Drinking and how it changed my life: Ann Dowsett-Johnston at TEDxHomeBushRdWomen

Summary

In this emotional and insightful talk, the speaker reflects on her journey as a high-functioning alcoholic and her struggle to confront the truth about her addiction. She shares personal stories, including the impact on her family and the turning point of her recovery. The talk explores broader issues like the increasing alcohol consumption among women, the influence of marketing, and the dangers of self-medication. Ultimately, the speaker highlights her sobriety journey, emphasizing the importance of overcoming denial and finding strength in recovery.

Takeaways

• 😀 A writer visits heaven and hell, noticing that both places have writers working under pressure. The difference: in heaven, they get published.
• 📚 The speaker celebrates publishing her first book, but also reveals that she has publicly outed herself as an alcoholic in the process.
• 👩‍💼 The modern alcoholic is often a well-educated, high-functioning woman, a stigma the speaker acknowledges after struggling with her own addiction.
• 🖋️ Alcoholism is a secret life for many, and the speaker shares that despite not fitting the stereotype, she too suffered from the disease.
• 👪 The speaker reflects on her mother's struggle with alcohol and Valium, which shaped her determination not to follow the same path.
• 💔 A handmade card from her son with the message 'Perrier, not wine' became a turning point for the speaker, revealing that her family noticed her drinking problem.
• 🍷 Alcoholism can progress over time, and it took the speaker several years after recognizing her problem to finally quit drinking.
• 🌍 Women are drinking more than ever before, and societal marketing strategies, including 'chick drinks' and 'mommy juice,' have contributed to this trend.
• 🔄 The alcohol industry has actively marketed towards women, with sweet, vodka-infused drinks targeting young females as early as high school.
• 💪 The speaker emphasizes the need for policy changes, such as limiting alcohol marketing and accessibility, to combat the rise in problematic drinking, especially among women.

Q & A

What was the key difference between heaven and hell in the story about writers?

The key difference was that in heaven, the writers get published, whereas in hell, they do not.

Why did the speaker consider outing herself as an alcoholic a 'bad news' moment?

The speaker considered it 'bad news' because she became a very public face of alcoholism, outing herself as the poster girl for the modern alcoholic, which could carry social stigma and potentially affect her professional opportunities.

What three underlying questions did the speaker feel were behind people asking her why she wrote her book?

The speaker felt the underlying questions were: 1) Are you crazy? 2) Don’t you realize you’ll never get hired again? 3) How much did you drink?

How did the speaker's mother influence her views on alcoholism?

The speaker’s mother was a beautiful but lonely woman who became an alcoholic by mixing Valium with alcohol. Seeing her mother’s deterioration over three decades influenced the speaker's strong belief that she would never become an alcoholic, which she later struggled with.

What event caused the speaker to finally realize that she could no longer deny her alcoholism?

The turning point came when the speaker’s 22-year-old son gave her a handmade card that praised her for drinking Perrier instead of wine, which made her realize that her family had noticed her excessive drinking and that she could no longer deny being an alcoholic.

What were the three reasons the speaker identified for why women are drinking more in modern society?

The three reasons identified were: 1) Alcohol has become a 'modern woman's steroid,' helping her cope with the pressures of a still-evolving world. 2) Self-medication for issues like stress, depression, and anxiety. 3) Women are drinking more because they can, and they are being marketed to heavily by the alcohol industry.

What role does alcohol marketing play in increased alcohol consumption among women, according to the speaker?

Alcohol marketing has heavily targeted women since the mid-1990s, with the introduction of 'alcopops' and sweetened, pre-packaged drinks aimed at young women. These drinks are marketed as feminine and fun, encouraging women to drink more, starting at a younger age.

What did the speaker suggest could be done on a policy level to address the global rise in alcohol consumption?

The speaker suggested three policy actions: 1) Reduce alcohol marketing, especially to young people. 2) Implement pricing strategies to make alcohol less accessible, particularly in countries where it is cheaper than other staples. 3) Regulate accessibility, such as limiting where alcohol can be sold.

How did the speaker’s life change after five years of sobriety?

After five years of sobriety, the speaker experienced significant personal growth and healing. She repaired relationships with her family, including her son, sister, and mother, and regained her passion for writing and her own voice. However, she also faced challenges, such as the end of a long-term romantic relationship.

