Why Perfectionism Is Ruining Your Life

Summary

The video script discusses the contrasting attitudes of two hypothetical students, Harry and Percy, towards feedback and perfectionism. It highlights the negative impacts of perfectionism, such as decreased productivity and increased burnout, and contrasts it with the positive approach of 'healthy strivers'. The script also explores the reasons behind the rise of perfectionism and offers practical tips for overcoming it, including setting reasonable standards, embracing failure, stepping outside comfort zones, and adopting 'nice goals'. The conversation with Professor Thomas Curran, an expert on perfectionism, provides further insights into this widespread issue.

Takeaways

• 🎯 Perfectionism exists on a spectrum, with most people falling somewhere in the middle, and it's linked to rising levels among young people.
• 🚫 Perfectionism does not lead to better performance or productivity; in fact, it can lead to decreased effort after setbacks and increased procrastination.
• 🏃‍♂️ Non-perfectionists, or 'healthy strivers,' tend to enjoy the process of working towards goals and are not deterred by failure, unlike perfectionists.
• 🔄 The perfectionism trap stems from a sense of deficiency and leads to a negative spiral of ever-increasing standards, failure, and shame.
• 💡 Overcoming perfectionism involves setting reasonable standards, embracing the learning process from failure, and stepping outside of one's comfort zone.
• 📈 The concept of 'diminishing returns' applies to effort and productivity, suggesting that working beyond a certain point can lead to decreased effectiveness and potential burnout.
• 🤹‍♀️ Learning new things, such as through interactive platforms like Brilliant, can help combat perfectionism by focusing on the joy of learning rather than the outcome.
• 💭 Changing the mindset from 'should' to 'want to' or 'feel like' can help reduce the pressure and expectations associated with perfectionism.
• 🎢 Viewing failure as a form of success by redefining it as a learning opportunity can help in breaking free from perfectionist tendencies.
• 🎯 Setting 'nice goals' (NE term input-based, controllable, and energizing) can be beneficial for beginners or those struggling with perfectionism, as opposed to strict SMART goals.

Q & A

What is the main difference between Harry and Percy in terms of their reactions to feedback?

Harry appreciates constructive criticism and is willing to learn from his mistakes, while Percy sees feedback as a failure, holds himself to excessively high standards, and worries about others' opinions.

How does the speaker describe the concept of perfectionism?

The speaker describes perfectionism as a spectrum, with some people being more perfectionistic than others. It is not a black or white concept, and most people fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum.

What does the study of student athletes cycling trials reveal about perfectionism and effort?

The study reveals that students with high levels of perfectionism decreased their effort after their first failure, whereas non-perfectionists maintained the same level of effort.

How does perfectionism affect productivity and success?

Perfectionism can lead to decreased productivity and success because it often results in overworking and making unnecessary sacrifices, which can lead to burnout and a negative impact on performance.

What is the 'perfectionism trap' and how does it stem from a place of deficit?

The perfectionism trap is a negative spiral of decline and self-defeat that comes from a sense of not being good enough. Perfectionists feel they must prove their worth and excel, leading to excessively high standards that set them up for failure.

How does the speaker suggest overcoming perfectionism?

The speaker suggests several ways to overcome perfectionism, including setting reasonable standards, accepting failure as a part of the learning process, stepping outside of one's comfort zone, and reframing failure as a success.

What is the relationship between perfectionism and imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is quite strong among perfectionists, particularly those from lower socio-economic backgrounds. They often doubt their abilities and feel like they need to prove themselves constantly, fearing they are not deserving of their achievements.

How does socially prescribed perfectionism differ from self-oriented perfectionism?

Socially prescribed perfectionism comes from external expectations, such as from colleagues, teachers, or parents, whereas self-oriented perfectionism is driven by internal beliefs about needing to be perfect and better than others.

What is the concept of 'Wabi Sabi' and how does it relate to overcoming perfectionism?

Wabi Sabi is a Japanese philosophy that embraces the beauty of imperfection and the natural flow of life. It encourages simplicity, appreciation of nature, and acceptance of challenges, which can help in overcoming perfectionism by promoting contentment with the natural state of things, including failures and setbacks.

