7 reasons Why you keep attracting Married men / Unavailable guys

Summary

This video script delves into seven reasons why some individuals may consistently attract married or unavailable partners. It explores patterns of attraction to unavailable individuals, the allure of what one can't have, and the impact of past relationship experiences, including 'daddy issues.' The script also addresses the desire for fun over commitment, self-worth, and the subconscious guarding of one's heart to avoid heartbreak. It concludes with encouragement to set boundaries and recognize one's value to attract healthier relationships.

Takeaways

• 🔍 Avoiding establishing a man's relationship status can lead to attracting unavailable men.
• 🤔 Paying attention to a man's behavior, such as hiding his phone or being unavailable after certain hours, can signal that he's not fully available.
• 💔 The desire for what seems unattainable can fuel attraction to unavailable partners, which may stem from anxious attachment.
• 📝 Identifying patterns in past relationships can reveal why you might be drawn to unavailable individuals.
• 🚫 Being clear about what you want in a partner can help avoid distractions from 'shiny objects' or temporary flings.
• 👨‍👧 Daddy issues, such as lack of a father figure, can influence the choice of romantic partners who are reminiscent of that absence.
• 🎉 Preferring fun and light-hearted interactions over deeper, more challenging aspects of a relationship can lead to attraction to those who are not fully invested.
• 💌 Believing you don't deserve someone fully committed to you can result in attracting partners who give minimal attention.
• 🚫 Setting boundaries and voicing your needs are crucial for attracting partners who respect and value you.
• 💔 Guarding your heart by choosing unavailable partners as a defense mechanism to avoid future heartbreak.

Q & A

Why might someone keep attracting married or unavailable men?

The script suggests that this could be due to avoiding establishing a man's relationship status, having a pattern of wanting what you can't have, or being unclear about what you're looking for in a partner.

What are some behaviors that might indicate a man is trying to hide his relationship status?

The man might hide his phone, take phone calls outside, be unavailable after certain hours, or take you to remote places to avoid being seen.

How does the concept of 'wanting what you can't have' relate to attracting unavailable men?

This concept suggests that when a man is more unavailable, it feeds into an individual's anxious attachment, creating excitement and a challenge, which can be more appealing than a fully available partner.

What role might past relationship patterns play in attracting unavailable men?

By analyzing past relationships, one might identify a pattern of being attracted to unavailable partners, which could be a sign of deeper issues that need to be addressed.

Why might someone be drawn to 'shiny objects' or fun, temporary relationships over long-term commitments?

The script implies that this could be due to a fear of commitment or a lack of clarity about what one truly wants in a life partner.

How can 'daddy issues' influence a person's choice in romantic partners?

If someone grew up without a present father figure, they might unconsciously seek out unavailable partners as a way of recreating and working through that early relationship dynamic.

What does the script suggest about the mindset of someone who only wants the fun aspects of a relationship?

The script indicates that focusing solely on the fun aspects can prevent someone from building a true, deep relationship that includes the more challenging and serious parts of life.

Why might someone feel they don't deserve a partner who fully chooses them?

This belief could stem from low self-esteem or past experiences where they were not chosen or valued, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy of attracting partners who don't fully commit.

How can setting boundaries and vocalizing one's needs change the type of people one attracts?

By clearly stating what is acceptable and what is not, and by expressing when one feels disrespected, an individual can attract partners who respect and value them more.

What is the psychological reasoning behind choosing unavailable partners to protect oneself from heartbreak?

The script suggests that by choosing unavailable partners, one might subconsciously protect themselves from the pain of heartbreak, as they already know the relationship has limits and isn't fully invested.

What advice does the script offer for someone looking to break the cycle of attracting unavailable men?

