The Only Skill You Need To Get Ahead of 99% of People

Summary

This video explores the importance of delaying gratification as a key factor in achieving long-term success. Through the famous Marshmallow Test and subsequent studies, it demonstrates how the ability to resist immediate temptations can lead to better outcomes in life, such as higher grades, better health, and improved social skills. The video also provides practical advice on how to train yourself to delay gratification by setting conditions and limits, ultimately encouraging viewers to make choices today that will benefit them in the future.

Takeaways

• 🚀 Separate yourself from the crowd to achieve top 1% success.
• 🎓 The Marshmallow Test by Walter Mischel highlighted the importance of delaying gratification.
• 🍬 Children who delayed eating a marshmallow had better life outcomes.
• 📈 Delayed gratification leads to higher grades, better health, and more success.
• ⏳ The ability to delay gratification is not innate but can be developed.
• 🔄 Trust and reliable experiences influence the ability to delay gratification.
• 🧠 Our brains are wired for instant gratification, making it challenging.
• 💡 Self-negotiation and setting conditions can help manage gratification.
• ⚖️ Balance instant and delayed gratification to avoid extreme behaviors.
• 🏀 Pursue activities that offer both instant and delayed rewards for long-term success.

Q & A

What is the main argument presented in the video?

The main argument is that delaying gratification is a key skill that separates successful individuals from the average. By resisting immediate pleasures and focusing on long-term goals, one can achieve greater success in various life domains.

What is the Marshmallow Test, and what does it demonstrate?

The Marshmallow Test was a psychological experiment conducted by Walter Mischel in 1970. It involved giving children the choice to eat one marshmallow immediately or wait 15 minutes to receive two marshmallows. The test demonstrated that children who could delay gratification tended to achieve more success in life, including higher grades, better health, and improved social skills.

How does the ability to delay gratification relate to success in life?

The ability to delay gratification is linked to success because it involves making long-term decisions that lead to better outcomes. For example, saving money instead of spending it immediately can lead to financial security, and choosing healthy habits over indulgent ones can lead to better health.

Is the ability to delay gratification an inborn trait?

No, the ability to delay gratification is not an inborn trait. The Rochester University study showed that it can be influenced by external factors, such as reliable or unreliable experiences with researchers. This means it can be trained and improved over time.

What are some strategies to improve the ability to delay gratification?

One strategy is to set conditions and limits for yourself, such as only allowing yourself to watch TV after completing your daily tasks. Pairing instant gratification with delayed gratification, like watching TV while on a treadmill, can also help improve this skill.

Why is it difficult for most people to delay gratification?

It's difficult because our brains are hardwired to seek instant gratification, and the environment around us often promotes quick pleasures. Large corporations design products and services to be instantly gratifying, making it challenging to resist temptations.

Can delaying gratification too much be problematic?

Yes, taking delayed gratification to an extreme can lead to no gratification at all, which is not desirable. The goal is to control desires and keep them in check, not to eliminate enjoyment altogether.

How can someone balance instant and delayed gratification effectively?

By setting conditions and limits for indulging in pleasurable activities, one can enjoy them as a reward for discipline and hard work. Additionally, finding activities that provide both instant and long-term rewards, such as playing sports with friends, can make this balance easier.

What is the long-term impact of small daily choices related to gratification?

Small daily choices, such as skipping or doing a workout, may not have immediate visible effects but accumulate over time to significantly impact one's success. These choices are what eventually separate high performers from the rest.

What is the overall message of the video regarding delayed gratification?

The overall message is to resist instant temptations and focus on long-term goals. By making deliberate choices each day that favor delayed gratification, individuals can achieve greater success and improve their lives over time.

Outlines

00:00

🎯 The Power of Doing Things Differently

This paragraph introduces the concept of striving for success by standing out from the crowd. It highlights the importance of doing things differently to be part of the top 1% in life. The script then transitions to discussing the Marshmallow Test, a famous psychological study conducted by Walter Mischel at Stanford University in 1970. The study explored delayed gratification and its critical role in achieving success across various life domains, such as health, finances, and relationships. The ability to delay gratification is presented as a key factor that separates successful individuals from the average.

