Why You Spend Time On Things You Don't Care About
Summary
TLDRDr. Tracey Marks emphasizes the importance of aligning thoughts, words, and actions for happiness, urging viewers to identify their core values. She suggests introspection to determine what truly matters, such as family, career, or spirituality, and to prioritize time and energy in these areas. Marks also highlights the impact of values on decision-making and resilience against negative feedback, illustrating her point with personal experiences, including overcoming online criticism to focus on her mission to educate about mental health.
Takeaways
- 😊 Happiness is achieved when your thoughts, words, and actions are in harmony, aligning with what truly matters to you.
- 🤔 To identify what matters most, reflect on your personal values and priorities. This clarity can help guide your decisions and actions.
- 💡 Knowing your values reduces vulnerability to external opinions and allows you to focus on what truly matters, rather than trying to please others.
- ⏳ Time is a fixed asset, so spending it wisely on things that align with your values leads to greater satisfaction and fulfillment.
- 📝 Regular introspection in various life domains—such as family, relationships, career, and health—can help prioritize what's most important to you.
- 👪 Evaluate your family and romantic relationships by considering the roles you want to play and the level of connection you desire.
- 🏆 Career decisions should be guided by personal values, such as the importance of success, work-life balance, and personal growth.
- 🙏 Spirituality and community involvement are important areas where people can find fulfillment and leave a positive impact.
- 💪 Health and well-being require deliberate effort to maintain and should align with your personal goals and priorities.
- 🔍 Reflecting on past fulfilling experiences can reveal which values and domains are most significant, guiding future choices and actions.
Q & A
What is the key to achieving happiness according to Mahatma Gandhi's quote mentioned in the script?
-Achieving happiness, as stated by Mahatma Gandhi, is about having harmony between what you think, say, and do. This involves focusing on things that matter to you and minimizing time spent on things that don't.
Why is it important to know your values according to Dr. Tracey Marks?
-Knowing your values is crucial because it helps you focus on what truly matters to you, which in turn can lead to a more fulfilling life. It also helps you to be less concerned about others' opinions and expectations.
How does not having clarified values affect one's life as per the script?
-If you haven't clarified your values, you might end up spending time on tasks and responsibilities that you don't care about, which can lead to a lack of satisfaction and a poor performance in areas that don't resonate with you.
What is the role of values in handling other people's opinions and expectations?
-Having a clear understanding of your values helps you to care less about other people's opinions and expectations, making their influence on you less significant.
Why is it necessary to focus on meaningful activities even when there are obligatory tasks to be done?
-Focusing on meaningful activities is necessary because the satisfaction derived from them can compensate for the time spent on obligatory tasks that may not be personally fulfilling.
How can knowing what matters most to you inform your decisions about career and other life aspects?
-Knowing what matters most to you can guide your decisions regarding the type of career to pursue, the activities you volunteer for, and what you choose to say no to, ensuring that your life aligns with your values.
What are the 10 common domains of values that Dr. Tracey Marks suggests introspecting on?
-The 10 common domains are family relationships, marriage and romantic relationships, parenting, friendships and social life, career and work, education and personal growth, recreation and leisure, spirituality, community, and health.
How does introspecting on the value of family relationships help in defining personal relationships?
-Introspecting on family relationships helps you determine the type of relationships you want to have with your family members, the level of contact you desire, and the roles you wish to play within the family.
What prompts does Dr. Tracey Marks suggest for evaluating the importance of marriage or romantic relationships?
-Dr. Marks suggests asking yourself about the kind of partner you want to be, your level of connection with your partner, and what you think is missing if you feel disconnected. For those not in a relationship, she prompts reflection on the desire for a partner and the steps being taken to achieve that.
How does focusing on the value of parenting influence one's approach to having children or being a parent?
-Focusing on parenting helps one determine their level of involvement in their children's lives, their satisfaction with their children's perceptions of them, and their priorities regarding parenthood, including potential adoption considerations.
What is the significance of reflecting on friendships and social life in understanding one's values?
-Reflecting on friendships and social life helps you understand the importance of having friends, the types of friendships you want, and the activities and efforts you are willing to invest to maintain these relationships.
How can introspecting on career and employment values impact one's professional life?
-Introspecting on career values helps you identify the type of work that matters to you, the amount of time you are willing to invest in it, and whether your professional aspirations align with climbing the corporate ladder or being self-employed.
Why is it important to consider educational and personal growth values?
-Considering educational and personal growth values is important as it helps you understand your desire for continuous learning and self-improvement, and how much you value personal development over time.
What prompts are suggested for evaluating the value of recreation and leisure in one's life?
-The prompts suggested include reflecting on what activities you do for enjoyment and relaxation, and how much priority you give to setting aside time for leisure versus indulging only during spare time.
How does introspecting on spirituality values affect one's life?
-Introspecting on spirituality values helps you understand the kind of relationship you want to have with a higher power, how much your spiritual beliefs affect your relationships, and whether similar beliefs are important in those close to you.
What is the significance of reflecting on community and citizenship values?
-Reflecting on community and citizenship values helps you determine how you want to contribute to your community, the extent of your desired influence, and the importance of leaving a legacy that benefits others.
