How To Do The Six Steps Of Inner Bonding with Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Summary
TLDRThis video introduces the six steps of 'Inner Bonding,' a self-healing process for managing emotional pain. The key idea is to embrace painful feelings instead of avoiding them. By opening up to love and compassion, individuals can dialogue with their inner child to understand and heal from false beliefs. Through connecting with higher guidance, people can access the wisdom to take loving actions and improve emotional well-being. The process promotes self-love, self-responsibility, and ultimately, discovering one’s purpose and joy in life.
Takeaways
- 🌟 Inner bonding is an alternative to external addictions and self-abandonment, focusing on self-love and compassion.
- 🔑 Step one in inner bonding is the willingness to feel and embrace painful feelings, which is essential for personal growth.
- ❤️ Step two involves opening one's heart to love and compassion, which are seen as spiritual gifts rather than personal emotions.
- 🗣️ Step three is a dialogue process where one asks their inner child about the source of their pain and how they are treating themselves.
- 🧠 Step four is about accessing higher guidance or inner wisdom to challenge and reframe false beliefs that contribute to pain.
- 💡 Step five emphasizes taking loving action towards oneself based on the insights gained from the previous steps.
- 🔄 Step six is about evaluating the effects of the loving actions taken and iterating the process until a sense of relief and improvement is felt.
- 💖 The practice of inner bonding leads to a more profound connection with one's essence and the discovery of one's life's purpose or calling.
- 🌱 Inner bonding is a continuous process that requires practice and is supported by resources available on the Inner Bonding website.
- 🌐 As one's inner bond strengthens, they become better equipped to manifest their dreams and live a life aligned with their true essence.
Q & A
What are the six steps of inner bonding mentioned in the script?
-The six steps of inner bonding are: 1) Willingness to feel painful feelings, 2) Moving into the heart and inviting love and compassion, 3) Engaging in a dialogue process to understand the cause of feelings, 4) Opening to higher guidance and inner wisdom, 5) Taking loving action based on the guidance received, and 6) Evaluating the results of the loving action and repeating the steps if necessary.
Why is it important to feel our painful feelings according to the script?
-Feeling our painful feelings is important because it allows us to learn from them and take responsibility for comforting and managing them. Avoiding these feelings can lead to addictions and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
How does the presence of love and compassion play a role in inner bonding?
-Love and compassion are seen as gifts of spirit that we invite into our hearts when we open to learning. They help us to safely explore and understand our feelings without judgment.
What is the purpose of the dialogue process in step three of inner bonding?
-The dialogue process in step three is meant to explore how we are treating ourselves internally and what external factors might be causing our feelings. It's about understanding the messages we tell ourselves that lead to pain.
Why is it necessary to access our higher guidance in step four of inner bonding?
-Accessing higher guidance in step four helps us to challenge and replace false beliefs with truths. It allows us to understand what loving actions we can take towards ourselves.
What does taking loving action in step five entail?
-Taking loving action in step five means actually implementing the insights and guidance received from our higher self. This could involve standing up for ourselves, changing habits, or making healthier choices.
How does evaluating the results of our actions in step six help in inner bonding?
-Evaluating the results of our actions in step six helps us to assess whether our loving actions have led to an improvement in our emotional state. If not, it guides us to revisit the steps and find more effective ways to love and support ourselves.
What is the significance of inner bonding in discovering our life's blueprint according to the script?
-Inner bonding is significant in discovering our life's blueprint because as we practice it and connect with our essence, we uncover our true purpose and calling in life. This process helps us to align with our highest good and manifest our dreams.
Why is it suggested that focusing on loving oneself is not selfish in the context of inner bonding?
-Focusing on loving oneself is not selfish because it enables us to fill ourselves with love, which then allows us to have love to share with others. Selfishness is described as abandoning oneself and expecting others to fulfill our needs.
What resources are available for learning more about inner bonding according to the script?
-The script mentions that there are many resources available on the website 'innerbonding.com', including courses, programs, and free materials to support learning the process of inner bonding.
Outlines
🔍 Introduction to Inner Bonding and Embracing Pain
The speaker introduces the six steps of inner bonding as an alternative to learned behavior patterns and addictive tendencies. The first step emphasizes the importance of feeling and embracing painful emotions—both core and wounded feelings—rather than avoiding them through self-abandonment or external distractions. The key to progress is taking responsibility for managing and learning from these feelings.
❤️ Inviting Compassion and the Learning Process
The second step involves inviting love and compassion into the heart, not as feelings generated internally, but as gifts from the spirit. By opening to the intention of learning to love oneself, a person can create a loving adult self. The importance of approaching inner pain with genuine curiosity and compassion, rather than criticism or judgment, is highlighted. This creates a safe space for understanding and transformation.
