How To Do The Six Steps Of Inner Bonding with Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Summary

This video introduces the six steps of 'Inner Bonding,' a self-healing process for managing emotional pain. The key idea is to embrace painful feelings instead of avoiding them. By opening up to love and compassion, individuals can dialogue with their inner child to understand and heal from false beliefs. Through connecting with higher guidance, people can access the wisdom to take loving actions and improve emotional well-being. The process promotes self-love, self-responsibility, and ultimately, discovering one’s purpose and joy in life.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Inner bonding is an alternative to external addictions and self-abandonment, focusing on self-love and compassion.
• 🔑 Step one in inner bonding is the willingness to feel and embrace painful feelings, which is essential for personal growth.
• ❤️ Step two involves opening one's heart to love and compassion, which are seen as spiritual gifts rather than personal emotions.
• 🗣️ Step three is a dialogue process where one asks their inner child about the source of their pain and how they are treating themselves.
• 🧠 Step four is about accessing higher guidance or inner wisdom to challenge and reframe false beliefs that contribute to pain.
• 💡 Step five emphasizes taking loving action towards oneself based on the insights gained from the previous steps.
• 🔄 Step six is about evaluating the effects of the loving actions taken and iterating the process until a sense of relief and improvement is felt.
• 💖 The practice of inner bonding leads to a more profound connection with one's essence and the discovery of one's life's purpose or calling.
• 🌱 Inner bonding is a continuous process that requires practice and is supported by resources available on the Inner Bonding website.
• 🌐 As one's inner bond strengthens, they become better equipped to manifest their dreams and live a life aligned with their true essence.

Q & A

What are the six steps of inner bonding mentioned in the script?

The six steps of inner bonding are: 1) Willingness to feel painful feelings, 2) Moving into the heart and inviting love and compassion, 3) Engaging in a dialogue process to understand the cause of feelings, 4) Opening to higher guidance and inner wisdom, 5) Taking loving action based on the guidance received, and 6) Evaluating the results of the loving action and repeating the steps if necessary.

Why is it important to feel our painful feelings according to the script?

Feeling our painful feelings is important because it allows us to learn from them and take responsibility for comforting and managing them. Avoiding these feelings can lead to addictions and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

How does the presence of love and compassion play a role in inner bonding?

Love and compassion are seen as gifts of spirit that we invite into our hearts when we open to learning. They help us to safely explore and understand our feelings without judgment.

What is the purpose of the dialogue process in step three of inner bonding?

The dialogue process in step three is meant to explore how we are treating ourselves internally and what external factors might be causing our feelings. It's about understanding the messages we tell ourselves that lead to pain.

Why is it necessary to access our higher guidance in step four of inner bonding?

Accessing higher guidance in step four helps us to challenge and replace false beliefs with truths. It allows us to understand what loving actions we can take towards ourselves.

What does taking loving action in step five entail?

Taking loving action in step five means actually implementing the insights and guidance received from our higher self. This could involve standing up for ourselves, changing habits, or making healthier choices.

How does evaluating the results of our actions in step six help in inner bonding?

Evaluating the results of our actions in step six helps us to assess whether our loving actions have led to an improvement in our emotional state. If not, it guides us to revisit the steps and find more effective ways to love and support ourselves.

What is the significance of inner bonding in discovering our life's blueprint according to the script?

Inner bonding is significant in discovering our life's blueprint because as we practice it and connect with our essence, we uncover our true purpose and calling in life. This process helps us to align with our highest good and manifest our dreams.

Why is it suggested that focusing on loving oneself is not selfish in the context of inner bonding?

Focusing on loving oneself is not selfish because it enables us to fill ourselves with love, which then allows us to have love to share with others. Selfishness is described as abandoning oneself and expecting others to fulfill our needs.

What resources are available for learning more about inner bonding according to the script?

The script mentions that there are many resources available on the website 'innerbonding.com', including courses, programs, and free materials to support learning the process of inner bonding.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 Introduction to Inner Bonding and Embracing Pain

The speaker introduces the six steps of inner bonding as an alternative to learned behavior patterns and addictive tendencies. The first step emphasizes the importance of feeling and embracing painful emotions—both core and wounded feelings—rather than avoiding them through self-abandonment or external distractions. The key to progress is taking responsibility for managing and learning from these feelings.