05:01

🍭 The Marshmallow Test and Its Implications

This paragraph details the Marshmallow Test, where children were given a choice to eat one marshmallow immediately or wait 15 minutes to receive two. The study's long-term follow-up revealed that children who delayed gratification generally achieved better life outcomes, including higher academic performance, better health, and stronger social skills. The paragraph also introduces the idea that delayed gratification leads to long-term success, while giving in to immediate desires often results in average outcomes. It emphasizes the importance of thinking long-term to get ahead in life.

10:02

🔄 Delayed Gratification: A Learnable Skill

The discussion moves to a follow-up study at Rochester University that challenged the notion that delayed gratification is an innate trait. The study revealed that children's behavior could be influenced by the reliability of their environment. Those who experienced dependable researchers were more likely to wait for the second marshmallow, showing that delayed gratification is not purely inborn but can be cultivated through consistent and reliable experiences. This suggests that individuals can train themselves to prioritize long-term rewards over immediate pleasures.

🛠️ Strategies for Practicing Delayed Gratification

This paragraph offers practical advice on how to develop delayed gratification without completely foregoing enjoyment. It introduces the concept of setting conditions and limits, such as allowing oneself to watch a TV show only after completing daily tasks or limiting the number of episodes watched per week. This 'self-negotiation' is likened to self-parenting, where one sets rules for themselves to balance work and reward. The key takeaway is that controlling desires is achievable through small, manageable changes in behavior.

🏀 Finding Balance with Dual-Gratification Activities

Here, the script explores activities that offer both instant and delayed gratification, such as playing basketball with friends, which provides immediate enjoyment and long-term health benefits. The paragraph encourages finding such dual-purpose activities that align with personal preferences. It also suggests pairing instant and delayed gratifications, like watching TV only while exercising, to make long-term rewards more accessible and enjoyable. This approach helps create a positive association with delayed gratification.

⏳ The Long-Term Impact of Small Choices

The final paragraph underscores the importance of daily choices in shaping long-term success. It cautions against complacency, noting that the consequences of both good and bad habits accumulate over time. The paragraph encourages readers to resist immediate temptations and focus on consistent, disciplined actions. It emphasizes that today's choices have a delayed but significant impact on future success, urging a commitment to delayed gratification to ensure continued progress and avoid the pitfalls of mediocrity.

Keywords

💡Delayed Gratification

Delayed gratification refers to the ability to resist the temptation of an immediate reward in favor of a larger or more enduring reward later. In the video, this concept is exemplified by the Marshmallow Test, where children who waited for a second marshmallow were found to be more successful later in life. The video argues that mastering delayed gratification is essential for achieving success in various life domains such as health, finance, and personal development.

💡Marshmallow Test

The Marshmallow Test is a psychological experiment conducted by Walter Mischel in the 1970s, where children were given the choice to eat one marshmallow immediately or wait 15 minutes to receive two marshmallows. The study found that children who were able to wait for the second marshmallow tended to have better life outcomes, such as higher academic achievement and healthier lifestyles. The video uses this experiment to illustrate the importance of delayed gratification in achieving long-term success.

💡Instant Gratification

Instant gratification is the desire to experience pleasure or fulfillment without delay. The video discusses how our brains are naturally inclined to seek instant rewards, which can lead to poor decision-making and long-term consequences. The video emphasizes that while instant gratification may be tempting, it often leads to mediocre results, contrasting it with the benefits of delayed gratification.

💡Self-Discipline

Self-discipline is the ability to control one's impulses, emotions, and behaviors to achieve long-term goals. The video highlights self-discipline as a critical skill for delaying gratification and achieving success. By setting conditions and limits, individuals can practice self-discipline, making it easier to resist immediate temptations and focus on long-term rewards.

💡Self-Negotiation

Self-negotiation refers to the practice of setting conditions and limits for oneself in order to manage desires and actions effectively. The video explains that self-negotiation is like self-parenting, where you make deals with yourself, such as allowing a reward only after completing certain tasks. This approach helps build the habit of delayed gratification while still allowing for enjoyment in moderation.

