Dr. Jordan Peterson Explains 12 Rules for Life in 12 Minutes
Summary
TLDRThe video discusses a series of life rules designed to enhance personal responsibility and well-being. These include standing tall, treating yourself as someone worth helping, choosing friends who support your growth, and focusing on self-improvement. Other rules emphasize humility, truth-telling, meaningful actions, listening, and clear communication. The speaker highlights parenting, encouraging independence in children, and embracing risks. Lastly, dealing with life’s hardships involves focusing on the present and appreciating small moments, symbolized by petting a cat when you encounter one. The video advocates self-awareness, resilience, and courage in navigating life’s challenges.
Takeaways
- 🧍 Rule One: Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
- 🤝 Rule Two: Treat yourself as someone responsible for helping others.
- 👫 Rule Three: Make friends with those who want the best for you.
- 🆚 Rule Four: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.
- 🚫 Rule Five: Don't let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.
- 🏡 Rule Six: Put your house in perfect order before criticizing the world.
- 🌟 Rule Seven: Do what is meaningful, not what is expedient.
- 🗣️ Rule Eight: Tell the truth or at least don't lie.
- 👂 Rule Nine: Assume the person you're listening to knows something you don't.
- 💬 Rule Ten: Be precise in your speech.
- 🛹 Rule Eleven: Don't bother children when they're skateboarding.
- 🐱 Rule Twelve: Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street.
Q & A
What is the first rule mentioned in the transcript?
-The first rule is to stand up straight with your shoulders back.
According to the transcript, what is the purpose of Rule Two and Rule Three?
-Rule Two is to treat yourself like someone responsible for helping, and Rule Three is to make friends with those who want the best for you. They are designed to make life more difficult, not easier, as a way to inject difficulty into life.
What does the speaker say about Kierkegaard's view on difficulty in life?
-Kierkegaard believed that as life became easier, people would eventually cry out for difficulty, and he saw his role as making life more difficult for everyone.
How does Rule Four address the issue of envy?
-Rule Four advises comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today, to avoid envy and focus on self-improvement.
What is the main guideline of Rule Five regarding children?
-Rule Five suggests not letting your children do anything that makes you dislike them, emphasizing the importance of teaching children how to behave so that they are welcomed by the social world.
What does 'put your house in perfect order before you criticize the world' mean according to the transcript?
-This phrase means to bind your ambition with humility and work on what's right in front of you before engaging in large-scale transformation of others.
Why is it important to tell the truth according to Rule Eight?
-Telling the truth is important because lying corrupts the instinctual mechanisms that manifest as meaning, making it difficult to trust your own perceptions.
What is the significance of Rule Nine in terms of personal growth?
-Rule Nine suggests assuming that the person you're listening to knows something you don't, which is a recognition of your own ignorance and a way to foster personal growth.
What does Rule Ten emphasize about speech?
-Rule Ten emphasizes being precise in your speech, which is related to the idea that you don't get what you don't aim at, suggesting that specifying your goals can help you achieve them.
How does Rule Eleven relate to courage and encouragement?
-Rule Eleven advises not to bother children when they're skateboarding, which is a metaphor for encouraging children to take necessary risks to develop competence, rather than sheltering them out of cowardice.
What is the metaphorical meaning of Rule Twelve about petting a cat?
-Rule Twelve uses the act of petting a cat as a metaphor for appreciating small things when you don't know what to do, especially during times of crisis or tragedy.
Outlines
📚 Self-Improvement and Personal Responsibility
The paragraph discusses a set of rules for personal development and behavior. Rule one emphasizes the importance of physical posture as a metaphor for personal integrity. Rule two and three encourage treating oneself with the respect due to a helpful individual and surrounding oneself with people who demand the best, which can be challenging. Rule four advises comparing oneself to who they were yesterday rather than someone else today to avoid envy. Rule five is about not letting children do things that make others dislike them, focusing on social acceptance. Rule six suggests ordering one's own life before criticizing the world, advocating for humility and local improvement. Rule seven promotes doing what is meaningful over what is expedient. Rule eight stresses the importance of truth-telling for maintaining trust in one's own judgment. Rule nine is about assuming that others know something you don't, promoting a stance of learning and respect for others' knowledge. Lastly, rule ten encourages precision in speech to improve one's ability to manifest desired outcomes.
