Schema Conceptualisation - Schema Therapy - Schema modes map
Summary
TLDRClinical psychologist Jess O'Garr introduces Schema Therapy, explaining schemas as mental blueprints organizing information. She discusses maladaptive schemas formed from childhood unmet needs and the 'modes' within us, including the Vulnerable Child and Angry Child modes. O'Garr elaborates on coping strategies like Fight, Flight, and Freeze, and their corresponding modes, emphasizing the importance of developing a Healthy Adult mode to manage these responses. She also touches on the concept of re-parenting to reintroduce positive experiences and foster healthier modes.
Takeaways
- 📚 Schema Therapy is based on the concept of schemas, which are like blueprints for how we organize information and understand the world around us.
- 👶 The 'Vulnerable Child' mode is central to Schema Therapy and represents the part of us that feels fear, shame, and worry, and is always present regardless of age.
- 😠 The 'Angry Child' mode is linked to the Vulnerable Child and represents the reaction of a child who is not getting their needs met and tries to draw attention to their distress.
- 🛡️ Coping strategies such as Fight, Flight, and Freeze are innate responses to threats, both physical and psychological, and have corresponding modes in Schema Therapy.
- 🏋️♂️ The 'Perfectionistic Overcompensator' is a fight strategy that tries to protect from vulnerability by striving for perfection and can lead to burnout.
- 🗣️ 'Bully-Attack' is another fight strategy where individuals deflect criticism by aggressively focusing on others' faults.
- 💡 'Self-Aggrandising' is a narcissistic defense that hides vulnerability by constantly promoting oneself as superior and without fault.
- 🕵️♂️ 'Suspicious Overcontroller' is characterized by a controlling behavior stemming from a fear of negative outcomes and a lack of trust in others.
- 🚶♂️ 'Detached Protector' is a flight strategy that involves psychological avoidance by emotionally disconnecting from situations to protect oneself from vulnerability.
- 🚫 'Avoidant Protector' is a more physical form of flight, where individuals avoid situations entirely to prevent potential distress.
- 🎭 'Compliant Surrender' represents a freeze strategy where an individual gives up and accepts their perceived failure or negative outcome without resistance.
Q & A
What is Schema Therapy and how does it differ from other therapeutic models?
-Schema Therapy is an integrative approach that focuses on early life experiences and unmet needs leading to the development of maladaptive schemas. It differs by addressing these schemas through the concept of 'modes', which are like different characters within an individual that respond to situations based on past experiences.
What are schemas and how do they form?
-Schemas are deep-seated patterns of behavior and thought that form from early life experiences. They act as blueprints for organizing information and understanding the world. Maladaptive schemas develop when childhood needs are unmet.
Can you explain the concept of 'modes' in Schema Therapy?
-In Schema Therapy, 'modes' are various states or 'characters' within an individual that respond to life situations. They include the Vulnerable Child, Angry Child, and coping strategies like Fight, Flight, and Freeze, which are adaptations to early unmet needs.
What is the significance of the 'Vulnerable Child' mode?
-The 'Vulnerable Child' mode is central to Schema Therapy. It represents the part of an individual that feels fear, shame, and worry, and is the source of distress when triggered. It is the inner child that never leaves us, regardless of age.
How does the 'Angry Child' mode relate to the 'Vulnerable Child' mode?
-The 'Angry Child' mode is an extension of the 'Vulnerable Child' mode. It is the response to unmet needs where the child, feeling powerless, expresses anger to draw attention to their distress in an attempt to get their needs met.
What are the three primary coping strategies in Schema Therapy and why are they important?
-The three primary coping strategies are Fight, Flight, and Freeze. They are important because they represent the innate responses to threats, both physical and psychological, and form the basis for more complex coping 'modes' that develop over time.
Can you provide an example of a coping strategy from the 'Fight' category?
-An example of a 'Fight' coping strategy is the 'Perfectionistic Overcompensator' mode. This mode involves striving for perfection in tasks to avoid feelings of vulnerability and to deflect any potential criticism or threat.
