Pat Deegan Interview on mental illness and education
Summary
TLDRDr. P shares her inspiring journey of overcoming schizophrenia to earn a PhD. She discusses her struggles with paranoia and anxiety during her undergraduate studies, using strategies like tape recorders to cope. Dr. P emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance, acknowledging her ongoing challenges as part of her identity. She highlights the value of her degree in opening doors for herself and others, particularly in the mental health field, and the significance of finding her life's purpose in helping psych survivors.
Takeaways
- 🎓 The individual with schizophrenia managed to earn a PhD despite significant challenges.
- 🤔 They experienced paranoia and intense fears, which made attending classes and focusing on coursework difficult.
- 📝 Initially, they kept their condition a secret due to fear of being expelled from school.
- 🏆 They developed coping strategies, such as using a tape recorder in class, to manage their symptoms.
- 🏥 They had multiple hospitalizations but have been out of the hospital for 12 years, indicating resilience and progress.
- 🤝 They eventually found support in the consumer and peer movements, which were pivotal in their recovery journey.
- 💡 They came to accept their condition as part of who they are, rather than something to be cured or hidden.
- 🏫 In graduate school, they continued to face challenges but learned to manage their condition without disclosing it to professors.
- 👨👩👧👦 They have a family, including a partner and a daughter, showing that a fulfilling personal life is possible despite mental health challenges.
- 🔑 A PhD was seen as a tool to open doors and create opportunities, not just an end in itself, but a means to help others.
Q & A
How did Dr. P. D. overcome the challenges of schizophrenia during her educational journey?
-Dr. P. D. struggled with many symptoms, starting with taking one course at a time and using strategies like bringing a tape recorder to class to cope with her paranoia and anxiety.
Did Dr. P. D. experience any hospitalizations during her educational journey?
-Yes, Dr. P. D. had nine different hospitalizations, with her last one being in 1994, which she has been out of the hospital for 12 years.
How did Dr. P. D. deal with the fear of being discovered as having schizophrenia during her studies?
-Initially, she kept her condition to herself, fearing expulsion. She used strategies to manage her symptoms and gradually built up the skills needed to succeed academically.
What was Dr. P. D.'s approach to accepting her schizophrenia?
-Dr. P. D. came to accept her schizophrenia as a part of who she is, embracing her vulnerabilities and trauma issues, and recognizing them as a source of compassion for others.
How has Dr. P. D.'s perspective on mental health and recovery evolved over time?
-Dr. P. D. realized that recovery doesn't mean becoming 'normal' but accepting oneself, including the challenges and vulnerabilities, and using them to connect with and help others.
What role did the consumer and peer movements play in Dr. P. D.'s life?
-The consumer and peer movements were pivotal for Dr. P. D., providing a community where she could be her whole self and find support and empowerment.
How did Dr. P. D. manage to continue her education despite her hospitalizations?
-Dr. P. D. was determined to continue her education, even with hospitalizations in the middle of her studies. She managed to do so by being persistent and focused on her goals.
What was Dr. P. D.'s motivation for pursuing a PhD?
-Dr. P. D. pursued a PhD not just for the degree itself but as a means to achieve her higher purpose of developing materials and advocating for psych survivors.
How did Dr. P. D. handle the stress and challenges of being a clinical psychologist with her own psychiatric history?
-Dr. P. D. found it difficult and had to avoid participating in certain practices like restraints that reminded her of her own experiences. She focused on her goal of helping others.
What advice does Dr. P. D. have for others struggling with mental health issues while pursuing education?
-Dr. P. D. advises finding one's purpose and saying 'yes' to it, using the degree not just for personal gain but to open doors and help others.
How does Dr. P. D. view the concept of 'normalcy' and its relation to mental health?
-Dr. P. D. views 'normalcy' as an illusion and believes that everyone has struggles and vulnerabilities. She encourages embracing one's own experiences as part of being human.
Outlines
🎓 Overcoming Schizophrenia and Pursuing Academic Excellence
Dr. P discusses their journey of overcoming schizophrenia while pursuing higher education. Initially, they faced significant challenges, including paranoia and auditory hallucinations, which made attending classes and focusing on studies difficult. They started by taking one course at a time and developed coping strategies, such as using a tape recorder to revisit lectures. Over time, they built up their skills and resilience, leading to academic success. Despite multiple hospitalizations, they managed to complete their education and earn a PhD. Dr. P also talks about the importance of self-acceptance, acknowledging their symptoms as part of their identity rather than something to be cured. They embrace their experiences, including trauma and sensitivities, as elements that have shaped their compassion and understanding towards others.
