Intrusive Thoughts and Overthinking: The Skill of Cognitive Defusion 20/30

Summary

This video script delves into cognitive defusion, a powerful skill for managing mental health by differentiating between having a thought and believing it. It illustrates how our thoughts can dictate our reality and offers techniques to detach from unhelpful thoughts, such as naming them or using singing to defuse their power. The script contrasts cognitive defusion with CBT, emphasizing the importance of choosing thoughts that align with our values for a healthier mindset.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Our thoughts often go unnoticed but significantly influence our perception of the world.
• 🔄 When we don't like our thoughts, we might fight them, leading to an exhausting cycle of overthinking.
• 👓 Thoughts are like glasses; they shape our view of reality, whether we see the world as mean or inherently good.
• 💡 The video introduces 'cognitive defusion' as a skill to disengage from being controlled by our thoughts.
• 🌟 Cognitive defusion empowers us to handle emotions, combat depression, and alleviate anxiety by not buying into every thought.
• 🤝 It's important to learn how to support those with mental health issues, as many people lack the skills and knowledge to do so.
• 🧠 'Cognitive fusion' is the automatic belief in every thought that arises, leading to being stuck with those thoughts.
• 🔑 Recognizing and separating from our thoughts allows us to choose which ones to act on, rather than being dictated by subconscious thoughts.
• 🌱 The story of Miguel illustrates how cognitive fusion can create anxiety and how defusion can provide relief.
• 🎯 Cognitive defusion techniques, such as thanking your mind for a thought or using singing and silly voices, help create distance from thoughts.
• 🌐 The video concludes by differentiating cognitive defusion from CBT, emphasizing the value of choice and living according to our values.

Q & A

What is the main concept discussed in the script?

The main concept discussed in the script is cognitive defusion, which is the skill of separating oneself from one's thoughts to gain power over them instead of letting them dictate one's mood, choices, and happiness.

How does cognitive fusion affect our experience of the world?

Cognitive fusion is when we are stuck to our thoughts, believing everything our mind tells us without questioning it. This can color our view of the world and make it difficult to change our perspective or behavior.

What is the difference between cognitive fusion and cognitive defusion?

Cognitive fusion is the state of being attached to our thoughts, believing them without question, while cognitive defusion is the skill of noticing our thoughts without buying into them, allowing us to choose which thoughts to act on.

Why is it important to learn cognitive defusion skills?

Learning cognitive defusion skills is important because it helps in processing emotions, fighting depression and anxiety, and improving mental health by allowing us to choose which thoughts to engage with and which to let go.

What is an example of cognitive fusion provided in the script?

An example of cognitive fusion in the script is Miguel's belief that he must never make anyone feel bad, which leads to anxiety and prevents him from enjoying social situations.

How does the script suggest we can change our relationship with negative thoughts?

The script suggests we can change our relationship with negative thoughts by practicing cognitive defusion techniques such as naming thoughts, thanking the mind for thoughts, using singing and silly voices, and symbolically putting thoughts onto objects.

What is the 'leaves on a stream' exercise mentioned in the script?

The 'leaves on a stream' exercise is a mindfulness practice where one observes their thoughts as if they were leaves floating on a stream, allowing them to pass without getting attached to them.

How does cognitive defusion relate to mental health?

Cognitive defusion relates to mental health by providing a tool to manage intrusive or negative thoughts, which can be detrimental to mental well-being, and by fostering a healthier relationship with our thoughts.

What is the role of cognitive defusion in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)?

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), cognitive defusion is a core skill that helps individuals create psychological flexibility, allowing them to commit to actions that align with their values despite the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings.

How does the script differentiate between cognitive defusion and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)?

The script differentiates cognitive defusion from CBT by highlighting that while CBT focuses on challenging and altering thoughts, cognitive defusion in ACT involves creating a space between oneself and thoughts to observe and choose whether to engage with them.

What is the significance of the phrase 'I'm having the thought that...' used in the script?

