Are You One of Them? | Sheikh Omar Suleiman

Summary

This talk emphasizes self-reflection in addressing negative traits, particularly narcissism, through the lens of Islamic teachings. Rather than focusing on others' flaws, the speaker encourages introspection to identify and correct spiritual diseases like arrogance and entitlement before they grow. Drawing from Quranic stories of tyrants, the speaker warns against frequently using self-centered language (I, me, my), highlighting that inflated self-importance can distance one from Allah. The message urges humility, gratitude, and responsibility as key to maintaining a balanced and spiritually healthy life.

Takeaways

• 😀 Self-reflection is crucial when reading the Quran, as it encourages introspection about traits within oneself, rather than focusing on the faults of others.
• 😯 Negative traits like arrogance should be identified and mitigated early before they become harmful to oneself and others.
• 😌 Narcissism, characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, is often easier to identify in others than in oneself.
• 😶 It's rare for people to admit their own narcissism, but self-diagnosis is essential for spiritual growth and humility.
• 😲 Repeatedly using words like 'I', 'me', and 'my' can be a warning sign of growing arrogance or narcissism, drawing parallels to tyrants like Pharaoh and Iblis.
• 🙃 The Quran provides examples of arrogance from figures like Iblis, Pharaoh, and Qarun, illustrating the dangers of self-centeredness and deflection of responsibility.
• 🤔 Deflection, or avoiding personal responsibility by blaming others, is a common defense mechanism of narcissists, which prevents them from self-correction.
• 💡 Humility requires recognizing that all achievements and possessions come from Allah, and should be attributed to His grace rather than personal effort.
• 😇 As Muslims, every relationship and interaction should be seen through the lens of our relationship with Allah, emphasizing gratitude and stewardship over ownership.
• 🙏 By constantly humbling oneself and acknowledging Allah as the source of all blessings, a person can achieve both spiritual contentment and harmonious relationships with others.

Q & A

What is the primary focus of the speaker when discussing negative traits from the Quran?

The speaker emphasizes self-reflection rather than focusing on the negative traits of others. The Quran encourages introspection to identify and correct such traits within ourselves.

Why does the Quran encourage introspection when reading stories about tyrants and evil figures?

The Quran encourages introspection because individuals may develop a proportion of negative traits without realizing it. Addressing these traits early prevents them from becoming more harmful both in this life and in the Hereafter.

How does the speaker connect narcissism to introspection in Islamic teachings?

The speaker points out that few people self-diagnose narcissism, even though the Quran encourages self-reflection to identify such traits early. This introspection helps us become more aware of flaws like narcissism within ourselves before they escalate.

What are the three words the speaker warns against using too frequently, and why?

The speaker warns against overusing 'I,' 'me,' and 'my.' These words were frequently used by figures like Iblis (the Devil) and tyrants, reflecting pride and self-importance. Overusing these words may indicate growing arrogance.

What is the significance of recognizing small signs of arrogance early, according to the speaker?

Recognizing small signs of arrogance early is essential because these traits can gradually grow and cause harm. By addressing them before they become obvious to others, a person can prevent negative consequences in both this life and the Hereafter.

How does the speaker differentiate between the arrogance of historical tyrants like Fir’aun (Pharaoh) and Karun?

Fir’aun took pride in what he possessed, using it to declare his superiority over others. Karun, on the other hand, took pride in the process, believing that his intelligence and hard work earned him his wealth, rather than acknowledging it as a blessing from Allah.

What is deflection, and why is it common among narcissists?

Deflection is the act of shifting blame or responsibility away from oneself. Narcissists frequently use deflection to avoid accountability, as taking responsibility undermines their inflated sense of self-importance.

What lesson can be learned from the way Fir’aun viewed his possessions and status?

Fir’aun’s downfall was his arrogance and sense of entitlement. He boasted about his kingdom and the rivers flowing beneath him, but eventually, Allah drowned him in those same rivers, illustrating the dangers of pride in material possessions.

Why does the speaker emphasize viewing all relationships through the lens of our relationship with Allah?