🏫 Navigating Graduate School with a Mental Health History
Dr. P shares their experiences in graduate school, where the pressure was high, and the fear of disclosing their mental health history was a significant concern. They recount an incident involving a classmate's psychotic break, which reinforced their decision to keep their struggles private. Despite the challenges, Dr. P emphasizes the importance of their academic pursuits, viewing the PhD as a tool to open doors and create opportunities, not just for themselves but also for others in the mental health community. They found support in the consumer and peer movements, which allowed them to be their authentic self. Dr. P also reflects on the difficulty of working in clinical psychology, especially when faced with practices they disagreed with, such as restraints. Their motivation to continue was driven by a sense of purpose and a calling to develop materials for and with psych survivors, which they view as their life's work.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Schizophrenia
💡Paranoid thoughts
💡Hospitalizations
💡Accommodations
💡Trauma issues
💡Psych Survivor
💡Therapy
💡Self-acceptance
💡Educational journey
💡Stigma
💡Peer movement
Highlights
The individual struggled with schizophrenia but managed to earn a PhD.
During undergraduate studies, they faced significant challenges and were often symptomatic.
They started by taking one course at a time to manage their symptoms.
Paranoia and fear were significant issues, making it difficult to attend classes.
They used strategies like bringing a tape recorder to class to cope.
Gradually, they built up skills to manage their symptoms and academic challenges.
They experienced nine hospitalizations, with the last one being 12 years ago.
They've come to accept their symptoms as part of who they are.
They've been in a relationship for 20 years and have a 9-year-old daughter.
They view their struggles as a gift that brings them compassion for others.
In graduate school, they were scared to disclose their mental health history.
They realized that having a degree doesn't equate to being 'whole'.
They found the consumer and peer movements to be life-saving.
They faced challenges as a clinical psychologist, especially with certain hospital procedures.
They developed materials for psych survivors, which is their calling.
They continued their education despite a hospitalization during their doctoral studies.
They believe their higher power has a purpose for their life, which keeps them going.
Transcripts
hi Dr P dig um I was so glad to hear
about you and saw how you're able to
overcome schizophrenia and get your PhD
I was wondering were you symptom free
during your um educational Journey did
you have
challenges and um how do you deal with
challenges and did you ever get
accommodations or help from the
professor
yes uh these are great questions um and
uh I I definitely was struggling with an
awful lot of symptoms and in my
undergraduate studies those first uh you
know years I just started with one
course at a time and because I had to
you know other kids were just going in
and being challenged by the material but
I was uh if I could get to the material
I considered it a good day for me it was
can I sit through a class without
freaking out you know if feeling like
everyone in the class is looking at me
and feeling like um they're having some
kind of thoughts about me you know I was
very paranoid at the time and really
struggling with the intense fears and so
um you know I kind
of at first I was just terrified to tell
anybody because I knew that they would
kick me out of school this is just as a
freshman I you know um and then and then
I I just um so I kept it to myself but I
did things like that were at the time I
thought a good idea which was like
bringing a tape recorder to the class
and uh because I was working on can I
sit through the classroom without
freaking out and then when I felt in a
better space maybe later that day or
back at my apartment or something then I
would listen to the lecture on the uh um
on the tape um so I used all kinds of
strategies like that and slowly to me it
was like having to you know like a
weightlifter who builds up their muscles
I had to build up the skills and
strengthen the skills that are required
to sit in a classroom and to deal with
the paranoid thoughts I was having um to
um deal with the distressing voices I
was having the anxiety and then as I got
better at those skills I started having
some success I started getting some A's
in my classes and doing well and I did
go back to the hospital um many time I
had I've had nine different
hospitalizations my last hospitalization
was in 1994 so that's um uh uh What uh
12 years ago now so I've been out the
hospital 12 years and some people are
surprised by that because uh they think
that I'm talking about something that's
ancient history you know and 12 years
ago is a good long time ago but at the
same time I think what happens as I've
grown up is to um instead of saying you
know I guess I've just more or less
learned to accept myself I hear voices
you know there's just's no way around it
I get hyperreactive sometimes to the
stimulus I can't take big crowds of
people or I get explosively angry I have
unresolved trauma issues I've been
through a bazillion years of therapy you
know I've come to the conclusion that
it's just me it's not schizophrenia it's
not a symptom this is how God made me
what can I say you know it's just how I
am and at some point I just embraced it
and I stopped trying to change myself
and said you know what I'm queer I am uh
you know a lesbian who's been with my
partner and we're now officially married
in Massachusetts since 19 uh we've been
together since 1986 that's 20 years we