The phrase 'I'm having the thought that...' is significant because it helps in creating a separation between the individual and their thoughts, allowing them to observe their thoughts without immediately buying into them.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Understanding Cognitive Fusion and Defusion

This paragraph introduces the concept of cognitive fusion, where individuals are unaware of their own thought processes and simply accept them as reality. It explains that our thoughts can be like glasses that color our perception of the world, and that often we're not even aware of these thoughts. The paragraph also introduces cognitive defusion, which is the skill of being able to observe our thoughts without being consumed by them. This skill is crucial for managing emotions, combating depression and anxiety, and improving mental health. The speaker emphasizes the importance of learning to separate oneself from their thoughts to gain control over them, rather than being controlled by them.

05:03

👥 Helping Others with Mental Illness

The speaker discusses the prevalence of mental illness and the common uncertainty people feel when they want to help someone experiencing it. They mention a course they've created that includes 55 short videos aimed at teaching individuals how to support friends or loved ones with mental health issues. The course covers building relationships, setting boundaries, and accessing resources. The speaker also shares a story about a young man named Miguel who suffers from social anxiety, illustrating how cognitive fusion can manifest in social situations and lead to distress.

10:05

🔄 Overcoming Cognitive Fusion Through Defusion

This paragraph delves deeper into Miguel's story, showing how cognitive fusion affected his social interactions and led to anxiety. The speaker identifies an unwritten rule Miguel had that contributed to his anxiety: he believed he could never make anyone feel bad. Once Miguel became aware of this rule, he was able to challenge it and replace it with a more helpful thought. The paragraph introduces several exercises to practice cognitive defusion, such as acknowledging thoughts without judgment, naming thoughts, and using humor or singing to defuse their power.

15:08

🌿 Practicing Cognitive Defusion Techniques

The speaker provides various techniques to help viewers practice cognitive defusion, such as writing thoughts down, using silly voices to say them aloud, and symbolically associating thoughts with objects. These methods help create a tangible representation of thoughts, allowing individuals to observe them without being consumed by them. The paragraph also contrasts cognitive defusion with cognitive behavioral therapy, highlighting the importance of choosing whether to engage with a thought based on its helpfulness. The speaker concludes by emphasizing the value of cognitive defusion in living a life aligned with one's values, rather than being trapped by unhelpful thoughts.

Keywords

💡Cognitive Fusion

Cognitive fusion refers to the process where an individual becomes so entangled with their thoughts that they automatically believe and act on them without questioning. In the video, it is described as the problem of being stuck to your thoughts, buying into every thought that passes through your mind without even noticing it. An example given is Miguel, who gets anxious in social situations and believes every negative thought he has, like 'I might say something wrong' or 'I'm a loser', which leads to more anxiety.

💡Cognitive Defusion

Cognitive defusion is the skill of creating a mental separation between oneself and one's thoughts, allowing for a more objective perspective on them. It is the ability to notice thoughts without buying into them, which is crucial for managing emotions and mental health. The video explains that cognitive defusion is the difference between having a thought and buying a thought, and it is a powerful skill for combating depression and anxiety.

💡Overthinking

Overthinking is the act of excessively and obsessively dwelling on thoughts, often leading to stress and anxiety. In the context of the video, overthinking is depicted as a struggle against one's thoughts, which steals attention and energy. The video suggests that instead of getting stuck in an endless loop of overthinking, one should practice cognitive defusion to gain control over their thoughts.

💡Mental Health

Mental health refers to an individual's emotional, psychological, and social well-being. The video emphasizes the importance of mental health and introduces cognitive defusion as a skill to improve it. It suggests that by learning to separate oneself from negative thoughts, one can gain power over their thoughts and improve their mental health.

💡Emotional Processing

Emotional processing is the ability to effectively manage and respond to one's emotions. The video discusses how cognitive defusion is a key skill for processing emotions, as it allows individuals to separate from their thoughts and respond to their emotions in a healthier way. It is presented as an essential skill for resolving depression, anxiety, and improving overall mental health.

💡Thoughts as Glasses

The video uses the metaphor of 'thoughts as glasses' to illustrate how our thoughts shape our perception of the world. Just as glasses can alter what we see, our thoughts can color our view of reality. If we believe the world is a terrible place, that's what we'll perceive; if we believe people are good, we'll find evidence of that. This concept is used to explain the impact of cognitive fusion and the benefits of cognitive defusion.

💡Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment. The video touches on mindfulness as a part of cognitive defusion, where individuals learn to observe their thoughts without judgment, which allows them to be more present and less controlled by their thoughts. It is suggested as a way to break free from the cycle of cognitive fusion.

