Compassion and Kinship: Fr Gregory Boyle at TEDxConejo 2012
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares a heartfelt message about the importance of kinship and compassion, drawing from his experiences working with gang members in Los Angeles. He emphasizes the transformative power of seeing ourselves in others, particularly those marginalized and forgotten. Through stories of former rivals finding common ground and the establishment of Homeboy Industries, he illustrates how community and mutual support can overcome past divisions and build a more just and peaceful society.
Takeaways
- 🙏 The speaker emphasizes the importance of patience and waiting for positive change, as referenced by the prophet Habakuk.
- 🤝 The vision of creating a community of kinship is central to the speaker's message, aiming to see the world differently and to foster a sense of belonging.
- 🌐 Mother Teresa's belief that the world's problems stem from forgetting our interconnectedness is highlighted as a key diagnostic of societal ills.
- 💔 The speaker discusses the need to stand against the marginalization and dehumanization of certain groups, advocating for compassion and dignity for all.
- 📱 The humorous anecdote about learning to text from gang members illustrates the speaker's commitment to staying connected and understanding different communities.
- 😅 A light-hearted story about a text message exchange between former rivals shows how relationships can change and heal over time.
- 🏭 The Homeboy Industries' journey from a small endeavor to a large organization that helps former gang members is detailed, showing the power of community support.
- 🌟 The impact of providing services like tattoo removal is underscored, highlighting the practical ways Homeboy Industries helps people reintegrate into society.
- 🍽️ A story involving Diane Keaton at the Homegirl Cafe illustrates the unexpected connections and kinship that can form in these supportive environments.
- 👨👩👧👦 The speaker shares a touching story about a former gang member's daughter going to college, showing how hope and change can ripple through families.
- 🕊️ The narrative of transformation from enemies to friends among workers at Homeboy Industries is a recurring theme, demonstrating the power of shared experiences and mutual respect.
Q & A
What was the speaker's experience at the foster grandparents gathering?
-The speaker shared an emotional encounter after speaking at a foster grandparents gathering where a grandmother tearfully told him that after hearing him the previous year, she realized that life never gets better.
What does the speaker suggest is the vision for a community?
-The speaker suggests that the vision for a community is to create a community of kinship where God might re-recognize it, and where people remember that they belong to each other.
How does the speaker describe the transformation of Manuel and Snoopy's relationship?
-The speaker describes how Manuel and Snoopy, once enemies who shot bullets at each other, now exchange text messages, illustrating the concept of kinship.
What is the purpose of Homeboy Industries?
-Homeboy Industries is a gang intervention, rehabilitation, and re-entry center that aims to provide services and employment opportunities for former gang members and those who have been to prison.
What is the significance of the tattoo removal service at Homeboy Industries?
-The tattoo removal service is significant as it helps individuals remove gang-related tattoos, which can be a barrier to employment and social integration.
How does the speaker describe the change in Bandit's life?
-The speaker describes Bandit's transformation from a gang member selling crack cocaine to becoming a supervisor of a warehouse, owning a home, and having a family.
What is the message behind the story of Bandit's daughter going to college?
-The story of Bandit's daughter going to college symbolizes the breaking of generational cycles and the hope for a better future through education.
What does the speaker mean when he says 'the soul feels its worth'?
-The speaker means that when individuals recognize their own value and potential, they are less susceptible to negative influences and more capable of positive change.
How does the speaker address the issue of enemies working together at Homeboy Industries?
-The speaker addresses the issue by acknowledging the initial tension but highlighting the eventual realization among workers that they are not enemies but colleagues, which leads to a sense of kinship.
What is the significance of the story about 'Puppet'?
-The story of 'Puppet' illustrates the tragic consequences of gang violence and the potential for transformation, as even his enemy 'Youngster' recognized him as a friend after his death.
What is the main takeaway from the speaker's message?
-The main takeaway is the importance of recognizing our shared humanity and kinship, and the potential for positive change when we support and uplift one another.
Outlines
🙏 Apologies and Attention
The speaker begins by expressing gratitude and the privilege of speaking. They humorously apologize for possibly repeating themselves, referencing a past speaking engagement where a grandmother tearfully mentioned that things never get better. The speaker acknowledges the desire for attention, especially among marginalized individuals. They recall a gang member seeking 'undivided attention' and the speaker's willingness to provide it. The speaker then discusses the vision of a world that looks different, referencing the prophet Habakkuk and the concept of waiting for a vision to be fulfilled. The main idea is to create a community of kinship where everyone belongs to each other, as forgetfulness of this belonging is seen as the root of the world's problems. The speaker suggests that by standing with the poor and the powerless, we can help to end demonization and disposability of people.