What is the 'Demanding Parent' mode and how does it differ from the 'Punitive Parent' mode?
-The 'Demanding Parent' mode is a type of dysfunctional parent mode that pushes for constant improvement and perfection, often resulting in stress and unrealistic expectations. It differs from the 'Punitive Parent' mode, which is more focused on criticism and putting down the individual.
How does Schema Therapy address the issue of maladaptive coping modes in adults?
-Schema Therapy addresses maladaptive coping modes by reintroducing positive experiences and teaching new, healthier ways to respond to threats. It encourages the development of the 'Healthy Adult' mode, which can manage the other modes more effectively.
What is the role of the 'Healthy Adult' mode in Schema Therapy?
-The 'Healthy Adult' mode is the part of an individual that is capable of making mature, balanced decisions. It is not innate but develops over time with good education and role models. In therapy, it is the mode that learns to manage the other modes and make healthier choices.
How can the 'Happy Child' mode contribute to a person's overall well-being?
-The 'Happy Child' mode represents the part of an individual that experiences fun, play, and joy. It is a healthy mode that provides a balance to the 'Vulnerable Child' mode and contributes to a person's happiness and overall well-being.
Outlines
📚 Introduction to Schema Therapy
Jess O'Garr, a clinical psychologist, introduces the concept of schema therapy, a model based on the work of Joan Farrell and Ida Shaw. The video aims to explain the different modes of schema therapy and how they interrelate. Schemas are described as blueprints for organizing information and understanding the world, with maladaptive schemas developing from unmet childhood needs. The focus is on schema modes, with the 'Vulnerable Child' mode at the center of schema therapy, representing our inherent vulnerability that persists into adulthood.
🧒 The Child Modes and Coping Strategies
The script discusses the 'Angry Child' mode, which is a response to unmet needs and a way to draw attention to the vulnerable child within us. It also outlines the human response strategies of Fight, Flight, and Freeze, which are innate and serve as coping mechanisms to protect us from threats. These strategies are further detailed into specific modes such as the 'Perfectionistic Overcompensator' and 'Bully-Attack,' which are fight responses, and their implications on behavior and psychological well-being.
🤬 Dysfunctional Coping Modes and Parent Modes
This paragraph delves into various dysfunctional coping modes such as 'Self-Aggrandising,' 'Suspicious Overcontroller,' and 'Angry Protector,' each representing different strategies to deal with vulnerability and perceived threats. Additionally, it introduces 'Punitive Parent' and 'Demanding Parent' modes, which are internalized critical voices stemming from negative experiences or influences during childhood, impacting self-perception and emotional regulation.
🚶♂️ Flight and Freeze Strategies in Schema Therapy
The script explains the 'Flight' strategies, including 'Detached Protector,' 'Avoidant Protector,' and 'Angry Protector,' which are mechanisms to avoid confronting vulnerability. It also touches on 'Freeze' strategies, represented by 'Complaint Surrender,' where individuals give in to their circumstances due to exhaustion of other coping strategies. These modes are examined in the context of their impact on an individual's ability to manage emotional distress.
🌟 The Development of Healthy Modes
The paragraph highlights the importance of developing 'Healthy Adult' and 'Happy Child' modes in schema therapy. The 'Healthy Adult' mode is crucial for making mature decisions and managing the various schema modes, while the 'Happy Child' mode allows for play and fun, balancing the vulnerability experienced in the 'Vulnerable Child' mode. The development of these modes is essential for emotional well-being and is often cultivated through positive experiences and role modeling.
🛠️ Schema Therapy Strategies for Mode Management
The final paragraph outlines therapeutic strategies for managing the various schema modes. It emphasizes the importance of soothing the 'Vulnerable Child,' validating the 'Angry Child,' and being selective with coping modes. For the 'Punitive Parent' mode, the strategy is to banish its negative influence, while for the 'Demanding Parent' mode, negotiation is key. The goal is to develop and flourish the 'Healthy Adult' mode and encourage the expression of the 'Happy Child' mode through play and enjoyment.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Schema Therapy
💡Schemas
💡Vulnerable Child Mode
💡Angry Child Mode
💡Coping Strategies
💡Perfectionistic Overcompensator
💡Bully-Attack Mode
💡Self-Aggrandising Mode
💡Detached Protector Mode
💡Compliant Surrender Mode
💡Healthy Adult Mode
💡Happy Child Mode
💡Re-parenting
Highlights
Schema therapy is based on the concept of schemas as blueprints for organizing information and early childhood experiences leading to maladaptive schemas.
