A 3-Step Guide to Believing in Yourself | Sheryl Lee Ralph | TED
Summary
TLDRIn this inspiring speech, Sheryl Lee Ralph, a celebrated actress and singer, recounts her journey to winning the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in 'Abbott Elementary.' She emphasizes the importance of self-belief, drawing on her experiences of overcoming racial prejudice and professional rejection. Ralph encourages the audience to see, think, and act upon their self-worth, highlighting the power of persistence and self-confidence in the face of adversity.
Takeaways
- 🏆 Sheryl Lee Ralph won an Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actress in a comedy for her role in 'Abbott Elementary'.
- 🎤 She emphasizes the importance of not singing a 'victim song' and being proud of one's identity as a woman and an artist.
- 🎬 Her career started with a film directed by Sidney Poitier and was followed by a decade of rejections before her Broadway success in 'Dreamgirls'.
- 🤔 Sheryl encourages self-reflection and the importance of believing in oneself despite facing numerous 'no's and moments of doubt.
- 💪 She highlights the need for mental health checkups and reframing our thinking to foster self-belief, especially in challenging times.
- 👀 The first step to self-belief is seeing ourselves truly and deeply for who and what we are, as illustrated by her childhood experience.
- 🧠 The second step is thinking about ourselves positively, as demonstrated by Sheryl's response to a demeaning comment from a Hollywood casting director.
- 💃 The third step is acting like we believe in ourselves, which can create possibilities that would not exist without self-belief.
- 📺 Sheryl shares her story of advocating for diversity in 'Designing Women' and getting cast as Anthony's wife, showing the power of self-belief in action.
- 🔄 She challenges the audience to practice self-love and respect, and to empower themselves if they cannot yet love what they see in the mirror.
- 🚫 Finally, Sheryl ends with a powerful message to never give up on oneself and to believe in the power of self-belief.
Q & A
What significant event did Sheryl Lee Ralph mention in her speech?
-Sheryl Lee Ralph mentioned winning the Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actress in a comedy for her role as Mrs. Barbara Howard on 'Abbott Elementary' on September 12th, 2022.
How did Sheryl Lee Ralph describe her initial reaction to winning the Emmy Award?
-Sheryl Lee Ralph described her initial reaction as being 'shooketh into disbelief' and feeling stunned, to the point where she didn't know how she got up on stage.
What personal anecdote from Sheryl Lee Ralph's childhood did she share in her speech?
-Sheryl Lee Ralph shared an anecdote from her childhood when she was the only Black person in her third-grade class at a private school and was subjected to racial slurs and isolation.
What advice did Sheryl Lee Ralph's mother give her to cope with racial discrimination at school?
-Her mother advised her to look at herself in the mirror and not to see the racial slurs directed at her, but to believe in her own worth and to let the ignorance of others bounce off her.
What Broadway musical did Sheryl Lee Ralph star in that became an iconic musical of the '80s?
-Sheryl Lee Ralph starred in 'Dreamgirls', which became an iconic musical of the 1980s.
What was the impact of the Hollywood casting director's comments on Sheryl Lee Ralph's self-belief?
-The casting director's comments initially hurt Sheryl Lee Ralph, but she reframed his words to build herself up, believing that she deserved to be cast in movies with leading actors like Tom Cruise.
What is the significance of the phrase 'rubber, glue' in Sheryl Lee Ralph's speech?
-The phrase 'rubber, glue' is a saying used by Sheryl Lee Ralph's mother to teach her to let negative comments bounce off her and not affect her self-worth.
What three things did Sheryl Lee Ralph suggest we must do to believe in ourselves?
-Sheryl Lee Ralph suggested that we must see ourselves truly, think about ourselves positively, and act like we believe in ourselves in order to foster self-belief.
How did Sheryl Lee Ralph's encounter with Harry Thomason lead to a role on 'Designing Women'?
-Sheryl Lee Ralph approached Harry Thomason and questioned the lack of a Black woman in a relationship with Anthony on 'Designing Women'. This led to her being cast as Etienne Toussaint Bouvier in the final season of the show.
