What is love?

Summary

This script delves into the multifaceted nature of love, drawing from ancient Greek concepts to explore its various forms: Eros, the passionate love; Philia, the deep friendship; Ludus, the playful infatuation; Storge, the familial affection; Philautia, self-love; Pragma, lifelong commitment; and Agape, unconditional love. It questions whether love is a feeling or a choice, suggesting that while falling in love is a feeling, maintaining it is a conscious decision. The narrative challenges the idea of seeking completion in others, advocating for self-love as the foundation for loving others genuinely.

Takeaways

• 💖 Love is a complex emotion with various forms, not just a single feeling.
• ❤️ Eros represents passionate love, often characterized by physical attraction and desire.
• 🤔 The distinction between love and lust can be blurry, with some suggesting that love is lust that persists over time.
• 🧬 Science identifies three stages of falling in love, beginning with lust and progressing to deeper emotional connections.
• 👫 Philia is love that stems from friendship and is marked by loyalty, sacrifice, and a sense of camaraderie.
• 🎉 Ludus is a playful, light-hearted form of love that involves flirtation and fun without deep commitment.
• 👪 Storge is the unconditional love found in familial relationships, not necessarily dependent on shared bloodlines.
• 🤗 Philautia emphasizes the importance of self-love, suggesting that one must love themselves to truly love others.
• 💍 Pragma is the long-lasting, committed love that involves acceptance, compromise, and a lifetime of partnership.
• 🌐 Agape is the selfless, altruistic love that extends beyond personal relationships to include empathy for all of humanity.
• 🤝 Love is both a feeling and a choice, with the initial attraction being a feeling and the ongoing commitment a conscious decision.

Q & A

What are the seven different words used by the ancient Greeks to explain love?

The ancient Greeks used seven different words to explain love: Eros, Philia, Ludus, Storge, Philautia, Pragma, and Agape.

What is Eros and how does it relate to romantic relationships?

Eros refers to passionate love, often associated with desire for pleasure and physical attraction. It is the type of love that can be seen in love at first sight and is common in the beginning stages of romantic relationships.

How does the script differentiate between lust and Eros?

The script suggests that while both lust and Eros involve intense physical attraction, the differentiation might lie in the duration of the feeling. If it's fleeting, it's considered lust, whereas if it lingers, it's seen as Eros or love.

What are the three stages of falling in love according to the script?

The three stages of falling in love are: 1) Lust, driven by hormones like testosterone and estrogen. 2) A 'high' or euphoria stage where dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine are involved, creating feelings of happiness and excitement. 3) The transition from lust to love, which is not clearly defined in terms of time but involves a deeper emotional connection.

What is Philia and how does it contrast with Eros?

Philia represents a platonic or deep friendship-based love. It contrasts with Eros in that it is not driven by physical attraction or passion but is instead based on intimacy, kindness, and selfless goodwill.

How is Ludus different from other forms of love mentioned in the script?

Ludus is a playful, flirtatious, and light-hearted form of love. It is based on infatuation, flirtation, and fun, and does not necessarily involve serious commitment or deep emotional attachment.

What is Storge and how does it relate to familial love?

Storge is an unconditional, familial love that exists between family members, whether by blood or not. It is characterized by a sense of security and a need to protect loved ones, even if they are not always likable.

According to the script, why is Philautia important in the context of love?

Philautia, or self-love, is crucial because it suggests that one cannot truly love others if they do not love themselves. It involves self-acceptance, self-care, and the ability to be kind to oneself.

What does Pragma represent in the context of love as described in the script?

Pragma represents long-lasting, committed love that is associated with a lifetime commitment, such as in marriage vows. It involves acceptance of differences, compromise, and enduring love despite challenges.

How is Agape defined in the script, and what role does it play in society?

Agape is defined as unconditional love, often extended to humanity, animals, and the environment. It is altruistic and selfless, expecting nothing in return. Agape serves as a foundational element for societies and communities, promoting empathy and support.

What is the script's perspective on whether love is a feeling or a choice?

The script suggests that love is both a feeling and a choice. Falling in love is a feeling, but staying in love and maintaining a loving relationship is a conscious decision that involves commitment and vulnerability.