What does the speaker mean by the term 'alcogenic culture'?

The speaker refers to an 'alcogenic culture' as a societal environment where alcohol is prevalent, widely accepted, and even encouraged in social settings, making it harder for individuals to recognize and address unhealthy drinking habits.

Outlines

00:00

😇 Heaven and Hell for Writers

The speaker recounts a humorous story about a writer who visits heaven and hell, discovering that both are filled with stressed writers who missed their deadlines. The key difference, God reveals, is that in heaven, the writers get published. This personal anecdote reflects the speaker’s own success of getting her first book published, while also sharing the vulnerability of revealing her struggle with alcoholism to the world.

05:01

👩‍👦 A Son's Eye-Opening Card

The speaker reflects on her denial of alcoholism, shaped by her experiences growing up with an alcoholic mother. She believed she was different from her mother because she maintained a professional life. However, a handmade card from her son, noticing her sobriety during a root canal recovery, served as a wake-up call. The card highlighted her lack of alcohol consumption, and she realized that she could no longer deny her addiction. Although the realization came then, the speaker admits she continued drinking for two more years before finally achieving sobriety.

10:06

🍷 Alcohol and Women's Changing Habits

The speaker discusses the global rise in alcohol consumption among women, noting that women in wealthier countries are narrowing the drinking gap with men. She explains how alcohol has become a tool for women to manage stress, depression, and the pressures of modern life. The marketing of alcohol, especially to women, has fueled this trend. Brands such as 'Mommy Juice' and 'Skinnygirl' vodka have normalized and glamorized alcohol consumption, masking the dangerous health risks associated with it, including increased rates of breast cancer and liver disease. She questions the long-term impact of this trend, particularly on future generations.

15:08

🛑 The Impact of Alcohol Marketing and a Personal Loss

The speaker reveals how the pervasive alcohol marketing culture affects society, particularly young women, and shares policy ideas for reducing alcohol-related harm, drawing parallels to the successful reduction in tobacco use. On a personal level, she describes a painful breakup with the man she loved, which occurred 18 months into her sobriety. Feeling devastated, she called her son, who helped her see that although she had lost a relationship, she had regained much more in her life, including her family, friends, and personal strength.

Keywords

💡Alcoholism

Alcoholism refers to the chronic dependence on alcohol, marked by an inability to control drinking habits. In the video, the speaker identifies herself as a 'high-functioning alcoholic,' describing how she maintained professional success while struggling with addiction in secret. Her story highlights how alcoholism is a pervasive issue, especially among modern women, and how it can be masked by a high-functioning exterior.

💡High-functioning alcoholic

A high-functioning alcoholic is someone who can maintain their responsibilities, such as work and family life, while struggling with alcohol addiction. The speaker describes herself this way, illustrating how she kept up appearances of success and control even as her drinking spiraled out of control. This concept is important to the video's message, as it challenges the stereotype of what an alcoholic looks like and underscores the hidden nature of addiction.

💡Stigma

Stigma refers to the societal shame or disapproval associated with a particular behavior or condition. The speaker discusses the stigma surrounding alcoholism, especially for women, and how it affected her personal and professional life. Despite her success as a published author, the stigma of being labeled an alcoholic led to job rejections and public scrutiny, revealing how deep-rooted societal judgments about addiction still are.

💡Self-medication

Self-medication involves using substances like alcohol to manage emotional pain, stress, or mental health issues. The speaker shares how she used alcohol as a way to cope with depression and anxiety. This concept ties into the broader theme of how many women turn to alcohol to manage the pressures of life, as well as emotional and mental health struggles.

💡Alcohol marketing

Alcohol marketing refers to the strategies used by the alcohol industry to promote products, often by targeting specific demographics. The speaker highlights how women, especially young women, are increasingly targeted by alcohol companies with products like alcopops, 'Mommy Juice,' and flavored vodka. This marketing has contributed to rising rates of alcohol consumption among women and is a key factor in the normalization of heavy drinking.

