Signs You're Dating A Narcissist

Summary

In this insightful discussion, Dr. Ramani dives into the complexities of dating a narcissist, highlighting key traits such as a lack of empathy, entitlement, and superficiality. She explains the manipulative tactic of 'gaslighting' and its impact on the victim's perception of reality. The conversation touches on the dynamics of two narcissists in a relationship, which she humorously describes as a 'psychological cage fight,' emphasizing the importance of recognizing and addressing narcissistic behaviors for healthier relationships.

Takeaways

• 📚 Dr. Ramani is an expert on narcissism and has written a book to help those struggling with relationships involving narcissists.
• 🤔 A narcissist is characterized by a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, grandiosity, superficiality, and poor emotion regulation.
• 🔍 Six key traits are typically expected to identify someone as a narcissist, but Dr. Ramani provides a list of 30 characteristics in her book.
• 🚫 Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism and may react aggressively if they do not receive special treatment or if their way is not followed.
• 💬 'Gaslighting' is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists where they deny the reality of others, causing confusion and self-doubt.
• 🗣️ Feeling the need to record conversations with a partner can be a sign of being in a relationship with a narcissist who is gaslighting you.
• 🤝 Narcissists may initially appear to have relationships that 'look good' on the outside, but lack genuine connection and empathy.
• 🥊 When two narcissists date, it can resemble a 'psychological cage fight' with a lack of listening and empathy, leading to explosive conflicts.
• 🚫 Dr. Ramani humorously suggests that narcissists should 'co-breed' to keep them out of the normal dating pool to prevent the perpetuation of these traits.
• 👥 Even when two narcissists admit their traits, the relationships do not succeed due to the inherent nature of narcissism.
• 🤔 The societal misuse of the term 'narcissist' can cloud understanding, but the script provides clear indicators to help identify true narcissistic behavior.

Q & A

What is the main topic of discussion in the transcript?

The main topic is identifying and understanding the characteristics of narcissism in the context of dating and relationships.

Who is Dr. Ramani and what is her area of expertise?

Dr. Ramani is a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with clients who have been hurt in relationships with narcissists.

What does Dr. Ramani find fascinating about working with narcissistic relationships?

Dr. Ramani finds it fascinating because of the patterns she has observed and the need for a systematic way to help those affected by such relationships.

What is the title of Dr. Ramani's book on narcissism?

The title of her book is 'Should I Stay or Should I Go'.

According to Dr. Ramani, what are some key characteristics of a narcissist?

Key characteristics include a lack of empathy, entitlement, grandiosity, superficiality, concern with appearance, poor emotion regulation, quickness to anger, and hypersensitivity to criticism.

What is the minimum number of narcissistic traits one should exhibit to be considered a narcissist according to Dr. Ramani?

Dr. Ramani suggests that at least six of the traits should be present to consider someone a narcissist.

What is 'Gaslighting' and how does it manifest in a relationship?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person denies the reality of their partner, making the partner question their own perceptions and sanity.

Why might someone feel the need to record conversations with a narcissist?

Recording conversations can be a way to document reality and provide evidence against the manipulative tactics of gaslighting used by a narcissist.

What does Dr. Ramani suggest about dating between two narcissists?

She describes it as a 'psychological cage fight' where neither party is empathetic or genuinely listens to the other.

What does Dr. Ramani advise about narcissists reproducing?

She humorously suggests that narcissists should 'co-breed' to keep them out of the normal dating pool and prevent them from passing on their traits.

What happens when both partners in a relationship admit to being narcissists, according to Dr. Ramani?

Dr. Ramani states that even when both partners acknowledge their narcissism, the relationships do not succeed due to the inherent lack of empathy and understanding.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 Identifying Narcissism in Relationships

Dr. Ramani, a clinical psychologist, discusses the signs of narcissism in dating relationships. She explains that narcissists lack empathy, feel entitled, are grandiose, superficial, and have a poor ability to regulate emotions. They are prone to tantrums and highly sensitive to criticism. Dr. Ramani emphasizes that while many people may exhibit some of these traits, it takes a combination of at least six to be considered a narcissist. She also introduces the concept of 'Gaslighting,' a manipulative tactic where a narcissist denies the reality of their partner's experiences, leading to the partner questioning their own sanity. Dr. Ramani suggests that if someone feels the need to record conversations to prove a point, it might be a sign that they should leave the relationship.

05:03

🤼‍♀️ The Dynamics of Two Narcissists Dating

The conversation continues with Dr. Ramani describing what happens when two narcissists date each other. She humorously refers to it as a 'psychological cage fight,' highlighting the lack of empathy and the self-centered nature of such relationships. Initially, the relationship might seem to work because both parties are concerned with appearances and how they reflect on themselves. However, when one narcissist frustrates the other, the relationship can quickly deteriorate into a significant conflict. Dr. Ramani also mentions that she has encountered couples where both individuals admit to being narcissists, but such relationships never succeed because they fail to recognize and address the childlike aspects of their behavior that are detrimental to a healthy relationship.