Why is it important to consider health and wellbeing values?
-Considering health and wellbeing values is important as it helps you understand the effort you are willing to put into optimizing your health and the time you spend on health-promoting activities.
How can identifying the top five value areas help in assessing one's life priorities?
-Identifying the top five value areas helps in assessing life priorities by providing a clear view of where you spend most of your time and energy, and which areas are most fulfilling to you.
What is the method suggested by Dr. Tracey Marks for determining the most fulfilling domains in one's life?
-Dr. Marks suggests reflecting on moments when you felt the most fulfilled and identifying which domains were involved in those events, as a method for determining the most fulfilling aspects of one's life.
How has focusing on community value helped Dr. Tracey Marks deal with negative feedback?
-Focusing on community value has helped Dr. Marks to be less affected by negative feedback because it has given her a broader perspective and resolve, making such opinions less significant in comparison to her larger goals.
What advice does Dr. Tracey Marks give for aligning one's life with their values?
-Dr. Marks advises getting tuned in to what matters to you, examining how you spend your time and what you think or worry about, and then trimming away the unimportant aspects to focus more on what aligns with your values.
Outlines
🧘♂️ Aligning Values for Happiness and Mental Health
Dr. Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist, discusses the concept of happiness as a state of harmony between thoughts, words, and actions. She emphasizes the importance of focusing on activities that align with personal values to achieve this state. Dr. Marks encourages introspection to identify and clarify one's values, which can be obscured by daily tasks and responsibilities. She outlines the impact of unclear values on personal satisfaction and vulnerability to external opinions. The video script provides a list of common domains of life values, such as family, relationships, career, and health, and prompts viewers to reflect on their importance. Dr. Marks suggests writing down these reflections to better understand personal priorities and make informed decisions about time allocation and life choices.
🌟 Prioritizing Life Domains for Fulfillment and Resilience
In the second paragraph, Dr. Marks continues the conversation on values by delving into specific life domains such as recreation, spirituality, community, health, and personal fulfillment. She provides prompts to help viewers assess the significance of each domain in their lives. The summary includes the process of identifying the top five value areas and evaluating the time and energy spent on them. Dr. Marks shares personal anecdotes to illustrate how focusing on her values, particularly community and legacy, has shaped her career and made her less susceptible to negative feedback. She concludes with advice on trimming away unimportant concerns to focus on what truly matters, thereby enhancing personal resolve and life satisfaction.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Happiness
💡Values
💡Alignment
💡Introspection
💡Domains
💡Fulfillment
💡Priorities
💡Career
💡Spirituality
💡Community
💡Legacy
Highlights
Happiness is achieved when thoughts, words, and actions are in harmony.
Dr. Tracey Marks introduces herself as a psychiatrist making mental health education videos.
Values are essential to know what matters in life and should be top of mind.
Lack of clarified values can lead to spending time on unimportant tasks.
Values help in being less affected by others' opinions and expectations.
Even necessary tasks should not detract from focusing on meaningful activities.
Values influence career choices, volunteer activities, and what one chooses to decline.
Time is a fixed asset, and its expenditure reflects personal values.
Introspection is encouraged to become more aware of one's most valued aspects.
10 common domains of values are listed for self-reflection.
Prompts are provided to assess the importance of family relationships.
Questions about the desired role in romantic relationships are discussed.
Parenting values differ from family relationships and are explored.
Importance of friendships and the type of social life one wishes to have.
Career values are examined, including the desire for self-employment or organizational rise.
Education and personal growth are considered in terms of skill acquisition and self-improvement.
Recreation and leisure activities are evaluated for their role in relaxation and enjoyment.
Spirituality and its impact on relationships and beliefs are discussed.
Community and citizenship values relate to contributions and legacy.
Health and wellbeing are considered in terms of effort and time dedicated to health-promoting activities.
A method to identify top value areas by rating and reflecting on past fulfillment.
Dr. Marks shares personal examples of how focusing on values has shaped her career and resilience to negative feedback.
Advice to tune into personal values and trim away unimportant aspects of life.
Transcripts
- Mahatma Gandhi said,
"Happiness is when what you think,
"what you say and what you do are all in harmony."
To achieve this state of alignment means spending your time
on things that matter
to you and minimizing your time on things that don't matter.
I'm Dr. Tracey Marks,
a psychiatrist and I make mental health education videos.
How do you know what matters?
If someone said, "What are you about?
"What are your values?"
Would you be able to tell them?
You probably wouldn't if you hadn't already thought
about this and it's not because you don't have any values,
there are things that matter to you.
But if you're like many people, they're not top of mind.
When you haven't clarified them in your head,
it's easy to spend your time buried in tasks
and responsibilities that you don't really care about.
You can unintentionally do a poor job
of things because your heart really isn't in it.
Also, when you aren't anchored by your values,
you're more vulnerable to worry
about other people's opinions and expectations of you.
So knowing your values helps you care less
about others values and opinions.
And the goal isn't to be indifferent
to other people's opinions,
is to have their opinions mean less.
There's always things though, that you have to do
whether you want to do them or not.