The script advises self-reflection, recognizing patterns, setting boundaries, and understanding one's own value to attract healthier, more available partners.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 Identifying Patterns in Attracting Unavailable Men

This paragraph discusses seven reasons why someone might consistently attract married or unavailable partners. It starts by highlighting behaviors that suggest a man is hiding his relationship status, such as secretive phone use and unavailability after certain hours. The speaker suggests observing these behaviors to understand the situation better. It then delves into the psychological aspect, explaining how the desire for unattainable objects can create a pattern of seeking unavailable partners, which feeds into anxious attachment. The paragraph advises self-reflection by identifying similarities in past relationships to recognize these patterns. It also touches on the lack of clarity about what one truly seeks in a partner, which can lead to being distracted by 'shiny objects' or exciting but non-committal encounters. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about recognizing and walking away from a potential fling to stay focused on long-term relationship goals. Lastly, it mentions 'daddy issues' as a potential root cause for choosing unavailable partners, suggesting that unresolved childhood issues with a father figure can influence adult romantic choices.

05:03

💔 Overcoming Self-Doubt and Heartbreak to Attract Healthy Relationships

Paragraph 2 addresses the mindset that can lead women to believe they don't deserve a fully committed and present partner. It emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and communicating one's needs and values in a relationship. The speaker stresses the need to vocalize when disrespected or when something is out of line, which is crucial for attracting the right kind of people. The paragraph also discusses the subconscious belief that being with an unavailable person can protect one from heartbreak, as it allows for emotional distance and guarded feelings. The speaker acknowledges the pain associated with this mindset and suggests that there are ways to recover and change this pattern, which are further elaborated in the video. The paragraph concludes with a call to action for viewers to like the video, share it with friends, subscribe for more content, and turn on notifications to stay updated.

Keywords

💡unavailable guys

The term 'unavailable guys' refers to men who are not emotionally or physically accessible for a committed relationship. In the context of the video, it is suggested that the viewer might be attracted to such individuals due to various personal reasons. The script highlights behaviors like hiding phones and being unreachable after certain hours as indicators of unavailability, which are used to illustrate the pattern of attraction to men who are not fully present in a relationship.

💡anxious attachment

Anxious attachment is a type of attachment style in which an individual has strong worries about rejection and abandonment, leading to clingy or needy behaviors in relationships. The video discusses how an unavailable partner can feed into this attachment style by providing intermittent attention, which can create an exciting yet unstable dynamic. This concept is used to explain why someone might be drawn to relationships that are not secure or reliable.

💡daddy issues

The term 'daddy issues' is colloquially used to describe unresolved emotional conflicts stemming from a person's relationship with their father, often due to a lack of presence or support during childhood. In the video, it is suggested that such issues might lead to a pattern of being attracted to unavailable men, as it recreates a familiar, albeit unhealthy, relationship dynamic. The script uses this concept to explore how early life experiences can influence adult romantic choices.

💡shiny objects

In the video, 'shiny objects' is a metaphor for attractive but ultimately unsuitable romantic interests. The speaker uses this term to describe how one might be drawn to exciting, fleeting connections that provide immediate gratification but lack long-term potential. The concept is employed to caution against pursuing relationships that are enjoyable in the moment but do not align with one's deeper desires for a meaningful partnership.

💡side chick

A 'side chick' is a slang term for a woman who is involved with a man who is already in a committed relationship. The video uses this term to describe a situation where the viewer might be unknowingly or knowingly involved with a man who is not fully available due to his existing relationship commitments. This keyword is used to highlight the potential for being in a relationship that is not recognized or prioritized by the man.

💡heart guarded

To have one's 'heart guarded' means to protect oneself emotionally, often by avoiding deep emotional connections to prevent being hurt. The video suggests that the viewer might subconsciously seek out unavailable partners as a way to keep their heart guarded, thus avoiding the risk of heartbreak. This concept is used to explain a defensive mechanism that can lead to a cycle of choosing partners who are not capable of offering a full commitment.

💡breadcrumbs

In the context of the video, 'breadcrumbs' refers to the minimal attention or commitment that an unavailable partner might offer. The term is used metaphorically to describe the sparse emotional nourishment that such a partner provides, which is insufficient for a healthy relationship. The video discusses how a belief in not deserving more can lead to accepting these 'breadcrumbs' instead of seeking a more fulfilling partnership.