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Keywords

💡Narcissism

Narcissism in this context refers to a personality disorder characterized by a lack of empathy, inflated self-importance, and a constant need for admiration. It is central to the video's theme as it discusses how to identify and cope with narcissistic behaviors in relationships. The script mentions that a narcissist expects special treatment and is grandiose, superficial, and prone to anger if they don't get their way.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. In the video, it is highlighted as a quality that narcissists lack, which contributes to their inability to form genuine connections with others. The script points out that narcissists are not empathic and do not listen to others, focusing instead on their own needs and desires.

💡Entitlement

Entitlement is the belief that one inherently deserves privileges or special treatment. The script describes narcissists as entitled, expecting preferential treatment without considering the needs of others. This sense of entitlement is a key characteristic that helps to identify narcissistic individuals.

💡Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where a person makes someone question their own reality or sanity by denying their experiences or perceptions. The script explains that narcissists engage in gaslighting, such as denying they said something hurtful, which can leave their partners feeling confused and doubting their own memories.

💡Tantrums

Tantrums are outbursts of anger or frustration, often seen in children but also exhibited by adults, particularly in the context of the video when discussing narcissists. The script notes that narcissists are prone to throwing tantrums, especially when they do not get what they want, illustrating their lack of emotional regulation.

💡Criticism

Criticism, in the context of the video, refers to the act of expressing disapproval or pointing out faults. The script mentions that narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism, which can trigger defensive or aggressive reactions, further highlighting their fragile self-esteem and need for validation.

💡Superficial

Superficial describes a person who is concerned primarily with appearances or surface aspects rather than depth or substance. The video script uses this term to describe narcissists, who are very concerned about their own appearance and the image they project to others, often at the expense of deeper emotional connections.

💡Mirroring

The term 'mirroring' is used metaphorically in the script to describe the experience of being in a relationship with a narcissist, where it's like 'looking into the mirror and nothing is looking back at you.' This illustrates the lack of genuine connection and empathy that one might experience with a narcissist, who is unable to reflect or reciprocate emotional depth.

💡Victim

While the script avoids using the term 'victim' directly, the concept is implied when discussing individuals who have been hurt in relationships with narcissists. The video aims to help these individuals by providing insights into narcissistic behaviors and suggesting ways to cope or exit such relationships.

💡Loyalty

Loyalty refers to a strong feeling of support or allegiance. The script points out that narcissists do not tend to be loyal, as their self-centered nature often overrides any commitment to others. This lack of loyalty can be a significant issue in relationships with narcissists, leading to feelings of insecurity and betrayal.

💡Psychological Cage Fight

This phrase is used in the script to describe the intense and potentially destructive dynamic that can occur when two narcissists are in a relationship. It suggests a battle for dominance and control, with neither party being empathetic or willing to compromise, leading to a tumultuous and unhealthy relationship.

Highlights

Dr. Ramani discusses how to identify the signs of narcissism in a dating relationship.

Narcissists lack empathy and have a sense of entitlement, expecting special treatment.

Narcissists are grandiose, harboring fantasies and only wanting to affiliate with those they deem 'cool' or 'interesting'.

They are superficial, overly concerned with appearance and can have a 'beautiful facade' with little substance.

Narcissists struggle with emotional regulation and are prone to quick anger and tantrums, especially when they don't get their way.

Dr. Ramani explains that narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism and may engage in 'gaslighting' to manipulate reality.

Gaslighting involves denying someone's reality, making them question their own perceptions and feelings.

Dr. Ramani suggests that feeling the need to record conversations may indicate a relationship with a narcissist.

The term 'narcissist' is often misused in society, and Dr. Ramani clarifies the actual characteristics of narcissism.

When two narcissists date each other, it can be likened to a 'psychological cage fight' with a lack of empathy and listening.

In relationships between two narcissists, appearances are prioritized over genuine connection and mutual support.

Dr. Ramani humorously suggests that narcissists should 'co-breed' to keep them out of the normal dating pool.

Admitting to being a narcissist does not guarantee successful relationships, as self-awareness does not always equate to change.

Dr. Ramani's book 'Should I Stay or Should I Go?' aims to help those struggling with relationships involving narcissism.

Narcissists can exhibit jealousy, disloyalty, and take pleasure in the misery of others, among other traits.

The transcript provides a comprehensive look at the dynamics of narcissistic relationships and the impact on individuals involved.

Dr. Ramani emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between narcissistic behaviors and normal personality traits.

Transcripts

are you dating in a total jerk?

well, if you are you might be dating a narcissist

I am here to tell you how to spot a signs of a narcissism

is a Dr. Ramani.

