How To Deal With A Toxic Boss Without Losing Your Mind!

Summary

This video, hosted by Brian from Life After Layoff, offers practical strategies for dealing with a toxic boss, a situation many encounter in their careers. Brian emphasizes the importance of first verifying if the boss is truly toxic, identifying signs like micromanagement, poor communication, and favoritism. He advises maintaining professionalism, establishing boundaries, and documenting interactions for self-protection. Seeking support from mentors or HR, if necessary, is also suggested. Brian cautions against quitting immediately, recommending exploring all options first. He stresses the importance of self-care and provides resources for those considering a job change, including resume tips and interview strategies from his website.

Takeaways

• 📝 Ensure you're actually working for a toxic boss by recognizing signs like micromanagement, lack of communication, bullying, and undermining your credibility.
• 🛡️ Maintain professionalism at all times, even when facing unprofessional behavior from your toxic boss.
• 📌 Establish clear boundaries with your boss to protect your mental well-being and communicate these professionally.
• 📖 Document everything, including instances of toxic behavior and any agreements or commitments made during discussions.
• 👥 Seek support from trusted colleagues or mentors, either within or outside your organization, for advice on handling the situation.
• 📚 Consider using your employer's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for confidential support and guidance.
• 🛠️ If the situation severely impacts your performance or mental health, a meeting with HR might be necessary, but as a last resort.
• 💡 Explore legal options with an employment attorney if you're facing constructive discharge or illegal workplace conditions.
• 💸 Updating your resume and beginning a job search may be wise if the situation does not improve or affects your career advancement.
• 🧘 Focus on self-care to manage stress and gain clarity on your situation, emphasizing the importance of your mental and emotional health.

Q & A

What is the first step in dealing with a toxic boss according to the video?

The first step is ensuring that you are indeed working for a toxic boss by accurately identifying their behaviors and not hastily labeling any challenging authority as toxic.

What are some signs of a toxic boss mentioned in the video?

Signs of a toxic boss include micromanaging, narcissism, lack of communication, bullying, favoritism, intimidating tactics, undermining credibility, and unfair treatment regarding paychecks or bonuses.

Why is maintaining professionalism important when dealing with a toxic boss?

Maintaining professionalism is crucial because it ensures that you do not stoop to the boss's level of unprofessionalism, potentially leading to a more favorable outcome for yourself in the workplace.

How can establishing boundaries help in dealing with a toxic boss?

Establishing boundaries communicates to your boss that you will not tolerate bad behavior, helping to protect your mental well-being and potentially indicating the next steps you should take.

Why is documenting everything important when working with a toxic boss?

Documenting everything provides evidence of the toxic behavior, which is crucial for managing upward and potentially supporting your case in discussions with human resources or legal actions.

What is the role of support from trusted colleagues or mentors in dealing with a toxic boss?

Seeking support from trusted colleagues or mentors can provide advice, a different perspective, and potentially a senior ally, which is valuable for navigating the situation more successfully.

What should you do if the toxic behavior impacts your performance?

If toxic behavior starts impacting your performance, consider having a closed-door meeting with human resources as a last resort, especially if you feel targeted for quiet firing.

What is the importance of self-care when dealing with a toxic boss?

Self-care is important for reducing stress and gaining clarity on what steps to take next, helping you to preserve your mental and emotional well-being amidst a challenging work environment.

What options does the video suggest if you decide to leave a toxic workplace?

If deciding to leave, consider speaking with an employment attorney to explore your options, and view quitting as a last resort after attempting to resolve the issue through other means.

How does the video propose using LinkedIn for job seekers dealing with a toxic work environment?

The video suggests leveraging targeted networking on LinkedIn as a game-changer for job seekers, potentially allowing them to bypass recruiters and directly engage with employers.