💡Alcogenic culture

An alcogenic culture is a society where alcohol consumption is not only normalized but also encouraged. The speaker talks about how alcohol is ingrained in social events, celebrations, and daily routines, with questions like 'red or white?' at gatherings being common. This cultural acceptance of drinking contributes to rising alcohol abuse, especially among women who may drink to manage the stresses of modern life.

💡Depression

Depression is a mental health disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest in daily activities. The speaker discusses her own struggle with depression, which played a significant role in her drinking habits. Depression is linked to self-medication through alcohol, and the video highlights how untreated mental health issues can lead to a destructive cycle of addiction.

💡Women's drinking habits

Women's drinking habits refer to the evolving patterns of alcohol consumption among women. The speaker points out that women are drinking more now than ever before, and the gap between men and women's drinking levels is narrowing, particularly in affluent countries. She explains how societal pressures, self-medication, and aggressive marketing contribute to this trend, making it a major theme of the talk.

💡Recovery

Recovery refers to the process of overcoming addiction and regaining control of one's life. The speaker details her journey to sobriety, which involved years of denial, personal loss, and ultimately, a profound transformation. Recovery is depicted as a challenging but rewarding process, marked by personal growth and the reclaiming of relationships and one's true self.

💡Family dynamics

Family dynamics refer to the patterns of interaction and relationships within a family, which can significantly impact an individual's behavior and mental health. The speaker shares how her mother’s struggles with alcohol and Valium shaped her own views on addiction. She also highlights how her alcoholism affected her relationship with her son, who ultimately helped her see the positive changes sobriety brought to her life.

Highlights

A humorous story about a writer's glimpse of heaven and hell where the difference is that in heaven, writers get published.

The speaker shares a personal achievement of having her first book published globally.

She publicly outs herself as an alcoholic and discusses the stigma and consequences of writing a book about it.

The speaker reveals that she was a 'high-functioning alcoholic' and how this impacted her life and career.

A significant turning point came when her son gave her a handmade card highlighting her sobriety as 'Perrier, not wine.'

Despite the realization, she continued drinking for another two years before getting sober.

The speaker explains that alcoholism is a progressive disease marked by denial and self-deception.

She reflects on how alcohol is becoming a modern coping tool for women, contributing to rising alcohol consumption among females.

Alcohol is often used for self-medication, particularly for stress, anxiety, or depression, which was part of the speaker’s story.

The marketing of alcohol specifically targets women with gendered drinks like 'Mommy Juice' and 'Skinnygirl Vodka.'

Alcopops and flavored drinks were created to attract young girls, leading to higher vodka and tequila consumption in young women.

The increasing alcohol consumption among women is linked to a rise in liver disease and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD).

Alcohol is the number one date rape drug, putting women at higher risk during social events.

The speaker encourages pushing for changes in alcohol marketing, pricing, and accessibility, similar to what was done for tobacco control.

A deeply personal moment is shared when her son helps her reframe her life post-sobriety, focusing on what she gained versus what she lost.

Transcripts

Translator: Theresa Ranft Reviewer: David DeRuwe

Thank you very much.

You know, there's a story that they tell about a writer

who heads up to the pearly gates on a very, very busy day,

and she is not quite sure if she's going to end up in heaven or hell,

and she waits in line for about three hours,

a little bit longer,

and she's a good researcher, and she gets very frustrated.

Finally, she goes up to the front of the line, and she says,

"Do you think I could see God?"

And God comes out and says, "Can I help you?"

And she says, "Not sure if I'm going to heaven or hell,

but I might as well start with hell.

Do you think I could have a sneak peek?"

And God says, "Of course. First door on the right."

So she goes and takes a little peek at hell,

and she sees her worst nightmare.

She sees a whole room full of writers chained to their desks,

clearly they've missed their deadlines.

The clock's going around and around like this.

There's sweat pouring off their brow, their hair is disheveled,

they're tap, tap, tapping away.

And she says, "No, not for me,"

and closes the door,

goes back to the front of the queue and says to God,

"Do I have a minute to see heaven?"

And God says, "Of course, you do.

First door on the left."

So she opens the door,

and, lo and behold, she sees the same damn thing.

Same damn thing.

There's all these poor writers that missed their deadlines,

and sweat's pouring off their brow, and they're tap, tap, tapping away,

and the clock's going around like this.