💡Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of psychotherapy that emphasizes accepting what is out of personal control and committing to action to improve and live a meaningful life. The video discusses ACT as the framework within which cognitive defusion is taught, and it is presented as a method for freeing individuals to live the life they value instead of being consumed by their thoughts.

💡Internal Dialogue

Internal dialogue refers to the ongoing stream of thoughts and self-talk that occurs in an individual's mind. The video discusses how to manage this internal dialogue through cognitive defusion. It suggests techniques such as thanking the mind for a thought or using singing and silly voices to defuse the power of negative self-talk.

💡Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the capacity for recognizing and understanding one's own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. The video highlights self-awareness as a critical component of cognitive defusion. By becoming aware of one's thoughts as just thoughts, individuals can choose whether to act on them or let them pass, thus gaining more control over their reactions and behaviors.

Highlights

Our daily thoughts are often unnoticed and yet they significantly influence our perception of the world.

When we become aware of unwelcome thoughts, our natural tendency is to fight them, which can lead to an exhausting cycle of overthinking.

The concept of cognitive defusion is introduced as a method to disengage from the constant stream of thoughts.

Cognitive defusion allows individuals to view their thoughts objectively, deciding which to embrace and which to discard.

This skill is particularly beneficial in managing emotions, combating depression, and reducing anxiety.

The video offers a course that teaches how to support loved ones experiencing mental health issues, including setting boundaries and accessing resources.

Cognitive fusion is defined as the automatic acceptance of every thought, which can lead to mental distress.

The story of Miguel illustrates how cognitive fusion can create social anxiety and impede enjoyment of social activities.

Miguel's internal 'rule' of never making anyone feel bad was identified as a source of his anxiety, showcasing the impact of unconscious beliefs.

Cognitive defusion is presented as an antidote to cognitive fusion, enabling a more mindful and less restrictive relationship with thoughts.

Exercises are provided to help viewers practice cognitive defusion, such as acknowledging thoughts without judgment.

The 'leaves on a stream' exercise is mentioned as a method to visualize cognitive defusion.

Naming thoughts, like 'Billy Bob,' is suggested as a technique to distance oneself from negative thought patterns.

Thanking the mind for a thought is introduced as a way to acknowledge its presence without internalizing its message.

Using singing and silly voices to repeat thoughts can help in detaching from their perceived seriousness.

Placing thoughts onto physical objects, like writing them on paper or carrying a rock, can provide a tangible way to handle cognitive defusion.

Cognitive defusion is contrasted with CBT's approach of challenging thoughts, offering a different perspective on managing mental health.

The video concludes with an encouragement to use cognitive defusion to live a life aligned with one's values, rather than being controlled by thoughts.

Transcripts

You have a million thoughts a day, but you don't  even notice them; you just believe them. We swim  

through our thoughts like a fish swims through  water - we don't even notice that the way we think  

colors our view of the world. Or sometimes we do  notice, right. Sometimes we notice thoughts we  

don't like, and then we don't know what to do with  them. Sometimes you fight them or you struggle  

against them, but you know if, for example, you  think, "Oh, I'm such an idiot," and then you  

tell yourself, "No, I'm the smartest person in the  world," that doesn't necessarily feel any better.  

So sometimes you get stuck in an endless loop of  overthinking, obsessively struggling against a  

thought or obsessively worrying about something.  But that's not any better because struggle steals  

your attention and your energy. Our thoughts are  like glasses: they are the lens through which  

we see the world. If you think the world is a  terrible, mean place, that's what you'll see.  

If you think people are inherently good, that's  what you'll find. In this video, you're going  

to learn how to get unstuck from your thoughts.  You're going to learn how to look at your thoughts  

instead of through them. You're going to learn how  to take off your glasses, how to look at them and  

then decide if you want to hang on to them or if  you want to choose a different pair. This skill  

is called cognitive defusion. It's the difference  between having a thought and buying a thought.  

This is such a powerful skill for processing  emotions and fighting depression and anxiety.  