There are 18 maladaptive schemas identified by Jeffrey Young, which are like categories for negative core beliefs.
Schema Modes Therapy views the mind as having different 'characters' or modes, similar to the movie 'Inside Out'.
The 'Vulnerable Child' mode is central to schema therapy, representing our innate vulnerability and emotional reactions.
The 'Angry Child' mode is a response to unmet needs, attempting to draw attention to the vulnerability.
Coping strategies in schema therapy are Fight, Flight, and Freeze, which are innate responses to threats.
The 'Perfectionistic Overcompensator' is a fight strategy that tries to protect from vulnerability by striving for perfection.
The 'Bully-Attack' mode is an aggressive response to feeling vulnerable, often deflecting criticism onto others.
The 'Self-Aggrandising' mode is a narcissistic defense mechanism that hides vulnerability behind a facade of grandeur.
The 'Suspicious Overcontroller' mode is characterized by a need to control outcomes to avoid perceived threats.
The 'Detached Protector' mode involves psychological flight, disconnecting emotionally to avoid vulnerability.
The 'Avoidant Protector' is a physical flight response, avoiding situations to prevent potential emotional harm.
The 'Anger Protector' mode uses anger as a means to push people away and maintain emotional distance.
The 'Detached Self-Soother' mode engages in maladaptive behaviors to numb feelings of vulnerability.
The 'Compliant Surrender' mode represents a freeze response, where an individual gives up due to overwhelming vulnerability.
Schema therapy aims to reintroduce positive experiences to counteract maladaptive schema modes and promote healthy functioning.
The 'Healthy Adult' mode is a learned response that allows for more sophisticated management of life's challenges.
The 'Happy Child' mode is essential for maintaining a sense of fun and play, balancing the vulnerability of the 'Vulnerable Child'.
Schema therapy involves strategies like soothing, validating, choosing, banishing, negotiating, developing, flourishing, and playing to manage and transform schema modes.
Transcripts
Hi, my name is Jess O'Garr, I'm a clinical psychologist I'm coming to you today from
Oscar Online.org (now thePSYCHcollective.com) and today I'm going to talk to you about schema
therapy. So the model that I'm going to present today is based on Schema Mode Therapy and the
modes that we're going to be referencing today I'm taking leave from the work done originally
by Joan Farrell and Ida Shaw from the US who I was lucky enough to do my training with many
years ago. So today I'm going to talk about the different modes of schema therapy and give a bit
of an overview as to a conceptualization as to how they all fit together okay. So first of all
let's talk about schemas. So when we talk about schemas what really referring to it is like a
blueprint. You've heard of schematic drawing which is referring to kind of a blueprint drawing you'd
have of a house for example. When we talk about schemas in this sense we're looking at a schema
in terms of how you organize information. So it's the way that you would collect information
organize it and kind of sort it into almost like a mind map within your brain. Everyone has schemas,
that's how we develop our understanding of the world around us. Now schema therapy posits that
with early experiences in childhood if there have been some unmet needs there would be the
development of some maladaptive schemas.
I'm going to be not so much focusing on the schemas themselves today. Examples of those, just to give a bit of context would be something like an
abandonment schema and it kind of ties into core beliefs like schemas are almost like the category
then the core belief itself would be the thought within that. So if you have a schema of abandonment,
then the core belief would be something like everyone always leaves me okay. So that's schemas
and there's 18 different maladaptive schemas that were identified by a guy called Jeffrey
Young, in the 1980s I think but we're going to focus more on the schema modes today okay.