05:01

❤️ Inviting Compassion and the Learning Process

The second step involves inviting love and compassion into the heart, not as feelings generated internally, but as gifts from the spirit. By opening to the intention of learning to love oneself, a person can create a loving adult self. The importance of approaching inner pain with genuine curiosity and compassion, rather than criticism or judgment, is highlighted. This creates a safe space for understanding and transformation.

10:03

🗣️ Dialogue with the Inner Child

In step three, the speaker introduces a dialogue process where the 'inner child,' representing the emotional self, is asked how external situations or internal beliefs are causing pain. By compassionately exploring these emotions, one can identify false beliefs and negative self-talk, such as the pressure to be perfect or the fear of failure. This step emphasizes understanding the root of anxiety or emotional distress by exploring how we treat ourselves.

15:06

🌟 Accessing Higher Guidance and Breaking False Beliefs

Step four focuses on connecting with higher guidance or inner wisdom. This connection becomes possible when the intention is to learn about self-love rather than control or avoidance. The speaker explains that accessing this wisdom helps break free from false beliefs about control and perfectionism. The goal is to raise one's frequency, seek the truth, and identify loving actions that align with one’s highest good.

💪 Taking Loving Action

Step five stresses the importance of taking concrete actions based on the insights gained in the previous steps. It’s not enough to identify the loving action; one must actively implement it, whether it’s standing up for oneself, improving health, or practicing self-compassion. The speaker uses the metaphor of a hungry child to illustrate the necessity of following through on loving actions, rather than just acknowledging emotions.

📊 Evaluating the Effects of Loving Action

In step six, the speaker encourages evaluating the impact of the loving actions taken. The goal is to assess whether emotions like anxiety, depression, guilt, or anger have subsided. If relief hasn’t been achieved, one should repeat the steps to find the right action. Through this process, individuals can experience peace, joy, and a sense of safety as they fill themselves with love from their higher guidance.

🎁 Discovering and Manifesting Your Life’s Calling

The speaker discusses how practicing inner bonding helps individuals access their true essence and life’s calling. By raising their frequency and taking responsibility for their emotions, people can manifest their dreams and live in alignment with their true purpose. The speaker shares that through inner bonding, many people uncover their unique talents and gifts, which they can then offer to the world.

🌍 Offering Your Gifts to the World

In the final paragraph, the speaker emphasizes the importance of offering one's gifts to the world as part of self-love. The more individuals practice inner bonding, the more they align with their essence and discover what brings them joy. By manifesting their calling, people can contribute to the planet, creating a life filled with purpose and fulfillment. Inner bonding not only brings personal joy but also enhances one’s ability to share love and gifts with others.

Keywords

💡Inner Bonding

Inner Bonding is a six-step process aimed at emotional healing and self-love. It encourages individuals to take responsibility for their feelings and heal core painful emotions by connecting with their higher guidance. In the video, it is presented as an alternative to unhealthy coping mechanisms and addictions.

💡Core Painful Feelings

These are deep emotional wounds such as loneliness, helplessness, and heartache that people often try to avoid through addictions or emotional detachment. In the video, participants are encouraged to feel these painful emotions in order to heal them rather than suppress or avoid them.

💡Higher Guidance

Higher Guidance refers to the spiritual wisdom or inner wisdom that individuals can access when they are open to learning about loving themselves. The video emphasizes that this guidance helps in making decisions that promote self-care and personal growth, such as understanding false beliefs or taking loving actions.

💡Loving Adult Self

The Loving Adult Self is the aspect of an individual that is capable of offering compassion and love to themselves, especially in difficult emotional situations. This self is cultivated through the Inner Bonding process and is necessary for healing emotional wounds. It contrasts with the 'wounded self' that reacts from pain and fear.

💡False Beliefs

False Beliefs are misconceptions or negative thoughts that people hold about themselves or the world, often rooted in childhood or societal conditioning. In the video, these beliefs can include ideas like 'I must be perfect' or 'I can control how others feel about me.' Part of the Inner Bonding process is identifying and challenging these beliefs.

💡Wounded Self

The Wounded Self is the part of an individual that operates from fear, pain, and past trauma. It reacts to situations with avoidance, control, or other harmful coping mechanisms. The video suggests that people need to recognize this self in order to heal and move towards the Loving Adult Self.

