FAIL - Fight Again In Life | Dr Tanu Jain | TEDxIIMAmritsar

Summary

The speaker shares seven lessons learned from failures, emphasizing that failure is a social construct and success is self-defined. They discuss the importance of balancing various life aspects, the value of learning from failures, and the need to pursue passions with determination. The speaker also highlights the pain of regret over failure and encourages continuous learning and self-improvement, concluding with the acronym F-A-I-L as a reminder to fight again in life.

Takeaways

• 😀 Failure is a social concept, and society often labels people as failures or successes, but it's important to remember that only you can decide your own success or failure.
• 🏆 There are various aspects of life where people can experience failure, such as academics, career, relationships, and social interactions. It's crucial to balance these aspects to avoid regret.
• 📈 The script discusses a horizontal and vertical aspect of failures. Horizontally, failures can be in different areas of life, while vertically, the depth of effort and learning differentiates failures.
• 🏔️ Not reaching the peak (success) does not equate to failure. Those who quit close to the peak have learned and evolved, and they have different opportunities open to them compared to those who quit early.
• 🚀 Learning and evolving from failures are essential. People who continue to learn and pursue their goals despite failures will find new doors opening for them.
• 🔍 It's important to analyze failures to understand if the direction or goals are right for you. Playing to your strengths is crucial to avoid inevitable failure.
• 🐟 Be the best at what you are naturally good at, rather than trying to be something you're not, which can lead to failure.
• 💔 The pain of regret is worse than the pain of failure. It's better to try and fail than to regret not trying at all.
• 📚 Continuous learning is vital, even in the face of failure. Steve Jobs is an example of someone who continued learning and eventually connected the dots in his success.
• 🌟 Don't judge yourself based on a single failure. Life is a long journey with many opportunities, and each failure is a stepping stone towards success.

Q & A

What is the speaker's main point about failure?

The speaker emphasizes that failure is a social concept and that it's important to learn from failures rather than focusing on the failures themselves.

How does society influence our perception of failure and success?

Society often labels individuals as failures or successes based on their achievements in exams, business, relationships, etc. This labeling can affect how individuals perceive themselves.

What is the speaker's first lesson about failure?

The first lesson is that failure is a social construct and it's up to the individual to decide whether they have failed or succeeded, not society.

What are the different aspects of life where failure can occur?

The speaker mentions academic, career, professional, emotional, social, and identity failures as different aspects where individuals can experience failure.

Why is it important to have a balance in life according to the speaker?

Having a balance is crucial because being successful in one area, like career, but failing in others, like relationships, can lead to regret and dissatisfaction.

What is the vertical aspect of failures the speaker talks about?

The vertical aspect refers to the depth of effort and learning in the journey towards a goal. Quitting at different stages of the journey results in different levels of failure and learning.

Why does the speaker say that not all failures are the same?

Because the effort, learning, and wisdom gained at different stages of failure are different. A person who quits early versus one who quits close to the goal has had different experiences and learned different lessons.

What is the significance of the speaker's point about doors opening for prepared people?

The speaker implies that opportunities arise for those who have learned and evolved from their failures, making them better prepared for new ventures and challenges.

Why is it important to analyze our failures, according to the speaker?

Analyzing failures helps individuals understand if they are pursuing the right goals or if their direction needs adjustment. It's crucial to play to one's strengths rather than blindly following others' advice.

What is the speaker's advice on dealing with the pain of failure?

The speaker advises that the pain of failure is less than the pain of regret. It's better to try and fail than to live with the regret of not trying at all.

What are the speaker's three takeaways at the end of the talk?

The three takeaways are: 1) Do what you want to do with passion, 2) Don't quit learning, and 3) Remember that failure is just a small break, keep pursuing your goals.

How does the speaker use the acronym F-A-I-L to convey a message?

The speaker uses F-A-I-L to mean 'Fight Again In Life,' encouraging listeners to view failure as a call to action to keep fighting and not give up.

Outlines

00:00

😌 Embracing Failure as a Social Construct

The speaker begins by discussing the societal perception of failure and success. They emphasize that failure is a social concept, often dictated by external expectations such as exams, business ventures, or relationships. The speaker encourages the audience to recognize that only they can truly define their own failures and successes. They highlight the importance of not letting others label you and to see failure as a learning opportunity. The speaker also introduces the idea that there are various aspects of life where failure can occur, such as academics, career, emotions, and social interactions, suggesting a need for balance in all areas.