💡patterns

Patterns in this video refer to recurring themes or behaviors in an individual's romantic relationships. The speaker encourages the viewer to identify these patterns, such as a consistent attraction to unavailable partners, to understand underlying issues that may be influencing their choices. Recognizing and addressing these patterns is presented as a step towards breaking the cycle and fostering healthier relationship choices.

💡boundaries

Setting 'boundaries' in the video is discussed as a crucial step in defining what is acceptable and unacceptable in relationships. It involves communicating one's needs and limits clearly to ensure respect and reciprocity. The concept is used to emphasize the importance of self-respect and self-worth in attracting partners who value and commit to the relationship.

💡self-worth

Self-worth, as discussed in the video, is the belief in one's own value and deservingness of love and respect. The script suggests that recognizing and asserting one's self-worth can influence the type of partners one attracts. It is presented as a key factor in moving away from relationships with unavailable men towards those who are committed and present.

💡fun

In the video, 'fun' is used to describe the light-hearted, enjoyable aspects of a relationship that might be prioritized over the deeper, more challenging aspects of partnership. The speaker points out that focusing solely on the fun can prevent the formation of a true, lasting relationship, which requires navigating through both the positive and negative experiences with a partner.

Highlights

Avoiding to establish his relationship status can lead to attracting unavailable men.

Hiding phone, taking secretive calls, and being unavailable after certain hours may indicate he's hiding a relationship.

Being taken to remote places might be an attempt to hide you, suggesting you're a 'side chick'.

Desiring what you can't have can lead to patterns of attraction to unavailable men.

Anxious attachment can be fed by men who are unavailable, creating a cycle of attraction.

Writing down similarities in past relationships can reveal patterns that attract unavailable partners.

Liking unavailable, non-prioritized partners can indicate a pattern of avoiding commitment.

Not being clear about what you're looking for can lead to distractions from 'shiny objects'.

Attraction to unavailable men might stem from 'daddy issues' and an absent father figure.

Recreating the love model experienced with an absent father can lead to choosing unavailable partners.

Seeking only fun and avoiding deeper commitment can attract men who are unwilling to invest in a relationship.

Believing you don't deserve someone who chooses you can result in attracting men who give minimal commitment.

Setting boundaries and vocalizing your needs can help attract partners who respect and value you.

Realizing your value and what you have to offer can change the type of people you attract.

Protecting your heart by choosing unavailable partners can be a subconscious way to avoid heartbreak.

Healing from past heartbreaks can help in attracting healthier, more available partners.

Sharing this video with friends can help them recognize and change patterns of attracting unavailable men.

Transcripts

Seven reasons you keep attracting  married and unavailable guys. 

You are avoiding to establish  his relationship status. Yes,  

he clearly told you that he's  single, he is not married. 

However, his behavior is just a bit… You have this inkling in you saying  

that something is not right. You can see him hiding his phone,  

he's going out to take phone calls, he's not  available after a certain time of the day.

He may be doing things like taking you  out in these remote places and you may  

be thinking that, Oh, he's going the  extra mile. He wants to impress you,  

but maybe he's just trying to hide  you because you are his side chick. 

I would probably watch his  actions and see what is happening.

You only want what you can't have. You have a clear pattern of maybe once  

a guy is showing you a lot of attention,  you're just like he's a bit needy… 

However, when a guy is more unavailable, when  he's able to feed all your anxious attachment  

and he's pulling away, giving you a little  bit of attention again, this is your thing. 

And you are being fed on that. And this idea of not being able to have  

something that you really want is almost giving  you that little excitement that you're looking  

for because you are not in a place where you  can maintain a steady and healthy relationship.

I would sit down and write down some of the  similarities that you can see in the previous  

long-term relationships that you had. And maybe as you write that down,  

you will see, Oh, there is a clear pattern. I'm very into people that are not present,  

that are unavailable, that  are not making me a priority. 

And I'll talk about it a bit later, so make  sure that you stay and you don't run away.

You are not clear about what you are looking for. When you are not clear about what you're looking  

for it's very easy to get  distracted by shiny objects. 