The speaker emphasizes this perspective to remind us that our value and possessions come from Allah, and we are merely stewards. Viewing relationships this way fosters humility and a sense of responsibility toward others, instead of seeing them as tools or threats.

How can believers protect themselves from narcissism, according to the speaker?

Believers can protect themselves from narcissism by being constantly introspective, attributing their successes to Allah, and humbling themselves. Instead of focusing on their rights and importance, they should reflect on their responsibilities toward Allah and others.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 Reflecting on Negative Traits in Ourselves

This paragraph focuses on the importance of introspection when reflecting on the traits mentioned in the Quran, particularly those found in tyrants of the past. Instead of only identifying these traits in others, we are called to assess whether we have traces of them ourselves. Early self-diagnosis and correction of traits like arrogance can prevent greater harm in both this life and the Hereafter. The emphasis is on humility and recognizing even small signs of negative traits to avoid them growing unnoticed.

05:01

⚠️ Recognizing Narcissism in Ourselves

Narcissism is discussed as a condition many people attribute to others but rarely self-diagnose. The Imam shares how individuals often identify narcissistic traits in family members or acquaintances but fail to recognize them in themselves. He underscores the need for self-reflection, noting how spiritual awareness can lead to better self-control and empathy. If one finds themselves frequently using words like 'I', 'me', and 'my', it is a sign that narcissistic tendencies might be developing, and one should address these early to prevent arrogance from taking root.

10:03

💬 The Dangers of Deflection and Pride

The focus here is on deflection, particularly in narcissists, who avoid responsibility for their actions. Deflection is a defense mechanism used to protect a fragile sense of superiority. The speaker uses the example of Satan's refusal to bow to Adam, showing how his pride and entitlement prevented him from reflecting on his actions. Satan deflected by claiming superiority, a hallmark of narcissism. The paragraph advises recognizing such behavior early, examining its roots, and correcting it to prevent long-term spiritual damage.

15:03

🌊 The Fall of Tyrants: Pride in Possessions

This section discusses historical tyrants like Pharaoh and Qarun, who took pride in their possessions or achievements, seeing them as reflections of their superiority. Pharaoh boasted about the rivers under his control, not realizing he would be drowned in them, while Qarun credited his success to his intelligence. The speaker contrasts pride in the process of achievement versus the possession itself. Both forms of arrogance are dangerous, as they lead one to forget that all blessings come from Allah. True humility lies in recognizing that we are merely stewards of what Allah has given us.

🤝 Viewing the World Through Allah’s Lens

In this paragraph, the speaker encourages seeing every relationship and possession through the lens of one’s relationship with Allah. Our value is determined by how Allah sees us, and everything we possess is a blessing meant to be used for His pleasure. We do not own anything, including our own bodies, but are entrusted with responsibilities. A focus on Allah's perspective fosters both gratitude and humility, preventing self-centeredness. The goal is to balance self-awareness without falling into either arrogance or self-hatred.

Keywords

💡Introspection

Introspection refers to self-examination and deep reflection on one's actions and behaviors. In the video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of being introspective, particularly when reflecting on the teachings of the Quran, asking individuals to analyze whether they might possess negative traits seen in historical tyrants rather than focusing on others.

💡Narcissism

Narcissism is defined as having an inflated sense of one's own importance and a deep need for excessive admiration, often leading to troubled relationships and lack of empathy. The speaker points out that people rarely diagnose narcissism in themselves and often deflect responsibility by identifying others as narcissists. The message encourages self-awareness to combat this dangerous trait.

💡Arrogance

Arrogance, in this context, is described as an exaggerated sense of self-worth or superiority. The video draws parallels between the arrogance exhibited by figures like Iblis (Satan) and historical tyrants. The speaker advises viewers to recognize even small signs of arrogance within themselves to prevent it from escalating into a larger, more destructive trait.

💡Deflection

Deflection is a defense mechanism where individuals avoid taking responsibility by shifting blame onto others. The speaker highlights that narcissists often use deflection as a way to avoid self-reflection and accountability, relating this to the story of Iblis when he refused to acknowledge his disobedience to Allah and instead justified his actions.