05:02

🏔 Understanding the Vertical and Horizontal Aspects of Failure

In this paragraph, the speaker delves into the concept of failure from both a horizontal and vertical perspective. They use the metaphor of a mountain to illustrate that quitting at different stages of a journey results in different types of failures, each with its own lessons learned. The speaker argues that not all failures are equal and that the effort and learnings involved in reaching different points on the mountain are what truly matter. They also mention the importance of not comparing your failures to others and the value of learning from each experience. The speaker uses the example of Amitabh Bachchan to illustrate how perceived failures can lead to later success.

10:03

📚 Learning from Failure and Avoiding Regret

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of learning from failure and continuing to pursue your goals. They stress that the pain of regret is worse than the pain of failure, using examples of famous figures like Steve Jobs and Einstein who were initially considered failures but ultimately achieved great success. The speaker advises the audience to pursue their passions with determination and to not judge themselves based on a single failure. They encourage continuous learning and self-improvement, regardless of setbacks. The speaker ends with a reminder that failure is a part of life and a stepping stone to success, encouraging the audience to fight again and see themselves as fighters.

Keywords

💡Failure

Failure in this context refers to the experience of not achieving a desired outcome or goal. It is a central theme of the video, emphasizing that failure is often defined by societal expectations rather than personal standards. The speaker discusses how societal labels of failure can be limiting and encourages viewers to define their own successes and failures. For example, the speaker mentions that society often labels people as failures based on exams, business ventures, or relationships.

💡Success

Success is juxtaposed with failure in the video, highlighting the societal pressure to achieve certain milestones. The speaker argues that success should be a personal determination rather than a societal one. The concept is used to illustrate the contrast between external validation and internal satisfaction, suggesting that true success comes from personal growth and learning, not just meeting societal benchmarks.

💡Society

Society is portrayed as a force that imposes expectations and labels on individuals, often defining what constitutes failure or success. The speaker critiques the societal norms that dictate when one should achieve certain life milestones, such as marriage, career, or homeownership. The video encourages viewers to look beyond societal definitions and find their own paths to success and fulfillment.

💡Identity Failure

Identity failure is a term used in the video to describe the feeling of not knowing one's purpose or direction in life. It is a type of failure that goes beyond academic or professional setbacks, touching on the deeper issue of self-discovery and personal alignment with societal expectations. The speaker points out that identity failure can occur when individuals do not meet societal timelines for life events, suggesting that this can lead to a sense of personal failure.

💡Balance

Balance is emphasized as crucial in all aspects of life, not just in career or financial success. The speaker argues that a holistic approach to life, where emotional, social, and professional aspects are all considered, is important for overall well-being. The concept is used to illustrate the idea that success in one area of life should not come at the expense of others, and that a balanced life is more fulfilling.

💡Vertical Aspect

The vertical aspect refers to the progression or journey towards a goal, with the metaphor of climbing a mountain used in the video. The speaker explains that society often only recognizes those who reach the peak as successful, overlooking the efforts and learnings of those who quit at various points. This concept is used to argue that all stages of effort and learning are valuable, not just the final outcome.

💡Horizontal Aspect

The horizontal aspect is used to describe the various areas of life that can be affected by failure or success, such as academics, career, emotions, and social relationships. The speaker emphasizes the importance of considering all these areas when evaluating one's life, suggesting that a well-rounded life is more important than success in just one area.

💡Pursuit

Pursuit is highlighted as a continuous process of learning and striving for improvement, regardless of whether the ultimate goal is achieved. The speaker encourages viewers to focus on the journey and the learnings gained along the way, rather than just the end result. The concept is used to inspire resilience and a growth mindset, suggesting that the pursuit itself is a form of success.

💡Regret

Regret is presented as a more painful experience than failure itself. The speaker uses the example of older individuals expressing regret for not taking enough risks or failing enough in their lives. The concept is used to emphasize the importance of taking chances and learning from failures, rather than living a life filled with regret for missed opportunities.

💡Learning

Learning is a key theme in the video, with the speaker advocating for a continuous process of education and self-improvement, even in the face of failure. The speaker uses examples like Steve Jobs and Einstein to illustrate how learning from failures can lead to later success. The concept is used to encourage a mindset where learning is valued over immediate success.