💡Long-Term Thinking

Long-term thinking involves planning and making decisions based on the potential future outcomes rather than immediate satisfaction. The video emphasizes that successful individuals are those who think long-term, whether it’s in saving money, maintaining health, or pursuing education. Long-term thinking is presented as a key factor that separates high achievers from the average person.

💡Trust

Trust is the belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something. In the context of the video, trust was a significant factor in the replicated Marshmallow Test at Rochester University. Children who had reliable experiences with researchers were more likely to delay gratification, suggesting that trust in the environment or the people around us can influence our ability to wait for better rewards.

💡Sacrifice

Sacrifice is the act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy. The video suggests that to achieve long-term success, individuals must often sacrifice immediate pleasures or comforts. This sacrifice, often in the form of delayed gratification, is necessary to build a better future and reach high levels of achievement.

💡Environment

Environment refers to the external conditions and influences that affect an individual's ability to make decisions, including the ability to delay gratification. The video points out that modern environments are filled with temptations designed to provide instant gratification, making it challenging for people to focus on long-term goals. The video argues that while one cannot change the environment, one can change their response to it.

💡Long-Term Rewards

Long-term rewards are the benefits that are realized over an extended period of time, as opposed to immediate satisfaction. The video illustrates that those who can delay gratification and make sacrifices today are more likely to enjoy substantial long-term rewards, such as financial security, good health, and personal success. These rewards are contrasted with the fleeting pleasure of instant gratification, which often leads to suboptimal outcomes.

Highlights

To stand out and achieve success, you need to do things differently from the majority.

The Marshmallow Test revealed that the ability to delay gratification is a key factor in achieving long-term success.

Children who could wait for the second marshmallow showed higher academic performance and better health in later life.

Delayed gratification isn't an inborn trait; it can be developed and influenced by external factors.

Creating conditions and limits for enjoying rewards can help in mastering delayed gratification.

Self-negotiation, similar to self-parenting, is a strategy to manage desires and enforce discipline.

Pairing instant and delayed gratification activities can make pursuing long-term goals more enjoyable.

Successful people often delay gratification in the early stages to enjoy greater rewards later.

The results of your efforts are delayed, so today’s choices will determine tomorrow’s success or failure.

Avoid the trap of indulging in instant gratification after achieving success; it can lead to future mediocrity.

The path to success involves resisting cheap temptations and focusing on long-term goals.

Activities that offer both instant and delayed gratification are the best pursuits for sustainable success.

Building the skill of delaying gratification requires consistency and self-discipline over time.

Corporations design products and services to cater to instant gratification, making it harder to resist.

Even small, consistent actions today can lead to significant differences in outcomes over time.

Transcripts

If you're a regular viewer of this channel, you  probably have aspirations to do well in life.

However, to do that, you need to  separate yourself from the crowd.

After all, if you do what 99% of people do,  you'll just get the same results as 99% of people.

But if you want to be in the top 1%, you  have to do things a little differently. 

And there's a skill I'm going to share with you  

that absolutely needs to be developed  and mastered in order to achieve that.

First we need to go back to the year  1970, where a Stanford professor named 

Walter Mischel conducted one of the  most famous psychological studies.

Through this experiment, Mischel and his  team stumbled upon what I believe is one 

of the most important factors required  to achieve success in any life domain.

Whether it's related to health,  money, work, or relationships.

This one factor is what separates  the successful from the average joe.

The experiment went like this:

The researchers enrolled children  aged between 4 and 5 years old,

and sat them down individually in a private room.

Then a marshmallow was presented  and placed in front of each child.

The researcher told the child that  she's going to briefly leave the room,

but that she'll be back soon.

But before she left, she gave the child a choice. She told them:

"You can eat the marshmallow now. Or...

if you don't eat it until I come  back, you can have another one."

The researcher then left the room and made  the child wait for roughly 15 minutes.

It was a seemingly simple choice to make.

One marshmallow right away,  or two marshmallows later.

But when you're 5 years old,  this is equal to torture.

Many children ate the marshmallow the  moment the researcher left the room.

Others resisted for a while, bouncing in  their chair, trying to restrain themselves,

but eventually gave in to  temptation just minutes later.