📱 From Rivals to Texting Friends
The speaker shares a story of Manuel and Boncho, two former gang rivals who now work together at Homeboy Industries. They illustrate the transformation from enemies to friends by exchanging humorous text messages instead of bullets. The concept of kinship is highlighted as a way to achieve compassion and mutual understanding. The speaker reflects on the importance of seeing oneself in others, especially those on the margins of society. They recount their experiences with Homeboy Industries, which began as a response to gang violence in Los Angeles and has grown into a large organization offering various services, including job training, mental health counseling, and tattoo removal. The speaker emphasizes the importance of community and the potential for change and redemption.
🌟 Celebrity Encounters and Mutuality
The narrative continues with a story about an Oscar-winning actress, Diane Keaton, visiting Homeboy Cafe, where she is served by a former gang member, Glenda. The interaction between Diane and Glenda, who initially do not recognize each other, leads to a surprising revelation of their shared past in prison. This encounter exemplifies the concept of kinship and mutuality, where no one is seen as separate or less valuable. The speaker also discusses the role of being an 'enlightened witness,' someone who helps others recognize their own worth through kindness and love. The story of Bandit, a former gang member turned warehouse supervisor, is shared to illustrate the transformative power of support and belief in one's potential.
😢 The Power of Change and Forgiveness
This paragraph tells the story of Bandit, who after years of transformation, seeks a blessing for his daughter before she goes to college. The emotional gathering before the blessing turns into a moment of collective tears, signifying the deep connection and support within the community. The narrative then shifts to the story of 'Youngster,' who despite his past enmity with 'Puppet,' offers to donate blood when Puppet is fatally injured. This act of kindness and the eventual recognition of their friendship underscore the power of change and the human capacity for forgiveness and unity.
🕊️ The Vision of Unity
In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the vision of unity and the mutual longing for kinship. They reiterate the importance of waiting for the fulfillment of this vision, even if it is delayed. The speaker concludes with a message of hope, emphasizing that the dream of being one is not only God's intention but also our deepest personal desire.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Kinship
💡Compassion
💡Marginalized
💡Gang Members
💡Homeboy Industries
💡Rehabilitation
💡Tattoo Removal
💡Forgiveness
💡Enlightened Witness
💡Shame
💡Mutuality
Highlights
The speaker begins by expressing gratitude and sharing a personal anecdote about speaking at a foster grandparents gathering.
The importance of attention, especially for those on the margins of society, is emphasized.
A vision for a world that looks different is presented, with a reference to the prophet Habakuk.
The concept of creating a community of kinship where everyone belongs is introduced.
Mother Teresa's view that the world's problem is forgetting our interconnectedness is mentioned.
The idea of standing with the marginalized as a way to create compassion is discussed.
The speaker shares a humorous story about learning to text from gang members.
A personal story about Manuel and Snoopy, former enemies who now communicate through text messages, illustrating kinship.
The speaker reflects on the importance of seeing ourselves in kinship with those on the margins.
The influence of Cesar Chavez on the speaker's life and the concept of mutuality is shared.
Homeboy Industries' origin story as a response to gang violence is told.
The range of services provided by Homeboy Industries to support gang members is outlined.
The story of Frank, a man with a forehead tattoo, seeking help finding a job, is recounted.
The speaker describes the success of Homeboy Bakery and other businesses within Homeboy Industries.
An encounter with Diane Keaton at Homegirl Cafe is shared, highlighting the concept of kinship.
The speaker discusses the role of enlightened witnesses in helping others realize their worth.
The transformation of a gang member named Bandit from selling drugs to becoming a supervisor is detailed.
A story about Bandit's daughter going to college and the emotional support of the community is shared.
The speaker talks about the difficulty of former enemies working together and the power of human connection.
The tragic story of 'Puppet', a coworker of 'Youngster', who was killed by a rival gang is recounted.
The speaker reflects on the ultimate kinship achieved even in the face of tragedy.
The talk concludes with a reiteration of the vision of unity and the mutual longing for kinship.
