Gay and in Love at an Evangelical Christian College | Op-Docs

Summary

Santiago Gonzalez, a student at a Christian university, grapples with his identity as a gay man within a conservative institution. He navigates the complexities of faith, family, and societal expectations, seeking acceptance and love. His journey is further complicated by his relationship with Austin, who faces his own family's disapproval. The story explores themes of self-acceptance, the struggle for identity, and the quest for harmony between one's faith and personal truths.

Takeaways

• 🙏 Santiago Gonzalez is a student at a Christian university struggling with his faith and his identity as a gay man.
• 🌊 Santiago found comfort and acceptance among his Latina female friends where he could openly discuss his sexuality.
• 🏫 Santiago's university, Point Loma Nazarene University, operates under strict Nazarene ethics which include rules about sexuality.
• 👨‍❤️‍👨 Austin, Santiago's boyfriend, faces a dilemma as his parents do not support his relationship and want to convince Santiago it's wrong.
• 👪 Santiago's family is important to him, and he hopes that by meeting his boyfriend, his parents might come to accept their relationship.
• 😔 Santiago feels conflicted as he tries to reconcile his Mexican heritage with his American identity and his sexual orientation.
• 💬 Santiago's father had traditional views on masculinity, which complicated his acceptance of Santiago's sexuality.
• 🎓 The script discusses the anticipation of graduation and the potential for family gatherings to become contentious due to Santiago's relationship.
• 😢 Austin's parents' refusal to have dinner with Santiago and him highlights the emotional toll that familial disapproval can take.
• 🌟 Despite the challenges, Santiago and Austin find strength in each other and hope for a future where they can be fully accepted.

Q & A

What is Santiago Gonzalez's struggle with his faith and sexuality?

Santiago Gonzalez struggles with reconciling his Christian faith with his sexuality. He feels conflicted because his Christian university and community have certain views on homosexuality that he is wrestling with, while also trying to accept and love himself as he is.

Why does Santiago feel the need to pray and what does he pray for?

Santiago prays to find acceptance and understanding of his feelings for other guys, which he started noticing in eighth grade. He also prays for the strength to navigate the complexities of his identity as a gay man in a Christian environment.

What is the significance of Santiago being the first in his family to graduate from college?

Being the first in his family to graduate from college signifies a major achievement and a breakthrough for Santiago. It represents not only personal success but also a source of pride and hope for his family.

How does Austin's relationship with Santiago affect his affiliations on campus?

Austin and Santiago's relationship is kept somewhat closed due to Austin's involvement with campus groups that abide by the university's handbook rules, which include regulations on sexual orientation and sexuality.

What is the dilemma Austin faces regarding his parents and his relationship with Santiago?

Austin faces a dilemma where his parents want to meet Santiago not to accept their relationship but to try to convince them why they shouldn't be together. This puts Austin in a difficult position where he has to choose between his love for Santiago and his relationship with his parents.

What is Santiago's perspective on the church's role in accepting people?

Santiago believes the church should be a place where people are fully loved and accepted as they are. However, he feels that the church's teachings sometimes create tension and division between Christians and non-Christians, particularly regarding sexual orientation.

How does Santiago feel about his identity as a Mexican and an American?

Santiago struggles with balancing his Mexican and American identities. He feels more connected to his parents' experiences as immigrants from Mexico, even though he fits the definition of a Chicano, someone born and raised in the United States with Mexican roots.

What challenges does Santiago face in terms of his cultural expectations of masculinity?

Santiago faces challenges with cultural expectations of masculinity that dictate how men should dress, act, and behave. He feels these are just boxes that society tries to put him into, and he is trying to break free from these stereotypes to be true to himself.

How did Santiago's family react when he came out to them?

Santiago's family was initially confused and disappointed when he came out to them. His father, in particular, had traditional views on masculinity rooted in Mexican culture, which made it difficult for him to accept Santiago's sexuality.

What is the outcome of the planned dinner between Austin's parents and Santiago?

The dinner between Austin's parents and Santiago does not take place as planned. Austin's parents make it clear that they do not support the relationship and that they would use the dinner to try to convince them to end it, leading to the decision to cancel the dinner.

How does Santiago envision his future in terms of faith and self-acceptance?

Santiago seeks truth and reconciliation between the parts of himself that seem to conflict. He believes that as he gets closer to God, he is guided to let go and accept himself, indicating a journey towards self-acceptance and inner peace.

