Did you judge me? Transform stereotype, racism, and your world | Zamina Mithani | TEDxStanleyPark

Summary

In this powerful speech, the speaker shares personal experiences of being judged based on appearance, such as wearing a hijab, and how it led to isolation and bullying. She emphasizes the importance of looking beyond superficial judgments, advocating for understanding and kindness. Through anecdotes, including a memorable rap performance for a school fundraiser and an encounter with a homeless man named Jacob, she illustrates the transformative power of empathy and the dangers of stereotyping. The speaker calls for a society that values actions and stories over appearances, urging listeners to judge their own judgments and to see the common humanity beneath our diverse exteriors.

Takeaways

• 🧢 The speaker's choice to wear a hijab in grade 3 led to immediate judgment and alienation from peers, highlighting the impact of appearance on social interactions.
• 👥 Judging others based on appearance not only limits our opportunities to learn from them but also erects societal barriers that hinder collaboration.
• 🌈 The speaker humorously recounts an incident of being teased about her hijab, emphasizing the absurdity of judging someone based on a single aspect of their appearance.
• 🚗 An anecdote about the speaker's grandmother's prejudice against a man in a hoodie illustrates how quickly we can judge others without knowing their true character.
• 🗣️ The speaker challenges the audience to look beyond appearances by considering alternative narratives, such as the man in the hoodie being a traffic engineer or a celebrity.
• 📱 The societal obsession with appearance is reflected in social media platforms that capitalize on our desire to look good and be perceived positively.
• 🎭 The speaker's creative fundraising approach, which involved rapping, broke stereotypes and led to successful donations, demonstrating the power of defying expectations.
• 🌍 The script emphasizes the importance of judging people by their actions and contributions rather than their appearance, which is a more accurate reflection of their character.
• 🤝 An encounter with a homeless man named Jacob taught the speaker a valuable lesson about the power of kindness and the importance of not judging others based on their circumstances.
• 🔄 The speaker argues that the 'us versus them' mentality is outdated and harmful, urging the audience to evolve beyond primitive thinking and towards a more inclusive worldview.
• 💡 To combat prejudice, the speaker suggests actively looking for the positive in others and being kind, as these actions can bridge the gap between judgment and understanding.

Q & A

What significant change occurred in the speaker's life when she started wearing a piece of cloth on her head?

The speaker's classmates began to judge her, and friends started distancing themselves from her, highlighting the impact of appearance on social interactions.

Why did the girl bully the speaker by mentioning rainbow hair?

The girl was trying to mock the speaker's appearance, specifically her hijab, by suggesting it was worn to hide 'rainbow hair', which was a mean-spirited attempt to ridicule her religious and cultural practices.

What did the speaker's grandmother do that demonstrated a common judgment based on appearance?

The speaker's grandmother advised against parking in a spot because a man in a hoodie 'looked like a thief', illustrating how quickly people can make assumptions based on superficial observations.

How does the speaker feel about the societal obsession with appearance, particularly on social media?

The speaker criticizes the obsession, noting that platforms like Facebook, Tinder, Instagram, and Snapchat have capitalized on the idea that people are overly concerned with their appearance and how they are perceived.

What creative approach did the speaker use to encourage her school to raise more funds for a village in Haiti?

The speaker used a rap performance, wearing sunglasses and a diamond-studded jacket, to surprise and engage the parents at a parent-teacher assembly, which ultimately led to more donations.

What lesson did the speaker learn from her interaction with a homeless man named Jacob?

The speaker learned the importance of not judging others and the value of kindness. Jacob thanked her for not judging him and encouraged her to continue being kind, showing that connection is more important than judgment.

Why does the speaker argue that judging others is a first step into 'quicksand'?

Judging others can lead to a slippery slope of prejudice, discrimination, and even violence. The speaker uses the metaphor of quicksand to illustrate how judgments can escalate into harmful actions and societal issues.

What are the two things the speaker suggests we can do to avoid making judgments based on appearance?

The speaker suggests looking kindly upon everyone we meet and focusing on the positive aspects of those who look different from us, rather than making quick judgments.

How does the speaker describe the commonality among all humans, regardless of appearance or background?

The speaker emphasizes that beneath our external differences, all humans are fundamentally the same, as evidenced by our shared biological responses to pain and pleasure.

What is the main message the speaker conveys about the importance of not judging people by their appearance?

The speaker advocates for looking beyond surface appearances to understand and connect with others, arguing that doing so fosters a more compassionate and inclusive society.

Outlines

00:00

👳‍♀️ The Impact of Stereotyping

The speaker recounts her experience of being judged by her appearance after wearing a hijab in grade 3, leading to social isolation and bullying. She emphasizes the importance of not judging others based on their looks, as it can lead to missed opportunities for understanding and collaboration. The speaker also shares an incident where her grandmother made an assumption about a man based on his attire, highlighting the pervasive nature of appearance-based judgments in society.