She closes the door, and she goes up to God and says,

"I don't know, God.

I don't see much difference between heaven and hell."

And God looks at her and says, "My dear, there's a huge difference.

In heaven, the writers get published."

(Laughter)

And that was my truth, that was my heavenly truth this fall.

My book got published.

It got published. My first book.

This is the way it looked here in New Zealand and Australia,

and this is the way that it looked for the rest of the world.

And it was just a heavenly fall that I had.

Maybe spring for you,

but wherever you are in the world, I had a heavenly couple of months.

That was the good news.

The bad news was that I outed myself to the entire world as an alcoholic.

In fact, worse than that,

this was my very public face.

I outed myself as the poster girl for today's modern alcoholic,

and she is female, she is well-educated,

she is professional, she is high functioning,

and she is high bottom -

"high bottom" meaning she hadn't lost everything.

That was me, that was me.

And I went on the publicity circuit all around the world,

and I was asked about my story.

People would always end with the same question:

why did you want to write this book?

And I ultimately considered it

just about the rudest question you could ask me,

because what they were really saying was three things:

number one, are you crazy,

number two, don't you realize you'll never get hired again,

and number three, how much did you drink?

(Laughter)

And the truth is:

number one, I'm not crazy.

I'm not crazy. I believe that our secrets keep us very sick.

Number two, will I ever get hired again?

Well, let's just say, I applied for a job I really cared about, about a month ago,

and I didn't even get a call.

I think when you write a book called "Drink,"

probably they're not so sure they want you.

So the stigma's large, and I'm pretty aware of what I've done

in outing myself.

Number three, how much did I drink?

Well, I drank a lot more than I should have,

over a very short amount of time,

and probably a lot less than you're imagining.

(Laughter)

But this was the book that I wanted to write,

and I have to tell you,

they say we have private lives, and we have professional lives,

and we have secret lives.

And my secret life was the fact

that I had grown up with a beautiful, beautiful mother,

lovely, lovely mother.

This is how she looked.

I'm the one in the glasses in this picture.

I wore glasses from a very young age.

She was beautiful, and she was lonely.

My father traveled all around the world,

and she raised three children by herself,

and it was pre-email.

The doctor gave her Valium, and she drank on the Valium,

and she was, indeed, the poster girl for her era,

the 1960s,

mixing cocktails during the day as a stay-at-home mom

who really devolved over about three decades

into someone who looked very different and who was very different.

It was really tough in our house.

It was the one thing I was sure I was never going to do

was to become an alcoholic.

I was really sure. That was not on my wishlist.

I did not look like my mother, I didn't drink in the day,

I didn't miss work, I won awards at work.

I really was sure I wasn't an alcoholic,

or I prayed that I wasn't one.

It wasn't until I received this very beautiful handmade card

from my 22-year-old son

that I realized maybe there was no denying it.

I received this card from him seven years ago,

and I opened it up, and I thought, "How extraordinary.

He's an artist, it's handmade, it's got a heart behind me.

It says, 'Happy Mother.' "

And I thought, "This is perfect."

I hadn't read the fine print.

I had had a root canal,

and I hadn't been drinking for three weeks,

and he had seen me really sober,

sober every evening.

He'd watched me sleeping well,

he'd watched my moods be very smooth.

And he wrote on one side.

I don't know if you can read it, but it says,

"No bags under her eyes."

And it says, "Writing, not editing."

He knew that I wanted to write

and that I was betraying myself as an individual.

But most importantly, he said,

"Perrier, not wine."

And I received this card, and I knew the gig was up.

I knew there was no denying that I was an alcoholic.

Now, alcoholism is like this:

you will deny it, and it will progress,

and you will deny it and play games with it,

and it will progress -

that's what happened to me.

I'd like to tell you that I quit drinking then,

but I didn't.

I drank for another two years,

and I took a very, very big job, and that's all in my book.

Finally, I got sober.

Finally, I got sober. I did the heavy lifting of recovery,

and it's not for the faint of heart, I have to tell you.

But, five years ago, I gave up drinking,

and it was a new beginning, a new life,

an absolutely new life,

and not totally easy

because, as we all know, we live in an alcogenic culture.