💡Compassion

Compassion is the act of showing kindness and empathy toward one's own feelings, especially painful ones. It is an essential step in the Inner Bonding process, as it allows individuals to feel and heal their emotions without judgment or avoidance. The video explains how compassion is a gift of spirit, helping people manage their core painful feelings.

💡Loving Action

Loving Action refers to the tangible steps one takes to care for themselves emotionally, physically, or mentally, after understanding their needs through Inner Bonding. This could involve standing up to others, changing habits, or simply being kinder to oneself. The video stresses that without taking loving action, the healing process is incomplete.

💡Helplessness

Helplessness is one of the core painful feelings discussed in the video. It represents the emotion of being powerless in situations, such as not being able to control other people or outcomes. The video uses examples like road rage to show how people often resist feeling helplessness, which can lead to more stress and anger.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety in the video is described as an emotional reaction that arises from self-imposed pressures, false beliefs, or a lack of self-love. It is an emotion that can be addressed through Inner Bonding by identifying the underlying beliefs or behaviors that cause it, such as self-criticism or perfectionism.

Highlights

The first step of inter-bonding is being willing to feel your painful feelings, especially the wounded and core painful feelings, instead of avoiding them.

Avoiding core painful feelings often leads to addictions, but learning to compassionately manage and embrace these feelings helps prevent self-abandonment.

In step two, you move into your heart, inviting love and compassion, which are gifts from spirit, to guide you in loving yourself.

If you approach your feelings from a place of self-criticism or control, you won't be able to access your higher wisdom, as it requires openness and a genuine desire to learn about loving yourself.

Step three involves a dialogue with your feelings, identifying what you're telling yourself or how you're treating yourself that is causing your wounded emotions.

Feelings of helplessness are one of the hardest to manage, and many people react to it with rage or frustration, particularly in situations where they have no control.

Step four involves opening to higher guidance and wisdom to find the truth about false beliefs and discovering what the most loving action is for yourself.

The intention to control others or get rid of your pain blocks access to higher wisdom, as this wisdom exists at a higher frequency than controlling intentions.

Being perfect or controlling how people feel about you doesn't work, and learning to accept mistakes as a part of life is crucial for self-compassion.

Step five is about taking loving action once you've identified what will help you, whether it's standing up for yourself, changing habits, or being kinder to yourself.

In step six, you evaluate the effects of your loving actions to see if your emotional state improves, and if not, you repeat the steps to find the right action.

The inner bonding process can lead to feelings of joy, peace, and love as you fill yourself with love from within, making it easier to share love with others.

Focusing on loving yourself first isn't selfish; it's a way to take responsibility for your feelings so you're not reliant on others to make you feel okay.

As people practice inner bonding, they often uncover their life's blueprint, revealing their true calling and allowing them to manifest their dreams.

Manifestation is tied to raising your energy frequency by being loving to yourself and filling yourself with love, which enables you to attract your dreams.

Transcripts

[Music]