Outlines

00:00

🏳️‍🌈 Struggling with Faith and Identity

Santiago Gonzalez, a student at a Christian university, grapples with his identity as a gay man within a conservative religious environment. He shares his journey of self-discovery, starting from his initial feelings in eighth grade and his struggle to reconcile his faith with his sexuality. Santiago's narrative includes his experiences with his Christian community, his university's ethical guidelines, and the challenges of being in a relationship with Austin, who is also part of the university community. The paragraph highlights the tension between his religious beliefs and his sexual orientation, as well as the anticipation of a significant family meeting that could potentially challenge his relationship.

05:00

👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 Navigating Stereotypes and Acceptance

This paragraph delves into Santiago's experiences with cultural stereotypes and his struggle to find a place where he feels fully accepted. He discusses the limitations he faces within his Christian and Latino communities, which often fail to see him as a complete individual due to their preconceived notions about his identity. Santiago also shares his comfort with his Latina friends who are more open to discussing his sexuality. The narrative continues with his reflections on faith and sexuality, where he never felt they were in conflict with God's love. The paragraph also includes a heartbreaking conversation between Santiago and Austin, where Austin's parents express their disapproval of their relationship, leading to emotional turmoil and a difficult decision regarding a family dinner.

10:00

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family, Culture, and the Search for Self

Santiago's story continues with a focus on his family dynamics and cultural identity. He talks about his father's disappointment upon learning about his sexuality, rooted in traditional Mexican machismo. The paragraph explores Santiago's complex relationship with his Mexican heritage and American upbringing, identifying as a Chicano but feeling a deeper connection to his parents' immigrant experience. The narrative takes a poignant turn as Austin shares the heartbreaking decision from his parents to forgo family gatherings, reflecting the deep divide between their relationship and his family's values. The paragraph ends with a glimmer of hope as Austin and Santiago plan for a future together, despite the challenges.

15:02

🎓 Love and Acceptance in the Face of Adversity

The final paragraph captures the essence of Austin and Santiago's love story and the acceptance they find in each other. It recounts their first meeting and the development of their relationship, highlighting the unique qualities each brings to the other's life. Austin's heartfelt toast at a graduation celebration encapsulates their bond and the love they share. The paragraph also touches on Santiago's spiritual journey, where he seeks reconciliation between the different aspects of his identity and finds solace in the belief that God accepts him as he is. It concludes with a message of hope and self-acceptance, emphasizing the importance of embracing one's true self.

Keywords

💡Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance refers to the individual's ability to embrace oneself, including one's strengths and weaknesses, without negative judgment. In the video, Santiago's journey of self-acceptance is central as he grapples with his sexual orientation within a Christian university setting. His struggle is highlighted when he says, 'How do I believe that I’m worth it?' and his eventual realization that he needs to accept himself as he is, as indicated by his statement, 'the more I seek truth and reconciliation...the more it seems that God just wants me to let go accept myself.'

💡Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation is an individual's enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions to men, women, both genders, or none. It is a core aspect of one's identity. Santiago's narrative revolves around his sexual orientation as he identifies his feelings for other guys and how it conflicts with the conservative Christian environment he is in. The script mentions, 'I started noticing feelings for other guys, in like eighth grade,' which marks the beginning of his journey to understand his sexual orientation.

💡Christian University

A Christian university is an educational institution with a mission grounded in Christian faith and values. In the context of the video, Santiago attends a small Christian university in San Diego, which adheres to certain ethical guidelines, including those about sexuality. The conflict arises as Santiago's sexual orientation goes against the university's rules, as stated, 'Point Loma Nazarene University functions by Nazarene ethics, and rules, and so I signed a contract coming into Point Loma talking about...sexual orientation and sexuality, in general.'

💡Cultural Identity

Cultural identity refers to an individual's sense of belonging to a cultural group, which influences their self-perception and social interactions. Santiago's cultural identity as a Mexican-American, or Chicano, plays a significant role in his story. He mentions, 'I have struggled figuring out how to balance being a Mexican and being an American,' reflecting the internal conflict many children of immigrants face in reconciling their cultural heritage with their current cultural context.

💡Internal Conflict

Internal conflict occurs within an individual's mind and emotions, often involving a struggle between opposing feelings or beliefs. Santiago experiences an internal conflict between his sexual orientation and the expectations of his religious community. The script illustrates this when he says, 'I began to feel the expectations of the way, some of the people in my Christian community viewed, right and wrong,' showing the tension between his identity and the community's norms.