So, when we talk about schema modes therapy it's almost like there's different characters within
the brain. You've seen the movie Inside Out? That's kind of similar to that. The characters
within the brain (we're not talking about auditory hallucinations or different voices or different
personalities or anything like that) it's just recognizing that everyone's got different
parts of themselves and trying to conceptualize that. So, for the start of schema therapy,
everything revolves around a mode that we call the Vulnerable Child. When we talk about a mode it's
kind of like a mood plus it's got a behavioural component attached to it. So the centre of
everything for schema is this thing we had called the vulnerable child. Now they reference it as
a Vulnerable Child because it talks about this idea that everyone was a child in the beginning,
obviously, but this sense of vulnerability, that part of us where we feel fear and scared
and ashamed and worried, that part of us never actually leaves us. It's always there no matter
how old we get it's kind of that inner child kind of metaphor but it's the one that feels all the
vulnerability and that's where schema therapy really centres around okay. So we started off
with this schema mode called the vulnerable child it's at the centre of everything and it's kind of
almost like the source of where the distress would come from when this mode gets triggered.
Attached to that, you have a mode called...
Angry Child now don't worry this isn't too clear because I'm going to attach a word document that's got all of these models laid
out for you as something that's a little bit easier for you print off and down okay. Now
the Angry Child links in with the Vulnerable Child. The way I like to think about it is:
imagine you've got a four year old girl sitting in a chair (or a boy, up to you) and the girl is
in a room full of adults who are responsible for looking after her and caring for her and
she's sitting in that chair and she's crying . No one's paying any attention to her.
You're got to remember this is around unmet needs so if the child's getting their needs met and
they're unlikely to be developing the maladaptive schema modes. So we've got a child who's upset,
no one's paying attention to her, she's not getting her needs met okay. There's your
Vulnerable Child. Now imagine she's got a brother who's about six, old enough to recognize that
my sister's upset, my sister's sad, something needs to happen here, but also young enough
that they are not able to do anything about it themselves. So a six-year-old you know worried
about his younger sister in a room full of adults who's supposed to be looking after them but not
actually paying any attention to them is going to do what a normal six-year-old do and throw
a tantrum. There might be yelling, there might be screaming, they might be stomping the feet,
and the idea behind it is it's a way of trying to draw in attention to say "hey something's not
right here, this situation is not okay, I'm not okay, the vulnerable child's not okay,
someone come and give us some attention in a way of getting our needs met." The problem with that,
is that if you've got adults or people who are in a responsible role of caring for your needs,
who see you having a tantrum if they're already ignoring you when you're upset,
chances are they're going to either ignore you or punish you if you're showing the anger okay.
So there is this real strong kind of desire to get the needs met and bring attention and draw
people in, problem is it doesn't work so well. So these are kind of the two base child modes.
Attached around that is an element of coping strategies. Now as humans we
are born with three primary responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze. I'm going to draw those now.
So these three main responses, as I said, they're hardwired into everyone. Everyone
is born with these in some sort of capacity and they develop over time in terms of their
level of sophistication in the way in which we choose to implement them. Most
of us will have a default setting or kind of our 'go to' with these sort of things,
but everyone has the capacity to move between all three of these okay. Now these coping strategies
come in the way of trying to keep us safe from threat. Now originally they're developed as part
of helping us from an evolutionary point of view avoid actually physical threat, sabre-toothed
tigers and whatnot. From a schema point of view we're looking at prevention or safety
around physical threat but also a kind of verbal, emotional or psychological threat or abuse. So
these coping layers come in almost as a way of providing a shield around the Vulnerable Child.
You know that everything centres around this, so this is what we're trying to actually protect.
We're trying to protect our vulnerability, we're trying to keep ourselves safe and these are the
three options that we have available to us as children. But again, we don't lose that,
we don't grow out of our Fight/Flight strategies. It's something that we still have accessible
to us as adults and really we need them accessible to us as adults because we need to still keep
ourselves safe no matter how old we are. But we can break these Fight, Flight, Freeze categories
down further into modes that would actually look at how we respond when we're feeling vulnerable.