What challenge did Sheryl Lee Ralph issue to the audience at the end of her speech?
-Sheryl Lee Ralph challenged the audience to start a meaningful practice of looking in the mirror and loving, respecting, encouraging, empowering, or being kind to what they see, as a way of building self-belief.
What acronym does Sheryl Lee Ralph use to represent the highest achievements in the entertainment industry?
-Sheryl Lee Ralph uses the acronym 'EGOT' to represent winning an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony, which are considered the highest achievements in the entertainment industry.
Outlines
🏆 Triumph Over Adversity
Sheryl Lee Ralph reflects on her journey to winning the Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actress in a comedy series, portraying Mrs. Barbara Howard on 'Abbott Elementary.' She expresses her initial disbelief and shock at winning and takes a trip down memory lane, recounting her first movie directed by Sidney Poitier, the subsequent years of rejection, and her eventual success on Broadway with 'Dreamgirls.' She emphasizes the importance of self-belief, especially in the face of numerous 'no's and moments of doubt, and acknowledges the current challenges people face, including the pandemic, political division, and social issues, which make it difficult to maintain faith in oneself and the world.
💡 The Power of Self-Reflection
In this paragraph, Sheryl Lee Ralph discusses the importance of self-reflection and belief in oneself. She shares her childhood experience as a Black student in a predominantly white private school and the lessons her Jamaican mother taught her about self-worth and resilience. Ralph also talks about the power of thinking and how a hurtful comment from a Hollywood casting director led her to think critically about her place in the industry. She encourages the audience to see themselves clearly, to think about their self-worth, and to believe in their abilities, regardless of external opinions or challenges.
🚀 Acting on Self-Belief
Sheryl Lee Ralph continues her narrative by stressing the importance of acting on one's self-belief. She recounts a pivotal moment when she advocated for diversity in a TV show, leading to her casting. Ralph illustrates how believing in oneself and taking action can create opportunities that seemed impossible before. She shares her journey of self-empowerment, from overcoming the limitations set by others to envisioning a future where she could achieve the prestigious EGOT status. She ends this section with a challenge to the audience to practice self-love and self-belief, emphasizing that the most significant relationship one can have is with oneself.
🌟 Embracing Self-Love and Persistence
In the final paragraph, Sheryl Lee Ralph concludes her speech with a heartfelt message of self-love and perseverance. She encourages the audience to maintain a practice of self-reflection and self-appreciation, suggesting that if one cannot love their reflection, they should respect, encourage, empower, or at least be kind to it. Ralph reinforces the idea that self-belief can mend broken wings and allow individuals to soar. She leaves the audience with a reminder to never give up on themselves, expressing her love for them just as they are, and ends with a song about believing in oneself.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Endangered species
💡Emmy Award
💡Self-belief
💡Rejection
💡Iconic
💡Doubt
💡Mental health
💡Confidence
💡EGOT
💡Perseverance
💡Self-love
Highlights
Sheryl Lee Ralph's powerful message of self-belief and overcoming challenges, rooted in her Emmy win for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy for 'Abbott Elementary'.
The significance of Ralph's Emmy win, marking her first time at the Emmys and how she was overwhelmed by the moment.
Ralph reflects on her early career struggles, including years of rejection before finding success on Broadway in 'Dreamgirls'.
A powerful life lesson: Ralph contemplates how different her life would have been if she had given up after facing numerous 'no's'.
Ralph emphasizes the importance of believing in oneself, even during challenging times marked by political division, social violence, and other global issues.
The importance of mental health: Ralph stresses that this is a rough time and that we all need to take care of our mental well-being.
Ralph shares a personal story from her childhood, highlighting the racial challenges she faced and how her mother helped her see her own worth.
A pivotal moment in Ralph's career: A casting director's dismissive remarks led her to recognize her value, ultimately fueling her determination to succeed in Hollywood.
Ralph advises the audience to think critically about themselves, a lesson she learned from her father's simple yet powerful advice: 'Think.'