💡Pharaoh

The Pharaoh is used as a symbol of tyranny and arrogance. The speaker references the biblical Pharaoh of Egypt, who declared his superiority over others and deflected his flaws by pointing out others' weaknesses, particularly mocking Prophet Musa (Moses). The Pharaoh’s arrogance is presented as a warning against becoming prideful and self-important.

💡Self-centeredness

Self-centeredness is when a person is overly focused on their own needs and desires, often at the expense of others. The speaker cautions against allowing oneself to fall into this mindset, urging believers to remain Allah-centered instead, recognizing that their value and possessions come from Allah, not from their own abilities.

💡Spiritual disease

A spiritual disease refers to a moral or character flaw that negatively affects a person's relationship with Allah and others. In the video, traits like arrogance, narcissism, and deflection are described as spiritual diseases that must be identified and eradicated early before they cause harm to one's soul and standing before Allah.

💡Entitlement

Entitlement is the belief that one inherently deserves privileges or special treatment. The speaker describes how entitlement can creep into a person’s behavior, leading them to feel superior because of their efforts, knowledge, or possessions. This sense of entitlement is related to the arrogance seen in figures like Qarun, who believed his wealth was solely a result of his own knowledge and effort.

💡Humility

Humility is the quality of having a modest view of one's importance. The speaker encourages humility as a remedy for arrogance and self-centeredness, explaining that true humility involves recognizing one's dependence on Allah and seeing oneself as equal to others, not superior. Humility is framed as a key virtue that aligns believers with Allah's expectations.

💡Responsibility

Responsibility, in this context, refers to owning up to one’s actions and behaviors rather than deflecting blame onto others. The video emphasizes that a person must take responsibility for their own spiritual growth by identifying negative traits early and working on them, rather than waiting for others to point them out.

Highlights

The Quran encourages introspection, focusing on identifying traits within oneself rather than others.

When reading stories of tyrants in the Quran, it's important to reflect on whether you possess similar traits.

Identifying negative traits early can help prevent them from becoming worse, both in this life and the Hereafter.

Even small traits like arrogance or entitlement should be addressed before they grow into larger problems.

The Quran advocates self-reflection to identify and undercut negative traits like arrogance, even in small amounts.

Narcissism is often recognized in others but rarely self-diagnosed, which underscores the need for deeper self-reflection.

The signs of narcissism can be identified by overuse of words like 'I', 'me', and 'my', indicating self-centeredness.

The vocabulary of narcissists, using 'I' and 'me' excessively, was shared by figures like Satan and historical tyrants.

Taking pride in possessions or accomplishments without attributing them to Allah is a dangerous form of narcissism.

Deflection, a hallmark of narcissism, involves avoiding responsibility and instead blaming others or external factors.

People can fool themselves into thinking their success is due to their own efforts rather than Allah's blessings.

Pride can be derived from the process of achieving success, but it's essential to remain humble and recognize Allah's role.

Empathy is often lacking in narcissists because they view others as tools or threats in their personal story.

Muslims should see their relationships and interactions with others through their relationship with Allah.

Gratitude and grace come from recognizing that everything, including oneself, is a gift and test from Allah.