The first one I am going to talk about is a fight strategy.
It's a Perfectionistic Overcompensator. Now usually when we hear fight, the assumption is
that there's going to be some sort of aggression to it or like actually getting in a fistfight with
someone. That's not necessarily the case when were looking at schema therapy. This can be
more around a psychological fight strategy and it comes with an overcompensatory mode. So let
me give you an example, if we've got someone who's feeling vulnerable. So say I'm feeling
vulnerable about my performance on the task at work. My Perfectionistic Overcompensator would
kind of kick in to say "I'm going to protect you from feeling vulnerable by making sure you
do everything perfectly alright because if you were perfect and if you can show other people
that you have absolutely no flaws whatsoever then they've got nothing to threaten you about,
there's no danger there because everything's perfect, everything's neat and tidy and there's
no issues". So the Perfectionistic Overcompensator is going to mean that I show up at 7 o'clock in
the morning, I'm here until 10 o'clock at night, I triple check every single piece of work that I do,
I'm constantly checking to make sure that I'm getting the approval from other people,
that they're happy with the work that I'm doing and generally on the surface can
probably look like I'm functioning pretty well. The fallout from the Perfectionistic
Overcompensator is you can't keep it up forever. This is where we get to burnout.
So there's pros because it looks functional, and you know what, it's gonna get rewarded
because other people particularly in like an employment circumstance or something like that,
they're going to love it. They're getting the best work out of you! So the Perfectionistic
Overcompensator on the surface it looks good, but the problem is it's not sustainable.
So moving on for a different Fight strategy...
You have something like Bully-Attack. This is probably more your classic sort of Fight
strategy. This is where we'd see someone who when they're feeling vulnerable so maybe if they're
feeling a bit cornered, if someone's coming at them with a bit of criticism or some negative
feedback, this is the person who's going to come out swinging. It may not necessarily be physical,
it may be more verbal, but it would look like someone who like if like if a staff
member walks up to me and said look I'm not happy with how you did X report, then the Bully-Attack
response would be "Well when you did the last report you made all these spelling mistakes and
it was a mess and rah-rah-rah" and the idea of shifting the attention off what I've done wrong,
pushing it on to the other person so then the focus is all on them and what they've done wrong
which then deflects the attention off of my vulnerability, off of my failings or of where I've
done this wrong. Often what we'll see with this is someone who uses a lot of Bully-Attack mode
has a lot of difficulty taking responsibility for things that they've actually done wrong
or acknowledging when they stuffed up and usually has quite an aggressive sort of mannerism about them.
Similar to that one...
We have the Self-Aggrandising mode. This is going to be probably similar to what
we consider a narcissistic defence. The idea of the person is I"'m going to prevent anyone
from seeing my vulnerability by showing how completely awesome I am and talking
my self up whenever I can". So it's the person who thinks that they are wonderful,
they see themselves walking on water they can never make any particular mistake. It's different
to this because these ones know that they can make mistakes and they're trying so hard to
overcompensate for it. The Self-Aggrandising is more of a kind of big ego and "look how good I am",
and it's a lot more showy but usually what we find under that is a very very very scared person
a very very strong vulnerable child that they're trying incredibly hard to try and hide.
The last one I'm going to talk about...
Is the Suspicious Overcontroller. So this one we'd see where there is a fear that
something bad is going to happen and there is a desire to go into a response of controlling
everything. They've got not only a plan B but they've got a plan C D E and F. They're
watching everything. You might get a bit of micromanagement happening here in the sense
of "I don't trust anyone to do it right so I'll do it myself". They're suspicious of
other people's intentions. There can be kind of some elements of paranoia coming into here and
fear that something bad is going to go wrong unless I control every single outcome.
There are a few more fight strategies if you actually look at some of the literature on schema therapy,
some of them going to like Predator Mode and Conning Mode but we see those really more
with a forensic setting. Not something that we usually work with kind of in a normal community
sample within mental health so I'm going to leave those and move on to Flight strategies.
So Flight, in its simplest form, is avoidance. And we see exactly
the same thing when we look at the modes, slight variations on the categories here.