Transcripts
thank you very much it's a privilege to
be with you I uh I want to apologize
some of you have probably heard me uh
talk before it happens um I was speaking
at a foster grandparents Gathering uh
some years a ago and uh I had spoken at
it the summer before they I don't know
why they invited me two summers in a row
but uh after the second talk a a
grandmother came up to me I think she
liked the talk she had big tears in her
eyes and she grabbed both my hands and
she said I heard you last
year it never gets
better so kind of kind of hoping she was
misspeaking there
um anyway thank you for your attention
you know anybody just wants some
attention especially folks on the
margins I had a homie a gang member step
into my office the other day very
Earnest 16-year-old gang member standing
in front of my desk and he says look I
need your divided
attention I said you are in
luck
uh you know I suppose there's a vision
that brings you to a place like this
theater for the day and it's a vision of
wanting to see the world uh looking
differently than it currently looks the
prophet habakuk writes the vision still
has its time presses on to fulfillment
and it will not disappoint and if it
delays wait for it but nobody wants to
wait for too long uh we want to make
something happen and that's what I want
to suggest in the brief time I have with
you that what we all want to create and
form is a community of kinship such that
God in fact might re recognize
it I suspect that Mother Teresa
diagnosed the world's ills correctly
when she suggested that the problem in
the world is that we've just forgotten
that we belong to each other so how do
we stand against forgetting that how do
we uh create and imagine a circle of
compassion and then imagine nobody
standing outside that Circle and to that
end what we hope to do all of us I think
is to inch our way out to the margins so
that we can stand with the poor and the
power powerless and the
voiceless that we can stand with those
whose dignity has been
denied with those whose burdens are more
than they can
bear occasionally you get very fortunate
and blessed to be able to stand with the
easily despised and the readily left
out with the
demonized so that the demonizing will
stop and with the Disposable so that the
day will come when we stop throwing
people away
way I suspect that if kinship was our
goal we would no longer be promoting
Justice we would in fact be celebrating
it for no kinship no justice no kinship
no
peace so for 25 years it's been the
privilege of my life to work uh with
gang members and they've taught me
everything of value really uh but
especially in the last couple years they
taught me how to text and I'm so
grateful to them
my uh I find that it sure beats the heck
out of actually talking to people
and and so I'm pretty dextr at at LOL
and OMG and BTW you know and and the
homies have taught me a new one
ohn which apparently stands for oh hell
no and uh I've been using that one quite
a bit lately and so there I am with two
homies Manuel and boncho they're older
vatos who work my at Homeboy Industries
we have 400 employees there and guys
been to prison and tattooed they do a
variety of things they're going to help
me give a talk in Palm Desert at a high
school and so we meet at 9:00 we get in
the car 15 minutes on the road Manuel's
in the front seat and he gets an
incoming text and he Chuckles to himself
I say what is it he goes oh it's dumb
it's from Snoopy back at the office well
I just seen Snoopy Snoopy gave me a big
abas as the day began and Snoopy in
Manuel work together in the clock in
room where they clock in all our uh all
our workers it's a tough job I said
what's he say oh gosh hang on it's dumb
hey dog it's me snoops yeah they got my
ass locked up at County Jail they're
charging me with being the ugliest vat
in
America you have to come down right now
show them they got the wrong
guy well we died laughing you know and
then I realized that Manuel and Snoopy
are
enemies Rivals they used to shoot
bullets at each other now they shoot
text
messages and there's a word for that and
the word is kinship how can we achieve a
certain kind of compassion that stands
in awe at what the poor have to carry
rather than stand in Judgment at how
they carry it for the measure measure of
our compassion lies not in our service
of those on the margins but in our
willingness to see ourselves in kinship
with them in
mutuality it was a great privilege of my
life to uh know Cesar Chavez as a friend
and I can remember once a reporter had
commented to him wow these Farm Workers
they sure love you and cesa just
Shrugged and smiled and he says the
feelings
mutual and that's what we want to
achieve is this sense of mutuality where
where we obliterate once and for all the
illusion that we're
separate no us and them just
us for there's an idea that's taken root
in the world it's at the root of all
that's wrong with it and the idea would
be this that there just might be lives
out there that matter less than other
lives how do we stand against that
idea well Homeboy Industries was born a
nearly 25 years ago when I was pastor of
the porest parish in the city of Los
Angeles Dolores mission nestled in the
middle of two public housing projects
Pico Gardens and Alisal Village at the
time they comprised the largest grouping
of public housing west of the
Mississippi we had eight gangs there uh
half of those gangs at war with the