How does the speaker recommend setting goals to combat perfectionism?

The speaker recommends setting vague or 'open goals' rather than rigid, specific 'SMART goals' for beginners or those struggling with perfectionism. This approach can make the process feel less pressured and more enjoyable, reducing the fear of failure.

What is the 'Fear Setting' exercise by Tim Ferriss and how can it help with stepping outside of one's comfort zone?

The 'Fear Setting' exercise by Tim Ferriss is a journaling practice that helps individuals identify, analyze, and confront their fears. By understanding the potential consequences of not stepping outside their comfort zone, individuals can gain the motivation to embrace discomfort and take action.

Outlines

00:00

🎓 Understanding Perfectionism vs. Healthy Striving

This paragraph introduces two hypothetical students, Harry and Percy, who embody different reactions to feedback and failure. While Harry appreciates constructive criticism and learns from mistakes, Percy views feedback as failure and holds himself to impossibly high standards. The key difference is that Harry is a healthy striver, whereas Percy is a perfectionist. The speaker discusses a conversation with Professor Thomas Curran, an expert on perfectionism, who explains that perfectionism exists on a spectrum and that levels of perfectionism are increasing, especially among young people. The paragraph sets the stage for a discussion on why perfectionism is not beneficial and how to overcome it.

05:01

🚴‍♂️ The Myth of Perfectionism and Success

The speaker challenges the assumption that perfectionism leads to increased productivity and success. Despite common examples of successful perfectionists like Serena Williams and Steve Jobs, the data shows no correlation between perfectionism and performance. A study involving student athletes is cited, where those with high levels of perfectionism did not try as hard after failing, whereas non-perfectionists maintained their effort. This illustrates that perfectionists may avoid further failure, leading to procrastination and decreased performance. The speaker also notes that perfectionists may work too hard, leading to burnout and less success.

10:01

🌀 The Perfectionism Trap and Its Origins

The speaker delves into the origins of perfectionism, describing it as stemming from a sense of deficiency and the need to prove oneself. This leads to setting excessively high standards, which often results in failure and feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety. These negative emotions cause perfectionists to set even higher standards, creating a vicious cycle. The speaker contrasts this with healthy strivers who enjoy the process of striving for goals. The paragraph also touches on the concept of imposter syndrome, which is common among perfectionists, particularly those from working-class backgrounds who feel they must constantly prove their worth in a middle-class world.

15:03

📝 Overcoming Perfectionism: Practical Tips

The speaker offers several tips for overcoming perfectionism. The first is to set reasonable standards and start somewhere, using the concept of the law of diminishing returns to illustrate the point that working beyond a certain point can lead to decreased productivity. The second tip is to surrender and accept that failure and setbacks are part of life, drawing parallels with the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, which encourages acceptance of imperfection. The third tip is to reframe failure as a learning opportunity and a form of success. The fourth tip is to step outside of one's comfort zone regularly to build confidence and break through perfectionism. Finally, the speaker suggests setting 'nice goals' (NE term input-based, controllable, and energizing) for beginners or those struggling with perfectionism, as opposed to specific 'smart goals'.

Keywords

💡Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by the setting of excessively high standards and the demand for flawlessness in one's work or performance. In the video, it is contrasted with being a 'healthy striver,' where the latter involves setting realistic goals and enjoying the process of achieving them. The video discusses how perfectionism can lead to negative outcomes such as decreased productivity, procrastination, and burnout, and how it is associated with feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety.

💡Constructive Criticism

Constructive criticism refers to the process of providing feedback that is intended to help someone improve their work or performance. It is characterized by being specific, actionable, and focused on the work rather than the person. In the context of the video, Harry is able to accept and learn from constructive criticism, whereas Percy views it as a sign of failure.

💡Procrastination

Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing tasks or actions, often due to a fear of failure or perfectionism. In the video, it is explained that perfectionists are more prone to procrastination because they fear not meeting their high standards, leading to avoidance of tasks and ultimately decreased productivity.