Ralph recounts her bold move in Hollywood, which led to her being cast in the final season of 'Designing Women'.
Ralph's mantra: 'Act like you believe in yourself,' emphasizing that self-belief can create opportunities that wouldn't otherwise exist.
Ralph's encouragement to take up space and believe in one's right to belong, regardless of external opinions.
Ralph challenges the audience to start a meaningful practice of self-reflection, self-love, and self-respect.
Ralph's closing challenge: To see oneself, believe in oneself, and never give up, as the greatest relationship one will ever have is with oneself.
Ralph's final, uplifting message: 'Believe in yourself as I believe in you,' leaving the audience with a powerful affirmation.
Transcripts
(Singing) I am an endangered species
(Applause and cheers)
But I sing no victim song.
I am a woman.
I am an artist.
And I know
where my voice ...
belongs.
(Applause and cheers)
Now, you might have heard me sing that song.
It was September 12th, 2022,
right after Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers said,
"And the winner is,
Sheryl Lee Ralph!"
What!?
I had just won the Emmy Award
for Best Supporting Actress in a comedy
for my role as Mrs. Barbara Howard
on your favorite TV show, "Abbott Elementary."
(Cheers)
Oh, yes.
And I was shocked.
As the children would say, shooketh into disbelief.
Oh, my goodness, it was my first time at the Emmys and I won.
Yes!
And I got to tell you,
in that moment,
I was so stunned into disbelief
that I don't know how I got up on the stage.
There I was, just listening to that roar of applause.
Mm mm mm.
And my whole career flashed right there in front of me.
Starting with 19-year-old Sheryl Lee in her first movie
being directed by the great Sidney Poitier.
Oh, yeah, you can clap that.
(Applause)
Followed by ten years of “no” after “no” after “no.”
Before the next film role came about.
But I filled in that time with TV
and more "nos" and more rejection
until I made it big on Broadway
in what has become the iconic musical of the '80s,
because I say so,
(Laughter)
"Dreamgirls."
(Applause)
And boy, did I learn a lot of life lessons there.
And I mean, after so many moments of doubt, disbelief,
there I was, on that Emmy stage,
with this huge sign in front of me flashing
"Stop now," "Stop now," "Stop now."
And I started to think,
“My God, what if I had stopped after all of those ‘nos?’
What if I had stopped after all of those moments of feeling defeated?
What if I had stopped?"
I wouldn't be standing there
for that golden moment.
But right now,
many of us, we are feeling ...
deeply challenged
trying to hold on
and believe in ourselves,
and I do not mean in a toxic way.
I am talking about a way that comes from confidence,
the kind of confidence that can keep us moving forward
when we are feeling
like we are carrying the weight of the pandemic,
trying to figure out all of this political division,
fighting all of the mental, physical, social violence in our homes,
in our communities,
to climate change, social media.
It's a lot.
Making it hard to believe in the goodness in the world.
And harder still to believe in the goodness of ourselves.
This is a rough time, people, and our mental health is suffering.
We all need a checkup from the neck up.
(Laughter)
And I don't mean -- yeah, it's OK.
You feel me, thank you.
(Applause)
And I don't mean just medicine.
I actually mean reframing our thinking
of our ability to believe in ourselves.
Now I know,
you see me on TV, in magazines, on movie screens,
and you might be thinking to yourself,
"What does she know about struggling to believe in herself?"
Well, let me tell you something.
I do not look like my journey.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
Oh, I've been through a few things.
And the struggle is real.
But I have learned something in my life.
That there are three things that we all must do
in order to believe in ourselves.
Number one.
First, we need to see ourselves.
I mean, really, truly,
deeply see ourselves for who and what we are
in order to believe in ourselves.
I’m a child of the ’60s, and that was hard.
Oh.
In the third grade,
I tested out of public school into a fancy private school
where the only Black person I saw every day
was the one who looked back at me in the mirror.
I was by myself, and I was all alone.
