Why I disappeared

Summary

Matt Della, a YouTuber who took a lengthy break from content creation, opens up about the struggles that led to his hiatus. In this heartfelt video, he shares his journey through adjusting to life as a new dad, feeling trapped by his business, and relocating to a new country. He reveals how these challenges, coupled with burnout and creative stagnation, pushed him into depression. After stepping away from YouTube, Matt found healing through rest and self-reflection. Now, he's back, reinvigorated and ready to create again, with new projects including a short-form podcast, behind-the-scenes content, and a newsletter. It's a powerful story of resilience, recovery, and rediscovery of passion.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker, Matt Della, is returning to YouTube after an extended break of over eight months, the longest time he’s ever taken off since starting in 2017.
• 😀 The break was due to a combination of personal struggles, including adjusting to fatherhood, business pressures, moving to a new country, and a general loss of passion for making videos.
• 😀 Matt experienced significant mental health struggles, including depression and adjustment disorder, largely due to lack of sleep caused by his newborn son, who didn’t sleep independently for the first 10 months.
• 😀 Matt and his wife faced challenges during the first months of parenthood, with both parents feeling physically and emotionally drained due to sleepless nights, leading to a diagnosis of PTSD for his wife and depression for him.
• 😀 After months of struggling, they finally succeeded in sleep training their son, but by that point, Matt had already hit his breaking point with both his business and personal life.
• 😀 The speaker felt trapped by his business, where the line between doing what he wanted to do and what he had to do became increasingly blurred, especially after hiring employees and taking on significant financial responsibilities.
• 😀 The pressure of managing a growing team and the increasing demands of his business led to burnout, causing Matt to let go of his entire staff and reassess his work-life priorities.
• 😀 Relocating to Australia with his family added another layer of complexity, as it required adjusting to a new country, new routines, and living away from extended family, which made parenting even harder.
• 😀 Matt realized that he had lost his passion for making YouTube videos and wasn’t excited about his work anymore. This realization led him to question his motivations and ultimately step away from creating content.
• 😀 After taking time away, Matt has rediscovered his love for creation and is returning to YouTube because he genuinely wants to, not because he feels obligated. He’s excited to make videos again and has learned to prioritize his mental health and well-being.
• 😀 Matt now has several new projects, including a regular YouTube video schedule, a short-form podcast called 'Three Rules,' a behind-the-scenes YouTube channel named 'Bonus Diella,' and a weekly newsletter that reflects on his journey and personal growth.

Q & A

Why did Matt Della decide to take a break from YouTube?

Matt Della decided to take a break from YouTube due to a combination of personal challenges, including adjusting to life as a new dad, feeling trapped by his business, moving to a new country, and experiencing boredom with his work. These factors led him to prioritize his mental health and step away from content creation.

What was the biggest challenge Matt faced as a new dad?

The biggest challenge Matt faced as a new dad was the lack of sleep. His son did not sleep independently for the first 10 months, leading to severe sleep deprivation for both Matt and his partner. This contributed to Matt's depression and exhaustion, making it difficult for him to focus on work.

How did Matt's sleep deprivation affect his mental health?

Matt's sleep deprivation led to a diagnosis of adjustment disorder, which is often a precursor to depression. He openly admits to struggling with depression during this time, which was compounded by the lack of sleep and the pressure of balancing parenting and work responsibilities.

What was the turning point that helped Matt and his partner manage their sleep issues?

The turning point came after months of trying various sleep training methods. Matt and his partner finally found success with Ferber’s sleep training method, which helped their son sleep independently through the night, allowing both Matt and his partner to rest and begin their recovery.

What led Matt to feel trapped by his business?

Matt felt trapped by his business as it grew. He started hiring employees, which brought new responsibilities and pressure. Over time, managing a team and trying to keep up with the pace of his work became overwhelming, turning his passion for creating videos into a sense of obligation rather than enjoyment.

Why did Matt decide to let go of his entire staff?

Matt decided to let go of his entire staff because he could no longer keep up with the demands of running a business with employees. The financial and emotional strain led him to the realization that he didn’t want to continue at that pace, and he needed to simplify his work life to regain control and focus on what truly mattered.

How did moving to Australia impact Matt’s personal challenges?

Moving to Australia added another layer of complexity to Matt’s challenges. The transition involved adjusting to a new country, new routines, and living away from family, which made parenting more difficult and isolated. The lack of support from extended family intensified the pressures on both Matt and his partner.

What was the main reason Matt lost his passion for making YouTube videos?

Matt lost his passion for making YouTube videos because he was no longer motivated by the excitement and creativity he once felt. The pressure of maintaining a successful YouTube channel, the monotony of routine, and a sense of burnout led him to question whether he was truly excited about his work.

How did Matt come to the decision to stop making YouTube videos?

Matt came to the decision to stop making YouTube videos after realizing he was not happy and wasn’t working from a place of passion. He faced the difficult truth that he was no longer making videos because he wanted to, but because he felt obligated to. This realization led him to take a break and focus on his well-being.

What does Matt’s return to YouTube signify about his relationship with content creation?

Matt’s return to YouTube signifies a renewed sense of passion and excitement for creating content. He mentions that he’s back because he truly wants to be and is now driven by his love for making videos, rather than the pressure of having to do so. His break allowed him to reconnect with the joy of creation.

What new projects is Matt working on now that he’s back on YouTube?

Now that Matt is back on YouTube, he is working on several new projects, including regular video uploads, interviews, and a short-form podcast called 'Three Rules.' He’s also launched a behind-the-scenes YouTube channel called 'Bonus Diella' and is maintaining a weekly newsletter where he shares personal insights and self-development advice.

What is the purpose of Matt’s 'Three Rules' podcast?

The 'Three Rules' podcast features guests who share three rules that have helped them find success or happiness. The podcast is designed to offer valuable insights in a concise format, with episodes lasting only 15-20 minutes. It aims to provide practical advice without the lengthy runtime of typical self-development podcasts.