are
certain rhythms and patterns that Nomads
drive to like the seasons for example
so many Nomads are down in Arizona or in
Baja right now for the winter if you
find a sexual partner that's also a
nomad you usually find yourself in the
same places a few times throughout the
year so that's a good way to maintain a
sexual relationship with the same
partner it's just understanding your own
rhythms baby come on you're always
meeting new people on the road as well
so there's always the opportunity for
new relationships whether that's
intimate or platonic sexual you name it
the last question in the realm of
sexuality this is hard but I am
questioning my sexuality again right
after I thought I had it figured out
you know I don't know if there's really
anything to figure out you're perfect
just the way you are and the fact that
you're evolving and growing I think is a
great sign that means you're not really
stagnant in your life and you're willing
to think outside the box and I think
that should be celebrated so good for
you take the pressure off you know I
think that's one thing we just need to
take away from all this we all just need
to take the pressure off ourselves we're
all dealing with so many similar things
and it's really beautiful to see that
we're not alone in this there are a
couple things I'm just gonna happy
confessions to end the high note on the
last time I answered this question box I
was looking for a job and later that day
I got one note to self never give up
your job
a new chapter in life
today I have reached my one year and two
months sobriety I am lucky to be here
well I am so lucky that you were here as
well congratulations that is not an easy
feat at all I admire you so much okay
here we go the love story that we all
want I found a woman that is amazing I
am building a life with her and it is
awesome
there's hope you guys there's hope I'm
so happy for you
so sweet
and lastly your vulnerability makes me
feel connected
[Music]
your voice is important
that means more to me than I can express
that is so sweet thank you I am very
curious to know what you guys think of
this style of video and this segment in
particular the anonymous advice column
let me know if you like it and if you do
maybe I will do one of these types of
videos once a month let me know what you
think I should call it I love you I'll
see you next week
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
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