And the things that were said to me,
and I'm not talking about just the kids,
but the adults, too.
And when I would come home from school crying the ugly cry,
my immigrant Jamaican mother would sit me down in front of the mirror
and ask me,
"Do you see an N-word?
Do you see a liar?
Do you see a big-lip monkey?
No!
So dry your eyes.
And when you go back to school, remember,
you are rubber,
they are glue.
And every ignorant thing they say about you
bounces off of you and sticks to them."
(Applause)
And I believed her.
And it didn't hurt.
So much.
Because I believed.
Number two.
We've got to think.
Think about ourselves in order to believe in ourselves.
Growing up, my dad had a sign on his desk.
And it said, "Think."
"Think."
Oh, I did not know how valuable and powerful
the simple act of thinking was
until I came back to Hollywood from my triumphant run on Broadway,
and I had this meeting with a big studio Hollywood casting director.
Oh, I was so excited.
I walked in and he looked at me and he said,
"Hm.
Everybody knows you're a beautiful, talented Black girl.
But what do I do with a beautiful, talented Black girl?
Do I put you in a movie with Tom Cruise?
Does he kiss you? Ugh.
Who goes to see that movie?"
(Laughs)
I could not believe
that that man had just said that to me, to my face.
And he hurt me.
He hurt me so deeply,
I was actually thinking about quitting.
Until ...
I started to think.
And I thought about what he said.
He said that everybody knew
that I was a beautiful, talented Black girl.
(Laughter)
(Cheers and applause)
And that I deserve to be cast in movies with the likes of Tom Cruise,
and he should kiss me.
(Applause)
(Laughs)
So what was meant to break me did not break me, it built me up.
I believed that man, I believed what he said.
And I walked out of there giving myself permission to take up space in Hollywood,
knowing that I belonged there
no matter what anybody thought about me.
(Cheers and applause)
Thirdly.
We've got to act like we believe in ourselves.
Oh, yeah.
Because when we believe in ourselves and act on it,
we create possibilities that never would have been possible
had we not just believed.
OK, so I will tell you another story.
I will never forget walking into one of those crowded Hollywood rooms,
and I see Harry Thomason, producer Harry Thomason,
who is married to Linda Bloodworth-Thomason,
writer, creator of the series "Designing Women."
I walk right up to Harry and I say,
"How can it be, that after all of these years
Anthony has not had a relationship with a Black woman?
After all, the show takes place in Atlanta,
Georgia."
(Laughter)
He looked at me, took a step back
and said, "Who are you?"
I said, "I'm Sheryl Lee Ralph."
And he said, "OK.
Have your people call my people
and we will see what we can do."
And guess what happened?
(Laughter)
I got cast as Etienne Toussaint Bouvier,
Las Vegas showgirl turned Anthony's wife
for the final season of "Designing Women."
(Cheers and applause)
Oh, yeah.
Against all odds, once again,
I gave myself permission to take up space,
believing that I belonged.
I believed that if Sheryl Lee did the work of honing her craft,
building solid relationships
and stayed ready so she didn't have to get ready,
anything was possible.
Heck, winning an Emmy.
A Grammy.
An Oscar.
A Tony.
EGOT it, baby.
(Cheering)
So ...
When you leave this room today,
I challenge all of you to start a meaningful practice
of looking in the mirror
and loving what you see.
Believe in what you see.
If you can't love it, then respect it.
And if you can't respect it, then encourage it.
If you can't encourage it, empower it.
And if you can't empower it, please be kind to it.
(Applause)
The greatest relationship,
the greatest one you will ever have
is with yourself.
Believe me.
Have faith in yourself.
Believing that faith can make broken wings fly.
And we deserve to soar.
Remember,
maybe one of these days when you pass the mirror
and you catch a glimpse of yourself,
remember, I told you this.
That is what believing looks like.
And don't you ever, ever,
ever give up on you.
I am Sheryl Lee Ralph,
and I love you just the way you are.
(Singing) Believe in yourself
As I believe in you
Thank you.
(Cheers and applause)
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