Supporting the whole child for the whole world: Moe Caroln-Anderson at TEDxBend

Summary

The speaker discusses the importance of understanding children's developmental stages (ages 0-21) to support their growth. They highlight the role of parents and teachers in shaping a child's worldview through boundaries, modeled behavior, and emotional expression. From ages 0-7, children learn through their senses; from 7-14, they explore emotional development through arts; and from 14-21, they seek truth and independence. The speaker shares personal anecdotes, stressing the need for balanced growth and encouraging collaboration between parents and teachers for holistic child development.

Takeaways

• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Parents and teachers are doing their best to support children, but there is often a tendency to judge one another when challenges arise.
• 👶 Children aged 0 to 7 understand the world through their bodily senses and need boundaries to help them develop within their family dynamic.
• 🧒 Children at this age learn through modeled behavior, and adults must be worthy of emulation to guide them effectively.
• 💡 Children 7 to 14 enter a phase of emotional development, becoming aware of their individuality and their mortality around age 9.
• 🎨 During the 7 to 14 age range, creative expression through the arts is critical for developing emotional competencies and emotional intelligence.
• 💔 Suppressing emotional expression in children can lead to behavioral issues such as bullying, emphasizing the importance of emotional exploration.
• 👩‍🎨 Focusing only on academic success without nurturing the whole child (emotionally, physically, and creatively) results in an incomplete human experience.
• 👦 Teenagers aged 14 to 21 seek to find their own truth and challenge societal norms, which is a natural and necessary part of their development.
• 🚗 Although teenagers demand freedom, this independence must be managed within boundaries to ensure their safety and growth.
• 🌟 The speaker emphasizes the importance of faith and taking risks in life, reminding parents and educators to trust the process of development and growth in children.

Q & A

What is the main message of the speaker in the video?

The speaker emphasizes the importance of collaboration between parents and teachers in understanding and supporting children's development at different stages of their growth.

Why does the speaker say that parents and teachers often criticize each other?

The speaker notes that when challenges arise with children, parents and teachers tend to criticize each other because both groups are doing their best in their respective roles, but they often don't understand the struggles the other group faces.

How do children aged 0 to 7 perceive the world according to the speaker?

Children aged 0 to 7 perceive the world through their bodily senses—what they see, smell, hear, taste, and touch. At this stage, children believe the world is an extension of their own body.

What is the significance of modeled behavior for children aged 0 to 7?

Modeled behavior is crucial because children at this age learn through imitation. Adults must be worthy of emulation to foster a child's sense of goodness and help them believe they are good.

What developmental shift occurs around age 9, and how does it affect children?

Around age 9, children experience what is known as the '9-year change,' where they become aware that they and the world are separate entities. This realization can lead to regressive behaviors as children cope with their newfound understanding of separation and their mortality.

Why is art important for children aged 7 to 14, according to the speaker?

Art is vital for children aged 7 to 14 because this is the stage where their emotional competencies develop. Through creative expression, they explore their feelings without fear of being right or wrong, which is essential for becoming well-rounded individuals.

What happens when children are not allowed to express their feelings during the 7 to 14 age range?

If children in this age range are not allowed to express their feelings, those emotions get buried deep inside, potentially leading to behavioral problems such as bullying.

How does the speaker describe the developmental needs of children aged 14 to 21?

Children aged 14 to 21 need to know that the world is true, but they must discover this truth on their own rather than having it imposed on them. This is a time when they challenge authority and societal norms as part of their growth.

How does the speaker suggest parents should handle teenagers' questioning of rules and norms?

The speaker advises that while teens are allowed to question and challenge authority, their freedom should be managed with clear boundaries, such as following laws while still allowing them space to explore their identity.

What is the quote the speaker leaves the audience with, and what is its significance?

The speaker quotes, 'When you are on the edge of all the light that you know and you are about to step off into the abyss of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: either there will be something solid to stand on or you'll be taught how to fly.' This quote emphasizes the importance of faith and trust when navigating uncertainty, especially in parenting and teaching.

Outlines

00:00

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Parenting and Teaching: Collaborating for Children's Success

The speaker passionately addresses both parents and teachers, acknowledging their efforts to provide the best environments for children. However, they point out the common issue of criticism and judgment when challenges arise. They stress the importance of working together and understanding child development stages—specifically ages 0-7, where children learn through bodily senses and need to feel the world is an extension of themselves. Using a personal anecdote about her sons and their playpen, she illustrates how children require boundaries and the need to feel connected to the family dynamic.

05:01

🎨 Ages 7-14: The Emotional Growth of Children

At this stage, children begin to see the world and themselves as separate entities. This is a critical developmental phase often marked by regressive behaviors. The speaker cites Rudolph Steiner's concept of the '9-year change,' where children become aware of their mortality, and this knowledge drives them to engage with the world through their emotions. The speaker emphasizes the importance of arts in developing emotional intelligence during this phase. Parents often undervalue artistic expression in favor of academic success, but the speaker humorously counters this, stating that children need to be well-rounded human beings, not just 'giant heads.'

