How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | Brittany Packnett Cunningham | TED

Summary

The speaker recounts her childhood fascination with Septima Clark, an educator and activist, whose portrait on a book cover symbolized confidence. She emphasizes the crucial role of confidence in driving change and shares her experiences as a teacher, where she nurtured confidence in her diverse students. The talk explores the importance of permission, community, and curiosity in building confidence, advocating for a world that values and fosters it, regardless of race or gender.

Takeaways

• 🏡 The speaker's childhood home, with its pristine living room, symbolized the sacrifices of previous generations and the importance of maintaining a perfect image.
• 📚 A book featuring Septima Clark, an activist and educator, inspired the speaker and became a defining image of confidence before she even understood the concept.
• 🌟 Confidence is often underrated and considered a 'nice-to-have' rather than a 'must-have' skill, yet it is crucial for overcoming challenges and realizing ambitions.
• 🚀 Confidence acts as a catalyst, distinguishing those who are inspired from those who take action and persist despite failures.
• 🌍 The speaker aspires to create a world where revolutionary confidence helps turn ambitious dreams into reality, beginning with her classroom as a microcosm of this vision.
• 👩‍🏫 In her classroom, the speaker aimed to foster an environment where students, particularly those from marginalized backgrounds, could develop the confidence to reshape the world.
• 👦 Jamal's story illustrates how a student's confidence can be nurtured through understanding and flexibility, leading to a breakthrough moment of public speaking.
• 👧 Regina's experience highlights the teacher's struggle to balance discipline with fostering confidence, and the potential negative impact of prioritizing control over encouragement.
• 🔑 The speaker identifies three key elements for cultivating confidence: permission to be oneself, a supportive community, and the curiosity to learn from mistakes.
• 🌈 The vision of a future where confidence is not confined by gender, race, or traditional leadership stereotypes, but is instead a universal key to unlocking a just and equitable world.

Q & A

What was the significance of the book 'I Dream A World' in the speaker's life?

The book 'I Dream A World' was significant because it featured a portrait of Septima Clark, which defined confidence for the speaker before she even knew the word. It inspired her to dream of a world where revolutionary confidence helps bring ambitious dreams into reality.

Why was the living room in the speaker's childhood home described as 'perfect'?

The living room was described as 'perfect' because it represented the sacrifices of generations and was a first impression of the family's home, adorned with a white carpet and a curio of the mother's most treasured collectibles.

How did the speaker's mother influence her understanding of confidence?

The speaker's mother influenced her understanding of confidence by demonstrating assertiveness and skill in negotiations, such as when buying a car, which showed the speaker how to defy expectations and show up confidently.

What was Jamal's least favorite subject and how did the speaker help him overcome his reluctance?

Jamal's least favorite subject was writing. The speaker helped him by allowing him to work from anywhere in the classroom if he could give focused work, which eventually led to Jamal reading his work aloud during a mock election, showcasing his brilliance.

What was the turning point for Jamal in the classroom?

The turning point for Jamal was when he decided to read his stump speech out loud in class during a mock election, which earned him a standing ovation and showed his most confident self for the first time that year.

How did the speaker's approach towards Regina reflect a moment of lack of confidence?

The speaker's approach towards Regina reflected a lack of confidence when she snapped at Regina for being a distraction, inadvertently communicating that Regina herself was a distraction, which extinguished the light of joy in her eyes.

What are the three elements the speaker believes are necessary to breed confidence?

The three elements the speaker believes are necessary to breed confidence are permission, community, and curiosity.

Why did the speaker travel to Kenya and what did she learn from the Maasai women?

The speaker traveled to Kenya to learn about women's empowerment among Maasai women. She learned about the importance of community from a group called Team Lioness, who showed that confidence is nurtured and affirmed by the support of others.

How did the speaker's manager help her maintain her confidence after a failed event?

The speaker's manager helped her maintain her confidence by asking about her intentions rather than focusing on her mistakes, which allowed the speaker to learn from the experience without damaging her confidence.

What is the speaker's vision for the future in terms of confidence and leadership?

The speaker's vision for the future is a world where confidence is not intimidated by gender, race, or leadership archetypes, and where it is recognized as a key to unlocking the future that everyone wants.

What does the speaker believe is the role of confidence in solving the world's greatest challenges?

The speaker believes that confidence is a necessary spark that can help solve the world's greatest challenges by empowering individuals to take action and bring about change.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 The Power of Confidence and Role Models

The speaker recounts her childhood fascination with a book featuring Septima Clark, an educator and activist, whose portrait became a symbol of confidence. She emphasizes the importance of confidence, often undervalued compared to knowledge and resources, but essential for initiating action and overcoming challenges. The speaker's journey with confidence began in her classroom, where she aimed to instill this quality in her diverse students, particularly highlighting the stories of Jamal, a brilliant but unfocused student, and Regina, who, despite her brilliance, struggled with classroom disruptions. The anecdotes illustrate the transformative impact of confidence on individuals and the speaker's commitment to fostering it in her students.