If you want to improve your mental health,  the skill of cognitive defusion teaches you  

to separate yourself from your thoughts. And  this can give you power over your thoughts  

instead of letting them run the show. Do you  know at least three people? If so, then the odds  

are good that you know someone who experiences  mental illness. But if you're like most people,  

you may feel anxious and uncertain about how  to help. Everyone needs to learn these skills,  

but most people are never taught them. So I built  a course with 55 short videos teaching how to  

help when a friend or loved one experiences mental  illness. In this course, you'll learn how to build  

a relationship of influence, how to set healthy  boundaries, what to say, and what not to say. And  

in addition to these personal skills you'll also  learn how to help them access resources that you  

might not even know about and what to do if they  won't get help or if they don't want to talk about  

it. You really can learn how to help when someone  you cares about struggles with mental health.  

If you'd like to learn more, click the link in  the description, and you can get started today.  

So first, to understand cognitive defusion, we  need to understand what is cognitive fusion.  

Your brain is a word machine. It says stuff  and it thinks stuff all the time. When you  

look through the lens of your thoughts, this is  called cognitive fusion. It's the problem of being  

stuck to your thoughts. Cognitive fusion is buying  into every thought that passes through your mind.  

It's when you think something, you don't even  notice it, you just believe it. In this episode  

we're going to talk about recognizing all of our  thoughts and separating ourselves from them and  

then selectively choosing which thoughts or  beliefs you want to act on or buy, as we say,  

instead of letting random subconscious  thoughts dictate your mood, your choices,  

and your ultimate happiness. So let me start  with a story to illustrate cognitive fusion  

and cognitive defusion. So once I was working  with a young man who had a lot of social anxiety,  

we'll call him Miguel. And he had a good group of  friends, but every time he hung out with them he  

would start to feel really anxious. And then when  he was at a party, he would make some joke or say  

something, and then he would start to worry.  He would think, "Oh, did I say the wrong thing?  

Did I hurt her feelings?" Or if,  for example, one group of friends  

split off into the pool and another invited him  to the game room, he would panic a little bit,  

feeling like terrified. Terrified because he  didn't know which group to go with. And then  

he'd start thinking, Oh my gosh, I can't believe  I'm getting anxious again. I'm such a loser."  

And then he'd think, "Oh, don't think that way.  What's the matter with you? Don't feel anxious.  

Why do you always do this?" And then he would just  start going back and forth in his head, right,  

fighting his negative thoughts and trying not to  feel anxious. And if he couldn't get his anxious  

thoughts to go away, he'd feel uncomfortable and  he'd leave the party early. Now in this example,  

Miguel was fused with his thoughts in two ways.  The first way was that when he was trying to hang  

out with his friends, he got all wrapped  up in trying to make his thoughts go away.  

He was focusing all his energy on fighting his  thoughts, and that kept him stuck or fused to them  

instead of putting his energy into having a good  time. The second way that he got fused with his  

thoughts is that he had an unwritten rule that he  didn't even know about, he didn't notice he was  

thinking it, and it colored everything he did. Let  me let me show you. So when I asked Miguel why he  

would get anxious, he said, "Well, i always worry  that I might say something wrong or that I might  

offend someone or hurt someone's feelings." And  when I asked, "Well, what do you mean?" he said,  

"Well, I always overthink everything I say. After  hanging out, I always worry that something I said  

might have bothered someone or that a joke  I made might have hurt someone's feelings,  

and I just hate dealing with all  the drama." So I said "What drama?"  

He said, "Well, if a couple of my friend friends  invite me to do something with them but they  

don't invite my other friend, and then my other  friend invites me to do something that same night,  

how do I say no to the other friend without making  them feel bad?" So I asked a follow-up question.  

So I said, "They aren't being dramatic; you're  just worrying. And he's like, "Yeah." I said,  

"Well, what are you most afraid of? And he said,  "That I might make someone feel bad by saying no."  

So at that point I realized what was going on, and  I said, "It sounds like you have a rule in your  

head that you're never allowed to make anyone feel  bad." So he thought for a second. He said, "Hmm,  

I guess so. I never noticed that I had that rule,  but now that you say that I think you're right."  

And then he was able to tell me some examples.  He said, "Once I had a girlfriend who I wanted  

to break up with, but I didn't for like a year  because I didn't want to make her feel bad."  