💡Burnout

Burnout is a state of chronic physical and emotional exhaustion, often accompanied by feelings of cynicism and detachment. It can result from prolonged stress and overwork, particularly when individuals set unrealistic goals for themselves. In the video, burnout is presented as a common consequence of perfectionism, as the relentless pursuit of perfection can lead to excessive work and sacrifice, ultimately leading to exhaustion and decreased success.

💡Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a 'fraud.' It is often experienced by high-achievers who attribute their success to luck rather than ability. In the video, imposter syndrome is linked to perfectionism, particularly among those from humble backgrounds who feel they must constantly prove themselves and fear they do not truly deserve their success.

💡Social Comparison

Social comparison refers to the process of evaluating oneself by comparing oneself to others. It can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and lower self-esteem, especially when individuals compare themselves to those who appear more successful or superior. In the video, social comparison is discussed as a factor that can exacerbate perfectionism, particularly through the lens of social media where upward social comparison can lead to negative emotions.

💡Healthy Striving

Healthy striving is a positive and balanced approach to goal-setting and achievement, where individuals set realistic goals and enjoy the process of working towards them without being overly fixated on perfection. It contrasts with perfectionism, where the focus is on progress and learning rather than on achieving flawless results. In the video, healthy striving is presented as a more productive and satisfying approach to life and work.

💡Law of Diminishing Returns

The law of diminishing returns is an economic principle stating that after a certain point, additional input into a process will result in smaller increases in output. In the context of the video, it is used to illustrate the concept that working longer hours or putting in more effort beyond a certain point can lead to decreased productivity and even negative returns, especially for perfectionists who may work themselves into a state of burnout.

💡Wabi-Sabi

Wabi-sabi is a Japanese philosophical concept that finds beauty in imperfection and impermanence. It encourages acceptance of the natural flow of life and promotes simplicity and contentment with one's current situation. In the video, wabi-sabi is suggested as a philosophy that can help overcome perfectionism by embracing the imperfections and uncertainties of life.

💡Fear Setting

Fear setting is a technique developed by Tim Ferriss to help individuals confront and manage their fears, particularly in the context of decision-making and goal-setting. It involves identifying one's fears, assessing the likelihood and potential impact of these fears, and then strategizing how to prevent or mitigate them. In the video, fear setting is mentioned as a helpful exercise for stepping outside of one's comfort zone and overcoming perfectionism.

💡SMART Goals

SMART goals are a framework for setting goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. The purpose of this framework is to help individuals set clear and realistic goals that are more likely to be accomplished. However, the video suggests that for individuals struggling with perfectionism, setting less specific or 'open goals' might be more beneficial as they can reduce the pressure associated with rigid SMART goals.

Highlights

Two hypothetical students, Harry and Percy, are introduced as examples of different reactions to feedback and perfectionism.

Harry represents a healthy striver who appreciates constructive criticism, whereas Percy is a perfectionist who sees feedback as failure.

Perfectionism is a spectrum, with most people falling in the middle rather than being extreme perfectionists or non-perfectionists.

There is a growing trend of increasing perfectionism levels, particularly among young people.

Perfectionism does not lead to increased productivity or success, contrary to common assumptions.

A study involving student athletes showed that perfectionists may decrease effort after initial failure.

Perfectionists may work too hard, leading to burnout and decreased productivity.

Perfectionism stems from a sense of deficit, leading to a negative spiral of high standards, failure, and shame.

Imposter syndrome is strongly associated with perfectionism, particularly from socially prescribed perfectionism.

Social media contributes to feelings of inadequacy and perfectionism through upward social comparison.

There are ways to overcome perfectionism, such as setting reasonable standards and embracing the learning process from failures.

The concept of 'should' creates a divide between our current and ideal selves, which can be bridged by using words like 'want to' or 'feel like'.

Journaling can help overcome negative feelings and perfectionism by providing a space for self-reflection.

Stepping outside of one's comfort zone regularly is crucial for personal development and overcoming perfectionism.

Setting vague or 'nice goals' can be beneficial for beginners or those struggling with perfectionism, as opposed to rigid 'smart goals'.

The video discusses ways to reframe failure as a success and accept imperfection as part of the human experience.

Interview with Professor Thomas Curran, a world-leading expert on perfectionism, provides further insights into the topic.