We live in an alcogenic culture, and here is the real truth,

and this is global.

The richer the country, the more narrow the gap

between women's drinking and men's drinking,

and this is the way it's going.

Men have always had more to drink than women.

But men are flatlining or going down just a little bit.

Women are going this way,

and it's confounding epidemiologists.

All around the world, this is what's happening.

Walk into any room, any social event, as you know,

and the first question you're going to be asked right now

is "Red or white?"

Know your wines - you're sophisticated.

Know your vodkas - you're cool, you're hip.

And know your coolers - you're young and female.

We know all the downsides of trans fats and all the downsides of tanning beds,

but we like to think of a glass of red wine

sort of like vitamin D or dark chocolate -

good for our health.

And if we're drinking a little bit too much,

well, we're just sort of drinking like the Italians or French,

imbibing in the name of sophistication.

That's the way we like to look at things.

We don't like to hear, in fact, that 15% of breast cancer cases

are linked to alcohol.

We don't like to know those things.

In fact, we have very, very fuzzy values about alcohol.

And women drinking more than they ever have before -

well, that was the major question of my book.

I knew I wasn't alone. I knew it wasn't just me.

I asked why, and I came up with three reasons:

number one is I think it's become the modern woman's steroid,

enabling her to do the lifting in a still-evolving world.

We're in the middle of a socioeconomic revolution,

and we all know that,

and so many of us race home from a busy day,

stand there at the chopping board, getting ready for dinner,

pour ourselves a glass of wine.

It's benign behavior. It's common behavior.

Get ready for dinner, maybe an evening,

a second shift of overseeing homework

and maybe doing a little work yourself,

and you pour yourself another glass of wine.

For years, this was me.

For years, this was me,

until I had a major depression,

a very serious depression in my 50s.

And that was reason number two: self-medication.

Self-medication was why I drank in a really different way.

Self-medication, in my case, for depression and anxiety,

but for other women, it's a decompression tool.

It's for stress.

In fact, the most common indicator that you're going to have trouble,

as a woman with alcohol,

is childhood sexual abuse.

That's the most common reason.

And the third reason people drink is because they can,

because they can, and it's delightful.

And we are being marketed to.

We are being marketed to in an incredible way.

I've been watching -

in fact, the first question I asked when I took on this project

was "Why? Why are liquor stores full?"

In North America, anyway, a wine's called "Mommy Juice,"

and "Girls' Night Out" wine,

and, yes, "Happy Bitch,"

and "Cupcake" wine, and "French Rabbit" wine.

And why are there all these coolers,

and why is there "Skinnygirl" vodka,

mango-flavored vodka, berry coolers?

These aren't manly drinks.

I ask myself what happened, and I went to the experts,

and I heard the most incredible story

that, in the mid-1990s, the liquor distillery men looked around -

and they were mostly men -

looked around the world and said,

"Beer's cleaning our clock.

Beer's fun, beer's sport, beer's entertainment.

All the Johnnie Walker drinkers were dying out.

What are we going to do?"

They looked around the world and said,

"Who's underperforming, who's not drinking?"

And they saw women, a whole gender!

(Laughter)

A whole gender,

and thus was born the alcopop, those prepackaged little drinks,

vodka-infused, rum-infused, sweet,

aimed at girls, aimed at young girls.

It's high school that's the initiation of drinking most commonly;

university is the escalation.

Sweet drinks to steer young women away from beer.

They're called "chick beer,"

they're called "cocktails with training wheels,"

"starter drinks,"

and they were enormously successful.

So by the time that young women get to university,

they've given them up, but they're drinking vodka.

So you go onto any campus -

and I've been on a lot of campuses recently -

you go on any campus, and you look at what's happening,

and young men and women are playing drinking games.

Forget the frat boy stereotype; it's equal opportunity,

They're playing drinking games,

and he's drinking beer and she's drinking vodka or tequila.

She's two-thirds his size.

She's two-thirds his size,

and she probably didn't eat before that evening,

because often young women these days don't eat before a date.

And we all know that she's at a disadvantage,

we all know she's drinking the stronger drink,

and we all know that alcohol is the number one date rape drug,

and it has been for years.

So that's the story, that's the story of what's happening.