And I was like, "Yes, that is a good example." And  then he gave me another one. He said if the food  

is terrible or it's cooked wrong at the restaurant  and the waiter asks how's the food, he always says  

great, even um if it's a lie. So this young  man, Miguel, he didn't realize he was thinking  

this rule, right, I can never make anyone feel  bad. And this rule that he didn't even know he had  

was making him really anxious. He had bought that  thought. He believed it without even noticing that  

he was thinking that way. So in Miguel's case, he  was stuck to his thoughts. It was keeping him from  

being present with his friends. When we buy our  thoughts, when we believe everything we think,  

it makes it hard for us to change. So the antidote  to this is learning to notice your thoughts  

without buying them. You learn to look at your  thoughts instead of looking through your thoughts,  

and you notice yourself as the thinker, the  place where these thoughts happen. When when  

Miguel noticed his unwritten rule, he could see  how impossible it was, how it it was keeping him  

from having good relationships. And when he was  able to notice that rule, it was like, before he  

noticed the rule it was like "Oh my gosh, I have  to make everyone feel good or I'm a bad person."  

And then he looks at that rule, he's like,  "Oh, that's a thought; that's a rule I have."  

And he's and he's like, "That's not very helpful."  He said "I - and then and then he was able to  

replace it with something more helpful. So he  he noticed that thought, and he's like "You know  

what, instead of that rule, I'd like to replace  it with this: I can't control how others feel,  

but I value being kind and assertive." So he  could see both of these thoughts, and he could  

choose which one was most helpful for him. And  this helped him feel less anxiety at parties  

and helped him focus his energy on being present  and having a good time and being kind to people.  

Now this this idea of cognitive defusion  is kind of a difficult concept to explain,  

but it's easier to demonstrate. So you've  got to experience it to understand it. So  

I'm gonna give you about four exercises that  you can try to get a feeling for what it  

feels like to look at your thoughts instead of  through your thoughts. Now this first activity  

is really easy to do with a negative thought  about yourself, but I'm not going to do that  

on YouTube - partly because I think I don't want  to trigger people here where they might not have  

been expecting that. So check out the course  resources in the full course to experience that  

activity. And instead we're going to do a little  bit of a a milder version of that activity. So for  

the next minute, write down or say out loud  all of the thoughts that run through your mind.

So for example, you may be thinking, "I don't get  this" or "I'm not thinking anything." And then  

you just notice like, "Oh, that's a thought too,  right." And then I want you to take one of those  

thoughts and put the words in front of it "I'm  having the thought that..." and stay there for  

a bit. Can you notice the thought? Can you see it  as the thought that you're having in this moment?

Now replay it one more time,  but this time add the phrase  

"I notice that I'm having the thought that..." So  for example, "I notice I'm having the thought that  

this is boring." Now what happened? Did you notice  that sense of separation or distance between you  

and the thought? And see see if you can  look at yourself while having thoughts.  

While you're noticing yourself having thoughts,  take a second to open up your awareness to what  

other thoughts you're having. Is work popping up  in your mind? Or perhaps the thought, you know,  

"How much longer is this going to take?" Or  are there other thoughts running through your  

mind? And just take a second to notice them  and then to notice yourself noticing them.

You just practiced cognitive defusion - looking  at your thoughts instead of through your thoughts.  

You are a person that experiences thoughts and  emotions. Thoughts and emotions are experiences  

that you are having. They aren't necessarily  reality; they're just something that you're  

experiencing. You can have thoughts without  buying them. Another great way to practice this  

is through the leaves on a stream exercise. Check  out that meditation on my YouTube channel. Another  

helpful way to separate ourselves from thoughts is  to name them. Like literally, I've had clients who  

liked using the term, you know, negative  mind to describe the spiral of thoughts.  

Or for some people, they might say, "Oh, that's an  intrusive thought, right. That's giving it a name.  

But it can also be helpful to give those  thoughts an actual name, like Billy Bob.  

So for example, "Oh, there's Billy Bob  popping up into my thoughts today."  

And that that just means, you know, there's  those thoughts popping in. And you might be  

able to identify Billy Bob as kind of a negative  character. So it might say things like, "Oh,  

you'll never be successful, right." Say, "Oh,  there's Billy Bob," or "There's there's the bully,  

the bully thoughts coming in and telling me what  to think." When we give our thoughts a name,  

we're basically saying like, "Oh, I am Emma,  and this is a thought," essentially separating  

ourselves from our thoughts. So with Miguel, he  might be able to look at his thoughts and say,  

"Oh, I'm having the thought that I'm awkward, but  just because I think that doesn't mean it's true."  