Transcripts

so I want you to meet two hypothetical

students we've got Harry and Percy now

both Harry and Percy are ambitious and

conscientious and hardworking they enjoy

cting goals for themselves and they feel

motivated when they make progress

towards them but when they get feedback

on their work they react quite

differently Harry appreciates

constructive criticism and he's willing

to learn from his mistakes but Percy

only sees this feedback as a failure

Percy holds himself to excessively high

standards he's ashamed of his mistakes

and he worries a lot about what others

around him will think now the key

difference between these two students is

that Harry is is a healthy striber and

pery on the other hand is a

perfectionist so if you're anything like

me you can probably relate to this

feeling of perfectionism and feeling

this need to be perfect in the things

that we do and I recently had a really

interesting conversation about

perfectionism with Professor Thomas

current who is a world leading expert on

perfectionism at the London School of

Economics perfectionism is not kind of a

black or white it's not I am a

perfectionist or you aren't a

perfectionist but it's really you know

where we sit on the perfectionism

spectrum and some of us will be more

perfectionist IC on that Spectrum some

will be a little less most will be in

the middle and the big contribution I

think of my work is showing that that

middle bit of the perfectionism Spectrum

where most of us sit is slowly creeping

upwards and we're seeing growing levels

of perfectionism over time particularly

among young people so in this video

we're going to go through why being a

perfectionist is generally not actually

a good thing and then in the second part

of the video we're going to look at some

of the ways that we can overcome

perfectionism and strive towards being

more like a healthy striving Harry and

less like a perfectionist

Percy now on the surface it's easy to

assume that perfectionism leads to

increased productivity and more success

compared to those people who don't see

themselves as perfectionists but this is

not true at all Serena Williams Victoria

Pendleton Steve Jobs Demi lvat you know

all these people who self-confessed

Perfection made it to the top of their

professions clearly really talented and

high achieving and therefore it must be

the perfectionism that that propelled

them there when we look at the data

however we find no relationship between

perfectionism and performance and this

is really curious because they work so

hard they put everything into their

activities and yet they don't seem to

perform any better why is that so to

help explain this let's look at this

study of student athletes which involved

cycling trials the students were split

up into two groups now within this group

of students some of them had high levels

of perfectionism directed towards

themselves and the rest didn't based on

a survey that they did at the start and

all these students were told to cycle

for 6 minutes and to try to beat their

personal best time but the researchers

in the study were very sneaky and so by

manipulating the information that was

shown to the students on the screen the

test was set up in a way that ensured

that everyone would fail to meet their

personal targets now the students were

then asked to try the trial for a second

time and the really interesting thing

was that the students who had high

levels of perfectionism did not try as

hard on the second round or in other

words after their first failure their

effort actually decreased whereas for

the group that had the

non-perfectionists in it their effort

stayed the same so this can be explained

by the fact that perfectionists find it

really hard when things start to go

wrong which then translates into

behaviors that avoid further failure

otherwise known as procrastination so

being a perfectionist tends not to

actually make you perform better it

tends to make you perform worse if

you've had a setback but then the second

reason why perfectionism is not

associated with better performance is

because although perfectionists tend to

work very hard they probably work too

hard and this means that they often tend

to start making compromises in their

life like it's very easy to miss a few

hours of sleep just to work on an

assignment to try and make it perfect or

spending way too much time on that

presentation at work to make it that

much better but ultimately even though

this might look good on paper these

sacrifices are what lead a perfectionist

towards less productivity less success

and way more burnout okay so now let's

talk about the perfectionism trap now in

my conversation with Thomas he really

emphasized where perfectionism stems

from and how it traps us in a negative

spiral of Decline and self-defeat it

comes from a place of deficit it's a

sense that I must move through the world

proving to other people that I'm good

enough so in order to do that I must

Excel I must be perfect I must have high

standards

okay but what we're doing is we're

setting ourselves up for failure because

those excessive standards are too high

so when perfectionists set their

standards really high it means that

there is a higher chance that those

standards are not met or in other words

failure this failure then causes

feelings of Shame and guilt and anxiety

and stress and low self-esteem which

means they overcompensate by setting

themselves even higher standards next

time and this Spiral goes on and on

getting worse and worse each time and

this can actually be really hard for a

perfectionist to escape from and It

ultimately stems from this deficit

thinking or feeling like you are not

enough if on the other hand you are a

healthy striver and you're trying to set

a new squat personal best in the gym for

example then you'll enjoy the process of

trying to get there and you'll enjoy the

process even on the days where you feel

like you're a lot weaker than in your

last gym session whereas as a

perfectionist you'll probably set a new

personal best goal that is well beyond

your means and you'll feel like a

failure every time you can't lift that

weight or when you see someone else

squatting a much heavier weight than you

now one fun way to beat perfectionism is

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third reason why perfectionism ruins

