Sexless marriage: a breach of contract

Summary

In this talk, Dr. Orion terban addresses the issue of sexless marriages, suggesting that a unilateral decision to stop having sex in a monogamous relationship is akin to cheating. He argues that such a decision breaches the agreement of exclusivity, effectively ending the monogamous aspect of the relationship. Dr. terban encourages considering this perspective and explores the implications for the relationship's other dimensions, advocating for patience and communication but also recognizing the limits of sexual abstinence in a committed partnership.

Takeaways

• 🚫 **Sexless Marriage as Cheating**: Dr. Orion terban posits that categorically refusing sex in a monogamous relationship is a form of cheating.
• 😔 **Emotional Impact**: The experience of sexual rejection within marriage can be hurtful, infuriating, and demoralizing for men.
• 👥 **Mutual Consent**: Sex in a marriage should be consensual and cannot be forced by one party if the other is unwilling.
• 🔄 **Potential for Change**: It's possible to rekindle the sexual aspect of a relationship, but it requires time, effort, and no guarantee of success.
• 🤔 **Self-Improvement**: Men in sexless marriages might need to become more attractive, seductive, or emotionally provocative to improve their situation.
• 📜 **Breaking the Agreement**: Refusing sex can be seen as breaking the monogamous agreement, similar to having an affair.
• 🔄 **Two-Way Cheating**: Cheating isn't just about taking more; it can also be about receiving less than what was agreed upon in a relationship.
• 🏠 **Beyond Sex**: A marriage encompasses more than just sex; it includes children, resources, services, lifestyle, history, and emotions.
• 📝 **Severability Clause**: Just as in contracts, a violation of one term (like sexlessness) doesn't invalidate the entire relationship agreement.
• 🌱 **Patience and Grace**: Long-term relationships may experience fluctuating sexual interest, and it's important to be patient and understanding.
• 🚨 **Final Straw**: If all efforts to resolve a sexless marriage fail, it may indicate that the monogamous agreement is no longer valid.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed by Dr. Orion terban in the transcript?

The main topic discussed is sexless marriage and the concept of unilaterally refusing to have sex within an exclusive monogamous relationship being considered a form of cheating.

How does Dr. Orion terban define cheating within the context of a monogamous relationship?

Dr. Orion terban defines cheating as any intentional violation of the rules of a monogamous relationship, which includes having more than one lover or deciding unilaterally to have no lover at all.

What does Dr. Orion terban suggest is a possible solution for bringing sex back into a dead bedroom?

Dr. Orion terban suggests that it's possible to bring sex back into a dead bedroom but it requires time, effort, and there's no guarantee that anything will work.

What does Dr. Orion terban mean when he says that men in sexless marriages are no longer in a monogamous relationship?

Dr. Orion terban means that if a partner in a monogamous relationship decides unilaterally to stop having sex, they are breaching the agreement of exclusivity, thus no longer being in a monogamous relationship.

What does Dr. Orion terban suggest is the consequence of a partner deciding to have no sex in a monogamous relationship?

Dr. Orion terban suggests that the consequence is that the partner is no longer in a monogamous relationship and should not be held accountable for acting non-monogamously.

What does Dr. Orion terban propose as an analogy to explain the concept of cheating in monogamous relationships?

Dr. Orion terban uses the analogy of a contract where if one party violates a part of the agreement, the rest of the agreement still stands, but the violated clause is no longer in force.

What does Dr. Orion terban argue about the societal reaction to men who have sex with more than one person versus those who have sex with zero people?

Dr. Orion terban argues that society often severely punishes men for having sex with more than one person but does not hold the same standard for those who have sex with zero people, despite both being a breach of the monogamous agreement.

What advice does Dr. Orion terban give to men who have been in sexless marriages for years?

Dr. Orion terban advises that these men are no longer in a monogamous relationship and should consider the monogamy clause as severed from the rest of the relationship agreement.

What is the title of Dr. Orion terban's book, and what does it cover?

The title of Dr. Orion terban's book is 'The Value of Others'. It covers his economic model of relationships, explains the behavior of men and women in mating and dating, and provides actionable advice on the sexual marketplace.

How does Dr. Orion terban suggest treating sexlessness as a form of cheating might affect its prevalence?

Dr. Orion terban suggests that treating sexlessness as a form of cheating might help reduce its prevalence by providing a natural consequence for the condition, which is currently not widely recognized.

What does Dr. Orion terban recommend for those who have tried various approaches to resolve a sexless marriage without success?

Dr. Orion terban recommends that if all attempts have been made and the partner still isn't interested in sex, it may be time to consider that the monogamy clause has been severed from the relationship agreement.