Transcripts

dear brothers and sisters typically when

you speak about negative traits that are

found in the Quran about the tyrants of

the past and in general when you speak

about negative traits today you're often

talking about how to deal with someone

else who has those traits and so many

times if you were to go into Google for

example and search a negative trait it's

going to be how to deal with someone who

has this trait rather than how to deal

with yourself potentially developing

this trait and of course the Quran in

its very Nature Calls upon us to be very

very introspective when you read even

the story of instead of thinking about

the Pharaohs of the world as they exist

today you actually ask yourself do I

have some of the traits of it's very

hard for a person to actually have that

conversation with themselves but that's

actually what is that's what reflection

on the Quran is that you find everything

whether Allah is talking about is or or

if Allah is talking about the Devil

Himself

are there traits that are developing

within me are there signs of that trait

why do I need to be that introspective

because the Quran recognizes that

sometimes you can have a proportion of

something without it being the whole

thing and it's better for you to

undercut it early on so that it does not

become to your detriment not in this

life and more importantly not in the

Hereafter if I have an arrogance problem

even if it's a small problem but I'm

starting to become more arrogant more

entitled my tongue is starting to get a

little bit looser I might not be a liar

or a backbiter or a tyrant but there is

enough there that let me try to undercut

that early on before anybody else even

notices it before someone else comes up

to me and says you know I think you're

starting to have this problem as a

Muslim who wants to have the most

favorable position with Allah subhanahu

wa ta'ala you want to identify those

traits in proportion and be deeply

interrogating of yourself not to a point

that you shut yourself off but to a

point that you take necessary corre Ive

measures that's t to the topic of

narcissism is a very interesting one

because as an IM most of the time when

someone asks me about the topic of

narcissism I can't recall someone coming

up to me and saying I think I might be a

narcissist or I think I'm starting to

develop narcissism I can recall multiple

times over the years in fact rarely a

week goes by when someone says I think

my spouse is a narcissist I think my

parents are narcissist I think my

children are narcissists and sometimes

they're at least surface level they're

right but very few people will actually

say you know what I think I might have a

problem here that I need to actually

work on and Subhan Allah says very

beautifully if you learn to diagnose the

spiritual ills within yourself if you

become hyper Vigilant with diagnosing

spiritual flaws and diseases within

yourself then you'll also necessarily

become better at identifying them in

others but you would have been so

humbled by the process of constantly

holding yourself to those spiritual ills

s that you won't write people off when

you start to identify them in others

narcissism go to Google right now if you

go how to deal with narcissism it's

going to be about someone else as

Believers we want to make sure we don't

have qualities that will ultimately ruin

us in the Hereafter now narcissism in

the technical definition is a condition

in which a people have an inflated sense

of their own importance a deep need for

excessive attention and admiration

troubled relationships and a lack of

empathy for others that's the textbook

definition has this powerful reflection

about the words that a narcissist is

likely to start to utter in which they

have to interrogate themselves he said a

person should be extremely careful if

they find themselves starting to

utter three words he said if you start

to utter them if you start saying me

myself I I me you know to me belongs to

me this is for me I did I did this I did

that if you start using I and me and my

too frequently then you need to be very

very careful he said be careful if you

start to find yourself using these

letters and these words too frequently I

myself me he said these three words were

used by three the

devil the greatest Tyrant of all time

and who was a very proud King also a

tyrant both of them of course in the

time M he said these three

words I myself me were the words were

the vocabulary of these three

individuals he says as

for said I am better than him and he

said as for he said I possess the I

possess the entire Kingdom of Egypt and

as for karun he said I earned all of

this because of knowledge that I have I

got this it was me it was my

intelligence that got me to this place

that you see me so of course I'm going

to boast because I'm the one that made

this happen so he said these three words

are very dangerous and he said if a

person starts to find themselves saying

these words frequently in their life

then they need to go back and they need

to examine if behind the vocabulary are

some of the traits of these individuals

now let's break this down a bit inshalla

and the differences and the nuances and

the subtleties in brief Allah subhana wa

tala says

oh what stopped you from prostrating to

what I created with my own two hands

What stopped you oh and Allah subhana wa

tala

says is very powerful Allah subhana wa

tala is helping him to actually think a

bit what made you have this reaction

that you just had you have a moment here

where you could repent where you could

think for a moment take a step back and

say you know this was really bad why

didn't I obey the command of Allah

subhana there's there's Rich here but

I'll just give a brief summary here uh