10:02

🧠 Ages 14-21: Adolescence and the Search for Truth

During adolescence, children seek to understand the truth but need to discover it on their own, often challenging societal norms and authority. The speaker shares an anecdote about a teenager striving for a balanced life between earning money and pursuing passions. They explain how teenagers need both freedom and structure. A humorous memory of the speaker's own teenage rebellion—proclaiming vegetarianism while wearing leather—highlights the importance of laughing with, not at, teenagers. The speaker concludes with a powerful quote on faith, encouraging parents and teachers to support children as they step into the unknown.

Keywords

💡Parents

Parents play a central role in the video as the speaker acknowledges their efforts to provide a healthy and happy home life for their children. The speaker highlights the common challenges parents face in balancing expectations and their children's developmental needs. Examples from the script include the speaker asking how many people in the audience are parents and recognizing their essential contributions.

💡Teachers

Teachers are also key figures in the video, recognized for their dedication to ensuring the success of their students. The speaker emphasizes the collaboration needed between parents and teachers, especially when challenges with children arise. This group is referenced as being critical in shaping children's education and personal development.

💡Child Development

Child Development is a major theme, with the speaker explaining the different needs of children at various stages: 0-7, 7-14, and 14-21. Each stage requires specific support systems and approaches. For example, younger children understand the world through their bodily senses, while teenagers seek to challenge societal norms as they form their own identities.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are discussed in the context of parenting, particularly when the speaker shares a personal anecdote about her child needing a space to play with Legos. Clear boundaries allow children to explore and develop autonomy while maintaining a sense of security and structure within the family environment.

💡Modeled Behavior

Modeled Behavior refers to how children, especially those between 0-7 years old, learn through the actions and behaviors of adults around them. The speaker stresses the importance of adults being 'worthy of emulation,' as children mimic their behavior. This ties into the larger theme of creating a positive environment for young children.

💡9-Year Change

The 9-Year Change is introduced through the work of Rudolf Steiner and describes a developmental phase where children become aware of their separateness from the world. This awareness often leads to regressive behaviors like bed-wetting or thumb-sucking, and it marks a critical moment of self-awareness and vulnerability in a child’s life.

💡Emotional Competence

Emotional Competence is highlighted as crucial for children aged 7-14, who explore and express their feelings primarily through artistic activities. The speaker connects this to the development of a 'full human being,' advocating for emotional expression through arts, rather than focusing solely on academic achievements during these years.

💡Frontal Lobes

The Frontal Lobes are discussed in the context of adolescent development, specifically how they are not fully developed in children aged 14-21. This underdevelopment explains why teenagers often challenge authority and societal norms, as they are still forming their sense of truth and responsibility.

💡Freedom

Freedom is described as something adolescents (14-21) crave, but it must be managed within certain boundaries. The speaker uses the example of teenagers wanting to use the car, explaining that while they desire independence, they must still follow rules and laws, symbolizing the balance between freedom and responsibility.

💡Faith

Faith is introduced at the end of the speech with a powerful quote about stepping into the unknown. The speaker uses this quote to encourage parents and teachers to trust that either something solid will appear to support them, or they will learn how to navigate uncertainty—metaphorically 'learning to fly.' This concept ties together the themes of trust, development, and growth.

Highlights

Introduction emphasizing the importance of family, children, and education for both parents and teachers.

Parents and teachers should collaborate on solving issues instead of criticizing each other.

Children aged 0-7 engage with the world through their bodily senses (seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, and touching).

Children at this age believe the world is an extension of their body, explaining why they bump into each other.

Personal anecdote about the speaker's son seeking clear boundaries and needing to be at the center of the family dynamic.

Children aged 0-7 learn best through modeled behavior, making adults role models that children emulate.

Children 7-14 begin to understand the world through their emotions, marking the 'feeling life' phase.

The '9-year change' marks a child's awareness of their mortality and their emotional development.

At this stage, children need arts and emotional expression to grow into fully developed humans.

Suppressing a child's emotions can lead to internalized feelings and the emergence of negative behaviors like bullying.

Parents of middle schoolers often prioritize academic success over emotional development, missing the opportunity to nurture a well-rounded child.

Children aged 14-21 challenge everything as part of their journey to find truth, and this rebellious phase needs guidance.

Teens need to understand that freedom comes with responsibility and compliance with laws.

Humor with teenagers can foster connection, but laughing at them can harm relationships.

A closing quote about faith: knowing that either a solid foundation will appear or you'll be taught how to fly when stepping into the unknown.