Outlines

00:00

💑 The Complexity of Love

This paragraph delves into the multifaceted nature of love, challenging the idea of a singular definition. It contrasts common affections like sunshine and travel with the dictionary's broad explanation of love as a mix of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs. The narrative then shifts to explore the ancient Greek perspective, highlighting seven distinct words for love, with a focus on Eros, or passionate love. Eros is described as love at first sight, driven by physical attraction and desire, often confused with lust. The paragraph ponders whether love is simply lust that endures, raising questions about the transition from lust to love and the biological underpinnings of these feelings, including the roles of testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine. It also introduces Philia, love that stems from deep friendship and intimacy, contrasting it with the fleeting nature of Eros and the rarity of true friendship in modern society. Ludus is briefly mentioned as a playful, non-serious form of love.

05:01

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Varieties of Love Beyond Romance

Paragraph 2 continues the exploration of love by introducing Storge, a type of familial love that is unconditional and not dependent on mutual affection or trust. It discusses how love can exist without liking, using the example of siblings. The paragraph also touches on the idea of chosen family and the protective instinct inherent in Storge. Philautia, self-love, is the next theme, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance and self-care as a foundation for loving others. The narrative encourages self-celebration and breaking away from toxic relationships. Pragma, or long-lasting love, is introduced as a love that is committed and compassionate, one that involves compromise and the rebuilding of relationships. The paragraph concludes with a reflection on whether love is a feeling or a choice, suggesting that while falling in love is a feeling, maintaining love is a conscious decision.

10:04

🌏 Love as Altruism and Self-Completion

The final paragraph discusses Agape, a form of love characterized by selfless giving and empathy, often directed towards strangers or causes. It contrasts this with the cultural and biological theories of love, arguing for an innate, universal aspect of love. The paragraph ponders the purpose of love, from a societal to an individual level, and how it contributes to happiness and community. It also contrasts the joys of love with the pain of loneliness, emphasizing the importance of love in human life. The narrative concludes with a myth from Plato's 'The Symposium' about the search for one's other half, suggesting that true love begins with self-love and self-completion, encouraging individuals to seek love not as a means of becoming complete, but as a way to share completeness with others.

Keywords

💡Love

Love, as explored in the video, is a complex emotion that encompasses a wide range of feelings, behaviors, and beliefs associated with affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect. It is central to the video's theme as it delves into various forms of love, from romantic to familial, and even self-love. The script uses love to illustrate the human capacity for deep connections and the different ways it manifests, such as 'Eros' for passionate love and 'Philia' for friendship-based love.

💡Eros

Eros, as defined in the script, represents passionate love. It is characterized by a strong physical attraction and desire for pleasure, often experienced as love at first sight. The video uses Eros to discuss the initial stages of romantic relationships, which can be obsessive and are driven by hormones like testosterone and estrogen. It contrasts Eros with lust, questioning the transition between the two and whether love is simply lust that endures over time.

💡Philia

Philia refers to the love that arises from deep friendship and intimacy. It is authentic, kind, and warm, often associated with selfless goodwill. The video contrasts Philia with Eros, suggesting that love does not always begin with physical attraction but can grow from a foundation of friendship and mutual understanding. Philia is portrayed as a love that values the other person's well-being above all else.

💡Ludus

Ludus is described as playful, flirtatious love that is light-hearted and not necessarily serious or permanent. The video uses Ludus to illustrate a form of love that is about having fun and enjoying the moment without the weight of commitment. It is the love of crushes and fleeting romantic encounters, highlighting the casual and exciting aspects of love.

💡Storge

Storge is the unconditional, familial love that exists between family members, whether by blood or by choice. The video explains Storge as a love that is not dependent on liking the person but is a deep-seated need to protect and care for them. It is the love that persists even when others might not be the most enjoyable company, representing a sense of security and belonging.

💡Philautia

Philautia, as mentioned in the script, is the love of one's self. It is essential for understanding the video's message on self-worth and self-care. The video suggests that one cannot truly love others without first loving oneself, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, and self-celebration. Philautia is portrayed as the foundation for being able to love others in a healthy and fulfilling way.

💡Pragma

Pragma, according to the video, represents long-lasting, committed love. It is the love that is willing to endure through all circumstances, characterized by compassion, compromise, and the willingness to work through difficulties. The video uses Pragma to discuss the evolution of love from an initial feeling to a lifelong commitment, suggesting that lasting love is a choice that involves ongoing effort and dedication.

💡Agape

Agape is described as the highest form of love, one that is unconditional and selfless. It is the love that drives people to give to charity, help strangers, and fight for the greater good without expecting anything in return. The video positions Agape as the foundation of societies and communities, suggesting that it is a love that serves the collective well-being and is essential for human thriving.