05:02

🎤 Challenging Preconceptions Through Rap

The speaker describes a school fundraising event where she was asked to make an announcement to encourage more donations for a village in Haiti. To challenge stereotypes and break preconceived notions, she performed a rap wearing sunglasses and a flashy jacket, which was unexpected given her Muslim appearance. This act not only surprised the audience but also led to a successful fundraising outcome, demonstrating the power of defying expectations.

10:05

🥪 Kindness Beyond Judgments

The speaker shares a story of encountering homeless men in Vancouver and deciding to help them by making and distributing sandwiches. Through this act of kindness, she had a profound interaction with one of the men, Jacob, who thanked her and shared his own experiences of being judged. This encounter taught her the importance of being kind and not judging others, as it can lead to a deeper understanding and connection with people.

15:07

🌐 Beyond Labels: Embracing Our Shared Humanity

In the final paragraph, the speaker calls for a shift in perspective from judging others based on appearance to recognizing our shared humanity. She argues that we should avoid making snap judgments and instead focus on the positive aspects of those who look different from us. By doing so, we can move towards a world of love and understanding, where our differences are celebrated rather than feared or judged.

Keywords

💡Judgment

In the context of the video, 'judgment' refers to the act of forming an opinion or making a decision about someone or something based on superficial aspects such as appearance. The speaker emphasizes that judgment can be harmful and lead to missed opportunities for understanding and collaboration. The video illustrates this through personal anecdotes, such as the speaker's classmates judging her for wearing a hijab, and the speaker's grandmother's initial judgment of a man in a hoodie.

💡Appearance

The term 'appearance' is central to the video's message, as it discusses how people's outward looks can lead to stereotypes and prejudice. The speaker uses her own experience of wearing a hijab to highlight how appearance can influence others' perceptions and treatment. The video argues for looking beyond appearances to understand the true nature of individuals.

💡Stereotypes

Stereotypes are generalized and often oversimplified images or ideas about a particular type of person or thing. The video discusses how stereotypes can be limiting and harmful, as they prevent people from seeing the individuality and complexity of others. The speaker provides examples from her own life, such as being asked where she is 'really' from, which reflects a stereotype about her cultural background.

💡Bullying

'Bullying' is mentioned in the video as a negative consequence of judgment and stereotypes. The speaker recounts an incident where she was bullied by a classmate who made fun of her for wearing a hijab. This keyword is used to illustrate the real-life impact of negative assumptions based on appearance.

💡Discrimination

Discrimination is the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex. The video connects the act of judgment to the broader issue of discrimination, suggesting that initial judgments can escalate into more serious forms of prejudice and unfair treatment.

💡Kindness

Throughout the video, 'kindness' is presented as an antidote to judgment and prejudice. The speaker shares a story of meeting a homeless man named Jacob, who, despite his circumstances, showed kindness and understanding. This encounter underscores the video's message that treating others with kindness can break down barriers and lead to more meaningful connections.

💡Prejudice

Prejudice is a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience. The video discusses how prejudice can stem from quick judgments made based on appearance. The speaker argues that by questioning our initial judgments, we can work against prejudice and treat others more fairly.

💡Hijab

The 'hijab' is a head covering worn by some Muslim women as a symbol of modesty and privacy. In the video, the speaker's wearing of a hijab is used as a recurring example of how appearance can lead to judgment and stereotyping. It serves to highlight the theme of the video by illustrating the speaker's personal experiences with judgment.

💡Social Media

The video touches on the role of social media platforms like Facebook, Tinder, and Instagram in perpetuating the importance of appearance. The speaker points out that these platforms have made billions by capitalizing on people's desire to present themselves in a certain way, which can lead to judgment based on online appearances.

💡Diversity

Diversity refers to the variety of different types of people involved in a particular activity or place. The video celebrates diversity and argues against reducing individuals to stereotypes. The speaker uses the diversity of her own experiences and those of others to show that there is beauty in the differences among people.

💡Connection

'Connection' in the video refers to the act of forming a bond or relationship with someone, often based on understanding and empathy. The speaker contrasts the divisiveness of judgment with the unifying power of connection, suggesting that by looking beyond appearances, we can form deeper, more meaningful relationships with others.

Highlights

The speaker's choice to wear a hijab in grade 3 led to immediate judgment and social isolation from peers.

A girl tried to bully the speaker by mocking her hijab, to which the speaker responded with humor about hiding bald spots.

Judging others by appearance can lead to missed opportunities for learning and collaboration, creating societal barriers.

The speaker's grandmother's prejudice against a man in a hoodie for looking like a thief illustrates common snap judgments.

People often ask the speaker where she is 'really from,' reflecting assumptions based on her appearance.