💡Family Dynamics

Family dynamics refer to the relationships, roles, and interactions between family members. The video explores the complexities of family dynamics, particularly the tension between Austin's parents and his relationship with Santiago. Austin's parents express their disapproval, as seen when they say, 'we do not support this relationship with Santi, at all,' highlighting the challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in receiving familial acceptance.

💡Coming Out

Coming out is the process by which a person first acknowledges, accepts, and appreciates their sexual orientation or gender identity and then shares it with others. Santiago's coming out to his youth pastor and eventually to his family is a pivotal moment in the video, as it marks the beginning of his journey towards self-acceptance. He recalls, 'So I came out to my youth pastor, and he never tried to fix me,' indicating the supportive response that helped him in his journey.

💡Stereotype

A stereotype is a widely held but oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing. In the video, Santiago confronts stereotypes about his Mexican heritage, as well as about being gay. He discusses how his Christian friends saw 'being Mexican...like Nacho Libre,' and how societal expectations of masculinity affect him, as he says, 'Culture is trying to tell us that you should...be buff,' reflecting the pressure to conform to certain stereotypes.

💡Love and Relationships

The theme of love and relationships is central to the video, as it explores the romantic relationship between Santiago and Austin. Their love story is complicated by external factors such as religious beliefs and family acceptance. Austin's desire to have his parents meet Santiago to understand their relationship better, as expressed when he says, 'I want you to know Santi’s last name...how we interact together,' underscores the importance of love and acceptance in their relationship.

💡Religious Beliefs

Religious beliefs are the doctrines or teachings of a particular religion. In the video, religious beliefs play a significant role in shaping the characters' views and actions. Santiago's struggle with reconciling his faith with his sexuality is evident when he says, 'I never felt that my sexuality and my Christian faith were in conflict with the love of God,' indicating his personal belief in a loving and accepting God despite the challenges he faces.

💡Identity

Identity refers to the characteristics determining who or what a person or thing is. Santiago's search for identity is a recurring theme, as he navigates being gay, Mexican-American, and a Christian. He expresses this when he says, 'I had a couple different friend groups...I never felt like I really fit in,' showing his struggle to find a place where he can be his full self without having to compartmentalize his identity.

Highlights

Santiago's struggle with self-worth and faith in being loved despite his long journey.

Santiago's realization of his feelings for other guys in eighth grade and his subsequent prayers.

Introduction to Santiago Gonzalez the fourth, a student at a small Christian University in San Diego, California.

Santiago's anticipation of his family's reaction as he will be the first to graduate from college.

Austin and Santiago's relationship status and the challenges of being a gay couple at a Christian university.

Point Loma Nazarene University's ethical guidelines and their impact on Austin's identity and beliefs.

Austin's request to his parents to meet Santiago and their conditional agreement to have dinner.

Santiago's experience of feeling out of place among different friend groups at college.

Santiago's struggle with cultural stereotypes and expectations within his Christian and Mexican-American communities.

The support Santiago found among his Latina female friends where he could openly discuss his sexuality.

Santiago's prayer for acceptance and his view on the church as a place of love and belonging.

Austin's conflict with his parents' stance on his relationship with Santiago.

Santiago's perspective on manliness and the societal expectations placed on men.

Santiago's coming out journey and the support he received from his youth pastor and family.

The cultural tension Santiago experiences balancing his Mexican and American identities.

Austin's parents' decision not to have dinner with Santiago and the implications for future family gatherings.

Santiago's graduation and the celebration with his family, including Austin.

Austin's toast at the graduation party expressing his love and appreciation for Santiago.

Santiago's spiritual journey towards truth and reconciliation within himself and his faith.

Transcripts

[Santiago] God, how can I believe that I’m loved

when I’m trying for so long?

I’m not a terrible person. I’m not a terrible person.

I’m not a terrible person.

How do I let go?

How do I believe that I’m worth it?

In Your great name, I pray, amen.

I started noticing feelings for other guys

in like eighth grade.

Just being around my good surfer friends.

And that’s when I started praying.

I started thinking about this in a way, like …

this doesn’t seem like a phase anymore.

My name is Santiago Gonzalez the fourth,

and I go to a small Christian University

in San Diego, California.

I’ll be the first person from my family

to graduate from college.