This thing happened to me actually a few  months… no, more than a few months ago. 

I'm walking down the street and I  see this guy and I check him out  

a little bit. And then he checks me out. Next thing I know we are having a coffee on  

that day that we just met, then we are going  to have a meal at this lovely Italian place. 

And I can clearly see how I'm very  interested, he is very interested. 

However, as I'm asking a few questions and I'm  trying to figure out what this person is about,  

I can sense it this could be my  playmate for the next six months  

and maybe we could have lots of fun playtime. However, that is not going to be my potential  

life partner, my potential husband,  or whoever that you are looking for. 

As difficult as it is, I have to walk away  from this shiny object. Delete his number,  

so I am not tempted to do those things that are  taking me away from where I actually want to be.

Another reason you may be interested  in unavailable married guys is  

because you have daddy issues. You may be coming from a family  

where either your dad was not present,  maybe your parents had a divorce when  

you were young and for the majority of  your life, your dad was not really there. 

You did not have that support, the kind  of relationship that a woman is supposed  

to build with her father to actually know  what that nourishing loving relationship is. 

Because then later that translates  into your romantic relationships.

And now because you have those so-called  daddy issues and your dad was not present,  

you are kind of picking and choosing these  unavailable men, because when you are with  

that unavailable man, you are recreating that love  model that you experienced with your own father. 

It may sound like, ‘Why would I want to have  sex with someone that reminds me of my father?’ 

But it's just so deep-rooted in you  that you may not even realize that. 

And there may be a number of other issues that you  are going through in your life just because your  

dad was not present when you were growing  up. Something I talk about in this video.

You only want the fun. You are not interested  

in his sick mother, his back pain, his  failed business venture, his horrible boss,  

or whatever else he's going through. You only want the light-hearted fun. 

Fancy holidays, dinners… So as much as you are thinking, 

‘Oh, I'd like to actually meet someone with  that I could build a beautiful relationship’

The way you are showing up, you only want the fun. 

And the thing is, yes, it's amazing  to have fun with that person. 

However, if you want to build a true relationship,  there will be tears, there will be disagreements  

and there will be a lot of annoying things  that maybe you don't like about this person,  

that he's bringing to the table. Just like you're bringing yours.

You don't think you deserve  someone who chooses you. 

The thing is when you are a woman…  You don't even have to be the most  

strikingly beautiful, hot, whatever woman… But if you don't have this don't talk to  

me attitude, you don't look like a witch or  whatever, and you actually look at people,  

people will come to you, people will approach you.

Now the thing is you as a woman you have  a choice who is it that you want to pick. 

And if you believe that you don't  deserve anyone who really chooses you,  

who wants to be present with you. If you only think that you deserve  

to be with someone that only gives  you breadcrumbs and the very minimum,  

then guess what? You will  only attract those people.

It's important that you start  setting your boundaries and  

you say what is right and what is wrong. It's important that you actually start vocalizing  

what is it that you want, that you actually tell  this person when you feel disrespected or when  

this person did something that you feel is out  of line. These things are extremely important. 

Unless you start stating that, you will  only continue attracting breadcrumbs.

The moment you realize your value  and that actually what you have to  

give is of importance, then you start  attracting different kind of people.

You had your heart broken. You were  really in love, this person hurt you. 

And now you're thinking… Of course, you're probably  

not even realizing that you are doing. But you are thinking subconsciously if I'm  

seeing this person who's already unavailable,  if I'm seeing this person who's married then  

I can't really have my heart broken, because  I already know that I'm just his side chick,  

that his missus is waiting at home for him and  he's never going to really be serious with me,  

he's never really going to be invested in me. He's only gonna give me breadcrumbs. 

So I'm just going to keep this  distance. I'm going to keep my  

heart guarded and as long as I'm keeping my  heart guarded, no one can really hurt me. 

And I know this is extremely painful, but there  are certain things that you can do to recover.  

Something I talk about in this video. Like this video, if you found anything  

that I said useful, make sure that  you share it with your girlfriend. 

For more subscribe and hit notifications.  Thank you so much for watching