The speaker was born and raised in Vancouver, challenging the assumptions made about her based on her hijab.

Society's obsession with appearance is evident in the success of social media platforms focused on looks.

The speaker suggests judging people by their actions, stories, company, and contributions instead of their appearance.

In grade seven, the speaker used a rap performance to encourage donations for a village in Haiti, surprising the audience.

The speaker argues that equating experience with appearance is arbitrary, using historical figures as examples.

An encounter with a homeless man named Jacob taught the speaker the importance of kindness over judgment.

The speaker emphasizes that 'us and them' thinking is outdated and blocks understanding of our shared humanity.

Judgment can lead to a dangerous cycle of prejudice, discrimination, and even violence if not checked.

Two actionable steps to avoid judgment are suggested: looking kindly upon everyone and focusing on the positive aspects of those who look different.

The speaker concludes by celebrating diversity and the common humanity that exists beyond superficial differences.

Transcripts

[Music]

[Applause]

when I was in grade 3 I went from this

to this

the next et little bend and I realized

how my simple choice to wear a piece of

cloth on my head would change my life

forever immediately my classmates

started judging me those that used to be

my friends started distancing themselves

from me until the point came where one

girl to try and bully me said hey I know

why you wear that it's because you have

rainbow hair so I looked at her not

knowing what to say and said I know it's

because I'm trying to hide my bald spots

judging others based on their appearance

is not just dumb it can be damaging when

we judge people by how they look we lose

out on the opportunity to learn from or

about them and society loses out on

those opportunities to collaborate

instead our biases become our barriers

our words become our walls and instead

of being kind to one another we start

categorizing each other into different

kinds the problem is the first time we

see someone sometimes we think enough we

know enough to pass a judgement and I'll

give you an example a couple of months

ago I was visiting my grandmother in

Toronto and we were trying to find

parking on Yonge Street so as I'm going

into this one spot she holds my hand and

she says saamana don't park here so I

looked at her and said nonny why not and

she said well do you see that man in the

hoodie he looks like a thief looks like

a thief because he's wearing a hoodie I

see people in the audience squirming

right now wearing their hoodies what if

in fact he was a traffic engineer trying

to fix the traffic lights or Drake

trying to find his cellphone on the

sidewalk I don't know

I don't know because I decided to park

two blocks away a common question that I

get once people figure out that I can

speak English is they ask they asked me

where are you from like where are you

really from Syria India or from that

show on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

well I think I would make a fantastic

Ninja Turtle the first two are incorrect

because in fact I was born and raised

right here in Vancouver but before I get

a chance to answer that question before

I get a chance to answer that question

some have already answered it for me

some have already judged me by what's on

my head without bothering to find out

what's in it today our society is

obsessed with appearance and we only

need to look at our smartphones to know

that this is true the founders of

Facebook tinder Instagram snapchat have

made billions off of this idea that

nobody here likes to look bad nobody

here not you not me likes to look bad or

be perceived negatively or incorrectly

based only upon our appearance and

that's why we try so hard to fit in just

look at Facebook when we post our new

profile picture don't we think hmmm how

many likes am I going to get how many

comments am I going to get and perhaps

if you're single your favorite app might

be tinder or if you're single and Muslim

they've come up with a new app called

Mandir

but whatever your type we swipe left and

right judge left and right faster than

we order our morning cup of coffee so

instead of judging people by their

appearance why can't we judge them by

their actions by the stories they share

by the company they keep by their

contributions to society when I was in

grade seven

my school was fundraising for a village

in Haiti but we weren't quite raising

enough so my teacher came to me and said

saamana I need you to give an

announcement tomorrow's parent-teacher

assembly asking them to donate more so

being the total Keener that I was I said

okay I'll do it

and I got up the next morning in my

uniform and of course my hijab and stood

there with a piece of paper in my hand

and I saw that the parents were looking

at me up and down like where did this

Muslim girl come from but I wasn't fazed

and I stood there just as everyone

thought I was gonna read out an ordinary

announcement I reached into my bag and

put on these silver Snoop Dog shades and

a blood-red

diamond studded jacket that would have

made Elton John a bit jealous and I

stood there and all of my gaudy gear and

I started rapping

it doesn't matter where you're from or

where you think you're gonna be we're

all just one when you go skiing deep

Haiti or Canada were all the same don't

call me by my label just call me by my

name

but I swear the parents looked at me the

most confused look I have ever seen they

were probably thinking - that really

happen did Kanye West go east and have a

kid with Isis but surprisingly as soon

as I stopped rapping they started

clapping and pretty soon we ended up

raising more money than we ever expected

so what you might think the moral of the

story is is that it pays to be different

and sure it paid for those five minutes

but I think the only reason it did was

because I had completely obliterated

their pre-judgement because we would

have thought that a hijab' girl could

rap right and it shows equating

experience with appearance is so

arbitrary just look at history did

Einstein voluminous hair have anything

to do with his theory on relativity did

Gandhi's loincloth help him conquer

colonialism and did the hippy mustache

of Hitler make him any less of a bad

person look at me I am a visibly Muslim

woman doing a talk on stereotyping this

is a stereotype

because if you think about it there are

so many Muslims who don't look like me

and there are so many people who look

like me who are just cold

[Applause]

