"Why Self Care isn't Selfish" | Jessica Brubaker | TEDxGrandCanyonUniversity

Summary

The speaker reflects on the negative self-talk and comparisons that often shape our self-worth over time, contrasting it with the carefree confidence of childhood. She recalls moments of being affirmed and nurtured as a child, only to later internalize feelings of inadequacy through experiences of bullying, rejection, and trauma. Emphasizing the importance of self-care, the speaker urges us to nurture our own relationship with ourselves, just as we do with others. By intentionally affirming, meeting our needs, and setting boundaries, we can reconnect with our inherent value, just as we did when we were young.

Takeaways

• 😀 Comparing yourself to others can lead to negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy.
• 😀 As children, we are often told positive affirmations, but as we grow, we tend to be the ones responsible for affirming ourselves.
• 😀 Early childhood experiences, like teasing or medical trauma, can shape negative beliefs about ourselves.
• 😀 The shift from childhood to adulthood involves taking on the responsibility of self-care and self-affirmation.
• 😀 Self-care is more than occasional actions like going to the gym or getting a pedicure—it involves taking care of your relationship with yourself on a daily basis.
• 😀 It's important to prioritize our own needs and time, as we often put others first to the detriment of ourselves.
• 😀 Self-care involves nurturing and setting boundaries with yourself, just like you would in a relationship with others.
• 😀 People generally take good care of their loved ones, but often neglect to treat themselves with the same kindness and respect.
• 😀 Think about how you would treat your four-year-old self—this should be a model for how to care for yourself as an adult.
• 😀 Every person is inherently valuable, and by choosing to affirm and care for yourself, you are reinforcing that worth.
• 😀 Embrace the fact that you deserve forgiveness, support, and second chances, just like anyone else, without having to prove your worth.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the script?

The main theme of the script is about self-affirmation, self-care, and the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship with oneself. It highlights how, as we grow, we must learn to affirm, nurture, and protect ourselves, rather than relying on others to do so.

How does the speaker describe their childhood self?

The speaker describes their 4-year-old self, named Jessica, as fearless, full of sass, and socially vibrant. She loved things like Rainbow Brite and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and she was seen as a 'social butterfly' by her preschool teacher.

What happens as we transition from childhood to adulthood in terms of self-care?

As we grow up, the responsibility for affirming ourselves and meeting our own needs shifts from our caregivers to us. In adulthood, it becomes our job to take care of ourselves, set our own boundaries, and manage the risks we face.

Why does the speaker emphasize self-care?

The speaker emphasizes self-care because it's crucial for mental health and personal well-being. People often neglect their own needs and prioritize others, but maintaining a healthy relationship with oneself ensures we affirm our worth and care for ourselves as we would for a loved one.

What role does comparison play in shaping our self-worth?

Comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy, as it often causes individuals to believe they are 'less than' others. These beliefs, formed during adolescence and early adulthood, can persist into adulthood and impact self-esteem, making it essential to stop comparing ourselves to others.

How does the speaker suggest we should treat ourselves?

The speaker suggests that we should treat ourselves with the same care, affirmation, and support that we would offer to a close friend or partner. This involves being kind, nurturing, and setting boundaries to protect ourselves, as well as forgiving ourselves for mistakes.

What does the speaker mean by a 'healthy and functional relationship with yourself'?

A 'healthy and functional relationship with yourself' refers to the process of affirming your worth, nurturing your needs, and setting boundaries to protect yourself. It’s about maintaining a positive, compassionate attitude toward yourself, despite past experiences or negative self-talk.

What did the speaker learn from their own experiences with trauma and medical issues?

The speaker learned that trauma and medical issues, such as the one they experienced with spinal fluid buildup, can deeply affect self-worth. Despite facing such challenges, it’s important to remember that we are valuable and deserving of self-love and care.

What advice does the speaker offer about self-forgiveness?

The speaker advises that self-forgiveness is essential. Everyone deserves forgiveness, especially when mistakes are made, and it’s important to give yourself the same compassion and second chances you would offer others.

Why does the speaker stress the importance of affirming yourself intentionally?

The speaker stresses the importance of intentionally affirming yourself because it's necessary to maintain self-esteem and emotional well-being. Affirming yourself consistently helps counteract negative self-talk and builds a stronger, more positive relationship with yourself.