🗣️ Dialogue with the Inner Child
In step three, the speaker introduces a dialogue process where the 'inner child,' representing the emotional self, is asked how external situations or internal beliefs are causing pain. By compassionately exploring these emotions, one can identify false beliefs and negative self-talk, such as the pressure to be perfect or the fear of failure. This step emphasizes understanding the root of anxiety or emotional distress by exploring how we treat ourselves.
🌟 Accessing Higher Guidance and Breaking False Beliefs
Step four focuses on connecting with higher guidance or inner wisdom. This connection becomes possible when the intention is to learn about self-love rather than control or avoidance. The speaker explains that accessing this wisdom helps break free from false beliefs about control and perfectionism. The goal is to raise one's frequency, seek the truth, and identify loving actions that align with one’s highest good.
💪 Taking Loving Action
Step five stresses the importance of taking concrete actions based on the insights gained in the previous steps. It’s not enough to identify the loving action; one must actively implement it, whether it’s standing up for oneself, improving health, or practicing self-compassion. The speaker uses the metaphor of a hungry child to illustrate the necessity of following through on loving actions, rather than just acknowledging emotions.
📊 Evaluating the Effects of Loving Action
In step six, the speaker encourages evaluating the impact of the loving actions taken. The goal is to assess whether emotions like anxiety, depression, guilt, or anger have subsided. If relief hasn’t been achieved, one should repeat the steps to find the right action. Through this process, individuals can experience peace, joy, and a sense of safety as they fill themselves with love from their higher guidance.
🎁 Discovering and Manifesting Your Life’s Calling
The speaker discusses how practicing inner bonding helps individuals access their true essence and life’s calling. By raising their frequency and taking responsibility for their emotions, people can manifest their dreams and live in alignment with their true purpose. The speaker shares that through inner bonding, many people uncover their unique talents and gifts, which they can then offer to the world.
🌍 Offering Your Gifts to the World
In the final paragraph, the speaker emphasizes the importance of offering one's gifts to the world as part of self-love. The more individuals practice inner bonding, the more they align with their essence and discover what brings them joy. By manifesting their calling, people can contribute to the planet, creating a life filled with purpose and fulfillment. Inner bonding not only brings personal joy but also enhances one’s ability to share love and gifts with others.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Inner Bonding
💡Core Painful Feelings
💡Higher Guidance
💡Loving Adult Self
💡False Beliefs
💡Wounded Self
💡Compassion
💡Loving Action
💡Helplessness
💡Anxiety
Highlights
The first step of inter-bonding is being willing to feel your painful feelings, especially the wounded and core painful feelings, instead of avoiding them.
Avoiding core painful feelings often leads to addictions, but learning to compassionately manage and embrace these feelings helps prevent self-abandonment.
In step two, you move into your heart, inviting love and compassion, which are gifts from spirit, to guide you in loving yourself.
If you approach your feelings from a place of self-criticism or control, you won't be able to access your higher wisdom, as it requires openness and a genuine desire to learn about loving yourself.
Step three involves a dialogue with your feelings, identifying what you're telling yourself or how you're treating yourself that is causing your wounded emotions.
Feelings of helplessness are one of the hardest to manage, and many people react to it with rage or frustration, particularly in situations where they have no control.
Step four involves opening to higher guidance and wisdom to find the truth about false beliefs and discovering what the most loving action is for yourself.
The intention to control others or get rid of your pain blocks access to higher wisdom, as this wisdom exists at a higher frequency than controlling intentions.
Being perfect or controlling how people feel about you doesn't work, and learning to accept mistakes as a part of life is crucial for self-compassion.
Step five is about taking loving action once you've identified what will help you, whether it's standing up for yourself, changing habits, or being kinder to yourself.
In step six, you evaluate the effects of your loving actions to see if your emotional state improves, and if not, you repeat the steps to find the right action.
The inner bonding process can lead to feelings of joy, peace, and love as you fill yourself with love from within, making it easier to share love with others.
Focusing on loving yourself first isn't selfish; it's a way to take responsibility for your feelings so you're not reliant on others to make you feel okay.
As people practice inner bonding, they often uncover their life's blueprint, revealing their true calling and allowing them to manifest their dreams.
Manifestation is tied to raising your energy frequency by being loving to yourself and filling yourself with love, which enables you to attract your dreams.