okay now let's go over to the right side

of the chart and I'm going to briefly go

through with you the six steps of inter

bonding because this is the alternative

this is the alternative to doing all

these program things that we learn to do

for so many years this is what you can

turn to when there's anything other than

peace inside okay so step one of inter

bonding is that you have to be willing

to feel your painful feelings if you're

not willing to feel the the wounded

feelings and learn from them if you're

not willing to feel the core painful

feelings you see the core painful

feelings are what all those addictions

are about because if you don't learn to

lovingly manage these core painful

feelings you've got to avoid them and so

in step one you are willing to embrace

to compassionately feel all feelings the

wounded ones the core ones and to find a

place in you that wants responsibility

for that wants responsibility for

comforting them for learning from them

for managing them that's step one and we

can't proceed until you decide that

you're willing to feel your painful

feelings rather than continue to avoid

them with all of those various ways of

abandoning yourself now once you feel

your pain then you move into step two

you move into your heart you invite the

presence of love in in the presence of

compassion in love and compassion are

not feelings we generate in our own body

they are gifts of spirit when we open to

learning we are inviting the gifts of

spirit into our heart we're inviting the

love and compassion into our heart

and in step two we consciously say I

want to learn about loving myself that's

what creates the loving adult self is

that I want to learn about loving myself

I'm inviting in love and compassion

now just as if if you have a child who

say crying and you say to the child

what's what's the matter now you know

just tell me what's the matter now I

really want to know what's going on is

that child gonna feel safe to talk to

you ah they're gonna feel intimidated

they're gonna feel scared they're

probably lied to you same thing on the

inner level if you're just trying to get

rid of your pain if you're coming from

your wound itself and you're saying to

yourself okay what is it now what do I

need to do and what have I done or

what's going on that you're not gonna

get anywhere but if you're in your heart

with compassion for your own feelings

then you move into step 3 and step 3 is

a dialogue process where you're asking

the feeling a part of you your inner

child is the feeling part of you you're

asking how am i treating it what am i

telling you that's causing these wounded

feelings or what's happening externally

with a person or a situation that's

causing these core painful feelings so

we're open to learning we want to know

what's happening we want to know what

we're doing how we're treating ourselves

or what's happening in the environment

that may be causing our loneliness or

our heartache or our helplessness

feelings of helplessness over others you

know helplessness is one of the hardest

feelings to feel think about what

happens on a freeway and you're you're

driving down and somebody cuts you off

how many people get enraged I mean

there's that road rage where they're

actually killed people because they

won't feel their helplessness

they won't compassionately feel it I

have so many clients so somebody cuts

them off on the freeway in their car

they're swearing in their

how can they do this Sameer what good is

that doing is that doing any good at all

that person doesn't hear them it's

already happened they've already cut you

off you're helpless over the fact that

they did that so it's much better for

your immune system to just say ah that

helplessness is really a tough feeling

but I'm right here

I'm feeling it I I have compassion for

myself that that's really a tough thing

or somebody you're close to is treating

themselves really badly you know you're

into good eating and they're stuffing

themselves with junk how bad does that

make you feel to see them do that it's

awful but as much as you try and

convince them you're helpless you're

helpless over other people we don't have

control over other people and so

learning to manage our helplessness with

compassion with caring with gentleness

tenderness towards ourselves is very

important in keeping ourselves in

balance not going into stress so in step

3 were exploring and let's say you feel

anxious and you realize you're feeling

anxious then you say to yourself what am

i telling you how am i treating you

that's causing this anxiety and then you

go inside

and you let that that feeling speak to

you that inner child and that inner

child might say to you you're putting a

lot of pressure on me well you're

telling me that I I better look good or

I better lose all this weight or I

better perform or I better get an A or I

better not mess up at this or or you

know I something better do something

differently and I feel very pressured

when you do that when you put on when

you tell me I'm not good enough you're

telling me I'm not good enough the way

that I am

you're telling me nobody likes me you're

telling me I'm gonna end up in the

streets

you're telling me I'll never succeed

there's so many things we could tell

ourselves that create anxiety

well in step three we're trying to

understand what are we telling ourselves

that's creating this and once we

understand what we're telling ourselves

then we open to learning with the

wounded part of ourselves the part

that's up here that is programmed and we

say well there must be a good reason

that you're telling this inner child

that you can't make a mistake

that it's not okay to make a mistake

that it's not okay to fail must be a

good reason we're saying that to

ourselves so then we go in and we look

at okay what do we believe about that we

believe that we can control how people

feel about us if we never make a mistake

we can control how people feel about us

if we act perfectly and so it's all

about control and once we get a good

idea of the false beliefs that were

coming from then we move into step four

in step four we open to our higher

guidance our inner wisdom our Higher

Self and the interesting thing that

happens in the inner bonding process is

that when your intention is to learn

about loving yourself you are able to

access that higher wisdom when your

intention is to control or get rid of

your pain or to control somebody else

you will not be able to access it

because our our higher self exists at a

higher frequency then than we do you

know our our bodies are fairly dense

they operate at a low frequency so we

can see each other like if we operated