💡Passion

Passion is emphasized as a driving force in pursuing one's goals and overcoming failures. The speaker advises viewers to do what they love and to be passionate about their pursuits. The concept is used to illustrate the idea that passion can help sustain motivation and resilience in the face of challenges and setbacks.

Highlights

Failure is a social concept, defined by societal norms and expectations.

It is crucial to determine your own success or failure, rather than letting society label you.

There are various aspects of life where failure can occur, such as academics, career, emotions, and social interactions.

Identity failure occurs when you don't know what you want to do and act based on societal parameters.

Balance in all aspects of life is important to avoid regretting success in one area at the expense of others.

The vertical aspect of failure suggests that the effort and learnings from failing at different stages are not the same.

Failures at different stages of a pursuit are not comparable; each has its own value and learnings.

Pursuit and learning are more important than the success or failure itself.

Amitabh Bachchan's story illustrates how rejection can lead to success when you embrace your uniqueness.

It's essential to analyze your failures to understand if you are pursuing the right path or if your direction needs adjustment.

Playing to your strengths is crucial; don't try to be something you're not just because it's popular or suggested by others.

Regret is more painful than failure; it's better to try and fail than to never try at all.

Steve Jobs' story shows the importance of continuous learning, even in the face of academic failure.

Don't judge yourself based on a single failure or success; life is a journey with many facets.

Einstein and Edison's stories demonstrate that early failures do not define one's ultimate success.

Life is too big to be defined by a single event; embrace the journey and learn from each experience.

The essence of success often lies in the lessons learned from failure.

Do what you want to do with passion and determination, regardless of societal expectations.

Keep learning and pursuing your goals; success and failure are just events, but your pursuit and learning define you.

Remember that F-A-I-L stands for 'Fight Again In Life'; embrace your role as a fighter.

Transcripts

foreign

[Music]

yes of course and many times many many

times sometimes on daily basis but my

journey of failure is not that important

important are my lessons that I have

taken from my failures

so I will try to put before you my seven

lessons that I have learned my first

lesson is that failure is a social

concept generally Society tells you if

you are a failure and a success we all

have faced this the moment you give an

entrance exam the moment you start a

business the moment you enter into a

relationship people tell you oh

not this time again she couldn't clear

the exam

oh he started a business he failed oh

goodness so this is the kind of tags of

failure that Society puts on you the

problem is we ourselves don't seem we

don't consider ourselves failures but

society makes you a failure or a success

this is the problem the moment somebody

is trying to put a tag on you

see through it's not them who should

decide whether you are a failure or a

success who should decide only and only

you should decide when you have been a

failure and when you have been a success

nobody can tell you whether you are a

failure or a success

second

there is a horizontal

aspect of our life and failures and

success govern all of them so there are

people who are academic failures others

are career failures professional

failures and some others are emotional

failures and more are social failures

and above all is identity failures

identity failure is when you don't know

what you want to do and you act by the

society set parameters Marriage Act

25

career set at 27

child before 30 and first house before

35 all this is what Society sets for you

the moment you be to go beyond any

timeline you go beyond they will term

you failure but this horizontal aspect

even when not important for society it

is important for you if you are failing

as an emotional person and you are very

successful as

well as still a failure so it is very

important to have a balance because if

you regret at the end that you are a

very rich successful person with nobody

else to enjoy with then it is again

something you regret and if you have

very loving good friends good family but

no money

again it is a problem therefore a

balance in all aspects of life is

important so here we are not talking

only about career failures it is very

important that you look your life

holistically and organically

third thing I have analyzed through my

failures is that there is a vertical

aspect to failures so imagine there is a

mountain which is 500 meters

and the person who quit at 50 meters is

a failure

person who quit at 100 meters is a

failure and 490 meters is still a

failure for society

only the person who reaches the FX the

peak the Summit is called as success but

is this person who quit at 50 and the

person who quit at 490 are they same

they are not saying

absolutely not same because the kind of

hard work that person has put in the

kind of learnings that person has taken

is very different you cannot compare the

failure of a person who has just entered

and quit and the person who has tried or

had done determination had the

determination to go through you cannot

compare these failures no not all

failures are seen so important what is

your Pursuit the person who has failed

at 490 is a different person he is an

evolved being he has learned a lot in

the journey he has the lessons the

wisdom the knowledge the skills which he

which he or she can utilize in another

venture this takes me to another of my

point that is

we should not we should not consider

ourselves as failure if we just do not

reach the peak Peak is just one point

and as people say those when one door

closes many doors open

but what truth be told

these doors are open only for

prepared people

so the person who quits at 490 for him

or her these doors are open not for the

person who quit at 50.