🤔 The Pursuit of Knowledge and Ignorance
This section delves into the importance of acknowledging one's own ignorance and the pursuit of knowledge. It suggests that what you don't know is more important than what you do know, especially if you believe there's room for improvement in your life. The speaker encourages actively seeking out new information and learning from others, even if the communication is difficult. The idea is that every conversation has the potential to reduce one's ignorance. The speaker also touches on the concept of aiming for potential and the idea that specificity in speech can help manifest desired outcomes, drawing parallels to the New Testament's teachings about asking and receiving.
🛹 Encouragement and the Importance of Risk
The final paragraph focuses on the concept of encouragement, particularly in the context of parenting and personal growth. It argues that while guiding children to act in a socially desirable way is important, it's equally important to encourage them to take risks necessary for their development. The speaker warns against sheltering children from the world's difficulties, suggesting that it's a form of cowardice that can hinder their growth. The metaphor of not bothering children when they're skateboarding is used to illustrate the idea of allowing children to face challenges. The paragraph also includes a discussion on dealing with tragedy and uncertainty by narrowing one's time frame and focusing on the immediate, as well as the importance of finding moments of appreciation even in the midst of hardship. The paragraph concludes with a sponsored message about Blinkist, an app that condenses book summaries for efficient learning.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Responsibility
💡Difficulties
💡Envy
💡Truth
💡Ignorance
💡Courage
💡Humility
💡Meaningful
💡Precision
💡Fragility
💡Competence
Highlights
Rule one emphasizes standing up straight with your shoulders back.
Rule two is about treating yourself as if you're responsible for helping others.
Rule three suggests making friends with people who want the best for you.
Rule four advises comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, not to others.
Rule five is about not letting your children do anything that makes you dislike them.
Rule six encourages putting your house in order before criticizing the world.
Rule seven is about doing what is meaningful, not what is expedient.
Rule eight stresses the importance of telling the truth or at least not lying.
Rule nine is about assuming the person you're listening to knows something you don't.
Rule ten suggests being precise in your speech to aim accurately at your goals.
Rule eleven is about not bothering children when they're skateboarding, a metaphor for encouraging independence.
Rule twelve encourages petting a cat when you encounter one, a metaphor for finding comfort in small things during difficult times.
Kierkegaard's view that people will cry out for difficulty as life becomes easier.
The idea that making life more difficult can be beneficial, as proposed by Kierkegaard.
The concept that aiming high and having something worthwhile to strive for is essential to avoid envy.
The importance of humility in conjunction with ambition, as expressed in rule six.
The necessity of telling the truth to maintain trust in your own perceptions.
The value of recognizing your own ignorance and learning from others.
The psychological impact of specifying your goals and the benefits of precision in speech.
The metaphor of not doing anything for others they can do for themselves, promoting independence.
The importance of allowing children to take necessary risks for their development.
The concept of narrowing your time frame to cope with immediate challenges effectively.
