Emotional Manipulator Tactics and What They Say!

Summary

The video discusses emotional manipulators and their tactics, focusing on how they seek control through guilt, fear, or shame. It explores the reasons behind manipulation, such as a need for dominance or filling a void, often rooted in insecurity and low self-esteem. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing manipulative phrases and behaviors, and understanding the manipulator's motives to maintain healthy boundaries and self-esteem.

Takeaways

• 🔍 Manipulators seek control and use tactics to make others conform to their desires.
• 🤔 The need for control often stems from a lack of self-esteem and a desire to feel important.
• 🌱 People who struggle with control may have experienced a lack of control in their upbringing.
• 🚫 Manipulators often have a hard time recognizing their own manipulative behavior.
• 🔎 They assess their targets to determine the most effective manipulation tactics: fear, guilt, or shame.
• 💔 Manipulators use guilt to make their targets feel responsible for their happiness or well-being.
• 😨 Fear is used when manipulators know their targets are codependent and reliant on them.
• 🗣️ Shame is employed when manipulators want to exploit insecurities or vulnerabilities.
• 🔄 Manipulation is a process of grooming, involving multiple tactics and phrases over time.
• 👂 Listening to and understanding the manipulator's phrases can help identify and resist their control attempts.
• 📌 It's crucial to recognize one's own value and not let manipulators define one's self-worth.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video?

The main topic of the video is about emotional manipulators and the phrases they use to control and manipulate others.

What is the primary goal of a manipulator?

The primary goal of a manipulator is to seek control over another person, often to fulfill their own needs or desires.

Why do some people become manipulators?

Some people become manipulators due to underlying insecurities, low self-esteem, or a desire for dominance, which may stem from their upbringing or personal experiences.

How can a manipulator make someone feel guilty?

A manipulator can make someone feel guilty by making themselves appear as a victim, highlighting the other person's actions as hurtful, and accusing them of not being a good friend or partner.

What is gaslighting, and how does it relate to manipulation?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a manipulator makes someone question their own reality or sanity. It is often used in conjunction with other manipulative tactics to control and confuse the victim.

How can a manipulator use fear to control someone?

A manipulator can use fear by threatening consequences if the person doesn't comply, making passive-aggressive comments, or exploiting the person's insecurities and fears of losing the relationship.

What is the role of shame in manipulation?

Shame is used by manipulators to focus on the victim's insecurities or perceived weaknesses, making them feel inadequate or unworthy, and thus more susceptible to control.

How can one recognize if they are being manipulated?

To recognize manipulation, one should pay attention to patterns of behavior, such as passive-aggressive comments, threats, or attempts to make the person feel guilty, fearful, or ashamed. Trusting one's intuition can also help identify manipulative behavior.

What is the importance of understanding the manipulator's tactics?

Understanding the manipulator's tactics is crucial for identifying and resisting manipulation. It helps the victim recognize the patterns and develop strategies to maintain their boundaries and self-esteem.

What advice does the speaker give for dealing with manipulators?

The speaker advises viewers to slow down, listen to what people are saying, and trust their intuition. They should also understand the manipulator's tactics and recognize whether they are being subjected to fear, guilt, or shame.

Outlines

00:00

🧐 Understanding Emotional Manipulators

This paragraph introduces the topic of emotional manipulators and their tactics. It explains that manipulators seek control and use specific phrases to make their targets feel guilty, ashamed, or fearful. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing these manipulative behaviors, especially for those with poor boundaries. The root of manipulation is linked to the manipulator's need for dominance or control, often stemming from their own insecurities and low self-esteem.

05:01

🕵️‍♂️ Identifying Manipulative Tactics

The second paragraph delves into the manipulator's strategy of examining their target to determine the most effective tactics, such as fear, guilt, or shame. It highlights the manipulator's grooming process, which involves gaslighting and a series of phrases designed to elicit specific emotional responses. The paragraph also discusses how manipulators exploit the target's vulnerabilities and the importance of being aware of these tactics to maintain one's boundaries and self-esteem.