Outlines

00:00

🛡️ Navigating the Toxic Boss Terrain

The video opens by acknowledging the commonality of encountering toxic bosses during one's career and emphasizes the importance of handling such situations with care rather than hastily quitting. It outlines strategies for identifying a genuinely toxic boss, including signs like micromanagement, narcissism, exclusion from communication, and public undermining. The presenter, Brian, shares his personal and coached experiences on navigating these difficult waters, stressing the importance of professionalism, setting boundaries, and maintaining performance. Brian also mentions his free newsletter aimed at empowering professionals in their career journey.

05:01

📚 Strategic Responses to Toxicity

This section delves into practical strategies for dealing with a toxic boss, including documenting interactions, managing upwards through clear communication, and seeking support from mentors or trusted colleagues. It also discusses the cautious approach of involving human resources and the potential risks associated with it. The importance of self-documentation as evidence for HR discussions or legal advice is underscored, along with a reminder that seeking legal counsel should be considered if the situation escalates to a point of unbearable toxicity. Brian concludes by suggesting self-care and professional development through his website, which offers courses and coaching for navigating job searches and career challenges.

10:01

🌱 Growth Beyond Toxic Environments

In the final section, Brian outlines additional resources available for those struggling with toxic work environments, including personal coaching and targeted courses on resume writing, interview preparation, and leveraging LinkedIn for networking. He stresses the value of skipping traditional recruitment processes through effective networking and offers support for negotiating job offers to ensure no opportunities are missed. The segment reinforces the notion that while dealing with a toxic boss is challenging, there are strategies and resources available to navigate these situations effectively and grow professionally.

Keywords

💡Toxic Boss

A toxic boss refers to a supervisor or manager who creates a harmful work environment through negative behaviors such as micromanagement, favoritism, intimidation, or undermining employees' credibility. The video discusses the importance of recognizing these behaviors to confirm you're working under a toxic boss. Examples given include consistently poor communication, bullying tactics, and unfair treatment, indicating a detrimental impact on employees' mental health and work performance.

💡Professionalism

Professionalism in the context of dealing with a toxic boss involves maintaining a high level of integrity, respect, and ethical behavior, even when faced with unprofessional conduct from your boss. The video suggests that by keeping professional, you avoid stooping to the boss's level, which can preserve your reputation and possibly lead to the boss's behavior being addressed by higher-ups if it becomes known.

💡Boundaries

Establishing boundaries involves setting clear limits on what behaviors you will tolerate from a toxic boss. This concept is crucial for preserving one's mental well-being and ensuring a healthy work-life balance. The video emphasizes the importance of communicating these boundaries firmly and professionally, such as limiting after-hours work communications, to signal to the boss that their overbearing or inappropriate behaviors are not acceptable.

💡Documenting

Documenting refers to the practice of keeping a detailed record of all interactions, instructions, and behaviors demonstrated by the toxic boss. This approach is advised in the video as a means to have tangible evidence of the boss's toxic behavior, which can be invaluable during discussions with human resources or if legal action becomes necessary. Examples include noting dates, times, witnesses, and specifics of conversations or incidents.

💡Mentorship

Mentorship involves seeking guidance and support from more experienced colleagues or professionals outside your organization. The video suggests consulting with mentors to gain perspective on handling a toxic boss, which can provide strategic advice and emotional support. However, it warns of the risks associated with sharing sensitive issues with colleagues who may inadvertently relay information back to the boss.

💡Human Resources

Human Resources (HR) is highlighted as a potential avenue for addressing severe cases of toxic behavior. The video advises considering HR as a last resort due to the formal escalation it represents, which can result in a formal investigation into the boss's behavior. It underscores the importance of approaching HR only when other strategies have failed and the situation has severely impacted one's work or mental health.

💡Self-Care

Self-care is emphasized as crucial for individuals dealing with a toxic work environment. It involves engaging in activities that promote mental, emotional, and physical well-being to manage stress and maintain clarity. The video recommends practices like spending time in nature or with loved ones, and focusing on hobbies to detach from work-related stress and gain perspective on the situation.

💡Career Strategy

Career strategy encompasses the plans and actions one undertakes to navigate their career path, especially when facing challenges like a toxic boss. The video suggests proactive measures such as updating one's resume and exploring new job opportunities, indicating that sometimes the best strategy might be to leave a toxic environment in pursuit of a healthier, more supportive work setting.