your life is imposter syndrome imposter

phenomenon is quite strong among

perfectionists particularly

perfectionists that have come from you

know I've come from a working class

background into a middle class world and

you often doubt yourself you wonder if

you deserve to be there you wonder if

your works of a certain standard you

look around and see people are doing so

much better than you or how you think

are doing so much better than you and

you and you think inside I have to prove

every day that I'm good enough that I

deserve to be here and that I'm trying

to disguise this kind of flawed and

inadequate person that I think I am

inside so imposter syndrome correlates

with what we call socially prescribed

perfectionism more so than self-oriented

perfectionism so when I say I'm not good

enough or I need to be better this is

self-oriented perfectionism whereas

socially prescribed perfectionism

originates in a social environment that

is highly expectant so I would say

everyone around me wants me to get this

new job or I cannot fail this exam and

let my family down there are other

people's expectations on me and this

socially prescribed perfectionism can

come from those around you like work

colleagues and teachers and parents and

basically everyone you interact with but

it's also important to be aware that we

do live unfortunately in a highly

competitive Society it's a society

that's designed to make us feel

deficient in some way and therefore

cultivates this feeling of perfectionism

so it can be really hard to escape these

feelings of needing to be perfect for

those around you and as with all of

these things a classic culprate is

social media now research shows that

when perfectionists compare themselves

to others who seem better than them on

social media they feel less satisfied

and confident in their own life and this

is what researchers call upward social

comparison which leads to higher levels

of dissatisfaction and lower levels of

confidence but thankfully this story

does have a more positive side because

there are many ways that we can try and

overcome perfectionism which is what

we're going to talk about in the second

half of this video tip number one set

reasonable standards and start

somewhere and so Thomas talks about

setting reasonable standards here in the

context of writing an essay I just say

just get just just write something write

a letter to your mom like just get words

on a on a on a on a computer screen and

start the process it doesn't even have

to be related to the task at hand

because if you can start writing

it's a nice note to your mom but also it

gets you in that kind of frame of mind

where you're putting words on paper and

then begin and then you know like you

say it doesn't have to be uh you don't

even have to consult the literature just

put down your thoughts on this

particular topic right and then begin to

iterate now there's a concept in

economics that is directly related to

what we're talking about here the law of

diminishing returns this means that up

to a certain point there is an increase

in output with increasing input or

effort but after that point called the

point of diminishing returns the

increases in output grow smaller and

smaller with the same increase in input

there also comes a point where outputs

start to even decline the point of

negative returns and this applies

perfectly to working hours for example

like let's say you're working 40 hours a

week at your job or your studies or

whatever the thing might be those first

40 hours are probably going to be more

effective than the next 40 hours like

your 80th hour is probably not going to

be anywhere near as productive as your

20th hour because you're just getting

tired and actually if you keep working

past the 90th and the 100th hour you'll

probably get to a point of negative

returns I.E you'll be doing actively bad

work rather than very good work and so

if you're a perfectionist then you might

often find yourself in that dangerous

territory past the point of diminishing

and maybe even negative returns and

that's why it's always important to set

our standards to a reasonable level and

not set them too high and the way I like

to think of this is basically lower the

bar whenever I feel like I'm

procrastinating or feeling too

perfectionist about something I remind

myself I have to lower the bar and this

sounds bad it sounds like oh my God

you're embracing mediocrity it's like

yes I am embracing mediocrity because

otherwise I would allow perfect to be

the enemy of good perf ISM and

procrastination would then hold me back

now there's two main reasons why you

should lower the bar and just set

reasonable standards rather than high

standards the first one is that if you

don't set your standards too high to

begin with then it's a lot easier to

start now when it comes to

procrastination as I've written about in

my book and talked about at norum by the

way you should check out my book if you

haven't already link down below and if

you have please leave an Amazon review

LOL anyway we know from all this stuff

that like getting started with things is

often the hardest part procrastination

is a problem with getting started rather