10:01

💔 Dealing with Shame and Codependency

The third paragraph focuses on how manipulators use shame to control their targets, particularly when the target is insecure or codependent. It describes how manipulators exploit the target's fear of losing the relationship or being seen as weak. The speaker advises on how to recognize passive-aggressive comments and the manipulator's attempts to undermine the target's self-esteem. The paragraph concludes with a call to understand the manipulator's patterns and to be mindful of their words and intentions.

Keywords

💡Emotional Manipulators

Emotional manipulators are individuals who use psychological tactics to influence and control others. In the context of the video, they employ various phrases to make others feel guilty, fearful, or ashamed, thereby gaining control over them. The video aims to educate viewers on how to recognize these manipulative behaviors and phrases.

💡Abusive People

Abusive people are those who engage in harmful behaviors, often to exert control over others. The video series aims to shed light on the typical language and tactics used by such individuals. Understanding these patterns can help individuals identify and cope with abusive relationships.

💡Control

Control is a central theme in the video, referring to the manipulator's desire to dominate and influence others. It is often driven by the manipulator's need to feel important or to compensate for their own insecurities. The video emphasizes that manipulators use control as a means to fulfill their own needs, often at the expense of others.

💡Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone question their own reality or sanity. In the video, it is presented as a tactic used by manipulators to make their victims doubt their own perceptions and memories, thereby making it easier for the manipulator to control them.

💡Narcissistic

Narcissistic individuals have an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration. They often lack empathy and can be manipulative. The video suggests that narcissists may not be aware of their manipulative behaviors and are driven by their ego to maintain control and dominance.

💡Codependency

Codependency refers to an emotional and behavioral condition where a person relies on others for their sense of self-worth and emotional well-being. In the video, codependency is discussed as a vulnerability that manipulators exploit, using the victim's need for validation to control them.

💡Passive-Aggressive

Passive-aggressive behavior involves indirect resistance or negative behavior to express dissatisfaction or to provoke a reaction. The video describes how manipulators might use passive-aggressive comments to undermine the self-esteem of their victims, making them more susceptible to manipulation.

💡Fear

Fear is a powerful emotion that can be exploited by manipulators to control others. In the video, it is discussed as a tactic where manipulators threaten or create a sense of danger to make their victims comply with their demands.

💡Guilt

Guilt is a feeling of remorse or responsibility for some offense, failure, or wrong conduct. Manipulators often induce guilt in their victims to make them feel obligated to fulfill the manipulator's desires. The video highlights how manipulators might make themselves appear as victims to elicit guilt in others.

💡Shame

Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. Manipulators use shame to make their victims feel inadequate or embarrassed about their actions or traits. The video discusses how manipulators might focus on areas where the victim is already insecure to intensify the feeling of shame.

💡Self-Esteem

Self-esteem refers to an individual's overall sense of their own worth or value. The video emphasizes the importance of having a healthy self-esteem to resist manipulation. Manipulators often target individuals with low self-esteem, knowing that they are more likely to seek external validation and be susceptible to control.

Highlights

The video discusses emotional manipulators and their tactics.

Manipulators seek control and dominance over others.

Abusers and manipulators often have a common goal: to make the victim feel guilty, ashamed, or fearful.

Manipulation is difficult to spot, especially for those with poor boundaries.

Manipulators may not be aware of their controlling behavior.

Many manipulators suffer from anxiety and a need for external validation.

Narcissistic and abusive individuals often come from dysfunctional backgrounds and lack self-awareness.

Manipulators examine their victims to determine the best tactics to use, such as fear, guilt, or shame.

Gaslighting is a common manipulative tactic used to make the victim question their own reality.

Manipulators use a variety of phrases and behaviors to groom their victims.

When using guilt, manipulators portray themselves as victims and make the victim feel selfish or unsupportive.