Then you could, Miguel could say something like,  "Oh, hello thought. Thank you, mind, for making  

that thought. But that thought, you know, 'Oh, I'm  so awkward' is not super helpful to me right now,  

so I'm gonna go back to paying attention to  listening to my friend." That's that's another  

one. That's another cognitive defusion technique.  It's called thanking your mind. So you just say,  

"Thank you, mind, for that thought. That's  a thought. Just because Ii think it doesn't  

mean it's true, doesn't mean I have to act  on it, doesn't mean I have to believe it."  

Okay, here's another fun act exercise. Um they  have hundreds of these, by the way, right. These  

are all thanks to Stephen Hayes and Jason Luoma  and Russ Harris and all the other great act  

developers out there, Acceptance and Commitment  therapy. So here's another one: using singing  

and silly voices, right. So you take the thought  that seems really strong like "Oh, I can't go to  

that party if I feel anxious." And then you start  to use weird voices to say that thought out loud:  

I can't go to that party if I feel anxious.  I can't go to that party if I feel anxious.  

I can't go to that party if I feel anxious. Okay,  I'm terrible at accents, so I should not even try,  

right. I can't go to that party if I feel anxious.  And the basic idea is that when you start to say  

a thought in a bunch of weird ways, it starts  to feel like this weird thing, like this weird  

jumble of words, instead of feel like just,  you know, the water that you're swimming in.  

Same thing happens if you say a word over and  over again. So if, for example, Miguel is like,  

"Oh my gosh, I'm so awkward," then he says the  word "awkward" over and over and over again:  

awkward awkward awkward awkward awkward - say it  with me - awkward awkward awkward awkward awkward  

awkward awkward awkward awkward awkward awkward  awkward awkward awkward. And at some point,  

awkward all of a sudden turns into this weird  jumble of sounds. That's a cognitive defusion  

technique, right. This is just a word. Your brain  is a word machine, and everything it makes up,  

some of it's true, some of it isn't. Some of it's  helpful, some of it's not. It's just a thought.  

And when we separate ourselves from our thoughts,  we can create choice for ourselves. Okay,  

another exercise that's often helpful is to  symbolically put your thoughts onto an object  

to give them a tangible form. The easiest way to  do this is to write. Write it down on a piece of  

paper. Bruce Lee said, "I have a system of ridding  my mind of negative thoughts - I visualize myself  

writing them down on a piece of paper. Then  I imagine myself crumpling up the paper,  

lighting it on fire, and burning it to a crisp."  In residential treatment, I worked with a whole  

bunch of kids who found it helpful to make their  thoughts concrete by putting them on an object.  

So I had one client who had really low self-esteem  - and again, we were not forcing the kids to do  

this; they were choosing to uh engage in these uh  activities to help themselves. And it wasn't about  

shame or like the scarlet letter or anything  like that. So she, this woman, this this young  

lady with low self-esteem, she decided to get a  huge rock, like, you know, like a 10-pound rock.  

And she wrote on it "I'm unlovable." And when  she believed that thought, when she bought  

that thought, she would carry that rock around.  And when she chose not to believe that thought,  

when she chose not to buy that thought, she would  set that rock down. So she made a physical way  

to represent this idea of having a thought versus  buying a thought. Like that rock might have still  

been in the room and she might still be noticing  that rock, but just because she was noticing it  

didn't mean that she believed it. Lots of thoughts  are going to pop up in your head throughout the  

day. Average people have intrusive thoughts  all the time. We all might have inappropriate  

thoughts or negative thoughts or true thoughts  or false thoughts. It's okay to have a thought;  

it doesn't say anything about you. Your brain  is a word machine. But if you're going to buy a  

thought, if you're going to believe it and  act on it, make that a conscious choice.  

One of the ways to do this is to just put it  on an object, right. I've had clients who have  

chosen to carry rocks, sticks, and even horse poop  in a bag as a way to represent themselves being  

fused with their thoughts. And when they're ready  to notice them and separate from them, they would  

set these objects aside. When they no longer need  that thought, they let go and go of an object.  