05:01

🔥 Building Confidence Through Permission and Community

The speaker explores the concept of confidence as a revolutionary choice, particularly for those who face systemic barriers. She shares personal experiences and observations that demonstrate how permission from role models and the support of a community are crucial for nurturing confidence. The speaker's mother's assertiveness in negotiations taught her to defy expectations, while the story of Team Lioness, an all-female Maasai community ranger group, illustrates how collective strength can bolster individual confidence. The importance of curiosity in affirming confidence is also highlighted, as it allows individuals to learn from mistakes without damaging their self-assurance.

10:04

🌈 Cultivating a World of Confidence and Inclusivity

In this final paragraph, the speaker envisions a world where confidence is not confined by gender, race, or traditional leadership stereotypes. She calls for a society that values and encourages confidence in all its forms, as it is key to solving the world's greatest challenges and achieving justice and equity. The speaker reflects on the importance of permission, community, and curiosity in building confidence and expresses her belief in a future where everyone can be free, both externally and internally, because true freedom is only achieved when all are free. She concludes with a message of hope and empowerment, thanking the audience for their attention.

Keywords

💡Confidence

Confidence is a belief in one's own abilities and the conviction to take action. In the video, it is presented as a crucial element in personal and societal empowerment, with the speaker sharing her journey and emphasizing its importance in education and leadership. The script illustrates confidence through the transformation of students like Jamal and Regina, who gain self-assurance through support and encouragement.

💡Septima Clark

Septima Clark is a historical figure mentioned in the script as an activist and educator who serves as a role model for the speaker. Her portrait on a book cover symbolizes the embodiment of pride, wisdom, and confidence, influencing the speaker's perception of self-assurance and inspiring her to pursue a similar career path.

💡Injustice

Injustice refers to unfair treatment or a lack of equality, which the speaker argues persists despite the abundance of knowledge and resources in society. The video suggests that confidence is a missing factor in addressing these systemic issues, as it can empower individuals to challenge and change the status quo.

💡Education

Education is depicted as a transformative tool in the script, particularly in the context of building confidence in students. The speaker, as a former teacher, describes her classroom as a space designed to foster confidence and academic skills, highlighting the importance of an educational environment that nurtures both intellectual and personal growth.

💡Jamal

Jamal is a student in the script who initially struggles with focus and engagement. However, through a classroom activity involving a mock election, Jamal finds his voice and demonstrates his brilliance, exemplifying the video's theme of confidence as a catalyst for personal and academic success.

💡Regina

Regina is another student mentioned in the script who is brilliant but disruptive. Her story serves as a cautionary tale about the potential consequences of undermining a student's confidence. The speaker reflects on a moment of frustration that led to a loss of Regina's confidence, emphasizing the fragility and importance of this attribute.

💡Permission

Permission, in the context of the video, is the societal and personal approval or acceptance that allows individuals to express their confidence openly. The speaker discusses how observing her mother's assertiveness in negotiations provided her with the 'permission' to be confident and defy societal expectations.

💡Community

Community is portrayed as a nurturing environment that supports and reinforces confidence. The script shares the story of Team Lioness, an all-female Maasai ranger group, illustrating how collective strength and mutual support can amplify individual confidence and empower action.

💡Curiosity

Curiosity is presented as an attribute that affirms and deepens confidence by encouraging continuous learning and self-improvement. The speaker recounts a professional experience where a manager's curious inquiry about her intentions helped her learn from mistakes without damaging her confidence.

💡Inequity

Inequity refers to the unfair distribution of resources or opportunities, which the speaker aims to end through the promotion of confidence. The video suggests that a world free from inequity would be one where confidence is not limited by race, gender, or social status.

💡Leadership

Leadership in the script is not confined to traditional archetypes but is inclusive of diverse forms of confidence and influence. The speaker advocates for a world where confidence in leadership is not restricted by societal biases, allowing for a broader range of voices and perspectives to shape the future.

Highlights

The importance of confidence in personal and societal progress, as illustrated by the author's childhood memory of a book featuring Septima Clark.

The underestimation of confidence as a 'soft skill' in comparison to knowledge and resources.

The argument that confidence is a critical component missing in the equation for addressing societal challenges.

Confidence as the spark that ignites action and perseverance in the face of failure.

The author's aspiration to create a classroom environment that fosters confidence in students facing significant socio-economic challenges.

The story of Jamal, a student who overcame his lack of focus and found his voice through a classroom activity.

The transformative power of a supportive environment in helping students like Jamal to express themselves confidently.

Regina's story, highlighting the impact of a teacher's approach on a student's confidence and classroom dynamics.