💡Lust

Lust is portrayed as a fleeting, intense physical attraction that is often confused with Eros or passionate love. The video discusses the distinction between lust and love, suggesting that while lust is immediate and driven by physical desire, love is deeper and more enduring. It raises the question of whether love is simply lust that persists over time.

💡Happiness

Happiness, as discussed in the video, is closely tied to the experience of love. It is suggested that the happiest people are those who are surrounded by love, from various sources such as family, friends, and community. The video uses happiness to highlight the importance of love in contributing to a fulfilling life, contrasting it with the pain of loneliness and the need for connection.

Highlights

Love is a complex emotion with various forms, not just a single feeling.

Ancient Greeks used seven different words to describe love's different forms.

EROS represents passionate love, often associated with physical attraction and desire.

The distinction between lust and Eros is debated, with duration of the feeling as a possible differentiator.

Philia is love that stems from friendship, characterized by intimacy and selfless goodwill.

Ludus is a playful, flirtatious form of love that doesn't necessarily involve seriousness or permanence.

Storge is unconditional familial love, which can exist without mutual affection or trust.

Philautia, self-love, is crucial for being able to love others genuinely.

Pragma is the long-lasting, committed love that involves acceptance, compromise, and enduring partnership.

Agape is the selfless love for humanity, often shown through charity and empathy.

Love may be both a feeling and a choice, with falling in love being a feeling and staying in love a decision.

The longest study on happiness indicates that love is a key factor in a happy life.

Loneliness is juxtaposed with the importance of love, highlighting the need for connection.

The myth of androgynous humans explains the human desire to find a 'complete' partner.

Self-love and understanding one's completeness are essential before loving others.

Love should not be sought as a means for personal completion but as a genuine connection with others.

Transcripts

I love a lot of things. Some  people love sunshine and rainbows.  

Some love the warmth of summer and the chill of  winter. Others love the smell of hot coffee in the  

morning, and the coziness of their bed at night.  Some love to travel and go on crazy adventures.

According to the dictionary, love is a  mix of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs  

associated with strong feelings of affection,  protectiveness, warmth, and respect for a person,  

or a thing, or even an idea. But can we really  define love? How do we explain a word that you  

can use to describe what you feel for everything  from people to cars to intangible ideas?

To fully understand what love is, we  have to look at the ancient Greeks.  

Instead of one all-encompassing word,  

the ancient Greeks used seven different words  to explain love in its many different forms.

EROS

Eros, which means passionate love, is the most  common type of love we see in our world today.  

It’s fueled by a desire for pleasure. It’s  love at first sight, seeing someone’s physical  

appearance and immediately getting attracted  to them, even without knowing their first name.

Most romantic relationships start like this.  It’s passionate, it can even be a bit obsessive.

But love like this is confusing. It’s the age-old  question of “love vs. lust.” Both lust and eros  

come with intense physical attraction and  a strong desire to be close to the person,  

even if you just met them.

Some people like to differentiate them  by the length of time they stay around.  

If it was a fleeting emotion, it was lust.  But then if it lingered around like the  

best man at a wedding, then it was definitely  love. But is that really true? And if it is,  

then is love simply lust that has stayed around  for long enough? If lust simply becomes love,  

how long does it take for the switch to  happen? At what point does lust become love?

It’s a complex question, and you don’t normally  give it much thought, so I’ll do it for you.

According to science and human biology,  

there are three stages to falling in love,  and it all starts with stage one - lust. It’s  

driven by testosterone for men and estrogen  in women. So when does lust become love?

Well, that’s stage two.

When we start feeling a sense of a “high” when we  see them or speak to them or even just think about  

them. A high similar to the feeling you’d get from  drugs or alcohol. When we start to feel a sense of  

euphoria when we’re around them. When testosterone  and estrogen are replaced by dopamine, making us  

happy and excited, adrenaline triggering our fight  or flight, and norepinephrine keeping us alert.

This is why falling in love  feels like an addictive  

rush. Like you’re driving at 120 miles  per hour with no brakes in your car.  

Your palms are sweaty, your knees are weak,  and your arms are heavy. Your heart is racing.

Love is this feeling.

PHILIA

Sometimes love doesn’t start  with lust, it starts with  

friendship. Knowing someone well enough that you  can predict their reaction to every situation.  