Fear is used when the manipulator knows the victim is codependent and relies heavily on the relationship.

Passive-aggressive comments and jabs at the victim's self-esteem are used to maintain control.

Shame is employed by focusing on the victim's insecurities and making them feel inadequate.

Understanding the manipulator's tactics and recognizing the patterns of abuse is crucial for the victim.

The video encourages viewers to be mindful of the language used by manipulators and to trust their intuition.

The speaker offers courses, ebooks, and other resources for those interested in learning more about manipulation and abuse.

Transcripts

hey guys uh welcome back thanks for

joining me for another video this week i

want to talk about emotional

manipulators and i want to give you some

phrases that an emotional manipulator

will use we're doing a little series on

here of different types of abusive

people and what they will typically say

because when i've done these videos over

the years people definitely want real

specifics on what is this person going

to say to me to try to manipulate me to

try to gaslight me to try to make me

feel guilty

shame me etc cetera so and i love this

because manipulation is a really tough

one and if you've never really learned

about this information and you have poor

boundaries yourself it's going to be

hard for you sometimes to be able to

spot when someone is manipulating you so

let's get into this manipulation the

reason for manipulation it kind of

varies depending on the abuser or the

manipulator but

what it all what any abuser or

manipulator has in common is they're

seeking control some people really

thrive on feeling dominant over another

person or

they want to get what they want out of

you so they need something from you in

order to get what they want they're

going to use manipulative tactics in

order to

have you conform and do something that

maybe you don't want to do and maybe you

normally wouldn't do and the goal is to

just basically get this person to get

what they want right which is control

when someone craves that kind of like

dominance or that control over another

person what it does is it really just

makes them feel good about themselves it

means that someone's actually listening

to them it means that someone's actually

giving them attention and for someone

who's narcissistic an abuser um someone

who's just really toxic and healthy they

thrive on those things because again

remember when you're dealing with toxic

and unhealthy people you're dealing with

someone who's severely insecure has a

lot of low self-esteem it may not always

appear that way but that is the

underlining message in all abusers so it

makes them feel important it makes them

feel

filled up inside because someone is not

only listening to them but actually

doing what they want hence the control

so why do people struggle with control

in that way that they then become

manipulative themselves one of the first

things is going to be and then we're

going to get into the phrases is a lot

of people that seek control actually

suffer from anxiety if growing up they

were raised in environments where they

felt very out of control it is going to

spark anxiety as they become adults when

you have felt out of control throughout

the course of your life or you haven't

learned how to fill yourself up you are

going to want to control things as an

adult or you're going to want

people or things outside of you to fill

you up because you didn't learn how to

do that in order to have self-esteem no

matter how much self-esteem you have

whether it's a little or a lot

you learn that skill

you learned on some levels how to fill

yourself up you learned that you didn't

need to put someone else down in order

to feel good about yourself like that's

a skill that you were taught so if you

weren't taught that skill and you don't

know how to really even do it for

yourself you're going to need it's like

air you're going to need something to

make you feel good inside hence why

people are addicted to drugs addicted to

eating addicted to working narcissistic

etc nine times out of ten someone who's

abusive or narcissistic will not even

know that they were raised in

dysfunction i know many people who are

very unaware to what happened to them

throughout the course of their childhood

in their life that causes them to be the

way they are today so people that are

not introspective at all

not curious or

even inquisitive about why am i this way

those are the people that can't

self-reflect those are the people that

tend to be narcissistic those are also

the people that are so far gone down the

rabbit hole that either they don't even

see the dysfunction or they can't even

face the dysfunction so a manipulator

most of the time is not going to even be

able to know that they are manipulating

they're not going to even be aware that

they're trying to dominate another

person that they're trying to control

the situation

now if you

love control and you like to dominate

other people really what that means is

your ego is at the forefront and your

ego

believes that it is right it believes

that it knows everything it believes

that it is the smartest person in the

room it cannot take criticism it cannot

take feedback it cannot take other