💡Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

The Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is mentioned as a confidential resource for employees facing personal or work-related issues, including dealing with a toxic boss. The video points out that EAP offers access to counseling and advice without HR or management being informed of the specifics, providing a safe space for employees to seek help.

💡Quiet Firing

Quiet firing is described as a situation where an employer makes the work environment so unbearable for an employee that they feel forced to resign. The video touches on this concept in the context of toxic bosses, suggesting that if an employee feels targeted for quiet firing, it's crucial to document instances of unfair treatment and consider seeking HR intervention or legal advice.

Highlights

Identifying if you're truly working for a toxic boss is the first step in dealing with one.

Maintaining professionalism is crucial even when dealing with an unprofessional boss.

Establishing boundaries with a toxic boss is essential for your mental well-being.

Documenting everything is a key strategy for self-preservation when working for a toxic boss.

Seeking support from trusted colleagues or mentors can provide valuable guidance.

Utilizing employer EAP programs can offer anonymous support for dealing with toxic bosses.

Having a closed-door meeting with HR should be considered a last resort.

Quitting your job due to a toxic boss is the absolute last resort and not generally recommended.

Working on self-care is important for reducing stress and gaining clarity on the situation.

Updating your resume and looking for alternative employment opportunities may be necessary.

Consulting with an employment attorney can help you understand your options in a toxic workplace.

Creating a resume that stands out is crucial for job seekers in any situation.

Networking, especially targeted networking through LinkedIn, is a game-changer for job seekers.

Personal coaching can offer a different perspective and strategy for dealing with toxic bosses.

It's important to recognize the signs of a toxic boss, including micromanagement and lack of communication.

Transcripts

in nearly everybody's career you'll find

yourself working for a toxic boss at

some point in time or another but

working for a toxic boss can torpedo

your career and everybody's first

reaction is to just quit and move on to

greener pastures but that's not always

the best answer so in this video let's

share some strategies on how you can

deal with a toxic

[Music]

