Do you know your self-worth? | Kim Otteby | TEDxLusaka

Summary

In this powerful reflection on self-worth, the speaker shares their personal journey of striving for external validation and perfectionism. Despite achieving success, they realized their worth was not tied to accomplishments but was inherent from birth. The speaker explains the difference between confidence, which is external, and self-worth, which is internal and unchanging. Through their struggles and eventual self-realization, they learned that true worth is not earned, but simply exists because we are here. The message encourages embracing both the good and bad within oneself, accepting our imperfections, and living authentically without the need to constantly prove our worth.

Takeaways

• 😀 You can't truly have self-worth if you believe you're not enough. It’s essential to confront and release this belief.
• 😀 Confidence and self-worth are not the same: Confidence is external, based on your abilities, while self-worth is intrinsic and internal.
• 😀 Perfectionism is unattainable and sets you up for failure, as it's impossible to be perfect in every area of life.
• 😀 Perfectionism hides imperfections and prevents us from being our authentic selves.
• 😀 You are worthy simply because you exist. You don’t have to prove your worth or achieve anything to be valuable.
• 😀 Self-worth is not a scale—it's a constant. You are 100% worthy right now, just by existing.
• 😀 The belief that you’re not enough can prevent you from seeing your inherent worth, leading to a cycle of striving and disappointment.
• 😀 True self-worth comes from a deep, inner knowing of your value, regardless of external circumstances or others' opinions.
• 😀 Perfectionism can result in significant mental health struggles, as seen in the speaker’s experience with an eating disorder.
• 😀 Embrace both the good and the bad parts of yourself. Self-worth is recognizing your whole self, imperfections and all.
• 😀 The journey to self-worth is about recognizing that you don't need to do anything extra to be worthy—just breathe and be yourself.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speaker's message?

The main theme revolves around self-worth, emphasizing that it is intrinsic and not dependent on external achievements or validation. The speaker shares her journey of realizing that self-worth is not something to prove or earn, but rather a recognition of one's inherent value simply by existing.

What does the speaker mean by the question 'Am I enough?'

The question 'Am I enough?' is a fundamental inquiry that many people subconsciously ask themselves. It drives decisions and behaviors, with the speaker sharing how she struggled with this question throughout her life, often feeling the need to prove her worth to others.

How did the speaker attempt to prove her worth?

The speaker tried to prove her worth through various external accomplishments, such as achieving top grades, entering prestigious universities, securing high-paying jobs, and striving for perfection in every area of life. She believed that by doing these things, she could validate her worth.

What role did perfectionism play in the speaker's journey?

Perfectionism played a significant role in the speaker's struggles with self-worth. It was a mask she wore to hide her perceived imperfections. She set impossibly high standards for herself and internalized failure when she didn't meet them, reinforcing the belief that she wasn't enough.

Why does the speaker describe perfectionism as the 'lowest standard'?

The speaker describes perfectionism as the lowest standard because it is unattainable. No matter how hard someone works, there is always room for improvement, and perfection can never be fully reached. This sets people up for failure and prevents them from accepting themselves as they are.

How does the speaker differentiate between confidence and self-worth?

The speaker explains that confidence is based on external factors, such as skills, abilities, or achievements, and can be taken away by external circumstances. In contrast, self-worth is internal and is about recognizing one's inherent value, independent of external conditions.

What does the speaker mean by 'self-worth is always a 10'?

The speaker means that self-worth is not something that fluctuates or can be measured on a scale. It is an absolute and constant truth. Since existence itself is proof of worth, everyone is inherently 100% worthy, regardless of what they do or achieve.

What is the main obstacle to realizing one's self-worth?

The main obstacle is the belief that one is not enough. This belief can take many forms, such as feeling not smart enough, not successful enough, or not good enough in some way. These beliefs prevent individuals from recognizing their inherent worth.

How does the speaker's journey toward self-worth involve acceptance of both good and bad parts of herself?

The speaker emphasizes that self-worth involves recognizing and accepting all parts of oneself—the good and the bad. She reflects on how understanding and embracing the duality of existence, where light and dark coexist, is essential for accepting one's true self.

What is the ultimate realization the speaker wants the audience to reach?

The ultimate realization is that self-worth is not something to be earned or proven through achievements or perfection. It is a deep recognition of one's inherent value simply because they exist. The speaker encourages the audience to embrace this truth and stop seeking external validation.