people chiming in that is why most

manipulators most narcissists are coming

from that space that type of personality

that type of character because they

can't take feedback they need the

control they need to get what they want

the way they want it when they want it

so it's a very childlike mentality which

i've said in a multitude of videos and

so what i want you to do is understand

not only just phrases that someone will

say but i want you to understand why

someone is even saying this to begin

with what are they trying to get out of

what are they trying to get out of

saying these things to me now all

manipulators since really what they're

doing is seeking control they're going

to examine the person in front of them

and learn about this person to see what

tactics should i use in order to get

this person to give me what they want in

order for them to conform so there's

always going to be three things that a

manipulator is going to kind of examine

you and see which one would work best

with you do you respond best to fear

do you respond best to guilt or do you

respond best to shame so remember with

manipulation two it's not just one

sentence that's said what happens is a

manipulator is grooming you so there's

going to be gaslighting that's done

there's going to be a multitude of

things that are said it's not just going

to be one phrase and you'll be able to

spot it it's going to be a multitude of

like these little things that are going

to be said in order for you to feel fear

to feel guilt or to fear shame or feel

shame excuse me so if a manipulator is

looking to use guilt on you the things

that they're going to say are going to

be things like this always happens to me

they hurt me so badly and i was just

trying to help that person so they're

going to make themselves feel like a

victim to you

they're going to say things like why do

you always do this you always like want

to bring this up and we go around and

around and it really upsets me i never

thought you would never be there for me

and i'm asking you for a favor and

you're saying no and that's not the kind

of friend that you are

you're being selfish how could you not

want to do this right now so when they

start to kind of like make you feel bad

for

the boundaries that you put in place or

when they're making themselves out to be

the victim so you'll feel bad for them

feel guilty that they're feeling the way

that they are that they're suffering in

any way

now they've hooked you and now all it

takes now since you've been hooked is

just a little bit more of those tactics

a little bit more of those stories a

little bit more of those phrases set in

different ways in order to really kind

of just like reel you in and get you to

do what they want you to do which is a

multitude of things it could be give

them something it could be look at them

in a certain way it could be just let

your boundaries down and just let me do

what i want to do when a narcissist or a

manipulator uses fear in their phrases

in order to kind of control you what

they've learned about you is that you

are

very much codependent on them that you

are very much reliant on having this

person in their life so they know where

they rank in your life and just how

valuable or how heavy that relationship

is to you so it means a lot to you and

it means

not that it means a lot and that that's

a bad thing but that it means so much to

you that this person this abuser this

narcissist this manipulator has almost

become your lifeline and when that

happens that means that you are now not

able to do and give

the

give yourself the stuff that you need to

give yourself that means there's no

self-parenting going on that means

there's you don't know how to love

yourself that means that you're severely

codependent that you're looking for

these outside people in order to fill

you up like i've always said the 80 20

rule you're looking for this person or a

multitude of people to give you 80 of

what you need every day in order to fill

yourself up and they know this and so

when the person knows okay i know i'm 80

to this person i know that this person

is not giving themselves the stuff that

they need to give themselves because

they're always looking for me to do it

they need that validation from me that

that that now i can abuse them because i

have them hooked i know where their

weaknesses so if it's

fear that you have

fear of losing this person fear of this

person looking at you in a different way

fear of other people looking at you in a

different way if those are going to be

kind of like your big wounds then the

phrases that they're going to say are

going to look a little bit different and

so you want to learn or you want to try

to understand what is this person saying

are they using fear are they using guilt

are they using shame on me so if they're

using fear right off the bat there's

going to be a lot of threatening going

on there's going to be a lot of well if

you don't do this then i can't do that

there's going to be a lot of tit-for-tat

because they're going to believe that

you really need them and that you need

them to do this or to give you this or

to be there for you and so because of

that

the threatening is really going to play

a big role in the phrases that this

person will say to you remember it's