than a problem with doing the thing once

you've gotten started and perfectionism

often leads to procrastination because

perfectionists are so afraid of failure

and would much prefer to avoid failing

and so they don't even start in the

first place therefore what we do is we

lower our standards we lower the bar and

that lets us simply start somewhere and

reason number two for lowering your

standards is that if you set reasonable

standards rather than very high

standards you will also lower the risk

of burnout and so really the way we do

this is that for whatever we're working

on we try and establish the standard of

good enough like what does good enough

mean to you in this specific case and

then once you've met your expectations

of the task and you have satisfed ified

your level of good enough then you can

stop and move on to something else now

it is okay sometimes to set your

expectations a little higher and to

enter the zone of diminishing returns

because sometimes you do want to

challenge yourself and go above and

beyond what's expected of you but it's

important to remember that a we can't do

this with everything so we shouldn't try

because that's a recipe for Burnout and

B especially if you're new to something

or you have a tendency to procrastinate

on the thing high standards are actually

holding you back rather than serving you

in that context by the way one of my

favorite things to do to overcome these

sorts of negative feelings that lead to

things like procrastination and

perfection m is journaling and because

I'm weird I like to collect journaling

prompts and journaling methods and

because people always ask me about it

I've put them all into this journaling

Hub which is completely free for you to

access it'll be linked down below you

just put in your email and then you'll

get linked to this like massive database

of journaling prompts and every time I

come up with a new prompt or discover a

new prompt I added to the database it's

completely free you might as well it's

linked down below all right so tip

number two for overcoming perfectionism

is surrendering and simply letting life

happen sometimes for no good reason we

fail sometimes things happen to us that

we have have no control over and

accepting that fact is really the first

big step in breaking through

perfectionism so letting life happen is

all about being okay with failure and

not trying to avoid it it's also about

being okay with not always making

progress towards a goal but instead

being happy and content with no progress

or even regression which does happen

sometimes now this idea is similar to

the concept of Wabi Sai which is a

Japanese philosophy with Origins and

Buddhism wabisabi is all about accepting

the beauty and imperfection and

surrendering to the constant and flows

of life and the philosophy encourages us

to seek out a simple life appreciate

nature around us accept the challenges

we're faced with and try as best as we

can to live in the moment now if you

think about it there are many

connections today between psychology and

the teachings of Buddhism and we can

trace a lot of this back to the work of

Karen horny who was a psychoanalyst in

the first half of the 1900s and she

sought out the study of Buddhist

principles in her late life

interestingly she also coins the phrase

the tyranny of the shs so when we say

things like I should go to the gym today

or I should make more progress on that

work task or I should spend a little bit

longer on that thing we automatically

create a divide with our imperfect real

self on one hand and then this idealized

perfect self on the other and the thing

that bridges that Gap is this idea of

should I should be more like this other

person and so as a very useful tangible

action point whenever you find yourself

using the word should try and change

that word in your own mind for me

personally I always try and replace the

word should with the word want to or

feel like or could choose to so instead

of I should go to the gym today I could

choose to go to the gym today or I

really want to go to the gym today and

there is something nice about replacing

that should that removes that sense of

coercion and removes this like contrast

between our current self and our perfect

self tip number three to overcome

perfectionism is to try and reframe

failure as success always remember that

whatever you do failure is not

humiliating it's humanizing it's normal

and natural to fail in fact we will fail

way more than we will succeed you have

one success it's followed by infinite

amounts of failure now one way to think

about this is that kind of this idea of

dealing with failure is something that

you level up at over time like most of

us start at level one where we view

failure as being a really bad thing

failure is really bad then at some point

in our life we graduate to level two

which is this idea that huh failing is

actually normal it is normal to fail

then at some point we graduate to number

three which is hey failure is a learning

process I learn something from the thing

and at some point we might graduate to

level four which is just viewing failure

as a success like it's absolutely

fantastic that I failed because now I've

got more data I've learned some things