Love is intimacy. It’s authentic, it’s  kind, it’s warm, it’s encouraging.

Love is a best friend you’ve known since you were  

a child. It’s always wanting the best  for the other person, selfless goodwill.

In today’s world, philia is dying. We have  millions of followers and subscribers,  

but very few friends. We have a multitude of  people seeing the perfect view of our lives,  

everything we want them to see, but no one  who’s welcome to see what’s behind the curtains.

Philia is a sense of camaraderie. It’s  calling someone brother or sister,  

even when they are not related to you by blood.  Love is loyalty, sacrifice, and vulnerability.

Love is a choice.

LUDUS

Love is not always serious. Love is not  always permanent. And when it’s fleeting,  

love is not always lust. Ludus describes a love  that is built on infatuation, flirtation, and fun.

Sometimes love is simply having a crush  on someone and acting on it. It’s going  

out for drinks with a friend and acting  like a romantic couple for the night only.  

It’s random kids pushing each other  on the swings in the playground,  

basking in that joy that their friends  are having alongside them. It’s going to  

the club and dancing with strangers, or singing  karaoke in a room full of people you’ve just met.

Sometimes love is casual, exciting, fun.  

It doesn’t need any obligations  or implications to be love.  

Love doesn’t need physical attraction to be love.  Love doesn’t even need friendship to be love.

Love simply is.

STORGE

We often say that love involves commitment, time,  mutual trust, and acceptance between two people.  

But is that really the case? Because  none of this exists between a mother  

and her child, but love does.

The truth is that sometimes we can love  someone even when we don’t like them.  

If you have any siblings, I’m sure  you’ll understand this concept a lot.  

The Greeks called it Storge:  unconditional, familial love.

The kind of kinship love that only  exists between family members,  

and of course, family does not mean you have to be  tied by blood. Lifelong friends who become family,  

adopted children, step-parents, when we consider  someone our family, we often develop a need  

to protect them, even when they might not  be the nicest people to hang around with.

Storge is a strange type of love. Most times when  we love someone, we are drawn closer to them. We  

want to spend all our free time with them, go  on adventures with them, laugh, smile, cry,  

do everything with them. But sometimes love is  wanting to go home, even when you might not talk  

to the people there very much. It’s simply a  sense of security, like a weighted blanket.

This love is being able to give  someone a kidney without hesitation,  

but not your phone’s charger. Even when in  truth, only one of those is easily replaceable.

And this strange feeling is not only towards  people. It’s the same for sports teams and fans.  

Every year you cheer for your team,  every year they break your heart,  

yet the very next year you glue back the millions  

of pieces and wear the badge with pride  chanting “this year will be our year!”

Because love is unconditional. It’s not dependent  on who the person is or what they can give to you.  

Love is a one-way ticket. It’s loving someone  

even when they might not have  the ability to love you back.

PHILAUTIA

Aristotle once said “all friendly feelings  for others are an extension of a man’s  

feelings for himself.” If you don’t love  yourself, you can never truly love others.  

This is why philautia, the love of one’s self,  is something we shouldn’t take for granted.

Love is not just what you can do for  others, it’s also what you can do for  

you. So go out and give yourself a  treat once in a while. You don’t have  

to have achieved anything or crossed any  milestone before you celebrate yourself.  

Just like others don’t necessarily have to do  anything before you love them, you don’t either.

Love is when you stop comparing yourself to  others. When you forgive yourself for your past  

mistakes and stop judging yourself for things  that are beyond your control. Love is when you  

wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and  be proud of the person staring right back at you.

Love is leaving toxic relationships and  not feeling obligated to stay no matter  

who they are or how important they’ve been to  you in the past. It’s choosing yourself over  

and over again and protecting yourself  the way you would protect anyone else.

Love is being kind to yourself.  In your thoughts, in your words,  

and in your actions. Because only when we truly  love ourselves can we be able to love others.

PRAGMA

Love lasts for a lifetime. Love is to have  and to hold, for better or worse, for richer,  

for poorer, in sickness and in health, to  love and to cherish, till death do you part.

Love is committed and compassionate. It is  accepting each other’s differences and learning  

to compromise. Love is taking all the broken  pieces and putting them together again, instead  

of throwing them all out. Love is everlasting,  rooted in romantic feelings and compassion.

So is love a feeling or a choice? If love is  a choice, why do we never know we’re falling  

in love with someone until we are?  Why can’t we ever say to ourselves,  

“I want to fall in love with  this person,” and just do it?