always going to be a multitude of

phrases it's not just one so along with

the threatening it's also going to be a

little bit of picking at kind of like

your self-esteem or your ability to do

something so passive-aggressive comments

might start to play in at this point you

might start to hear little jabs being

said and if you just follow your

intuition if you just listen to what

people are saying to you you'll be able

to spot whether or not that was passive

aggressive or whether or not not that it

was even genuine just if it was hurtful

rather than always absorbing everything

that everyone says and just being very

unaware and very unconscious to

not being mindful to what people are

actually saying to you when you start to

slow down and you know like hey i really

think this person is narcissistic i

really think this person is not the

healthiest and if you start to slow down

and start to listen to what these people

are saying to you

you will very easily be able to start

hearing the fear the guilt the shame the

manipulation the narcissism the passive

aggressive comments because like i've

always said an abuser is not going to do

a multitude of different things they're

not going to go from like silent

treatment to passive aggressive they

will because they're always going to

have a couple of tactics that they like

to use on you so they might give the

silent treatment with just you and not

your sister or they might be passive

aggressive with your brother but your

mom can you know

just be very snarky and throw jabs

very blatantly at you and not be too

passive aggressive with it or just make

you feel guilty whenever you don't do

what it is that she wants you to do or

whatever that looks like so you have to

really understand the person in front of

you and what they like to do

and what they like to say to you to get

you to try to control you essentially

now if they're coming from shame then

what they're going to do is they're

going to focus on an area within

yourself that you feel insecure about

so if it's your weight if it's your

sensitivity it's going to be an area

where in the past when they've kind of

like shined a light on this and tried to

like poke you in this area you reacted

you reacted emotionally you went

you know a little too crazy where maybe

you did become a little erratic because

you were so upset by what it is that

they said to you whether it was password

aggressive or not it was the area or the

wound when sat inside of you that they

picked at

and they know that that wound's there

that they're going to continue to pick

out again sometimes they're going to be

blatant and they're just going to hit

you with it and it's going to be

relentless and it's going to cut you at

your knees and it's going to hurt you

and other times it's going to be a

little bit more subtle but it's still

shame so in the moments when you feel

weak

insecure vulnerable those are going to

be the times that this person is going

to see

and going to shame you for it

now if you're unaware of this

you're going to feel like you're the

problem you're going to feel like

something's wrong with you and that's

why this person is saying this so it's

so so important and i know

right off the bat an example was a time

i went to someone and i said you know i

think i want to go see a therapist i've

never done that before and i really

think it could actually possibly help me

and the person completely shamed me they

told me i need to learn how to fix my

own problems they told me that i just

need to work out they told me

not that it was silly but they were

making me feel like it was it wasn't i

was unhealthy because i was trying to go

and get healthy and be better so there

was shame right there

and because that person looked at going

to a therapist as a sign of weakness

when in reality that person probably was

the person that needed it the most but

that's just

that's neither here nor there um so what

you want to do is

you want to try to understand is this

person putting me down

is that like kind of the underlying

message they might blatantly do it or

they might do it in subtle ways are they

comparing me to other people are they

trying to keep up with the

joneses are they do they know that i'm

really sensitive about my weight or this

area of my life and are they making me

feel bad about that so the more someone

tries to pick at you in those areas by

focusing on them and making you feel bad

for not being able to lose the weight

yet or

you know for needing help and trying to

get it for watching self-development

videos and they think it's a bunch of

you know cuckoo stuff or whatever as

long as you're happy

that person should be happy for you but

someone who's toxic and unhealthy

someone who's narcissistic they can't do

that they don't want you to be happy

they don't want you to be healthy they

want you to stay where you are if not

come down a little bit because if you're

down i can control you so i hope you

guys have enjoyed that video if you did

don't forget to give it a big thumbs up

and don't forget to click any of the

links down below if you're interested in

working one-on-one with me and i link

all of my courses ebooks podcasts things

like that social media down below as

well and i will see you next week