Transcripts
rule one
is stand up straight with your shoulders
back
and rule two is treat yourself like
you're someone
responsible for helping a number three
which is very tightly associated with
number two
they're sort of variations on a theme is
make friends with
those people who want the best for you
by the way these last two rules aren't
injunctions designed to make your life
easier
they're actually injections designed to
make your life more difficult
kierkegaard said at one point that his
role in life
given that everything was proceeding to
become
easier and easier in all possible ways
that there would come a time when
people would cry out for difficulty and
so that's partly how he envisioned his
role
in the world interestingly enough as a
universal benefactor of mankind
who would strive to do nothing other
than to make life more difficult for
everyone
right and so rule two and three are like
that because
treat yourself as if you're someone
responsible for helping
isn't the same as be nice to yourself
it's not that
and to associate with people who want
the best for you
means that they get to demand the best
from you
and that's also not an easy thing rule
four
is compare yourself to who you were
yesterday and not to who someone else
is today and that's an injunction about
envy
you need things that are above you
because you need to do something
worthwhile with your life you need
something to aim at but one of the
consequences of that
is that you can become envious of people
that you believe have
attained more in a deserved or
undeserved manner and
that can make you better and so it's
much better to compare yourself to
yourself
and to use yourself as the target for
improvement and comparison
rule five is don't let your children do
anything that makes you dislike them
and the rule of thumb there is if you
dislike them
then other people will and it's a bad
idea to allow your children to act in a
way
that makes other children dislike them
or adults
dislike them given that they're going to
have to deal with children
and they're going to have to deal with
adults so your primary responsibility as
a parent is to
help your child learn how to behave so
that the social world
opens up its arms to them and welcomes
them
at every level and you've done your job
if you can manage that
and it's not a simple thing to do rule
six is
put your house in perfect order before
you criticize the world
and that's not take no
action for others until you have your
act together that isn't what the rule
means
it means that bind your ambition with
humility
and work on what's right in front of you
that you will suffer for
if you get wrong before you engage in
the large-scale transformation of other
people
rule seven is do what is meaningful
and not what is expedient and i would
say in some sense that's the core
ethos of the book not exactly because
rule eight which is tell the truth or at
least don't lie
is a necessary conjunction to that or a
necessary
additional element because i don't think
that you can pursue what is meaningful
without telling the truth and the reason
for that is if you don't tell the truth
or let's say if you lie
which is an easier way to think about it
you corrupt
the mechanisms the instinctual
mechanisms that
manifest themselves as meaning and then
you can't trust them
and that's a very bad idea so the
fundamental
reason to not lie is because you corrupt
your own perceptions if you lie
and when you corrupt your own
perceptions then you can't rely on
yourself
and if you can't rely on yourself then
well good luck to you
because what are you going to rely on in
the absence of
your own judgment you've got nothing if
you if you lose that
rule 8 is as i said tell the truth or
don't
or at least don't lie rule 9 assume that
the person that you're listening to
knows something you don't
and that's not so much a mark of respect
for the person although it is that
it's a mark of recognition of your own
unbearable ignorance
one of the things you have to do in life
you have to decide what's more important
what you know or what you don't know
first of all there's a lot of what you
don't know
and so if you make friends with that if
you decide that's important then
well that's a good thing because you're
going to be surrounded by what you don't
know
your entire life and so if you're
appreciative of that then that's going
to make things go better for you
but the other element of that is
well why should you be appreciative of
what you don't know and the answer to
that is well you shouldn't if your life
is absolutely perfect in every way
you have exactly what you need and want
you've put everything in order around
you then what you know is sufficient but
if you
believe that things could still be put
right around you
in your own personal life and with
regard to the effect that you have on
other people
then obviously what you don't yet know
is more important than what you do know
and you should be paying attention to
find out what you don't know at every
possible moment
and if you're fortunate when you have a
conversation with someone and you're
actually interested in what they say
then
even if they're not very good at
communicating even if they're awkward or
even if they display a certain amount of
enmity towards you
there's always the possibility that they
might tell you something you don't know
in which case you can walk away from the
conversation less
ignorant and corrupt than you were when
you started the conversation
and if your life isn't everything that
you would like it to be
then being slightly less ignorant and
corrupt is probably a good thing
and so rule 10 is be precise in your
speech
and that's that's an observation i would
say that's
a variant of a new testament injunction
which is
or maybe a description of the nature of
the world which is
knock and the door will open and ask and
you will receive
which is a very strange theory
let's say but which i would say is far
more in accordance
with what we know about the psychology
of perception
let's say than you might imagine because
it is the case that you don't get what
you don't aim at
you might get what you do aim at and
your aim might get better as you aim as
well which is something to consider