On the other hand, if love is a feeling,  then there is no basis for wedding vows.  

There is no basis for the promise  that we’ll love each other forever.  

Because feelings come and go, and  usually they are beyond our control.  

The only way we can judge that love will  remain forever is when we decide that it will.

Is love a feeling or a choice?

Well, it’s both.

Falling in love is a feeling, but staying in love  is a decision. It’s telling them you love them  

even on the worst days. It’s saying to them,  “I don’t know how we’ll get through this  

except that it’ll be together.” Love is being  vulnerable even when we don’t feel like it.  

Love is holding the roses without being  scared of getting pricked by its thongs.

Love is an amazing feeling in the beginning.  But for love to last a lifetime, it has to  

evolve into a commitment of never letting  this person go for as long as they let you.

AGAPE

Love is giving to charity and helping strangers  in need. Love is empathy towards humanity. It’s  

fighting for change even when you might  not be directly affected by the issues.

Love is altruistic, selflessly caring for  humans, animals, and even Mother Earth itself.

Love doesn’t expect anything in return for  its actions. Love itself is the reward. Love  

serves as the foundation for societies and  communities, without which we cannot thrive.

Scientists have always battled  with the concept of love.  

Some believe that love is a basic human  emotion like anger or sadness or joy. However,  

some others believe that love is simply a cultural  phenomenon, something we are drawn towards as a  

result of societal expectations and pressures.  But nothing could be farther from the truth.

If love is simply a cultural phenomenon, it  wouldn’t exist in all cultures of the world.  

And the fact that it does suggests that in  truth, there is something innate about love,  

something biological about its experience.

If love is fundamental to the  human experience, then we must ask,  

what is the point of love? Why do we love? Is  it for parents to be able to bear with their  

kids long enough for them to attain maturity? Or  perhaps it's for mates to remain together for as  

long as is necessary to raise the next generation  of humans? Does love exist to create a sense of  

community and camaraderie that is necessary  for a herd community like ours to exist?

We might never know why love exists  or what ultimate purpose it serves,  

but what we do know is how important it is.

The longest study on happiness showed that  people who end their life happy are not the  

ones who are the richest, or the ones who are  the most healthy, or the ones who never made  

a mistake in their lives. The happiest people  are those who are surrounded by the most love.  

Love from spouses, love from  children and grandchildren,  

love from friends, love from religious  organizations and communities.

To fully understand just how important love is,  we need to juxtapose its experience with the pain  

of loneliness. Not having that someone to share  your inner monologue with because your thoughts  

are too petty or intense, random or full of  anxiety, or too scary to share with just anyone.

You can’t rant, you can’t scream, you can’t  fully express your feelings of obsession  

over your favorite passions, or rage over your  most heartbreaking moments. Constantly having  

to filter our thoughts through the lenses of  politeness and political correctness. Being looked  

at but not being seen, being heard but not being  listened to. It’s dreadful, we’ve all been there.

If love is so important, why do we  not make it the center of our lives?  

Why do we chase everything else, but to love we  say, “stop searching and it'll find you?” You see,  

the truth is love doesn’t always find you,  and sometimes you have to search it out.

So to those chasing love, listen.

In Plato’s dialogue, The Symposium, Aristophanes  the playwright explains love the way many of us  

chasing love think of it. In the beginning,  humans were all androgynous with double  

the parts we have now, including two  faces turned in opposite directions.

This physical form made humans so powerful  that they became a threat to the gods.  

So Zeus cut them in two, one male and one  female. And since, every human has longed to  

be rejoined with their other half like two  pieces of a puzzle, two halves of a whole.

Although this is just a myth, it  opens up the curtain to why we love  

the way we do. We often fall in love with  people who we think would complete us.  

People who so perfectly fit together  the pieces of our heart’s puzzle.

People who complement our shortcomings and give  us hope for the things we are most insecure about.  

We love in part with the hope of completion.  We all have a deep-rooted need to blossom  

and we can only hope this person  is the rain at the end of summer.

But the truth is, we’re already complete. In us  are the two parts of a whole. So when people say  

“stop searching for love,” don’t take  that as a message to stop trying.  

Take that as a lesson to stop looking  for completion in another person.

At the end of the day, only when you truly  love yourself, and completely understand  

the weight that that carries, can you  love others the way they deserve to be.

It all starts, and it all ends, with you.