Dr. Ramani thanks for being here to talk with us

about dating a narcissist

My pleasure, thank you my favorite kind of topic. Why is this

your favorite kind of topic? You know what is it

It's a curiosity to me. I started working with a lot of

clients who were i hate the word

,,victimize" but who really hurts by this relationship

and I saw a pattern and I though

wow we got to help this people but in a systematic way

so not only did i really get to helping them

but it all culminated in a book

that was meant to help everyone who is struggling with this issues

but it was remarkable to me to look in a narcissistic

relationship and essence

it's like looking into the mirror and nothing is looking back at you.

U, good metaphor.

Am ,,Should I stay or should I go'' is your book

about narcissism. What is,

or what define someone to be a narcissist?

A narcissist is, lets talk about in terms of sort of the key or kinds of pillow

it's a person who lacks empathy

who is really entitled, meaning that they expect

special treatment to be giving to them but nobody else

They are very grandiose they harbor a huge of fantasy

they only want to affiliate with people they think as

cool or as interesting as they are. They are

very superficial. They are very concern about their appearance

and the appearance of the people around them. I've always thinks of them as

beautiful facade with not a lot behind them.

They don't regulate their emotions very well

They are very prone to thrown a tantrums, getting angry very quickly, specialy if they dont get their way

and they can be really hipper sensitive to criticism

So those are some of the key elements we see

in a person who is narcissistic. And just because someone has

one or even maybe a two of those does it make them

a narcissists. In fact in my book I have 30 characteristics

so we can go all the way.

So then how many would I have to

have to be a narcissist. I would say that six I

gave you I expect to see all the six really to

call someone a narcissistic and the longer list for example

they tend to be jealous, they engage in something

called ,,Gaslighting'' where they literary doubt your own reality

leaving you feeling like you are gone crazy

they don't tend to be very loyal, they do tend of

throw temper tantrums, they get pleasure out of misery

in other people. They are kind of mean - Lets

explain Gaslighting

a little more. What is that look like?

Gaslighting looks like literary like I said when

somebody kinds of denies your reality, so

you might say something like

I feel really sad that you really say that to me, and they said something like

you have not rights to say that

you have no rights to feel that way or

they say something you are having an argument with them

and they will had said something terrible to you

couple of days before and you say, Listen when you said that,

they will say I've never said that

and so it's literary like they denies your reality

and when somebody says I never said that

most normal people tend to question of themselves - Mmm..

And so, in fact I've always say one of the ringers

that you're in a relationship with the narcissist who is

gaslighting you is you started to feeling the need

to voice record your conversation with them

so you can play it back to them,I always say when you feel like you need

a voice memo in your relationship it maybe time to get out

-Ok.

I have been

in a relationship where I thought

I am gonna record our next conversation because You are just

not believing that

what has been said has been said. Gaslighting. Wow. But that not necessarily

mean that that person was a narcissist. No that

can be a lot of parts. But yeah but it could be a key indicator

Yeah this is hard for a lot of people I feel like because we do

in our society throw around that term all the time You know

You get mad at somebody and say..well they're being narcisist

well, they want to have dinner at eight, they are narcisista, no they just want to have dinner at eight,you know...-right.

so this type of factors

really help people

narrow it in when they're narcisists

i'm really curios

on... when two narcisists date each other

in your practice, you're a clinical psichologist

you talk always people what is that relationship look like?

it's basically a psichological cage fight

i mean obvously..- ahahahahahha

i souldn't have been laughing, because it affects lot of people

i know it's fascinating because what ends up happening is

nobody's empathic,

nobody's listening,

and they're not playing with each other

they're kind of playing by themselves

everything actually goes well for a while

because they really care that the other one looks good

so they can deliver on that- they only care that the other one

looks good ..because it makes them look good

this... this is like the guy "i need a hot girlfriend"

you know .. it's that kind of a modelo

of ...like.. i need to look good, my partner makes me look good

so, it's a sort of .. almost

is larger than life kind of... almost toopretty couples

that you sometimes...make you wonder what is a .... looking so good?

don't... don't we want a partner who makes us look good?

no. we want a partner who makes us feel good. -mmm

there's a difference. - there's a big difference

so i think that what ends up happening is that when

the first time one person made up two narcisists togheter

frustrates the other then

it all breaks lose

so it gets to be .. when the fireworks go

they go.. big.in this kind of relationships

i always say let the narcisists al cobreed

then we kind of ... get them out of normal dating supplies

just don't reproduce

ok so... you have this two narcisists

that are dating toghether.-right. -

have you ever seen a couple

each of them were a narcisist and they both admit it

that they were both a narcisist.-absolutely

did those relationships succeed?- no.

no i'll tell you what happens is that there's...

a point wich, i will tell you, there's a number of people i work with who have admitted

straight up "i'm a narcisist"i know it

and now i can see how is affecting ...usually it would be kids...

or family relationships or their

intimate relationships

and they wanna do the work but they don't recognize

having almost childlike