so you have a crush

Summary

This video explores the emotional rollercoaster of having a crush, examining how it can color our experiences and even lead to obsession. It discusses the transformative power of love and how crushes can reveal new aspects of ourselves. The script also critiques dating apps for their lack of spontaneity and potential to create uncomfortable situations. It suggests that crushes can be a sign of our own unmet needs and that self-actualization is a more ethical approach than pursuing an infatuation.

Takeaways

• 💔 Crushes can be a double-edged sword, bringing excitement and hope but also the potential for unrequited love and emotional turmoil.
• 🌟 The concept of 'the fall' in love suggests a transformative encounter that redefines one's identity and desires, not just a fulfillment of pre-existing needs.
• 🤔 Crushes often reflect our own unrealized ideals and values, serving as a mirror to what we might be seeking in a partner.
• 📱 Dating apps may limit the potential for transformative love by focusing on algorithmic matchmaking rather than the unpredictable nature of genuine connections.
• 🧐 The experience of having a crush can lead to an obsessive state known as limerence, characterized by intense attachment and emotional distress.
• 😵‍♀️ Crushes can cause significant psychological strain, including ruminative thinking, anxiety, depression, and even self-harm in extreme cases.
• 👥 The object of a crush can also experience discomfort and distress, particularly if they do not reciprocate the feelings and are pursued relentlessly.
• 🤝 It's important to approach crushes with humility and respect for the other person's feelings and boundaries.
• 🌱 Crushes can serve as a catalyst for personal growth, prompting individuals to confront their own unmet emotional needs and desires.
• 💡 The process of overcoming an unrequited crush involves recognizing the difference between the fantasy of the crush and the reality of the person, and focusing on self-improvement rather than seeking validation from the crush.

Q & A

What does the script suggest about the impact of crushes on our lives?

The script suggests that crushes can color our experiences with a hopeful glaze of innocent infatuation and orient us towards a goal to be with the person we have a crush on. However, they can also extend beyond rationality and lead to unrequited love, causing emotional turmoil and sleepless nights.

How does the script describe the transformative aspect of falling in love?

The script describes falling in love as a transformative event that alters our lives and redefines who we are, our needs, and potentials. It suggests that love interests can reveal new aspects of ourselves that we were previously unaware of, awakening potentials within us.

What critique does the script present about dating apps?

The script critiques dating apps for excluding the potentially transformational fall in love in favor of algorithmic matchmaking. It argues that dating apps minimize vulnerability and the spontaneity of romance, focusing instead on a list of preferences and physical attraction.

What is the psychological term used in the script to describe an intense and obsessive attachment to someone?

The psychological term used in the script to describe an intense and obsessive attachment to someone is 'limerence'.

How does the script characterize the experience of being the object of a crush?

The script characterizes being the object of a crush as an uncomfortable and awkward situation. It can lead to feelings of flattery that may quickly turn into bewilderment, guilt, and anger due to the relentless pursuit from the person with the crush.

What does the script suggest about the nature of crushes from a phenomenological perspective?

From a phenomenological perspective, the script suggests that crushes can be seen as pathological, where a sudden and shocking event breaks into one's personal world, leading to a radical transformation of the experience world.

What advice does the script offer for those who are struggling with an unrequited crush?

The script advises those with an unrequited crush to recognize that the person they have a crush on is not their solution or salvation, and that the fantasy they have developed is likely inaccurate. It suggests identifying and applying the attractive ideals of the crush to one's own life, without seeking the crush's approval.

How does the script relate the concept of limerence to personal growth and self-actualization?

The script relates limerence to personal growth and self-actualization by suggesting that the intense feelings of limerence can create a window of opportunity for individuals to undertake serious emotional growth and to allow repressed, more authentic parts of their personality greater access to conscious living.

What is the script's view on the control we have over our crushes?

The script suggests that we do have agency over our crushes. It encourages individuals to identify that their crush is not a solution to their problems and to reflect on the ideals that justify their obsession, potentially applying these ideals to their own lives for self-improvement.

What is the script's stance on the portrayal of crushes in media?

The script critiques the media's portrayal of crushes, which often follows a script where the limerent individual is justified in their intense passion and likely sees their feelings reciprocated. It points out that there are few cultural scripts for the person who is being crushed on, despite the discomfort and awkwardness they may experience.