like a hummingbird's wings going really

really fast we wouldn't be able to see

each other that's a very high frequency

so we have to see each other but we can

raise the frequency of our energy and

the intention to learn about loving

ourselves starting with loving ourselves

first because if we're going to loving

others first we're going to completely

bypass ourselves and that actually can

become manipulative all of you so you'll

love me and so we have to start with

loving ourselves first and so when we

have the intention to learn about loving

ourselves then our frequency goes high

enough and we can access our higher

wisdom and so when in in Step four we're

saying well what's the truth about any

of these false beliefs and we start to

get truth and we say what's the loving

action towards myself what's in my

highest good and so let's say you know

I've been telling myself that it's not

okay to make a mistake and I go to my

guidance my guidance says you know

mistakes are a part of life you can

learn from your mistakes and you know

what being perfect doesn't have any

control over anybody they're gonna do

what they're gonna do anyway and there's

no such thing as perfect so then I'd say

well what's the loving action and the

loving action might be to say to my

inner child

you know what it's okay to make a

mistake it's okay to fall on your face

I'm gonna love you anyway because you

know what your love ability is not in

your performance your love ability is in

your kindness it's in your caring it's

in your compassion it's in your inherent

goodness it's in your individual form of

intelligence and creativity think for a

moment about how do you choose your

friends do you choose them based on how

they look and and and the performance or

do you choose them mostly by their

kindness their caring their generosity

most people will say oh I choose them

because they're kind they're caring

they're generous there loving they

support me they're there for me most

people will say that well let's say that

about ourselves too let's choose

ourselves because of who we really are

inside our true beautiful essence and

our higher guidance we'll say you can

love yourself even if you fail you can

love yourself even if somebody

like you you can love yourself even if

you fall on your face well now when I

say that to my and her child the anxiety

goes away now in step 5

we have to take the action we have to

actually say it and then we have to

treat ourselves as if we're we are

actually those loving beings so in step

5

we take loving action now in step 4 we

might find all kinds of actions it might

be that we have to stand up to somebody

and speak our truth it might be that we

need to change our diet it might be that

we need to read about health it might be

that we need to go back to school or

change jobs or start getting some

exercise or get more sleep or start

paying heart stop being so hard on

ourselves there's all kinds of things

that guidance might tell us about what

would be loving to ourselves so in step

5 we now have to do it if we don't do it

it doesn't mean anything for example if

a child comes to you and says I'm hungry

and you say oh thank you for sharing and

you don't get food

you're not taking loving action and so

when our inner child lets us in on how

we're feeling and we go to our guidance

for loving action now in step 5

we have to take the loving action and

then in step 6

we go in and we evaluate how am I

feeling as a result of taking this

loving engine is my anxiety lower is my

depression less my guilt my shame my

emptiness my anger am I feeling some

comfort inside as a result of bringing

compassion to my loneliness or my

helplessness or my heartache so in step

six we evaluate and if we're not feeling

relief if we're not feeling better we go

back through the steps until we find the

loving action so take a look at your

chart at what happens when you do the

six steps of inner bonding

things start to come alive you start to

feel safe if you start to feel joy start

to feel peace inside and one of the big

things that happens is that you get all

filled up with love you feel love inside

when you learn to connect to your higher

guidance you learn to bring that love

inside and then you have love to share

with others if you're empty if you're

abandoning yourself you don't have love

to share with others lots of times

people say to me well isn't it selfish

just to focus on loving yourself

actually it's the least selfish thing to

do

what selfishness is is abandoning

yourself and then making other people

responsible for making you okay they

have to give themselves up for you to be

okay it's not at all selfish to do inner

bonding and learn to love yourself and

take responsibility for your own

feelings learn to fill yourself up with

love so that you're overflowing and you

have love to share in the world and one

of the things that happens as people

practice inner bonding and they discover

more and more about their essence is

that the blueprint for their calling

they start to access that because we all

come into life with a blueprint for what

were hurt we're here to do now I found

out really early when I was five what

that blueprint was for me but not

everybody finds out so early in their

lives what they came to do on this

planet and if you shoved aside your

essence for so long you may not know

what really brings you joy to offer the

planet we are here to offer to the

planet our gifts our talents our love

that's what fills us up the most is

offering who we really are to the planet

but if you don't know what your calling

is then you might not be offering that

you might be stuck in a job that you

don't

like which is not really loving to

yourself but what I've seen over and

over and over again is that the more

people practice inter bonding the more

they uncover their essence and

eventually they come in touch with that

blueprint it's there in each and every

one of us and then because they've been

practicing inter bonding and developing

their loving adult and then they can

start to manifest that manifestation

comes from raising our frequency taking

responsibility for our feelings being

being loving to ourselves and filling

ourselves with love and then we're able

to manifest our dreams and so the

practice of inter bonding is extremely

powerful as I said it takes practice

it's not something you learn in a day

but we have a lot of support on our

website inter bonding calm lots of ways

of learning the process we have many

courses we have programs we have free

free stuff lots and lots of free stuff

on our website that enables you to get

the support you need to learn this

process

[Music]