Detached Protector is the first one. This is a form of psychological flight. On the
surface it can look like the person can actually be in the room, in the building,
be participa- well be attentive in what is going on, but there's a form of psychological shutdown
happening with the Detached Protector. It's the element that kind of it's almost like the
lights are on but nobody's home. There can be an element of dissociation to this at times,
and it would be going into a situation that you know you have to go into but being able
to switch off emotionally to what's happening. So it's when people can kind of activate that
sense of feeling numb. The rationale behind this is that "if I don't feel anything then
I don't have to connect with my Vulnerable Child" because in the flight strategies is
"I would do anything to avoid contact with this because this is scary and overwhelming and it
gets too intense and I don't want to deal with it so I'm just going to avoid it" and Detached
Protector is a way of having that avoidance when you're still forced to be in the room.
The flip side of that...
Is the avoidant protector. This is more of a physiological flight or more of a physical
flight. It's "just don't go out the room". If you're expecting something bad to happen
or if you catastrophizing something bad is gonna happen don't go. Don't go to the party,
don't go to the staff meeting, don't even go down to the grocery store because it could be terrible,
it could be an attack, catastrophic. It's easier to just simply avoid.
Mixed in with this we also have...
the Anger Protector and the Angry Child, because on the surface they look the same,
they're both angry. But the function of the behaviour is what actually differentiates it
here. With an Angry Protector it's part of the flight strategies, so it's around pushing people
away. You think about, if you're walking down the street and you see someone who's
acting really aggressive and they're yelling or they're screaming or whatever, you're more
likely to cross the road and get away from that person as opposed to go up and engage with them,
and that's what an Angry Protector is trying to do. These are the ones who will push everyone
away because "If no one can get close to me then no one's gonna hurt me. I can be scary and I can
be intimidating." It's the ones that have got "go away" tattooed on their foreheads so to speak,
and keeping everyone away at arm's length. That usually comes back to a massive fear that
"if anyone gets close then they might get to know me, they might abandon me, and that might hurt me."
And the final Flight strategy we're going to talk about...
Is the Detached Self-Soother. This is a similar form of flight because it's around
"I don't want to feel my vulnerability. I don't want to feel the feelings that
are intense or scary or overwhelming, so I'm going to do something to take those feelings
away." So Detached Self-Soother is where we see behaviour where people who are engaging
self soothing behaviours that are going to be maladaptive. So it could be alcohol,
substances, food, shopping, sex, risky driving, self-harm, as a way of transforming this feeling
that I have of vulnerability into something more manageable a physical manifestation of
distress that I can see and I can show others and I can tend to or something that brings
different a emotion such as happiness or joy or exhilaration (that's usually short-lived)
but feels something that's more of kind of the positive spectrum in terms of emotions.
So all of these are around flight and for Freeze we pretty much just have one...
Complaint Surrender. This is where the strategy is pretty much just give into it. Just go with
whatever is happening. You don't like it, you don't want to happen but you've just got no Fight
left, you've got no Flight left, you're kind of at the bottom level in terms of your strategies
and it's that sense of "I give up." If we're talking about it from a schema point of view,
so if someone's got a schema of say failure where the core belief is "I fail at everything", this
one's gonna be "no no no I can't fail, I won't fail perfectly, I'll do everything perfectly so I
don't fail". This one's going to be "I'm not even going to try because then I can't fail". This
is more of a "yep, I just fail at stuff, that's just me, that always happens." So the Compliant
Surrender really is kind of just that final line of defence of just giving up and giving in.
Now, we talk about these three layers as being a layer of protection for the
Vulnerable Child. It's almost like they form a concrete bunker. But the rationale
for having a bunker is if you perceive that there's threat in your environment.
So that's where we get to the dysfunctional parent modes...