boss hey everybody it's Brian from life

after layoff and today I want to share

with you some strategies on how to deal

with that toxic boss that you might find

yourself working for now inevitably

especially as you get further into your

career it's probably a statistic

likelihood that you will work for a bad

boss at some point in time or another I

certainly have in my career and there

are certain strategies that I've learned

to adopt in order to deal with these

more effectively so in this video I want

to share with you some of the strategies

I've personally used and also coached

people on how to navigate a toxic

situation specifically with with that

boss but before we get into that I

actually have a newsletter that teaches

you how to reclaim control and start to

approach your job search and your career

with more Authority and conviction and

if you're ready to power up your career

check it out it's completely free and

it's loaded with value so I think the

first step in dealing with the toxic

boss is indeed making sure that you're

working for a toxic boss and listen it's

easy to label everybody around you every

boss you've ever had and every company

you've ever worked for as toxic but the

reality is is that's just not the truth

and in some cases maybe the boss you're

working for isn't truly toxic they maybe

start the most effective lead I actually

made another video on some of the

Surefire signs that you're working for a

toxic boss so you might want to check

that one out first but some of the

things that I look for are micromanaging

if they are narcissist and narcissist is

kind of a broad term and it's kind of

used pretty Loosely we'll probably dive

into that in a future video a lack of

communication or leaving you out of

communication loops on purpose and this

might be trying to have one-on-one

meetings like a regular one-on-one sync

and they're always rescheduling or never

making time for you and inevitably the

toxic boss will always find fault in you

of not communicating enough with them

even though they're the root cause of it

and of course bullying favoritism

intimidating tactics and other things

like undermining your credibility in

public especially behind closed doors to

key decision makers reprimanding you in

public or doing Shady things with your

paychecks or cutting your bonus and

things like that so in particular you

want to look around your workplace see

how your boss is interacting with not

just you but also other people in your

department if they're consistently

treating everybody like crap then

chances are you probably do work for a

very toxic boss but if it's just you

that is being treated this way there

might be a deeper reason behind it so

assuming that you are indeed dealing

with a toxic workplace the first thing

that you really want to do is make sure

that you maintain professionalism

because even if they're not professional

with you you don't want to stoop to

their level you will certainly not come

out on top if you're trying to go

head-to-head with an unprofessional boss

the best thing you can do here even

though it might be difficult because you

have to bite your tongue is to maintain

the professionalism take the high road

double down on your performance make

sure you're meeting all of your

commitments and truly don't give them

any reason to criticize you and I've

actually personally seen certain bosses

who were particularly toxic get

dismissed or encouraged to move on as

their behavior became less and less

accepted in the workplace now I know a

lot of you are going to be thinking yeah

right that never happens but it actually

does happen if you work in a good

company with good senior leadership but

the next thing you want to do is you

want to establish boundaries and let

your boss know that you're not going to

tolerate the bad behavior and listen

sometimes establishing boundaries

especially with a toxic boss can be very

uncomfortable but you owe it to your own

mental well-being

and your career to establish some sort

of boundary and if that boss is stepping

over the line it'll give you a pretty

clear indicator of what the next steps

are for you and setting these boundaries

may require you to call them out in a

professional way when they're

overstepping the line for example if

your boss has a bad habit of calling you

late at night or over weekends you

should be firmly establishing a boundary

with them and I would say something to

the effect of it's really important for

me to spend time with my friends and

family on nights and weekends so that

can be fully recharged on Monday and

I'll be happy to sit down with you on

Monday morning to look at my schedule

together so we can rep prioritize what's

missing critical and how we can slot

this in and I realize by doing so you're

going to be pushing back fairly firmly

but you need to establish a clear

boundary with your boss otherwise you

can continue to expect nights and

weekend calls for the rest of your

career at that employer and the same

strategy works for bosses who pile work

onto you at the last minute or maybe

they ask you for something that is not

reasonable at the close of business say

the same thing I'm happy to take on this

additional project I can fit it in next

week let's sit down and look at my

calendar together and you can help me

rep prioritize what I can deemphasize so

remember to clearly communicate and

assert what the boundary is but do it in

a professional manner this next tip is

for self-preservation and this is

something that you should get into the

habit of doing anyway even if you're not

working for a toxic boss but in

particular when you are working for a

toxic boss you want to make sure that

you're documenting everything so

recording any displayed demonstration of

toxic Behavior you want to take a note

of it when it happened what the date was

if there was any Witnesses and if you

have any direct conversations with your

boss and there's a commitment that comes

out of it you certainly want to document

that and you want to send them a

follow-up email to make sure that they

know exactly what you've committed to

and what the timeline is for it the deal

here is that you're essentially managing

upward you want to let the boss know

that you are taking your job very

seriously and if you find yourself

behind closed doors with say a human

resources rep you want to make sure that

you've got very detailed and concise

notes and this is essentially evidence

that you would be using to support your

cause because toxic bosses don't often

like when people stand up to them you

just want to make sure that you've got

that in your back pocket next thing you

might want to do is seek out some

support from trusted colleagues or