other half uh I buried my first young
person killed because of the sadness in
1988 and I buried my uh
180th uh some months ago we did a lot of
things we started a school and then a
jobs program and when we couldn't find
enough jobs we started our first
business homeboy Bakery in
1992 a month later we started homeboy
thoras in the Grand Central
Market not everything worked you know
I'll be the first to admit it homeboy
Plumbing was not a huge success
uh who knew people didn't want gang MERS
in their homes
I I did I did not see that
coming and now we we didn't intend to do
that this but uh we have backed our way
into becoming the largest gang
intervention rehab and re-entry Center
in the country
uh so 15,000 folks a year walk through
our doors keep in mind there are 1100
gangs in LA county and uh 86,000 gang
members and so you name anything that
might be helpful we do it from
curricular things like anger management
and parenting lots and lots of mental
health counsel case managers job
developers uh free tattoo removal uh no
place on the planet removes more tattoos
than we do we have a designated Clinic
uh three laser machines 29 doctors 800
treatments uh a month and it was all
started because of a guy named Frank who
wandered out of corkran state prison two
days out of prison and he wanders into
my office and he sitting in front of me
and tattooed on his forehead like a a
banner like a billboard and pardon my
French it says the world wow yeah
and he said um you know I'm having a
hard time finding a
job and I said uh well Frank
uh you know maybe we could put our heads
together on this one you
know so anyway I found a doctor who
donated some time and little by little
we chipped away at his forehead
and we have our chips and Salsas and all
the Ralphs and food for less and we have
homeboy Diner the only place you can get
food in the city hall uh we're about to
move into the LA X American Airlines
terminal we have put a restaurant there
um homeboy uh Bakery homeboy silk screen
homeboy home girl merchandise where we
sell our logo stuff uh we're in 24
different uh farmers markets uh we have
the solar panel installation training
program and hom Girl cafe where women
with records young ladies from rival
gangs waitresses with
Attitude uh we'll gladly take your
order uh last year you know at the cafe
we had a visit from Diane Keaton the
Oscar winning actress uh movie star
Annie Hall Godfather movies and she's
there with a regular guy who's there
once a week and her waitress this day is
Glenda and Glenda's a home girl been
there done that uh tattooed been to
prison the Felon the paroi she doesn't
know who Dian Keaton is and so she's
taking her order and Dian Katon says
what do you
recommend and uh Glenda rattles off the
three platillos that she particularly
likes and and Dian Keon says I'll have
that second one that sounds good and
then something Dawns on Glenda exactly
that moment she says wait a minute I I
feel like I know you from somewhere like
maybe we've
met and uh Keaton decides to deflect it
humbly oh gosh I don't know I suppose I
have one of those faces you know that
people think they've seen before and
then Glenda goes no now I know we were
locked up
together that just took my breath away
when I heard it and uh I don't believe
we've had any further Dian Keaton
sightings since that
moment but suddenly kinship so quick
quickly Oscar winning actress
attitudinal
waitress exactly what God had in
mind and if you'll permit me to uh speak
for
God uh Jesus says it pretty clearly that
you may be
one that's the whole thing that you may
be
one that's the Hope
anyway all of us are called to be what
Alice Miller the late great child
psychologist calls enlightened Witnesses
people who through your kindness and
tenderness and focused attentive love
return people to themselves you don't
hold the bar up and ask anybody to
measure up you just show up and you hold
the mirror up and you tell people the
truth you say you are exactly what God
had in mind when God made
you and then you watch people become
that truth you watch them inhabit that
truth and no bullet can pierce it no
four Prison wall can can't keep it out
and death can't touch it because it's
huge but sometimes you have to reach in
and dismantle messages of Shame and
disgrace that get in the
way so that the soul can feel its
worth uh no homie resisted my offers of
help more than a kid named Bandit uh a
gang member lived in Aisa Village
housing projects I would ride my bike in
the middle of the night and I'd uh see
him run up to cars and sell crack
cocaine and walk away counting his money
I'd say how about a real job and he was
very polite you know that's okay G
thanks
though until one day 15 years ago he
shows up in my office I couldn't believe
he was there and he says what gang
members often say I'm tired of being
tired so I walked him to one of our job
developers and as luck would have it
they located an entrylevel unskilled
low-paying job first kind of job in a
warehouse now cut to today Bandit runs
the whole thing he's the supervisor of
the
supervisors owns his own home he's
married has three
kids well I hadn't heard from him in in
like two years and he calls me one
Friday afternoon a little bit breathless
and panicky he says gee you got to bless
my daughter I said is she sick is she in
the
hospital oh no no on Sunday she's going
to humbold
college imagine my oldest she's going
going to college but she's a little