if you specify the nature of the
actually if you specify the nature of
the being that you want to bring into
being
then you radically increase the
probability that that's what will occur
and
of course you all know that because you
regard yourself
at least to some degree as active
creative agents right
your fundamental attitude towards
yourself
at least in the manner that you act
towards yourself is that
you wake up in the morning and you have
a landscape of possibilities that
lay themselves open to you and you make
choices
between those possibilities and
determine in consequence
how the world is going to manifest
itself so you confront
a field of potential that's a good way
of thinking about it
and through your choices you determine
which elements of that potential are
going to
concretize themselves into the real
world and
you are very unhappy with yourself if
you don't do that properly and
you're very unhappy with other people if
they don't do that properly and
you're very unhappy with other people if
they don't treat you
like that's what you're like because
part of what you
demand from people let's say in terms of
sheer civility is that
they act towards you is if you're the
locus of voluntary choice in a world of
potential and you upgrade each other for
that as well if you have children
and parents your parents will say to you
if you're fortunate you're not living up
to your potential
which is actually a compliment in a
sense even though it's also
a judgment and the compliment is i know
perfectly well that you could be more
than you are
and you'll hang your head if you have
any sense and you'll think like you
think in relationship to your own
conscience that
yes i have a lot of potential that i'm
not fully realizing and that
actually constitutes a transgression
against the good
and i don't i don't think i've ever met
anyone who doesn't
believe that if you if you have a
reasonable conversation with them it
just seems
self-evident i mean maybe now and then
you meet someone who's narcissistically
self-satisfied but
then they're narcissistic and that's not
good that as a as a
medium to long-term strategy that's a
catastrophe that ends in disaster
you know it's a short term it protects
people but long term
it's not good in the least and of course
other people don't appreciate it as well
rule 11 is don't bother children when
they're skateboarding
and that's actually a discussion of
courage of encouragement
more specifically because i've i've been
trying to understand for example
what role parents play in the lives of
their children and i would say this is a
role that
is of fundamental importance as well as
attempting to
guide your children so that they act in
a socially desirable manner
so that the world opens itself up to
them you also
want to encourage them which is not the
same as sheltering them
it's not the same at all and to
encourage someone is to say
something like or to act out something
like look kid
the world's already difficult because
the world isn't easy for children any
more than it's easy for adults the
difficulties are
they're not the same their child size
difficulties but there's still
difficulties
the world is a very hard place and
it's a bitter place in many ways and
it's not only a hard and bitter place
it's also
touched with betrayal and malevolence
and that's
the fundamental bottom line but there's
something
in you that is capable of
taking that full on and transcending it
and that's encouragement you say well
as difficult as things are
you're up to the challenge and to
interfere with
children when they're skateboarding for
example when they're doing
let's say inadvisably dangerous things
which kids of course do
if they're skateboarding to interfere
with that is to
interfere with the child's willingness
to voluntarily expose themselves to the
risks
that they need to expose themselves to
in order to develop the sort of
competence
that allows them to thrive in a world
they cannot be sheltered from
and so to interfere with children when
they're
taking necessary risks is not love or
empathy
but cowardice on the part of parents and
it's deeply damaging to children
and i can tell you as a clinical
psychologist i've never had
a client come to my office in all the
hundreds of
encounters i've had with people in my
office i've never had a client say
my parents made me too independent that
hasn't happened
once right now my parents made me too
dependent or i conspired with my parents
to perpetuate my dependence that
happened
all the time so there's a rule of thumb
which i think is a good one which i
believe is often applied in nursing
homes by
people who work in nursing homes which
is of course a very difficult job
and the rule is do not do anything for
anyone they can do for themselves
and the reason for that is that it's a
form of theft
rule 12 is pet a cat when you encounter
one on the street and it's a
oddly enough a meditation on fragility
it's a discussion of what you do when
you don't know what to do
and that's really when things have gone
badly for you when you face a terrible
tragedy
in your own personal life or in your
familial life or perhaps even in the
life of your community when things come
crowding in at you
too quickly in the case of a death in
the family or a terrible illness or
the collapse of a dream or any of the
things that can flip your world upside
down
is how do you cope with that and that
chapter contains
discussion of the necessity of narrowing
your time frame
you know because sometimes the right way
to look at the world is across
years and sometimes it's across months
and when things are more out of control
perhaps it's across
days and when things are really when
you're really up against the wall it's
across
hours or even minutes and during those
minutes then you concentrate on
doing as well as you can with what's
right in front of you for the
longest unit of time that you can
tolerate conceptualizing
maybe that's what you do at someone's
deathbed and while you're doing that
and suffering away madly then you also
take the time to
appreciate everything you can that
manifests itself
that allows itself to be appreciated and
so that's the metaphor of the cat i
suppose
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