The potential harm of prioritizing control over nurturing confidence in students.

The societal bias in rewarding confidence in some individuals while punishing it in others.

The idea that confidence can be a revolutionary choice for those who are traditionally marginalized.

The three key elements identified for cultivating confidence: permission, community, and curiosity.

The personal story of the author's mother as an example of giving permission to defy expectations and show confidence.

The role of community in nurturing confidence, as demonstrated by the Maasai women's Team Lioness.

The importance of curiosity in affirming confidence and learning from mistakes.

The vision of a world where confidence is not limited by gender, race, or leadership stereotypes.

The author's belief in the collective power to create a world where confidence is universally embraced and valued.

Transcripts

So when I was a little girl,

a book sat on the coffee table in our living room,

just steps from our front door.

And the living room is a first impression.

Ours had white carpet

and a curio of my mother's most treasured collectibles.

That room represented the sacrifices of generations gone by

who, by poverty or by policy,

couldn't afford a curio of collectibles

let alone a middle class house to put them in.

That room had to stay perfect.

But I would risk messing up that perfect room every day

just to see that book.

On the cover sat a woman named Septima Clark.

She sat in perfect profile with her face raised to the sky.

She had perfect salt-and-pepper cornrows

platted down the sides of her head,

and pride and wisdom just emanated from her dark skin.

Septima Clark was an activist and an educator,

a woman after whom I'd eventually model my own career.

But more than all the words she ever spoke,

that single portrait of Septima Clark,

it defined confidence for me

before I ever even knew the word.

It may sound simple,

but confidence is something that we underestimate the importance of.

We treat it like a nice-to-have instead of a must-have.

We place value on knowledge and resources

above what we deem to be the soft skill of confidence.

But by most measures, we have more knowledge

and more resources now than at any other point in history,

and still injustice abounds and challenges persist.

If knowledge and resources were all that we needed,

we wouldn't still be here.

And I believe that confidence is one of the main things

missing from the equation.

I'm completely obsessed with confidence.

It's been the most important journey of my life,

a journey that, to be honest, I'm still on.

Confidence is the necessary spark before everything that follows.

Confidence is the difference between being inspired

and actually getting started,

between trying and doing until it's done.

Confidence helps us keep going even when we failed.

The name of the book on that coffee table was "I Dream A World,"

and today I dream a world where revolutionary confidence

helps bring about our most ambitious dreams into reality.

That's exactly the kind of world that I wanted to create in my classroom

when I was a teacher,

like a Willy Wonka world of pure imagination,

but make it scholarly.

All of my students were black or brown.

All of them were growing up in a low-income circumstance.

Some of them were immigrants, some of them were disabled,

but all of them were the very last people

this world invites to be confident.

That's why it was so important that my classroom be a place

where my students could build the muscle of confidence,

where they could learn to face each day with the confidence you need

to redesign the world in the image of your own dreams.

After all, what are academic skills without the confidence to use those skills

to go out and change the world.

Now is when I should tell you about two of my students, Jamal and Regina.

Now, I've changed their names, but their stories remain the same.

Jamal was brilliant, but unfocused.

He would squirm in his chair during independent work,

and he would never stay still for more than three or four minutes.

Students like Jamal can perplex brand new teachers

because they're not quite sure how to support young people like him.

I took a direct approach.

I negotiated with Jamal.

If he could give me focused work,

then he could do it from anywhere in the classroom,

from our classroom rug, from behind my desk,

from inside his classroom locker, which turned out to be his favorite place.

Jamal's least favorite subject was writing,

and he never wanted to read what he had written out loud in class,

but we were still making progress.

One day, I decided to host a mock 2008 presidential election

in my classroom.

My third graders had to research and write a stump speech

for their chosen candidate:

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or John McCain.

The heavy favorites were obvious,

but one student chose John McCain.

It was Jamal.

Jamal finally decided to read something that he had written out loud in class,

and sure enough, Jamal stunned all of us with his brilliance.

Just like Jamal's dad, John McCain was a veteran,

and just like Jamal's dad protected him,

Jamal believed that John McCain would protect the entire country.

And he wasn't my candidate of choice, but it didn't matter,

because the entire class erupted into applause,

a standing ovation for our brave friend Jamal

who finally showed up as his most confident self

for the first time that year.

And then there was Regina.

Regina was equally as brilliant, but active.

She'd inevitably finish her work early,

and then she'd get on about the business of distracting other students.

(Laughter)

Walking, talking,

passing those notes that teachers hate but kids love.

You look like you passed a lot of them.

(Laughter)

Despite my high ideals for our classroom,

I would too often default to my baser instincts,

and I would choose compliance over confidence.

Regina was a glitch in my intended system.

A good teacher can correct misbehavior

but still remain a student's champion.

