10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Child

Summary

In this insightful video, a psychologist discusses 10 common phrases parents often use with their children that may not be as helpful as intended. The script challenges phrases like 'Great job!' and 'Practice makes perfect,' suggesting more specific and positive alternatives to foster self-reflection and effort appreciation in children. It also advises against creating anxiety with 'Be careful' and instead recommends proactive safety measures. The video encourages parents to make subtle linguistic adjustments to promote a more positive and empowering communication with their kids.

Takeaways

• 😀 Avoid labeling children with phrases like 'the cute one' or 'the smart one' as it can limit their self-perception.
• 😅 Instead of saying 'Great job!' generically, be specific and ask children how they feel about their achievements to encourage self-reflection.
• 🎹 Challenge the notion that 'practice makes perfect' by emphasizing the process of improvement over the pursuit of unattainable perfection.
• 🤔 Rethink the use of 'You're okay' as a response to children's distress, as it may inadvertently communicate doubt or anxiety.
• ⏰ Consider the impact of urging children to 'hurry up' and instead, join them in their activities to reduce pressure and foster a sense of partnership.
• 🍽️ Be mindful of discussing diets and body image in front of children to prevent negative self-perceptions and promote a healthy relationship with food.
• 💰 Teach children about financial responsibility by framing conversations about affordability in terms of saving for priorities rather than simply saying 'we can't afford it'.
• 🚸 Revise the advice 'don't talk to strangers' to instead instruct children on how to discern safe and helpful individuals in unfamiliar situations.
• 🤝 Replace 'Be careful' with a more proactive approach, such as spotting children during activities, to ensure safety without inducing unnecessary anxiety.
• 🍰 Reframing 'No dessert unless you finish your dinner' to a positive statement can encourage better eating habits without the pressure of a conditional reward.
• 🤲 Allow children to struggle with tasks to develop their skills, rather than immediately offering help, to foster independence and problem-solving abilities.

Q & A

Why should parents avoid labeling their children with phrases like 'she's the cute one' or 'he's the smart one'?

Labeling children can limit their potential and create a fixed mindset. It's important to avoid such labels to help children develop a broader sense of their capabilities and to encourage them to explore their own identities beyond the confines of parental expectations.

What is the concern with telling children 'Great job!' without being specific?

The concern is that it may create a dependency on external approval for their actions. Instead, parents should be more specific to help children understand and explore their feelings about their achievements.

Why is the phrase 'Practice makes perfect' potentially unhelpful for children?

The phrase can create an unrealistic expectation of achieving perfection, which is not always attainable. It's better to emphasize the process of improvement and the value of effort over the pursuit of an unattainable standard.

How can parents respond to their child's minor injuries in a more empathetic way instead of just saying 'You're okay'?

Instead of dismissing their feelings with 'You're okay', parents can validate the child's experience by acknowledging their pain and offering comfort, such as saying, 'You skinned your knee, that hurts, doesn't it?'

Why might saying 'Hurry up' to children create unnecessary pressure?

Telling children to 'hurry up' can induce stress and a sense of urgency that may not be necessary. It's more beneficial to join them in the process and guide them through it in a calm and positive manner.

How can parents discuss dieting and body image with their children in a positive way?

Parents should avoid negative self-talk about their own bodies and instead focus on promoting healthy eating habits for overall well-being and energy. Phrases like 'Let's eat healthy so that we'll have energy and we'll feel good' can be more positive and constructive.

What is a better way to teach children about finances instead of saying 'We can't afford that'?

Instead of focusing on what they can't have, parents can teach financial responsibility by discussing saving for specific goals and encouraging children to think creatively about how they might afford something they want.

Why is the advice 'Don't talk to strangers' potentially harmful, and what is a better approach?

The advice can leave children feeling helpless if they need help from a stranger. A better approach is to teach them to be discerning about who to approach for help, such as looking for adults in uniform or other reliable individuals.

How can the phrase 'Be careful' be interpreted by children, and what is a suggested alternative?

The phrase 'Be careful' can cause anxiety and distract children from their activities. An alternative is for parents to be present and ready to assist if needed, then discuss safety and judgment after the activity.

What is the reasoning behind reframing 'No dessert unless you finish your dinner' into a positive statement?

Reframing the statement to a positive one, such as 'You can have dessert after your dinner's finished,' can encourage cooperation and a positive association with mealtime rather than making dessert a reward or punishment.

Why should parents be cautious about immediately offering help when their children are struggling with a task?

Offering immediate help can hinder a child's development of problem-solving skills and independence. Parents should allow children to struggle a bit and learn from their efforts before stepping in to assist.