chaparita than we're afraid for you you
think there's you any way you could give
her a blessing before she goes I go are
you kidding I I'd be honored look
tomorrow's Saturday I have baptisms at 1
why don't you come at 12:30 we'll do a
little send off and sure enough Bandon
and his wife and the three kids show up
at
12:30 and we situate everybody in front
of the Altar and I said well let's put
Jessica in the middle let's surround her
with our bodies and with our love
everybody touch her connect to her put
your hands on her shoulder on on her
arms go ahead put your hands on her head
and I said you know bow your heads close
your
eyes and as the homies say I do a long
ass prayer you know I go on and on
and and and somewhere in the middle of
this prayer I noticed we've all become
chones you know we're all crying we're
all sniffling I don't know why we're
crying except for the fact that Bandit
and his wife don't know anybody who's
ever gone to college except me certain
nobody in their
families so you know we kind of wipe our
eyes and we laugh about how mushy we got
and and so to change the subject I look
at Jessica hey what are you going to
study at humbold college she was very
quick forensic psychology I go damn
forensic
psychology and Bandit chames in yeah she
wants to study the Criminal
Mind and Jessica very dead pen looks at
her father and she does one of these you
and and he sees her and says yeah I'm
going to be her first
subject so we walk out to the car and
big abadas and they Pile in the car but
but Bandit hangs back I'm glad he has
and I say hey can I tell you
something I give you credit for the man
you've chosen to
become for choosing to walk in your own
footsteps I'm proud of
you and his eyes well up with tears and
he says sa K I'm proud of
myself all my life people called me a
low life
a but good for
nothing I guess I showed
him I said yeah I guess you
did and the Soul feels its
worth people always ask me about enemies
who work together it's kind of tense at
first a homie will come in and say I'm
ready I'm ready and I'll say okay have
an opening in the bakery but you have to
work with X Y and Z and I rattle off the
names of Rivals and they always say the
same thing they always say uh I'll work
with them but I'm not going to talk to
them but you know that used to bother me
in the early days but you know the truth
is human beings can't demonize people
they know it's hard to sustain that
really so I had a homie named a
youngster little tiny guy everybody
called him youngster and I thought he
was ready so I bring him into the
homeboy a silk screen Factory and I
introduce him to all his 30 co-workers
that's our biggest business huge Factory
and I watch him as he shakes hands with
everybody looking them in the eyes even
enemies until he gets to the last guy a
guy everybody called puppet and puppet
seems to be avoiding this encounter all
together and when puppet and youngster
are in each other's vicinity they kind
of Mumble something they stare at their
shoes they don't shake hands well I know
they're enemies but he just finished
shaking hands with other enemies
I discover later that this is uh a
hatred that's quite personal and deep
Beyond which neither of them think they
can get past so I sense that at the
moment and I say hey if you guys can't
hang working together let me know I got
a bunch of people want this job and they
say
nothing six months later puppet is
walking to a corner store not far from
his home and buy something and but on
the way home he kind of takes a detour
shortcut cuts into an Aly suddenly he's
surrounded by 10 members of a rival gang
10 against one they beat him
badly he falls to the ground while he's
lying on the ground they will not stop
kicking his head until he's lying there
lifeless somebody finds his body takes
him to White Memorial Hospital where
he's declared effectively brain
dead though it's the policy there to
keep you connected to machines for 48
hours so the doctors can get two days of
a flat read then they sign the death
certificate this allowed family and
friends to gather I was in St Louis
University giving a talk I flew
home I've seen a lot of horrible things
in my
life but nothing to compare to the sight
of this young man with his head swollen
many many times at size it it was
horrifying you could barely train your
eyes on him
so at the end of the 48 hour period I
gave him a blessing i anointed his
forehead with oil we
disconnected and a week later I buried
him but in the first 24 hours I'm alone
in my office it's 8:30 at night and the
phone rings and it's youngster from the
silk screen Factory puppet's
coworker hey he
says that's messed up about what
happened to
puppet I said yeah it is
and then with a certain kind of
eagerness even he says is there anything
I can do can I give him my
blood and we both fall silent under the
weight of it until finally he breaks the
silence choking back his tears and he
says with great
deliberation he was not my
enemy he was my
friend we worked together
now can I say that always happens at
Homeboy
Industries
yeah any
exceptions
no and it shouldn't surprise us that
God's Own dream come true for us that we
be
one just happens to be our own deepest
longing for
ourselves it turns out
it's
mutual for the vision still has its time
presses on to
fulfillment and it will not
disappoint and if it
delays we can wait for
it thank you very much
thank you
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