So the Punitive Parent Mode is the primary one that we see in terms of the source of threat. Now,
from a schema therapy point of view they call it a Punitive Parent Mode because the rationale behind
these is children aren't born hating themselves. If you've ever been around a two-year-old,
they think they're awesome. They see themselves as the centre of the universe. So then how do you go
from a two-year-old who thinks they're awesome to a twelve-year-old who hates themselves to a twenty
two-year-old that's got depression? It's usually a result of their external environment. Obviously
biology has got a part to play with this, but in terms of what they think about themselves,
how they talk to themselves, that's usually going to come from what's happening in their
environment. So it starts off as being from external sources and over time that voice
gets internalised and it starts to become what we will more colloquially call our 'inner critic'.
Now, parent mode- again this is not saying that's mum and dad's fault. It's more just recognising
that as children we are very strongly influenced by the adults in our lives. The Punitive Parent
is an amalgamation of all of the negative things that we heard growing up. It could be mum and dad,
it could be grandparents, it could be aunties and uncles, it could be coaches, it could be teachers,
it could be Scout leaders, it could be religious educators, anyone who was in a position of
authority or power or responsibility for a child who either said negative harmful or hurtful things
or there was an absence of positive things. Now, this could be that the parent with the
best of intentions trying to calm a child down but if it's done in a way that is perceived as
invalidating or dismissive, if it's the kind of "stop crying, you're fine, there's nothing wrong"
in an attempt to calm the child down can actually come across as "my feelings are wrong, I'm not
supposed to be feeling this", which then turns you into an internal message of "I can't show anyone
when I'm upset". So the Punitive Parent is that negative, critical voice of "I'm not good enough,
no one loves me, no one wants me." It's just the sense that everything is kind of failure, and it
feeds back in to those negative core beliefs and the schemas we were talking about earlier.
There's a second Parent Mode...
This one is called the Demanding Parent. Slightly different because
this is more of the one that gives you the push. So the Punitive Parent is the
one who just criticises and puts down; the Demanding Parent is more like the
one who's cracking the whip. so this is kind of a bossy critic.
And it's the one that says "you need to try harder, you need to do more,
you need to push more, you need to get up at four o'clock in the morning to be able to get to work,
to do it all perfectly, to make sure that no one's ever going to question you or threaten
you. Now these Parent Modes are targeting the Vulnerable Child. So you've kind of got these
snipes coming through and these attacks coming through here. Sometimes, your coping mechanisms
work and they deflect the criticism from coming through and actually hitting the Vulnerable Child,
but nothing about our coping strategies are ever perfect. So sometimes the the hits do come through
and that's when we get that kind of gut-wrenching, soul-crushing feeling of vulnerability that comes
from our own internal processes. So this is a representation of the maladaptive schemas at work,
in terms of the dysfunctional parent modes and maladaptive coping modes. I want you
to keep in mind, this stuff was developed for children as because we have a limited
resources available to us as kids. We've got to rely on the absolute basics of Flight. Flight,
Freeze. Problems occur when we continue to apply the strategies that work for us in childhood,
into our environment as adults. Environment has changed, we've gotten older. Ideally, we want
to learn some more sophisticated strategies of managing it, and that's why you start to see
people presenting for treatment because their coping modes that used to work, don't work
anymore. Now not all hope is lost, we do actually have some positive modes here to talk about.
The first one being Healthy Adult...
This is the part of us that actually allows us to do our adulting. This is the part of us
that is ideally working as almost like a stage director, to be able to control all of these
characters on stage and to be making some healthy grown-up decisions. What this means is, that when
we're faced with any sort of situation, instead of having our three options of response, you've
actually got four. You've got Fight, Flight, Freeze and Healthy Adult. The problem is, Healthy
Adult needs to be learnt. We're not actually born with this response the way we are with these ones,
this one needs to evolve over time based on having a good education and a good role model from
people around us to teach us how to do this. In situations where people haven't had those positive
experiences in early childhood, the Healthy Adult Mode is probably going to be underdeveloped.
The second healthy mode that is in with that...