have a beautiful daughter who's 9 years
old live in an old farmhouse she's a
psych Survivor I you know I'm a psych
Survivor um you know what I thought used
I used to have I thought that getting
well meant kind of having no more big
vulnerabilities and stuff and I think
what finally happened was I saw through
the veil of normaly and realized that
everybody struggles everybody has a
really hard time everybody experiences
days when they'd rather be dead
everybody you know and that life is hard
hard it's it's not you know Nirvana it's
hard and at some point I just embraced
myself and you know I said what you see
is what you get this is me um and I I
quit trying to make it all better I said
you know I still suffer with these
feelings of Trauma from the past but and
I have these flashbacks but you know
what so what it's just me and I know how
to I guess when you know how to deal
with it when stuff would come up in the
past it would throw me off and I go back
to the hospital hital try to get a new
medication or this treatment or that
treatment and now it's like well I know
how to handle it more or less but I'm
not going to be able to make it go away
and why even try it's just me and you
know I think what happens is they say oh
I have these trauma issues or something
and I want to heal from them as if
perfect healing were a possibility and
what I found was if somehow I could
magically take away my trauma history I
would lose a deep amount of my
compassion that my trauma history has
allowed me to uh open and compassionate
ways to other people so that what was a
wound what was a problem I now recognize
maybe a sort of a gift that it brings me
compassion for the world and for other
people and that's a good thing not that
I'd wish it on anybody but at the same
time it's who I am and it sensitizes me
and that's important so school you know
for those all those years I was scared
to tell anybody scared to tell my
teachers some very trusted teachers I
did tell but I'll tell you once I got to
graduate school now the stakes were even
higher on my Master's and my doctorate I
wasn't telling those people cuz I was
terrified I saw one of my classmates in
my um Master's year there were 40 kids
in my class you know one of them had a
wicked bad psychotic break he was
running
around all this aluminum foil all over
him to ward off space rays and
everything I felt bad he ended up
getting thrown out of school and um
you know that scared me that put me even
further in the closet cuz I thought
recovery meant getting normal I thought
I had to put my psych history behind me
and say I'm done with that now I'm whole
now I can go be a professional and then
I start meeting all these people that
are professionals you know and they
don't know I'm a mental patient right
they don't know about my
history and I'm thinking they're whacked
you know they're all in therapy they're
all getting divorced they're all messed
up they can't figure out their gender
you know they can't figure out their
sexual orientation they can't figure out
they got a drug and alcohol thing going
this one's a drunk I'm like they're
whacked and I realized having a degree
doesn't make you
whole you know to me a degree the PHD
has been a um a uh key that unlocks some
important doors gets me to some tables
that if I didn't have it I probably
wouldn't get get there into things like
uh to be concrete uh publishing in
certain journals and you know under my
own name and not needing an MD to
publish with me but being able to
publish my you know get myself published
um being able to conduct certain types
of research attract certain kinds of
grant money um like from the National
Institute of Mental Health or whatever
you kind of need degrees to to do that
so the key to having a degree to in my
mind if I only use it for myself it's no
good it's just selfish for me I use my
degree to bring others and open open
doors for others too and um
accommodations always I found friends
that I could share with eventually I
found the consumer movement the peer of
movement and that saved my ass that
saved my life cuz then I could be all of
who I
was
um the hardest thing going back onto
units as a clinical psychologist and and
having to do rotations at the state
hospital or the emergency room and and
seeing things done that were done to me
like restraints and not want to be a
part of that but they expected me to be
a part of that and it was like I just
had to beg off those days and not not
participate you know but um those are
just some of my thoughts right now how
do you keep on going without quitting
it's so stressful with
school I needed to do it I felt like I
had this goal this thing I needed to do
and the thing I needed to do is what you
saw me doing today which is developing
materials for my people of which I'm a
part you know for psych survivors that
this is I feel like this is what my God
has asked me to do with my life and I
every day I say yes to it and it's what
keeps me going so it wasn't so much that
I wanted a degree as I knew the degree
would get me where I needed to be to do
the work I felt called to do so for me
it was Finding what it was that my
higher power wanted me to do in my life
and then saying yes to it and doing
it so you still kept going even if you
have 12 your classes and he I had a
hospitalization smack dab in the middle
my first year of doctoral studies you
know and the hospital that's tricky cuz
I was doing my Graduate Studies in
Pittsburgh and I went to the hospital at
the University of
Pittsburgh it was awful you know um but
I did it you know you and my and I tried
to make sure my teachers didn't find out
and stuff you know um you know you just
keep keep
going yeah thank you so much Dr batan
you're welcome
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