And you ask yourself about this.

You ask yourself about why this generation is not slowing down in their 20s,

and they're not slowing down in their 30s.

And think about this:

that increase is the steepest for young women

between the ages of 24 and 36 -

24 and 36, those are the same women who are giving birth to 60% of the babies.

And the FASD numbers, rates, are going like this as well.

This is not a pretty picture.

So, I'm not trying to rain on our parade,

I'm not trying to rain on your parade,

and I'm not trying to be a killjoy.

I'm not saying, "If you can drink fabulously well and manage it well,

good for you."

But if you're female, know that safe drinking guidelines

would say no more than 10 drinks in a week.

Know that, know that.

And even if you are drinking safely ...

I'm going to ask because this is very dark,

when I'm looking out into the audience,

I'm not going to ask you to raise your hands,

but if I were to ask you to raise your hands and say,

"Is there anyone in this audience

that hasn't been touched by someone's drinking?"

A mother or a father's, a son or a daughter's,

a sister or brother's, or maybe your own.

I would bet that no one could lift a hand.

I would bet, in our culture, no one could.

So we ask ourselves the question, "What should we do?

What should we do on a global level, on a large policy level?"

That's what I'm interested in.

I'm going to tell you about a frog pond.

I'm going to tell you about a frog pond, a strange frog pond

where there are a growing number of frogs

that are developing really ugly warts,

and a growing number are growing infertile.

And everyone says,

"Better send in the surgeons. Better send in the infertility experts."

And someone else very wise says,

"Maybe there's something in the water.

Maybe, just maybe, there's something in the water."

And I'm here to say there is something in the water.

We are awash in alcohol marketing.

We don't even notice it anymore.

We're awash in alcohol marketing, we're awash in alcohol.

So, if we are smart,

we will push on the three levers that we pushed on with tobacco.

We will push on marketing; we'll reduce it.

And certainly, marketing on Facebook

that's aimed at young people who are underage,

where marketers are tweeting and interacting as a person, as a friend.

We will definitely look at pricing.

Let's talk about Britain.

In Britain, the price - often alcohol is cheaper than milk

or cheaper than orange juice,

and you have young women in their 20s

developing end-stage liver disease in the UK.

In the US, you've got gas stations selling alcohol.

So accessibility is the third thing that you press on.

That's what you do if you're running a country.

And that's one thing.

But if you're - as an individual, as I said -

if you're fine with your own drinking,

then more power to you, enjoy yourself.

But if you're drinking like I drank, if you're drinking to numb,

that's another thing.

My life in sobriety has been rocky.

It's a brand-new life now, but it wasn't always so.

When I was 18 months sober,

I got a call I dreaded,

a call I never ever wanted to get.

The man I was to marry and the man I was in love with for 14 years

picked up the phone and told me it was over, in a morning,

and I've never seen him again.

And I was full of despair, and I didn't drink,

and I couldn't drink.

And I picked up the phone to my son about a week later,

and I said, "I've lost everything to sobriety,

absolutely everything.

My life is terrible."

And he said, "Really?"

There's my brave son.

He said, "Go get a piece of paper, Mom.

I'm going to dictate this to you."

He said, "Draw a line down the middle, Mom.

On the one side write 'Losses.' Write his name, Mom.

You loved him very much.

And yes, he was great to you.

And then he wasn't, Mom, not in the end.

Okay, on the other side, Mom, I want you to write 'Gains.'

I want you to write your sister's name -

you got her back.

I want you to write your brother's name -

you got him back.

I want you to write your mom's name -

you got her back.

I want you to write every single friend, Mom.

Are you writing?"

I was writing.

He said, "You got me back, Mom."

I said, "I didn't lose you."

He said, "Oh, yes, you did, Mom.

You lost me. Things were really, really strained between us,

don't you remember?

We didn't even talk for four months."

I wrote down his name.

Then he said something I won't forget. He said, "Mom, you're a fabulous mom.

I wanted to go to art school, and you supported me.

Write that down, Mom."

I wrote it down.

He said, "You got your writing back, Mom.

You got your voice back.

You got everything back, Mom.

Have a look at that list, Mom.

So you lost a guy. Have a look at the other side."

Thank you.

(Applause)