Transcripts

thank

you thank you I am passionate about

family children and

education by a show of hands how many in

the audience are

parents great it's a lot of you thank

you and how many of you are

teachers great

thanks now I know as parents you are

doing the very best that you can to

provide a healthy and happy home life

for your children and I know as teachers

you do the very best that you can so

that your students meet

success but I also know that when issues

and challenges arrive in with our kids

there's a

tendency to criticize each other and to

judge each other and for those of us

that are parents and teachers

simultaneously we're just a mess because

we don't know what side to blame right

so but if we lean into these issues and

challenges we can come up with Solutions

together now I

know that an effective way to do this is

by looking at Child

Development because children 0

to7 7 to 14 and 14 to 21 need very

different support systems as they grow

and develop we know for example that

children 0 to7 understand the world

through their body bodily senses that is

what children see smell hear taste and

touch is how a child engages in the

world

children at this age believe that the

world is an extension of their own body

this is why we see little kids running

into each other because they don't know

where they end and their friend

begins

right so while we don't expect a

four-year-old to put together a business

plan or understand great literary works

of art that doesn't mean that they

aren't absolutely

brilliant many years ago when my sons

were very young my husband and I had a

play pen in the middle of our living

room and it was one of those that had

mesh sides on it and I had just come

home from a yoga class and I walked into

the living room and there is the baby on

the outside of the play pen pulling

himself up but wanting to get into the

play pen and I thought okay this is

weird he never wanted to be in the play

pen and I looked closer at and my

5-year-old was sitting in the playpen

and I said honey what are you doing in

the playpen and he saidwell Mama it's

the only place in the house where I can

play with my

Legos so I knew I had a genius

right but that was very Illuminating to

me for two reasons my son had given me

some tools to be in effective parent and

one of those were very clear boundaries

so that he could get on with the

business of playing and the other one

was that he needed to be in the middle

of the family Dynamic he wanted to be

near us he could have gone into his room

and played with his Legos and not have

baby Zilla come and slobber all over his

Masterpiece but he decided he needed to

be in the center and so those are two

very very important tools that we can

use as parents and teachers when working

with young children children the other

thing that I know is that children at

this

age learn through modeled

behavior and so as adults we need to be

worthy of

emulation because children at this age

need to know that the world is good and

then by extension the child can say I am

good children 7 to 14 have a different

way way of interpreting the world around

age 8 and 1 half or 9 often we see

regressive behaviors now this can be bed

weding thumb sucking nightmares a

reluctance to want to spend the night at

a friend's house even though she lives

two doors

away Rudolph Steiner who is the founder

of Walder education worldwide says this

is the 9-year change and it's really a

time when the

child becomes aware that her world and

herself are

separate in their phenomenal book

optimal parenting authors ba and Josette

lemore say that children at this age

become cognizant of their own death and

because now children know that their

physical body is going to fall away they

need to interact with the world through

a different life lens and that lens is

through the

heart this is the birth of the feeling

life of children 7 to

14 this is why the Arts are so critical

to our elementary and middle school age

children because this is where emotional

competencies and capacities are

developed and when children can explore

and express themselves without being

right or wrong

then we have a full human

being children that are not allowed to

express themselves have those feelings

anyway and they get buried deep inside

and what we end up with our

bullies parents around Middle School Age

come to me and say well it's lovely that

my daughter likes to paint or that my

son is really into music but you know

this is is Middle School they're going

to high school and then on to college

and I really need my son to be

ahead and I started thinking about that

and I thought well yes and then I

laughed right out loud because you don't

want your son to be a giant head yeah

you want him to be a full human

being when we focus our education from

the neck up

we lose so much of what's going on with

children at this age because what

children need to know at this time in

their life is that life is

beautiful and then by extension the

child can say I am

beautiful children 14 to 21 and yes they

are still children they have no frontal

loes they're not developed yet

need something entirely different they

need to know that the world is

true but this truth cannot come from an

an imposed upon them it has to come out

of them this is why children at this age

will challenge everything from

Thanksgiving dinner at grandmas to the

Bill of

Rights this is their job this is what

they're supposed to do and yet this free

Freedom needs to be

managed yes of course dear you can use

the car but there are laws that you have

to comply with a few years ago my family

and I were on the Wild and Scenic River

of the Rogue and there were five

teenagers and three adults and we were

clearly

outnumbered but as we were chopping

vegetables that night for dinner I

turned to one of these lovely young

teens and who I've known since she was a

baby and I said so how's it going how's

school and she said well it's like this

I'm taking AP classes and honors classes

and all of these hard classes so that I

can get into a good college so that I

can get a good job so that I can earn a

lot of money so that when I finally

retire I'll be able to do what I want to

do and I said really and she said yes

but I'm going to change that and I said

well how are you going to change that

and she said well I'm just going to get

a great job making lots of money doing

what I love to do and I thought right on

that's what we want for you and I just

want to tip my hat to my parents I

remember coming in at dinner time and

announcing that I was now a vegetarian

because the slaughter of animals was not

only disgusting it was immoral as I took

off my leather gloves and unzipped my

leather boots yeah okay so laughing with

our teens helps Forge connection

laughing at them does

not so as we are on this quest to be the

very best that we can for our

children I have a quote that I would

like to leave with you and I've read it

pretty much every day it's on my fridge

and it says when you are on the edge of

all of the light that you know and you

are about to step off into the abyss of

the

unknown faith is knowing one of two

things will happen either there will be

something solid to stand on or you'll be

taught how to fly fly safely thank you