Transcripts
[Music]
okay now let's go over to the right side
of the chart and I'm going to briefly go
through with you the six steps of inter
bonding because this is the alternative
this is the alternative to doing all
these program things that we learn to do
for so many years this is what you can
turn to when there's anything other than
peace inside okay so step one of inter
bonding is that you have to be willing
to feel your painful feelings if you're
not willing to feel the the wounded
feelings and learn from them if you're
not willing to feel the core painful
feelings you see the core painful
feelings are what all those addictions
are about because if you don't learn to
lovingly manage these core painful
feelings you've got to avoid them and so
in step one you are willing to embrace
to compassionately feel all feelings the
wounded ones the core ones and to find a
place in you that wants responsibility
for that wants responsibility for
comforting them for learning from them
for managing them that's step one and we
can't proceed until you decide that
you're willing to feel your painful
feelings rather than continue to avoid
them with all of those various ways of
abandoning yourself now once you feel
your pain then you move into step two
you move into your heart you invite the
presence of love in in the presence of
compassion in love and compassion are
not feelings we generate in our own body
they are gifts of spirit when we open to
learning we are inviting the gifts of
spirit into our heart we're inviting the
love and compassion into our heart
and in step two we consciously say I
want to learn about loving myself that's
what creates the loving adult self is
that I want to learn about loving myself
I'm inviting in love and compassion
now just as if if you have a child who
say crying and you say to the child
what's what's the matter now you know
just tell me what's the matter now I
really want to know what's going on is
that child gonna feel safe to talk to
you ah they're gonna feel intimidated
they're gonna feel scared they're
probably lied to you same thing on the
inner level if you're just trying to get
rid of your pain if you're coming from
your wound itself and you're saying to
yourself okay what is it now what do I
need to do and what have I done or
what's going on that you're not gonna
get anywhere but if you're in your heart
with compassion for your own feelings
then you move into step 3 and step 3 is
a dialogue process where you're asking
the feeling a part of you your inner
child is the feeling part of you you're
asking how am i treating it what am i
telling you that's causing these wounded
feelings or what's happening externally
with a person or a situation that's
causing these core painful feelings so
we're open to learning we want to know
what's happening we want to know what
we're doing how we're treating ourselves
or what's happening in the environment
that may be causing our loneliness or
our heartache or our helplessness
feelings of helplessness over others you
know helplessness is one of the hardest
feelings to feel think about what
happens on a freeway and you're you're
driving down and somebody cuts you off
how many people get enraged I mean
there's that road rage where they're
actually killed people because they
won't feel their helplessness
they won't compassionately feel it I
have so many clients so somebody cuts
them off on the freeway in their car
they're swearing in their
how can they do this Sameer what good is
that doing is that doing any good at all
that person doesn't hear them it's
already happened they've already cut you
off you're helpless over the fact that
they did that so it's much better for
your immune system to just say ah that
helplessness is really a tough feeling
but I'm right here
I'm feeling it I I have compassion for
myself that that's really a tough thing
or somebody you're close to is treating
themselves really badly you know you're
into good eating and they're stuffing
themselves with junk how bad does that
make you feel to see them do that it's
awful but as much as you try and
convince them you're helpless you're
helpless over other people we don't have
control over other people and so
learning to manage our helplessness with
compassion with caring with gentleness
tenderness towards ourselves is very
important in keeping ourselves in
balance not going into stress so in step
3 were exploring and let's say you feel
anxious and you realize you're feeling
anxious then you say to yourself what am
i telling you how am i treating you
that's causing this anxiety and then you
go inside
and you let that that feeling speak to
you that inner child and that inner
child might say to you you're putting a
lot of pressure on me well you're
telling me that I I better look good or
I better lose all this weight or I
better perform or I better get an A or I
better not mess up at this or or you
know I something better do something
differently and I feel very pressured
when you do that when you put on when
you tell me I'm not good enough you're
telling me I'm not good enough the way
that I am
you're telling me nobody likes me you're
telling me I'm gonna end up in the
streets
you're telling me I'll never succeed
there's so many things we could tell
ourselves that create anxiety
well in step three we're trying to
understand what are we telling ourselves
that's creating this and once we
understand what we're telling ourselves
then we open to learning with the
wounded part of ourselves the part
that's up here that is programmed and we
say well there must be a good reason
that you're telling this inner child
that you can't make a mistake
that it's not okay to make a mistake
that it's not okay to fail must be a
good reason we're saying that to
ourselves so then we go in and we look
at okay what do we believe about that we
believe that we can control how people
feel about us if we never make a mistake
we can control how people feel about us
if we act perfectly and so it's all
about control and once we get a good
idea of the false beliefs that were
coming from then we move into step four
in step four we open to our higher
guidance our inner wisdom our Higher
Self and the interesting thing that
happens in the inner bonding process is
that when your intention is to learn
about loving yourself you are able to
access that higher wisdom when your
intention is to control or get rid of
your pain or to control somebody else
you will not be able to access it
because our our higher self exists at a
higher frequency then than we do you
know our our bodies are fairly dense
they operate at a low frequency so we
can see each other like if we operated
