Is Living Together Before Marriage Better?

Summary

In this video, Lacy and Anthony explore the controversial question of whether living together before marriage leads to divorce. They discuss a recent study debunking the myth that cohabitation is a predictor of relationship failure, emphasizing that age—specifically, being under 23—is a more significant factor. The pair shares personal reflections on the pros and cons of living together before marriage, touching on compatibility, the challenges of breaking up, and the psychological concept of sunk cost fallacy. With humor and insight, they invite viewers to consider their own perspectives on relationships and cohabitation.

Takeaways

• 😀 900 times more people are living together before marriage now than in the 1960s, indicating a major shift in relationship dynamics.
• 😀 The traditional view that cohabitation leads to divorce is being challenged by new research showing no clear link between living together first and divorce rates.
• 😀 A new study in the Journal of Marriage and Family finds that moving in together doesn’t increase the risk of divorce, but age does.
• 😀 The age at which people move in together or get married is a significant factor in divorce rates, with those under 23 being at a higher risk.
• 😀 The higher risk of divorce is partly because younger individuals are often taking on roles they’re not fully ready for, especially before the brain is fully developed.
• 😀 The study challenges previous assumptions where cohabitation was unfairly linked to divorce without considering the participants' ages.
• 😀 Marriage before the age of 23 and living together young tend to correlate with higher divorce rates, according to research by Dr. Ariel Cooperberg.
• 😀 The brain's development and maturity, which is typically completed by age 23, play a role in relationship readiness and the longevity of marriage or cohabitation.
• 😀 Cohabiting before marriage may be important for testing compatibility in everyday life, such as managing shared spaces and routines.
• 😀 Despite the benefits of cohabitation, psychological factors like sunk cost fallacy can make it harder for couples to break up once they’ve invested a lot in the relationship, even when it’s not working.
• 😀 The idea of cohabiting before marriage is balanced with the consideration that once you're in a lease, it becomes a significant commitment, similar to marriage in some ways.

Q & A

What does the video suggest about living together before marriage?

The video suggests that living together before marriage is not inherently harmful to a relationship. Recent studies indicate that cohabitation does not necessarily lead to divorce, and the key factor is the age at which people move in together or get married.

Why is cohabitation before marriage traditionally seen as risky?

Historically, cohabitation before marriage was seen as leading to higher divorce rates. Experts believed that living together first might cause issues in a relationship, but recent research has debunked this myth by showing that the age at which people get married or cohabit is a more significant factor.

What does the new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family reveal?

The new study debunks the long-standing myth that cohabitation before marriage leads to higher divorce rates. It finds that cohabitation itself does not contribute to divorce, but the age at which people cohabit or marry plays a significant role in relationship outcomes.

How does age affect the likelihood of divorce in relationships?

The study highlights that younger people, particularly those who marry or move in together before the age of 23, face higher divorce rates. This is linked to the fact that the brain is still developing around this age, and individuals may not be fully prepared for the responsibilities of marriage or cohabitation.

What role does brain development play in the decision to marry or cohabit?

The video points out that the brain starts to fully develop around the age of 23. This developmental stage affects decision-making, and young people who cohabit or marry before this age may not be ready for the emotional and logistical responsibilities involved in these relationships.

What is the 'sunk cost fallacy' mentioned in the video?

The 'sunk cost fallacy' refers to the psychological phenomenon where people are reluctant to break up or end a relationship because they have already invested significant time, energy, or resources. This fallacy can cause people to stay in a relationship longer than they should, even if it's no longer working.

How does the sunk cost fallacy affect couples living together?

Couples who live together may feel more compelled to stay in the relationship, even if they are unhappy, because they have invested so much in it. This makes the transition to marriage or breaking up more difficult, as the emotional and logistical hurdles become more significant.

Why does Lacy emphasize the importance of thinking carefully before moving in together?

Lacy stresses that moving in together is a major decision, even if you're serious about the relationship. It’s important to consider both emotional compatibility and practical aspects, such as leases and living arrangements, as they can complicate things if the relationship ends.

What are some practical concerns about cohabiting that the video highlights?

The video highlights that once you sign a lease, it becomes a big commitment. Breaking up while living together can be a logistical challenge, as it involves splitting belongings, finding new housing, and dealing with emotional and financial stress.

What personal experiences do Lacy and Anthony share about cohabitation?

Lacy and Anthony both share that while they feel cohabitation can be a good test for compatibility, they also acknowledge the challenges. Lacy mentions how the decision is significant and should not be taken lightly, and Anthony reflects on the emotional difficulty of living with someone and breaking up.