you know a bad day for the ego is a good

day for the soul all of that kind of fun

stuff and so a question to ask yourself

is where are you currently on this level

1 to four spectrum of how you think

about failure and what would it take to

get to the next level tip number four

for beating perfectionism is to step

outside of your comfort zone fairly

regularly those are really important

things to take away because those things

that you can learn that help you develop

that help you become more confident and

and importantly help you break through

your perfectionism is by taking those

small steps out of your comfort zone now

if we think back to Harry and Percy

Percy the perfectionist displayed an

aversion to failure and criticism but if

we really want to overcome perfectionism

then we should definitely challenge

these thoughts by putting ourselves in

situation where there is a high risk of

failure and that means stepping outside

of our comfort zone for example when I

realized that I wasn't particularly

charismatic and wanted to improve my

Charisma levels I realized that I'd be

stepping outside of my comfort zone by

forcing myself to put my hand up in

every single classroom session or every

lecture medical school and to ask some

sort of question and that was good

because initially it was really scary

but it helped me get outside of my

comfort zone and made me realize huh

it's not so bad no one actually cares

starting this YouTube channel in 2017

you know it's kind of weird walking

around University with a big big ass

camera filming people my name is Ali

medical student you should look me up

and now you know vlogging in public is

still kind of scary but I've been doing

this for like 7 years now so I it's

definitely squarely within my comfort

zone now this might go without saying

but stepping outside our comfort zone is

inherently uncomfortable it might not

feel good even though book is called

feel good productivity it's not that

every single moment of your life has to

feel good and has to feel comfortable

sometimes stepping outside of our

comfort zone and embracing that

discomfort drives feeling good in the

long term one exercise I find really

helpful here is Tim Ferris fear setting

exercise which is part of the journaling

Hub that we've talked about so you can

check that down below if you feel like

it and then tip number five for

overcoming perfectionism is to sketch

out your goals if you're especially

perfectionistic having rigid firm and

and what are often lofty goals is going

to be really problematic because you may

not meet them and you may not meet them

for you know no good reason and I like

to think of this as having like vague

sketchy goals rather than very specific

goals and there is some evidence about

this that I do actually talk about in my

book where basically researchers have

tested this difference between specific

goals and more vague goals in the

context of trying to encourage people to

do exercise and they have people set

different goals before they walk for 6

minutes now some of the people set smart

goals which are specific measurable

achievable realistic and time bound and

you would think that their performance

would be best but the distance that they

walked was no different to those who set

what we call open goals now open goals

are those that are designed to be

non-specific open-ended and exploratory

so saying something like I'll see how

far I can walk in 6 minutes instead of I

need to walk 600 m in 6 minutes now

interestingly open goals could even be

better than smart goals in some cases

because in this study these goals meant

people increased their perceived

performance and this can ultimately make

you feel more optimistic and more

confident and in fact those who said the

open goals were more keen to repeat the

walking test compared to those who set

smart goals now the way I like to use

this information is that you know smart

goals are still very useful but if

you're a beginner at something if you're

new to it or if you're struggling with

perfectionism actually making your goal

less smart making it less specific less

ambitious and more vague often that is

the thing that will help you beat the

perfectionism and get started with the

thing and then yes of course if you're

trying to improve your standards and get

better over time smart goals are super

helpful but if not then I like to use

something called nice goals n IC goals

which I talk about in chapter 4 I think

of my book nice stands for NE term input

based controllable and energizing so

what can I do in the next week NE term

what's an input that I can control so

how many steps I walk is an input I can

control whereas like my position in the

race is an output that's outside of my

control because it depends on other

people so NE term input based

controllable and energizing how can I

make the process energizing and

enjoyable so hopefully there was at

least something that you took away from

this video to help combat perfectionism

and if you're interested in the whole

interview I did with Thomas Curran who's

an expert in the topic you can check

that out on my podcast right over here

thank you so much for watching and I'll

see you next time bye-bye