because

the learnings are different this person

who has learned along the way

has other doors open for him or her take

the example of Amitabh Bachchan he was

rejected as a radio jockey because of

his husky voice and now that voice has

become the major you know major

attraction the huskiness the sincerity

of that that voice has become the major

attraction and of course we all know he

has failed many times and yet again

succeeded so the doors open only for

those who keep learning and who keep

their Pursuit on

this leads to my fifth point

it is very important that we analyze our

failures many a times I have seen that

because somebody tells you being monkey

is the next best thing in Market we all

try to become monkeys but if you are

better at swimming then be a fish

because

you have to play on your strengths the

moment you move beyond your strengths

the moment you try to become something

which other person is telling you to

then you lose your strengths and this

becomes inevitable failure inevitable

because you are not prepared for that

you are not loving that you are not

passionate about that so if you are

having failures in life analyze is there

something wrong with what you are trying

to achieve is there something wrong in

your direction analyze

I I never say just be obsessive about

one thing but yes one has to have

determination and passion at the same

time with analysis whether the direction

is right if you are a fish be a fish be

a good fish don't be a bad monkey

because when in society it will judge

you it will always say this is a bad

monkey and that is a good fish so always

do what you are best at

after this I'll tell you my sixth lesson

regrets

failures are not that painful yes they

are painful so we all know failures are

emotional

moment we fail we are emotional

world comes crashing onto us they are uh

hurtful they are people criticize us

when we fail people judge us when we

fail and it is it is it is like no it is

more than physical pain so somebody hit

you it's not that painful but if you

fail then it's painful but trust me

the pain of failure is still less than

the failure the pain of regret

how many of you must have many of you

rather must have heard your mother's

saying that if I would have been given a

chance I would have become this this in

my life it was only because I wasn't

given a chance or your fathers saying

that I would have bought that property

and it would have made a huge lot of

difference in our future we see regrets

in old people and what are these regrets

these regrets are regrets of not failing

enough

so yes failure is painful but regret is

more painful so choose your pain it is

better you do something and then

fail because in that failing also there

is a lot and lot of learnings that go

along the way

and just try to put a example here Steve

Jobs so Steve Jobs was a academic period

we all know he quit he dropped out of

his college in his first year and out of

that he still didn't stop learning we

all know that he went to calligraphy

classes designing classes just out of

Interest no specific purpose but he kept

on learning and 10 years later he

connected the dots when he designed

Macintosh he said that if I had not been

an academic failure I would not have

been a designing exist so this is

important that even when you fail you

don't stop learning or trying to improve

yourself

my seventh point is life is too big

don't judge yourself on even parameters

so if you have failed an exam don't

judge yourself it's okay

don't just judge yourself with one

relationship one event one success one

business idea one uh entrepreneurial

startup no don't judge yourself

and I'll tell you how why so we all know

Einstein

so Einstein was termed as a failure

because he could not read when he was

four he could not rather speak when he

was four and again he was termed a

failure at seven because he could not

read

and we all know what scientific Marvel

he was similarly Edison

we all are enjoying the benefits of

inventions of Edison and Edison was

termed as a failure because he had

learning disabilities

and we all know that now he has he

helped more than one thousand patents in

his name so what people tell you or what

you feel at that particular moment is

not important because sometimes it is

inevitable to feel as a failure but you

have to move beyond that feeling and

realize that life is a beautiful Journey

that goes a long long way you never know

when this failure will turn to success

definitely we all are working towards

success and we have read in every

self-help book on Earth that's a path to

success is laid by the

bricks of failure yes these are words

but somehow there is an Essence in that

also so my three takeaways at the last

are

do what you want to do whatever you want

to do analyze your own wishes and do

them with full passion and vigor

second don't quit learning failure is

just a small break keep learning you

have to focus more on deserving and

pursuit rather than success and failure

because success and failures are just

events but what brings them is your

Pursuit and your learnings and my last

so if you ever think that you have

failed remember

f-a-i-l means fight again in life fight

again you are a fighter thank you