like a hummingbird's wings going really
really fast we wouldn't be able to see
each other that's a very high frequency
so we have to see each other but we can
raise the frequency of our energy and
the intention to learn about loving
ourselves starting with loving ourselves
first because if we're going to loving
others first we're going to completely
bypass ourselves and that actually can
become manipulative all of you so you'll
love me and so we have to start with
loving ourselves first and so when we
have the intention to learn about loving
ourselves then our frequency goes high
enough and we can access our higher
wisdom and so when in in Step four we're
saying well what's the truth about any
of these false beliefs and we start to
get truth and we say what's the loving
action towards myself what's in my
highest good and so let's say you know
I've been telling myself that it's not
okay to make a mistake and I go to my
guidance my guidance says you know
mistakes are a part of life you can
learn from your mistakes and you know
what being perfect doesn't have any
control over anybody they're gonna do
what they're gonna do anyway and there's
no such thing as perfect so then I'd say
well what's the loving action and the
loving action might be to say to my
inner child
you know what it's okay to make a
mistake it's okay to fall on your face
I'm gonna love you anyway because you
know what your love ability is not in
your performance your love ability is in
your kindness it's in your caring it's
in your compassion it's in your inherent
goodness it's in your individual form of
intelligence and creativity think for a
moment about how do you choose your
friends do you choose them based on how
they look and and and the performance or
do you choose them mostly by their
kindness their caring their generosity
most people will say oh I choose them
because they're kind they're caring
they're generous there loving they
support me they're there for me most
people will say that well let's say that
about ourselves too let's choose
ourselves because of who we really are
inside our true beautiful essence and
our higher guidance we'll say you can
love yourself even if you fail you can
love yourself even if somebody
like you you can love yourself even if
you fall on your face well now when I
say that to my and her child the anxiety
goes away now in step 5
we have to take the action we have to
actually say it and then we have to
treat ourselves as if we're we are
actually those loving beings so in step
5
we take loving action now in step 4 we
might find all kinds of actions it might
be that we have to stand up to somebody
and speak our truth it might be that we
need to change our diet it might be that
we need to read about health it might be
that we need to go back to school or
change jobs or start getting some
exercise or get more sleep or start
paying heart stop being so hard on
ourselves there's all kinds of things
that guidance might tell us about what
would be loving to ourselves so in step
5 we now have to do it if we don't do it
it doesn't mean anything for example if
a child comes to you and says I'm hungry
and you say oh thank you for sharing and
you don't get food
you're not taking loving action and so
when our inner child lets us in on how
we're feeling and we go to our guidance
for loving action now in step 5
we have to take the loving action and
then in step 6
we go in and we evaluate how am I
feeling as a result of taking this
loving engine is my anxiety lower is my
depression less my guilt my shame my
emptiness my anger am I feeling some
comfort inside as a result of bringing
compassion to my loneliness or my
helplessness or my heartache so in step
six we evaluate and if we're not feeling
relief if we're not feeling better we go
back through the steps until we find the
loving action so take a look at your
chart at what happens when you do the
six steps of inner bonding
things start to come alive you start to
feel safe if you start to feel joy start
to feel peace inside and one of the big
things that happens is that you get all
filled up with love you feel love inside
when you learn to connect to your higher
guidance you learn to bring that love
inside and then you have love to share
with others if you're empty if you're
abandoning yourself you don't have love
to share with others lots of times
people say to me well isn't it selfish
just to focus on loving yourself
actually it's the least selfish thing to
do
what selfishness is is abandoning
yourself and then making other people
responsible for making you okay they
have to give themselves up for you to be
okay it's not at all selfish to do inner
bonding and learn to love yourself and
take responsibility for your own
feelings learn to fill yourself up with
love so that you're overflowing and you
have love to share in the world and one
of the things that happens as people
practice inner bonding and they discover
more and more about their essence is
that the blueprint for their calling
they start to access that because we all
come into life with a blueprint for what
were hurt we're here to do now I found
out really early when I was five what
that blueprint was for me but not
everybody finds out so early in their
lives what they came to do on this
planet and if you shoved aside your
essence for so long you may not know
what really brings you joy to offer the
planet we are here to offer to the
planet our gifts our talents our love
that's what fills us up the most is
offering who we really are to the planet
but if you don't know what your calling
is then you might not be offering that
you might be stuck in a job that you
don't
like which is not really loving to
yourself but what I've seen over and
over and over again is that the more
people practice inter bonding the more
they uncover their essence and
eventually they come in touch with that
blueprint it's there in each and every
one of us and then because they've been
practicing inter bonding and developing
their loving adult and then they can
start to manifest that manifestation
comes from raising our frequency taking
responsibility for our feelings being
being loving to ourselves and filling
ourselves with love and then we're able
to manifest our dreams and so the
practice of inter bonding is extremely
powerful as I said it takes practice
it's not something you learn in a day
but we have a lot of support on our
website inter bonding calm lots of ways
of learning the process we have many
courses we have programs we have free
free stuff lots and lots of free stuff
on our website that enables you to get
the support you need to learn this
process
[Music]
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