[singing]

The biggest hurdles of this week will be the different parts

of my life coming together.

[Austin] Santi and I have been dating for about 10 months now,

but to say that we’re an openly gay couple is

a bit of a misnomer, because we’re pretty closed, based

on pretty much me, I’d say, because

of my jobs and affiliation with all the different groups

on campus that still abide by handbook rules.

Point Loma Nazarene University functions by Nazarene ethics

and rules, and so I signed a contract coming

into Point Loma talking about drugs and alcohol and all

that stuff, but it also talked about things

like pornography and sexual orientation and sexuality

in general.

And as I fell in love with a man,

I had to develop my own identity and my own beliefs

and trust those instead of focusing

so much on how other people defined

my relationship with God.

But I think one of the biggest excitements

for me is that I get to meet Santi’s family,

and that my parents are coming down for graduation too.

And so about a month ago I warned them, I was like,

“Hey, you guys are coming down for graduation.

I know you’re going to be here for the whole week beforehand.

It would mean a whole lot to me

if you would be willing to have dinner

with Santi and me.

It doesn’t have to be super deep

or super intense conversation, it’s

just, like, I want you to know Santi’s last name.

I want you to know what his face looks like

and how we interact together.”

A couple of days ago, they called me again and said,

“We’d like to do that.

But we want to make it really clear, Austin,

you are our son, and so we want to support you,

but we do not support this relationship with Santi

at all.”

[teacher] “As long as I can read your answers,

that’s what matters."

[student] “Can we use pen?"

“I have pencils."

[Santiago] The fact that I got to go to college in the first place,

I think it’s just such a … awesome opportunity,

to be around people that really

try to nurture our faith.

“Can I dip the bread in the juice?"

“It’s been somewhat blessed, like I

prayed over it a little bit."

“You prayed over it?"

“Just a little bit."

[Santiago] I think the church is supposed

to be this place of this is who you are,

and you are fully loved.

And I feel like it’s almost in parentheses, it’s like,

to become a normal person is to accept

Jesus Christ into your life.

I think that alone creates a lot

of tension between Christians and non-Christians.

“Lord, we’re in awe of your provision and grace.

Thank you for the hospitality of our host

and for the courage of every team member

and leaders in saying yes to your invitation

to love our brothers and sisters around the world."

[Santiago] Throughout my experience at Point Loma,

I had a couple different friend groups,

just because I never felt like I really fit in,

whether it was with, like, my Latino friends

or my gay-affirming friends, or my Christian friends.

I felt like there was one part of me

that I could express, or like a couple different parts,

but never my full self, because people

wouldn’t really understand all of it in each friend group.

Like with my Christian friends that

were like dominantly white, for them, being

Mexican was like Nacho Libre to them.

I see that stereotype, and I like to make fun of it too,

but you only see the stereotype,

that’s when it becomes a problem.

“Yeah, I just have like one spot of dandruff."

“Just one?"

“But I kind of like it."

“Santi, what are you doing?"

“Hair masks.”

One of the places that I found myself most comfortable

was with my Latina female friends.

“Yeah."

“But hopefully he won’t do his roots this time."

My sexuality — I could bring that up,

and they didn’t care, and they seemed more open about it.

“What are you doing?"

“Just a little bit."

“Ahhh!"

“That’s what I did."

“Here it is."

[teacher] “As a borrower, you agree to repay your loans,

make monthly payments on time, direct all correspondence,

to your lender/servicer, notify the lender

and servicer of any or all changes,

including your name, address — "

In high school, I didn’t feel those voices

of, like, shame in my life.

I was just a shy person.

I remember praying to God a lot

while I was coming to terms with my sexuality.

I began to feel the expectations of the way

some of the people in my Christian community viewed

right and wrong, but I never felt

that my sexuality and my Christian faith

were in conflict with the love of God

that I had experienced.

[music]

“Stay close."

“I’m so sorry.

I am so sorry.

Viewer discretion is advised!”

[Austin] Hey, Santi.

I just got off the phone with my parents,

and they didn’t necessarily say

that they wouldn’t have dinner with us,

but that if they did, it would be to convince you

and me why we shouldn’t be in a relationship.

[crying] Even though I know they believe it’s right

and they’re doing what’s right, it’s just hard for me

to keep saying, like, “We don’t have to talk about Santi.”

Because all of you are people that I really love.

But they’re asking me to choose, you know?