to what some of the scholars have said

was it like a moment of Pride did you

just become prideful did you just have

like a you know visceral reaction

something sometimes we make a mistake in

the beginning right there's an initial

reaction and it's not necessarily

indicative of something that's been

there for a long

time some of the scholars say have you

always been this way has there always

always been an arrogance inside of you a

pride inside of you a you know a sense

of entitlement inside of you and now

it's just finally coming to light now

you got put to the test and it came to

light Subhan Allah could have

said I seek your forgiveness of Allah it

was a moment maybe there's something I

need to work on I will go back I will

accept whatever the consequences are and

I'll work on this within myself instead

he completely deflects Subhan Allah when

you read about narcissism deflection is

the first reaction of every narcissist

they always deflect why because

deflection is the opposite of

responsibility a narcissist never takes

ownership they never actually own up

they never take responsibility they

immediately deflect deflection is the

defense mechanism so that's when he says

I'm actually better than

him I'm better than him you made me from

dirt and you from fire and you made him

from dirt that's the deflection it has

nothing to do with the way Allah created

him Allah could have made him from gold

Allah could have made him from bronze or

silver Allah could have made him from

grapes and leaves your problem is that

he's taking a position you feel like

belongs to you right it's a new flavor

of Pride but at the end of the day El

think about what's wrong with you for a

moment and why you reacted that way you

didn't sit there and think Allah

preferred me but Allah preferred me to

all of the Jin I have a position that no

Jin has ever had I'm with the angels

what business do I have here instead you

went to to why is he in my spot why is

he getting all this respect I'm better

than him he deflected he didn't even try

to answer the question from Allah subh

if it was or if it was if it was a sense

of pride and arrogance that he wasn't

rectifying an entitlement because that's

a spiritual disease

so says when you start to say I I and

you start to see someone as inherently

less than you for whatever the reason is

take a step back because the bad

behavior towards them is often an

indication of the way that you see them

and you wouldn't see them as lower if

you didn't see yourself as higher that's

why when Allah says mockery don't mock

people because they might be better than

you you mock someone because you think

that they've inherently fallen in value

or that you have greater value than them

so you start to mock them they might

actually be better than you so take a

step back and don't say Anna frequently

I you know did it's the ey statement

and said instead replace it with I am

the one who sins I am the one who seeks

forgiveness I am the one in need of

Allah subhana wa tala but take away I if

it's coming in the capacity of

reflecting some sort of spir you know

superiority in your mind is an

interesting Tyrant because almost every

tyrant in history you know at least at

that scale follows some of someone of

the mold of would gather his people

randomly to declare his superiority let

me stop the work day to just tell people

how awesome I am okay one of the things

called out to his people he said oh my

people don't I have the Kingdom of Egypt

you see these Rivers flowing beneath my

feet can't you see don't you all see

what I have how great I am how amazing

this all is Subhan Allah he says don't

you think I'm better than this nobody

he's talking about mam means look he

can't even talk properly the guy can't

even express himself you know are you

really going to listen to him him and

compare me to him when I have all of

these things look at what I possess and

look at what he possesses he's a nobody

and I am somebody why because I have

look at all that I own and look at the

Rivers flowing beneath me that guy can't

even talk he can't even explain himself

he stutters he looks like this he looks

like that he's mocking M and subh Allah

you know as says in one of his tangents

he says was looking with pride at the

anhar the rivers beneath his feet not

realizing that one day Allah would drown

him under and immediately initiated

right sea on top of him Allah subhana wa

T would drown him and he was looking and

said look at these Rivers beneath my

feet until Allah put the water on top of

him and drowned them in it he said look

at me I have therefore I am better so he

took his sense of pride in what in what

he possessed and then he says about I

have been granted all of this because of

the knowledge that I have because of my

intelligence what's the difference

between the two if you look at the words

of and look at you look at the words

of took more pride in the process Than

The

Possession took more pride in The

Possession than the process I'm going to

explain this again took more pride in

the process Than The Possession took

more pride in The Possession than the

process what do I mean by that is like

I've worked to get here I did this I

earned this sometimes that sense of

entitlement comes from the process right

especially someone who comes from a

tough upbringing and then Allah blesses

them Allah bestows his F upon them and

they get out of a tough a tough setting

your parents come from a country you

come from a country you know your

parents come from a neighborhood you

come from a neighborhood there's certain

means and now you have those means and

you can start to fool yourself into

thinking that you did something right

and they did something wrong it happens

all the time so kon's arrogance his

