Body Sovereignty and Kids: How we can cultivate a culture of consent | Monica Rivera | TEDxCSU

Summary

The speaker, a gender-based violence educator, explores the concept of body sovereignty, emphasizing the importance of consent from a young age. Through classroom exercises and personal parenting experiences, she highlights how societal norms often overlook the need for explicit consent, even in close relationships. She advocates for teaching children about body autonomy, setting boundaries, and respecting others' boundaries as crucial steps to prevent future sexual violence. The speaker also challenges the notion of 'boys will be boys' and encourages raising children with a strong sense of personal agency, ultimately aiming to reduce the rates of sexual violence.

Takeaways

• 📚 The speaker teaches a class on gender-based violence at Colorado State University and uses the question of body ownership to initiate discussions on consent.
• 👥 A 24-hour assignment is given where students must ask for and give explicit verbal consent before any physical contact, revealing patterns in gender-based reactions.
• 🚺 Female students often report feeling stressed about setting boundaries and fear of hurting others' feelings, while male students realize they touch others, especially women, without asking.
• 🤔 The activity shows that people are more defensive about consent when it comes from close relationships, indicating a resistance to change in personal interactions.
• 👶 The speaker advocates for teaching consent and body sovereignty to children at a young age, rather than waiting for formal sex education classes.
• 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 The speaker shares personal experiences raising children, emphasizing the importance of incorporating consent into everyday family values and interactions.
• 🙅‍♂️ The phrase 'your body, your choice' is used to allow children to make decisions about their bodies, teaching them autonomy and respect for personal boundaries.
• 🗣️ 'Body literacy' is highlighted as crucial, which includes using correct anatomical terms, listening to children's feelings about their bodies, and reading body cues.
• 👶 Children are taught that 'no' can be fun and non-punitive, normalizing the setting of boundaries in play and interactions.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The speaker stresses the importance of not just raising kids, but raising adults who understand and respect body sovereignty and consent, challenging traditional gender norms.
• 🔑 The speaker concludes that by teaching consent and body sovereignty from a young age, we can help reduce rates of sexual violence and create a culture of respect.

Q & A

What is the purpose of the activity involving giving and receiving verbal consent in the speaker's class?

The activity is designed to help students understand the importance of explicit verbal consent and how frequently people touch others without asking for permission. It helps raise awareness about boundaries, consent, and body sovereignty.

What patterns do women in the class report after participating in the consent activity?

Women in the class often report being touched frequently by friends, partners, bosses, teachers, and strangers, and they experience stress and anxiety about setting boundaries, fearing they might hurt someone's feelings or make others angry.

How do men in the class respond to the consent activity?

Men realize that they touch people, particularly women, frequently throughout the day. When interacting with other men, their touch is often in a combative or playful manner.

What response do students observe from others when they use the consent activity as part of a class assignment?

Students observe that people close to them, such as friends and loved ones, tend to become defensive when asked for consent, with responses like 'I shouldn't have to ask for consent before hugging my best friend.'

Why does the speaker believe many students lack a full understanding of consent?

The speaker believes many students lack understanding because they have not been taught the concept of consent clearly before arriving at college. This lack of education contributes to high rates of sexual violence, as students don't fully grasp what consent means.

How does the speaker define consent?

Consent is defined as a sober and enthusiastic 'yes' before any activity. It is a clear, voluntary agreement between all parties involved.

What strategies does the speaker use to teach body sovereignty to their children?

The speaker uses several strategies: avoiding 'the talk' and having many smaller conversations, reinforcing the principle of 'your body, your choice,' promoting body literacy by using anatomically correct terms, and respecting their children's boundaries.

What does 'your body, your choice' mean in the speaker's household?

'Your body, your choice' means that the speaker allows their children to make decisions about their own bodies when it is safe to do so, such as choosing whether to wear a coat or deciding whether to give physical affection.

How does the speaker's family incorporate the concept of body literacy?

They teach body literacy by using correct anatomical terms, encouraging their children to express bodily sensations, and helping them recognize body cues, such as facial expressions, to understand when someone is uncomfortable.

Why does the speaker believe teaching consent early can help reduce sexual violence?

The speaker believes that teaching consent and body sovereignty from a young age helps create adults who respect boundaries and understand consent, which could reduce the rates of sexual violence over time.