Paying bills, doing chores, homework, et cetera.
Getting to happy
doesn't mean you let these things go.
What it means is that you keep your eyes focused
on the things that are meaningful
and spend as much time as you can on these things.
The satisfaction that you get from the time spent
in that space can compensate for the time
doing the things that are not meaningful.
Knowing what matters most to you can also inform
your decisions about what kind of career you pursue,
what activities you volunteer for and what you say no to.
Time is an asset that is fixed
and you can't borrow more of it.
So how you spend it says a lot about you and your values.
So let's do some introspection,
so you can be more aware of what you value most.
Here are 10 common domains that people value.
Family relationships, marriage and romantic relationships,
parenting, friendships and social life, career and work,
education and personal growth,
recreation and leisure, spirituality, community
and citizenship and health.
Let's look at each one and I'll give you some prompts
to help you determine how important these are to you.
I would suggest you writing them down and workshopping
them on your own.
First, family relationships.
These are blood relations and do not include your spouse.
Ask yourself what kind of relationships
do you wanna have with your family?
How much contact do you wanna have with them?
What kind of daughter, sister or aunt do you wanna be?
Next, marriage or close romantic relationships.
What kind of partner do you wanna be
in the relationship that you're in?
Do you feel connected to your partner?
And if not, what do you think is missing?
Is it time spent together?
Quality of the conversation?
If you're not in a relationship,
do you wanna have a partner or are you fine
having friends that you spend time with?
Do you want or need to be married?
If yes, what are you doing to get there?
How long will you stay in a relationship
without making a formal commitment?
Parenting.
This is a little different from the family value.
That was about the relationship.
This is about you as a parent or your desire to be a parent.
If you have children,
how involved do you wanna be in your children's lives?
Are you happy with what they would say about you
if someone asked?
If you don't have children,
how important is it to you to be a parent?
Would you eliminate potential partner
because they didn't have the same priority?
If you never had a partner or had fertility problems,
would you adopt so that you could be a parent
whether you had a partner or not?
Friendships and social life.
How important is it to you to have friends?
What kinds of friendships do you wanna have?
People to do fun things with, versus people
that you can call if you need help?
What kinds of things do you want to do to keep
the friendship going?
Send text messages, meetups, trips together
or see each other only at work and school?
Career and employment.
What kind of work matters to you?
How much time do you wanna spend in it?
How important is it to you to rise
to the top of an organization versus working
for yourself, where success is measured by profit
and not by a position?
Educational and personal growth.
How do you wanna grow as a person?
Does it matter to you whether you learn
any new skills over time?
How important is it to you to improve as a person?
Recreation and leisure.
What do you do for enjoyment?
What relaxes you?
How much of a priority is it to set aside time
for leisure versus only indulging
when you have some spare time?
Spirituality.
What kind of reasons do you wanna have with God, nature,
or any higher power?
How much do your spiritual beliefs affect
your relationships?
Do the people close to you need to believe similarly?
Community and citizenship.
How do you want to contribute to your community?
How far do you want your influence to reach?
How important is it for you to leave a legacy
behind that benefits others?
And then health and wellbeing.
How much effort do you put into optimizing your health?
How much time you spend on health-promoting activities?
Once you think through these different domains, take
a step back and rate the top five areas
to figure out which are the most important.
Think about how much time
and energy you spend in each of them.
Another way to figure this out is to ask yourself
when did you feel the most fulfilled?
You may have a few events that come to your mind.
Then, which of these domains were involved in those events?
Here's an example.
Let's say I feel the most fulfilled
when I visit my family on vacation
and we just sit around and talk.
Three domains that that covers is family,
spirituality, and leisure.
I also feel super satisfied when people tell me
that these videos have helped them understand themselves
or understand someone close to them.
That covers career and community.
My desire to leave a legacy of helping people understand
and embrace mental health has shaped what kind of work I do.
I wouldn't be able to do this if I was employed
by a large hospital as a medical director, working Monday
through Friday from eight to six.
In fact, some organizations won't allow you to engage
in activities outside of the company.
So I know I would not be happy working
in that kind of environment because it would keep me
from doing the other things that make me happy.
But here's an even better example of how focusing
on my community value has helped me be less affected
by negative feedback.
I mentioned earlier that not knowing what you stand
for can get you caught up in trying to please others.
I started on YouTube in 2008 and I had a couple
of false starts with posting videos
because I got scared away by people making mean comments.
Racial slurs, comments about my personal appearance,
you name it.
This was before you had to be logged in to comment,
so it was easy to hide behind those comments.
So I finally decided in 2018, 10 years later,
to thicken up my skin and push forward making videos
no matter what mean people said.
Over time, I saw
that I was achieving a goal that I set out to accomplish.
So now, I'm more easily tuned out
the anti psychiatry comments
or personal attacks because those opinions don't matter
because they don't come close to measuring
up to what I'm doing on a grander scale.
And you can have the same resolve.
Get tuned in to what matters to you
then take a look at how you're spending your time,
what kinds of things you think or worry
about, then start trimming away the chaff,
the weeds, the unimportant minutiae that dim your light.
Thanks for watching.
See you next time.
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