Disenfranchised Grief: Dr. Ken Doka

Summary

Dr. DOA discusses the concept of 'disenfranchised grief,' which he coined in the 1980s. He shares how this idea emerged from a conversation in his class about the grief of widows, and how it expanded to include individuals who grieve the loss of ex-spouses, unacknowledged relationships, or losses that society overlooks, such as suicides. Disenfranchised grief refers to the experience of having a loss that is not publicly recognized or supported. Dr. DOA highlights the various categories of disenfranchised grief and how the concept has resonated with many who feel their grief is invalidated by others.

Takeaways

• 😀 Disenfranchised grief refers to grief that is not openly acknowledged, supported, or mourned by society, making it a hidden or unrecognized loss.
• 😀 The concept of disenfranchised grief was first formulated by Dr. DOA during a class discussion with graduate students in the early 1980s.
• 😀 Dr. DOA’s realization about disenfranchised grief stemmed from a student’s story about the grief caused by the death of an ex-spouse, a loss that was not understood by others.
• 😀 The grief experienced by people after the death of an ex-spouse can be intense, yet society often does not recognize or validate that grief.
• 😀 Many people who experience disenfranchised grief, such as those grieving the death of an ex-spouse or a close relationship without marriage, report feeling that their grief is invalidated by society.
• 😀 Divorce is a significant loss, but psychologists have historically not referred to the impact of divorce as grief, but rather as psychological distress.
• 😀 Grieving individuals who were in long-term relationships (e.g., engaged, cohabiting) but never married also experience disenfranchised grief, as their loss is often not acknowledged by others.
• 😀 Disenfranchised grief can also apply to other situations, such as people grieving the loss of a child who was never acknowledged by society, or individuals with intellectual disabilities who grieve but may not be supported.
• 😀 There are different categories of disenfranchised grief, including loss not acknowledged by others, grief not recognized due to age or disability, and culturally stigmatized grief, such as that from suicides.
• 😀 Over time, the concept of disenfranchised grief has resonated deeply with individuals, as it provides validation for experiences of loss that were previously unrecognized or unsupported by society.

Q & A

What is disenfranchised grief and how did Dr. DOA come to formulate this concept?

Disenfranchised grief refers to grief that is not acknowledged or supported by society. Dr. DOA coined this term after a conversation with a student in the 1980s, when the student shared her experience of grieving the death of her ex-husband, which was largely ignored by others. Dr. DOA began researching this topic and found that many people experienced grief that wasn’t recognized by society.

What was the student's personal experience that led Dr. DOA to develop the idea of disenfranchised grief?

The student shared that after her ex-husband died, despite the bitterness of their divorce, she was still grieving the loss. People congratulated her, not understanding that she was mourning the father of her children and her high school boyfriend. This sparked Dr. DOA's interest in researching how others who lose ex-spouses experience grief.

How do individuals grieving the loss of an ex-spouse experience disenfranchised grief?

People grieving the death of an ex-spouse often feel that their grief isn’t acknowledged by others. While they may feel relief in certain cases, they also experience a sense of loss, but societal expectations and lack of support lead them to feel isolated in their grief.

What did Dr. DOA find in his study on grief after divorce and the death of an ex-spouse?

Dr. DOA found that individuals varied in the intensity of their grief, and factors like the timing of the death and the circumstances surrounding the divorce affected how deeply people mourned. However, a common theme was that others didn’t understand why they were grieving.

How does grief related to divorce compare with grief related to death?

In Dr. DOA's study, individuals who had gone through divorce and then experienced the death of their ex-spouse compared their grief at the time of the divorce with grief after death. They noted that grief was not acknowledged in the case of divorce, even though it is a significant loss.

What other types of disenfranchised grief did Dr. DOA explore in his research?

Dr. DOA also researched grief in people who were involved in close relationships without marriage, such as long-term partners, engaged couples, or those in serious dating relationships. These individuals often felt their grief was disregarded because their relationship was not officially recognized by society.

What is the significance of the term 'disenfranchised' in relation to grief?

The term 'disenfranchised' refers to a grief that is denied public recognition. Individuals who experience disenfranchised grief often cannot openly mourn or receive social support for their loss, making their grief an isolating and misunderstood experience.

How do cultural perceptions and societal norms contribute to disenfranchised grief?

Cultural norms and societal perceptions can contribute to disenfranchised grief by invalidating certain types of grief. For example, people who grieve in a more intellectual or stoic manner may be seen as lacking emotion, while other cultures may view emotional expressions of grief as inappropriate. This results in the individual's grief being overlooked.

What impact has Dr. DOA's work on disenfranchised grief had on people who experience such grief?

Dr. DOA's work has helped many people identify and understand their own experiences of grief. Many individuals have written to Dr. DOA, expressing how his research helped them recognize their own unacknowledged grief and validated their emotional responses to loss.

What are some examples of disenfranchised deaths, according to Dr. DOA?

Disenfranchised deaths include those involving suicides, where the grief surrounding the death may be stigmatized or misunderstood. Additionally, grief related to certain types of death, like the death of an ex-spouse or someone involved in an unconventional relationship, may not be socially supported or acknowledged.