But on one day in particular,

I just plain old chose control.

I snapped,

and my approach didn't communicate to Regina

that she was being a distraction.

My approach communicated to Regina that she herself was a distraction.

I watched the light go out from her eyes,

and that light sparked joy in our classroom.

I had just extinguished it.

The entire class became irritable,

and we didn't recover for the rest of the day.

I think about the day often,

and I have literally prayed that I did not do irreparable harm,

because as a woman who used to be a little girl just like Regina,

I know that I could have started the process of killing her confidence

forever.

A lack of confidence pulls us down from the bottom

and weighs us down from the top,

crushing us between a flurry of can'ts, won'ts and impossibles.

Without confidence, we get stuck,

and when we get stuck, we can't even get started.

Instead of getting mired in what can get in our way,

confidence invites us to perform with certainty.

We all operate a little differently when we're sure we can win

versus if we just hope we will.

Now, this can be a helpful check.

If you don't have enough confidence,

it could be because you need to readjust your goal.

If you have too much confidence,

it could be because you're not rooted in something real.

Not everyone lacks confidence.

We make it easier in this society for some people to gain confidence

because they fit our preferred archetype of leadership.

We reward confidence in some people

and we punish confidence in others,

and all the while far too many people

are walking around every single day without it.

For some of us,

confidence is a revolutionary choice,

and it would be our greatest shame

to see our best ideas go unrealized

and our brightest dreams go unreached

all because we lacked the engine of confidence.

That's not a risk I'm willing to take.

So how do we crack the code on confidence?

In my estimation, it takes at least three things:

permission, community and curiosity.

Permission births confidence,

community nurtures it

and curiosity affirms it.

In education, we've got a saying,

that you can't be what you can't see.

When I was a little girl, I couldn't show confidence

until someone showed me.

My family used to do everything together,

including the mundane things, like buying a new car,

and every time we did this,

I'd watch my parents put on the exact same performance.

We'd enter the dealership,

and my dad would sit

while my mom shopped.

When my mom found a car that she liked,

they'd go in and meet with the dealer,

and inevitably, every time the dealer would turn his attention

and his body to my dad,

assuming that he controlled the purse strings

and therefore this negotiation.

"Rev. Packnett," they'd say, "how do we get you into this car today?"

My dad would inevitably respond the same way.

He'd slowly and silently gesture toward my mother

and then put his hands right back in his lap.

It might have been the complete shock

of negotiating finances with a black woman in the '80s,

but whatever it was,

I'd watch my mother work these car dealers over

until they were basically giving the car away for free.

(Laughter)

She would never crack a smile.

She would never be afraid to walk away.

I know my mom just thought she was getting a good deal on a minivan,

but what she was actually doing

was giving me permission to defy expectations

and to show up confidently in my skill no matter who doubts me.

Confidence needs permission to exist

and community is the safest place to try confidence on.

I traveled to Kenya this year to learn about women's empowerment

among Maasai women.

There I met a group of young women

called Team Lioness,

among Kenya's first all-female community ranger groups.

These eight brave young women were making history

in just their teenage years,

and I asked Purity, the most verbose young ranger among them,

"Do you ever get scared?"

I swear to you, I want to tattoo her response all over my entire body.

She said, "Of course I do,

but I call on my sisters.

They remind me that we will be better than these men

and that we will not fail."

Purity's confidence to chase down lions and catch poachers,

it didn't come from her athletic ability or even just her faith.

Her confidence was propped up by sisterhood,

by community.

What she was basically saying was that if I am ever in doubt,

I need you to be there

to restore my hope

and to rebuild my certainty.

In community, I can find my confidence

and your curiosity can affirm it.

Early in my career, I led a large-scale event

that did not go exactly as planned.

I'm lying to you. It was terrible.

And when I debriefed the event with my manager,

I just knew that she was going to run down the list

of every mistake I had ever made,

probably from birth.

But instead, she opened with a question:

What was your intention?

I was surprised but relieved.

She knew that I was already beating myself up,

and that question invited me to learn from my own mistakes

instead of damage my already fragile confidence.

Curiosity invites people to be in charge of their own learning.

That exchange, it helped me approach my next project

with the expectation of success.

Permission, community, curiosity:

all of these are the things that we will need to breed the confidence

that we'll absolutely need to solve our greatest challenges

and to build the world we dream,

a world where inequity is ended and where justice is real,

a world where we can be free on the outside and free on the inside

because we know that none of us are free until all of us are free.

A world that isn't intimidated by confidence

when it shows up as a woman

or in black skin

or in anything other than our preferred archetypes of leadership.

A world that knows that that kind of confidence

is exactly the key we need to unlock the future that we want.

I have enough confidence to believe that that world

will indeed come to pass,

and that we are the ones to make it so.

Thank you so much.

(Applause)