However a select few managed to wait  for the whole 15 minutes and they were

able to enjoy 2 marshmallows  once the researcher returned.

This experiment was later  known as the Marshmallow Test.

But this isn't where it ended. The interesting part came years later.

As the children grew up, the researchers  followed up on them to see where they ended up. 

They tracked them for over 40 years  and the results were fascinating.

The children who were willing to  wait for the whole 15 minutes,

instead of giving into their temptations  right away, ended up having higher grades,

were less likely to abuse drugs, were  healthier and less likely to become obese,

had better social skills, and performed  better in a multitude of other life areas.

The answer was conclusive. The children who were able

to delay gratification, were  the ones who got ahead in life.

And if you think about it, it makes perfect sense.

If you're able to save a portion of  your income, rather than spend it all

on luxuries and immediate wants, you'll  save more money and you can retire earlier.

If you opt for healthy foods and exercise, rather  than indulging in a lazy and unhealthy lifestyle,

you'll feel better over the long run.

If you study diligently and read more books,

instead of opting for the quick fix  of scrolling through social media,

you'll be smarter and have  more options in the future.

There are many more examples,  but basically it shows that

thinking long term, instead of short  term, will get you further in life.

But wait a minute. The participants of

the Marshmallow Test were children. And if the ones who waited for the  

2nd marshmallow became successful, all the  while those who didn't wait became average,

wouldn't that mean that the  ability to delay gratification

is actually a pre-determined trait  that we're either born with or not?

We actually got the answer to  this question through another

study that took place at Rochester university.

They tried to replicate the Marshmallow  Test, but they added a little twist.

Before being offered the marshmallow,

each child had a few extra experiences  with the researcher beforehand.

One group of children was exposed to unreliable  experiences and undependable researchers.

For example, they gave the child some stickers,  and then promised to bring them a bigger and

better selection of stickers.

But they never did.

Or they gave the child a small box of crayons,

and promised to bring them a bigger one later. Which again, they didn't do.

All the while, the other group of children had

very reliable experiences  and dependable researchers.

The bigger box of crayons? They got it. Better stickers? They received them.

And you can guess how these experiences  impacted the following Marshmallow Test.

The children in the unreliable group  had no reason to trust the researcher. 

They didn't believe he would  bring them a second marshmallow,

so they didn't wait very  long to eat the first one.

On the other hand, the children in the  reliable group saw the opposite result. 

They trusted the researcher, so they waited an  average four times longer than the other group.

Just a few minutes of reliable  or unreliable experiences were  

enough to change the actions of  each child in either direction.

This also means that the ability to delay  gratification isn't a pre-determined inborn trait,

but can be influenced by other factors. And we can actually train and improve

our ability to choose delayed  gratification over instant gratification.

Now make no mistake. There's a reason  why most people can't do it. It's hard.

Our brains are hardwired to seek  instant gratification after all.

We want the rewards as soon as possible.

If we're given a choice between:

eating a burger, scrolling on Instagram,  and watching Youtube videos, or,

eating a salad, reading a book, and building  a business, we'll gravitate to the former.

Delayed gratification simply isn't as enjoyable  in the moment. And it might take weeks, months,

or even years to see the potential rewards.

We'd much rather indulge in things and  activities that give us instant pleasure.

Large corporations know this, and  it's why everything is designed

to be as instantly gratifying  and as addictive as possible.

So it's no wonder that most people have  a hard time delaying gratification.

The environment is working against them.

But while that might sound grim, it's also an  opportunity for you to get massively ahead.

You might not be able to change the  world, but you can change yourself.

If most people are hooked onto instant  gratification, all you have to do is

look past those impulsive pleasures and  focus on the vision of a better future.

So how can you train and improve your ability  to delay gratification in order to get ahead?

First I just want to clarify that I'm not saying

you shouldn't enjoy anything  anymore. You definitely should.

It becomes problematic when delayed  gratification is taken to extreme,

as it results in no gratification at all. Which in all likelihood, is not what you want.

Rather, you probably want to be able to  control your desires and keep them in check.

Which is more than doable.