mentors now this one can be kind of

sticky so be careful here because you

don't want to go to a co-worker the same

level as you and start venting

inevitably the boss will end up finding

out about it and it could get you in

even more hot water but if there's a

trusted Mentor at that boss's level or

maybe even higher you might want to go

in and just ask them for their opinion

on what's the best way to manage this

difficult situation or if you want the

safer route find somebody outside of the

organization that is at a more senior

level that can give you some advice on

how to handle this particular person but

again just know that this does come with

some risk that your boss could end up

finding out about it and it could cause

you some more grief but at the end of

the day it might be worth having a

senior Ally on your side just hopefully

they can keep the confidence another

possible option if you don't feel like

you've got any close confidence or a

trusted Mentor in your organization you

could always tap into the employer EAP

program in a lot of cases the HR

department will have a program called

the EAP now the EAP is anonymous the

human resources department does not find

out the details of why people are

calling into it and it might give you a

chance to talk to somebody that's

neutral but it might be a little bit

generic and if the toxic behavior is

particularly bad and you're starting to

notice that it's impacting your

performance in other words boss is

writing you up boss is affecting your

performance appraisals and things like

that then it might be worth having a

closed door meeting with human resources

but I would only use this as a last

resort if you feel like you've got no

other options and the boss is targeting

you for quiet firing and if you're not

sure what quiet firing is I actually

made another video about that as well

I'll leave a link at the very end of

this video you can check that one out

too but just know that going to HR will

be a very big escalation and know that

your boss will be aware of it because

the HR department will likely be

conducting an investigation so in other

words they'll probably call the boss

into the office with a list of these

questions they'll start to ask them did

you do this did you say that they might

ask other Witnesses and they'll go

through an entire thing and whether or

not that'll be a positive outcome for

you will be determined by what human

resources discovers and I've seen it

both ways sometimes the bus truly is

toxic and human resources does address

it or unfortunately I've seen it go

south where the employee suddenly has a

Target on their back so just use your

judgment trust your gut and I would only

do this in an absolute Last Resort of

course the last resort is if you feel

like you might be wanting to quit your

job as a result of it because that would

be a constructive discharge at that

point in time where the employer is

making it so uncomfortable for you that

you're essentially being forced to leave

in a lot of cases that can be illegal

and can be considered a toxic workplace

and if you're to that point you have

nothing to lose by going into the Human

Resources office and then addressing it

before you leave furthermore if it's

really toxic and you feel like you're

being unfairly targeted and you decide

to exit the business it may be worth

talking to an employment attorney in

your area to see what your options are

now keep in mind it's very hard to prove

that you're in this situation so keep

really good notes and let the attorney

determine what the best way is to help

you and to that end nothing in this

video should be construed as legal

advice because if you're truly in a

toxic situation and you don't know what

to do about it a competent labor

attorney can help help you look at your

options and keep in mind quitting your

job is the absolute Last Resort and it's

not something that I generally recommend

for people normally we can work through

a lot of these issues often is a

communication problem that you have with

your boss but if it's truly bad it might

be time for you to update your resume

and start to look for alternative

employment opportunities and the final

thing I'd recommend is working on

self-care take the time that you need to

clear your head spend time in nature get

away from the workplace as best you can

try to compartmentalize and leave it

behind and try to to focus on other

things that get your mind off of it

because often times doing things that

help you reduce your stress can give you

Clarity on what you should do next in

your situation so don't underestimate

the importance of self-preservation

self-care but if you do find yourself

looking for your next opportunity that's

actually something that I specialize in

I've got a website called a life after

layoff.com and it's loaded with tips and

tricks all from a recruiting Insider

perspective share my deepest and most

intimate knowledge in the formis some

training courses the first one and

probably the most important for most

active job Seekers is that resume and we

want to learn how to write our own resum

because it's the most important document

that you have in your career and that's

why I created a course called resumé

Rocket Fuel which is designed to teach

you exactly how to write a resume step

by step I take you through the entire

process you actually watch me write my

own I give you the template that I use

and it's a very robust course but once

you get your foot in the door to get

that first round interview then it's up

to you to Market yourself throughout the

rest of the interviewing process that's

where the ultimate jobseeker boot camp

comes in we go through each round of the

interview process give you tips

techniques and then ultimately hopefully

get you to that job offer once you get

to that job offer we make sure that you

don't leave a dime on the table and of

course if you want to skip the recruit

alog together that's the preferable

method of getting into the interview

process and that's where unlocking

LinkedIn comes in so if you're not

leveraging targeted networking that's an

absolute game Cher for you so check out

that course as well and if you're

somebody that's really struggling with

the toxic situation I do offer some

limited private one-on-one coaching

again it's not construed as legal advice

but I can give you a different

perspective from Human Resources side

and some strategy that you might want to

apply in order to navigate it more

successfully of course you can reach me

through my website for that anyway

hopefully this video is helpful and

you're not dealing with this super toxic

situation but if you are I'm here to

help appreciate you watching we'll see

you on the next one