I think the hardest thing for me right now

is to realize that I really, deeply

do want to have dinner with you and my parents,

but I also don’t ever want you to be treated like you’re not

being valued as a person, and that you’re just someone

that they’re trying to convince is wrong for being

in love with me, and that I’m wrong for being

in love with you.

[Santiago] Yeah.

If that’s something they feel they need to do, then yeah,

I’m willing to be there for you.

[Santiago] When I think of manliness, I think of someone

who fights for who they are.

Culture is trying to tell us that you

should dress a certain way.

You should act a certain way.

You should be buff.

You shouldn’t cry.

You should have sex with tons of women.

But I feel like they’re just boxes

that we get tossed into, like whether it’s by our families

or by our peers or by our teachers.

And as you grow, you start naming things about yourself,

and you start becoming those things.

In ninth grade, I didn’t know how

to navigate the sexual attraction part.

And just being a ninth grade boy was like urges,

and you have to talk about those things.

So I came out to my youth pastor,

and he never tried to fix me.

He just listened to me, and hugged me,

and gave me that strength to know that I was loved.

And eventually I ended up telling my mom

and my dad and my sister.

They were confused by it.

What my dad, his sister is gay.

But he had these ideas of what it

meant to be a man that were so deeply rooted,

from Mexican culture and these different norms that are

enforced upon Mexican males.

And so for him, it was just like, his sister, that’s OK.

She’s a woman.

But like when he came to his son,

he was just very disappointed, I think.

I have struggled figuring out how

to balance being a Mexican and being an American.

I would say I am a Chicano by definition,

but by sentiment, I feel like I relate more to my parents

in a sense that they were born and raised in Mexico

and then immigrated.

Like, I’d identify more with that than the Chicano

definition, like born and raised in the United States

with Mexican roots.

Even though that is me."

“Bravo!

Bravo!"

“Thank you very much.

And now, I’m going to appear it."

“Both my parents didn’t have a college education.

My dad was like stereotypically Mexican macho

man."

“Are you from the United States of America?"

“Here it goes!

One — "

“There was definitely pressure on me — "

“Two — "

" — to provide for your family —

Three!"

" — and be able to protect them."

“Santi, I just talked with my parents,

and they told me that it’s OK, that us not having dinner

tonight means that there’s going

to be a divide in between us as a couple

and them as my parents, and that it’s OK

that we’re not going to be spending Christmas

and Thanksgiving together.

And I think that to admit to me that it’s OK, [inaudible]

it’s OK that we’re not going to spend really

important days together in the future, just

made me feel really small.

Like everyone goes through this, Austin,

it’s not that big of a deal, you know?

You know that I love you, so that makes it OK."

“I think I have faith that if they met me,

if they talked to me face-to-face and told

me those things to my face, I think it would be different.

By meeting me, I’m no longer this distant thing,

but I’d become a human.

They’d see a face."

“She literally said, Santi, you

will never be welcome at our house.

You’ll never be able to walk through our front door

and be welcomed in."

“You’re graduating.

It’s the morning of graduation.

You a scaredy cat?

Whoo!"

“After graduating, my family’s throwing a party

to celebrate, and Austin will be there too."

[interposing voices]

“Time for the toast!"

[interposing voices]

“What are we saying?

Just why we love Santi?

OK.

Well, hi, everybody.

I’m Austin.

Pleased to meet you all.

Wow.

Why do I love Santi?"

“Austin, maybe you’re going to feel better if I — "

[interposing voices]

“So Santi and I met for the first time freshman

year, and didn’t think much of it,

but I thought, at the same time,

he was someone that I wanted to talk to and just

get to know a little bit.

And that didn’t really happen until —

I think the next time I saw you, we were surfing?

We were out in the ocean.

And I was, like, freaking out, because I’d never

been surfing before, so I went over to him

and I was like, Santi, teach me how to surf.

That’s when I started to think, like, OK,

this kid’s pretty cool.

He’s so calm and pensive, and that’s the opposite of me.

I’m very like, eccentric and out there.

So it was attractive to me, to see

someone who’s so thoughtful.

And I think that’s something really special

that you bring to my life about stopping and slowing

down, when so often I want to run through everything.

But knowing to just appreciate people for who they are,

and I know you love me, and I know I love you too, so."

“Aww."

“The closer I get to God, the more

I seek truth and reconciliation

between the parts of me that seem to conflict

or fight one another, the more it

seems that God just wants me to let go accept myself."