You just need to set some conditions  and create limits for yourself.

So for example let's say you've heard  about a brand new Netflix series that's

apparently really good. You decide to watch it

But you don't just binge watch the whole  thing and feel like crap afterwards.

No. You set some conditions. 

You can only watch it after  you've done everything on

your to-do list for that day and only after 7pm.

Also, you set some limits.

You can only watch 1 episode per day  and a maximum of 5 episodes per week.

The conditions are what needs to happen  before you can enjoy the activity,

while limits are how long and  how often you can enjoy it.

And this small tweak makes all the difference. You still get to enjoy the thing, but rather than

it being an impulsive choice, it's a reward  for your patience, discipline and hard work.

Basically what this is, is  self-negotiation. Kind of like self-parenting.

Similar to how you would tell a child: 

"You can have the ice cream, but you  have to eat all the veggies first." 

It's the same principle, but you're  the adult talking to the child in you.

You can create your own restrictions and  adjust them depending on what you want.

They don't have to be drastic,

just something to show yourself that  you can follow up on your own promises.

So create some limits, give yourself a  condition to be met, and then deliver on it.

That's how you build the skill  of delaying gratification.

Just like the children and the  researchers in the Marshmallow Test did,

you promise something and  then you deliver on the promise.

However, not everything can be divided  into delayed or instant gratification.

Some activities actually  fall into both categories.

And these are the best pursuits you can have,

as they make getting those  delayed rewards almost effortless.

Playing basketball with your  friends can be such an activity.

You get to enjoy hanging out with friends, but  you also get the long term benefits of exercise.

Of course, not everyone will enjoy playing  basketball or hanging out with other people,

such preferences are different from person to person. That's why you need to find your own activities

that you enjoy in the moment and that  bring long term rewards at the same time.

The more you can find, the better, as it  makes delayed gratification infinitely easier.

But if there's nothing you can think  of that would fit both categories,

what you can do is try pairing instant and  delayed gratification together yourself.

For example:

Watching TV only while on the treadmill. Drinking coffee only when doing productive work.

Listening to music only when cleaning.

That pleasurable activity can serve as a way to  motivate yourself to start the harder activity. 

Not only that, but your brain will also  connect the two activities together,

assuming you only do them with each other.

I've done this myself, and one interesting  thing that happens is that you start to look

forward to delayed gratification, because you  know it will also bring instant gratification.

However, all of this does still require  some discipline or self negotiation, since

you have to rely on yourself not to overindulge. Most people make this mistake and what is supposed

to be a treat, becomes their primary activity. Basically they end up breaking a promise

to themselves, and they just end up just  watching TV, without using the treadmill.

Don't make this mistake, negotiate with  yourself and set some limits instead.

You might find that some successful people  don't seem to be delaying gratification at all,

and are just having the time of their life.

But don't be fooled, to get to where  they are, sacrifices had to be made.

They are able to enjoy the  fruits of their labour now,

because they delayed gratification in the past.

However, this can also be a  fatal trap for many people.

If you're experiencing success today and  you start partying daily or whatever, you

might remain successful for the next 5 years. But those actions will eventually catch up with you.

The results of your efforts  are always lagging behind.

You might be average today, but if you delay  gratification, you're on the path to success.

Or you might be successful today, but if  you just indulge in instant gratification,

you're on the path to mediocrity.

If you think about it, if you skip  a workout today, there won't be a

visible change to your body tomorrow. Neither will it be much different

if you actually go workout today. But when you extend either choice

over a longer period of time, that  one workout is all that matters.

So don't be discouraged if you don't see any  benefits of delayed gratification just yet.

Nor should you become care-free if you're  already enjoying the benefits and only 

indulging in instant gratification. Things can and will change.

Since the results of your actions are delayed,

it means that you're always  either progressing or regressing.

This is why all that matters are the actions  and the choices you make this very day.

Don't make the mistake of thinking  they don't make a difference.

Over an extended period of time, they are what  separates high performers from the rest.

So I urge you to resist those cheap temptations,

resist that one marshmallow,  and delay gratification instead.

Make the first step down that path today, and I assure you,

you will end up better than yesterday.