self-importance here comes from what I

earn this dear brother or sister when

you see people under floods in Pakistan

or Afghanistan or Bangladesh or bombs in

Yemen and Philistine or people that are

struggling to make ends meet a few miles

away from you don't you dare think for a

moment you're here because you deserve

it and they're there because they

deserve it don't you dare think for a

moment it could have easily been that

Allah subhana T switched you out but a

person could start to think what come on

man I went to school

I earned I worked this much I did this

much all of that was just a test of

Allah upon you all of it Allah is

testing them differently than he's

testing you but it's at the end of the

day it's a test it's a test you didn't

get there because of your own courage

Your Own intelligence and even if Allah

gave you some quality of intelligence

and some quality of courage and a work

ethic that's Allah's gift upon you you

didn't earn that yourself so is saying

take a step back and if you start to

find yourself inflating your

self-importance either because of the

way that you're made or because of what

you have or because of how you think you

got there take your step back humble

yourself to Allah subhana wa ta'ala say

alhamdulillah I am nothing without Allah

literally don't exist without Allah

subhana wa tala and every other person

who's sharing in this human test and

Enterprise with me whether they're close

family or there're someone else is

another of Allah subhana wa tal that has

rights upon me for which Allah will ask

me take a step back and deflate the

self-importance and ask yourself why do

I use these words why is it always I me

when you get into an argument you

immediately go to your rights what the

other person owes you and how you got

there and this and this and this and

that take a step back what am I not

seeing about the other person and when

it comes to the narcissist every other

person becomes a tool or a threat in

their constant battle and so every

person and relationship is disposable

what do I mean by that the narcissists

and their inflated sense of importance

really loses a sense of empathy and care

for anyone else because at the end of

the day your story is the only story

that exists in your mind and anyone

who's in your story is either a tool or

a threat you I said this before I don't

I'm not I'm not F's therapist I don't

know if F really enjoyed killing kids or

if he really enjoyed killing his wife

the way that he killed his wife some

people get sick and they do that type of

stuff or just saw people as tools or

threats this is my story I am here I

belong on this Throne therefore

everybody everybody is either a tool or

a threat and so you're all disposable at

the end of the day that's why a person

of NPS of ego we talk about Abdullah and

the chief hypocrite in Medina is willing

to burn down the entire city of Medina

why because I'm supposed to be the king

this is my city right now obviously it's

hard for us to think about you know

ourselves as and abdah but to at least

think you know when when things when I

see people am I only thinking about my

story or do other people have stories

too around me perhaps I can be a

beneficial parts of their story perhaps

it's not just me that's owed something

but maybe I owe other people too for the

sake of Allah subhana wa tala deflate

your sense of importance bring it down

and think through the other person's

lens as well not just your own every

single time even if you're not a pharaoh

don't go home and say that I learned

that I'm today don't you know or I'm no

no no these qualities are replaced by

the qualities of the Prophet Sall alai

wasallam and in the story of the quality

of M the quality of these prophets that

were facing these types of things the

last thing dear brothers and sisters

what's the difference between us as

Muslims when we look at this through the

lens of Islam versus you know you could

have just Googled how to not be a

narcissist the difference is that every

single relationship that we have in this

world we see it through our relationship

with Allah subhana wa tala every single

existence that exists in parallel with

us we see it through our ultimate

existence as a slave of Allah subhana wa

tala and so what that means is three

things Allah created me therefore my

value is only to the extent that he sees

me Allah created me it doesn't matter

what I look like what I physically

possess Allah created me therefore my

value is only to the extent that he sees

me how Allah subh sees me that's number

one number two Allah gave me what I

possess therefore those possessions are

only blessings to the extent of how I

attribute them to him or use them in

ways that are pleasing to him otherwise

my possessions are a curse Allah gave

them to me me Allah is the source of all

those possessions number three I am only

a steward of what Allah subhana T

commissioned to commissioned me to I

don't own anything even myself I don't

own my body I don't own my house I don't

own anybody or anything Allah subhana

tala has given me responsibilities and

that's how I see myself to that world

around me and that will make you both

grateful and graceful grateful to Allah

and graceful with the people when you're

able to deflate that and humble yourself

constantly attributing it back to Allah

and being Allah centered instead of

self-centered we ask Allah to protect us

from thinking too highly of ourselves

and forgetting where we are with Allah

subhana wa ta'ala we ask Allah to Humble

us not that we start to hate ourselves

but that we start to use ourselves and

beautify ourselves to be most pleasing

to him we ask Allah subhana wa tala to

make us the best of his the best of his

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