Sometimes they'll come back to it, but  gradually just practicing, you know,  

like labeling it and choosing it if they want to,  that can help them kind of create that separation.  

Cognitive defusion gives you the freedom to ask,  "Does buying this thought make my life better?"  

That's what act is all about: it's freeing us to  live the life we value instead of getting sucked  

into thoughts. So you say, "This is a thought.  It's just a thought. I don't have to believe it,  

I don't have to act on it, I don't have  to fight it. I can let it pass through."  

So the essential question is "Is this thought  helpful to me? Does it help me live my values?"  

If the thought is helpful, you can buy it, you  can believe it, you can hang on to it, you can  

act on it. And if it's not helpful, then you can  notice it. You can just have it but not buy it.  

It's just a thought. Thoughts pop up all the time,  and not all of them are helpful. So for example,  

fusion with thoughts says, "Oh, I have to stop  being anxious if I want to go to parties."  

Or with OCD it says, "Oh, I have to make this  thought about washing my hands go away." It traps  

us in a cycle of fighting our thoughts or just  believing them without even noticing it, right.  

With cognitive defusion, we create space between  ourselves and our thoughts and feelings so that  

they can have less of a hold over us. So you can  say, "I can feel anxious and go to that party. I  

can have the thought that I need to wash my hands  20 times, but I don't have to buy that thought."  

Now let's just take a minute and contrast this  with CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, right. So  

in section 18 and 19, we talked about challenging  distorted thinking. This is a CBT skill.  

So you might take the thought like, "Oh, I'm a  complete loser," and then you would challenge  

that thought. You would say, "Oh, that's black  and white thinking. Let's look for exceptions.  

What would a kind friend say about that?" CBT  gives you the skill of challenging your thoughts,  

which is a helpful skill for some people or  in some situations. Now for other people,  

that leads them to constantly struggling against  their thoughts. So with Acceptance and Commitment  

therapy, we add the skill of defusion. It's the  ability to separate yourself from your thoughts  

and to choose your actions. So you'd look at a  thought like "I'm a complete loser" and you'd say,  

"Thanks, mind." And you say and then you'd  ask, you know, "Is this thought helpful for me?  

Thank you, mind, for giving me this thought that  I'm a complete loser, but this is just a thought.  

Is this thought helpful to me?" And if it's not  helpful, if it doesn't help you live your values,  

then you just let that thought be there. You let  that thought pass along, do whatever thoughts do.  

And you just look around for another  thought that's more helpful to you.  

Now it's not that like cognitive defusion is  better and challenging cognitive distortions  

is worse; it's just that these are different  skills, different tools. When you add skills  

to your emotional toolbelt, you have more  flexibility to find the one that works for you.  

So in summary, don't get obsessed  with fighting your thoughts,  

with trying to make them go away or just  worrying about them or reacting to them.  

You don't have to believe everything you think.  With cognitive defusion, we create a little space  

between ourselves and our thoughts. We notice  them. We say, "I'm having the thought that  

like I'm awkward or I'm a loser." Instead of  saying, "I'm a loser," say "I'm having the thought  

that I'm a loser." Then we can ask ourselves,  "Is this thought, is this thought helpful?  

Does it help me live the life I value?" So "Does  that thought help me? Oh, I'm such a loser. Hmm.  

It doesn't really help me take any action.  Okay, I'm just going to notice that thought.  

I'm going to choose one thing I can do to, I don't  know, make my life better or whatever that is."  

So that frees us to choose what's most important  and to allow other thoughts to pass through so  

that we can focus on living the life we want.  The Acceptance and Commitment therapy gurus  

have made some great videos and recordings  to help people understand and practice this,  

so check out a few of them. The links are below.  Thank you for watching, and take care. This video  

is one skill from my 30-skill course How to  Process Your Emotions, where I teach 30 of the  

most essential skills for resolving depression,  anxiety, and improving mental health. Emotion  

processing is an essential skill for working  through intense emotions, but most people have  

never been taught how to do it. I'm putting every  single main video lesson on YouTube for the world  

to access for free. You watching these videos,  sharing them, contributing to my Patreon and my  

sponsors make this possible. If you would like  to access the entire course in one place ad free  

with its workbook, exercises, downloads, extra  videos, live Q&A's, additional short readings,  

and links to extended resources, the link to  buy the course is in the description below.