[Music]

why distinguish which one is which

instead we need to start judging our

judgments I stumbled across a way to do

this to judge our pre judgments on a

cold rainy Vancouver afternoon my

friends and I were driving near the

Downtown Eastside and we stopped at an

intersection at Pigeon Park we looked

out of the window and saw a group of

homeless men huddled shivering in the

cold their cardboard boxes damp ties

flailing in the wind and there was one

particular man who was sitting inside of

his cardboard box and we looked at him

his dark skin a scraggly beard and a

deep scar down his right cheek the light

turned green and we went off but that

image still stayed in my mind so I

turned to my friends and said listen we

have to go back we have to help these

hungry people on the streets and so

that's what we did we went back to our

dorms and made the best college styled

egg salad sandwiches went back out onto

the streets and started giving them out

and as we're giving them out I feel a

tap on my shoulder I turn around and

it's none other than that same homeless

man that I had seen before he looked at

me and I looked at him his blue eyes and

my brown two people who had been put

into boxes their entire lives

me in a racial box and him in a

cardboard one I turned to him and

quickly handed him to egg salad

sandwiches and with his hands trembling

he said thank you thank you for my first

meal in three days he continued I'm so

sorry about the kinds of things that

people might say about those who look

like you I want you to know that none of

it is true please continue to be who you

are please continue to be kind I didn't

know what to say

so I just looked at him and said sir

what's your name he said wow it's been a

long time since anyone has asked me my

name my name is Jacob

so I said Jacob thank you I hope you

have a wonderful day and he left that

day Jacob taught me a very important

lesson on how to judge your judgement

and that is to continue to be kind that

this small simple act of kindness is the

bridge that connects judgments from afar

and connection from up close because if

I had judged Jacob that day if I had

called him dirty diseased downtrodden

unemployed or if he had looked at me as

something that he may have seen on the

news the neither one of us would have

understood each other in a light that

the world normally never sees and it

shows this idea of us and them is so

outdated

it blocks way back it belongs way back

in the day not back in the day when we

had land mines further back when we were

nomadic hunters on savannas when the

idea of us was a fellow human and them

was a hungry lion trying to eat us but

since our emerge from savannas to cities

and then from cities to Siri we've

evolved but our thinking hasn't we're

still stuck in this primitive idea that

those who look like us are more superior

to those that don't this whole idea of

judgment more importantly is a first

step it's a first step into quicksand

because pretty soon we've gone from

judgment to prejudice and from

prejudiced is discrimination and then

we've gone from a world of immigration

bans and hashtags to targeted shootings

and ethnic cleansing because all it

takes is for one person to judge all it

takes is for one

basement to look at a child in a hoodie

and call him a thief all it takes is for

one president to get up on TV and call

Mexicans rapists all it takes is for one

employer to look at me and say sorry you

don't look like the right fit

so let's avoid this judgment and let's

avoid this first step and there are two

things that you can do today to help

avoid taking this step of prejudgment

and the first is yes to look kindly upon

everyone that you meet that it doesn't

matter what people look like or where

they're really from what matters at the

end of the day is how they can help us

grow and sometimes it's the people that

don't look like us that teach us the

most that you may be surprised that that

neighbor of yours with curly dreadlocks

and cheetah print leggings is actually a

neurosurgeon who saves lives every day

and when you open your hearts to

kindness and make that the center of

your thoughts on judgement then and only

then can we move beyond a world of

labels and towards a world of love the

second thing is to look at the upside

the positive rather than the downside of

those who look different than us

sometimes we're really quick to feel

like we have enough information to pass

a judgement just like my grandma but

it's important that we look at people

for who they are

that the greatest leaders of our worlds

than Mandela's and the Malolos were all

given awards and given honor based on

their merit and not on their melanin and

so if we do these three things if we

judge our judgment if we look kindly

upon everyone and if we look at the

upside rather than the downside of those

who look different than us then we will

discover that beyond our hoodies and

hijabs we are all just raw red flesh

that the white girl and the black boy

the Muslim father and the Jewish mother

the

in the sand and the grandmother on a

respirator all have one thing in common

when you cut us we bleed and when you

tickle us we smile and if you ask us do

we look the same

we will probably say no no we don't we

don't look the same and that is

precisely what makes our species so

beautiful so next time you jump to

judgment remember it doesn't matter

where you're from or where you think

you're gonna be we're all just one when

you go skin deep

[Applause]

thank you

[Applause]