Is our Happy Child Mode. Again, this is a positive mode. It is one of the child modes,
but it's actually one of the healthy modes so we keep it up here. And the Happy Child Mode is
where we get that sense of fun, where we get the sense of play. People who've grown up in
environments where their needs weren't being met usually aren't afforded many opportunities
for fun and play and novelty and autonomy and independence. So if it's lacking in childhood,
it's really hard for us to continue that in adulthood. The second part of that is for
people who have actually had it in adulthood, society kind of tells us to stop fooling around
and grow up and act your age and be more serious, so we can lose that sense of fun
at times. What we recognise though, is that having that Happy Child is a really good kind
of balance to the Vulnerable Child. You don't want to get rid of this, you need this. This is
where our humanity sits, but this is more where our happiness sits, so that's really important.
Now in terms of schema therapy how we actually make some changes here. Schema, as I said,
schema works on the principle that there were negative experiences in childhood that led to
the development of maladaptive schema modes, therefore we need to reintroduce some positive
experiences to lead to the increase of functioning of the healthy modes.
So we talk about...
The idea of a Good Parent and schema therapy actually uses this concept of re-parenting.
So teaching you new ways or different ways to actually respond to perceived or actual
threat. Now, in terms of schema therapy, the good parent is actually represented by
the therapist. It's the good parent as the therapist instructing the patient how to
increase their Healthy Adult to manage the rest of these modes. So we've got some pretty kind of
clear sort of strategies in terms of what needs to happen here from a management point of view.
So from a therapeutic point of view, Vulnerable Child is the centre of
everything. That doesn't change. We need to actually learn how to look after that
Vulnerable Child to get used to allowing ourselves to experience that Vulnerable
Child in order to learn how to master it. So the strategy for the Vulnerable
Child is not shut it down, it's not get rid of it, it's actually to SOOTHE it.
For the angry child, if you've ever worked with anyone or been around anyone who's angry, their
primary kind of point is they're feeling unheard. So the management strategy for angry child is
actually let them talk. Find out what's going on for them. Let their point of view be heard,
because nine times out of ten, once you've dealt with the anger, you uncover the vulnerability.
So here...
We need to VALIDATE.
Now, with the coping modes, I don't want you to turn them off because Flight,
Flight. Freeze are automated for a reason. It's something that we were born with for a reason.
If there's a bus coming barreling down the street as you're crossing the road
I want you to get out of the way and it's these systems that are going to make that happen.
So I don't need to get rid of them but I want you to be able to CHOOSE when and if you engage them
So there's times when Perfectionistic Overcompensator can actually be quite functional,
but it needs to be time limited. There are times where if you're faced with someone who represents
an actual threat to you Avoidant Protector is going to help you get out of danger. But there's
going to be other people that aren't threatening to you that you're having difficulty engaging if
you're so used to being in your protective mode. So then the strategies for this...
Is to be selective. Your strategy for your parent modes, there's two different strategies.
Because your Punitive Parent is critical and rude and negative and horrible at all times,
it has absolutely no value whatsoever... we BANISH. Get rid of it, to the best of
your ability. Maybe not a hundred percent but at least be able to recognize when it
is that the inner critic is talking and go "I don't want to hear it. Go away. Shut up."
Whatever you need to do. Imagine kicking it off a cliff. But Demanding Parent, on the other hand,
there is actually some element of functionality and purpose in that one. You need that voice in
the back of your head that says "get out of bed. You've hit snooze three times. If you
don't get out of bed now you're going too late." What you don't need is a voice that
says "get up at four o'clock in the morning; you need to clean the house, mop the floors,
go to the gym for two hours then you're allowed to go to work. Once you get to work,
you need to do this, this, this." It just gets too out of control. So for here...
we NEGOTIATE.
The healthy adult modes what we really need to do here is DEVELOP and FLOURISH...
And for the Happy Child Mode, the biggest thing that we want
here ...let it out. PLAY. Have some fun. It's a really good balance to
this stuff down here and something that we never actually grow out of.
Okay! I hope all that's made sense. As I said I'm going to include the word
document that's got kind of the overview of these you've got something you can actually
download and print out if you need it. We will do some more videos coming up talking
about some of the modes within these but for today that is my schema conceptualization.
Download diagram at www.thepsychcollective.com
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